Chapter 64: Being Unconscious is Often Preferred
Kagome: Yashie, babe, if you get drunk and sleep with one of those skanky ass whores, I will chop your shlong off and make you eat it.
Inuyasha: when have I ever been unfaithful to you?
Kagome: Do you REALLY want me to answer that?
Miroku: *puts arm around Inuyasha's shoulders heartily* Yashie, my friend, let's not go bringing up ex-lovers, okie doke? Tonight is for the bois
Kagome: Same to you. Hurt Sannie and you will suffer.
Sango: *puts arm around Miroku's shoulders with the same demeanor* Roku, my love, let's remember that you have a wife at home and not do anything you might regret
Miroku: not to worry, Sango! Tonight is for the bois and solely the bois, no women necessary
Kagome: Fluffy, you WILL stay sober and WILL keep an eye on those two
Fluffy: And why would I do that?
Kagome: Bar. bie.
Miroku: you girls better not get too crazy either! *says it like a dad and winks*
Kagome: Whatevs. Bye.
Miroku: *rubs hands together* so, what do you guys have planned for me?
Yashie: *grins devilishly*
Narrator: SOME TIME LATER
Miroku: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Yashie: Grow up
Miroku: WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TAKE ME HERE?! *shrieks and jumps away as a horse whinnies next to him*
Sesshomaru: I'll never understand why you humans enjoy torturing those you love
Miroku: you torture everyone all the time!
Sesshomaru: I don't love anyone.
Fluffy: Why are we at an equestrian farm, little brother?
Yashie: One, fuck you. And two, it's Miroku's bachelor party. We're gonna get drunk and ride horses
Fluffy: I refuse
Miroku: I second that motion!
Yashie: Barbara, don't make me post the video. Kagome sent it to me
Miroku: *trying to stay calm* Inuyasha, it is my bachelor party, can't we do something that I would enjoy?
Yashie: The only thing you enjoy is Sango and strip clubs. And Playboy Magazine
Miroku: *struggling to think of a good argument* I only do one of those things nowadays!
Inuyasha: *shoves a bottle of liquor in Miroku's hand, picks him up, and puts him on a horse* have fun
Miroku: *screams* GET ME OFF
The horse: *still calm but clearly giving the monk a look of 'really?'*
Sesshomaru: *starting to enjoy the show* maybe this won't be as awful as I had anticipated
Yashie: *grabs a bottle of rum and jumps on another horse with a backflip* Let's fuckin' do this!
Sesshomaru: *somehow has a glass of scotch and takes a delicate sip, hiding the fact that he doesn't actually like it*
Miroku: *hyperventilating*
Yashie: *hands Fluffy a bottle of champagne and a fluke instead*
Sesshomaru: *stares at him murderously* who do you think I am, younger brother? *secretly really wanted the bubbly*
Yashie: Sorry, Barbarella, didn't know you not only have a stick up your ass but you're ALSO a Tsundere.
Sesshomaru: *frowns and turns to the side to pour himself a glass*
Yashie: *smirks but looks away-only to see Miroku trying to slide off the horse* Miroku, get the fuck back on that horse or so help me
Miroku: I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE
Yashie: Too bad
Yashie: This was all I could think of that didn't involve whores or bars
Miroku: there are other things that grown men do for fun!
Yashie: like what?
Miroku: like! Uh...golf?
Yashie: Golf sucks
Miroku: *struggling* bowling?
Yashie: Claws, remember?
Miroku: rock climbing?
Yashie: Barbarella and I would just scale it
Miroku: COULDN'T WE JUST GO TO A NORMAL BAR
Yashie: Let's make a YouTube channel
Yashie: Two demons and a pussy
Miroku: I JUST WANTED TO HAVE A GOOD TIME DAMNIT
Miroku: WHY ARE YOU FORCING ME TO RIDE A HORSE
Yashie: Because it was fun
Yashie: *presses a button, revealing all the horses to be mechanical*
Miroku: *freaks out and falls to the ground* what the hell..?
Yashie: And this was actually a movie set. I blackmailed the owner to let me use it to fuck with my friend
Miroku: oh thank fuck...I thought I was going to die...
Yashie: How did you even become afraid of horses?
Miroku: I got kicked in the special place
Yashie: You were a kid, right?
