This chapter was (MOSTLY) transcribed by FireHanyou17, meaning that she capitalized things that originally weren't. Oh, and edited typos because she's a member of the Grammar Police Task Force.
Chapter 48: MCDONALDS AND STOLEN UNDERWEAR
Narrator: MCDONALDS!
Miroku: How long is this line?
Sango: You'd think "fast food" would actually be fast
Miroku: I guess fast food places just can't get it right, even in another country
Sango: We could always go somewhere else...
Miroku: And face Kagome's post-birth rage? I'm sorry, love, but I'm not subjecting myself to that kind of mental abuse
Sango: She never said it had to be McDonald's...we could go to a different place
Miroku: You can, but I want hotcakes. *points at McDonald's breakfast menu*
Sango: Mmm...hash browns sounds good...alright fine we'll wait. But we need to pass the time somehow
Miroku: We can play hi ho cherry o
Sango: ...Excuse me?
Miroku: You don't know it? Child's first counting game?
Sango: I've honestly never heard of that
Miroku: We can play bullshit?
Sango: Bullshit?
Miroku: Yup
Sango: ...how?
Miroku: Know what, nevermind. How about a nice game of 'I Spy'?
Sango: That's an easy one
Miroku: I spy someone beautiful
Sango: *raises eyebrow* Oh?
Miroku: Yes
Sango: Is it...is it the hot cakes you're craving so much? *points to the picture on the menu*
Miroku: No. I'll add a hint. The beautiful someone I spy has long brown hair
Miroku: *pauses and looks around the restaurant full of long haired brunettes* Whoops
Sango: *smirks* You're gonna have to be more specific
Miroku: Uhh...I spy someone beautiful with brown hair and a lovely volatile temper
Brown furred Pomeranian: *snarls and growls, then bites Miroku's shin*
Miroku: Ow!
Sango: Apparently that actually broadened our choices, dear
Miroku: I spy someone beautiful whose name is Sango!
Sango: *blushes* Well I guess there's only one option here...unless another one of these women is named Sango...
Miroku: IT'S YOU MY LOVE
Sango: I know...I was just hoping you'd give me some more compliments...but that was pretty cute
Miroku: *as red as Fire's chat bubble color* ((it's bright red))
Sango: Are you okay?
Miroku: *gives stuttered, half assed excuse* Pfffttttttttttttt sure I am
Sango: Are you...are you freaking out because I called you cute?
Miroku: *looks away like a Tsundere*
Sango: *flicks him in the head* You idiot. Look sharp, it's our turn to order
Miroku: *snaps out of it* Uh, hello. I'll have one-no, two orders of hotcakes with extra syrup and like probably a few chocolate chip cookies.
Cashier: *stares at him blankly before saying something dully in French*
Miroku: Oh, I forgot he doesn't understand me. Darling?
Sango: *rolls eyes and repeats everything he says in French, adding on three hash browns and-* Do you sell chocolate covered hot dogs?
Cashier: *in French* What the hell are chocolate covered hot dogs?
Sango: *in French* Nevermind. Let's just get...another order of hot cakes, some chicken tenders, a burger, and an Oreo McFlurry. *turns to Miroku and speaks English* I just didn't know what Kagome would want
Miroku: Something tells me she'll steal at least half of that.
Miroku: Including the Flurry
Sango: That's why I ordered it. The hash browns, however, are all mine.
Miroku: I shall protect them from her bottomless stomach
Sango: Thank you love. Now...we gotta get all this food back to the hospital
Miroku: *takes the bags from Sango and starts walking out the door
Sango: I can carry some of that ya know
Miroku: Yes, I'm well aware of your incredible strength, but I wish to carry them for you.
Sango: Well...I suppose I can't say no to that
Miroku: Chivalry isn't quite dead yet, dear.
Sango: *mutters* And neither are you...yet
Miroku: You can certainly try, love.
Narrator: Sango and Miroku go back to the hospital, slip the food past the idiot nurses and get to Kagome's room where she's having a stare down with a nurse who's draped all over Inuyasha
Kagome: Can I ask you to get off my husband?
Nurse: I dunno, can you?
