Act 3
Redemption
Chapter 50: He Said She Said
'But it's hard to know what's right when I feel like I'm borrowing all of my time.'
-Chvrches
They left when the day broke. Neither slept the whole night. They stayed awake, keeping their ears and eyes opened. They weren't sure if anyone else would come back.
Joel was getting everything ready to go when he heard her vomiting. He frowned to himself, knowing she was probably sick because of the baby. He remembered her getting sick at home. He had suspicions back then, but she told him it was probably stress or a stomach bug.
Regardless of what people may think about him, he isn't stupid. He pays attention to things. He should've been more diligent. He should've asked more questions. He never should've flew off the handle like that. He'll be sorry for that for the rest of his life.
He sighed walked over to the side of the hut where she was retching. He crouched down beside her and placed his hand on her back. She tensed up and flinched, which made him hate himself.
'You okay?' He sighed,'You alright to make the trip or do ya need another day?'
'I'm fine.' She shook her head,'It'll pass in an hour or so. I'll be fine.'
He nodded as he reached into his bag and took out a muffin, handing it to her,'Usually eating something helps.' He shrugged,'In my experience anyway.'
She took the muffin from him and closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths. This is the part she dreaded. The sickness. She was a nurse. She understood this would only happen for the first trimester. At least she hoped so anyway.
She's never been pregnant before. She didn't have any experience with this. Ironically, Joel had more experiences with pregnant women.
He bit back a sigh as he watched her slowly eat the muffin. She wasn't saying much to him. He didn't blame her. He wasn't particularly chatty himself. He knew there was a lot they still needed to say, but all that would come with time.
He wanted his wife back. She was pregnant with his child. She should've never left in the first place. This should be the happiest time of their lives. They could barely speak to each other.
He made sure she ate her muffin before they went on the road. He knew eating would help her and it seemed to do the job. She didn't seem nauseous anymore. Just tired. He could relate.
She walked up to Sadie and rubbed her nose. The horse nuzzled into her as she kissed her nose. The horse neighed loudly, almost sounding like a cry. They seemed happy to see each other.
Joel watched the exchange with bitterness in his heart. The damned horse got a better welcome than he did. He was at his lowest point finding himself jealous of a horse.
He helped her onto the horse and hopped on in front of her. He looked back at her and met her gaze,'You comfortable?'
She nodded silently and he sighed deeply. He hated the silent treatment she was giving him. He could handle it from Ellie or anybody else, but not her.
Joel gently tugged on the reins and they made their way. She looked down at the dead bodies of the men in the snow. Blood pooled around them, a stark contrast to the pristine white of the snow.
She shook her head and sighed. How many more people had to die because of her?
They rode for almost a half hour and neither one of them spoke. She had her arms lightly wrapped around his waist. A stark contrast from how she usually held him when they rode together. Her arms were usually wrapped tightly around him, her head resting on his back.
Now that he knew she was pregnant she felt like a weight had been lifted off her. He knew she was immune to the virus. It's something she kept close to the vest. She could let anyone know. Least of all someone in Jackson or the peacekeepers.
She took a deep breath as she looked out at the vast mountainous landscape,'How did you find us way out here?'
His eyes widened. He was surprised by her question. Hell he was shocked she was even talking to him. He would take what he could get.
'You were gone for a half hour before I decided to track ya.' He shook his head,'When ya left, I wasn't having a difficult time accepting it. I ain't telling ya that to make ya feel guilty.' He shrugged,'It's the truth. I told Tommy and Maria I planned to…bring ya home. I didn't care if ya wanted nothing to do with me or not. I just wanted ya home. Tommy said to take ya to the cabin. He said you would be safe there until we figure out who's behind this.'
'Seems like a lot of trouble to go through for just me.' She looked up at him and frowned,'The council isn't going to be happy about this.'
'I don't give a goddamn what they want.' He took a deep breath to calm his rage,'They don't matter, Becca.' He glanced back at her with a determined look on his face,'You matter. You and our baby are what fuckin matter. I don't give a shit what they say or what they try to do. You're my wife.' He shook his head,'I ain't done a good job of protecting ya like I should have. I don't plan to make that same mistake again.'
She wouldn't correct him that she wasn't his wife anymore. She would pick her battles when it came to him too. He was keen on forgetting the past though. She couldn't forget it. They were doomed to repeat it.
'I'm not damsel in distress you have to save, Joel.' She sighed,'You can't keep fighting my battles for me.'
He tugged on Sadie's reins as he stopped the horse. He turned around to face her. He stared at her for a good long minute and placed his hand on her cheek,'You don't think this is my battle too? This has been my fight way before we met. They ain't gonna stop until we make them. I'm taking you to Tommy's cabin where you'll be safe.'
She pursed her lips and turned her head to look away from him, whispering,'There's no such thing as safe. You…took that away from me.'
His heart broke at her words. He clicked his tongue and silently nodded his head. What could he say to that? She was right about everything.
When he accused her of being a Firefly the wheels were set in motion. It had been the catalyst for everything that happened after. She just couldn't forget all of that. She could forgive someday, but not today.
Tears filled his eyes as he scrubbed a hand over his face tiredly,'I deserve that. I deserve every fuckin punch ya wanna throw at me. You can stay angry at me for the rest of your goddamn life, but I ain't gonna stop protecting you or our baby, Becca.' He shook his head, whispering,'Ya gotta let me do this. Please let me do this.'
She sighed deeply as her shoulders slumped dejectedly,'Okay.' She nodded,'You can help me. It's not like I have better options or a choice in the matter.'
He sighed in relief, feeling an immense weight being lifted off him. He would take that. She would let him help her. Hopefully, he could convince her he was serious this time. He couldn't promise that he wouldn't make mistakes every now and again, but he would never push her away.
Here in this moment, he made a silent vow to himself to make sure she never doubted him again. He would win her back. He would prove to her he was worthy of her love. He could be a good husband. He would treat her right. No one would ever hurt her again.
Joel tugged on the reins as they continued riding. He felt her head resting against his back and smiled to himself as he felt the heat of her body radiating against him. He's missed this-the warmth of her body pressed against his. He wondered if he would ever get the privilege of touching her or kissing her again. Would she trust him in that way again? Only time would tell.
He glanced back at her seeing she was sound asleep. He smiled to himself. Good. She needed the rest.
Becca opened her bleary eyes and looked up at Joel. He looked back at her, giving her a small smile,'Good, you're awake. We're here.'
He stopped Sadie in front of the cabin. It was situated by the lake and hidden by tall trees. It was safely hidden and tucked away from prying eyes.
She shook her head in disbelief. She didn't even know this place existed.
Joel helped her off the horse and he unlocked the door. He opened it wide, letting her enter first. She cautiously walked inside and looked around. It had a wood stove, a large antique tub, a full bed and a breakfast nook. It was clean and organized. The bed neatly made with fresh sheets and a quilt. She wondered if that was Maria's doing.
