Chapter 32: Old friends, new beginnings.
'Without memory, there is no healing. Without forgiveness, there is no future.'
-Desmond Tutu
Becca was waiting outside the house with Sadie. The sun wasn't even risen yet. She was still tired, the coffee doing nothing but make her sleepier. He still didn't tell her where they were going. The man could keep a secret.
She didn't sleep much the night before. It wasn't for a lack of trying. She stayed up most of the night watching him sleep in case he had another nightmare. Sharon told her to never leave him when he has a nightmare. Even if he screams and begs her to. In order to help him with his nightmares, she needs to understand them.
He didn't have one last night. He slept soundly throughout the night. People would be surprised to learn he's a cuddler. He would wrap himself around her, legs and arms as he spooned her from behind. It was her favorite way to sleep with him, their bodies intertwined.
He walked out of the house and she felt her heart skip a beat. The jeans he wore fit him like a second skin with a flannel. He wore a cleaner coat. It was a dark brown and even his boots were shined. The cowboy hat he wore gave him an allure.
When she was a little girl, she always dreamed of having her own cowboy. He wasn't what she physically pictured in her mind, but woo boy. Her imagination was never colorful enough to conjure up Joel Miller. No one could've prepared her for him. He made her forget about all the boys who done her wrong. They didn't make men like Joel anymore. They were cut from a different cloth. The last of a dying breed. She got her cowboy. Don't ever let anyone say you can't manifest things for yourself.
He walked down the steps as he saw the goofy smile on her face,'You start early or something?'
She rolled her eyes and laughed,'I'm not drunk. I was just thinking about how I got myself a good one.'
He averted his eyes downward as he cleared his throat. He felt uneasy. He wasn't used to people handing out compliments to him.
He thought when he told her about Tess and their son, she would run for the hills. She stuck around though. She laid in bed with him. He had been worried for nothing. He should give her a little bit more credit and grace too.
He held the side of her face as he kissed her temple,'I'm going to grab Dusty from the barn.'
She smiled as he walked away from her. She sighed to herself. She hoped he wasn't going to do anything funny. She wanted to trust him, but Tess threw her for a loop. After learning him and Tess had a baby together, she didn't know if Joel would want vengeance for her death.
He walked out of the barn with Dusty. She was already seated on top of Sadie ready to go. She had an unreadable look on her face. He wondered if she thought he was going to do something to her and it broke his heart. He didn't want her to be afraid of him. If he couldn't make her believe him. He would prove it to her.
They talked some as they rode with their horses. They kept a steady pace, but didn't rush. They didn't have anywhere to be today. There was nothing to do except be together. They couldn't remember the last time they've been alone together without prying eyes. The bedroom doesn't count.
Her heart pounded in her chest as they rode by the lake. They turned a corner and there was a huge field that seemed to go on for miles. The lake was situated behind the field. The Smoky Mountains as the backdrop.
He climbed off Dusty and helped her down from Sadie. He took her hand as he led her out into the field. There were wildflowers everywhere, sunflowers and dandelions.
'This is so beautiful.' She looked up at him and shook her head,'Not that I don't love it, but why is this a special place?'
He smirked as he let go of her hand and motioned with his hands,'It's special because it's ours.'
She was still looking at him like he grew another head,'I still don't understand. I'm sorry.'
He nodded as he walked over to a spot on the field,'I was thinking Ellie's bedroom would be here.' He stepped to another spot,'The kitchen.' He pointed to another spot,'We could have our room upstairs and a bathroom just for us.' He squinted his eyes from the sun as he pointed to a spot ways away from the field,'We could put the barn there.' He shrugged, feeling uncomfortable,'I don't want to spend the rest of my life there, Becca. I don't think you want to either. This could…be our home one day. I talked to Tommy about it. He said he would help me get things running for electricity and stuff like that. You're not too far from town. Ellie's already on board. It's safe here. There ain't no way infected are coming all the way out here.' He outstretched his arms,'I was thinking you could have your gardens here. You have so much more space here. You could grow more stuff.'
'What about people?' She frowned,'Wouldn't it be safer for Ellie in town?'
'I can protect her.' He sighed,'Just as I've been doing for the last three years. Before anyone else came along, I protected her.' He looked at her, his shoulders slumping dejectedly,'You don't want this. Do you?' Her silence spoke volumes and he snorted,'Is it because of what I told you last night? I don't care. I wish people would stop thinking I fucking do because I don't. I care about this. I want to protect this. I'm your man. This is what I'm supposed to do. Just like you're supposed to look out for me. That's the deal.'
She nodded and smiled softly, 'It's always been the deal.' She looked around the field and took a deep breath,'Okay, let's do it.'
His eyes widened as he looked over her face,'You're sure? You're not doing this cause you think it's what I want?'
