Chapter 38: If you're going down, I'm going too.
'There are no second chances in life, except to feel remorse.'
-Carlos Ruiz Zafon
It's been a week since she went into a coma. He never left her side. He didn't even leave to change or shower. Maria would bring him a change of clothes and he would clean himself up at the hospital.
He didn't want to leave her in case she woke up. He refused to miss that. She would be scared and confused.
The doctors were cautiously optimistic. Sharon kept telling him she would wake up when she was ready, bur each day that went by, he wasn't so sure. He tried to keep the faith, but it was difficult to do that. All he wanted was for her to wake up.
He read books to her. He would talk to her endlessly, telling her if she were in there to wake up. He would beg and plead with her to wake up, but she never did. She just laid there sleeping peacefully.
Sharon joked she was just getting sone much needed rest. She would visit her everyday too. Not just as a doctor, but as a friend. Her friends would come to her room every day to visit her. Betsy told him they were praying for her in church. He appreciated it. He would try anything. He even found himself praying a few times.
The doctors said if she woke up, she might not be the same. He was prepared for that. He didn't care what was wrong with her. He would take care of her. Just as she's done for him so many times over.
No one questioned why he never left ehe hospital. They didn't dare ask to leave. Tommy once asked him if he wanted to go home for a bit and he lashed out. He never asked him again.
He knew he was neglecting the ranch and his duties around town. Ellie, Tommy, Lizzie, Maria and along with some other guys helped keep his ranch running. He was grateful to his friends and his family.
For so long, he was used to taking care of things on his own. Throughout the last few years, he's learned to accept help from people. He couldn't do this alone. He takes a village.
Joel would never forget this moment as long as he lived. It was a Saturday night. They should've been home at the ranch. They should've been tangled up in each other. Instead, he was sitting by her bedside, quietly talking to her. He didn't know if it helped, but it made him feel better at least.
He leaned over and kissed her forehead, whispering,'I don't know if you can hear me, honey, but I need you to listen. Okay?' His tone was clear and firm. He wanted her to hear him loud and clear,'Whoever did this is gonna pay, baby. They're gonna pay for what they did to you.'
Tommy said to focus on Becca. He told him not to worry about that for the time being. He couldn't let it go. Someone did this. Someone shot her right in front of him as he asked her the most important question of their lives. They took that moment from him.
They would pay for that.
His eyes widened as he swore he heard her slightly cough. He wondered if it was just the breathing tube. It's gotten him in the past, making him think she was going to wake up, but she never did. He didn't want anyone to give him false hope.
He refused to say goodbye to her though. That was a cruel kind of torture he didn't want to partake in.
He kept his eyes focused on her face, whispering pleadingly,'Please, baby. Open your eyes.' Tears filled his eyes as he swallowed harshly,'Open those eyes and let me see those beautiful blue eyes of yours.'
His eyes searched her face. Nothing. He sighed as he laid his head on her chest. He closed his eyes and cried softly. He didn't know how many times he begged her. He never begged anyone for anything. He would get on his knees for her though. He prayed over and over to a God he turned his back on a long time ago.
No open helped her. He wondered if God was even listening.
She didn't smell like herself. He couldn't smell the roses or the vanilla. She smelled like blood and sweat. Her usually warm skin was cold and clammy to the touch. He didn't like it, but she was alive. At least he hoped so anyway.
Becca's eyes popped open and she gasped loudly, wincing when she felt the tube down her throat. Everything hurt. Her head was pounding, every muscle in her body ached and was tense. Her stomach felt odd. She felt sore.
Her eyes darted around the room. She was still in a daze. She blinked her eyes a few times to discern her surroundings. She was in a hospital room.
How long had she been here?
The images of that night flashed in her mind. Joel taking her out on a date, laughing and smiling. Happy.
He got down on his knee. He asked her to marry him. A loud pop. She fell. She were shot. She remembered the look of horror on his face. The gut wrenching wail as she fell.
Becca started panicking. She never got to give him her answer. She never got to tell him she wanted forever too.
Joel felt her arm move. He lifted his head up from her chest. His eyes widened as he saw her eyes. She was awake as she stared down at him. She looked confused and scared.
He smiled tearfully. She was awake. He closed his eyes as he kissed all over her face,'Thank you.' He whispered to no one,'Fuck, thank you.'
He could see the breathing tube moving. It looked as if she were trying to speak.
