Chapter 62: Bare Feet and Man Meat
Miroku: *bright-eyed and bushy-tailed* Everyone ready to go?
Kagome and Inuyasha: *glare at him*
Kagome: It's six AM
Inuyasha: I still dunno why the hell you thought this would be a good idea, Miroku
Sango: look, I'm not happy about it either, but at least he's trying to help us...
Miroku: thank you love. It's just a little group vacation so we can all learn how to work together without so much violence!
Kagome: Where even is this thing?
Miroku: up in the mountains, faaar away from the horrors of modern civilization
Rin: *asleep on Sesshomaru's back, muttering about the dogs from chapter 58*
Kagome: *deadpan* Greaaaat
Miroku: *still cheery-faced* and if you don't like it, we can always push you off the ledge
Kagome: I can jump on my own, asshat
Miroku: time to go!
Yashie: Miroku, if you make this trip miserable, you will not live
Miroku: the same to you, my dear brother
Kagome: *has headphones on and is reading a book on magical homicide*
Sango: *pushes everyone out the door*
Narrator: AT THE RETREAT!
Kagome: I am going to hurt someone
Rin: wow! This is so beautiful! There are so many cliffs I could push people off of!
Kagome: Don't tempt me
Sesshomaru: Touch her and you will die, Kagome
Kagome: Alright, sugar bear
Sesshomaru: *once again hides a shiver*
Sango: *trying to keep everyone together* let's check in, come on, no one needs to die just yet
Miroku: *excitedly hauling most of the luggage behind her*
Rin: *plotting angles and distances for potential murder*
Kagome: *plotting murder as well*
Sango: *mutters* off to such a great start...
Miroku: Sarcasm is not a positive trait
Sango: *ignores him and gets to the check-in desk* hi, I'm here with the Higurashi group
Desk attendant: *boredly types in the name* Three bedrooms?
Miroku: Yes!
Kagome: Miroku, who exactly is paying for this little excursion
Miroku: I am! Obviously! I have the money
Kagome: You better be.
Kagome: You already used my name for something I never agreed to.
Miroku: I had to! You're the only one with a last name!
Yashie: Why did we agree to this?
Kagome: Blackmail
Yashie: Ahhhh
Sango: okay, I got the keys, let's get settled in...apparently our first activity is in twenty minutes
Kagome: Fuck me
Inuyasha: later.
Miroku: hey Sango, we have twenty minutes, let's-
Sango: not happening. *gets way ahead of the group*
Kagome: Deprive him of sex
Kagome: But tease him
Kagome: Make his purple blue balls yellow
Sango: I'll do what I want, thanks...maybe save those fantasies for your own bedroom...sorry Yashie
Inuyasha: *gently cuddles his package*
Rin: *casually swinging an axe, already covered with blood*
Miroku: *catches up to Sango* you aren't going to listen to her, right?
Sango: when do I ever?
Kagome: Fight me, Magic Man
Narrator: the group hikes for ten minutes and finally reaches a few log cabins that serve as their rooms
Rin: *finds a lake to wash the blood off of her axe*
Sango: well this is kind of nice... *already getting mosquito-bitten this early in the morning*
Kagome: *is using a flamethrower to burn the mosquitoes*
Miroku: *hands on hips staring at the scenery like a satisfied dad* yeah, it is nice. *looks at watch* GUYS we only have five minutes to get to our first activity!
Sesshomaru: Rin, do not drink that water. Plebeians could have urinated in it.
Rin: *drops the water from her cupped hands* Gross
Kagome: *makes a face*
Kagome: *nudges a frog aside*
Rin: *murders the frog*
Sango: huh, Miroku, it's almost as if no one wants to do dumb team-building exercises at the crack of dawn
Kagome: Yeah, Miroku, I don't think you thought this out as much as you should have
Miroku: I merely wanted to do something nice for you all
Kagome: You just want us to stop making fun of you and shit
Miroku: *silenced*
Sango: *sighs* look, guys, it's only a couple days, we could at least be a little grateful...it is an all-expenses-paid vacation...
Kagome: Fiiiine
Sango: *mutters* all expenses paid by my husband...
Kagome: Better be
Yashie: *giving Miroku a dead-eyed look*
Miroku: *ignoring the monetary comments* awesome! Listen up everyone! It says here our first activity is a ropes course
Kagome: Can I tie someone up?
Rin: sounds enticing...
