Chapter 39: Love isn't always enough
'Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.'
Joel stood outside on his porch awaiting their arrival. The sun had just set. Ellie was over at Lizzie's house. Becca was upstairs in bed. He brought her up some soup. Him and Ellie ate their dinner in the room with her.
He couldn't take the credit. Ellie suggested it to him. She thought it would be a nice gesture. He had to agree it was one of her better ideas. He didn't want her to eat alone either.
He saw their horses coming down the path. Tommy, Sharon, Maria and Richard. Other than Becca and Ellie, they were the only people in town he trusted.
Him, Becca and Ellie agreed their engagement would stay between them. As much as he wanted to tell his brother and their friends; he couldn't take that chance right now. He didn't want the risk of his enemies knowing he was vulnerable. They almost succeeded in taking her away from him.
They would be told in due time. They weren't ashamed of each other. Everyone knew what they meant to one another. They didn't have anything to prove to anybody.
They posted their horses up in front of the house.
Tommy and Maria walked up to the porch first. The brothers embraced. Tommy giving him a firm clap on the back. He held onto his younger brother tightly. He had been his rock, his touchstone through all this. He wouldn't know what he would've done without him.
Maria stepped up to give him a hug, which surprised him. She's been more lenient with him. Ever since that night, something shifted between them. She didn't give him a hard time anymore. She treated him with kindness.
Maria pulled back and looked over his face,'You alright?'
'Been better.' He shrugged as Sharon and Richard walked onto the porch.
Sharon and Richard hugged him. The older man placed his hands on his shoulders,'You finish that book I gave you?'
He smiled at Richard. He was grateful for the distraction,'I did actually. While I was at the hospital.'
He remembered reading the book aloud to Becca while she was in a coma. It was a book about engineering. He wed beginning to understand the jargon and lingo. He knew she would be proud of him. She always encouraged his interests. She saw his potential. She was the first person he's met who called him intelligent. She loved his mind.
He wanted to enrich his life. He wanted to do better. Be better. He wouldn't be any good to Becca or Ellie if he didn't get his shit together.
Richard grinned as he squeezed his shoulders,'Good deal. I have the second volume for you in the car.'
Sharon sighed and shook her head,'Nerds.' She smirked as she took Maria's arm,'Let's go pay a visit to Becca. I'm sure she would love some…womanly stimulation.'
Joel narrowed his eyes. If Becca wasn't hurt, he probably would've had a dirty comment to reply with. The only person who should be stimulating her is him.
God, he felt like an asshole, but he couldn't wait until she recovered. He was eager to marry her. He felt like they wasted enough time already.
Joel, Tommy and Richard walked into the kitchen. He poured them all a cup of coffee as they sat down. They had things to discuss.
Joel sat down with them as he crossed his arms over his chest,'Any word on who it could be?'
Richard took a sip of his coffee and sighed,'I know it's not any Fireflies. Sharon spoke to a few of her contacts. They said after the…hospital. The Fireflies disbanded.'
Joel couldn't help the smirk that formed on his face. He took great pleasure in knowing he ripped them apart. His only regret is that he didn't get to take his time. He wished he could it all over again. He would chop the dicks off every one of them and shove them down their throats.
'Peacekeepers?' Joel frowned,'Maybe one of Tess's friends wanted revenge.'
Tommy nodded and sighed,'That could very well be the case, but I've been talking around. There isn't any camps around here. We've looked.' He looked over at his brother warily,'Could it be one of her…ex husband's followers?'
Joel felt the rage inside of him boiling to the surface at the mention of him. Every day he struggled with the fact he couldn't kill him. Ellie had the pleasure of watching the light leave his eyes. A teenage girl. All the while he was laying on the floor of an abandoned house bleeding out. He felt useless.
Joel gritted his teeth and punched the table,'It ain't them. I asked her about that. She said they hated him too. They would've been happy to see him gone.'
'Maybe that's what she wants you to think.' Richard reasoned with them,'We have to explore every option.'
Joel stayed silent for a moment. He wouldn't allow them to do this. Take her away from him. He trusted her. She didn't lie. It's one of the things he loved most about her.