She would be comfortable here for the time being. It was better than the hut they were going to leave her to rot in.
Joel stood in the kitchen area, watching her as she looked around the cabin,'Jackson is only a mile from here, but I'll be out here on patrols. I'll come and check on ya any chance I get.'
She nodded silently as she looked around the room. She wasn't happy about him breathing down her neck every second. He was going to hover over her. She knew it, but if they were going to get to the bottom of things she would just have to suck it up.
'Thank you.' She took a deep breath and slowly lifted her head up to look at him,'Thank you for this.'
His eyes widened at her words. As he looked at her he wanted so much to wrap his arms around her tightly. He wanted to feel her in his arms and beg her forgiveness. He's already tried that. She didn't want his forgiveness. She didn't have anything to be sorry for.
'You ain't gotta thank me for this, baby.' He sighed,'I know I have a lotta shit to make up for. I know that, but I'm gonna prove it to ya, Becca. For the rest of my life. You and our baby will be safe. I'll make sure of that.' He looked around the cabin, glancing over at her warily,'I'm gonna stick around for the next day or so to make sure no one tracked us here.'
She hugged herself as she leaned back against the counter,'I know that. I know we'll be safe here.' She shook her head, figuring he wasn't going to just leave her here,'I understand.'
There wasn't any doubt in her mind about that. She knew Joel would keep them safe. She had no other choice but to trust him. She didn't have any resources to take care of herself. She hated being helpless and having to rely on others. She felt worthless to her child.
He sighed and walked over to her. He looked over her face, frowning when he saw the dried blood under her nose and the cut on her upper lip. He felt consumed with rage and self hatred. This shouldn't have ever happened.
He cupped her cheek and frowned,'Let me clean your face up.'
She jerked her head out of his grasp,'I'll do it.'
He nodded as he bit the inside of his cheek to keep from crying. He placed a bag on the kitchen table,'I brought some of your clothes. I figured ya would want something warm. I'll get the fire going so you can warm up water for a bath.'
He looked at her for a moment before he shook his head and walked over to the fireplace to stoke the fire.
She walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge of it. She felt depressed. They were back to being at war with each other. It reminded her of how they were in the beginning towards each other.
It took them so long to trust each other. To get to a point in their lives where they implicitly trusted each other. They could talk to each other about anything. They used to be so close. They were best friends. Could they ever get back to that point? Could she ever learn to fully trust him again?
She still loved him wholeheartedly. She was so in love with him. That won't change anytime soon. She just can't make that stop. She needed time to forgive him.
He finished stoking the fire and turned around to look at her. He frowned when he saw her sitting at the edge of the bed. Her face was in her hands. Her shoulders were slumped dejectedly. She was shaking slightly and he knew she was crying.
He sighed as he pulled himself up and walked over to her. He fell down on his knees before her and placed his hands on her legs. He looked up at her, his eyes filling with tears. He failed his beautiful wife. She was carrying his baby.
The whole entire time she was kept in jail and endured his bullshit. She had been carrying his baby. He remembered them laying in bed together, naked and tangled up with each other as they discussed the future.
They would talk about having kids, how many they wanted to have and what they would look like. He never imagined having kids again. He thought that point in his life was well beyond him, but she made him want those things. He wanted everything with her.
They almost had it, but he fell prey to the deceit of others. They got to him. He was weaker than he thought.
'I'm sorry.' He whispered shakily,'I know that ain't what ya wanna hear right now, but I am. I'm so fuckin sorry you're going through this.' He rested his head on her lap as tears fell down his face,'I'm gonna make this right.'
She gritted her teeth as she swung her legs out. She kicked him backwards, causing him to stumble backwards. He fell back onto his elbows as he stared up at her wide eyed. He would've killed any other person for that, but he wouldn't dare lay a finger on her. He deserved her ire and anything else she wanted to throw at him.
She stared down at him as she seethed,'Fuck you, Joel. You think you can just say you're sorry and all this is gonna go away?' She shook her head as she got up from the bed,'You're delusional.'
He pulled himself up from the floor. So they were going to do this now. He stood up straight and squared his shoulders. He prepared himself for her onslaught of emotions.
She pushed him by the chest as tears blurred her vision,'Fuck you for what you did!' She pushed him again,'I was so happy. So fucking happy.' She punched his chest again and again as she sobbed,'You ruined it. We were so happy and you ruined it.'
She kept punching his chest as she screamed at him. He just stood there, taking every punch in stride. He winced slightly as she punched the scar on his chest. A reminder of the countless times she saved his life.
He would take her hits. He wouldn't dare stop her. He deserved every single one after what he's done to her. She needed this for herself.
She sobbed as she punched his chest,'I hate you for what you did to me! I hate you!'
She felt the adrenaline draining from her body. All the right left her as she slumped against him. Her body shook with sobs as she dropped her arms. He gently wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against him.
He held her tightly as she cried. He rested his chin on top of her head as the tears fell from his own eyes. He didn't know what to say to make this better. There wasn't anything he could say. Hopefully time would heal things between them.
From here on out he would have to work overtime to make it up to her. He would prove to her that he was serious and wanted to make things right between them. He remembered what Maria told him. He would have to be patient and give her time. A woman doesn't like to be rushed.
He held her until her crying subsided. He leaned back from her and rubbed her arms,'I'm gonna fill your bath and then heat up some food. You need to eat.'
She nodded silently. She was too tired to argue with him anymore. She didn't have any fight left in her.
He stepped away from her and picked up a pot. He started heating up some water as he poured it into the tub. He made sure to fill it as much as he could.
He looked over at her. She was sitting on the edge of the bed again with her hands folded in her lap. He didn't like her being withdrawn. It reminded him of when he first met her.
'I filled the tub up for ya.' He tapped the edge of it,'It's hot. Just the way ya like it.' He chewed on his bottom lip and shifted on his feet,'I can step outside to give ya some…privacy.'
She rolled her eyes and sighed,'Oh for fucks sake. Stop with the dramatics. We've slept together. You got me pregnant.' She looked up at him, her face scrunching in confusion,'I don't care if you see me fucking naked. That's the least of my worries.'
A small smile formed on his face. Maybe all wasn't lost between them. She was slowly becoming herself again. The shock was wearing off and her smart mouth was showing through. He didn't care if she mouthed off to him. She could call him every name in the book. Just as long as she was okay. She was safe. It was the most important thing in the world to him.
She started undressing and he walked over to the fireplace. He kept his back facing her to give her some privacy. He heard her sigh softly and he closed his eyes tightly.
It took everything within him not to join her in the bath. He wanted to slip in behind her and hold her tightly. He never wanted to let her go again. He wouldn't do that though. He didn't have that right anymore.