'A little, but it's always gonna be that way. It's called compromising for the ones you love.'
He felt his heart thump at that. He would never get used to her telling him she loved him. No one had said those words to him in years. Tess would say it, but he knew she didn't mean it. Not really anyway. She was too consumed with their son to care about anybody else.
She walked around to each spot he talked about, contemplating on everything. She pursed her lips and nodded,'I'm not just doing this for you. We're really not that far from town. It's safe here. It's quiet and peaceful. We could actually be on our own.'
He sighed in relief as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders,'I was thinking putting in four bedrooms. One for both of us, one for Ellie and another in case one of us has a nightmare.'
'What about the other room?' She frowned,'You said there were four. What about the last one?'
He got quiet for a moment. He had a slight smile on his face, like he was unsure of himself,'I was thinking we have a spare just in case…in case something should happen. Someone might need to sleep in that room. At least until their eighteen.'
Becca was confused for a moment. Her eyes widened in realization and she shook her head in disbelief,'Baby? You're talking about a baby?'
'Yeah.' He shrugged as he looked away,'It's gonna take a few years to get everything done, but when it is. I'm gonna marry you.' He cleared his throat,'We're gonna settle down and put down roots. I ain't talking about today or the next, but you keep thinking about if this is what you really want.'
She blinked away tears as she pressed her head against his arm,'I thought for a second you might be leading me into trap.'
'Oh, baby girl. I did.' He smirked,'It was just different than what you thought.'
She laughed as she ran down the field. He gave her a head start before chasing after her. She squealed when he grabbed her from behind and pulled her back against his chest. He kissed up and down her neck. She sighed softly, craning her beck to the side to give him better access.
She moaned softly as his hands caressed her stomach. He moved her hair to the other side as he pressed open mouthed kisses along her neck. He licked and sucked on her neck. She slumped back against him as he nuzzled into her neck, pressing his nose against her skin to breathe her in.
'What changed your mind?' She whispered breathlessly,'About everything.'
'You'. He stared simply and surely. A matter of fact,'I always knew I wanted it. I just gave up on it because it didn't seem possible anymore. I thought I wanted that with Tess. I thought she did too.' He sighed against her neck,'When she got pregnant with William, I thought things would be different. I should've known when she said she didn't want to marry me. She wanted to focus on the cause. Like the fucking cause was more important than our son. As he got older, she started taking him to raids. When he got bit…it was like everything changed between us. After I killed him, she could barely look at me anymore.'
He continued to kiss her neck as his hands ran up and down her sides,'I ain't sad about her death. I said goodbye to her a long time ago. Ya know what fucks me up though? I thought I lost Tess forever. I fucking grieved her, but those three days when I thought I lost you?' He held onto her tighter for emphasis,'I thought I was gonna lose my goddamned mind. I ain't ever felt fear like that. The whole time you were gone, I thought was that it? Is this the only time I had with her? I couldn't reconcile that in mind. Being without you. I didn't feel anything like I should when she died. I just felt…relieved. Cause no one was gonna take you away from me again.'
She turned around in his arms and held his face in her hands. She kissed and he immediately returned the kiss. He cradled the back of her head, pulling her close to him as he deepened the kiss. She moaned when he sucked her tongue into his mouth. The kiss became feverish as they became desperate for each other.
She leaned back from the kiss and took his hand, leading them to a spot on the grass. He laughed and shook his head confusingly,'Where are we going?'
She smirked as she tugged onto his hand, 'I figure we would go to our bedroom.'
She didn't know what those words meant to him. He could be on his deathbed with dementia and he'll always remember those words.
Our bedroom.
It felt like a fucking dream.
'Well in that case.' He grabbed her legs and hoisted her up.
She squealed as he carried her bridal style over to the spot on the grass he declared their bedroom. Or was this the bathroom? They would figure it out.
He gently laid her down on the grass. He wanted to go and grab the blanket, but he didn't want to move from this spot. He was too comfortable. She didn't seem like she wanted to move either.
He laid his head on her stomach as she ran her hand through his hair. He looked up at her, his eyes fluttering shut as she smiled down at him,'You want kids, baby girl?'
She tilted her head to the side thoughtfully,'I did. I haven't really thought about it in…years. I don't even know if I can have kids. After…everything.' She snorted,'No offense, but we actually have to sex in order to have kids.'
'I'm working on that too.' He sighed,'It's not that I don't want to. I just…want it to be the right time. With all those other women, it didn't mean anything and they never wanted anything serious anyway. Not with me. Women have always looked at me like a project. Something they wanted to fix. I ain't looking for another mama.'
'Good.' She grinned,'I'm not trying to be your mama.' She scratched his scalp as he almost purred in contentment,'Besides, you make me a happy girl. You satisfy me. Do I satisfy you?'
