Chapter 79: You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family

'Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.'

Am flashed the light into the dark entry point of the base. He looked around warily and sighed,'Now tell me why we're here again? This better be worth the grounding. Mom's gonna be pissed when she finds out we left. Joel and Becca too.'

'I'm aware of that.' She rolled her eyes,'I came here because this where my real mom and dad took those photos. I recognize the base. You didn't have to come, ya know.'

'Maybe I wanted to.' Am smirked,'We can't let you have all the fun now can we? What are you expecting to find anyway?'

Ellie cautiously stepped inside the entryway as Am followed behind her,'I don't know, but Becca and Maria were brought here. This is where Tess had her main base with the Peacekeepers. This is where they all were last I heard.'

Am's eyes widened as he aimed his flashlight around,'Didn't Becca kill Tess like a badass?'

'Among other things.' She shook her head and sighed,'Tess was a psycho bitch who deserved everything she got.'

Am snorted as they walked further into the base,'Wasn't Tess Joel's girlfriend? That man gets around.'

'I know right?' She smirked,'He gets more chicks than I do and he's almost sixty.'

They laughed as they looked around, finding nothing but abandoned armored trucks and military convoys. They found skeletons of Peacekeepers killed in the shootout to rescue Becca and Maria. They found the charred remains of the others along with various clothing. Dried blood was on the ground and the heavy stench of death permeated in the air.

They stood in front of the entrance to the building. They took out their weapons, knowing they needed to be prepared for anything. They were close to the Capital, which meant there very well could be clickers afoot. They would need to proceed with caution.

Ellie stick her flashlight in her mouth as she took out the map of the base in her bag. She aimed the flashlight on it as she studied the map.

Am looked over her shoulder as she pointed to a star on the map,'We're here.' She dragged her finger up a long line that ended to a room,'We need to be here.'

'What's here?' Am stared at the room on the map warily, his eyes widening when he saw the bold letters,'Labs? What the fuck do they need labs for in a military base?'

Ellie pursed her lips and shook her head,'Joel said this was used as a research facility for the Fireflies at one point. When they disbanded and created The Peacekeepers, Francis used this as his main hub at one point. When Joel and Tommy came here they found kids. Sharon said she was taking them and make sure they were being taken care of. Katie and Joshua. You remember them?' He nodded and she frowned,'I'm sure you know what happened to them.'

'Damn.' Am shook his head as he stared down the dark hallway,'I have a bad feeling about this place.'

Ellie didn't say anything as she cocked her rifle,'Stay close to me.' She grinned back at him,'You can't shoot for shit and I can't get infected if I get bit.'

Am glared at her back as he cocked his own rifle,'Joel's been teaching me. I've been getting better. We can't all be psychos like you.'

Ellie cackled as they walked down the dark hallway. They looked for light switches, but tried to switch them on and nothing worked. Someone must've cut the power source. She hoped they weren't still here.

They stayed close together as they ventured down the long dark hallway. They hoped their flashlights wouldn't die out. They didn't make a sound as they closely listened for anything that resembled a clicker or something close to it.

They thought they heard a sound and they both froze in place. Ellie placed her hand on Am's back to reassure him. They both jumped when they saw a rat across the hallway. They both breathed a sigh of relief and laughed it off.

They slowly continued their way down the hallway. They reached the end of the corridor and found themselves in front of a door.

Ellie looked back at him and smirked, whispering,'The labs.' She turned the knob and snorted when the door opened,'Amateurs. You never leave the Big Bad Science door opened.'

Am's eyes widened at her whole indifference towards the situation. She truly was a psycho. Yet, he followed her anyway. What are friends for? Possibly getting killed and maimed he supposed.

Against his better judgment, he followed her into the lab room.

They flashed their lights along the surfaces as they stared around in amazement. This was like the tunnels. Only more…barbaric. They pulled the scarves over their faces to cover the stench of decaying flesh and fresh blood.

She shook her head confusingly. They all seemed to be dead. How could she smell fresh blood?

Am flashed his light onto a limbless torso hanging from a meat hook. It's black eyes seemed to be staring back at him. It's head looked like a blooming flower as ir deformed it's features. He grimaced and took a step back.

It unnerved him. This wasn't science. It was depravity. They used human beings as their lab rats. They've been doing it even before the outbreak. It predated even Francis's work.

Rumors started it began in World War Two. It's believed Nazis had been using people in the prison camp for experiments. Genocide is genocide is genocide. They killed their own people to propagate their foolish ideas.

Ellie was shoving files into her bag as Am turned around to look at her. He didn't notice the torso squirming behind him.

Ellie's eyes widened slightly as she stared over his shoulder. She licked her suddenly dry lips as the torso began squirming. It's eyes bulged out and the infected lunged at Am wanting to take a bite out of him.