Kagome: *eyes narrow just the tiniest bit but hellfire blazes in them*
Inuyasha: *still has nurse clinging on him* Uh oh
Miroku: *looks between Kagome and the nurse* Uhhhh, what's going on here?
Shippo: The nurse is what aunt Sango and mommy would call a 'whorish bitch' and she's all over dad.
Kagome: Bad language, but correct.
Kagome: Anyway, enough of that. Let me be frank. I just gave birth, I'm hungry, one of my friends is a pervert, we've now missed our flight back to Japan which means I will have to pay for it out of my own pocket, and if you do not remove your person from my husband I can guaran-fucking-tee that you yourself will need a fucking hospital room when I'm finished with you.
Kagome: Did you understand that, Marie Fuckalot?
Shippo: Oh wow...
((Fire: Wait!
((Panda: What?
Kagome: Did you understand that, Marie Ménage à trois?
((Fire: She's making a double entendre about the fact that she's French and a whore
Sango: Need me to handle this one, Kagome?
Kagome: Nope. I may have just given birth but that doesn't mean I won't whack a bitch
Nurse: You wouldn't
Kagome: *rips out her IV and stands up in her hospital gown* Try me, putain.
((Fire: I actually had to look up the French word for whore.
Miroku: Whoa, whoa, Kagome, sit down!
Kagome: Shut up. And make sure the food doesn't get blood on it.
Sango: Shouldn't Inuyasha be able to handle this one himself, anyways?
Kagome: I broke his hand when I was giving birth.
Inuyasha: *cradling his broken hand*
Kagome: See? And I wasn't kidding about keeping the food blood free, monk. I am not eating blood soaked whatever's in there. By the way, here. *hands Miroku like $30*
Miroku: *takes the money and steps backwards into a corner, holding the food close*
Kagome: *nods* Good boy
Sango: Nurse lady what's-your-fuck, just fucking get off of him, will ya?
Kagome: *turns to nurse* Get off my husband before I cut off your fucking hands and make you fuck yourself with your own detached limbs.
Sango: Just save yourself the trouble, lady, trust me, you don't wanna be a part of this
Kagome: Yeah! Putain.
Sango: Consider yourself warned... *turns to Kagome* Have fun with this. I'm gonna go eat and then find a way back to Japan *drags Miroku out by his shirt collar again*
Kagome: Have fun with that.
Kagome: *gives nurse psychotic grin*
Nurse: *shrieks and runs out screaming in terror*
Kagome: What I thought.
Kagome: *pauses* Wait...HEY I NEVER GOT TO PUNCH ANYONE
Inuyasha: Thank you, geez, that was uncomfortable...
Miroku: *pokes head in* Violence is never the answer!
Sango: *drags him back out*
Inuyasha: Hey...WHERE'S MY UNDERWEAR?!
Kagome: That whore of a nurse must've taken them. Sango, I don't suppose you'd do me a favor and attack her for me.
Sango: *sighs* I'll give her a piece of my mind
Kagome: Thanks.
Kagome: Wait, Miroku has my food.
Miroku: That I do
Kagome: Gimme.
Miroku: Magic word?
Kagome: *glares* Is it please or now?
Miroku: Alright, alright *hands her the bag which now only has all the extra food*
Sango: We didn't know what you'd want, so we got a bunch of things
Kagome: PANCAKES!
Kagome: *aggressively steals the McFlurry from Miroku*
Miroku: Did I not tell you she would do that, love?
Sango: And did I not agree with you? I didn't just marry you for looks, you know
Shippo: Why, exactly, DID you marry him?
Sango: None of your business. *stuffs a hash brown in her mouth*
Kagome: Because she was drunk
Miroku: Well that wasn't the only reason...
Sango: *munches* And how would you know?
Kagome: Because he's the one who's had blue balls for so long they're now oranage
Kagome: Probably
Miroku: You're forgetting that I was sober that night...
Sango: So?
Miroku: So I remember it
Kagome: He literally aches for you, sis
Miroku: If I recall...it was your idea to get married in the first place
Sango: *mouth full of potato* Huh?
Kagome: Shut up, monk.
Kagome: Let me remind YOU that I was completely trashed and accidentally signed us out of our rooms and needed new ones.
