The Kraken and the Lion
Chapter 29
by Technomad
Tyrion Lannister
Tyrion made a point to be on the scene when his recalcitrant sister was finally dragged back to Kings Landing. He was up on the battlements of the Red Keep, eagerly looking down the road to the west, awaiting the sight of the caravan that would be escorting his dear sister. Of course, he thought, Cersei would want a wheelhouse! The thought of saddle-pounding her precious pink arse across half of Westeros would send her into an even bigger snit than the one she's almost certainly in now! And he knew that coming by sea the way he and Asha had traveled would never cross her mind.
He knew that his sister liked her comforts. A lot. One of the reasons he was so eager to see her wed Euron Crows-Eye was that he knew, from listening to Asha's stories as well as talking to her ironborn retainers, that life in the Iron Islands was by no means luxurious, even for high nobility. The Islands were poor and bleak, with an unpleasant, damp, cold climate. With winter coming, it would be even worse for them than for most of Westeros. Absently, Tyrion wondered if the ironborn had managed to keep enough food stored up to keep them alive till spring came, and what they planned to do about it if they hadn't.
Silently, Tyrion cursed everybody who had managed to set off the War of Five Kings. Ned Stark, for his foolish, naïve sense of honor. His late brother-in-law, King Robert, for letting the drink get to him to the point that slipping him strongwine before a dangerous boar hunt was child's play, as well as for being stupid enough not to realize that he was in no shape to be hunting. His nephew, King Joffrey, for his erratic tyranny. Had he kept Ned Stark alive and in honorable confinement, Tyrion thought that the North might well not have risen, and the war might not have broken out. Cersei, of course, for having so mishandled and ruined both her marriage and her oldest son's upbringing. Why didn't they foster the boy out with a family of suitable rank, the way most noble youngsters are? Tyrion asked himself.
Tyrion thought that if Joffrey had been raised outside of his mother's poisonous influence, he might not have turned out to be such an awful human being. Raised at Casterly Rock, under the firm hand of his grandfather, he might have become a pretty decent boy, and grown into a king that at least was not the second coming of Mad Aerys. Or, if Tywin was too busy being Hand of the King and Lord of the Westerlands to take on the responsibility, there were plenty of other possibilities.
In Winterfell, Joffrey would have been under the influence of Ned Stark. And his wife. But however much he, Tyrion, personally loathed Catelyn Stark, he had to admit that she apparently hadn't done a bad job raising her own brood. She probably would not have countenanced Joffrey's more outlandish behavior for one second. And Joff would have grown up with other children of his own rank and age about, which would have done him nothing but good. Tyrion thought that part of Joffrey's problems was just that he was lonely and didn't even realize it. He had grown up mainly around adults, and had had his mother running interference for him to shield him from the consequences of his actions where his rank would or could not. Having other children around, and receiving reasonable discipline and attention, would have made a huge difference, Tyrion thought. He made a mental note to make sure that his and Asha's beautiful twins were raised with other children to interact with. He would do anything to ensure that they grew up happy, healthy and well-adjusted. Unlike Joffrey, and his mother.
Off in the distance, far down the road, Tyrion could see a gleam of sunlight reflecting off a helmet or a spearhead. Something was coming, and as it came closer, it was clearer and clearer that it was the long-awaited caravan containing the Queen Dowager. The wheelhouse that she had to be riding in was rolling along over the rough roads, surrounded on all sides by horsemen in armor bearing Lannister and Baratheon colors.
Tyrion smiled to himself. His father had picked those men personally, choosing men whom he was sure that Cersei couldn't overawe with her rank or frighten with one of her tantrums. The men who had gone were veterans of the wars, one and all, and had been specifically cautioned by Tywin that while his daughter was to be treated with "the courtesy due her rank and noble birth," she was not to give orders on anything more substantive than what she wanted for breakfast.
As the caravan rolled into the Red Keep, Tyrion waddled down from his vantage point to where it would stop. He knew which courtyard they would be using, and he knew he could get there in time to meet them. He wanted to be there, to welcome his sweet, sweet sister back to her longtime home. If nothing else, the expression on her face would be well worth watching. And he knew that Asha would be there, too. One thing that they agreed on was that his sister was uniquely detestable.
Asha Greyjoy Lannister
By the time the wheelhouse came to a stop in the inner courtyard, Asha was waiting for it, and she smiled to see her husband coming up to stand by her side. He raised his hand to hers, and they held hands, as the door of the wheelhouse opened and the soldiers set up a small staircase, to make it easier for Cersei and her maids to disembark without the risk of getting tangled up in their skirts and falling.