He nodded as he stood up from his chair,'I got you, baby. You're okay.'
'Doctor!' He shouted at the top of his lungs,'I need a nurse in here!'
Sharon and Evelyn came running into the room. Their eyes widened and they both had smiles on their faces.
Sharon and Evelyn both slowly slid the breathing tube out of her mouth.
Joel stood at the foot of her head as he intently watched them take the tube out of her throat. She gagged and wretched as they slid it out all of the way.
She started dry heaving and Evelyn placed a tray underneath her, letting her throw up bile.
His fist was pressed against he tried to suppress his sobs. She shouldn't be here. She should be safe and happy back at the ranch. She was alive though. Maybe God answered his prayers after all.
Sharon called in Chuck to assess her. They wanted to know if she had any brain damage. Joel watched as they looked her over.
She looked up at him. Her eyes were glazed over from the pain medication. He didn't even know if she were really looking at him.
She swallowed harshly, wincing as she kept her bleary eyes on him,'Joel.'
His name. She said his name in a croaked and horse voice. At first, he thought he imagined it, but she said his name again. There wasn't any mistaking it.
He ran over to her bedside and gently swept her bangs away from her forehead. He kept his hand placed on her forehead as Chuck flashed a light into her eyes.
He kissed her temple and sighed in relief, whispering.'I'm here, honey girl. Joel's here. I'm here. I never left you. Never gonna leave you again. I love you so much.'
She seemed to relax at that. She leaned back against the bed, sighing softly. Her throat hurt. It felt dry and sore. Her abdomen ached and throbbed. She could feel the stitches in her stomach. Did she die? She didn't think so. She hoped she didn't anyway.
Chuck turned to Sharon and gave her a small smile,'No brain damage as far as I can see.'
Sharon sighed in relief as she checked her reflexes,'She doesn't seem to have any neuropathy. All her limbs work. She isn't paralyzed.'
It's been one of their worst fears. She would wake up and have brain damage or not be able to walk again. Joel didn't worry about that. He would take her however she is. As long as she were alive.
Sharon walked up to Becca and kissed her forehead,'You gave us a scare, girly.'
'Yeah.' Chuck nodded as he laughed softly, looking at Becca with affection,'Our old hearts can't take it.'
Joel snorted and nodded in agreement. The last week almost killed him. He's never been so afraid.
Sharon and Chuck finished their assessment of her. They gave her a sedative and pain medication to keep her comfortable. They left the room with Evelyn, giving them some time alone together.
Joel knew Sharon would tell the others. They would be flooding the room to come and see her. He wanted to relish whatever time he had alone with her. He didn't think he would ever have this again.
He carefully sat down at her bedside and took her hand in his. She seemed a little out of it, which is to be expected. He wanted to say so much to her. His mind was racing with everything he knew he needed to say, but he would have the chance. It wouldn't have to be today.
They had time.
Becca opened her mouth to say something, but her tongue felt heavy in her mouth. Her mouth was dry. She was thirsty. So thirsty.
Joel looked over her face as she struggled to speak,'You wanna talk?' He saw her eyes look over at the cup on her table.
His eyes widened and he leaned over her to grab the cup of water,'I got ya, baby girl. It's alright.'
He carefully placed the cup of water up to her mouth. He gently cupped the back of her head to help her drink. He tilted the cup back, letting her take a sip of water. She pushed her mouth against the cup, drinking from it greedily.
'Easy now.' He whispered soothingly,'Drink up. You've been out for awhile.'
She finished the cup of water and winced as the pain in her stomach intensified. She had seen the incision when Chuck lifted up her blanket to inspect it. They cut her from under her ribcage all the way to the bottom of her abdomen.
Tears filled her eyes. She couldn't believe this happened. This wasn't supposed to happen anymore. She was supposed to be safe. Happy.
She looked up at him. He looked like he hasn't shaved in a long time. His face was covered in a beard and his hair was messy, sticking up every which way. He had heavy bags under his eyes, like he hasn't slept.
He looked so much older. The lines on his face were more pronounced. He looked as if he's been through war.
'You…' She took a breath as she stared up at him,'Look like shit.'
He laughed for the first time in a week as he set her empty cup down on the table,'I usually do. You make me look good.'
She closed her eyes and sighed softly. He stroked her hair as tears filled her eyes. She had been in darkness. She never thought she would escape. She were in limbo. Someone decided to bring her back. It wasn't her time yet.