'Do you satisfy me?' He snorted,'It's like asking if a bear shits in the woods.' She laughed as rolled onto his side facing her. He rubbed circles over her stomach, whispering,'I get hard by you just smiling at me. You don't even fucking have to touch me. Ain't no other woman done that to me before.'
He lifted up her shirt, revealing her bare stomach. He leaned down and kissed her stomach, his tongue delving into her belly button. He ran his hands over her stomach and up her sides, pulling her shirt up the rest of the way.
His eyes widened when he saw she wasn't wearing a bra. He smiled to himself. It's almost like she planned this.
He cupped both of her tits in his hands as she arched up against his touch. She made his chest swell with pride knowing this beautiful woman wanted, loved and desired him. She kickstarted his heart again.
She whimpered as he kept her tits pressed together as he sucked on her nipples. His body was hovering atop of hers. She could feel the throbbing and pulsating ache between her legs. Her leg brushed up against his erection, making him hiss.
He unbuckled his belt, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants. His erection was pressed up against his zipper. He needed some relief.
She heard the zipper of his jeans sliding down and all the breath left her body. She lifted her head to try and see what he was doing, but his body obstructed her view.
He slid his hand down the front of her leggings. His cock started leaning when he didn't feel any panties. Just bare pussy.
He bit his bottom lip as his hand cupped her pussy. He could feel it throbbing against his hands. She was so soaked the insides of her thighs were wet. There was a wet spot at the crotch of her leggings. He wanted to be consumed by her. He's never been with a woman who got this wet for him. She must really want this.
She sat up and gently pushed him onto his back. His eyes widened slightly as she climbed on top of him. His eyes and hands were everywhere at once. She almost fell forward when his hand slid underneath her shirt.
She took her shirt off and threw it off to the side. Following her lead, he sat up as she helped him unbutton his flannel. He practically tore it off him as he lifted the white t shirt over his head. He wasn't afraid to show her his body. He's proud of the strides he's made in his health. He felt good and he looked better than he had in decades. Even before the outbreak. Clean living and the love and nurturing of beautiful women will do that to you. He always hated when Ellie or Becca fussed over him. He could never imagine not having them in his life.
They pressed their bare chests together, sighing at the contact. He pressed kisses all over her face as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He was surrounded by the warmth of her skin, her long hair draping over them and her scent. All he could smell and taste was her.
She reached into the front of his jeans and boxers to grip his cock. He let out a strangled moan as she started jerking him off with both her hands. He dropped his head to rest against hers, moaning against her lips.
His breathing was ragged and harsh as he slid his hand down the front of her leggings. He rubbed her clit in circles as she jerked him off. She pressed her lips against his and he grabbed the back of her neck, reminding himself to be gentle as the kiss deepened.
He gritted his teeth and clenched his eyes shut when he rubbed his cock along her slit, getting it wet. His eyes popped open and he stared down at her, watching her do it again. He blinked his eyes as she looked up at him and gave him a small smile. It was the sexiest thing he's ever seen.
She used her juices to jerk him off. He was so close to coming it was embarrassing. He was close before as soon as she put her hands on him. He knew he wouldn't last long when they had sex for the first time, which is also what made him so hesitant. It would be the first time she's had sex with someone she actually cared about. Men haven't treated her well. He wanted to make it was good for her.
They touched each other as they got themselves off. She jerked and pumped up, tugging on his balls. She watched him touch himself sometimes and he seemed to enjoy it.
His eyes rolled in pleasure as he kissed her again, moaning into her mouth,'I'm gonna come.' His voice was coming out in whispers as he struggled to talk. He was so consumed with lust he could barely think straight.
'Oh fuck.' He clenched his eyes shut as he felt the tightening on his balls,'Keep doing that.' He panted as she rubbed his precum over the slit on his cock.
She moaned his name as he pressed against her clit. Her thighs slammed together as she came. He placed his hand firmly on her lower back to steady her as her juices gushed out of her. He could feel her pussy pulsating against his palm as she shook on top of him.
He came right after her. His come spurted onto his stomach. He let out a long moan that suspiciously sounded a drawn out 'fuck.'
She slumped against his chest as he rubbed her back. They sat there in silence, basking in the afterglow. He closed his eyes and kissed her sweat slicked forehead. He looked around at the field, smiling to himself.
This would be their home. He meant it when he said he would marry her. Ever since she came back, it's all he could think about. They belonged with each other. It's simple as that.
She buried her face in his neck and smiled against his skin,'See? I'm satisfied, Joel. In every way.'
He laughed softly as he kissed the top of her head,'I hear ya, darlin. Loud and clear.'
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It was time for supper when they got back to the ranch. They fed the animals and cleaned out some of their sheds, but Ellie was pretty good about cleaning up. She was responsible and always did her part around the farm. She seemed happy to do it. What's cleaning up after dirty animals compared to dying over a supposed cure?