Ellie narrowed her eyes and lifted up her rifle. Just like Joel taught her; she aimed for the head. Am ducked as Ellie shot it again.

Am's eyes widened as he saw the other torsos begin to squirm,'Uh…El. We should probably fucking leave.' He heard the rattle of the door beyond begin to shake violently. He stared at her as they heard the telltale clicks,'Like now!'

Ellie nodded and began hurriedly shoving more files into her bag. The door began to break as a deformed hand slid in between the cracks.

Am bounced nervously as he watched the door,'Come on, El! We don't have time for this.'

'Just one second!' She looked around as she shoved a couple more files into her bag, knowing this would be the only chance she would ever do so. If the clickers didn't kill her Joel surely would.

Am bent down and grabbed her arm, practically dragging her out of the room,'Come on! Let's go! I don't want to die a fucking virgin!'

Ellie reluctantly ran out of the room as they heard the door breaking open. They looked back just a second to catch a glimpse of them. They didn't know how many there were, but there seemed to be a decent amount of them. They didn't have enough bullets to kill them. Am would never make it. Neither would she if she were being honest.

They slammed the door behind them shut as they made a break for it. They ran as fast as they could down the hallway, huffing and puffing along the way, but they kept on. They heard the door seem to ricochet opened as the clickers burst through it. They ran towards the fresh meat.

Ellie turned back and began shooting at whatever she could. She kept her back pressed against Am's he guided her. She's never ran so fast in her life

They finally reached the exit and reached the yard. Their eyes widened when they saw the large group of men on horseback. She frowned when she saw Joel and Kevin leading the charge.

Joel had a murderous look on his face as he glared at her. A chill ran through her. He's never looked at her like that before. She almost wanted to try her luck with the clickers. Almost.

Joel halted his horse and hopped off it. He shook his head as stormed over to her. He gritted his teeth and narrowed his eyes at her, shaking his head as he muttered something to himself.

Him and the rest of the guys easily handled the clickers. Joel snorted as he stared up at the sky. So much for fucking wanting peace and quiet in his life. He's forgotten what it was like to have a defiant teenaged daughter running wild. He would have to deal with Mateo as a teenager. He hoped to God he wasn't like him. He gave his mama so much grief.

Ellie kicked her feet in the dirt as she raised her eyes up to look at him. She wiggled her fingers and gave him a small smile,'Hi.'

Joel snorted and cocked his head to the side, placing his hands on his hips,'Hi yourself.' He averted his eyes between her and Am,'What were the two of ya thinking running out here like this? This place is restricted for a fucking reason. It's right in the heart of the capital, Ellie!' He took a deep breath,'You have Becca worried sick.' He pointed at Am sternly,'You young man better get ready cause your mamas about to whoop your ass right after she kisses and feeds ya.'

Am snorted and crossed his arms over his chest,'I would expect nothing less.'

Joel snorted as he looked over his face,'I didn't think ya had the balls to come all the way out here. No offense.'

Am lifted his hands up and shook his head,'None taken. I don't have the balls for this.' He shrugged,'Someone needed to be the brains of this operation.'

Ellie scoffed and punched his shoulder,'Fuck you, asshole.'

Joel squeezed the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, sighing deeply,'Knock your shit off and get on your horses. Now.'

The tone in his voice left no room for discussion. They both guiltily bowed their heads as they walked over to their horses.

Kevin chuckled as he walked up beside him,'They're just exploring and getting into the kind of trouble teenagers do.'

Joel narrowed his eyes and sighed as he stared up at the compound,'The kind of trouble she's looking for can get her killed.' He patted his back and sighed,'Come on. Let's get on home.'

Kevin nodded as he followed along with Joel. He looked up to the older man. He knew his shit when it came to combat and weaponry. He could do with the best of them. Even at his age.

Tommy used to regale takes over beers of his legendary older brother. How he knocked out six guys all by himself. He was considered one of the best shooters in the Fireflies. His aim impeccable. He was as close to a gunslinger as there ever was one.

Kevin learned what he could from him. He was sort of a mentor to him. He needed all the help he could get as Sheriff.

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Becca was upstairs putting Mateo down for bed in his nursery. Her hands were shaky. The baby was fussy tonight. He could sense her nerves and anxiety. She's learned babies were very attuned to emotions. Maybe it's because it's her baby.

She heard Betsy shouting out to her,'They're here! Our babies are okay!'

Her eyes widened as she heard Betsy open the front door and run outside. She made sure Mateo was settled and gave him a kiss to his sleeping face,'Your sister's gonna be the death of me.'

She sighed as she walked out of the nursery and kept the door open. Her heart was racing as she walked down the stairs. She was also angry Ellie went behind their backs. She should've discussed things with them first. They thought they always had a very open and honest relationship. No bullshit.

