Chapter 30:I was a lover, before this war.
(I wanted to make this chapter solely focused on Joel and Becca. I feel like we haven't had a chapter 100% dedicated to them.)
'All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.'
-Mae West
It was only her third day into her mandatory leave and she was already starting to get bored. She's gone into town and visited a few friends.
Sharon mostly. She wanted to know if she made any progress on Jeff's journals. She said a lot of it was gibberish, mathematical equations and jargon even she couldn't understand. Richard would be helping her with the Math while she consulted the other elders in town.
The children were still adjusting. They've been working with a few therapists, but haven't made any leeway yet. Hopefully, with time and patience; they'll see they're not the bad guys. All they wanted do was help them. Give them a choice.
Becca was on the mend. Her wrist hurt like hell and her head was pounding, but she's had worse. She was adjusting back into the swing of things. Laying around didn't help her mood any.
It was almost supper time and Joel was due to be back from work any minute. He was helping Richard and Tommy with something in town. It pertained to the heightened security they were planning around the town's perimeters. God help anyone who should try and come to their town and take what's theirs. They took care of their own around here.
Ellie was spending the night with Lizzie. School was kicking back up in a week. They wouldn't be able to do this during the week anymore.
She was grateful for the time alone with him. Ever since she got back, it seemed like they didn't have any time alone together. Whether it be someone wanting to talk to them or someone needed Joel in town. It never stopped.
The only time they spend together alone is in bed. He's been exhausted lately and would fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. She was thankful he was getting some sleep, but she missed him. Tomorrow morning he would be off to take care of something. Either on the ranch or back in town. For tonight, he was hers. She didn't have to share him with anybody else.
She smiled when she heard his horse coming up the trail. She would recognize Dusty from anywhere. She felt the anxiousness and nervousness creep up. Just as they did whenever they were alone together.
She wiped her hands off the towel and walked out on the porch to greet him. Her heart fluttered as he came from the barn and walked down the trail towards her. It was like some fucking slow motion montage scene in a movie.
Dust covered his clothes from head to toe. His dark denim jeans were dirty and muddied. The scarf he wore around his neck was sticking to his sweaty skin. He sleeves were rolled up, revealing his strong biceps. He was taking off his riding gloves as he got to the bottom of the steps.
He took off his hat and shook the dust out of it, setting it on the railing. He looked up at her, his eyes widening slightly. She was wearing the same dark green dress she wore for the first date. Was there a significance to that? Did she even remember?
His eyes traced a path up her long legs. He smirked when he saw she was barefoot. He would never get used to that quirk of hers.
He loved the fact she didn't cover up her bruises. Not even the abrasion or bruises on her arms. There wasn't anything she could do to change them.
He whistled lowly as his eyes raked over her,'You going somewhere all gussied up like that?'
She pursed her lips to hide her smile and nodded,'I do actually. I got a date with an older man. He's a little grumpy, but he's easy on the eyes.'
His eyes crinkled as he laughed, watching her as she walked down the steps to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and his hands instinctively went to her waist.
She looked over his face fondly and smiled softly. She preferred him like this. All soft and warm with her. They didn't lose their willingness to leave or the courage to do so. It made them want it even that much more.
His eyes lowered down to her cleavage as he licked his suddenly dry lips,'I don't wanna ruin your pretty dress.'
Her eyes widened slightly and she gasped as his hands gently squeezed her sides,'Cause I wanna kiss ya. I wanna run my hands all over you.'
She felt the fluttering in the pit of her stomach. She didn't know why they haven't had sex yet. She knew he wanted to. She wanted to. He was holding back. Maria told her to just jump his bones. She thought he deserved a little more time and patience than that.
She was content with things between them. They were slowly starting to get to know one another. The things they liked and disliked. Not just in the bedroom, but in the grander scheme of things. Besides, they kept each other satisfied.
She leaned in close to him, pressing her body against his,'I don't care about a little dirt, Joel.' She looked over his face, whispering,'I like you dirty.'
He narrowed his eyes as his hands slid down to her ass. He groped her ass as he arched his hips against hers,'You make me lose my calm, baby girl.
She laughed softly as she kissed his chin, nuzzling into the scruff along his jaw. He smelled like sweat, grime and leather. He smelled like Joel. Hers.
'You said that to me a time or two.' She slid her hands in his sweaty hair,'Ellie's with Lizzie for the night. I feel better. We're gonna have dinner, relax and…forget about all the other shit. Just for tonight. I think we deserved that wouldn't you agree?'