He shook his head, averting his eyes between his friend and his brother,'I don't want anyone blaming her for this shit. Even if it was them, she stays here. With me. And if anyone has a problem with that. They can come talk to me themselves. She leaves. Me and Ellie go too. Bottom line. We don't leave each other.'
Tommy's eyes widened as he looked up at his older brother. Joel was usually the reserved one. He wasn't the touchy feely type, but he was different with Becca. He loved her without shame. He stood up for her. He was playing fucking nurse to her for Christ sakes. Where did this man come from? What happened to the reckless Joel that rode into town?
If this was a year ago, he would've already been on his horse. He would've charged through every town to find the person responsible, killing everything in his way.
He wasn't like this now. He was calm and methodical. He sat down with his family and discussed things. He wasn't planning on doing it alone. He wouldn't leave Becca or Ellie behind. He had too much to live for now.
Tommy sighed as he sipped his coffee,'There hasn't been an incidence since. Maybe they did their job.'
Joel nodded as he leaned back against the chair,'Could it have been an inside job? Somebody had to be watching her.'
Tommy and Richard shared a knowing look,'We're looking into that angle as well. We have the sheriff and deputies interviewing people. We've been keeping watch twenty four hours a day.' Tommy shook his head,'We're not letting you do this alone. You shouldn't have to. No one wants you or anyone else to leave. I told you we take care of our own.'
Joel nodded silently as he looked over at his brother. He was grateful for him, but vengeance couldn't come quickly enough.
There was a knock on Becca's door. She looked up and smiled brightly when she saw Sharon and Maria.
Maria bounced excitedly as she walked over to the bed,'My girl.' She sat down next to her in bed, hugging her cautiously,'It's good to see you. How are you feeling?'
'Sore as fuck and bored as shit, but I'm alright.' She gave her a small smile,'I'm alive.'
Sharon walked over to her bed and kissed her forehead,'I want to check you out too and take a look at that incision.'
Maria pulled the blankets down and lifted up her shirt so Sharon could assess her.
Maria forced herself not to look away. She didn't want Becca thinking she were disgusted, which wasn't the case. It shouldn't have happened. She remembered how beautiful she looked in her dress that day. She was so happy and excited.
It made her angry. Becca should have all the things she wanted. A happy and healthy marriage and kids. She didn't even have to get married for children. She just wanted her sister happy. Hasn't she been through enough?
Becca was Maria staring at the incision and frowned,'It's pretty gnarly, huh?'
'It's not that bad.' Maria shook her head,'It only looks this way for right now.'
'She's right.' Sharon spoke up she cleaned the incision. It's only been two weeks. It'll start to look better once it heals.' She bandaged the wound up with fresh dressings,'It's looking better and better every day though. You'll be back to nursing and gardening before you know it.'
Becca looked up at him and gave her a small smile. She hoped she were right.
Once Sharon was finished, she sat down on the other side of Becca,'How's Joel been with all this?'
Becca sighed. That was a loaded question. She wanted so badly to tell them she accepted Joel's marriage proposal, but they all agreed to keep it under wraps for the time being. Someone could be watching them. They've learned to lose, but right now they couldn't afford to.
They were fighting for their future. This was only a minor adjustment for the time being.
She took a deep breath. She needed the courage to lie to her friends,'He's been great. Wonderful in fact.' She shook her head.'He's helped me a lot. He cleans my wound and changed my bandages. He sits with me. He keeps me from going crazy.'
Sharon frowned as she placed her hand on her leg,'You should've seen him that night. I've never seen him like that before. He was in a fit of rage.'
'He doesn't like hospitals.' She frowned,'He doesn't trust them after everything that happened with Ellie.'
Maria and Sharon smiled at her solemnly. She revealed everything that happened to her in the Firefly hospital. Everything she, Joel and Ellie endured.
What else could life throw at them?
Becca looked up at Sharon,'Who else is here?'
'Just Richard and Tommy. They're downstairs flaming with Joel.' Sharon snorted,'Richard just started a new project. He's probably talking their ear off about it.'
Becca pursed her lips. She wasn't so sure that's what they were talking about. She knew Joel wanted to find the person responsible for shooting her. He didn't talk to her about it, but she could see it was simmering inside of him. The rage. She felt it too. She just hoped he didn't start shit without her.
