Narrator: On the bustling city streets of Paris, a swirling portal made of unidentifiable substances (again, one that looks shockingly close to Jaken's blood) appears. Civilians panic and flee from the area, certain their deaths are upon them.
Narrator: On second thought, perhaps not.
Miroku: *tumbles out headfirst and lands, narrowly avoiding scraping open his chin* Ouchie!
Sango: *manages a somersault to reduce the chance of injuries...it's more graceful than her husband, anyway* Kagome should really work on the landings…
Sango: *looks back at the portal* that's way too high up
Miroku: *rubbing his head and glancing up* You said it. But we're here, right? At least she didn't send us to some demented hellscape only she could create.
Sango: *looks around* yeah, this is nice...AND it's away from everyone else
Sango: *stands up and brushes herself off, then offers a hand to her husband*
Miroku: And I'm immensely grateful for that *accepts her hand*
Miroku: So, where to? We could head to the Eiffel Tower, now that no psychopath is giving the incredibly, explicitly-implied threat of throwing me off it.
Sango: *spots a rat in the corner of her eye scurrying across the pavement* yeah let's do that. The touristy things are the best part
Miroku: Awesome! *picks her up bridal style and runs all the way to the Eiffel Tower*
Sango: damnit Miroku- wait, sorry, forgot we were married for a second. Onward!
Narrator: Upon arriving, Miroku proceeds to flash an almost obscene amount of money to the worker monitoring the structure and is immediately escorted up to as far on the tower as possible.
Sango: don't go flashing that around! We could get robbed!
Miroku: No one would dare rob us, my dear. You're too powerful and fearsome to ever let any petty thief steal from us.
Sango: well thank you for recognizing my strength, darling
Sango: *suddenly taps Miroku's shoulder and points to a woman a few feet away; whispers* look! It's Kagome!
Miroku: *looks* OH MY-wait, that's not Kagome, love
Sango: yes it is! *looks again* oh…it isn't. I guess I'm just paranoid that we'll run into a parallel version of Kagome again
Miroku: Understandable. Let's..uhhh…just ignore that *turns around at the sound of a tourist near him, only to see Kagome's face*
Miroku: *gapes, wipes his eyes and blinks* By Mushin's best sake,,,I could've sworn I just saw her again.
Sango: *notices another Kagome that also turns out to be a stranger* it's happening all over…
Miroku: By Talos this can't be happening
Sango: maybe it's some kind of side effect from her portal magic?
Miroku: I mean,,,she is slightly insane
Sango: she claimed to have perfected it, but maybe she wouldn't have even noticed something like this
Miroku: Maybe that trip to the zoo last month really did do something to her…?
Sango: why did we trust her going to the zoo?
Miroku: I honestly don't know, you'd think she could possibly be responsible enough, but of course not. And then you had to climb that poor giraffe to get her.
Miroku: I still remember as its tongue flew out of its mouth in panic and smacked a small child in the face, the poor dear.
Miroku: I didn't know a giraffe's tongue was black, but you learn something new everyday.
Sango: *shudders* whatever. Let's just try to enjoy our honeymoon…
Miroku: Yes, let's. Hopefully nothing else will go wrong…
Sango: *smacks him lightly in the chest with the back of her hand* don't say that! You're gonna jinx it
Miroku: Ow! *rubs his sore chest* Did I ever tell you how strong you are?
Sango: did I ever tell you…you're a wimp *kisses him on the cheek and continues forward*
Miroku: *staring at her* No, that never came up in our relationship other than threats to remove my manhood….
Sango: your "manhood?" What are you, a touch-starved romance novelist who's running out of words? *grabs his hand* Come on, let's just enjoy the view
Miroku: I think I might've suffered one too many blows to the head… *follows her as she basically drags him around the tower floor*
Narrator: No matter where the couple goes, they see Kagome's face on every stranger. It eventually fades to the person's actual face, but it's enough to unnerve both of them.
Sango: I'm so sick of this Kagome shit
Miroku: Perhaps you could injure her when we get back
Sango: please don't, I'm seriously tempted
Miroku: Okay then, hmm…Why don't we make it a game? Whoever can find the Kagome wearing the funniest outfit wins
Sango: I like the way you think, monk…you're on
Miroku: Why thank you, my lovely wife.
Narrator: The newlyweds spend the next few minutes trying to beat the other, finding Kagome look-a-likes in increasingly stranger outfits.
Miroku: One point for me! *gleefully smiles as he sees another person whose face fades from Kagome's to their own wearing a Chucky costume*
Sango: what the fuck? Okay… *glances over the edge of the deck and spots someone in a playboy-style pinup costume who appears first with the face of Kagome*
Miroku: pffft, that's just something Kagome would wear on a regular Tuesday
Sango: *squints at the person in thought as their face slowly changes to reveal their appearance, which strikingly resembles Nicholas Cage*
Miroku: Holy-!
Miroku: *wide-eyed as he takes in the sight of someone, again with Kagome's face upon first look, wearing a bikini top and a pair of small string bottoms in the colors of Disney's Snow White's costume walking by*
Sango: you look quite stunned *spots the same person* and that's just what Kagome would wear on Wednesday
Sango: *spots a person walk past the slutty princess who has no shirt on and abnormally long flowy pants" Okay, that person is either wearing stilts or is some kind of…leg demon
Miroku: What in Mushin's tarnished name is going on here? *spots someone else, this time dressed as Edward Scissorhands but instead of scissors, it's fully erect penises* Great googly moogly!
Sango: maybe we picked the wrong spot to honeymoon in… *sees a mime wearing lingerie with their entire body painted white, and, to top it off, Kagome's face* what the fuck is that…I'm not sure which one of us wins here
Miroku: Uhh…I think I win *points uneasily to someone, once again with Kagome's face initially, wearing a clown costume that's stained with something red, walking barefoot on the deck floor, grinning eerily at everyone*
Sango: hey maybe we should head to the hotel now
Miroku: Yes, please! *takes her hand and runs to the elevator*
Narrator: everywhere they turn are more Kagome faces, and as the post-lunch crowd fills the tourist attraction, the newlyweds can't seem to get out fast enough for their own sanities
Miroku: Asking Kagome to be our "travel agent" was obviously a very bad idea! *shrieks as he tries to avoid someone else with her face*
Sango: *repeating under her breath* they aren't real Kagomes, they aren't real Kagomes, they aren't real Kagomes, they aren't real Kagomes
Miroku: *whimpers as they just keep running into more Kagome look-alikes* I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this
Sango: where is the hotel, anyway?
Miroku: ...
Miroku: *literally on the fucking verge of a mental breakdown*
Sango: *hails a cab, trying to ignore the driver's face* hi, can you take us to the…hotel
The cabbie: *in French* Where is this…hotel?
Sango: *to Miroku* do you know what it's called?
Miroku: ...No
Sango: *in French* ah…the…hotel
Cabbie: Which hotel, broad?
Miroku: Whoa whoa, my good sir, no need to use such crass language
Sango: *in angry French* what did you just call me?
Cabbie: Want me to call you a bitch?
Miroku: *uncharacteristically punches the man in the face*
Sango: *startled* well…I was gonna do that myself, but damn, that was kinda hot
Miroku: I might as well drive us myself…I think I caught a glimpse of the hotel name when Kagome - the real one - was cackling madly to herself.
Sango: you're gonna steal a car? What has gotten into you
Miroku: I'm thinking something about this portal is affecting my personality… *opens the driver door and gently tosses the cabbie out before climbing into the seat himself*
Sango: *climbs into the passenger seat* yeah, this seems more on-brand for our honeymoon