Years ago, a friend of mine challenged me to write a Sirius/Lily. Not being a fan of straight romances, I managed to fix the scenario. I'd already written more than half the fic when I realized that something wasn't working and I had to start all over again! God, it's long and exhausting having to rewrite chapters and chapters of something you've already developed! But I think I'm on the right track now!
This is pretty far from the kind of fiction I usually write. This one's somewhere between drama and boulevard theater. Really, there will be quite a few scenes worthy of a comic play! But, hey, it's good to change and write with less seriousness once in a while!
I owe Shakira the title of this fic, thanks to her! (A great song, listen to it!)
Anyway, thanks to those who gave this story a chance, and enjoy the read!
"What the hell are you doing, Lily Potter?"
That's what she said to herself during the transaction and then all the way back to 12 Grimmauld Place, with emphasis on the "Potter". Oh, Lily didn't need to be told that what she was doing was completely immoral in addition to being punishable by law. She was well aware of that.
At first it had been just an absurd idea, a sick fantasy that she had never thought to materialize. Then she met this young potioneer, Archie Atkinson, at the annual Auror dinner. The conversation had drifted to the topic of potions that were particularly difficult to make. That's when the question that had been rolling around in her head for so long finally slipped out of her mouth.
"Do you think you'd be able to do it?"
She instantly regretted it. Fortunately, Archie didn't seem to mind her asking. At least that's what she thought at the time.
Because they eventually reconnected after that first meeting. And from then on, everything had happened at breakneck speed, so that barely a week later, she found herself in that shady alleyway, exchanging sixty Galleons for a small vial filled with dark liquid.
"It's all gonna depend on your metabolism, but I think this will keep you going for a week," Archie hedged. At 60 gallons per 30 cl, he had better be right. Anyway, it wasn't like she was going to do this for the rest of her life, right? It was... it was just a a trial, to assuage her assumptions.
When she arrived between numbers 11 and 13, Lily only had to repeat the words " 12 Grimmauld Place" for the old Black home to appear out of nowhere. The building, despite all the care that had been given to it, had aged dramatically in four years. The Blacks had abandoned it when they fled the Wizard's War and the Order of the Phoenix had taken advantage of the opportunity to establish its headquarters there. The house could not withstand this sudden change of ownership and quickly deteriorated in protest. Its decrepit walls and filthy windows made the redhead wince. She hated the place.
Lily climbed up the worn steps of the porch, one by one, before lowering the silver handle, praying that the house would be empty of all its occupants. Archie had told her that the effects would last for several hours and that no one should surprise her in this state. What would James say if he saw her like this?
James. Her husband.
"Damn it. What the hell are you doing, Lily Potter? Lily. POTTER."
By Merlin's beard. She was a Potter now. She had married James, the man who had idolized her since their first year at Hogwarts. James was funny and smart. Charming and sensitive. He loved her with an uncommon passion and she loved him too... but unfortunately not as much as him.
Not as much as Sirius Black.
It was awful. She knew it. But there was nothing she could do about it now. She was trapped in a destructive passion ; a forbidden love she hadn't seen coming.
The first time she had met Sirius, he had exasperated her as much, if not more, than James. She had hated his pretentious air, the cruelty he showed to others, and especially to Severus through his stupid and sometimes dangerous jokes. When she learned that he had nearly killed Severus with his prank, it had put her in such a state of rage that the next day she had broken his nose with one punch.
The story could have ended there. Sirius could have remained just a moron that she would have been content to hate for the rest of her life. Except that Sirius' behavior had miraculously changed after this incident. The punch she had given him and the anger of James had played a part. She knew it. But what had changed the situation, above all, was the fact that Sirius had finally accepted his homosexuality.
His subsequent confrontation with Remus, obviously out of his mind, had indeed taken an unexpected turn. Sirius had finally confessed his secret and the feelings he had for him. Remus, after several days of thinking on his side, had finally accepted them. From then on, Sirius' behavior had changed completely. Relieved of his shame and anger, he became calmer and more mature. His jokes, from which Severus no longer suffered, became smarter and funnier. His charm increased tenfold. Lily, who in the meantime had finally agreed to date James, had become his friend and confidante. The almost silly romanticism of the last Black offspring had gradually bewitched her until she fell madly, desperately, in love with him.