When Cersei deigned to appear, she looked travel-worn and tired, to Asha's eye. She glanced bitterly around the courtyard, noting the ranks of soldiers drawn up, ostensibly to honor her status. She clearly knew that they were there to keep her under control. Then her eyes lit on Asha and Tyrion.
"Well. Come to gloat? This was your idea, wasn't it?" Her voice was bitter, and hoarse. Asha thought she sounded like she'd been screaming her lungs out for some time. A nasty part of her mind wished that she had been able to hear her good-sister's howling. While beating the stuffing out of Cersei hadn't been as satisfying as she had anticipated, Asha still despised the woman from the bottom of her heart. Partly for her all-but-open disloyalty to her husband, partly for having, in Asha's view, ruined her oldest son, and partly for being a spoiled, arrogant, sadistic bitch whom Asha thought would have been much improved had her father turned her over his knee and thrashed her senseless before she became such a poisonous viper.
"No, sweet sister, this match was not our idea at all," Tyrion assured her, coming forward to give his sister the ceremonial kiss on the cheek. Cersei submitted to the caress, although from her expression, she'd rather have bitten Tyrion's nose off. Once that formality was over, Asha stepped forward, bowing slightly as to an equal.
"I know you don't like me, or Tyrion, Cersei, but this was honestly not our idea at all. My dear nuncle appeared as if from nowhere at our twins' naming feast. We had had no idea he was anywhere in the vicinity." Cersei raised a skeptical eyebrow, but she had had enough to do with Asha, both before and after her wedding to Tyrion to know that Asha did not lie. Asha had her faults, a quick temper in particular, and Cersei was well aware of some of them, but Asha did not deliberately lie.
"I'll bet that was a surprise for you!" Cersei seemed slightly mollified now that she was reassured that this wasn't some evil plan of her hated brother and good-sister. She started walking up toward the castle, with Tyrion and Asha beside her and her guards surrounding her. "What did you do?"
"Why, we made them welcome! Do you think we have forgotten our courtesies, particularly to such high-ranking guests?" Tyrion looked completely innocent, but Asha could see the twinkle in his eyes, and she had no doubt that Cersei could see it too. However, they knew that they were being watched and evaluated every second. Varys' little birds were as busy as ever, and the Master of Whisperers was by no means above letting King Euron know about it, if they were openly disrespectful of him or planning to trick him into leaving with nothing but a handful of air to show for his troubles. Varys, as always, was playing his own game.
By then, they were inside the Red Keep's main building, and some maids showed up to show the Dowager Queen to her quarters. In front of the servants, Cersei was all graciousness, allowing herself to be led off, even though Asha could see that she wasn't pleased at not being given the royal chambers again. Hey, you're not Queen Regnant or Queen Regent any more, so you've come down in the world a bit, haven't you? Asha thought gleefully. For herself, as long as her babies were comfortable, she cared little for which chambers she and her husband were using.
Tyrion Lannister
Tyrion had been rather dreading seeing his obnoxious older sister again, but so far, things had gone relatively smoothly. Of course, it was early days yet, and he sensed that Cersei had several big strong tantrums within her, coiled and awaiting their release. Once she was safely ensconced in her quarters, he turned to his wife. "Did you notice that she didn't even inquire about our children, or ask if she could see them?"
"Typical," Asha said. Although her dark eyes flashed with anger at the snub, her voice was light, as though they were discussing nothing more important than the choice of wine for dinner that evening. "Strictly between ourselves," she went on, her voice low, "I don't want that woman near my children without trustworthy people watching every move she makes! I've heard about how she treated you as an infant. She's not above hurting babies!"
"She tries that on our two, she will find that my father's and my own forbearance has its limits," Tyrion muttered back. He was surprised to find himself shaking with rage at the thought of his hateful sister harming his babies. "She may be a Queen of some sort, but Queens have been executed before! Or maybe a long, long spell in the black cells would improve her."
Asha nodded. "Your father wouldn't stand for any such shenanigans for one second. He may not like you or think you're much of a Lannister, but he's never denied your legitimacy, and that makes your born-in-wedlock babies Lannisters in perfectly good standing. If Cersei tries to hurt them or have them hurt, your father will come down on her like a storm at sea!"
"True, but enough about unpleasant topics. Let's go find Jaime and tell him that Cersei is here." They both knew where to find the leader of the Kingsguard, and, sure enough, he was in the salle d'armes, watching several members of the Kingsguard sparring with one another. Leaning back against the wall, his critical eye not missing a single flaw in their technique, he could almost have been the arrogant, confident Jaime that Tyrion remembered. Rather to Tyrion's surprise, Brienne of Tarth was standing by him, also evaluating the practice.