Becca sighed and shook her head,'Is anyone closer to figuring out what's going on?'
'I've tried.' Sharon frowned,'I've had rail's communication with people all over the country. No one has seen or heard a thing.'
Maria snorted and rolled her eyes,'I would take that with a grain of salt. People are too afraid to talk.'
Becca agreed with Maria. She was logical. She never took things at face value. They were a lot alike in that regard.
Becca played with a frayed edge of the blanket.'Could it be someone acting alone? Maybe someone in town?'
Maria nodded as she smiled at her friend,'We've talked about that too. Tommy is working with the sheriff to see if anyone stands out.'
Becca nodded silently. She was thankful they had help. They wouldn't be able to do this alone. She learned there's strength in numbers.
Sharon wrapped her arm around her shoulders as she smiled down at her,'Joel been treating you well?'
'Yes.' She answered without hesitation,'He's been great through all this.'
Maria nodded and smiled,'I know. We would've accept anything less if he didn't.'
Becca smiled as tears filled her eyes. It was a bittersweet moment. She should be sharing the exciting news of her engagement with her friends. She shouldn't have to hide it because they're afraid people are after them.
When will it ever stop?
Maria and Sharon stayed upstairs with Becca for almost an hour. They finally went back downstairs, seeing the men convening in the living room.
Joel looked up when he saw the two women walk in the room. He quickly stood up, keeping his gaze solely focused on Sharon,'How is she? Is she coming along okay?'
Sharon smiled at the concern elucidated on his face. It was nice to see. He wasn't shy or deserved in his feelings for her anymore. He's finally gotten to a point where he could love someone without feeling guilty for it. She was happy Joel and Becca had each other. Everyone needs somebody. Especially when you're dealing with the end of the world.
'She's coming along nicely.' Sharon nodded,'Her numbers are great. She's exactly in the stage of recovery she's supposed to be at. The incision looks wonderful.' She smirked,'You paid attention.'
His cheeks felt hot as he shrugged nonchalantly,'Course I did. I'm not a complete moron.'
Sharon laughed softly and shook her head,'Oh, I'm well aware of that.' She looked down at her watch and sighed,'We should get back. Ellie and Lizzie are watching the kids.'
Tommy nodded and sighed.'We have to get back to the sitter too.'
Joel walked the group out. Maria and Tommy got on their horses and headed down the trail. Richard went down to their horses.
Sharon stayed behind for a moment. She wanted to talk to Joel alone. She turned to him, her back towards her husband.'Are you and Becca hiding something from us?'
Joel steeled his features, but he didn't know if it would make a difference. Sharon could read people easily. It's why she was such a good doctor.
'When she's better. We're gonna get married.'
He didn't see any reason to lie to her. He knew Becca wouldn't be mad. She trusted Sharon. He trusted Sharon. She's saved both of their lives. She was a like a mother to Becca.
Sharon's she's widened as she looked over his face,'Oh honey, that's great news.' Tears started to fill her eyes as she hugged him,'I'm so happy for you two. I knew it. I knew you two were gonna figure it out sooner or later.'
He snorted as he patted her back,'It took me a lot later.'
Sharon let go of him and shrugged,'You got there. It's all that matters.'
'We don't anyone else to know.' He sighed,'We sone hiding it from anybody. We just need to lay low for the time being.'
Sharon's eyes widened and she nodded,'Of course. Your secret's safe with me.'
Joel knew it would be too. The woman was a fortress when it came to secrets. Yet another reason why she was a great doctor
Joel looked down at Richard, who was sitting in the wagon looking cold and impatient, 'I think your old man is freezing his balls off.'
She looked back at him and laughed, seeing the pitiful look on his face,'I should get going.' She kissed his cheek again, whispering,'No one would blame you for taking revenge into your own hands. But for Becca and Ellie's sake. Don't do that. They need you here.'
He nodded as he swallowed the lump in his throat,'I know. I won't do that. It ain't just me I gotta think about anymore. I got a wife and a kid at home.'
Sharon nodded and smiled softly,'I'll see you tomorrow.' She couldn't resist grinning at him.'Go be with your wife.'
Joel smiled to himself as Sharon walked down to meet her husband he watched as the horse and buggy rode down the trail.
