(A/N: TW- mentions of past sa, forced attempt of kissing. It's somewhat crucial but if you really feel uncomfortable, skip to where it says TWD S2 TWDTWDTWD. As someone who was a victim of CSA and SA as a teenager, I really want to say it gets better.
I try not to do Authors Notes because it breaks rhythm, but I suppose I should also explain that I had all of season 2 done, just unable to access my account for a short while and I had to play catch up with my Pearl Harbor fic. Now you guys are probably getting notification bombs. Also, I always love your reviews so please, please don't forget them. It keeps me going.)
"Arlynn," I jolted awake from my chair next to Rennie's bed, stupidly blinking at Maggie who was leaning against the door. She was biting her lip anxiously and something about her screamed nervousness and anxiety.
"Come in, come in," I groaned, my throat and voice raspy from having just woken up. I remembered my older brother all of a sudden who'd mimic my deep voice and call me sir or bro. I rubbed my eyes, rubbing away the sight of my brother sitting on the bed with a taunting smirk, and instead focused on the anxious Maggie who made the very blood in my veins boil with her next words.
"I just wanted to, uh, say that well, they're thinking of giving up on the search for Sophia."
"Arlynn! Arlynn, wait!"
I heeded no attention to the girl who was chasing me, trying to stop me. If I hadn't been in such a sour mood, I would have breathed in the familiar country air and loved the way the grass glowed under the sun with a pleasant air passing through my body and warming me. Instead, I was running towards Shane who'd just returned from his search of the day with Rick. More like marching my way up but, hey, I was going pretty fast.
"Hey, dickhead!" I hollered and Shane looked up, officially acknowledging his idiocy. Without further ado, I pulled back my right hand and lashed out at him, quicker than anyone could register. It seemed as though even the air was watching in interest, holding itself back as a steady stream of blood trickled down his nose, dripping onto the grass under him. His head snapped back at me, anger shining in them.
"You bitch!"
Rick stopped him just in time from lunging at me with the help of Glenn, T-dog holding me back and away from the dirty mongrel, struggling to keep me still as I screamed obscenities at the former cop. My brother watched on with interest, a peach in his hand again as he bounced on his feet, ever so entertained.
"Let go, let go of me, T! I'm calm now, I swear!" I shouted over Shane's curses and threats, staying still this time to persuade T-dog. Of course, I never know when to stop, so I immediately ducked under T-dog's restraining grasp and socked Shane in the left eye this time, delighted in the immediate howl of pain and anger. Someone lifted me and put me on their shoulder, trying to drag me away like a sack of limp potatoes.
"Lemme down! Lemme down now! Shane Walsh, you listen to me you little piece of shithead!" I shouted as I grew further and further from the man I was addressing. "You give up on her and I'll make sure you give up on your worthless piece of shit life, you understand you-"
I let out a string of Korean curses this time, hissing wildly and clawing at the air, just wanting to see my hands around his throat. I was carried, or lugged, away from the others, my captor letting me down ungracefully near the forest. Ben stood in front of me, irritation shining in his eyes as he placed his hands on his hips while cocking his head to show he was disapproving. I was reminded of a typical mother about to scold her child and knew what was coming.
"I know, I know, I shouldn't have done that," I sighed, reaching for the flask on my belt loop. I took a swig as he watched still quietly. "I'll apologize to him later, but he's just been getting on my nerves."
"I don't understand you at all," Ben finally broke a prolonged silence that followed as I took sips from the flask. "What happened to the Lynnie I know?"
I chuckled dryly, shaking my head. "Ben, ben, ben. What makes you think you ever knew me?"
I stood up, brushing off stray twigs that clung to my jeans before whistling my way past the boy. I didn't manage to go that far before he roughly turned me around to face him and slammed me against the nearest tree, an expression I'd never seen before in his eyes.
"Stop it," Ben growled, digging his fingers into my arms and giving me a small shake. "I get that you're struggling still since you're starting to care for other people and all those people are getting hurt, but that doesn't give you any right to undermine me who knew you from nearly the start of the apocalypse."