Becca tried to move her limbs, but she was too weak. She huffed as she laid back against the bed. She hated that this happened. Things weren't supposed to go like this.
He seemed to sense her agitation. He stroked her cheek and shook his head,'You don't have to force yourself, Becca.' He shook his head, his eyes never leaving her face, 'You got shot in the stomach. You went into cardiac arrest. Twice. You've been out for a week.' He choked up as tears filled his eyes,'You scared the shit outta me.' He broke down into sobs as he laid his head on her chest,'I thought I lost ya, baby. I was scared. So scared.'
She frowned as she looked down at him. She drudged up as much strength as she could and weakly lifted her hand up, then placing it on top of his head.
He cried even harder as she weakly ran her hands through his hair. He closed his eyes and sighed, reveling in her touch. He truly didn't know if he would ever feel he's again.
Joel didn't know how long he cried. She didn't say anything. She just laid there with her hand in his hair as she comforted him.
All of the emotions of the last week culminated to the surface. He cried in relief. He didn't lose her. She was still here. He didn't care if she didn't want to be with him anymore. He didn't care if she ran away from him. She would be alive. It's the only thing he cared about.
Becca swallowed harshly as she blinked away tears,'Yes.'
She gasped out the word, making him look up at her with wide eyes. His searched her face, struggling to understand,'What you saying, baby?' His fingertips traced the line of her jaw delicately. She was so precious to him.
She clenched her eyes shut and struggled to speak. She wanted to tell him that she would marry him. She never got to tell him her answer. It was the last thing she thought before everything went black. When she woke up, it was the first thing she thought about. He needed to know.
He pressed kisses all over her face as he cradled the side of her head,'It's okay, my girl. You don't have to talk. Just rest.' He carefully laid himself down next to her and placed his arm over her chest protectively,'I'm not going anywhere.'
Becca closed her eyes and sighed softly. She couldn't even get the strength to tell him. He deserved to know.
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The next few days were going to be definitive for her. The doctors were optimistic she would make a recovery, but it would take some time. The surgery had been grueling. She was shocked when they told her she died on the operating table. Twice.
Becca had started to gain some strength back. She wasn't strong to move out of bed yet, but she was talking. She could sit up and have visits.
She was still in excruciating pain. She would probably feel like this for a long time. She had a long road to recovery, but she had a good support system.
Her room was filled with homemade cards giving her well wishes and a speedy recovery. She touched by the overwhelming show of support. It's been w long time since anyones cared for her well being.
She had great friends. Maria and Ellie visited her everyday. They would sit with her, making her laugh or give her the gossip around town. They brought her clothes from home so she wouldn't have to wear a hospital gown.
Joel never left her side. She would have to remind him to eat and take care of himself. He refused to leave her, thinking she would up and disappear. It's not like she could leave if she wanted to. She wouldn't be going anywhere for awhile.
She was afraid for him. He would try to get vengeance on his own. She didn't want to to get himself killed over her. She wanted them to live.
They didn't talk about that night. They only focused on the present. Neither of them had the guts to bring it up, but she knew they needed to talk about it.
He never asked her what her response would've been to his question. She tried telling him when she woke up, but she had been too weak to say the words.
Ever since she woke up, people were always coming and going out of her room. They didn't have any time to be alone.
It was eight in the evening and visiting hours were over. Joel had gone to take a shower somewhere in the hospital. Sharon told her he's been pretty much living here for the last week and a half.
No one had the guts to tell him to leave. Visiting hours didn't apply to him. He refuse to leave her. Never again.
She looked up and smiled softly when he walked into the room. His hair was wet and slicked back. He was wearing jeans and a dark blue t shirt. He needed a shave and some rest. He looked as if he hasn't slept in days.
His eyes widened slightly when he saw her awake. He gave her a wide smile, his eyes drinking as he walked over to her beside,'Hey, beautiful girl.' He leaned and kissed her forehead,' You alright?'
'Yeah.' She licked her dry lips as he sat down next to her on the bed, taking her hand in his,'Are you okay?'
He bowed his head as he chewed on the inside of his cheek. He didn't know how to answer her. He felt immense relief she woke up, but he was uneasy. On edge. He couldn't rest until he found the person who shot her.
'My mind's racing.' He shook his head and sighed,'What if they come back here?'
'Then we'll take care of it.' She shrugged,'Just like we always do.' She ducked her head to meet his gaze,'You better listen to Tommy and wait it out. You can't ride around killing everyone. They need you here. I need you here.'