"I guess the filthy Mudblood is back! How dare you live in the noble home of the Black family? How dare you consider this house yours?"
Walburga Black's loud voice drew Lily from her thoughts. If Sirius' parents had to flee the country, Walburga's painting, glued to the wall by a Permanent Sticking Charm, served to remind every visitor that they were not welcome here. Tired of its insults and black looks, the Order had tried to hide it behind ratty old curtains. Yet the woman had fine hearing and, as soon as she heard someone open the door, she took pleasure in copiously insulting them.
As Lily was ignoring them, Walburga's attacks became even more intense.
"Did you lose your tongue? You are nothing but a disgrace. I don't know what I am most ashamed of between you and the vile beast who made my son a sodomite. That filthy werewolf that lives within our walls... He has defiled the nobility of the Black people! I come to hope that a fire will break out and take him and the soiled remains of this house away! Purification by fire! That's the only thing that works with monsters!"
This time Walburga went much too far. Lily drew the dusty curtains with a sharp gesture before pointing her wand at the portrait and whistling between her teeth.
"If I were you, I'd shut up before an unfortunate accident happens."
Walburga laughed scornfully and stood up in her chair.
"As if you didn't agree with me. I can hear you talking, young lady. I hear how you answer him. You don't like him either."
There was a silence during which the two women stared at each other.
"You're lying." Lily whispered.
"You're lying to yourself." Walburga said softly as she fully savored the expression on the redhead's face.
Lily did not answer her. Instead, she hastened to close the curtain and walked away, which greatly displeased the matriarch, who launched into a new series of insults. Lily could still hear them from the dining room. God, how much she abhorred that woman. But what she hated even more was the fact that she was right. Lily wasn't sure she liked Remus anymore.
When she had ended her friendship with Severus in fifth year, Remus had become her new best friend. When Remus became aware of Sirius's feelings, he had spoken to her first and it was she who convinced him to give him a chance. At first, she had been happy for him. For them. But she was kicking herself about it now
"Pathetic! You're pathetic!" Walburga shouted in the background.
Lily smiled bitterly. Once again, Mother Black was right.
With her head down, she slowly climbed the creaky steps of the old wooden staircase to her room. She was sure she was alone now. If one of the three boys had been there, the racket created by the painting would have been certain to bring them out to silence her. As for the house elves, they had disappeared with the owners. No, Lily was alone, as per usual. Alone in that dark and dusty house that had been her prison for two years.
Lily entered her room and closed the door. Like everything else in the house, the place was sinister. The half peeling wallpaper revealed walls blackened by humidity. The only little light that managed to get through the narrow, grimy windows was automatically sucked up by the dark furniture. The only touches of color came from the frames that James had hung on the walls. Inside were pictures of their wedding, the most beautiful day of James' life. Lily wished it was hers, too.
Despite her feelings for Sirius, James had succeeded in making her happy. At least for a short time. Just enough for her to agree to marry him when they finished school, at the age of 18. But how she had suffered on her wedding day! When she had seen Sirius, so happy to be James' best man, waiting for her at the altar by his side, her heart had melted. She had wanted to cancel the ceremony, tear off her veil and run to Sirius and reveal everything to him...
Then she had seen his hand firmly anchored in Remus' and that had dashed all her hopes. Sirius was gay. He could never love her. In fact, she doubted that he could ever love any man other than Remus. Sirius seemed to be hypnotized by the werewolf. She knew that her passion was doomed to failure. Nevertheless, the situation had continued to torment her.
When James proposed they move into Godric's Hollow after their marriage, far from their friends, she thought that everything would change and that she could finally forget about Sirius and devote herself only to her husband. And indeed, that is what happened. Not seeing Sirius every day was a blessing for her and her relationship with James had grown stronger as a result. To this day, she was sure that if things had continued in that way, she would have been able to get through it.
Unfortunately, a year later, the war against Voldemort had reached disastrous proportions. On a dark June evening, the Potter's family mansion went up in flames during a brawl between the Death Eaters and the Order of the Phoenix. Deprived of their home and needing to get closer to the Order, the couple had no other choice but to move in with Sirius.
It was at this point that the nightmare began again. Of course, the circumstances were such that Lily had little time to devote to her extramarital love but, every time her eyes fell on Sirius, her heart was torn apart.