He nodded as pressed a chaste kiss to her lips,'You won't get any arguments from me. Do I have time to get a shower?'
'You sure do.' She smirked,'Even if we do I would make time for that.' She sniffed softly and winced,'You need one.'
She let go of him and turned around to walk back up the stairs. She yelped when he pinched her ass. This is what it's all about. Not cures or pitting people against each other. The freedom to have this. It's all they wanted.
Joel showered and changed into a t shirt and jeans. He didn't have it in him to get dressed up. She wouldn't mind. After what she knew about him, he was still in awe she wanted to spend time with him.
He walked down the stairs and found her in the kitchen cutting vegetables. The record player was on. She was humming along to Neil Young. She had an affinity for him. She said her mama loved him and would always play him in the kitchen while she cooked. This helped her feel close to her mama.
He shook his head in disbelief, wanting the way her red hair gleamed like fire, the way her hood swayed to the music. She was everything he's ever wanted. She was someone he never knew he needed.
He really loved this woman. If this was before the outbreak, he already would've asked her to marry him by now. He would've pursued her, been all over her and acted like a fool just to be in her presence. Just like he's doing right now.
Something's never change.
He walked over to her and stood behind her. She didn't flinch or try to stab him. She was calm. She knew it was him.
He lifted her hair and draped it over shoulder so he could kiss her neck. She sighed softly as he pressed wet open mouthed kisses along her neck. He's been more affectionate since she's came back. He was always touching, like he couldn't believe she was actually here. It was only two days. Anything could've happened in those two days.
Joel nuzzled into her neck as he took the knife out of her hands,'You don't gotta cook for me.'
'I know, but you've been a gracious host.' She looked up at him and smirked,'I just wanted to repay you for you hospitality.'
'You already did by wearing that dress.' He watched the heat rise in her cheeks and backed off, placing her knife on the counter,'Is this a date?'
'I don't know.' She cocked her head to the side,'Do you want it to be?'
He rolled his eyes and sighed,'You sound like my therapist.' He nodded,'Yeah, I want this to be a date. I figured anytime we've done something alone together has been a date.'
'We've done things together a lot.' Her eyes widened, 'You thought those were all dates.'
'No.' He smirked as he picked up the knife to help her cut,'It got you riled up for a minute.' He sighed,'I just meant anytime it's only been us. Until recently-'
She placed her hand on his arm to stop him. Bless her fucking heart because he was going nowhere. Fast.
'I know what you mean.' She nodded and gave him a small smile,'It's a date then.' She sighed in relief,'Good, because I didn't wear any underwear for nothing.'
Joel stared at her, his mouth gaped open. He looked down to her crotch. He didn't see any panty lines. He couldn't tell by the material of her dress.
She took a deep breath to gather her courage as he walked over to her. Sometimes her mouth gets her into trouble. She was teasing him. Her mama used to say don't play with fire. Joel was as raging as they come. She shouldn't toy with him.
He leaned in close to her as he licked his lips, whispering,'Can I see for myself? Can I see that pretty little pussy of yours?'
Becca's eyes widened at his boldness. She's had men say vulgar things to her. Degrade and mock her, but it didn't feel like that with Joel.
He asked her so earnestly. He truly cared. He would stop if she told him no. He was many things, but he wasn't that kind of man.
She took his wrist and slid his hand between her legs. She placed his index finger and middle finger over her pussy, coating them with her wetness. His eyelids fluttered. She was soaked. He loved how turned on she got for him. She was always ready for him. Every. Single. Time. It usually took him some time with women, but she responded to him immediately. She's been the first woman since he was a teenager to make him come in his pants. Maybe they were touch deprived. Maybe they just loved each other.
His head dropped down onto her as he breathed harshly against her hair, whispering,'Jesus Christ. You're so wet for me, baby girl. Tight too.'
She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks. No man's ever talked to her like this before. He was a filthy talker. No one would ever think he liked to dirty talk a woman. She loved learning new things about him. He was so unguarded during intimacy. She loved every minute of it.
She slid her hand out from under her dress and grinned up at him,'Now do you believe me?'
'I always believed ya, darlin.' He slid his fingers into his mouth, licking the juices off. His eyes rolled in pleasure as he eyes bore into hers,'Maybe I just wanted to sneak a taste before the main course.'
He smirked as he turned around to finish cutting the vegetables. She stood there, staring dumbly at him. She wanted to know this man was. He couldn't be the same man who went on a murderous rampage at an army base. The same man who threw corpses into a fire pit like it was nothing.
