TRANSCRIBED BY FIREHANYOU17 AT LIKE 10:30 AT NIGHT
Chapter 49: No More Pastry Filling
Narrator: THIS IS AN AIRPORT
Sango: I've calculated the fastest way to get to our gate. Let's make a beeline.
Kagome: Sounds good to me.
Sango: Shit...I just realized...
Kagome: What?
Sango: I'm gonna have to spend hours on a plane with this idiot *points to Miroku, who is chugging a jar of pastry filling*
Miroku: They won't let me take it on the plane!
Kagome: Good lord...
Miroku: I can't let it go to waste!
Kagome: Then put it in your prison pocket
Yashie: What the hell is that?
Kagome: *looks into the distance* You don't wanna know
Sango:...ANYWAYS, let's keep moving.
Narrator: Kagome and Miroku somehow manage to get through security but the guards are just a bit suspicious of the white stain on the corner of Miroku's lip
Sango: Why the FUCK do I keep agreeing to get on planes with you people?
Yashie and Kagome: Because we're your only friends?
Sango:...Why don't I have any other friends?
Kagome: Because we're all you need?
Sango:...Mayhaps
Yashie: Everyone shut up. Get on the fucking plane
Kagome: *glares at him* I will make her slap you. *holds Aiko threateningly*
Sango: No, he's right, we're boarding.
Kagome: Whatever.
Narrator: Everyone gets on the plane
Yashie: KEEP KICKIN MY SEAT FUCKFACE I DARE YOU
Kagome: Yashie shut up!
Kagome: *is secretly glad she's finally not the one who has a kid kicking the back of her seat*
Miroku: Sango...I don't feel so good...
Sango: *rolls eyes* It's your fault for eating all that pastry filling
Kagome: You ate too much
Yashie: Fatty
Miroku: Well I would have shared!
Kagome: Yeah but instead you ate it all...fatass
Yashie: Kagome for the love of god make this kid quit kicking my seat.
Kagome: Deal with it
Yashie: KAGOME
Kagome: Shut up. You're going to wake Aiko. If you wake her up, I WILL take revenge
Miroku: Sangoooo, I'm dizzzyyyyyy
Sango: I'm not your mother, Miroku, deal with it yourself
Kagome: You can't get dizzy from eating too much dumbass
Yashie: You get dizzy from your wife smacking you ten thousand times
Miroku: THEN SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME! AAAA!
Sango: He's getting pains from the future then...
Kagome: I think he's still wearing a diaper
Yashie: *goes green* That's disgusting
Sango: *shoves like six ibuprofen into Miroku's mouth*
Kagome: Sango you are my god
Miroku: SANGO I FEEL―nothing
Miroku: I feel nothing
Miroku: SANGO I'M DISSOCIATING
Kagome: Miroku you have multiple personalities
Kagome: And most of them consist of stupidity
Shippo and Yashie: Oohhhhhh
Miroku: OH MY GOD THERE'S A MONSTER ON THE WING OF THE PLANE
Kagome: What did you give him?
Sango: *starts smacking herself in the forehead repeatedly*
Other passengers: *glare annoyedly at them*
Kagome: *glares back*
Kagome: Sango for the love of god shut him up before they make us get off
Sango: *grabs Miroku by the shoulders and looks deep into his eyes* Babe. Shut your fucking mouth. You can scream all you want when we get home
Miroku: *entranced and swaying back and forth calmly and silently*
Kagome: Not what I want
Yashie: If you don't shut him up, I will
Sango: Shhhhh, he's calm, accept it
Miroku: *mumbles something about French chickens*
Kagome: What did you give him though? Those weren't ibuprofen. Believe me
Sango: No, no, I'm sure it was something else...Maybe the pastry filing? It's not like I have drugs
Kagome: Maybe you should keep it down, little miss international crime
Yashie: Yeah really
Kagome: Wait where did he get that filling anyway?
Sango: I think he bought it from the café we went to...but wait, that was days ago, and we didn't have any way to refrigerate it
Kagome: So that's why
Sango: FUCK MY HUSBAND IS GONNA DIE
Kagome: Shut up and pump his stomach! Anybody got charcoal?
Shippo: *holds up a bag of charcoal*
Sango: Charcoal..?
Kagome: Yeah. Charcoal will force him to throw up
Miroku: I highly doubt that anyone on board has charcoal, Kagome
Sango: *blinks* You sound...normal
Kagome: Shippo does
Sango: WHY
Kagome: *eyes him suspiciously*
Shippo: Why not
Sango: But what if he doesn't throw up!