At the sight of them, Jaime's eyes lit up with happiness. Jaime was the only one of their immediate family who had ever shown Tyrion any affection, and Tyrion returned that love wholeheartedly. "Brother! Good-sister!" He stepped forward to plant a kiss on Asha's cheek. To Tyrion's amusement, his wife blushed slightly at the caress. While Tyrion did not fear for Asha's fidelity, he knew that Asha did find his brother an attractive man, even if in a rather abstract way. "Are you cleared for practice yet, Asha?"
Asha shook her head regretfully. "No, Jaime. The fussbudgets think it won't really be safe till about the end of the week." She grinned an impish grin. "Once I'm back up to form, though, prepare to be surprised! And to be sparred with till you find out if you can drown in your own sweat!"
"I look forward to it!" Jaime looked around the room, noticing that the Kingsguard had stopped their practicing to see the byplay. "And I didn't say 'stop working,' now did I?" Reminded that their commander's unforgiving eye was on them, the Kingsguard went back to their practice. "Brienne, keep them at it. Now," Jaime said, once they were no longer the center of attention, "I doubt you came down here just to watch my men trying to not make fools of themselves with their weapons. Tell me. Is Cersei back?"
"Oh, she is," Tyrion nodded. "And in a rare temper. Judging by how hoarse she was, I would say she was screaming herself sick all the way from Lannisport." He shook his head sadly. "I'd stay away from her till she has a chance to calm down."
As Tyrion had known it would, this galvanized Jaime into action. "I'll go and see her now. I can calm her down. I know how to handle her." As he left, he told Brienne: "Keep them practicing. Have them change partners, and weapons, every few minutes. I don't want them only able to defeat each other."
Jaime went up the stairs to the quarters where Cersei was lodged, and Tyrion and Asha came on behind him quietly. Tyrion didn't want his brother and sister to know he was there, but he wouldn't have missed eyewitnessing, or ear-witnessing, their reunion for all the gold in Casterly Rock. Jaime knocked on the door, and was shown in by a maid. Down on the next landing, where they could see the door, Tyrion and Asha awaited developments.
Tyrion could hear his siblings' voices, but couldn't make out what they were saying. Then he heard Cersei's voice, loud and shrill, shrieking imprecations. "You swine! You cripple! They should have cut your balls off! Or maybe they did!" Although Tyrion would have thought it impossible, Cersei's voice grew even louder. "Get out of here! GET OUT!" The door flew open, and Jaime ducked through, holding his head down as a chamberpot sailed past, followed by a stool. He threw the door shut and looked down the stairs, to find himself looking at his younger brother and his good-sister.
Tyrion beckoned Jaime down the stairs. "Come with us, Jaime. We still like you." His shoulders as slumped as though he'd been defeated in battle, the man who had once been known as the Kingslayer, the most arrogant, cocksure knight in all of Westeros, came down the stairs, following Tyrion and Asha off to their own quarters. Tyrion was sure that the sight of their babies would perk Jaime up. He doted unashamedly on his nephew and niece, and they adored their Uncle Jaime.
When the three adults arrived, the babies perked up visibly to see them, reaching up to be picked up. Tyrion and Asha were delighted to oblige them, and soon Jaime was taking a turn apiece with them. He held them rather gingerly at first, but was eventually bouncing first Balon, then Joanna on his knee as they crowed with pleasure and gave their uncle gummy grins that had him smiling even despite himself.
Watching him, Tyrion definitely decided that what his brother needed was a wife. A wife who could understand him, the way Asha understood Tyrion. A wife that could give him strong, handsome sons and daughters of his own, hopefully to be better-raised than Tyrion, Jaime and Cersei had been. A wife who could replace his sister in his heart.
The more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea of marrying Jaime off to Brienne of Tarth. While Brienne was no beauty, despite her ironic nickname, he thought that after knowing Cersei for so long, and so intimately, his brother was not one to judge a woman solely on her looks.
Tyrion decided to get Asha to invite Brienne up to their quarters in the castle. She could get to meet and play with their babies, and he, Tyrion, could run the ruler over her and figure out if she would be a fit mate for his poor brother. Jaime needed someone who would help him heal the wounds in his mind and body alike.