Miroku: *laughs nervously* not that kind of ropes course...
Kagome: What a waste then
Miroku: it's more like an adventure type thing...like a playground but more dangerous
Kagome: *glares as she reties her shoes*
Sango: they're going to trust us with each other's lives on the first day? Is that really a good idea?
Yashie: I don't think it is
Rin: Probably not
Sango: *starts walking* sounds good.
Miroku: everyone has good shoes on, right?
Yashie: *is barefoot*
Yashie: Best shoes around, asshat
Miroku: Well that's not nice
Yashie: Does it look like I care?
Kagome: Yashie stop fucking complaining.
Yashie: Like you can talk
Panda: ((The guys actually seem in character
Kagome: Kiss my ass
Yashie: When and where, bitch?
Kagome: SIT
Panda: ((...never mind
Narrator: after a rushed, strenuous, annoying walk back to the main area and then into the woods, they finally make it to their first activity...about twenty minutes behind schedule
Counselor: Ooookay, we're a bit behind schedule, but that just means there's more time for the rope course!
Yashie: Oh joy.
Kagome: *struggling to even get on the course*
Kagome: Hey, babe, mind HELPING?
Yashie: Jesus Christ... *helps his mate onto the course* Now don't fucking move
Kagome: We HAVE to, genius
Miroku: guys! Make sure your protective gear is fastened!
Kagome: *knee pad falls off*
Kagome: Fuck me
Miroku: Sango, please tell me at least you are being safe?
Kagome: Why wouldn't she?
Sango: *somehow already halfway through the course with absolutely no gear on* huh?
Kagome: Hey! *yanks her own concealment charm off, scaring the shit out of the course counselor and makes her way over to Sango with seemingly no problem*
Fire: ((A concealment charm to hide her demonic appearance which also dampens her abilities
Miroku: love! Be careful! You're going to fall!
Sango: I really don't think I am
Kagome: I think you should stop talking monk, I don't think you know what you're saying
Kagome: Sango can fight drunk, for fuck's sake
Kagome: I don't think an obstacle course is going to be that much of a problem for her
Miroku: I just don't want her to get hurt...
Kagome: Trust me, she won't
Rin: *jumps onto the course with astounding stability, cutting the ropes as she passes*
Sesshomaru: *literally flies through the course*
Miroku: *calls out semi-jokingly* Sesshomaru! I don't think that's how you're supposed to do it!
Sesshomaru: I do not care, mortal. *claws glow green poison and suffocates a deer*
Rin: *jumps down from the course to attack the deer with her chainsaw which is magically protected against acid*
Sango: I think you're the one who needs to worry about being safe, Miroku!
Miroku: *sighs* I think we should wrap this up soon...
Kagome: *jumps off the end of the course and flies into the nearby lake* WAHOO!
Yashie: *jumps in after her*
Rin: *takes one look and nopes the hell out*
Kagome: *breaks the waters surface with a happy gasp* BEST PART OF THIS HELL EXCURSION
Yashie: *surfaces soon after, throwing his hair behind him like some Adonis model*
Counselor: *drooling*
Kagome: *gives the woman dagger eyes*
Sango: *to Miroku* feel better now?
Miroku: at least they're gone...
Sango: *meets his eyes* we're alone now.
Miroku: I...
Miroku: THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A TEAM EXERCISE *runs off unexpectedly*
Sango: *mutters* the one time I was actually into it...
Kagome: *throwing her shirt off* What a pussy
Sango: *sighs* guess I'd better go after him... *walks off into the forest*
Yashie: He bit off more than he could chew
Kagome: More time for us
Yashie: *playfully growls*
Narrator: uhhh let's not show the weird sex scene that's about to ensue...
Narrator: A FEW HOURS LATER
Miroku: *emerges from his and Sango's room feeling more like himself* attention everyone! It's time for lunch!
Sango: *exits the room after Miroku, happy that he's feeling better* I'm starving
Kagome: *trying to cover up the dark marks on her neck*
Yashie: *staring at the vegetables in his plate*
Yashie: This is punishment, ain't it?
Kagome: 'Ain't' isn't a word, Yashie
Yashie: It is if I say it.
Kagome: That's not how that works
Miroku: *intensely reading a brochure* look at all of these activities!
Sango: love, you've barely touched your food
Miroku: hush! I'm trying to plan out our evening!
Sango: *trying to stuff bread into her husband's mouth* YOU NEED SUSTENANCE
Rin: *frowning at her plate* why is there no blood?