Kagome: Plus the whole 'you both love eachother and want eachother's stuff' thing. Ya know.
Kagome: Doggy wants that kitty's kitty
Yashie: *looks up* What?
Miroku: Sango was the one who saw the ad and said we should get married! I tried to talk her out of it, but she insisted. And do you know what she said to me right before the wedding?
Kagome: What, Roky?
Miroku: She told me that I was "husband material" and she didn't want to be with anyone but me for the rest of eternity. Oh, and she loves me.
Sango: *chokes*
Kagome: Awwww, so cute I may need a dentist
Miroku: I thought it was pretty sweet...
Sango: I was drunk. Idiot.
Miroku: in vino veritas
Kagome: What the hell?
Kagome: *compulsively chewing her pancakes like it's an Olympic sport*
Sango: It's Latin
Miroku: In wine, truth
Kagome: No Latin, weirdo
Miroku: I think Sango thinks it's cute
Sango: *starts coughing* Excuse me *leaves the room*
Kagome: Go after her
Miroku: But my pancakes...
Kagome: *dead eyed stare*
Miroku: *puts hands up* Okay, okay *follows Sango*
Sango: What the hell, Miroku, why are you following me?
Miroku: Because...Kagome told me to
Kagome: *shouting from the hospital room* HE'LL FOLLOW TOU UNTIL YOU LOVE HIM
Kagome: IT'S A BAD ROMANCE
Sango: LADY GAGA? REALLY?
Kagome: FOLLOW YOU TIL YOU LOVE HIM
Miroku: Sango, I didn't mean to embarrass you. I just enjoyed what you said. Our wedding night is a fond memory of mine.
Sango: Yeah? Well at least you remember it
Sango: *runs off* Don't follow me!
Miroku: *returns to the hospital room*
Kagome: FOLLOW HER
Miroku: No
Kagome: Why not?
Miroku: Because I think she's embarrassed and I'd rather not have more damage dealt to my person.
Kagome: You're just a pussy
Shippo: pussy. P-u-s-s-y, pussy.
Miroku: Shippo, you really shouldn't swear.
Shippo: ...
Shippo: pussy.
Kagome: *grins*
Miroku: you...you no longer care about this?
Kagome: Honestly at this point I know he'll just disregard anything I tell him about swearing so I may as well just accept that. But if he disrespects me, shits goin down. Mama didn't raise a bitch.
Shippo: *considers directing his curses towards Kagome, but decided to keep them to himself*
Miroku: well alright...he is getting older...
Sango: *comes back into the room* so I got us new plane tickets
Kagome: Great! Now all we have to do is make sure this kid doesn't start bawling on the damn plane
Miroku: *mutters* sounds like a you problem
Kagome: Miroku, would you like me to bestow physical violence onto your person?
Miroku: no, sir
Kagome: Then shut the fuck up you perverted dickhead
Yashie: Oof. Uh, babe, should we start getting ready to go?
Sango: we have like,,,two hours. And we have to look out for airport security
Kagome: Why
Sango: do you not remember? I committed som e
Kagome: I thought they'd be looking for me
Kagome: Remember? Death threats all around? Lighting ten thousand matches? Shoving my hand in the security guy's face?
Sango: they'll be looking for all of us. Let's get going
Kagome: Fine...*tears off hospital gown*
Inuyasha: *smacks hand over Miroku's eyes*
Miroku: Sango's are bigger anyways. I'm unphased
Sango: *glares*
Yashie: Doesn't matter. Keep your pervert eyes off my mate.
Miroku: I have no intentions of compromising your marriage in any way
Shippo: Guys? Don't we need to go?
Sango: yes, please, get me out of here
Kagome: *grabs Aiko* Sounds good to me. Yashie help.
Yashie: *grabs some bags* Miroku grab your own shit
Miroku: *picks Sango up* aye aye captain
Sango: put me down you idiot
Kagome: Are you implying that Sango is your shit?
Miroku: well she is my wife...
Kagome: You called your wife shit
Yashie: I call mine mate.
Miroku: no, I called her my shit. She isn't shit, she's THE shit
Kagome: I think you need to work on that
Yashie: Not a smooth save, pervert
Sango: let's just go, you idiots
-TBC-