She laid her head back against the tub and closed her eyes. The hot water seeped into her sore and aching bones. She was exhausted. He said she was safe. She wasn't so sure about that.
Becca looked over at him, watching as he heated some stew up in a pot over the stove. She appreciated his efforts. She knew he was trying to make amends for what he did to her. She wouldn't take that away from him. She wondered if it was too little too late.
Could anything be salvaged between them? Could she ever forgive him for what he's done? Would their efforts be for naught?
She finished her bath and changed into the clothes he brought her. She was surprised to find he brought her clothes from home. She felt comfortable and warm in her own sweater and pants.
She took a seat at the table as he placed a bowl of stew in front of her,'Maria made it. It ain't poisoned.'
She looked up at him and smiled wryly, whispering,'I'm sure it's better than David's.'
He snorted at that as he sat across from her,'Good to see your humor's still intact.' He pushed the bowl closer to her,'Eat up. Baby's probably mad as hell you're not feeding it.'
She looked over at him and frowned,'And you're the expert? I'm a nurse.'
He laughed slightly as he nodded.'I guess you're right considering I don't have a very good track record of keeping kids alive.'
'Don't say that.' She shook her head and sighed,'You've kept Ellie alive.'
'She kept herself alive.' He stared into his bowl,'I ain't had nothing to do with that.'
As she stared at him, a part of her knew he was right. Ellie didn't need him to survive. Becca didn't need him either. He protected them anyway. He came back for her. That had to count for something.
She sighed and reached over the table, grabbing his hand,'We'll figure who the hell is behind this.'
He stared down at her small hand covering his own as he raised his eyes up to look at her,'You're sure about that, huh?'
'I have to be.' She shrugged,'We're close to something. It's why they're closing in on us. I can feel it.'
He smiled as she started eating. She shoveled the food in her mouth. She was obviously starving. He wondered when the last time she ate. Did those assholes even fucking feed her?
He slowly started to eat his food. He wasn't really hungry but needed the energy to fuel him,'I'm gonna head back into town tomorrow morning.' He nodded,'Gonna talk to Tommy and Maria. Figure out what our next step is.'
She nodded as she swallowed the bit of food in her mouth,'What about Sharon? You think she had anything to do with this?'
'I don't know.' He shook his head and sighed,'You can better believe I'm gonna ask her about that.'
She frowned as she placed her spoon in the bowl. She wasn't hungry anymore. She slid her bowl away from her, the smell making her sick,'What is she betrayed me?' She shook her head as she blinked away tears,'I don't think I'll ever get over that.'
'Me neither.' He whispered admittedly,'We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.' He heaved a laborious sigh,'For now, I think it's best that we lay low. We keep her close. We don't let her know anything. See if she slips up.'
She nodded silently. Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. She may be angry with him right now, but they needed each other. In more ways than one.
Joel cleared their dishes and washed them off, placing them in the drainer. He looked over at her as she settled into bed. He ran a hand through his hair. There was a time when he would be settling into bed right along with her. She would lay down in bed and he would slide in beside her, pulling her close as he ran his hands all over her.
He closed his eyes and shook his head, ridding those thoughts from his mind. It was thoughts like that which drove a man crazy. She wrecked his calm. It was torture to be so close to her knowing he couldn't have her. It was just like in the beginning except it was worse. He knew what she felt like and what she tasted like.
There wasn't any going back from that.
He sat down in the chair by the window, placing his rifle on his lap,'I'm gonna stay up and keep a look out while you sleep.'
She nodded silently as she rolled over onto her side with her back facing him. She closed her eyes, but knew she wouldn't be able to sleep. Her mind weighed heavily with what was to come. This was only the beginning. She could feel it in the air.
She managed to fall asleep anyway. She opened her eyes and groaned softly as she rolled over onto her side. She blinked the sleep out of her eyes and saw Joel putting his coat on.
She sat up in bed as she shook her head,'What's going on? Is someone here?'
He frowned at the fear in her tone and shook his head,'It's the morning. I gotta check on the farm and Ellie.' He sighed,'I gotta talk to Tommy and Maria. I want you seen by a doctor.'
'Sharon.' She didn't even ask, already knowing the answer.
'It's the best we got.' He shrugged,'We still don't know if she knows anything. I don't want her outta my sight until then.'
He walked over to the bed and sat down. He placed the rifle on her lap,'It's fully loaded. I left two boxes of ammunition on the table.'
She nodded. She hoped she wouldn't need it. At least he was leaving her with something to protect herself. He wouldn't leave her defenseless.
'I'll be back in a few hours with some more food and supplies. There's some stuff to eat here in the meantime if you're hungry. You should get some rest.' He looked over her face,'I'm gonna come back. I promise you that.'
'I know.' She swallowed harshly, whispering,'You won't tell them I'm here? The council?'
His eyes widened and he shook his head,'Fuck no.' His tone was fierce as he cupped her cheek in his hand, forcing her to look at him,'I ain't gonna tell those fucks nothing. They ain't gonna send you anywhere. It's my fault you got into this mess in the first place. I'm gonna fix this, Becca. I swear to you.'
He got up from the bed, but she didn't say a word. She didn't believe him. He didn't blame her for not having faith in him.
He gathered his things as he saddled up Sadie. He didn't want to leave her alone, but he didn't have a choice. He needed to get back into town. They needed help from the people they trusted. They couldn't do this alone.
He walked back into the cabin, seeing her still sitting up in bed. She had a frightened look on her face. He felt the self hatred seep even deeper.
'I'll be back in a few hours. Three hours. I promise no longer than that.' He met her gaze,'When I come back I'm gonna knock on the door two times. Two times, Becca. If anyone comes here that ain't me. I don't give a damn who it is. You shoot. Do you understand me?'
She pursed her lips and nodded, staring down at the rifle on her lap,'I understand.'
'I love you.' He said it to her clear and firmly so there was no mistaking it.
He sighed when she didn't answer him back. She kept her head bowed and her eyes averted downward, refusing to look at him. He nodded to himself. He was hurt she didn't say it back like she always did, but he needed her to know. She had to know.
He gave her one last lingering look before closing the door behind him. She got up from the bed and locked the door, making sure it was secure. She slid the chair against the door for good measure, not wanting to take any chances. She was allowed to be paranoid right now. She didn't have herself to think about anymore.
She looked out the window, watching as Joel rode off on Sadie. She hoped to God he would come back, but she knew he would. She was just worried about what he would bring back when he did.
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When Joel got to Jackson, the first place he went was to the ranch. He checked on the animals and went to the barn, gathering any other weapons he could. He shoved them into his bag to bring back to the cabin. He wanted to make sure it was heavily stocked with weapons.
He went back to the house and upstairs. He went into Ellie's room, finding her sleeping soundly in bed. It was Sunday and she was off from school. It was also only five thirty in the morning.
He gently roused her awake, waiting until she stirred. She mumbled something under her breath and opened her eyes.