Kagome: *farts and a goblet of blood appears in Rin's hand*
Rin: *squeals* YAY!
Sesshomaru: *dramatically places forehead in hand with elbow rested on the table*
Kagome: *farts and provides him with a plate of demonic food*
Sesshomaru: *perks head up to stare at plate, startled* I haven't had this dish in centuries...Rin is even more powerful than I thought...
Miroku: *hair wild like he's been up all night researching a conspiracy theory, stands up* ZIPLINING!
Sango: what?
Miroku: that's our next activity! It's perfect!
Sango: so we really have to do the most dangerous ones on the first day...that's a great idea...
Kagome: *climbs up the tower at top speed, having yanked on her gear already* Hurry up, you sacks of shit! *wide grin on her face*
Yashie: I think this is the happiest I've seen her in a while, well, aside from the lake and all the murder
Sango: as long as happy doesn't result in someone getting killed...
Kagome: *wooping as she flies down the line* THIS! IS! SO! FUN!
Miroku: you were supposed to wait for the team!
Kagome: No! *climbs up again*
Yashie: She's acting like a kid
Rin: I don't see the point in this. I could just fly across the camp
Kagome: TRY ITTTTT
Rin: okay... *launches off* WOAH WHAT IT'S SO FREEING I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO DO ANY MAGIC! *decides to scream at the top of her lungs just for fun as she fades down the line*
Sesshomaru: *glares at nearby humans*
Sango: come on, Sesshomaru. You should try it! It's very relaxing
Sesshomaru: I can fly on my own
Sango: but this way you don't have to do any work, that's why it's relaxing. You could use a little loosening up
Sesshomaru: It is of no consequence
Sango: well too bad. *quickly straps him in and pushes him off*
Sesshomaru: *actually shows that he's kind of surprised and almost afraid* you foul creature! I'll have your head! *fades away in the distance*
Rin: WHOOOOOOOOOOO
Sango: hey, Miroku, it's your turn
Miroku: do I have to?
Sango: you were so excited!
Miroku: I thought it would be more of a team activity
Kagome: *climbs back up* HAHAHAHAHAHA
Sango: well, it isn't, but you should have some fun
Miroku: but the group-
Sango: everyone else is having a good time!
Sango: *straps Miroku in* enjoy the ride
Miroku: *grabs her at the last second and pulls her off with him, screaming*
Sango: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME KILLED
Miroku: *continuous screeching*
Kagome: *swings by with Yashie and Rin* AHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Sango: YOU WON'T BE LAUGHING AT MY FUNERAL
Kagome: THIS IS SO FUNNNNNNN
Rin: I hope we spot some dead animals in the forest!
Counselor: *white with shock*
Narrator: Just then, the cord to the zip line snaps, sending the group plummeting to the ground.
Narrator: Rin is immediately grabbed by Sesshomaru
Kagome: *yanks Yashie out of the air and flips onto a tree before bringing them both gently to the ground and jumping back up to grab Miroku and Sango*
Kagome: *chuckling as she brushes dirt off her shorts* You guys didn't think I'd actually let you die, did ya?
Sango: it's your fault that everything snapped in the first place
Rin: That was me, actually
Kagome: How rude, blaming me for something I didn't do.
Kagome: I'm hurt. *wipes tears from her eyes as she sniffles*
Miroku: It isn't entirely out of place that she would suspect you...
Kagome: *gasps, offended* I'll have you know that I've never done that in my life
Sango: *narrows eyes* who exactly are you trying to fool?
Kagome: *gives her a pouty look* No one.
Sango: right...well...I think we all need a break
Kagome: I'm going back to the cabin to shower up
Kagome: *leaves*
Yashie: *tries to follow*
Yashie: *gets thrown out of the cabin with a slap mark on his face*
Kagome, with her head out the cabin door: I told you I'm not in the mood anymore! *slams the door*
Sango: *grabs Miroku's hand before he can start towards to cabins* let's go for a walk
Miroku: where? In the woods?
Sango: *starts into the woods drags him behind* yes. In the woods. It'll be fun.
Miroku: but we should-
Sango: *puts a finger to his lips* don't worry about it.
Rin: *grabs her chainsaw and runs off in the opposite direction, leaving screams of terror in her wake*
Sesshomaru: *sighs and follows her, still thinking about the delicious demon meal he'd had earlier*