Kagome: He will
Miroku: *muscles relax completely and he slumps, staring at the ceiling*
Sango: K
Kagome: Oh great
Miroku: Life...
Yashie: I think we should call an insane asylum
Kagome: Life is what?
Kagome: Stupidity?
Miroku: Life is meaningless
Yashie: Weird?
Shippo: Savage...
Sango: UM WHAT THE FUCK
Miroku: *stands up out of nowhere* hhhhhhhhhhh
Kagome: Okay, I've had enough of this *stands up and forces Sango to stand up*
Miroku: *starts singing La Vie En Rose but super screechy*
Sango: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON
Kagome: *forces Sango to punch Miroku in the stomach, knocking him out cold* Sweet relief...
Sango: WHAT IF HE'S NOT OKAY?!
Kagome: He's fine
Miroku: *eyes open but he remains unconscious*
Yashie: You constantly physically abuse him and now you wonder if he's okay?
Sango: SHUT THE FUCK UP YASHIE
Flight attendant: Ma'am I'm going to have to ask you to stop swearing.
Sango: so NOW you come over here?! NOT WHILE MY HUSBAND WAS DYING?!
Kagome: He isn't fucking dying. Oh and one more thing, if you keep screaming I will throw you out of this fucking plane and I don't care how long we've been friends. If you wake up my daughter, there will be hell to pay.
Sango: *whisper shouting for Aiko* DID YOU NOT FUCKING SEE WHAT JUST HAPPENED?! LOOK AT HIM!
Kagome: Like Yashie said, you physically abuse him almost every fucking day
Sango: But I know exactly how my hits will affect him! This is dangerous! We're a thousand miles in the air and I don't know what's wrong with him! He looks dead!
Kagome: *nudges his ankle, watching as it twitches*
Sango: DON'T TOUCH HIM!
Kagome: Why are his eyes green
Sango: NOT MY PRECIOUS INDIGO EYES! WHAT THE FUCK?!
Kagome: Stop. Fucking. SCREAMING
Aiko: *low whine slowly rises in volume to full blown bawling*
Yashie: Well shit
—
Narrator: JAPANNNNNNNNNNNN
Miroku: Oh thank god
Kagome: *rolls eyes as she walks to grab her luggage* What's your problem?
Sango: honestly, I'm just glad (and surprised) that we're all still alive
Yashie: Same
Yashie: *has Aiko in one of those Daddy sling thingies*
Sango: Miroku, are you sure you're okay now? Like,,,no more...episodes?
Miroku: Uhhh...I think I'm fine..?
Kagome: *squints eyes and frowns* You sure?
Yashie: *eyes the monk suspiciously*
Miroku: What are you doing?
Yashie and Kag: *shine a flashlight in his eyes* We'll ask the questions, pervert
Sango: not his precious eyes! They're finally back to normal!
Sango: it's fine guys don't worry about it I'll handle it when we get home
Kagome: Fine fine whatever
Yashie: Wait Kagome and I never got any baby shit for Aiko
Kagome: *freezes and slowly turns to him, an incredulous but deadly aura surrounding her*
Miroku: Uh oh
Sango: didn't you buy a ton of baby shit a long time ago? You dragged me to the mall?
Kagome: That was baby clothes!
Yashie: We need like a bassinet and shit
Miroku: so get Rin to make stuff magically appear in your house?
Inuyasha: There's an IKEA right there *points at IKEA*
Inuyasha: But sure we can call the psychopathic murderous thirteen year old.
Miroku: it'll save money
Kagome: Fine
Kagome: *hauls phone out of her bra and dials Rin* Hey can you send like a bassinet and a changing table and like a crib to my and Yashie's house?
Rin: Why?
Kagome: Because I asked you, that's why
Sango and Miroku: *whisper something between each other that the others can't hear*
Yashie: *watching Kagome argue on the phone*
Rin: Explain to me WHY exactly you need this stuff *chainsaw roars in background, horrified screams echoing*
Kagome: *ignoring the screams and the chainsaw because she's long used to it now* Because Yashie got me pregnant remember? You gave me Red Bull and rum early on in my pregnancy
Rin: ...right...
Kagome: Yeah, idjit
Rin: I WILL CLAIM VICTIMS
Rin: YOU SHALL BE THE FIRST
Kagome: You're thirteen years old. The most amount of 'victims' you can claim is Jaken and someone who isn't aware of their surroundings
Sango and Miroku: *still whispering and giggling...this time something about the poor boy who Rin ends up crushing on...*
Yashie: I don't wanna know
Miroku: Kagome, sorry to interrupt, but don't we need to get a cab out of here?