Asha Greyjoy Lannister
Asha anticipated a visit from her dear nuncle as soon as he'd heard that Cersei had arrived safely in Kings Landing. Sure enough, a polite request arrived, carried by a slightly hunted-looking servant, for an interview between them "at your earliest possible convenience, dear niece." Asha knew her nuncle more than well enough to know that that translated to "As quickly as you can, woman!"
Asha knew that despite her captaincy of the Black Wind, and her well-known heroics in battle, her nuncle saw her the way he saw all other women. Euron Greyjoy saw the female half of the human race as toys put there for his pleasure. If some of his pleasures damaged them, well, toys got broken sometimes, and there were always more where they came from. Even as closely related as they were, and as high as her own rank was, she would not trust him near her without trustworthy guards there to keep the scene serene.
However, her answering note to her nuncle was as polite as could be. It assured Euron that she, Asha Greyjoy Lannister, would be delighted to meet and talk with her "dear nuncle" that evening. They would meet in one of the larger public rooms of the castle. She would not let him near her babies for any amount of money, and she knew that Tyrion was with her on that point.
At the appointed hour, she was waiting for her nuncle, dressed in clothing appropriate to an Iron Islands ship captain. Under her cloak, she had her dagger and axe, just in case things got badly out of control. Her guards stood by, along the walls, their eyes alert for all that their postures suggested that they were just relaxing on a bit of boring, routine duty. Each one of them had had it succinctly explained to him that Euron Greyjoy was probably the most dangerous individual in that entire castle. And they knew that if harm came to Asha due to their negligence, Tywin and Tyrion Lannister would repay the debt, in full and with exorbitant interest.
Euron swept in, his black cloak spreading behind him like huge wings. At the sight of his niece, he gave her a beaming smile. "Beloved niece! I hope I find you well?"
"All is well with me, Your Grace," Asha replied. Her damask cheek showed no sign of the tongue she had firmly planted in it. In public, no matter how she felt in private, she showed her nuncle every bit of courtesy that he could expect as the King of the Iron Islands, even a king in very nominal fealty to the Iron Throne. "Dare I hope that the same holds true for you?"
"Alas, dear niece," Euron replied, all stagy sadness, "I find myself desolate. Heartbroken, even. I long and long for the sight of your dear good-sister, but so far, not a glimpse of her have I received! I hope that she is in good health?"
"I greatly regret the necessity of reporting, Your Grace, that I fear that the journey from Lannisport took its toll on her. She wishes to remain secluded until her beauty is back to its customary radiance." Asha hid a grin with main force. She and her nuncle did love speaking to each other in this affected style, at least when she was sure that Varys' little birds were listening. If he wasn't such a damned poisonous viper, Asha thought, and wasn't my nuncle, I would find him very attractive! But he was what he was, she was what she was, and things were as they were.
A stir at the far end of the hall drew Asha and Euron's attention. A penetrating snarl came to Asha's ears: "Out of my way, you underling, or I'll have you flogged senseless!" She knew that voice, all too well.
Sure enough, Cersei came sweeping in to the hall, arrogant as always, with a servant fluttering around her whimpering "But, your Grace, the Hand gave me specific orders…" When she saw who was there, she stopped, her face twisting into a sarcastic smile. "Why, if it isn't my sweet good-sister Asha!" she declared, her voice sweet as a love note wrapped around a poisoned stiletto. "You do look well! May I ask who this gentleman is?"
Asha looked at her nuncle. For once in his life, Euron Greyjoy was speechless. He was staring at Cersei as though he was a teenaged boy and she was the first woman to let him see her naked. Asha cut her eyes to Cersei, and was astonished to see that Cersei was clearly just as thunderstruck as Euron. From somewhere, Asha found her voice: "Your Grace, may I introduce my nuncle, King Euron Greyjoy of the Iron Islands, king-in-fealty to the Iron Throne? Nuncle, may I introduce my good-sister, Queen Cersei Baratheon, mother to the king and Dowager Queen of the Seven Kingdoms?"
In a low voice, almost too low to hear, Asha heard Euron say "Drowned God! She's beautiful!" Cersei was obviously just as taken with Euron as Euron was with her. Slowly, they came closer, till they could clasp hands. Euron bowed low. "Your Grace, may I say that I have heard reports of your beauty, and I must say that they were shameless lies. You are far more beautiful than I had been led to believe!"
It was the first time in a long time that Asha had seen Cersei at a loss for words. She was staring at Euron as though she was trying to see through his clothes. Asha realized what had happened, and was torn between glee and horror. They've both been hit with the Thunderbolt, and as hard as I've ever seen! She knew that Tyrion would want to know about this development, as soon as could be.
END Chapter 29