Chapter 55: Bubble, Bubble Toil and Fuckin' Trouble
Note: So, I'm certain you know how we type by now, make a deduction on who wrote who. But we also alternated...And this is being transcribed by FireHanyou18, the most psychotic bitch on this side of the planet.
Note: Also, this is like chapter FIFTY FIVE THE FLUFFING FUCK! Holy DICK!
Recap:
Yashie: Fuck
Shippo: Fuck
Aiko: *gurgles out a baby version of fuck; it's basically a cute little squeak that sounds like fuck*
Yashie: Goddamnit
Aiko: *launches out of Inuyasha's arms and starts levitating around the room*
Yashie: Jesus fuck
Aiko: *lands clumsily on Kagome's chest and starts slapping both of her mother's cheeks repeatedly*
Kagome: *does nothing*
Aiko: *frowns*
Now:
Yashie: Aiko, stop that. We don't know how fucked up that spell was.
Aiko: *frowns more and levitates off her mother and back to her father, slamming into his chest instead*
Yashie: *grunts but catches her* Shippo, call...fuck, I dunno.
Yashie: Know what? Fuck it all. Call the psychopath.
Shippo: Aunt Rin?
Yashie: Yeah, her
Shippo: *grabs the home phone off the counter and stares at it for a whole minute before speaking* I don't know Rin's phone number
Yashie: Damnit Shippo *grabs the phone but realizes he doesn't know it either and puts it back in its place* Ya know what? I don't even think she uses a phone. She usually just shows up outta nowhere...
Yashie: If you say her name and the pedophillic poodle's name, she'll appear.
Shippo: True
Shippo:...RIN AND UNCLE FLUFFY
Yashie: RIN GET YOUR EVIL ASS HERE, DAMNIT! YOU CAUSES THIS MESS
Narrator: And so father and son shout back and forth for ten goddamn minutes for Rin and her sociopathic...betrothed-to-be? Father? Honestly, I dunno. Someone call the feds or something...
Rin: *appears in a burst of purple smoke* SHUT THE **** UP
Yashie: *opens mouth to yell but closes it* Oh, there you are. FIX MY WIFE, GODDAMNIT
Rin: Why is that my problem?
Shippo: Mommy ate magic muffins!
Yashie: *red in the face* BECAUSE YOU GAVE HER THOSE FUCKY CUPCAKES AND SHE ATE LIKE SEVENTEEN OF 'EM
Aiko: *crosses arms with fire in her eyes*
Rin: AND YOU ****ING PEOPLE STILL WON'T TELL ME WHAT **** MEANS
Shippo: It's okay, Rin, I don't know either...That bad man I met in Paris really seemed to enjoy it, though
Inuyasha: DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT, DAMNIT! FIX MY WIFE
Rin: HOW IS THAT MY ****ING PROBLEM
Yashie: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO FUCKING GAVE HER THE POTION! WHY THE EVERLASTING FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?!
Aiko: *levitates to Rin and smacks her in the face, gurgling out what sounds like a baby version of fuck you*
Shippo: What she said
Rin: *rubs her cheek in annoyance* Watch it, Tubby
Aiko: *glares harder*
Yashie: RIN. WHY THE FUCK. DID YOU DRUG MY WIFE WITH MAGIC THAT MAKES HER INTO AN EERILY DOCILE FIFTIES HOUSEWIFE
Rin: **** YOU, PUPPY BOY
Rin: FLUFFY-KINS SAID YOU HAD TO BE PINNED TO A TREE TO GET ANY ACTION
Rin: Whatever that means anyway
Yashie: I WAS LITERALLY PINNED TO A TREE GODDAMNIT
Rin: I know. He mumbled something about taxidermy into his soup that day
Yashie: I'M GONNA TAXIDERMY YOU IF YOU DON'T FIX KAGOME
Shippo: What's taxidermy?
Rin: *growls and starts dousing Kagome with variously different colored potions*
Shippo: I don't think that'll end well...
Yashie: *stands with his hand to his mouth like a concerned mother* What the fuck are you doing?!
Rin: *glares* Playing magician
Yashie: JESUS FUCKING HELL
Kagome: *starts singing in French*
Shippo: The language of love?
Yashie: I'm feeling anything but love right now
Yashie: R I N
Rin: *cackling madly*
Aiko: *belts out a Sumerian curse at Rin in an unsettlingly deep voice*
Yashie: Great
Yashie: My wife is unconscious and singing in French, my brother's...whatever you are, won't turn her back, my son won't stop swearing, and now my daughter is possessed by what I can only assume at this point is Satan...
Yashie: I need a drink
Aiko: *grins happily and starts clapping*
Shippo: I need a milkshake
Aiko: *grins even wider and claps faster*
Kagome: *grunts really hard and a milkshake appears next to Shippo*
Yashie: *blinks, stunned at first* Oh, what, nothing for me?!
