Crazy Girls
Chapter sixty-nine (nice): The Wonders of Pants
Kagome: *kicks Sango's front door open* Hey bitch! Look at these fucking epic pants I just bought!
Narrator (Fire): Now, I'm just imagining her in a pair of blood red like cargo pants or some shit, with a crazy straw in one of the pockets and it goes from her pocket, up her body, goes around her eyes like glasses, and then to her mouth.
Sango: *startled and nearly drops her hot cocoa* the fuck?
Kagome: These pants are goddamn incredible! You can put liquid in the pockets and it stays that way! *shoves her crazy straw back in her mouth and takes a long sip of something in her pockets*
Sango: *currently not wearing pants because she was home alone*
Sango: so...what's in your pockets?
Kagome: Booze. And here! *chucks a pink bundle at her* I bought you a pair too!
Sango: *hesitantly unravels them* alright...thanks…
Kagome: You're welcome! Now I didn't know what you wanted put in them, so I didn't put anything in the pock- *gets cut off*
Miroku: *excitedly throws the door open* My love, look at these amazing pants that I just got today! You can put actual liquid in the pockets- *sees Kagome standing in the living room, wearing a blood red pair of the exact same pants, a long crazy straw in her pocket as she drinks* What's in yours?
Sango: *looks back and forth between them* are you two...agreeing on something?
Kagome: Maybe? And I have alcohol in my pockets.
Miroku: *nodding to himself* Ah, of course
Yashie: *bursts through the door in the same pants, red like Kagome's, and the smell of beef ramen follows him* Kagome! Did ya see these amazing- *sees Kagome and her pants and her crazy straw and smells the booze on her*
Yashie, deflated a bit: Oh. You have.
Sango: the fuck?! *pinches her nose* Jesus Christ
Kagome: Yashie, can't you eat your pants ramen outside?
Shippo: *wanders in with a pair of blue pants on with a large straw in his pockets* Hi! Dad got me these pants and I put chocolate milk in the pockets!
Miroku, deflated: Has everyone else heard of these pants before I did?
Kagome: I'd say so
Sango: it's okay, babe, I hadn't
Kirara: *climbs in the living room window wearing a pair of glittery pants* Sup bitches? I got these dope ass pants today and the pockets are like, liquid retaining! Guess what I put in my pockets?
Sango: that's a uh...pretty thick straw you got there…
Kirara, grinning deviously: Yep, I've got a heavy load in here.
Kagome: *confused face as she spits out her booze on Miroku*
Miroku, clenching his eyes: Kagome, we talked about this
Kagome: We did? I just heard you saying stuff and I started playing Homicide in my mind
Sango: and they were finally getting along…
Kagome: Blame Kirara! I did nothing!
Sango: Kirara, who the fuck did you milk for that milkshake?
Yashie, partially under his breath: You sure did nothing last night…
Kagome: *turns to him, eyes turning into portals to hell* What was that?
Kirara: *grinning like the Cheshire cat* It's not a milkshake
Miroku: Then that IS it? *wipes his face off*
Kirara: Sweet nectar
Sango: oh I know what it is. I just want to know who the sick fuck is who's letting you drink their juices
Kagome: *accidentally spits alcohol on Yashie this time in her shock*
Miroku: Sweet...Oh no
Kirara: *smirking* I may have found someone back during Aiko's baptism after party. Ya know, before all the murder. Or was it during the murder?
Kagome: *yanks a knife out of her other pocket* YOU HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE DURING MY DAUGHTER'S BAPTISM AFTER PARTY?! I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU! *chases Kirara around the room screaming about sluts and homicide*
Sango: CAN YOU TWO TAKE THAT OUTSIDE, PLEASE?!
Kagome: *doesn't respond but chases Kirara out into the backyard through the window*
Sango: THANK YOU *puts on the new pants right in front of everyone and pours her hot cocoa into a pocket*
Miroku: *nosebleed*
Rin: *kicks down the door with a wide grin* GUYS! I FOUND THESE PANTS ON THE CORPSE OF SOMEONE I KILLED AND I COULD FILL THEIR BLOOD INTO THE POCKETS AND THEY DIDN'T LEAK! ISN'T THAT FUCKING INCREDIBLE?!
Sango: *making another batch of cocoa to put in her pants* WE BEEN KNEW
Miroku: *sticks his hand in his pocket and pulls out a handful of Goldfish crackers*
Sango: I was wondering what was in yours! That's clever!
Sango: ooh I have an idea! *fills her empty pocket with whipped cream*
Kagome: *stalks in the front door covered in blood and still drinking alcohol from her pockets* So Kirara saw your neighbor again and went after him to get his pants surprise I guess
Sango: *mouth full of whipped cream* jesus
Kagome: So who's the lucky guy? *gestures to Sango's full mouth*
Miroku: *pauses in horror, staring at the floor*
Sango: *glares at Kagome but then just puts more whipped cream in her mouth*
Rin: *sniffs the air experimentally and then gasps happily* I SMELL SOMEONE TO KILL! *races out of Sango's house at warp speed*
Sango: shit, I think I overloaded my pants…
Sango's pants: *hot cocoa spilling out over the sides*
Miroku: *watches as hot chocolate slides out of her pockets onto the floors* Aw damnit!
Sango: *shrugs* guess I'll have to take them off. Miroku, come with?
Miroku: happily! *follows her upstairs*
Narrator: And the sound of police sirens prevail!
Kagome: Well, I shoulda seen that coming. Yashie, I think it's time to go home? *grabs Shippo and walks out, shutting Sango's door behind them*