Wife
It felt like a foreign word to him. He was going to have a wife. He watched as their horse disappeared into the darkness. Sharon and Richard had a marriage to aspire to. They've been together for almost forty years and still loved each other. They lost so much and have been through a lot together. Much like them.
He went into the house and up the stairs. He would keep his promise. He was going to be with his wife.
He walked into the bedroom, smiling when he saw her sitting up reading a book. He was reminded of all the times she took care of him in this very room. They've put each other through so much this. They didn't deserve it. They deserved to be like this all the time. Peace. It's the one thing everyone strives for.
She looked up from her book, beaming when she saw him,'Hey you.'
He smirked as he went over to the bed. He bent down and gave her a quick kiss on the lips,'Hey yourself.'
He pulled back from her and kissed her forehead,'I'm gonna get a quick shower. You need anything before I go in?'
'No.' She shook her head and smirked,'Just you to hurry back.'
He laughed as he shook his head,'I'm gonna take the fastest shower of my life.'
He walked over to the bureau to find something comfortable to wear. All he wanted to do was get a shower, change into his pajamas and lay down with his woman.
He threw his change of clothes on top of his bureau before going into the bathroom. He didn't lie when he said he would shower fast. He was in and out in five minutes.
He walked back into their bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. He looked over at her, smiling when he saw her intently reading. He knew it was weird, but he enjoyed watching her sometimes. She was expressive with her emotions. The facial expressions she made. The way she chewed on her bottom lip in concentration. He could create a book cataloguing all of her idiosyncrasies. He was infatuated with them all. With her.
'How was your shower?' She asked him while keeping her eyes on her book.
'Hot.' He sighed as he unwrapped the towel from around his waist.
It dropped to the floor, leaving him completely naked. She peeked up at him from her book, her eyes widening slightly when she saw his naked backside. He walked around the room naked as if were the most natural thing in the world.
She followed his movements. She couldn't take her eyes off him. She was fascinated by the stretch of his muscles as he moved around. His body was sinewy.
While she loved him no matter what, she liked this version of him too. She didn't want him to lose this version of himself. He didn't deserve to lose this part of himself.
He slid his boxers on as he towel dried his hair. He looked back at her and smirked,'Enjoying the show?'
Her eyes widened and she looked like a fish out of water,'I…I couldn't help it.' She motioned at him,'I'm all laid up. I can't do anything and now you decide to walk naked in front of me?'
He laughed at the exasperated look on her face,'I figured since we're gonna get hitched, I didn't need to have propriety anymore.'
He didn't even bother putting a shirt in pants on. If his woman wanted to see him naked. He would give it to her for however long she wanted it.
Joel crawled into the bed next to her. He slid closer to her, laying on his side so he could look at her. She placed her book on the nightstand. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, scooting her closer to his body.
He kissed the top of her head, whispering.'I told Sharon we're gonna get married. She asked me if we were hiding something from her. Damn woman's like a mind reader sometimes.'
'Try working with her.' She smirked.
'You ain't mad I told her?' His eyes searched her face,'I shoulda let you be the one to tell her.'
'I don't care.' She looked over at him and grinned,'I don't care who knows. Bring it on. I'm gonna be proud to call you my husband.'
Husband
That was another word that did him in. The last time he was anyone's husband, he was only twenty years old. He didn't know shit back then. He still don't.
He laid his head on her shoulder and took her hand on his, tangling their fingers together. She closed her eyes and sighed softly. These are the moments she cherished the most. When it was just the two of them.
'I think I know how I wanna get married.' She looked up at him, smiling shyly,'I just want Ellie, Maria, Tommy, Richard and Sharon. I…I would like to be married by a preacher. Someone I trust.' She smiled knowingly,'Someone I know you trust too.'
Joel couldn't help the tears that filled his eyes,'Betsy.'
The woman wasn't only a seamstress. She was an ordained minister. Though, her preacher days are over. People still came to her to marry them. They respected her.
'Yeah.' She nodded and smiled softly,'I figured she could…bless our marriage. She could bring some of your culture into it. I don't want a big spectacle. I wanna be married here. On the farm.'