Kagome: *gruns even harder, farts a little, and a tall bottle of Jack Daniels appears in Yashie's hand*
Yashie: Oh thank god
Aiko: *opens mouth really wide*
Aiko: *burps lightning*
Yashie: *chugging liquor in the corner, sweating profusely, pretending everything is fine*
Aiko: *claps*
Shippo: *slurps his milkshake*
Shippo: Aunt Rin? If you make mommy normal again, can she keep the new thing? The fart gifts?
Rin: *smirks* I'll see what I can do, little one. Buuut it might take some more experimenting... *starts pulling all sorts of mysterious potions and sparkling powders and random items seemingly out of nowhere*
Rin: *cackles once more like an evil genius while thunder crackles in the background*
Yashie: *puts down his empty bottle and wipes his mouth* Rin? Wha...whatcha got there, huh?
Rin: Well, Jack *pointed look at the bottle*, I am experimenting to make sure that when Kagome goes back to normal, she keeps her fart gift ability
Yashie: But...ya see...I'm not worried about what you're trying to do...I'm worried about how you're doin' it
Rin: Oh do the thing Kagome does to you *throws blue dildo at him*
Yashie: *turns purple* Dear god...
Shippo: You're giving him a PTSD flashback! Rin! That's mean!
Rin: What's PTSD?
Shippo: I dunno
Rin: Well, I'm not gonna try and find out. *dumps several more bottles of potions on Kagome*
Kagome: *a whirlwind, not unlike Kouga's, goes around her and when it dissipates, she is wearing a coconut bra, grass skirt and a Hawaiian lei around her neck*
Kagome: *starts hula dancing*
Shippo: Aunt Rin! I don't like what Mommy is doing right now. Hula is stupid.
Rin: Fiiiiiiine. *finishes mixing the cauldron of magic and bullshit together before dumping it on the hula dancing woman*
Yashie: *mumbling* If this doesn't work, someone's getting this bottle shoved up their ass
Shippo: Ew.
Rin: Now that's just a waste of alcohol
Kagome: *coughing*
Shippo: Mommy?
Yashie: *eyes widen* Is she awake?
Kagome: *gets up and stumbles over to Inuyasha, grabbing the alcohol bottle from him and chugging it down like it's a sport*
Yashie:...Yup. She's awake.
Yashie: And...back to normal.
Rin: Well, normal for her
Rin: Anyway, I have stuff to do. **** YOU
Rin: *disappears in another purple cloud of smoke*
Yashie: *looks at Kagome with a raised eyebrow as she finishes off the bottle*
Kagome: *slowly lowers the bottle and burps before opening her eyes and looking around as if she has no idea where she is or what happened*
Shippo: Are you okay, Mommy?
Kagome: Huh?
Kagome: What do you mean?
Yashie: *puts hand over Shippo's mouth* Let's just forget about it...
Shippo: *muffled speaking through Yashie's hand*
Kagome: Hand off my son.
Yashie: He's my soon too, ya know!
Kagome: Don't. Care.
Yashie: *releases Shippo but gives him a glare*
Shippo: Mommy, Aunt Sango and Uncle Miroku jumped through a portal you made! We haven't seen them since then. Oh and Aiko levitated, burped lightning and threw up confetti. *points to the mess the infant made*
Aiko: *grins and claps*
Kagome: *grins and picks her daughter up, absently setting a house plant on fire*
Yashie: You're not...upset?
Kagome: *blinks* I used to do this all the time as a kid...
Yashie: You used to what?!
Kagome: What?
Yashie: You used to levitate and produce magical items?
Kagome: Well that too. But I created portals all the time.
Yashie: WHAT THE HELL?! WHY DIDN'T I KNOW THIS
Kagome: BECAUSE IT WASN'T FUCKING IMPORTANT
Shippo: Can you get Auntie and Uncle back?
Kagome: Is the fucking sky blue?
Kagome: Sit back and watch, asshats
Yashie: *slams into the ground*
Kagome: Oops
Yashie: WHAT THE HELL'D YA HAVE TO DO THAT FOR?!
Shippo: You should be used to that by now
Kagome: I SAID 'OOPS', FUCKFACE
Yashie: THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT HURT LESS
Kagome: I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T PREDICT I WOULD SAY THE SUBJUGATION WORD
Kagome: BECAUSE I CLEARLY HAVE ZERO FUCKING POWERS OF PREMONITON
Yashie: THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT HURT ANY FUCKING LESS
Shippo: Mommy, can we please get Aunt and Uncle back?
Kagome: Yeah yeah *starts fucking around with magic*
Yashie: Ya know what? I'll just go in and get them
Kagome: Look out for axe murderers
Yashie: Noted...just make sure you can get me back?
Kagome: Will do. Just jump.
Yashie: *somersaults into portal*