Miroku: I was seventeen
Sesshomaru: *has almost downed the entire bottle of bubbly* weak. *hiccups*
Yashie: *still not drunk*
Yashie: *grabs a fifth of Jack* Pussy
Sesshomaru: I am not drunk. I am merely experiencing some digestive issues. *hiccups again*
Yashie: Sure, Lush Barbarella
Miroku: so, I'm almost afraid to ask after the sick joke you just played on me, but...what's next?
Yashie: Beer pong
Narrator: FOUR HOURS LATER!
Yashie: *slurring* 'Ey! You shtill passhed outtt?
Sesshy: *using his claw to make a ball levitate back and forth in front of his own face*
Miroku: *starts laughing out of nowhere whilst lying flat on the floor*
Yashie: *yelling at someone who groped him, thinking he was a chick*
Yashie: Toucc me 'gain, an' I'll fuccc you up, fucker!
Teenage girl: *sees Sesshomaru and gasps* oh my god! It's that guy from the Barbie video!
Sesshy: *lets the ball fall to the ground* excuse me?
Girl's friend: *pretty drunk* it is! *a bunch of girls surround him*
Another teenage girl: OH MY GOD IT TOTALLY IS THE BARBIE GIRL GUY! He's so hot!
Another girl: can you sign my asscheek?!
Sesshy: who. The hell. Posted... oh what the hell *signs his name in glittery sharpie across someone's cleavage*
Yashie: *snickers and make a note to thank Kagome*
Miroku: *a little jealous that no one is hitting on him but glad that Sango won't be angry*
Yashie: *has already thrown three people down the hallway* GET OFF OF ME! I AIN'T A CHICK, YOU FUCKERS!
Miroku: *decides that the floor is comfy and goes half unconscious*
Yashie: *throwing drunken punches and even gets a shiner*
Fluffy: *irritatedly signing autographs, cursing whoever posted the video*
Miroku: *starts randomly humming the pirates of the caribbean theme music*
Yashie: *starts decking like everyone in sight*
Yashie: *accidentally punches Fluffy in the back of the head*
Sesshy: *turns around slowly*
One girl: *on Snapchat video* GUYS I'm at this party and LOOK WHO'S HERE it's the Barbie guy! His hair is so soft! And he signed my tits!
Other drunk girl: Ohmygod, he's totally gonna murder that silver haired girl!
Yashie: I'M A FUCKING DUDE, BITCH!
Miroku: *starts making police siren noises*
Narrator: within minutes, actual police sirens can be heard wailing near the establishment*
Narrator: the TV in the room switches to an urgent message that warns of a wanted criminal in the area, showing a photo of Sesshomaru from the Barbie video
Narrator: the headline reads "Dancing Barbie Man Internet Sensation Linked to a String of Heinous Murders In the Area"
Yashie: *grabs Miroku and nopes the fuck out the front door*
Yashie: *pauses* One photo can't hurt *goes back and snaps a picture of the news alert*
Sesshomaru: *doesn't actually give a fuck until all the girls start whispering amongst themselves partially afraid but partially more intrigued*
Yashie: Niiiiice *will go home but not before downing seven more wine coolers*
Sesshy: *decides to leave because he's too lazy to murder that many people at the moment*
Police: FREEZE! GET DOWN ON THE GROUND NOW!
Sesshy: *walks right past the officer, cracking his clawed fingers*
Officer: *shoots Fluffy in the ass*
Teenage girl: NOOO! NOT BARBIE MAN'S ASS!
Sesshy: *looks back with red eyes and speaks in a dual demon voice* stupid mortal
Yashie: Ha! *runs away with Miroku under his arm as sirens blare in the distance*
Miroku: *cackling as Inuyasha drags him away*
Narrator: Sometime later!
Yashie: *holding a passed-out Miroku, talking to himself* So tonight was fun...I wonder what the girls have been doing...
Yashie: *opens the door to find Sango passed out on the couch and Kagome, Rin, and Kirara playing a card game around the dining room table*
Yashie: so, what did you girls do while we were gone?
Kagome and Rin: *flashback involving portals, flirting with ugly ass cops, booze, dildos and cheese passes through their minds; grins freeze*
Rin, Kagome, and Kirara: Nothing!