Lily observed herself in the mirror as she undressed completely. She had lost a lot of weight. Ever since they lived at 12 Grimmauld Place, it was as if the house was slowly digesting her. The love she felt for Sirius consumed her bit by bit. And poor James! He couldn't understand that it was their situation that was spoiling her appetite.
"Why don't you put on some weight? The war is over! You can eat your fill now!" He's say to her, over and over for the past few months.
Because they had won the war six months ago. It was Dumbledore, himself, who had defeated the Dark Lord in a violent confrontation. Even though his henchmen continued to carry out attacks against the world of sorcerers, the dark wizard had not reappeared.
As a result of these events, James and Sirius were named Aurors. Remus had also been offered the opportunity, but had declined due to his condition. Instead, he chose a job in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures where he used his status as war veteran to fight prejudice and abuse against werewolves. Lily had also declined the offer since the mere thought of eventually being on a mission with Sirius filled her with dread. Instead, she said she wanted to find her own way and has been wandering around 12 Grimmauld Place ever since.
James had not wanted to end their cohabitation with Sirius and Remus, claiming that it was better to stay with them while they recouped their losses. Lily had, of course, tried to change her husband's had insisted heavily that they leave the house, sometimes to the point of being aggressive, even hysterical. But when James had expressed confusion at her reaction, she had given up; no longer possessing the strength to lie and even less strength to tell him the truth.
Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, Lily was shaking so much that she could hardly open the flask. Was she really going to do it? Had she really fallen that low?
She didn't want to hurt anyone but her life had become unbearable. Lily needed to see if, no matter what the situation, her love for Sirius was doomed to failure. It was the only thing that would give her closure; to finally put up with the hell she had been going through for more than three years.
She had been stuck here for three years, obliged to undergo the constant presence of Sirius and Remus as well as their daily quarrels. If her relationship with James was relatively balanced, their friends' was explosive. Sirius' passionate and go-getter attitude clashed with Remus' cold and passive temperament, causing numerous and increasingly heated arguments. Lily, in addition to being the unwilling spectator to their fights, was then obliged to listen to their misfortunes in turn. Sometimes, she even went as far as playing the role of carrier pigeon when the couple refused to speak directly to each other. It was a grueling situation that gradually demolished her mental state until she found solace in Peter's presence. Peter found her in tears on the living room floor after a drunken party. Lily had broken down that day and revealed everything to him in long, alcohol-soaked speeches, leaving Peter himself, speechless.
Since that evening, the last marauder had become her confidant. However, Lily did not intend to tell him what she was about to do because it was going beyond all limits.
She pulled out one of her own hairs and dropped it into the flask. The potion warmed between her fingers before taking on an indigo hue. Lily hesitated one last time before finally bringing it to her lips. The effect was nearly instantaneous. Lily felt as if she was burning from the inside out as her stomach contracted in violent spasms. Completely overwhelmed by the pain, she almost spilled the rest of the potion and had to hurry to close the cap before putting the bottle on the sink. A sudden nausea overtook her and she rushed to the shower where she painfully spit out bile. It was terrible. Archie told her she had to refrain from vomiting.
Lily slumped awkwardly in the stall and let her head rest on the cold tile. Her vision was blurry and she was now having trouble breathing. She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate so she wouldn't vomit. Her skin was covered with sticky sweat and Lily had no choice but to remain prostrate in a corner of the shower. The transformation was painful, much more than the one caused by polyjuice potion. Lily felt her bones grow and her limbs lengthen. Her face was transforming with sinister creaks and her sex burned horribly for what felt like an eternity.
She did not recover until much later. Her temples were buzzing and her vision had become blurred. She had a hard time getting out of the shower to lean against the bathroom sink. The top of her skull bumped into the shelves and she yelped in pain. Damn. She must have gained at least eight inches. Usually she could only reach them by raising her hand.
After vigorously rubbing her eyes, Lily looked at the mirror. What she saw left her speechless. Instead of her usual reflection, she was facing a young man. He was over 6 feet tall with a triangular face and angular cheekbones covered with freckles. A tuft of red hair framed the top of his head and fell in a thick fringe over his green eyes. His torso was long and pale with a narrow waist. His arms were wiry, with bony wrists, and his long fingers seemed to be made for playing piano.
"What the hell have you done, Lily?"
The sound of her own voice, which had become several registers lower and slightly hoarse, startled her.
This time she had definitely crossed the line and nothing could stop her.