She meant the world to him. He couldn't explain it any other way. He leaned up and kissed her, whispering,'We're gonna make that happen.' He smiled against her lips,'I can't wait to make you my wife. To bring you up here. Not hurt. Not crying or sleeping in another bed. Here, with me in this bed as husband and wife. I'm gonna lay you down on this bed and we're not leaving until I say so.'
He laid his head on her chest and she ran her hands through his hair, smiling down at him,'Never gonna let me leave, huh?'
'Nope.' He pressed his nose against her collarbone, breathing her in. She didn't smell like blood anymore. She smelled like roses and vanilla. She smelled like herself again, 'You're stuck with me forever. I'm sorry about that.
'Don't be sorry.' She shook her head,'I'm not.
He closed his eyes and smiled softly. Sometimes she seemed too good to be true, like he was slowly losing his mind and she were a figment of his imagination. He didn't think his imagination could dream up anything this good.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
She was on a third week of bedrest and felt like she were losing her mind. It was only two in the afternoon on a Friday. Joel was working out on the ranch and Ellie was at school.
Maria came to visit her, but she left a half hour ago. Sharon would come check on her layer. It was the only excitement she got lately.
She sighed as she looked around the room. She felt disgusting. Sponge baths weren't doing it for her anymore. Her hair was greasy and smelled. She didn't know how Joel could cuddle up next to her and sleep night after night. He really must love her.
She really had to pee too. She should've asked the nurse before she left, but she didn't need to go then. She knew Joel wouldn't be able to help her. He was out on the ranch herding the sheep. He wouldn't be able to hear her calling out for him.
Becca chewed on her bottom lip pensively. Maybe she could get to the bathroom on her own. She was a nurse. She knew the limits her body could take.
She gritted her teeth and pulled herself up. She winced as she felt the stitches in her abdomen pull. She placed her hand on her lower abdomen as she swung her legs over the bed.
Tears filled her eyes as she set her feet on the floor. She was in so much pain. The nurse has been working on physical therapy with her to keep mobility, but it's like she almost forgot to walk.
She managed to pull herself to stand up. She gasped as her calf muscles twitched from not using them lately. She took small deliberate steps. The last thing she wanted to do is fall and hurt herself. Again.
She walked slowly over to the door, thankful the nurse left it open. She held her abdomen, wincing in pain as the muscles clenched. She was having second thoughts and decided peeing herself might be the better option. It was too late to turn back now.
She leaned against the doorway as she caught her bearings. She looked at the bathroom at the end of the hallway. It wasn't that much of a distance. She could make it.
She stepped out onto the hallway and gasped as she almost stumbled forward. She held onto the railing for balance as she took baby steps down the hallway.
The railing stopped at the top of the steps, leaving her wide open and vulnerable. She would have to rely on her body, but they weren't in a working relationship right now.
Becca took another deep breath. She let go of the railing and tried to walk over to the wall. Her sock got caught in the crack of the hardwood floor. Her eyes widened as she stumbled forward.
She managed to turn on her side so she wouldn't hit her chest. She fell onto the floor, wincing as her back hit the wall. She closed her eyes as she felt the warm wetness in her panties. She immediately knew what happened.
She closed her eyes shamefully. She pissed herself. She was an almost thirty eight year old woman and she couldn't even make it to the bathroom. Pathetic.
She covered her face with her hands and sobbed into them. She was frustrated. She was sad and self loathing. They should've been married by now or close to it. They should be making plans for their new home. He shouldn't have to take care of her like this.
Joel walked into the house, heaving a heavy sigh. He was exhausted. He sometimes thought it would be easier to move the farm to the sheep. He thought herding and wrangling animals would be easy. The job humbled him. He still had a lot to learn.
He was taking a rest for now though. He wanted to see Becca. He always checked on whenever he was working out on the ranch. He was glad she had a nurse with her. He felt less guilty about working if she had someone with her.
He was walking to the kitchen to grab some water for the both of them when he heard her sobs. He slid his pistol out of its holster and cocked it, keeping it at the ready in case he needed to use it. He made a beeline up the steps, his heart racing with fear.
Please let her be okay. It was his mantra as he ran up the stairs, skipping every other step. He couldn't get up there fast enough.
