Chapter 46: Don't Worry About It
Kagome: Get that gun away from my fucking head before I cut your fucking dick off, dickless
Sango: *facepalms* great. I thought Kagome would get us thrown out, but nooo, she's gonna get us all killed instead
Gunman dude: What did you say, bitch?!
Kagome: So not only are you dickless but you're also deaf? Gotta be tough man.
Miroku: Kagome, I would suggest you stop insulting him, or he might shoot you...
Sango: let him
Kagome: Go ahead, I'll dodge and just cut both your fucking head and your OTHER head off
Kagome: Oh wait, I'd never be able to find the other one since it's so small
Another gunman dude: *pulls another gun on the group* not so fast chica
Kagome: What the fuck is that?! It sounds Spanish or something!
Kagome: Me no habla fucky espanola!
Gunman dude, AKA Bankotsu: shut the FUCK up
Other gunman dude, AKA Renkotsu: dude she's pregnant we should've picked another victim
Kagome: Dananananananananana BAT BITCH
Yashie: Uhhhhhh
Shippo: Mommy are you okay?
Kagome: Woohoo I'ma dog bitch fuck you Ban-Bon!
Ban-Bon (Bankotsu): What the fuck is wrong with her
Miroku: She's pregnant.
Miroku: And you know, just kind of a bitch
*seven dudes with guns are surrounding the group at this point*
Miroku: where the fuck is airport security?!
Shippo: I think I saw them in the bathroom
Shippo: Mommy, they all had their pants down and were crying. What was going on?
Kagome: Don't worry about it
Miroku: what the fuck kind of world are we living in?! What is wrong with people?! Human nature is—
Jakotsu: *sticks gun to Miroku's head*
Miroku: *shuts the fuck up*
Jakotsu: Ooh, you're pretty...but not as pretty as that one. *points at InuYasha who pales*
Yashie: Kagome, please protect me
Sango: HA! Haha! See Roku, even psychopathic guys with guns don't want you now
Miroku: *pouts*
Sango: *grins at him*
Kagome: I think it's mostly because he's always crying
Kagome: *stops moving*
Kagome: *odd look on face* Uh oh
Bankotsu: What's your problem now?
Kagome: Uhhhhhhh
SPLASH
Kagome: Like I said, uh oh
Miroku: Kagome...are you going into labor..?
Suikotsu: shit, boss, what do we do now?
Sango: I think I'm the only one who will be doing anything from here on out *evil smirk*
Yashie: Okay, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY WIFE
Sango: that won't be a problem, Yashie. *roundhouse kicks Jakotsu and Suikotsu* YOU'RE ALL GOING TO HELL YOU FUCKING ANNOYANCES *punches Mukotsu in the nose* WHY DID YOU FOLLOW US HERE *grabs Kyokotsu and Ginkotsu and smashes their heads together* TO BOTHER A PREGNANT WOMAN AND HER CRAZY ASS FRIENDS *smacks Renkotsu in the face so hard he falls over and steps up to Bankotsu* you messed with the wrong fucking people *knees him in the groin*
Miroku: *blinks* that's my wife
Yashie: Yes she's incredible, now can you help me get MY WIFE to the nearest hospital?!
Kagome: So help me I will spray pup juice on you all!
Miroku: right, yes, Inuyasha pick her up I'll call an ambulance since the airport people seem to be...occupied...
Yashie: *picks wife up, her still screaming*
Sango: you go ahead Miroku, I'll finish these guys off
Miroku: *nods* I'll see you on the other side *turns away and calls 911*
Yashie: Kagome, dear, are you alright?