This man was someone you wanted to be around. He was funny and shy when it came to asking for what he wanted. He only spoke when he had something to say. The vengeful Joel was just a small part of who he is. There were so many beautiful facets to him. She was learning each and every single one.
He helped her finish cooking dinner. They didn't spend dinner crying or arguing about Tess, a cure or Fireflies. They didn't discuss impending danger. They simply enjoyed each other.
Joel washed the dishes while she dried them. They retreated outside with cups of coffee. It was a warm September night, but there was a chilly breeze in the air. Soon summer would leave bringing winter. She dreaded the cold and the snow. At least this winter would be a good one. She would bunker down with the people she loved.
She looked over at Joel and smiled fondly as he played his guitar. Would they be married by Winter? Would he ask? Did she even want him to ask?
When she broke free of David, she made a promise to herself she would never be married again. That was until she met him. He challenged every conviction she had for herself. She didn't want to just marry anyone or have their babies. She wanted to marry him. It was very specific to him.
She rested her head on his shoulder. She smiled up at him gratefully as he wrapped the blanket around their shoulders, keeping their body insulated. He began playing a different song on the guitar. A soft one.
She closed her eyes as she listened to him play. She didn't think she would ever hear him play again. Her man was gifted. She got the cowboy she always wanted. He's what her mama always told her. Never settle for anything less than a good one. He was one of the good ones.
He finished the song and placed the guitar beside him on the ground. He would rather be holding his woman. He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her into his lap. She hissed slightly as the drag marks brushed up against the blanket. He always felt like a knife were being cut into him. Whenever he thought about Tess, he wanted to tear the world apart. Something big was coming. He could feel it now.
He may not even be alive to see it. He wouldn't revel on it for too long though. He had a beautiful woman in his arms and he wasn't going to waste it.
Joel closed his eyes and sighed as he listened to the crickets chirping and the animals either sleeping or playing in their pens. The soft wind making blowing through the wind chimes made by Ellie and Lizzie. The stillness.
'I hear it.' He slowly opened his eyes.'Remember when you told me about the music the earth makes?'
She smiled fondly as she remembered that moment as if it were yesterday. It's when he kissed her for the first time. She nodded silently, urging him with her eyes to continue.
He ran a hand through his hair and sighed shakily,'When you were gone for two days and I was on the road. I swore I could hear it, like you were guiding me. You told me where you were going through the music. I could feel you. That's how I knew you weren't dead.' He shook his head as he averted his eyes away from her,'It's so fucking stupid, Becca.'
'No it's not.' She cradled his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her,'Hey, it's not. I don't care what you had to believe to find me. You found me, Joel. I love you. I'm so in love with you. I could feel it too.' She saw the tears in his eyes as she blinked away her own,'I knew you would come looking for her.'
He kissed her lips as she felt the tears on his beard. She wiped them off his face as she snorted,'We weren't supposed to be talking about this shit tonight.'
'We can't always avoid it.' He leaned back as she settled into his lap. He looked down at her and bit his bottom lip, whispering,'You know you're the sexiest fucking woman I've ever laid eyes on right? Just the thought of you keeps me up at night.'
Her heart hammered in her chest at his words. She buried her face in his neck and pressed kisses up his jaw, whispering,'Did you become infected or replaced by sone Pod person? You've never been this…vocal before.'
'I'm just letting ya know how I feel.' He sighed,'My therapist said human beings need affirmation or some shit.' He shrugged,'When Tess got ya, I swore to myself that when I got ya back I would let ya know how I feel. I haven't been doing a good enough job of that either. I meant it when I told ya I loved ya that night. I love ya now. I'm in love with ya too.' He shook his head, his gaze lowered as he struggled to vocalize what she meant to him,'I ain't ever had to learn how to love you. I already knew how. You showed me I had that in myself. I don't want to be known as a Firefly or some villain or hero. I just want to be a man. A simple man who married the woman of his dreams.' He cleared his throat,'Settle down. Lay down some roots.'
She smirked as she felt that heat in her cheeks once again. Damn. He was smooth,'Marry, huh? You've been using that word a lot lately.'
He shook his head and laughed,'I'm working on it.'
He gingerly ran the back of his hand against her injured arm,'You okay, baby girl?'
'I'm okay.' She nodded and smiled softly as he leaned down to kiss her shoulder,' Are you okay? I know you like to act all big and bad, but I know. Ya know?'
He sighed as he rested his forehead against the back of her neck,'I would be lying if I said everything was alright.' He pressed his nose against her skin, breathing her in,'I feel unsettled, but it's just the cloth I'm made out of.'