He looked over at her and smiled tearfully. He lifted her hand up to his mouth and kissed the back of it. Her skin was warm again,'I ain't leave ya. Not again.'
She closed her eyes and sighed in relief,'Good, because I thought you would blame yourself because of this and you would give me any reason under the sun why we shouldn't be together. I thought I would lose you.'
His eyes widened and he shook his head,'No fucking way. I ain't leaving ya again. You're stuck with me.'
'For the rest of your life?' She asked the question hesitantly.
She carefully watched him, seeing how he would react. She was surprised to find him crying. She frowned and gritted her teeth in pain as she lifted her hand up to wipe the tears off his space.
'I'm sorry.' She stroked his his beard as he leaned down and rested his forehead against hers,'I'm sorry our night was ruined.'
'They'll be other nights.' He promised her, leaning no room for discussion. He took a deep breath to gather his courage as his eyes raised up to look into hers,'Do you remember the question I asked you that night?'
She felt her heart pounding, making her chest ache. The heart monitor spiked, making the machine beep loudly.
He stroked the sides of her face, shushing her,'It's okay, baby. Calm down. We don't need to talk about this today. You need your rest.'
She shook her head adamantly,'No, you need to know.' She took a deep breath as he waited in anticipation,'You deserve to know.' She shook her head,'Joel, I-'
Evelyn walked into the room, interrupting their private moment. He pursed his lips and shook his head angrily. So close. She had been so close to telling him.
Always so close but never to the finish line. The story of his life.
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Becca stayed in the hospital for over a month before she was released. Joel and Ellie were there to take her back home. She still had a ways to go for recovery, but at least she could go home.
Tommy let Joel borrow his car. He didn't think Becca would be comfortable on a horse. He had been nervous to drive again. The last time he drove, she was in the car with him.
Their night was almost perfect. The memories of that night fluttered like bats out of hell. The pain of that night still resonated within him. He wanted to drink or get high so bad, but he never did. He didn't want to disappoint her.
Ellie sat in the passenger side while Becca sat up in the back. He kept checking on her in the mirror. Her head was resting against the window.
As if sensing his eyes on her, she turned her head and met his eyes through the mirror. She gave him a small smile as she closed her eyes, feeling sleepy.
He turned his attention back to the road in front of him and shook his head, smiling to himself. He was bringing her home. She survived. Maybe God did answer his prayers. He might actually have to start going to church.
They pulled up in front of the house and Joel parked the car. Ellie got out the car and ran into the house, making sure everything was all set and ready to go for her.
Sharon gave them explicit instructions on her after care. She would need to be on bed rest for two weeks, but a nurse would come over and help her with physical therapy. She needed to regain the control of her muscles again. She lost a lot of blood. It would take some time before her body healed from the shock.
Joel opened the back door and leaned inside,'Come on. Let's get you inside.'
He hooked his arms under her legs and carefully slid her out of the car. He held onto her bridal style as he walked up to the house. He walked her over the threshold and felt his heart clench tightly. He would've done this when they were married. She would've been laughing and teasing him for being so old fashioned. She wouldn't be sick from getting shot.
He struggled with the idea of staying away from her, keeping his distance. He thought it would be for the better. He didn't let himself dwell on it for too long. He couldn't leave her even if he tried. She would never forgive him. He couldn't bear the thought of her hating him. He could run anymore. It only made things worse.
Joel carried her up the steps. She was surprised when he past the guest bedroom. He was taking her to their room. Just as he promised that fateful night.
He walked into the room and her eyes widened. The Christmas tree was in the corner of the room by the window. It was decorated with homemade tinsel and popcorn. Light were strewn on it. There was a paper star on top that was painted gold.
He walked her over to the Christmas tree, letting her see it up close,'Remember these?
She blinked away tears as she looked at the ornaments. She remembered when he showed these to her in the barn. That had been a happy day.
'You weren't…awake for Christmas.' He sighed,'I knew you were excited for it. I wanted to make sure you could…you could….enjoy it.'
If she didn't love him; she certainly would now. This meant the world to her. He went through all this trouble just to make her happy. She would love him forever for that.
'Thank you.' Becca's eyes filled with tears as she shook her head in disbelief,'Thank you so much. I…' She didn't know what to say. She was too overcome with emotion.
'I know.' He nodded as he kissed the top of her head,'Thank you for staying. For not leaving us.'