Kagome: Oh yeah I'm fine, just going through EXCRUCIATING PAIN! It's not as though I feel like my vagina is trying to eat itself or in this case, shove something way bigger out
Miroku: they're on there way, it'll be alright, let's just get to the front of the airport
Yashie: Let's go
Miroku: ALRIGHT EVERYBODY CLEAR A FUCKING PATH THIS WOMAN IS GIVING BIRTH AND READY TO KILL ANYONE IN HER WAY
Kagome: He's right
Kagome: WHOEVER IS READY TO ACCEPT THEIR FATE AND BE BRUTALLY MURDERED BY A HALF DEMON GIVING BIRTH NEEDS TO STEP UP
Kagome: Otherwise, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY
People: *scrambling out of the way*
Some guy: why the fuck should I move? I'm in line here
Kagome: *smiles sweetly* If you don't move, I'll cut off your dick with a monkey wrench and shove it up your ass, cylamidiot
Kagome: *pulls monkey wrench from her purse*
Some guy: yeah, as if; you're not really gonna hurt me. Security will stop you
Kagome: They're all in the bathroom, sobbing and clutching their poop chutes. *points to bathroom as Shippo opens the door and shows the crying security people*
Some guy: well,,,you're not allowed to hurt me, and I'm in line
Kagome: Yashie, put me down
Yashie: Are you sure you want to-
Kagome: Do it
Yashie: Yes dear *sets her down*
Kagome: *slowly begins stalking forward, sugary sweet smile never faltering*
Some guy: what are you gonna do, release your newborn baby on me?
Kagome: *never stops smiling* You don't wanna know.
Kagome: You have five seconds
Kagome: One
Kagome: Two.
Some guy: I ain't scared
Kagome: Five. *grins devilishly and pulls out lit match*
Miroku: *peeking through his fingers*
Some guy: sweating profusely
Kagome: Would you like to know what it feels like to be grilled alive?
Yashie and Shippo: *recording the entire thing on video*
Shippo: This is better than the soaps Kirara made me watch
Some guy: *tries to ignore her and move ahead in line*
Kagome: *fiercely grabs his arm* Are you ignoring me? *gives him a Plutia stare
Some guy: u-uh...*tries to shake free* fuck...
Kagome: You guys might not want to see this.. *winks and turns the camera view to show Miroku and InuYasha watching in shock*
Some guy, now off camera: *starts screaming* LET ME GOOOOOOOO
Kagome: *laughing maniacally* CALL ME MADAM GODDESS
Narrator: once Kagome finishes mutilating that guy and they reach the outside of the airport...
Miroku: why the fuck is this ambulance taking so long?
Sango: *shows up next to them, sweating* hey guys...we might need to hurry up a bit...
Miroku: is the band of seven after you?
Sango: no, no, I took care of them just fine...it's the police that are after me
Kagome: *covered in blood* What did you do?
Sango: lets just say the band of seven is now the band of zero...or more like one half...*looks her up and down* what did you do?
Kagome: Nothing important
Sango: *nods* I see. But really, guys, we've gotta get out of here
Kagome: I need a hospital, still
Sango: that is also true...where the fuck is that ambulance...
Shippo: Look mommy!
Sango: is it the ambulance?
Shippo: I think so!
Miroku: can it get here faster?
Kagome: HURRY IT UP
Sango: the police will be here any minute...
Paramedic: *talking in French*
Miroku: *points at Kagome and then her stomach seeing as he can't speak French*
Sango: *replying in french because she can randomly speak it remember* MY FRIEND IS GIVING BIRTH LETS GO
Paramedic: is she injured? She's covered in blood
Sango: don't worry about it
Miroku: *hears police sirens in the distance* guys...
Kagome: Me having le baby! *points at stomach*
Sango: oh forget it *opens back of ambulance without the key and jumps in the driver's seat* get the fuck in!
Miroku: *hops in the passenger side*
Yashie: *puts Kagome on stretcher*
Paramedic: *still in french* what the fuck are you doing!
Sango: your job for you. You're welcome
Kagome: Go!
Sango: *slams on the gas* I don't know where the fuck the hospital is but we're gonna find it
Miroku: *opens up google maps and types something in* Go left
Sango: *swerves left, tires screeching* thanks love
Miroku: You're welcome. In ten minutes, make a right at the light.
Sango: ten minutes? Not good enough. *speeds up*
Yashie: How far are the contractions apart?
Kagome: THEY'RE PRETTY FUCKING CLOSE TOGETHER
Sango: GODDAMNIT *pushes on the gas pedal as hard as possible*
TBC