"Ben-"
"No, you listen to me this time," he snarled, shaking me more aggressively this time. "I listened to you every single step of the way, Lynnie. When you told me to trust you, I did, when you asked me to protect your brother even though I wanted to protect you, I did. When you told me to basically fuck off with my heart that I'd given to you when you smiled at Glenn in a way you never smiled at me, I stood by. But I can't anymore. I've reached my breaking point, and I don't think I can just watch you with Glenn anymore."
I flinched as his grip tightened on me and for the first time, I saw him as a man, but in a dangerous way. I saw him not as a friend or brother but saw him in a way I would see a stranger. And when he stared at my lips, I knew already what he would do in horror. His lips claimed mine aggressively and angrily, making me feel the punishing pressure in them. I struggled, trying to get him off of me, and managed to knee the boy's groin.
He doubled over in pain and backed off, releasing me. He stared at me in horror before I picked myself up from the ground and started running past him towards the house again, storming up the stairs to the room my brother resided in, ignoring Lori, Carol, Patricia, and Maggie in the kitchen and living room area. I flung the door open and saw my little brother on the bed reading a comic book before I slammed the bathroom door shut behind me and locked it, heaving into the toilet. My eyes watered from the betrayal and fear I'd felt, feeling defiled even though it was just a kiss. I sat in the corner of the bathtub, the water on and soaking me and my clothes as I stared at the white pristine wall in front of me, unwanted memories enveloping me.
"You look a little young to be here, don't you?"
I smirked inwardly in victory, having successfully caught the unsub's attention. My brother would kill me and the team if he found out about this, but what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. It was time I used my learning to use anyways. I casually turned in my seat to face the handsome pervert who was smiling at me mockingly with a glass of whiskey in his hands. I made sure to puff my chest out a little more, showing off some of my cleavage without seeming too slutty.
"I get that compliment a lot," I gave him a sly smile and made sure to slowly and casually grab the cherry off of my cocktail and slip it in my mouth, swallowing it in a teasing manner and smiling as his eyes grew darker with lust. He suddenly took my hand and pulled me into his lap, enjoying the view of my cleavage and the way my skin-tight short dress would hitch higher.
"I bet you don't get a guy like me a lot though," he whispered huskily in my ear, breathing in my scent and nibbling on my ear. I chuckled a little before sliding away from his grasp, throwing him a look as I stepped outside. I knew I wasn't really alone and that two of the members of my team were hiding in the van that blended in well in the dark of the night while three others were scattered in the bar. As predicted, the suspect followed me, but when he made me look at his cerulean eyes and tried to persuade me to get in his car, I shook my head with a smile. Eden had told me not to get in his car or go anywhere isolated with this man, and I remembered the warning well along with the pictures of mutilated girls close to my physical description.
What we hadn't expected was the partner, and because of that, our whole lives got upturned. The second culprit slipped up behind me and stabbed my neck with a needle, paralyzing me and making me helpless. Shots rang out but it was too late because I felt the leather seats of the two men's car. I'd always thought being trapped in a hospital would be the worst nightmare, but what I hadn't realized was the horror of being stuck in your own body, feeling everything being done to you, hearing every whisper and breath, and being unable to move a single muscle.
It changed everyone and everything, even little Rennie who didn't understand at the time.
I took a shaky breath before dunking my head underwater, trying to stop the replay of that time. I screamed in frustration, feeling the water in my mouth. I really, really hated my memories.
TWD S2 TWDTWDTWD
"That's a pretty guitar," I casually sat next to Glenn who was tentatively trying to play a chord. He sighed in frustration, emitting an awful sound from the guitar. I smiled softly and blankly, watching his dark hair flutter about in the faint and pleasant breeze, how even his frown of irritation or annoyance was adorable, and I wanted to feel him, to ground myself and feel the warmth he always gave when I was anywhere near him.
"-nn? Arlynn?" I jolted awake from my strange episode, blinking awkwardly while looking out at the farm in embarrassment. There was no way I was just checking out this guy in the middle of the apocalypse, please.
"Sorry, I got trapped in the memory zone," I half-joked and lied, absentmindedly feeling a sharp pain before relief followed. I looked down at my now bleeding finger and squeezed, getting more blood out of it. If Glenn hadn't been sitting right next to me, I'd be sucking it too. A warm comforting hand overtook mine, effectively stopping me while having me focus on his casual tone.