Her eyes widened as she stared up at Joel. She quickly sat up in bed and looked around,'What's going on?'
'I brought mama back.' He nodded at the surprised look on her face,'I brought her back to us.'
A smile formed on her face as her face brightened,'Where is she?' She frowned,'Is she mad cause of what we did?'
He sighed as he took a moment to answer her loaded question,'It's complicated, but…she's staying somewhere safe until we can figure out what's going on.' He held her face in his hands,'I need you to listen to me. There's dangerous people that are looking for you and Becca.'
'I know that.' She rolled her eyes,'I've always known that.'
'It's different.' He shook his head and took a deep breath,'Becca is…like you. She's immune.'
He didn't feel guilty about telling her. He could trust Ellie with the truth. Becca did too.
Ellie's eyes widened as her eyes searched his face frantically,'Are they gonna try and take her too? Is that why they shot her? Joel…'
She started crying as Joel held her tightly. She wasn't angry Becca kept the truth from her. She felt guilty. She understood better than anyone what it's like to keep a secret like that. It eats away at you. She couldn't imagine how Becca felt living with that kind of secret.
Joel cradled the back of her head to his chest,'I'm gonna make sure she's safe. The both of ya. I ain't gonna let anyone take either one of ya.' He closed his eyes, whispering,'She's pregnant, El.' He let out an incredulous laugh despite his mood,'We're gonna have a baby.'
Ellie's eyes widened as she leaned back to look up at him. She saw the happiness and pride on his face. The joy. She refused to let anyone take this away from him.
She shook her head and smiled tearfully,'That's fucking awesome. Isn't that what you guys wanted?'
He nodded as he took a deep breath,'She ain't too happy with me right now. Only reason why she's entertaining me is cause she has to. I don't think she's gonna forgive me for this.'
He didn't feel ashamed about discussing his fears with Ellie. He knew she was the only one he could trust with something like this. She wouldn't judge him.
Ellie placed her hand on his face and shook her head,'She's forgiven ya before.'
'Not for this.' He clenched his eyes shut and gritted his teeth,'She can barely look at me. She's having my baby and wants nothing to do with me.' He shook his head as tears fell from his eyes,'I feel so guilty about what I did. I love her so much. We were so fucking happy and I ruined it.'
She frowned as she rubbed his back soothingly. He's been a mess these few days. He's been moody and grumpy. She's been keeping her distance from him, but she knew he was really struggling. He was tore up about what he did. She knew he was sorry, but Becca had every right to feel the way she did.
She wouldn't be the one to tell him that though. She had a lot to make up for herself.
Joel managed to get himself together and pulled himself up from the bed,'I'm gonna get some of her clothes and bring them to her. Some things to keep her comfortable.'
'Yeah.' Ellie nodded,'Bring her some books too so she doesn't get bored.' She looked up at him as she started gathering her clothes to get dressed,'Am I allowed to see her?'
'Not yet, kiddo.' He frowned at the dejected look on her face. He placed his hand on her shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly,'It ain't safe for both of ya to be together. Not while they're out there. I'm bringing ya to Tommy's where I know you'll be safe.'
She nodded silently, knowing it was useless to fight him. He didn't need it right now. He had a lot on his mind to deal with.
Joel stood in the doorway as he watched her pack a bag. He was grateful she didn't give him a hard time,'I'm gonna go and pack some bags.'
'You staying with her?' She glanced up at him as she threw clothes into her backpack,'She shouldn't be staying by herself if she's pregnant.'
He crossed his arms over his chest and sighed,'I ain't leaving her alone. Not again.' He held her gaze from across the room,'I'm gonna set things right. I swear to you that I will.'
'I hope so.' She sighed softly,'Cause we were really happy there for awhile. I want that back again. I'm excited for the baby.'
'Me too.' He nodded,'I promise we'll be a family again. Me and Becca…we're gonna figure things out. I'll do whatever it takes to make things right again. I swear to you. Now finish getting packed. We gotta get to Tommy's. I have some things to take care of.'
Joel went into their bedroom and grabbed a couple bags of her clothes. He packed most of her stuff up. It was too difficult to have all of her stuff around, but he was deeply regretting it now. He never should've packed her stuff up like that.
She belonged here just as much as he did. He was determined to bring her back home. It's where she belonged. He wanted this all to be resolved before she had the baby. Their baby deserved to be born into a stable home. Not like this. He was determined to make things right.
Joel brought her bags out of their bedroom and went to Ellie's room. She had her backpack over her shoulders and a duffel bag all ready to go.
He smiled and shook his head in disbelief. He really loved this girl. She was so willing to follow him anywhere. She trusted him wholeheartedly. He's let her down too. He had to stop letting down the important people in his life or he was going to lose them.
She rode with him on Sadie to Tommy's house.
Tommy walked out onto the porch when he saw them riding up. Maria walked out to stand beside him.
She had a worried look on her face as she stared at Joel and Ellie,'We always knew Jackson would rile up some trouble sooner or later.'
Tommy snorted as he wrapped his arm around Maria's shoulders.'You blaming my brother for the trouble?'
'No.' She shook her head,'I knew when I married you there was always a risk of your past coming back to haunt you. Becca is my sister. We're family.' She nodded,'This is my fight too.'
Tommy smiled softly as he pulled her closer to his side, kissing her temple. He loved this woman so much. He didn't know when she had the change of heart. Maybe it's when she was kidnapped with Becca. Something seemed to shift in their relationship. The two women bonded and became closer.
Maria also became closer with Joel. While she was angry for what he's done-she realized he was doing his best to make things right. She wished him the best of luck. Becca wasn't a woman to let go easily. Especially when she was wronged.
Joel eased Sadie lower to the ground, letting her hooves dig in the dirt. He let Ellie climb off the horse before he hopped off.
Ellie walked up to them on the porch and shrugged, shaking her duffel bag in her hand,'Looks ya got another mouth to feed.' She sniffed the air,'Is that pancakes?'
Maria laughed as she patted her back.'I made a fresh batch. I think Seb might be getting up from his nap. Be a doll and bring him down to eat.' She looked at her sternly,'We earn I keep around here, missy.'
Ellie rolled her eyes and nodded,'Yeah yeah.'
She walked into the house, leaving the grownups on the porch to talk.
Joel crossed his arms over his chest and sighed,'It's only gonna be for a week. Tops. I got Becca at the cabin.'
'Is she alright?' Maria looked at him concernedly,'How's she feeling?'
He lolled his tongue around in his mouth, giving himself a beat to gather his thoughts,'She's a little…rough.' He shook his head,'Turns out those escorts weren't deputies.'
Tommy's eyes widened as he leaned in close to him,'They Firefly outliers?'
'I don't know.' He shrugged,'They brought her to some place. A fucking fishing hut.' He shook his head as the images of that bastard hitting her flashed into his mind.