They felt betrayed and angry. She could've gotten herself killed. She could've selfishly risked them all over again. They refused to have the cyclical of war continue. It ended with them. They fought too hard just to have to do it all over again.

Becca walked out onto the porch and slammed the door behind her. She crossed her arms over her chest as she stood at the top of the steps. She would not air her business out in front of strangers. They would discuss this in the privacy of their own home as a family.

She would show her displeasure towards the situation. She couldn't hide her anger and disappointment. She felt hurt.

Joel climbed off his horse and walked up to her. He kissed her temple, whispering,'Fucking over fifty goddamned clickers we killed, Becca.' His lips were still pressed against her temple in indiscretion, his hand on her hip as he whispered,'If we weren't there they would've killed her. Immune or fuckin not.'

She looked up at him and saw the tears in his eyes. He didn't seem angry anymore. Just sad and afraid. When he saw all the clickers, he thought he was going to lose her like he did Sarah.

She looked over at Ellie. She saw eve hurt and regret on her face. She quickly glanced up at her, but quickly lowered her eyes again. This was something they needed to rehash out alone together.

She saw Betsy hugging and kissing Am. She held his face in her hands as she kissed his cheeks. Her face turned quickly as she began shouting at him in Spanish and slapping his chest. He managed to get her on the horse and hopped on in front of her.

He frowned and looked over at Ellie, waving,'Bye. See ya in two weeks.'

Betsy snorted and slapped the back of his head,'I might not even let you out the whole summer.'

Ellie sighed as a sullen Am and an angry Betsy headed down the trail. If that was true than this was going to be a lonely summer. She had no one to blame but herself.

Becca stared at Ellie as she comfortingly squeezed Joel's arm. He knew seeing that at the base triggered his anxiety. He couldn't have a panic attack. Ellie should've known better.

Becca sighed and shook her head,'In the house. Now.'

Ellie knew she was talking to her. She nodded, whispering,'Yes, mame.'

She ran up the steps and into the house with Becca and Joel walking behind her. She took his hand and tangled their fingers together, letting him know they were a team. She had his back on this one.

Joel locked and closed the door behind them. Becca unlocked their hands and walked over to Ellie. She held her face in her hands as she inspected her face. As a nurse she wanted to make sure she didn't have any critical wounds. As a mother she wanted to make sure her child wasn't injured.

She ran her hands down her body checked her for any injuries,'Are you hurt?'

'No' Ellie shook her head and gave her a small smile,'Not at all. See everything's fine.'

Becca's eyes widened at her nonchalant attitude about it,Everything isn't fine, El. You could've gotten yourself killed or kidnapped. We still don't know if anyone else is out there. You should've talked to us first. You can't go running to an infected city gallivanting around with your pal looking for your long lost father. This isn't some story in a comic book. These are lives you're playing with. Your life.'

Joel stood behind his wife, but didn't interject. He would support her if needed to, but she seemed to be handling it for herself. There were some things he needed to say too, but for the right now his wife had the floor.

Ellie nodded and laughed,'You're right. It's my life. I'm old enough to do what I want.'

'Oh really?' Becca snorted as she turned to Joel,'Then why did this man had to come save you? You went out into the wild with just one rifle? What the hell did you think? You're immune so that makes you invincible?' She sighed and nodded,'You're old enough to do what you want, but you live under our roof. Our rules. We don't ask much. Only that you're upfront. For that, you're getting a month stuck with morning chores and cleaning out the stables. You also can't leave the farm for a week. You're stuck with me and Mateo, girlfriend. Be ready for diaper duty.'

Ellie rolled her eyes and scoffed,'You're being a bitch.'

'Hey.' Joel's voids boomed as he gave her a stern glare. He stepped forward, his body almost rim-rod straight as he controlled his anger,'Don't you dare speak to her that way again. Do you understand me?'

Ellie pursed her lips and crossed her arms over her chest,'They had bodies without limbs that could move on their own. They looked so fucking weird. I've never seen anything like it. Neither has Am.' She shrugged,'I went to the base cause I recognized it in some of my moms photos with her boyfriend. The married Firefly doctor.'

Joel frowned and shook his head,'You should've discussed it with us first.' He snorted,'Ya shoulda brought anyone but Am. Smart as a whip but shit at aiming.' He schooled his features and narrowed his eyes,'You think you're so grown, but ya still need daddy to come save ya.'

Joel knew it was low, but she scared the fuck outta him tonight. They always knew how to push each other's buttons. How best to hurt each other.

Ellie crossed her arms over her chest and scoffed, narrowing her eyes right back at him,'Fuck you. You ain't my daddy.'

Joel felt himself physically stumble back at her words. They were like a punch to the gut. He couldn't respond to the truth.

Becca's eyes widened in astonishment and she gently grabbed her arm,'You apologize, young lady.'