"I asked if you knew how to play," Glenn quirked his lips a little, effectively distracting me from going at it again with my hands, a terrible habit I'd picked up. I shrugged, showing him the universal sign for "a little". He gave the guitar to me without another word, eager to watch, and I sighed internally, feeling the smooth woods and the firm strings that emitted beautiful noises instead of the horrendous cacophony he'd made earlier. The man fixed his baseball hat before positioning himself so he would be staring at me without having to get a crick in his neck. I strummed what used to be my mother's favorite song, simply remembering that version of her instead of the demon that replaced her.
"Why don't you sing when you're playing?" Glenn turned my focus again to the guitar. I shook my head with a small smile.
"I suck at singing," I shrugged, flushing a little. Laughter echoed around my ears distantly as apparitions pointed at me, the spotlight heating my skin.
"Do you know how to play Hall of Fame?" Glenn asked, clearing his throat as he prepared to sing his heart out. I grinned, playing the instrumental. The man laughed giddily, standing up and dancing about in front of the stairs I was sitting on, only turning somewhat serious when it got to the first verse. I was surprised to hear his voice since it was actually good. I hadn't expected his voice to sound so good.
"Yeah, you could be the greatest, you can be the best! You can be King Kong banging on your chest. You could beat the world, you could beat the war. You could talk to God, go banging on his door." He pretended to knock on an invisible door, making me laugh as someone drew near, watching the free show. "You can throw your hands up, you can beat the clock (yeah). You can move a mountain, you can break rocks. You could be a master, don't wait for luck, dedicate yourself and you gon' find yourself'."
I strummed the chords even louder for the chorus part as Glenn knelt on the ground with his eyes closed, completely into it.
"Standing in the hall of fame (yeah). And the world's gonna know your name (yeah). 'Cause you burn with the brightest flame (yeah). And the world's gonna know your name (yeah). And you'll be on the walls of the Hall of Fame," Glenn whooped, stopping abruptly when he saw an amused Lori staring at him. He turned bright red, flushing as much as he had back when he had been drunk.
"I'm pretty sure the Halls of Fame is burnt down right now, but I'll add your name later!" Aren shouted from the second floor as Glenn rubbed his neck sheepishly. I turned to see his head sticking out the window.
"You better be done with your studies and have your head in the house by the time I get up there!" I shouted back and he comically widened his eyes, ducking back in as I held up a fist jokingly. His head suddenly popped back out again, this time with a serious frown, and he pointed at something away from us.
"Noona! Walker!"
I turned to see Andrea aiming a gun at a bloody figure that was limping and swaying. I put down the guitar and followed a running Glenn to stop the Walker with T-dog and Rick and Shane. I had my suspicions though, because that thing may look like a walker, but it wasn't behaving like one. A walker doesn't heave like it's trying to catch its breath. I saw its face, Daryl's face, and blanched even further, about to shout at Glenn when Rick pointed his gun at Daryl.
"No! Andrea, no!" A gunshot sounded and Andrea shook with the recoil. I turned to see Andrea on the RV pulling the trigger. I ran back towards Andrea, shouting.
"It's Daryl!" I shouted and Dale and Andrea gaped in horror before running towards Daryl. I muttered to myself as I ran towards the others. "Freaking dumbasses making me run more than I used to before the apocalypse. Honestly, it's like a neverending mile."
I finally reached the others, staring at an unconscious Daryl with ears around his neck. Glenn pointed it out before I got to say anything and Rick hid it next to his heart.
"Nice thinking, putting ears next to your heart," I drawled sarcastically. Glenn snorted, before coughing, covering it up.
I paced back and forth in the small hallway in front of the door Daryl was being stitched up in, Lori was on the floor and Shane leaning against the wall. I didn't mean to get myself caught up with these two who I disliked most, but I had no choice if I wanted to know what happened to Daryl. Don't get me wrong, I still want to shoot him sometimes. That doesn't mean I don't consider him a friend, though. Rick emerged with Hershel and I stopped, looking up at him hopefully.
"How is he?" Rick glanced at Lori and Shane before telling me good news.