'Paranoid.' She smirked,'I think the word you're looking for is paranoid.'
'Smart ass.' He snorted and gently squeezed her thigh,'I'm not paranoid. Just…careful.'
His legs were spread as she sat on his lap. He played with a piece of her hair as he looked over her face with so much affection it almost brought tears to her eyes. She reveled in his hands. They could cause so much hurt yet be so tender with her.
The booming thunder caused them both to jump. The rain began coming down in buckets, falling heavily onto the roof. Joel muttered a curse as he excused himself and went to secure the barn and animals.
She ran out to help, making sure the cows and chickens were locked in.
She was shivering and soaked through by the time she got back onto the porch. Joel came back a few minutes later, soaked to the bone.
He looked at her, seeing her wet dress clinging to her body. Her nipples were protruding through the now sheer fabric. He could see everything. Her dark nipples. The small thatch of red pubic hair between her legs. His cock twitched in his pants. Fuck, he wanted her. Every inch of her.
She made him afraid of himself sometimes. He didn't think was capable of wanting someone this much. Loving someone this much.
She wondered why they didn't have sex. She never asked, but he knew she wondered. He could see it in her eyes. He was afraid to hurt her like David and the Fireflies. He used to be a Firefly. While he wasn't responsible for her sexual assaults; he stood by as a punk kid while his fellow officers took liberties with a female. It still haunted him to this day.
So he held back. He told himself he needed some more time. He needed to make sure this is what she wanted. He didn't want her to regret it. Regret him.
Becca averted her eyes downward and shook her head,'You can't look at me like that and not expect for me to want it.'
His eyes widened as he looked over her face,'You wanna have sex…with me?'
She rolled her eyes and placed her hands on her hips,'Duh.' She took a deep breath,'I know it's something you want to wait on and I respect that.' She shrugged,'No one would believe me anyway.'
'About what?'
'That you're being the cock block.' She smirked at the confused look on his face,'Besides, we make each other feel good in other ways. Now let's go get the wet clothes off and sit in front of the fire before we catch a chill.'
He grinned as his eyes fell onto the curve of her ass through the dress. He thought about what that ass felt like pressed against her face as he ate her out from behind. He still jerks off thinking about it. The way she moaned and responded to him. The way she bit into her arm to keep from moaning so Ellie couldn't hear. God, that was so hot.
She brought him into the house and they stripped out of their clothes, putting them into the wash basket. She grabbed the blankets while Joel stoked the fire. He changed into his pajamas and Becca did the same. She changed into his t shirt. Maria told her men loved that. She didn't wear anything else underneath it.
Less is more.
She walked into the living room, seeing him already sitting on the blanket. He wore grey sweatpants and nothing else. She loved the fact he didn't cover up in front of her anymore. He let her see his scars. Did she showed him hers. She didn't see them whenever she looked at him.
She sat down beside of him and his eyes trailed up the length of her legs. His eyes widened when he saw her wearing his t shirr. She went into his room. She went through his personal belongings.
He shook his head of those thoughts. She wasn't a threat. She wasn't trying to steal anything from him. She was Becca. His everything.
He wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and opened his arms out,'Come on.'
She slid closer to him as he wrapped the blanket around her shoulders. The warmth of the fireplace and Joel's warmth made her feel relaxed. More relaxed than she's felt in daze.
She looked up at Joel, sighing wistfully,'You're a handsome man, Joel Miller. I don't tell you that nearly enough.'
Joel smirked as he looked over her face,'You get into Frank's wine stash?'
She rolled her eyes and sighed,'No, I didn't. I'm speaking truth. I'm sober as can be.' She ran her hand down his face, shaking her head in disbelief,'You're the most beautiful man I've ever seen. Inside and out. You don't commit crimes because you want to. I see the hurt and regret in your eyes every time you make a kill. What you did for me.' She took a deep breath,'You asked me a long time ago if my parents would've liked you. I didn't know enough to answer back then.' She nodded,'I do now. You do them proud. The way you protect me. The way you love me. They would've loved you just as much as I do.'
Tears pricked his eyes. He hung his head. It's all he's wanted to hear. He didn't need anyone's acceptance but her own. It felt good to hear though, knowing he would be worthy of something like that. He was becoming less of a monster and more like a man.
He pulled her into his lap as she laid her back against his chest. He wrapped them up in the blanket and rested his head on top of hers as they warmed up by the fire.
Nothing is forgotten nor resolved. It was just a part of the mending.
Next up: Ellie has a breakthrough with the kids
Joel makes a shocking revelation.
Becca and Joel get closer