Ellie pursed her lips and crossed her arms over her chest, 'Hey, don't take all the credit. I'm the one who decorated it because you kept putting the ornaments on one side making it fall over.'
Becca tried to laugh, but it hurt too much. She laid her head against Joel's chest. It was good to be back.
Ellie pointed down to the bottom of the tree,'We even have presents. I put me and Joel's present down there too.'
Becca narrowed her eyes,'How did you find them?'
'I was getting some clothes for you and found them at the back of the closet. I didn't peek, I swear.
Becca didn't care if she did. She was just happy to be back home.
Joel carried her over to the bed and Ellie pulled the covers over her. He sat down on the bed next to her, making sure she was comfortable and situated while Ellie grabbed the presents. Joel propped up the pillows behind her head so she could sit up.
Ellie carried them over to her bed and placed them down next to her,'What one do you wanna open first?'
'You open yours first.' She averted her eyes between the two most important people in her life,'Please.'
Ellie picked her present up and gave Joel his. He waited for her to open hers first. He appreciated the gift, but having Becca and Ellie here were all he needed.
Ellie tore open her present in excitement. Her eyes widened when she saw a wooden box. She lifted up the lid and saw all the various colored pencils, brushes and paints.
Ellie stared at the gift in awe, shaking her head in disbelief,'Where did you get this?'
She nervously wrung her hands in her lap,'I've been working on it for awhile. I made most of the paint, but I asked some of the men around town if they found any art supplies while on their travels to bring time back.'
Joel's brows furrowed and he shook his head,'Why didn't you ask me?'
Ellie and Becca both looked at each other. They knew he couldn't keep a secret to save his life.
Ellie leaned over and hugged Becca,'Thank you so much. I love it.'
'You're welcome.' She patted her cheek,'As long as you make me some pictures to hang around the house.'
Joel smiled tearfully as he watched the change between them. They were good to each other. Becca was motherly to Ellie. He knew she would make a great mom. He started becoming open to the idea of having kids with her. He thought he was passed that point in his life, but she made him want those things with her. Nobody else.
Her eyes widened and she nodded,'You got it.' She turned to Joel and smirked,'Your turn.'
Joel carefully opened his present. There was a small box and he lifted up the lid. He was surprised to find a pocket watch inside. It was silver and he gingerly picked it up, looking it over.
It still worked and was set for the correct time. It looked to be an antique.
'It was my great grandfather's.' Becca nodded as she watched him studying it,'I found it on my brother when he…' She sighed,'It was passed down to every first born men in our family. I don't have any real family left, but even if I did. I know that my daddy would want you to have this. You and Ellie are my family now.' She averted her eyes between them,'We take care of each.
Ellie nodded as she looked over at Joel,'Damn right we do.'
Joel placed the pocket watch carefully into the box. He was rendered speechless at the moment. It meant so much to him that she wanted him to have this. She called him her family. He felt the same way about her and Ellie.
He bent down and kissed her forehead, whispering,'Thank you, darlin. I'll keep it safe. I'll cherish it.'
'I know you will.' She nodded and smiled softly,'I know.'
Ellie picked up one of two presents for her and placed it on her lap,'This is from me.'
Becca was smiling as she slowly opened up the gift. She tore away the paper and her eyes widened when she saw the various packets are flower and fruit seeds. It was too cold to grow anything, but she appreciated the gesture. She gave her something she would need and love.
'I love them.' She smiled up at Ellie, who had a pleased look on her face,'When the weather breaks we can plant them together. Deal?'
Ellie nodded and smiled,'Deal.'
Joel leaned over her and picked up his gift, 'This is mine.'
He cleared his throat and she opened his gift. He rubbed his sweaty palms on his jeans. He was nervous. He's never really been comfortable with things like this. He used to make holidays a big event for Sarah.
After she died, he didn't see a reason to celebrate anymore. This was supposed to be their first Christmas together they could enjoy. Christmas came and went. It was January, bur time stopped when she went into a coma. It was time to pick up where they left off.
It was a large box and Becca lifted the lip open. Her eyes widened when she saw the riding gloves. There were a brown leather and lined with rabbits' fur on the inside.
'I made them myself.' He shrugged as he averted his eyes downward, feeling out of his depth, 'You told me you needed new ones.
She smiled as tears filled her eyes. He remembered. He always did. He listened to her. He was the first man who ever did.