She showered and changed into pajamas. She went into Ellie's room and tidied up a bit. She loved the girl, but she was a typical teenage girl. Her clothes fell wherever she threw them.
She placed her clothes in the hamper and followed the delicious smell of food. Her stomach grumbled in response. She hasn't eaten anything since lunch.
She walked into the kitchen and smiled when she saw him standing by the stove. He seemed to be reheating some things. She watched him as he moved around in the kitchen. He seemed lighter than usual. He didn't have that dread in his stride.
She thought about Tess and their son together. She didn't understand how he got up every day with that kind of grief. He told her he wasn't angry and sad, but she knew him. He was feeling it. He just didn't want her to have to worry about it. He would've killed her himself. It would've taken him a little bit more time to build up the courage.
She used to imagine what Tess looked like, but nothing could compare her for the real thing. She was beautiful, but the ravages of survival aged her. Hardened her. Her and Tess were so different. Day and night. The only thing they had in common was him.
'You should take a picture. It'll last longer.'
She heard humor in his tone and laughed as she sat down at the kitchen table,'You heed help with anything?'
'Nope.' He carried the plates over to the table and placed one in front of her before sitting down,'This is your food. I just reheated it.'
She leaned over and kissed his cheek,'Thank you, baby.'
'Today was a date right?' He blurted out,'Just trying to keep track.'
She smiled when she saw the uncertainty elucidated on his face,'Today was definitely a date. This could be a date too.' She averted her eyes shyly,'Everyday like this could be a date. We could have a date every day for the rest of our lives.'
Tears filled his eyes as he swallowed the lump in his throat,'You're gonna get sick of my shit.'
She saw the tears in his eyes as she looked over at him,'The same could be said about me too.'
He looked over her face and frowned,'You don't lie do you?'
She shook her head,'There's no reason to lie. I've had so many people lie to me my entire life. Just don't…ever betray my trust. That's the only thing I'll ask of you.'
He thought back to all the times he wasn't completely honest with her and felt sick to his stomach,'I promise. No more lies. I've told you everything you needed to know.'
Becca seemed content with his answer and they started eating dinner. She cleaned up while he went upstairs to shower and change. She followed him upstairs and into his bedroom.
He came walking into the bedroom with only a towel wrapped around his waist. He was drying his hair off with a towel. He stood in the doorway of his bedroom, slack jawed when he saw her lying on his bed. She was only wearing her underwear. She told him she liked sleeping almost naked. The image refused to leave his mind since she told, but having her in mind didn't do any justice. She was laying on her side, her black underwear were sheer.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. She was a crisis of faith. He never was a praying man, but something good had to come from this. She looked like she belonged in his bed. He wanted this. He wanted this so much.
He dried himself off and pulled on a pair of boxers. He got into bed next to her and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling him close to her.
They laid in silence for a few moments before Joel spoke,'You can put the photos of you're family up around the house. This is your home too.'
'I know. She kissed his chest as she tangled her legs with his,'I would like to hang photos up of my family. Not the wedding photo.' She frowned,'I don't like looking at that photo. I don't even know why I kept it. I guess it was just to remind myself to never do that.'
'Get married?' He thought about earlier and wondered if she was placating him. It's been his worst fear.
'Not that.' She shook her head and sighed,'I promised I would never let another man control me. Never let anyone tell me who I am.'
He grinned as he kissed the top of her head,'Attagirl. I don't want to control. I like you this way.'
'What?' She chuckled,'Being a pain in your ass?
'That too.' The amusement disappeared from his face as he looked at seriously,'I like you as Becca. Just Becca.'
She smiled at his words. He didn't understand why that meant so much to her. Her whole life, all she's ever wanted is to be enough. Her parents always pushed her. They were kind and loving parents, but they smothered her. Always expecting her to be their perfect little daughter.
When the outbreak happened, she was partially relieved. For the first time she could be herself and forge her own path. She was stupid to think Ben would change after the world ended. He was the same as he's always been; cruel, vicious and demeaning. He took her innocence, her pride and sense of self.
Then he met David, a supposed man of God. He killed Ben and took her for himself. Another doomed marriage.
After everything, this has to be something good. This man didn't treat her like Ben and David. He showed her what's it really like to fight for someone you love. He was the first person who's done that.
Ben would've let her die. Davis would think it was useless and treacherous to go and find her. They would have their excuses.
She was told Joel didn't stop looking for her. For three straight days he tracked her. He's killed for her. He never gave up on her. She would love him until her dying day for that.
The battle was won, but the war still rages. For every one they kill they'll always be someone else. For tonight, everything was quiet and peaceful. For now at least.
(Up next, thanksgiving! I've been waiting to write this chapter because I love holiday themed fics )