"I can't believe she's gone, noona," Rennie murmured softly to me in the RV. T-dog looked up at that before correcting him.
"Missing, not gone."
Shane, Glenn, Rick, Ben, and Daryl had all gone out to search for her, leaving only the injured and weaker ones in the camp. The chessboard I'd smuggled from the CDC was on the table in the RV, a move made but not responded to. The new teddy bear I'd grabbed at the mall was tucked in on the seat across from me by Sophia. It smiled mockingly at me as if to remind me of the death I brought around me. I stared at the bishop that Sophia had held shyly earlier today, gripping it tightly in my hand, the glass warming.
"First it was hyung, then Amy, then Jim, then Jacqui, and now it's Sophia," Rennie remarked quietly. Their smiling faces flashed in a blur and a crack sounded as red engulfed them all, all of them dead. A hand gently touched mine and I looked up to see Glenn yet again. He pried at my hand and I looked down in confusion at the bloody mess my hand was in. I opened my palm completely as the white bishop fell to the ground, shattered and stained red.
"Daryl and Rick are out looking. Ben's taking care of the others for a moment," Glenn calmly picked up the glass pieces and threw them away. The RV was empty save for the two of us all of a sudden, the silence and pressure building up inside my chest to the point of explosion. He turned to the door and stepped on the last step, saying one last sentence of understanding before shutting the door behind him. "No one will know."
The four words were my undoing and I stood upright and cleared the chessboard with a strangled cry. The pieces withstood the force, the chessboard empty and stained in red. I let go of myself for a moment, just for a second, since no one would know. No one would know, I echoed in my head as I sobbed quietly, picking up the chessboard and chucking it across the RV. I held the teddy bear she'd loved so much once I'd given it to her, the toothy smile a reminder of what we had to fight for. My legs gave out and I collapsed, my whole body shuddering as I crumpled in on myself, clinging to the bear and staining it red. I felt the pain I'd felt twice before, the pain that came with watching my dad die because of me, and the pain that came with my sister fading away like a lily trampled on the ground. I screamed at the unfairness of it all, at the rage, at the despair, at the pain. I screamed into my hand until my throat became hoarse as I let myself mourn for my lost love, my lost siblings, my lost parents, the girl who'd given life a fresh sense of innocence, the people who'd loved their family so much. I screamed and screamed, biting my own hand to stifle the screams. Someone held me close to their chest all of a sudden, cradling me as I sobbed even harder. Just this once, no one would know.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~TWD S2~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm going with you guys," I strapped down my knives and guns in their respective holsters.
"You will not," Shane snapped. "And hand those guns over."
I bared my teeth at him, about to literally snap his neck and do us all a favor, but Dale held me back. Daryl stood near the forest, looking exasperated and tempted to ditch all of them.
"With what right?" I growled instead, resting a hand on the Taurus GX4 strapped onto my hips.
"Look, kid, leave the adults to take care of this. Hand over your weapons, now," Shane snarled, stepping up in my face. My fist itched to smash his nose and teeth but I held back, knowing it would be the reaction he wanted. I sneered at him instead, not backing down. Ben squirmed, whipping his head back and forth between us as if he was watching a tennis match. Rick finally dragged Shane back and away from me before I flung my last retort with a jeer.
"Act like an adult and I might consider it."
"Okay, that's enough. Why don't we just hand over the guns and-"
"She's a fighter," Daryl argued, cutting off Lori. I nodded stiffly, facing the hunter and ignoring the grouchy dude. The guy shifted his crossbow before looking around at everyone. "She's keepin' em."
Ben maneuvered in front of me as I tried to go with the others. "No, you are staying here. Doctor's orders."
"Ben," I warned him stubbornly. "Rennie is going with Carl. I'm not sitting back here when my baby brother-"
"Who will be taken care of and looked after by Rick, Glenn, Daryl, Lori, and I," Ben inserted, crossing his arms across his chest.
"-goes out into the wild without me getting an update on him all the time."
Ben suddenly reached out and squeezed my left hand. I flinched at the pain before he patted the bandage on my right thigh, finally getting me to hiss in pain. "Yeah, you're not coming. Plus, what do you think you could do with the possibility of those walkers out there? Kill them?"
"No, we should go out and sing kumbaya with them. Maybe the walkers will join."
"Uhh-"
"Yes, you idiot!"
I swore violently enough to have even Daryl look impressed and Shane horrified. Ben followed after the leaving group, flipping me off in return behind his back. I scowled briefly before making eye contact with Glenn. His shirt and arms were stained with my blood and tears but he didn't seem to mind, cheerfully walking backward. He kept it up with such a bright smile that I couldn't help but smile and wave back right before he tripped and barely caught his balance again. Rick smirked at this before grabbing Glenn and hauling him into the forest. I grinned stupidly, feeling warm and giddy before catching my reflection in the side mirror of a blue car. The girl stared back at me like from the CDC, but instead of looking nineteen, she looked like a giddy high schooler who'd just found her boyfriend after a long day. I jolted, the girl paling as she returned to looking like a twenty-year-old or so.
Boyfriend, a term I hadn't used in a while. A word that somehow brought out Glenn in my head instead of Jake as it used to. No, no, no, this was not supposed to be happening, oh fu-