Joel took one of the gloves out of her hand as he pointed to something inside of it,'Look what I did.'
Becca looked into the glove, seeing the small initials etched into the lining.
R.M.
She stared up at him and shook her head confusingly,'Does that mean?'
He gave her a small smile and nodded,'Rebecca Miller. I made them before you…' He sighed,'I thought by the time you got them. We woulda already been…I hoped…'
He didn't finish his train of thought. He didn't have to. She understood what he was trying to tell her. He would've married her as soon as she said the word. Joel wasn't the waiting type.
Ellie averted her eyes between the two, seeing this as her cue to leave. The grownups needed some time alone. She felt as if she were listening in on a private conversation.
Ellie picked up the trash from off her bed and excused herself from the room, making sure to close the door behind her.
Once they were alone, Becca cupped his bearded cheek in her hand,'What you asked me that night. Does that offer still stand?'
He laughed as tears fell down his face. He was shaking with nervousness and anxiousness. Only she could make him feel like this.
'Does that offer still stand?' He shook his head,'You really have to ask me that?'
He didn't seem angry. Just hurt and disappointed. How could she ask him that after everything?'
'A week doesn't change anything.' He sighed,'Of course my offer still stands. It'll always fucking stand.'
She nodded as she stroked his cheek,'I never had to chance to give you an answer.'
He felt the nausea come over him. This was it. The moment that would make or break him. He was too afraid to look at her for fear he might find rejection in her eyes.
'Yes.' She said clearly, leaving him no doubt its what she said, 'My answer was yes then and it's yes now.' She shook her head,'Yes, I will marry you, Joel. Of course I will.'
He broke down into sobs at her words. He clenched his eyes shut as the tears fell down his face. He was relieved. Overwhelmingly relieved. He's struggled with this since she got shot. He knew it was selfish, but he needed to know. He didn't want to lose her without ever knowing.
He rested his fleshes against hers and stroked her cheeks,'I don't have a lot to offer ya. Just a ranch and a broken down old man.' He smirked as she rolled her eyes,'I know. I know. I ain't old. I'm just vintage.'
She smiled softly. She would always say that to her when he mentioned being too old for her. She didn't see it that way. She just saw him.
He nuzzled his nose against hers, whispering,'I meant what I said that night. Every word. I can't imagine doing this without you, honey girl. I don't even wanna try. You'll really marry me?'
Her heart broke for him. His asked so hesitantly, his voice small. It was almost like he didn't believe it himself.
She ran her fingers through his hair at the nape of his neck,'Of course I'll marry you, Joel. I never thought I would want that again.'
'What changed your mind?' He whispered, closing his eyes as she ran her hand through his hair.
'You.' She answered simply,'I feel safe with you. I'm not afraid of anything when you're with me. You take me as I am. You don't try and change me. You're my best friend.'
He relished in her words. It felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. She wanted to marry him. She wanted to be Rebecca Miller.
His wife.
The thought scared the shit out of him, but exhilarated him all at once. He was fifty three years old and about to start his life all over again. He was going to be someone's husband. He could potentially be a father again. If that's what she wanted. He would give her anything he could.
'I'm gonna try and make you happy. We're gonna have bad days, but I'll never leave. I'll stay. I ain't going anywhere.' He sighed shakily, his eyes looking over her face,'I'll give ya whatever I can. Broccoli seeds, fucking moon rocks.'
He grinned when she tried to laugh, but winced as her stitches pulled. His face became serious once again,'I'll give you babies.'
'Babies?' Her eyes widened as warmth spread throughout her chest,'Babies? You…want babies with me?'
'Yeah.' He nodded slowly,'I meant what I said that I want everything with you. When you're better, I'll find us a preacher. We don't need religion if you don't want it. We'll do whatever ya want.' He took her hands in his, squeezing them gently,'When you're recovered. We're gonna get hitched. I don't wanna waste anymore time, Becca. No more.'
She squeezed his hands as much as she could and nodded,'No more.'
'Ellie!' Joel yelled out as he kept his attention on Becca,'Come up here, please!'
Ellie opened the door and walked inside the room. She rolled her eyes and sighed,'What did I do? I was in my room studying. I swear it wasn't me.'
Joel sighed and shook his head,'You ain't in trouble.' He turned to Becca and tucked her hair behind her ear,'I wanted to tell ya first.' Becca smiled encouragingly and nodded silently telling him she was okay with it,'Me and Becca are getting hitched.'