He got to the top of the steps and his eyes widened when he saw her on the floor. Her back was leaning up against the wall. Her face was buried in her hands as she sobbed. Her long hair obstructing his view.
He carefully laid the pistol down on the floor, knowing he wouldn't need it.
He got down on his knees and crawled over to her. He could detect the distinct smell of urine. He saw the wet spot on the floor underneath her and frowned.
He slowly and tentatively placed his hand on her knee,'Hey, baby. It's me.' She didn't respond and he gripped her calves. He gently shook her, whispering,'It's me, honey. Joel.'
'Go away.' Her voice was mumbled by her hands, but he heard her loud and clear,'Please go back to work.'
He snorted as he shook his head,'If you think I'm letting the woman I'm marrying fend for herself ya got another thing coming.' He narrowed his eyes,'Where's Callie? She's supposed to be with you until I'm done work.'
'She had to leave early.' She kept her face hidden from him,'Something personal.
He felt the rage burning up inside of him. Callie was under strict orders to take care of her. Becca never shirked her responsibilities. Even when he didn't want to be bothered. He would make sure this never happens again though.
He was going to make a little trip to talk to her. Not right now though. His woman needed him.
He looked her over and frowned,'You had to go to the bathroom and no one was here to help you?'
He could see her nodding her head. He sighed as he gently grasped her wrists, slowly pulling her hands away from her face. Her face was red and wet with tears. Her bangs were sticking to her forehead.
She kept her eyes downward. She was too embarrassed to face him. She didn't want him to see her like this.
'I'm sorry.' She shook her head,'I really needed to go. I thought I could do it on my own.'
He shook his head angrily. If Callie had been here, this wouldn't have happened. He didn't condone hitting women, but he wanted to knock her lights out. This was her job and she couldn't even perform the simplest task.
Joel sighed as he patted her knees,'Come on. Let's get you cleaned up? Did you jury yourself?'
'No.' She shook her head,'Not that I know of. My ego is a little bruised though.'
He cackled as he carefully picked her up, cradling her to his chest.
She was glad he didn't mention the incident. She was ashamed enough as it is, but he didn't make her feel bad about it. He never even brought up up. He just took care of her.
He walked the short distance of the bathroom and kicked the door closed behind them. He set her down on the toilet as he turned the water on to fill the tub.
She folded her hands in her lap. The tables were turned and now he was the one taking care of her. She was a nurse. She understood the risks, but she was stubborn. She thought she could it on her own.
While the bath was being filled up, he turned around on his knees in front of her. He rubbed her legs as he looked up at her,'Do you need help getting undressed?'
She nodded and blinked away tears. She still couldn't face him. It wasn't just about peeing herself (although it was mortifying). She didn't want him to be he's caretaker while he was still recovering himself.
He helped pull the t shirt up and over her head, leaving her topless. He gently lifted the bandage off the incision, making sure it was okay. It looked clean. Nothing had been torn off during the fall. There wasn't any blood on the gauze either, which is a good sign.
He slid his hands up her thighs as he hooked his fingers in the waistband of bed panties. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. He's done this to her before, but the context had been different. She was usually wet and aroused for him. Her panties were soaked in urine.
He gentle eased her to sit down in the tub. He took his shirt off. He hoped she would see his scars and not feel bad about her own.
Joel remembered Sharon telling him she could get a bath. Just as long as her incision was covered up.
She stared down into the water and sighed, shaking her head,'You shouldn't have to bathe me like I'm a kid who had an accident.'
Hw picked up the rag and lathered it with the homemade soap he knew she liked. It smelled like roses. He wondered who made it for her. He would make sure she always had it.
'You did have an accident.' He slowly ran the wash cloth down her back, making her sigh contentedly, 'You're not a kid though. Not by a fucking long shot. Ain't no way you're a child.' His eyes roved over her,'Every inch of you is a woman. Nothing will change how I look at you.' He sighed,'When you're better, I'm gonna make ya my wife and show you just how much of a woman I think you are.'
'In that order?' She gave him a small smile,'You saving yourself for marriage?'
'No.' He laughed,'I'm just waiting until you tell me it's alright. I know we have some time before that happens, but when you're ready, I'll be here to jump your bones.' He grinned,'Then you can jump on mine.'