Maria took a deep breath and shook her head,'I hoped you…'
'I did.' Joel nodded as he met her eyes,'Of course I fucking did. I blew both their brains out.' He took off his cowboy hat and ran his gloved hand through his hair,'She's having my baby.' He looked up at a surprised Tommy.
Tommy's eyes widened and a wide grin formed on his face,'Becca's having a baby?'
He shook his head as Joel nodded a laugh with tears in his eyes,'Yeah.' He laughed softly in disbelief,'I'm gonna be a dad again. I know this ain't the best time, but I'm happy as fuck. I'm so fucking happy, Tommy. She's having my baby.'
Tommy wrapped his arms around him, patting his back firmly,'I'm happy for you, brother. I'm so happy.'
Maria crossed her arms over her chest and sighed,'Is Becca happy?' She shook her head,'I hate to ruin the bro moment for you, but is Becca comfortable with you being around her? Ya know, considering you're the reason why she got into this mess in the first place.'
Joel hung his head shamefully and sighed. The happy moment was short lived. Reality came crashing down upon him.
'Maria. That's enough.' Tommy frowned,'It's their business.'
Maria glared down at her husband and didn't back down from him,'Becca is my sister. It is my business. I also tell you when it's enough.' She nodded towards Joel,'He doesn't get a free pass because he's your brother. He did horrible things to that girl. The woman who's supposed to be his wife.' She turned to Joel,'I knew she was pregnant by the way. She made sure she told the people who really cared about her.'
Tommy opened his mouth to say something, but Joel lifted his hand up and shook his head,'No, it's okay.' He turned to Maria and nodded,'You're right. You're absolutely right about everything. She isn't the biggest fan of me right now, but I'm working on it. I'm trying my best. Please know that.'
She shook her head and sighed,'I do know that. Or else I wouldn't be letting you near her.'
As Maria glared at her husband before walking into the house; Joel knew that to be a fact.
Joel looked at his brother and winced,'Sorry if I got ya in trouble.'
Tommy rolled his eyes and sighed,'I don't need you for that. I get myself in trouble on a daily basis.' He looked over his face,'What do you need from me?'
Joel stared off into the distance, mainly towards the direction of Sharon's house,'I need ya to keep your eyes and ears open. I think we may have someone from the inside working on this. Someone close to us.'
Tommy read between the lines and nodded understandingly,'You think Sharon would do something like that?'
'I don't know.' He shrugged,'But she promised Becca a safe passage. She swore to her she knew those men and trusted them. She wouldn't go off with just anybody. Maybe Sharon didn't know. I need to figure it out.'
Tommy placed his hands on his shoulders,'We need to figure it out.'
Joel nodded and gave him a small smile. He was thankful not to be alone in this. He truly didn't think he could do it on his own. He didn't even know what he was up against, but whatever it was it couldn't be good. He needed all the help he could get. He would do anything to save his family.
He was fighting for their happiness. Their future. Their child.
'Thank you.' Joel whispered,'You don't know how much this means to me. Thank you.'
'Don't thank me yet.' He shook his head,'I haven't done anything. You need to take care of your wife.'
'She doesn't want me anymore.' He frowned,'She told me she hated me.' He blinked away tears,'I think I ruined it for good, man.'
Tommy sighed deeply and squeezed his shoulders,'If I had a dime for every time Maria said she hated me-'
'It ain't the same.' He spat out,'I put a gun to her head. My pregnant wife. I got her put in jail, taken away. I divorced her. You saw that. I don't think there's any coming back from that.'
Tommy frowned. He didn't know what to say. He was at a loss for words. Maybe the damage was irreparable. He couldn't be the judge of that.
'You have to try.' Tommy shrugged,'All you can do is try.'
Joel nodded as he stepped back from him,'I'll be in touch.'
He stepped off the porch and climbed back onto Sadie. He tugged hard on the reins as she ran quickly down the trail, the dirt billowing up behind him.
Tommy watched as he rode out like a bat out of hell. He shook his head and sighed to himself. His brother was a man on a mission. He prayed for anyone that got in his path.
Joel had one last stop to make in Jackson before he headed back to her. He made sure to calm himself down before he got to her house. He didn't want to make a scene or rouse any suspicion. If she was involved, he doubted word got back to her that quickly.
It would be some time before the others realized their men were dead. When they did, he would be waiting for them.
He walked up to her house and knocked gently on her door. He waited a few moments before the door opened.
Her eyes were wide as she stared at him. She was wearing her pajamas and a robe covering it. She looked happy, safe and cozy in her home. Something about her made him want to strangle her in this moment.
She also could very well be innocent. This would be a moment where he would actually have to ask before acting. Becca's situation made him realize he needed to think before he reacted. Becca made him realize a lot of things about himself.
Sharon peered at the door and made sure he was alone,'What's going on? Is it Becca?'
'She's safe.' His eyes searched her face for anything suspect,'I made sure of that.'
She narrowed her eyes up at him and crossed her arms defensively,'What does that mean? Where did you take her?'
He shook his head and leaned close to her,'She's safe. That's all ya need to know. I'm gonna bring her to Tommy's in a couple days and you're gonna look her over to make sure she's alright. She's carrying my baby.' He smirked,'You knew that though. Didn't ya? You seem to know everything that's going on round here.'
She shook her head and sighed,'What are you implying now? I would never hurt that girl. What have you done with her?'
'Haven't done a thing.' He frowned,'She's being taken care of. It's a good thing I decided to trail her. God help you if I hadn't.' He tipped the brim of his hat to her,'Have a good day, maim. I'll be seeing ya soon.'
He stepped back from her and snapped his fingers,'Before I forget, don't go running to the council either.' He smirked,'Maria's already spoken with them on my behalf. I got a meeting in a week.' He grinned,'I didn't even have to go to jail.'
'Unlike your wife right?' She scoffed,'I don't know what you think I did, but you're delusional. Becca thinks so too.'
He didn't answer her as he climbed back on his horse. Becca may hate him right now, but she didn't think he was delusional. She was right on board the crazy train with him. She was beginning to lose trust in Sharon too.
We always realize our true friends amidst a crisis. True friends stand by you through the thick of it. Joel would be damned if he gave up on Becca now.
Becca kept staring out the window with the rifle clutched tightly in her hand. She kept looking over at the clock. He's been gone for almost five hours. He promised three hours. No longer than that.
Something must have happened to him. Maybe he got back to Jackson and changed his mind. He told the council and they were coming for her. He would blame her for killing the men. Sharon could've betrayed her and sent Fireflies after her. She was afraid of anything.
She wondered if someone else caught him and killed him. She didn't even want to think about him dying because of her. She hated him right now, but she wouldn't forgive herself if he died. She would grieve him. Regardless, she was still so in love with him. Love doesn't stop and start at will. She couldn't forgive him though. Not yet anyway. Not even in death.