'Today?' Ellie's eyes widened as she looked over at them warily,'Is Becca dying or something?'
Joel glared at her warningly,'I thought I told ya about saying that.' He frowned,'She ain't dyin. No one's dying.'
'We're getting married because we love each other. We want to do things right this time.'
Ellie averted her eyes between them,'So you two get married and become the Millers?'
Joel nodded and smirked,'That's usually how it goes. Yeah.'
Ellie pursed her lips and crossed her arms over her chest,'I'll be the only one living in this house who won't be a Miller.'
Joel stared at her in shock. He didn't think that mattered to her. It did though.
'Do you wanna be a Miller?' Joel turned to face her,'Is that what ya want?'
Ellie considered it for a moment and nodded,'Yeah, I think I would. No one would be looking for Ellie Miller.'
She was right. He hated she even needed to think about that. She was almost seventeen years old. She shouldn't be worrying about people coming after her, but it was the reality of the situation.
Becca smiled as tears filled her eyes. She motioned for Ellie to come closer to her and she obliged. She walked over to her bedside, gripping the railing.
Becca placed her hand over hers, whispering,'You don't have to change your last name because you think you have to hide'
'It's not that.' She shook her head and sighed,'It's a little bit because of that, but not the entire reason,'I wanna be a Miller because I've never really felt like a Williams.' She frowned,'It was even my mom's. It was some fake last name the school gave me. It's not who I am. It's not who I want to be. I'm Ellie Miller. You gave me a choice, Joel. I would be proud to take your name.'
'Me too. Becca agreed.
Joel shook his head in disbelief,'Then you're a Miller.'
He didn't deserve these women. He would spend the rest of his life trying to be worthy them time. It was hard to believe four years ago he was living in sone rundown apartment with Tess. He stole and killed to survive. He didn't look forward to a new day. He was bitter, cold and unfeeling. Now, he would have a wife and an adopted daughter.
'What about the person who shot you?' Ellie frowned,'Did you see who did it?'
'El.' Joel shook his head and sighed,'Not now. She can't think about that right now. She needs to focus on getting better.'
'I didn't see them. Becca ignored his warning,'I don't know who did it. I…I'm afraid it was what was left of David's followers, but there were only a handful of them left. They wouldn't have known where I was going. They wouldn't do this. They hated David as much as I did.'
'Fireflies?' Ellie's eyes widened in realization,'Do you think they found us?'
Becca and Joel shared a knowing look. They both shared the same fear. Him and Tommy were working on tightening up security in town.
Sharon was hard at work talking to her connections. Her sources said the Fireflies were obsolete. It could've been remnants of the Peacekeepers, bur Sharon wasn't convinced. This wasn't their style.
Could it have been someone from Becca's past? Joel had pissed off so many people over the years. It could've been a family member getting revenge for one of his many killings. It could've been another scorned lover. Shit, it literally could've been anyone from his past.
There hasn't been another incident since that night. He knew it was a warning. The worst was yet to come.
Joel looked up at the clock and sighed,'It's time for bed. You have school in the morning.'
He didn't want to talk about this anymore. He didn't want to upset Becca. She wasn't even close to recovering. She needed her strength.
Ellie sighed as she said her good nights and left the room, closing the door behind her.
Becca looked over at him and sighed,'She's right, ya know. They're not done yet. This was a warning.'
'I know.' He ran his hands through his hair and sighed,'We're figuring out. I don't want you to worry about that tonight.'
She leaned back against the bed with a huff. It was easier said than done. All she could was worry. It's not like she could do anything else right now.'
'When the time is right. I'm helping. I'm going with you.' She closed her eyes,'This is my fight just as it is yours. They almost killed me and I took that personally.'
He laughed and shook his head, knowing there was be any use in arguing with a woman who made up her mind,'Me too, baby girl. Me too.'
He got up from the bed to make sure she was situated and comfortable. He made sure she took her evening medications. He put the fire place on, making sure she was warm enough.
He was walking back over to the bed when he saw her staring at him nervously,'What's wrong?'
She frowned as he motioned down to her abdomen,'I need a favor.'
'Anything.' He shook his head,'You name it.
She smiled up at him grateful,'I need you to clean and change my bandages so they won't get infected.'
He was right on it. One of the nurses taught him how to properly clean and change it. He made sure to pay attention. The last thing he wanted to do is hurt her. Again.
