Chapter 53: An Anomaly
Narrator: The next day! *falls down drunk*
Yashie: *scarfing down eggs and bacon* Kagome!
Aiko: *starts crying*
Yashie: Goddamnit
Kagome: *walks in the kitchen looking normal and not drunk for once* Yeah? Wait why is Aiko crying? *picks her up and slowly rocks back and forth*
Yashie: uh...'cuz babies do that I guess?
Kagome: *raises her eyebrow* Annnnnway, I woke up feeling really odd so if I don't act like I usually do, it's not my fault.
Yashie: What? Are you going to ACTUALLY murder someone?
Kagome: No! That's wrong!
Yashie: *gives her a wide eyed look* Who are you and what have you done to my mate?
Aiko: *also stares at Kagome in confusion/suspicion*
Yashie: *spots something in the trash* Babe, is that your insane stash of matches and super potent candy?
Kagome: I believe so. I woke up and found myself surrounded by all that. It was a huge mess so I just figured I'd clean it up.
Sango: *from outside the door* this better be worth it...
Miroku: it'll be fine, love! *produces a hard knock*
Yashie: *opens the door with an oddly disturbed look in his eyes* Uhh...hey guys.
Sango: *glares intensely for no apparent reason*
Sango: Miroku wanted to see the baby
Yashie: Kagome's a bit...off...right now
Sango: it can't be anything worse than I'm used to, Yash
Kagome: *appears from behind Yashie with a bright smile* Hi Sango!
Miroku: where's Aiko?!
Kagome: Right here! *produces a quiet Aiko still giving her mother an odd look*
Miroku: GIMME THE BABY I MUST HOLD
Kagome: You want to hold her?
Aiko: *fervently stretches her arms out towards Miroku, apparently desperate to get away from her mother and her weird new behavior*
Miroku: *happily snuggles Aiko* so cüte
Sango: *puts hand on Kagome's head* are you ill?!
Kagome: *gives her friend an odd look* I'm not sick at all. At least, I don't think.
Sango: you're not gonna object? Or make some obscene remark about Miroku holding your daughter?!
Yashie: Come inside guys. I'm trying to find out if someone poisoned my mate.
Yashie: *takes Kagome by the shoulders and directs her inside and to the couch*
Sango: what the hell, Inuyasha? Did she just wake up like This?!
Yashie: YES
Yashie: She literally woke up like this
Kagome: *humming a cute tune while reading a Bath and Bodyworks magazine*
Sango: she's acting like a fucking soccer mom
Miroku: *too engrossed in cute baby to be paying any attention*
Sango: is she trying to cover up a murder? If the cops show up here I'm not lying for her
Yashie: No, she's been here since last night and so she couldn't have committed any crimes...yet
Sango: clearly something's wrong...and baby fever over there isn't gonna be much help...*gestures to Miroku, who's pretending to throw Aiko in the air* did she eat anything weird?
Yashie: I don't think so
Sango: has...you-know-who been here? Sadistic little teenager with a chainsaw?
Yashie: ...
Yashie: *looks at Kagome*
Yashie:...Dear god
Sango: *squints at him* what is it?
Yashie: She was here, very briefly. She dropped off a basket and left
Yashie: Kagome picked up the basket and took it to the kitchen
Kagome: *flipping to the cooking channel*
Sango: ...what was in the basket?
Yashie: Cupcakes
Sango: and...she ate one?
Yashie: Seventeen
Sango: EXCUSE ME?!
Yashie: What?! She eats like me ya know
Sango: that explains why you didn't think it was weird...so what the fuck do we do?!
Yashie: Wait for it to run its-oh no
Sango: what? *looks at kagome*
Kagome: *knitting a quilt with the cooking channel on and a cup of tea on the coffee table*
Sango: we have to do something. Immediately.
Yashie: Should we call the chainsaw wielding maniac?
Miroku: *walks over holding Aiko* why don't we just call Kaede?
Sango: Kagome made us cut contact with her because she couldn't stand the idea of associating with anyone remotely related to Kikyo
Miroku: *glances at Kagome* she doesn't seem to mind
Yashie: Didn't she go on a trip to some third world country or something
Kagome: *speaks absently from over her shoulder* Kaede went to help an orphanage in Thailand, dear.
Sango: then...we'll have to figure this out ourselves, because I am NOT about to deal with Sesshomaru's psychopathic daughter today
Yashie: Didn't he promise to marry her?
Miroku: Gross man
Sango: dude, no, come on, your brother is not a pedophile...is he?
Yashie: When I called him a pedophile, he tried to kill me with his poison whip and then insisted it was a thing where he promised he'd marry her once she was old enough.
Sango: ya know what, we're just not gonna go there. Miroku, don't you have any spellbooks? I feel like you had a magic phase
Miroku: I had a spirituality phase, Kagome had the magic phase
Sango: Kagome, do you have any spellbooks?