She kept watch out the window the entire time for sight of him or anybody else. It was almost four before she realized he wasn't coming back.
He was three hours late. He wasn't coming. He left her with a rifle and bullets knowing damn well he wasn't coming back. She hated herself for still having faith in him. For believing in him still.
She turned her head away from the window and leaned back against the wall. She closed her eyes and slid down the wall to sit onto the floor. She cried softly, feeling hopeless and alone. She trusted him again. The one thing she swore she would never do. She should've known.
She heard the wind whipping heavily outside. There was a heavy snowstorm about to begin. No one would be traveling in this treacherous weather. She would be safe for tonight. Only a crazy person would ride in weather like this.
The wind howled as he pushed Sadie through the snowstorm. He was moving slowly as her hooves treaded through the thick snow. He wasn't going to make it on her back. He would have to walk her the rest of the way.
He didn't know how long he had left to go, but he refused to give up. He promised her he would make it back today. He refused to let her down again. Not ever again. She would never forgive him this time. He very well could end up dead too. Either option seemed viable at the moment.
He secured the rope around his wrist as he pulled Sadie along. She walked obediently alongside of him, neighing her disdain for the cold weather. He laughed and patted her hide,'I know. You hate the cold. Just like your mama. We gotta get to her, girl. She's gonna think we let her down. We can't have that.'
Sadie, in some strange way seemed to understand him. She started walking faster, almost pulling him along. He laughed slightly as he tread through the snow, thankful for the snow boots Tommy let him borrow. He pulled the scarf up over his face to shield him from the cold as he made his way through the snow.
He would make it back to his woman. His life depended on it.
He saw the beacon of light as he pulled himself up the hill. His eyes widened when he saw the cabin. It was shrouded in darkness. She remembered his warning about putting on lights.
He smiled to himself. She was listening to him after all. He thought she had been ignoring him the whole damned time.
His feet ached as he slowly made his way up to the cabin. Every bone in his body ached and he was sure Sadie was tired as well. He managed to drudged up the strength to put her up in the shed.
He stumbled over to the cabin, feeling the cold and exhaustion seep deep into his bones. He made it back to her though. He may be late as shit, but he didn't break his promise.
He half walked and half crawled over to the door. His boots and jeans were soaked from the snow. It felt like the denim was frozen to his skin.
He stretched his arm out and banged on the door two times.
Becca was sitting on the floor when she heard the two loud bangs. She jumped at the sound. Her heart started pounding as she remembered what he said to her.
I'll knock two times. Only two times. Don't answer for anyone else.
She heeded those words carefully as she pulled herself up from the floor. She held the rifle tightly in her hands as she walked over to the door. She looked into the peephole, but didn't see anybody. She frowned.
Was it him or did he send someone else?
Against her better judgment; she decided to open the door. Whomever it was would make themselves known either way. She mine as well not deny the inevitable.
She took a deep breath and slowly opened the door. She gasped as Joel's body slumped forward against her legs. She looked down, seeing his cold and wet body.
She crouched down and grabbed him by the back of his coat, sliding him inside the cabin. She locked the door behind them and slid the chair in front of it.
She sighed in relief and confusion as she stared down at him. She truly thought he abandoned her again. She almost shot him before she saw the pitiful sight. She almost felt bad for him. Almost.
The woman in her knew it served him right. It's just what he deserved. The nurse in her refused to let him die of hypothermia. A little bit of the woman loved him too much to see him die.
She started taking his coat off as she focused on getting him out of his wet clothes. She pulled the scarf away from his face, seeing his cheeks windburned and his lips chafed from the cold.
'Why would you do this?' She shook her head as she unbuttoned his flannel,'You could've gotten yourself killed.'
He weakly lifted up his arm as his hand stroked the ends of her hair,'I promised to come back.' His teeth were chattering and he was still stuttering from the cold,'I came back to you. I'm…I'm late. Ssssorry.'
She sighed and shook her head. She felt her resolve slowly starting to crumble. She forgot he could be really sweet when he wanted to be. She wouldn't fall prey to his pretty words. She would make sure he didn't die. If only for Ellie and their child.
She struggled to tug his jeans down his legs. The rough denim was wet and sticking to his skin. She used a knife to rip them open. She hoped he brought another pair, but she couldn't care about that right now. She had another ex husband to save.
She ripped the tattered jeans off his legs and took off his boxers. She looked over his naked body for any injuries, sighing in relief when she didn't see any.
He was shivering, but his body didn't seem feverish yet. She would have to get him warm before that happened.
'I can't lift you.' She frowned,'No offense and I say this in the nicest way possible. You're too heavy.' She sighed as she gripped his arms,'You gonna make a pregnant lady struggle to carry your sorry ass?'
His eyes rolled at that and he struggled to lift himself up. He was embarrassed at himself, but maybe he needed to be humbled in front of her. She needed to see how weak he was without her. How he struggled to goddamned breathe without her. It felt like his life didn't really begin until he met her.
She rolled her eyes and shook her head, whispering,'This man's gonna put me in an early grave.'
She stood up straight and nodded,'Okay, guess we're gonna do this the hard way.'
She slid her hands underneath his arms and gritted her teeth as she slid him over to the lay in front of the fireplace. She wrapped him up in all the blankets she could find and placed a pillow underneath his head.
She rested back against the wall with her legs laying near his legs. She looked down at him and sighed. She thought he wasn't coming back. She swore like hell at him. She gave him every reason not to come back, but he did. He traveled miles in a treacherous snowstorm just to get back to her. Alone.
That held some weight with her. He was trying, but she didn't fully trust his intentions. He may want to protect her because of the baby. That was good enough for her. The baby came before all else.
She got up and grabbed the rifle. She went back and sat by him again. She looked over his sleeping body and pressed her hand against her mouth, muffling her sobs. She didn't know what they were going to do.
It felt like Silver Lake all over again. She didn't want to be on the run again. She wanted to be free.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Joel groaned softly as he opened his eyes. He lifted his head up, finding himself naked and wrapped up in blankets on the floor.
He sat up and looked around, seeing Becca sitting at the end of his legs. She had the rifle on her lap as she stared down at him expectedly,'Good. You're awake.'
He ran a hand over his face and sighed,'I got caught in a storm.'
'That you did.' She nodded,'You collapsed from exhaustion or the cold. Maybe both.' She sighed and shook her head,'You might be sore. I had to drag you over here. I couldn't lift you.'
He nodded and snorted,'I vaguely remembering ya calling me heavy.'
'It's not a lie.' She shrugged and glanced over at him,'Its not a bad thing either. I had to cut your jeans to take them off you. I'm sorry.'
'I brought more.' He cleared his throat,'I'm planning to stay with ya until this is sorted out. Don't feel right bout leaving ya here all vulnerable.'
His words made her uncomfortable and she didn't know why. She expected him to be up her ass. She didn't expect him to be so blatant about it.
