Chapter 52: Entertaining Demon Children For Dummies
Recap:
Kagome: Yashie, you're so fucking stupid *drags Yashie out of the house, the door still open*
Miroku: What about Aiko and Shippo?
Kagome: Babysit them! *tosses Miroku twenty bucks and a KitKat*
Sango: *pokes head out of kitchen* did our friends just leave us with their children without asking?
Now:
Kirara: As long as they don't fuck here, I don't care
Sango: WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE
Aiko: *scratches Kirara*
Kirara: OUCH
Miroku: Yes, that's definitely Kagome's child
Miroku: *grabs a binkie from Aiko's baby bag and places it in her mouth*
Sango: Kirara get the fuuuck away from my husband
Miroku: *slowly slides away like a slug without actually moving, Aiko in his arms*
Shippo: *sighs and walks over to Sango*
Sango: at least SOMEBODY in this house is responsible
Miroku: The overlords have spoken
Shippo: The overlords say to do whatever it was before you showed up
Kirara: So go back to being a stripper
Shippo: What's a stripper?
Miroku: *grins, and leans down to whisper but is dragged back up my Sango and receives a reprimanding scratch from Aiko*
Sango: *covers Shippo's ears* KIRARA I CANNOT TRUST YOU AROUND SHIPPO AFTER WHAT HAPPENED NOW GO FIND SOME BOYS WHO AREN'T TOO YOUNG OR TOO OLD
Kirara: So the Goldilocks range
Sango: *still covering Shippo's innocent-ish ears* the what?
Kirara: The Goldilocks range. Not too much, not too little?
Miroku: What counts as too much and too little?
Kirara: Anal?
Miroku: *snorts*
Sango: just get out, go find some bimbo dudes to play with
Sango: and don't do anal, kids
Kirara: Done and done, lemme pull a condom out of my ass
Miroku: *chokes*
Sango: you're dangerously close to strike three
Miroku: *opens a bag of cooked popcorn*
Shippo: Mommy pulled that out of her shirt
Miroku: Women have lots of things in their shirts
Aiko: *scratches him*
Miroku: Ouchie. I suppose I deserved that one?
Sango: how is she sentient...
Miroku:...She is alive you know, and vaguely coherent.
Sango: but she was just born two days ago...
Miroku: Exactly
Shippo: Wasn't she the reason mommy kept plotting murder?
Miroku: I believe so, Shippo
Sango: Kagome plus pregnant woman equals...a nightmare
Miroku: You don't want to know what she did to the man who disrespected her at the Paris airport
Sango: we should really stay out of airports and airplanes from now on
Miroku: So do we travel by Rin's portals?
Sango: don't say her name! She might appear!
Sango: but mayhaps
Shippo: Her portals make me sick
Sango: they do?
Miroku: He means they give him motion sickness
Sango: but you don't even move
Miroku: It's the motion of passing through still time
Miroku: The act of portal travel, it's like time travel. Which makes him sick
Sango: that's an interesting concept...
Miroku: It makes sense though
Sango: why are you so educated on it?
Miroku: *pulls book out of nowhere*
Miroku: I began educating myself on the concept of space/time travel sometime when we discovered that she who shall not be named has the ability to do that
Sango: I had no idea
Miroku: Soooooooooo...do you think our dear friends are giving Aiko another sibling?
Aiko: *bites him*
Shippo: You had that coming
Sango: they better not be! I can't handle any more pregnant Kagome!
Kagome: *crawls in the window* Shut. Up. *crawls back out*
Miroku: Okay then
Sango: how...why...so many questions that I don't want answered
Miroku: I'd like to not think about it
Sango: so...how exactly do we entertain children?
Miroku: *takes out Ghostbustersand places My Little Pony in the DVD player*
Sango: why...why do we own that
Miroku: *looks away*
Sango: explain.
Miroku: *slides away*
Sango: MIROKU GET BACK HERE AND WATCH THIS STUPID GIRLY KIDS SHOW WITH OUR CHILDREN
Miroku: OUR CHILDREN? *hearts in eyes*
Sango: ...fuck
Sango: YEAH uh...wELL THEY'RE GONNA END UP BEING OUR CHILDREN WHEN KAGOME AND INUYASHA ARE LABELLED AS UNFIT PARENTS BY THE GOVERNMENT
Shippo: nice save aunt Sango
Miroku: Ouch
Kagome: *rolls in through the window with a bathrobe on* I AM NOT AN UNFIT PARENT YOU BOX OF TAINTED CUNT WATER
Miroku: I'm sorry, what is that?
Sango: don't get her fucking started...
Yashie: *walks out of Sango's bathroom* She called Sango period blood
Miroku: How disgusting
Sango: well at least since you've been spying on us you haven't had the opportunity to conceive another demon child
Kagome: Cunt waterrrrrr
Yashie: Babe, please. Sango practically murdered the Band of Seven, not that I mind. But I don't think angering her is a good idea.
Kagome: I don't care
Sango: shit, did I say demon child? I meant manifestation of the devil
Miroku: darling, please, no need to be so harsh
Kagome: *glares* Did I say cunt water? I meant tainted cunt water
Miroku: as much as I hate to say it...Kagome, you might want to take your children home
Kagome: *gently takes Aiko and her baby bag, kicking Miroku in the shin as she walks*
Miroku: Ouch
Kagome: Deal
Sango: you didn't have to do that, Miroku...I know you wanted to watch the kids
Miroku: Well I did but you and her were about to get into it, I could tell
Miroku: As much as I like a girl on girl chick fit, I'd rather not have you two at each other's throats
Miroku: Both for the sake of your permanent records and also your friendship
Sango: yeah...yeah, that's true...I didn't mean to be so mean though...
Miroku: What are we going to do about her though? *points at Kirara lounging on the couch with a bottle of wine*
Sango: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL IN MY HOUSE?!
Kirara: *grins to herself* I was enjoying my personal show
Sango: GET THE FUCK OUT!
Sango: WE NO LONGER REQUIRE YOUR HOUSESITTING SERVICES
Kirara: Fiiiiiineee
Kirara: *throws her front door open and struts out but her skirt gets caught on the door handle and rips off*
Miroku: *walks toward the skirt*
Sango: don't you dare go near that thing it's CONTAMINATED
Miroku: *lights a match*
Sango: okay...just don't burn my house down because then we'll be forced to live at the playboy penthouse
Miroku: Oh i would never burn down your—our—lovely abode