Kagome: *hums and points to the office*
Sango: thank you...bitch *waits for a reaction*
Kagome: Well that's not very nice
Sango: asswipe. Dick hole. Cosmic piss.
Kagome: Such language
Miroku: I don't think your attempts at getting a reaction from her are working
Sango: huh...maybe we shouldn't change her back
Yashie: Sango! I'd like my wife back thanks!
Shippo: So why is mommy acting like this?
Yashie: Because of like...Rin.
Miroku: DON'T SAY HER NAME
Sango: FUCKING HELL, YASHA, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
Miroku: YOU WILL END UP SUMMONING HER AND I DON'T THINK WE WILL SURVIVE HER WRATH THIS TIME
Yashie: I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING SANGO WHAT THE FUCK
Kagome: Dear, I'm afraid you need to tone down your language. Our son is here, and so is our daughter. *points to Shippo and then Aiko still in Miroku's arms and giving her mother an odd look*
Miroku: *talking softly to Aiko* it's okay, little one, we're gonna get your mommy back to normal soon
Aiko: *babbling incoherently*
Sango: *rolls eyes* Yashie, get those fucking books
Kagome: Language
Sango: FUCK YOU, IMPOSTER
Yashie: Babe, we're trying to help you. Shut up.
Sango: Inu-fucking-yasha, I'm pretty certain I told you to get those books
Yashie: *flips Sango the finger and walks out*
Miroku: Babe?
Sango: what? He was taking too long
Yashie: *storms In with fourteen spell books in his arms and dumps them at Sango's feet* Here.
Sango: well shit, that's a lot of books
Miroku: it was quite an obsession
Yashie: I don't think it was an obsession. She said her father was into the occult and taught her everything she knows.
Yashie: I don't think it was an obsession. She said her father was into the occult and taught her everything she knows.
Miroku: Kagome, do you know where we might find a way to reverse a spell?
Kagome: What spell?
Yashie: *sighs* Kagome, let's say someone cast a spell to change someone's personality and how they think. Did your dad ever teach you a spell to reverse that?
Kagome: Oh yes, he did. It wouldn't take long to make.
Yashie: You wouldn't mind teaching us how, would you? We don't know anything about spells.
Kagome: Of course not.
Narrator: And so the rest of them feigned Magical stupidity while Kagome mystified then all
Miroku: look Aiko, your mommy can do magic
Aiko: *sneezes a gust of wind*
Miroku: And so can you, apparently
Sango: a magical baby? Who knew...
Yashie: Probably from how many times Kagome used magic while pregnant...which was a lot of times
Kagome's house: *CRASHHHHH*
Miroku: What in the name of Buddha?! *clutches Aiko protectively*
Kagome and Yashie: *coughing into their sleeves*
Yashie: The hell was that?
Kagome: Oops. A little too much sage...
Yashie: That won't affect it, right?
Kagome: *too busy accidentally staring into the bubbling cauldron*
Yashie: Kagome? Kagome? HEY?! WOMAN!
Miroku: and this, Aiko, is why you have to be veeery careful *boops her little nose* when doing magic
Sango: *peers at Kagome, concerned* is she okay?
Kagome: *silent*
Kagome: GRANDPA ATE A WALLET, GRANDMA ATE A WALLET
Sango: goddamnit we should've known better than to let Kagome cure herself
Aiko: *starts crying tears of liquid gold*
Miroku: uhhhh, guys?
Kagome: HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Sango: this is worse than Miroku on that damn plane
Yashie: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY WIFE
Kagome: LIFE
Sango: FUCKING HELL THIS IS DEFINITELY WORSE
Yashie WHAT THE FUCK
Miroku: I'm gonnaaaaa go take Aiko for a walk...
Yashie: YOU FUCKING STAY HERE MONK
Sango: DAMNIT MIROKU DO NOT LEAVE US TO DEAL WITH THIS ALONE
Miroku: *huddling in a corner with Aiko in his arms as he silently bawls*
Sango: YASHIE WHAT THE FUCK DO WE DO
Yashie: FUCK
Kagome: *falls back onto the couch, unconscious*
Shippo: Mommy?
Sango: is it over?
Miroku: *crawls out of his sad hole* I...I don't know
Yashie: What the fuck happened to my wife goddamnit?!
Narrator: in this moment, the cauldron expands and becomes a giant portal that seems to be emitting dramatic music
Miroku: Oh HELL *makes the sign against evil and muttering prayers in garbled Japanese and even some in Italian*
Shippo: oooooooooh pretty... *walks toward it*
Aiko: *babbles excitedly and claps her tiny hands*
Miroku: SANGO DON'T GO TO THE PORTAL
Sango: *stares into his eyes* I don't follow orders *does a full-fledged cannonball into the portal*
Narrator: TO BE CONTINUED