He pulled the blanket down as he carefully lifted up her nightgown. She was wearing panties, but she didn't care about being exposed in front of him. This was going to be her husband. There would be no shame between them.
Joel gently and carefully peeled off the bandages. She hissed slightly as the tape stuck to her skin,'I'm sorry, baby.'
'It's alright.' She shook her head,'Thank you for doing this.'
He looked up at her and grinned,'My pleasure, darlin. It's my job. Sickness and in health, right?'
She shook her head in disbelief. She was going to be married for the third time. They say third times the charm. She hoped this one would last. She had a feeling it would.
Becca wasn't afraid of marriage to him. Fear never even crossed her mind. They were naturally progressing to this. He would treat her well. He would love her. She was already taking care of her.
Ben nor David wouldn't have done this for her. Hell, she broke her ankle once and Ben couldn't even be bothered to help her take a shower. Her mama always had to come over and help her. David would send one of his women to help her. Guide forbid he should lift a finger to take care of his wife.
Joel didn't complain. He stayed with her in the hospital, refusing to leave her side. Sharon said he tore up the hospital. He scared the nurses and orderlies. She told her talked to her everyday. Just as she did for him while he was in the hospital.
He wouldn't look at marriage as being one sided. She would have a partner in life. His equal.
Joel didn't even flinch when he saw the long incisions. They stapled the incision together. His eyes trailed up the length of it. It was bigger than he remembered. The skin around it was bruised.
Chuck told him they had to break a few ribs to get to her heart. Joel almost threw up when Chuck told him he actually had to grab her heart in his hand to start pumping again. He would have to build that man a house or something.
There was dried blood near the incision. The puckered skin around her scar was red. He couldn't even imagine what kind of pain she's in. She didn't complain. Not once. He had been a miserable asshole while recovering from his heart attack. Although, many would say they didn't see much of a difference compared to the healthy Joel.
Becca looked down at the incision and frowned,'I'm gonna have a hell of a scar.'
'You're alive.' He stared up at her and shook his head,'You're still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.'
He gently pressed the clean cloth around her incision, making sure to clean the edges as he was instructed to do. She winced and hissed a few times as he touched a sensitive part of her wound, but for the most part she was silent.
Once he was finished cleaning it, he bent down and pressed featherlight kisses around the incision, nuzzling into her skin,'So pretty.' He whispered against her skin,'So beautiful.'
She smiled through her tears as she ran her hand through his hair. She wouldn't worry about the scar. There wasn't anything she could do about it anyway. It was a reminder that she was alive. She survived. Someone tried to take her away from him, but they didn't succeed. They wouldn't never succeed as long as the both of them were alive.
Besides, the way Joel looked at her. The way he willingly kissed around her incision without any disgust; she knew he could care less. He had many scars himself and she accepted him.
He pulled her nightgown down and placed the covers up over her.
He took all the trash off her bed as he sat down next to her,'I can sleep in the guest bedroom to give you some space.'
She looked up at him and bit back a frown,'Do you wanna sleep in there?'
'No.' He shook his head,'You're gonna be my wife. I want to be with you.'
'Then be with me.' She sighed,'I want you in here with me too.'
He got up from the bed and took off his jeans and t shirt, leaving him in only his boxers.
Joel carefully laid down next to her. He was thankful the bed was large enough to accommodate them both and still give them room. When Tommy asked what sized bed he wanted, he answered without hesitation. King. He didn't know it back then, but something told him he would need it. He would be lying if he said he didn't think about her. Even then, she had been on his mind.
'I love you, Joel.' She whispered as she closed her eyes, the medication making her feel tired,'I can't wait to be married.'
He smiled softly as he kissed her chest, whispering,'Feeling's mutual, darlin.'
She was fast asleep. She probably didn't even hear him. He closed his eyes and breathed her in. Safe. Alive. The two words that meant the most to him in this world.
He never thought he would lay like this with her again. He resigned himself to a miserable fate. He didn't expect luck to be on his side. She woke up. She wanted to marry him.
He was almost afraid to go to sleep. He didn't want to wake up knowing this was all a dream. For once in his life, he didn't fail a woman.
(Coming up in the next chapter, Tommy, Joel, Maria and Sharon all talk about their theories of who shot Becca. You'll never guess )
To everyone reading this from Tumblr. If anyone could reblog my work or give me some love. I would appreciate it! My tumblr is jonsa1)