She closed her eyes and groaned at his corny joke,'Ugh, did Ellie teach ya that one?'
'Nope.' He kissed the back of her head,'That one's all mine.'
She laughed slightly as he continued washing her. He washed her hair too, knowing she like it to be clean. He helped her out of the tub and sat her on the toilet seat to dry her off.
She looked down at him, shaking her head in disbelief. He was so good to her. He was caring, loving and affectionate. To everyone else he was moody and quiet. Maybe it's because they ran from him rather than getting a chance to know him. She always said it was their loss.
'I love you.' She whispered to him. She aid the first thing that's come to mind whenever she looked at him,'I really love you, Joel.'
He looked up at her, meeting her gaze. The smile he gave her was devastating. It softened his eyes. The look he gave her could only be described as adoration.
He caressed her legs, rubbing his rough and calloused hands up and down her legs. He leaned up and kissed her lips softly, whispering against her mouth,'I'll never get tired of hearing that.' He nuzzled his nose against hers,'It still fucks me up. I don't know what I've done to be worthy of it, but I ain't gonna throw this away.' He cupped her cheek, 'I can't describe how much I love you. There ain't words for it. I don't care if you pissed yourself.' He snorted,'Lord knows I've done it a time or two. I even shit myself drunk. You ain't gotta worry about things like that. I told you a long time again nothing's changed and I mean that. It never will.
She patted his cheek as she smiled softly,'Thank you.'
He shook his head as he carefully picked her up, 'No, thank you, darlin.'
She frowned and shook her head,'Why are you thanking me?'
He opened the door and walked her out of the bathroom ,'I could think of a lotta reasons.' He shrugged,'Mostly agreeing to tie yourself forever to a mean son of a bitch like me. I'm an asshole.'
She rolled her eyes and sighed,'You're not mean.'
'I'm still an asshole though, right?' He smirked.
He laughed as she didn't comment. This is what it's supposed to be about. Not all the things and people who try to break them down or come between them. Happy. They were supposed to be happy. It's what they deserved.
He carried her into their bedroom and took the towel off her. He cleaned her wound and changed her dressings. He even brushed her hair.
He helped her into clean pajamas before tucking her back into bed.
He kissed her forehead as he sat down on the bed, 'You okay now?'
'Yeah.' She rubbed his arm,'Thank you.' She tugged on her braid,'Where did you learn how to braid so well?'
He ran a hand through his hair and shrugged,'Sarah would always wanted braids in her hair like her friends. Without a mother, I knew he had to be me. Tommy tried but it always came out lopsided.'
He smirked when she laughed softly. He loved hearing her laugh. He missed it so much. He missed her.
He sighed as he continued,'Whenever she went to bed at night. I would practice with one of her old Barbies. I got really good at it too.
'You did.' She nodded,'You're better than me.'
A small smile formed on his face as he played with her fingers,'I'll braid your hair anytime. Just don't tell anyone. I'll lose my street cred.'
'That's alright.' She grinned,'They wouldn't believe me anyway. Your secret's safe with me.'
Joel's eyes widened when he saw the shawl hanging on the closet door. His heart sank to his stomach. It was the shawl she wore on their date. The night she was shot. Thankfully, there didn't seem to be any blood on it.
She followed his line of sight and frowned,'It was the only thing salvaged. Sharon told me they cut my dress off. It's ruined.' She sighed and shook her head,'I really loved that dress.'
He swallowed the lump in his throat and tears filled his eyes thinking about that night. There had been so much blood. He thought she was gone. There was no way anyone would survive losing that much blood, but she did. She was sitting on their bed, alive and in the flesh.
'We'll get ya more.' He nodded,'I'll have a dress made every single fuckin day for ya for the rest of your life.'
'I believe that you would do that.' She shook her head,'I don't need dresses for the rest of my life. Just you every day. You think you can handle that?'
He grinned devilishly as he rested his forehead against hers,'Baby girl. Handle it? Consider it fuckin done.'
It wasn't going to be easy. It wasn't over. Everything was just at a standstill. Whomever tried to kill her was still lurking in the distance. Watching, waiting and planning their next attack. They could feel it.
(Up next. Joel confronts Callie for dipping out early on the job. It's Becca's birthday. Someone really does die in the next chapter )