'Okay.' She nodded,'I sleep in the bed by myself though.'
'Of course.' His eyes narrowed,'I brought a sleeping bag. I wouldn't force myself on ya, Becca. Give me a little bit more credit than that.'
Her eyes widened at the hurt in his tone. She blanched and shook her head,'I didn't mean it like that. I was telling you my boundaries.'
He nodded as he leaned back on his hands, disregarding his bare chest,'You made it loud and clear what your boundaries are, darlin. I'm gonna steer clear and be a perfect gentleman.' He couldn't help the smirk that formed on his face,'You're the one who stripped me down soon as I got here.'
She rolled her eyes and groaned as she pulled herself up from the floor,'I should've let your ass freeze to death out there.' She walked over to the window, looking out at the raging snowstorm outside,'Any word about what's going on?'
He brought his knees to his chest as he huddled in front of the fire, still feeling the chill in his bones,'Tommy's gonna keep an eye out. Nothing yet though. Maria talked to the council. I got a meeting in a week. I'm gonna ask for you to come back.' He cleared his throat,'Maria said they would take ya back under the…circumstances.'
'Circumstances?' She turned to look at him and frowned,'What type of circumstances, Joel?'
He played with the frayed yarn on the blanket and sighed, whispering,'That we're married and you're pregnant.'
Her eyes widened and she shook her head,'No.'She crossed her arms over her chest,'Absolutely not, Joel. You can't do this. You can't just decide my life for me and decide how it's going to end up. You've already gambled with my life plenty of times. You're not doing it anymore.'
'What other options do we have?' He laid his hands out and stared up at her desperately,'I either go to the cancel and plead my conditions or you'll be in contempt. They'll send ya to the gallows, Becca.' He shook his head,'That ain't happening. I'll kidnap ya damn self.'
She sighed and shook her head,'So you tell them we're married and I'm pregnant? Won't that put us in more danger?' She narrowed her eyes,'What if I don't want to be married to you anymore? What if I don't want anyone to know about that?'
He laughed softly and shook his head,'Ya gotta keep cutting that knife in deeper dontcha, Bec? You just can't help yourself.'
Her eyes widened at his frustrated and…broken tone. He sounded broken and tired.
'I know that I fucked up. I know that.' He bowed his head and sighed shakily,'I gotta live with that every single day.'
He shook his head to himself as he sat up on his knees and pointed downward,'I didn't know marrying me was such such a goddamned burden. It was good between us. I was a good husband.'
'You put a gun to my head.' Her eyes widened incredulously,'You accused me of being a trader and a whore. I was supposed to be your wife. I died that fucking day, Joel. I've never been so humiliated in my life.'
He crawled over towards her and grasped the rifle. He lifted up the barrel and pressed it against his chest, exactly where she had been shot,'You hate me so much then do it. Kill me. Leave me here and take Sadie. Take the weapons, the ammunition and the supplies. Head out West to that community in California I told ya about.' He pressed the barrel deeper,'Cock it and pull the trigger. Put this damn world out of its misery.'
She stared at him, her eyes leveled with his. Her hands were shaking as he pressed the rifle to his chest. It would be so easy for her to do it. She would miss him and Ellie, but she would endure.
There was only one problem though. She loved him with every fiber of her being. He was in her blood, coursing through her veins. She couldn't pull the trigger just as much as he wouldn't.
This has been the third time she's pointed a gun at him. She guessed they were even.
She tugged her arm down and shook her head, whispering,'I can't do it. You know I can't do it. I…'
She almost told him she loved him. Almost. She couldn't give all her secrets away.
She placed the rifle against the wall and sighed deeply,'I'm tired of doing this, Joel.' She waved her hand between them,'This tug of war. It isn't doing either one of us any favors. We're having a baby. We need to learn to…compromise.' She looked over at him and frowned,'Why is the marriage thing so goddamned important?' She snorted,'I would think a baby would trump that.'
'It isn't about.' He paused for a moment and tilted his head to side, as if considering something,'It's a way of keeping you close.' He pressed his hand to her chest,'Keeping ya safe.' He sighed shakily,'I wasn't too keen about it either. Maria gave me…us two options. Either we tell them both or…we say either.'
'We?' She shook her head confusingly,'They aren't letting me back into Jackson.'
'I don't give a shit.' He leaned back against the bed, the blanket wrapped around his waist,'You have just a right as being there as me.' He looked up at her, a sly smirk on his face,'You keen on being married to me?' He swallowed the lump in his throat,'Cause I ain't telling those fucks you're carrying our baby. We'll have ya at the ranch when ya start showing.'
She looked over at him and gave him a small smile,'Thank you for letting me go to the council meeting with you. I appreciate it.'
He shrugged and smiled sadly,'It's what friends are for.'
She crossed her arms over her chest and scoffed,'I'll be some barefoot and pregnant farmer's wife.'
'Isn't that every debutante's dream?' He snickered at the glare she gave him. His schooled his features and cleared his throat,'It's only in name. To make sure we can keep an eye on ya. I ain't expecting anything from ya.'
'Good.' She nodded,'Because I don't think you're deserving of that.' She took a deep breath and nodded,'We'll do things your way. For now. It's best they don't know about the baby anyway. I doubt Sharon would let them know. She would have too much to lose either way. It's better for me to be closer too. I can keep an eye on things myself.' She saw the smirk on his face and shrugged,'What?'
'You're wrong.' He shook his head,'You could never just be some farmer's wife. You're too damned smart for your own good sometimes. We're gonna figure this out.' He held her gaze from across the room and nodded,'Gonna build us that house I promised.' He closed his eyes, feeling like a fucker sucker,'I'll even build another room for you and the baby. I…I know you probably don't ever wanna be with me again.'
He stared up at her. Her back was leaned against the wall, her arms crossed defensively over her chest. His beautiful and fierce woman. His everything.
He swallowed the lump in his throat, feeling his eyes well up with tears,'Can ya promise me one thing?'
'What's that?' She saw him staring at her, his eyes filled with unshed tears. She was tired of the crying. She wanted the happiness again.
'Promise me that if ya…ever find someone else that.' He shook his head as he cried openly in front of her,'You won't take our baby away from me.'
Her eyes widened and she shook her head,'I would never do that.' She sighed and walked over kneel down in front of him. She held his bearded face in her hands and lifted his head up to look at her,'That's never gonna happen. We're in this together. You're not gonna let me down again. And I'm not gonna let you.' She met his gaze, letting him know she was serious,'We've known each other four years and you pull that bullshit on me, Joel?'
His eyes widened as she narrowed her eyes at him. Her Southern accent became more pronounced. Deep and husky as her voice simmered with emotion.
He knew this week was going to be a rough one. He had a lot to atone for. He was dealing with a very angry woman. Who carried a loaded rifle he gave her. He's always been a fool sideways for her.