Ellie sighed and rolled her eyes,'Whatever.'

The teenager ran out of the living room and stomped up the stairs. She slammed the door behind her, causing Mateo to start crying loudly.

Becca sighed as she looked back at her husband. He had tears in his eyes as he walked over to the couch, putting his head in his hands. She wished she could console him, but she had a very loud baby wailing and an angry teenager in the next room. She always wanted motherhood.

Be careful what you wish for.

Becca walked up the stairs and left her husband alone with himself. She hoped he held on before she returned. He had a habit of getting himself into trouble when agitated.

Joel slid his hat off and shaky hands through his hair. Her words breathed like fire sliding so easily from her tongue. Ellie had become a woman before his eyes who held her own opinions and wasn't afraid to live her truth. He forgot how to handle a teenage girl.

He certainly didn't know how to handle a young woman. He wondered what made her a woman first. Loss or war?

Becca managed to get Mateo back down easily. He usually fell back to sleep once consoled. She thought about going into Ellie's room, but she knew it would only make it worse. She trusted Ellie wasn't going anywhere again. She learned her lesson.

She walked downstairs and sighed in relief when she saw him still sitting in the living room on the couch. His jacket, hat and flannel were off. He was down to a white t shirt and jeans. She smirked at the boots by the door. Ever the southern gentleman.

She walked over to him and slowly sat down in his lap. He leaned back against the couch to spread his legs and give her more room. His eyes roved over her body in the thin summer dress. He placed his hands on her waist as her ass plopped down on his thighs, making his heart and cock ache.

He bit his bottom lip. Fuck, she was a good distraction. She made everything better. Or worse judging by the way his body was responding to her.

She ran her hands through his hair and sighed softly,'You know she didn't mean it right? She's a teenage girl.' She snorted,'She's gonna say even worse shit. At least she didn't say she hates us. I used to say that to my parents.'

'Sarah never said that to me.' He shrugged,'Maybe cause I was both.' Tears filled his eyes as he shook his head sadly,'When I came onto the base and saw them clickers after Sarah. All I could think about was I couldn't let her die while I watched.' He bowed his head, whispering shakily,'Fuck, but it was like watching it all over again.'

Her heart ached for him as she wrapped her arms around him tightly, knowing it's what he needed the most. She winced slightly at how tightly he held her, but she didn't dare tell him to stop. He knew he needed this tangible connection to know he was alive again. He leaned back and held his face in her hands.

He pressed his forehead against hers, whispering,'I was a damned good daddy to Sarah and William. The best I coulda been for them. They still had to die.' He winced as tears fell from his eyes,'I know Ellie ain't my real kid, but she mine as well be.' He shook his head,'I don't feel any difference between her and Mateo.'

'It's because you shouldn't.' She shrugged,'Ellie's just angry. She'll stew about it for a few days and go back to normal again like nothing ever happened. Things will have calmed down and we'll able to talk to her then.' She sighed as she looked over his face,'While I don't understand the pain of why you've been through. I'm gonna love you throughout it all. Okay?' She kissed his forehead, whispering,'You're my husband and I love you. We'll get through this together. Whatever you'll need. I'll be here.'

He smiled tearfully as his eyes roved over her face. He stroked her cheeks and swallowed harshly,'What I need is what I got right here. El's back and safe.' He nodded,'That's what counts.' He took her hands and kissed her knuckles,'I know I don't always do a good job of showing it, but I love ya too, wife. More than you'll ever know.' He nodded,'Glad I got a gal like you in my corner.'

She smiled softly and wrapped her arms around his neck,'You do the same for me.' She grinned as she kissed his lips,'We have each others back. We wouldn't have a good marriage if we didn't.'

He placed his hands on her lower back and pressed her closer to him. He knew she wouldn't be comfortable fucking on the couch with the children upstairs. She was still reserved in some aspects.

Besides, he wasn't looking for sex right now anyway. He's had plenty of that to last a lifetime. What Becca gave him is something no other woman ever could. Comfort. He trusted her enough to let his guard down with her and show his vulnerability.

He buried his face in her neck and cried softly. His body became rack with sobs as she held him tightly, desperately trying to keep her own emotions in check. She hated to see her man hurting.

PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder. It's what they called it. Witnessing Sarah and experiencing the brutalities of civil wars, raiding, murdering and robbing taking its toll on him. Witnessing the death of his daughter ravaged him mentally. He almost committed suicide because of it. He became a different man.

She refused to let him recede back into the darkness. She would hold him all night if she had to. She gently rocked him as he cried for Sarah, William and Tommy. He finally let himself grieve the loss of his brother. He always took care of others before himself. He needed to stop doing that all the time. It could wear a man down.

Tomorrow would be another day to conquer. They've always managed to weather the storms together as a family.