Joel sighed as he pulled his sore body up from the floor. He was getting to be an old man. A man that was about to become a father again. He knew marrying a young girl meant wanting children. He didn't mind it so much with her. She kickstarted his old heart again. He never fucked so much in his life.
They were always so reserved in the daytime. While they worked their jobs and fulfilled their duties in Jackson. During the night when the chaos ceased and it was just the two of them; they were all over each other. Hands grasping, mouths on each other and slowly sinking inside her tight little body. Those kinds of thoughts are what got her knocked up in the first place.
They were also dangerous. He couldn't touch her like that anymore. She seemed to recoil at his touch. He hated that she was afraid of him.
Joel dug through his knapsack, taking clean clothes. He changed into his boxers, jeans and flannel, all the while muttering and mumbling to himself.
She peered over his shoulder and frowned,'What was that?'
He huffed as he turned around to gave her, fixing his color,'I said you're ungrateful.' He nodded as she widened her eyes in fury,'Yeah, that's right. I hauled my ass through a goddamned blizzard to make it back to you. I'm here. I didn't bring anyone but me. Ain't no one but Tommy and Maria know you're here. No one else. What else do I gotta fucking do?'
He paced the tiny kitchen as he shook his head, laughing softly,'Ya know I almost killed myself after ya left?' He glanced over at her, seeing her take a step towards him. He took a step back from her,'I ain't telling ya that to make ya feel sorry for me. I'm telling ya why I didn't.' He took a deep breath,'I…saw the saddle ya gave me and…I knew I had to find ya. I needed to make things right and bring you home. I didn't care if ya hated me or not.' He stared at her and laughed,'God, I even knew it then too, but I was so fucking stupid. I was…jealous.'
'Of what?' She frowned,'Of Ben?'
He placed his hands on his hips as he turned his back to her,'I see the way ya talk to the people ya work with. The…smarter types.' He shrugged,'Sometimes I…feel like ya married me cause ya felt sorry for me, like this was some big sham.' He sighed shakily, whispering,'I ain't deaf. I hear about what your friends say about me. They think I'm stupid. When I…saw that shit I thought it was true and I panicked.'
'Panicked is an understatement, Joel.' She frowned,'And fuck you for even thinking I'm looking for someone else.' She shook her head confusingly,'Or that I married you out of pity?' She motioned to her stomach,'This is some pity right here. What the fuck? Have you been skipping therapy?' She looked over his face,'Are you drinking again?'
'No.' He rolled his eyes and ran his hand through his hair,'I'm just trying to win back your affection, darlin.'
She looked over at him as he leaned against the counter. He was in desperate need of a shave. His hair was getting longer and starting to curl. She liked it longer. It suited him. He had a scowl on his face though as he stared at her questioningly.
'What do you want me to say, Joel?' She shook her head,'That I forgive you?' She nodded,'Okay, I forgive you.' She shrugged,'You're forgiven. Will that make you stop whining?'
He cocked his head to the side and pouted as he smiled ruefully,'What? Not even a blow job?'
Her eyes widened up at him as she gasped. All she saw was red as she punched him in the face, hitting him in the mouth. He laughed as he wiped the blood from his bottom lip. She had a good right hook. She taught him well.
'I don't think you love me. I don't think you've ever loved anyone in your life.' She seethed,'You're a heartless son of a bitch, Joel Miller. I curse the day I ever met you.'
Her words hurt him worse than any mortal wound ever could. He didn't like her assumptions. Her implies.
'You wanna go?' He nodded as he grabbed her bags and gentle grasped her arm, pulling her out the door,'You wanna take my baby and leave me then do it. Stop fucking giving me hope.' He broke down as he held onto her shirt,'I can't have you looking at me like that and…not making me want more. How fucking dare you say I never loved anyone? I love you! I love you so much! What do I gotta do to say I'm sorry? I'll hang my self in the middle of Jackson Square to make it right. You don't tell me who to love. You don't get to choose that.'
He tugged on her sweater as he dropped the bags to unlock the door. He kicked the chair away, but she did not jump. She did not fear him when she first met him and she would not fear him today.
She took a deep breath and peered over his shoulder, whispering,'I'm not afraid of you, Joel. I don't want to go either. I want to stay. Here with you.'
He closed his eyes as he took a deep breath. He was too afraid to hope. He kept his back facing her. It could be a joke. He wouldn't dare look at her.
She placed her hand on his arm and squeezed it tightly,'We need to stop fighting each other. We're no good to each other if we keep going at each other like this.' She shook her head and sighed, whispering,'I'm tired, Joel. It's not good for the baby. This baby deserves a chance.'
He nodded as he cautiously placed his hand over his that was resting on his arm,'I meant what I said. No pressure. You're my wife only in name.'
She laughed and rolled her eyes,'I've always been your wife, Joel. Way before we had an official wedding. I feel like we've been married since we got here.' She shrugged,'It never felt any different after we were married.'
She was right. It didn't feel different. The transition felt natural. They were always meant for this.
He was slowly making amends. One step at a time. Above all else. They were best friends first.
It was a step in the right direction. He would rather have her in his life as a friend than nothing at all. She was letting him be apart of his baby's life. She was agreeing to the deceit in front of the council. It was punishable by death.
Was it even a lie at all? He refused to die on a lie. She was his wife through and through. Whether she still wanted to admit it yet or not.
'I don't want ya to go, Becca.' He whispered admittedly,'I love you so much.'
'Good.' She whispered tearfully as she wrapped her arm around his midsection. She wasn't letting him off the hook quite yet, but she was taking pity on an old man.
She rested her chin on his shoulder, looking up at him,'Shave the fucking nest on your face.' She scowled,'You're gonna be a father. You need to welcome the baby as a gentleman.'
A small smile formed on his face and he shook his head,'I haven't had much of a need to shave it. Was too preoccupied with finding my wife. I have a knack for losing her.'
'Yeah.' She nodded and narrowed her eyes,'You need to not fucking do that anymore.'
He turned around to face her and met her gaze, shaking his head,'I swear on our baby's life I ain't gonna let that happen.'
She nodded as she took a step back from him. She was still keeping her guard up, touching him when it was within her boundaries. He would respect that and not take selfishly what others have before. He would let her choose him. Again. He would do it again and again if he had to.
She was worth it. The fight for their happiness was worth it. Some weren't going to make it. He wasn't naive enough to think he would survive, but he would fight like hell to. For he had something to fight for.
Something to protect.
He tugged on her hand and jerked his head towards the kitchen,'Now eat. I brought more of Betsy's muffins ya like.' Her eyes lit up and he smirked.
He watched as she practically ran over towards the kitchen table and dug into the muffins. She had been too nervous to eat. He needed to make sure she did that more. Ate. He needed to remind himself of that too.
They were going to be parents. At least he hoped so anyway. They haven't made it that far yet.