"A little banged up and stitched up but he's fine." I nodded, letting out a sigh of relief. Shane broke the peace.
"I hate to say it, but I'm with Hershel on this one," I turned to see him with his shirt open, seeing nothing out of extraordinary. "Can't keep going out there, not after this."
"You'd quit now? Daryl just risked his life to bring back the first hard evidence we've had," Rick argued quietly, careful not to disrupt the hunter inside the room.
"That is one way to look at it. The way I see it, Daryl almost died today for a doll," Shane argued back.
"Yeah, I know how you see it." Rick walked away without a word and I internally sighed, walking away as well and following him.
"You're doing the right thing," I comforted the man, feeling awkward as I didn't know what to do.
"How do you know?" Rick asked, feeling torn. I saw Carl in him for a moment and smiled softly, stopping with the former sheriff. "I don't even know if I'm doing the right thing if I'm going down the right path."
"There's always gonna be someone out there who's gonna disagree with what you do. You could be saving everyone and being non-corrupt, but someone is still going to look at you and point at you, taunting and all and criticize you. It doesn't matter if you're just a janitor at a diner or the president. Just listen to your moral compass. Your heart, what does it tell you?" I asked softly, hearing the voices from the kitchen and dining room near us. He blinked at me and I smiled, turning towards the dining room for dinner when he grabbed my arm. I flinched away, making both of us freeze as dots connected in his mind and my devil peeked out at him. He smiled sadly, understanding in his wise eyes.
"Thank you," Rick simply said, not mentioning what he noticed. I nodded at him, conveying my gratitude for not bringing it up.
"Rick, the whole world might turn against you, even your kid and your wife, but there's some of us like Glenn and I who will always stick by your side, till the end of this hell. I trust you more than I ever trusted anyone, so trust yourself," I assured him, giving him a pat on the shoulder. "After all, the trust of the Cho family is practically impossible to earn, but you've managed it. Hell, I think my brother trusts you more than I do."
Rick laughed at that part and we both walked into the dining room, both of us splitting apart to take a seat at the tables. I froze when I saw Ben walk in, a bruise on his face from yesterday. He looked up from scooping some mashed potatoes on his plate, freezing as well.
"Lynnie, I-"
"You done with the potatoes?" I asked casually, concealing my terror as my heart pounded incessantly. Maggie gasped when she saw Ben's face, astonished.
"What happened to your face?" Ben dropped the serving spoon back into the potatoes, pursing his lips as he quickly thought of a lie.
"We got in a fight," I answered somewhat honestly, shrugging as I took the spoon with a shaky hand. I quickly dunked the spoon into the mashed potatoes, hoping no one would notice.
"What'd he ever do to you?" Rennie protested, ignorant as to what had occurred yesterday.
"He stole my peach," I lied, protecting Rennie's innocent trust in Ben and staring at the man in question. He stared back in shock as I lied for him.
"Y-yeah," Ben agreed hesitantly and I turned away from him and that table, instead sitting next to Maggie at the other table. She glanced at me before eating in silence. The clanging of forks and spoons against plates echoed as people ate in an intense silence.
"So uh, who taught you to play?" Glenn awkwardly broke the silence, making me stare in confusion. "Y'know, the really cool guitar Dale picked up."
Everyone looked up to scrutinize me and I felt myself flush a little. I absently shoveled some more mash potatoes in my mouth, since it was my favorite food, and answered.
"I taught myself," I hummed, taking a sip of water instead of the wine everyone was sharing.
"She taught Denny and promised she would teach me as well," Rennie piped up, casually pushing away the green peas on his plate. I raised a brow at him and he gave me an innocent face, something that never really worked on me. It may have worked with out older brother, but not with me, just like how my innocent face worked with everyone else except for my older brother.
"Otis used to play," Patricia broke the small cheerfulness we had, making the mood sombre.
"Yes, and he was very good too," Hershel remarked. I stared at the white plate I was eating from, absent mindedly pushing away my green pea as well. Someone coughed and I looked up to see Rennie staring pointedly at my plate and then at me. I rolled my eyes and gingerly poked a pea to try and eat it, chewing it and swallowing it quickly and sticking a tongue out at my little brother. He huffed in response, but before he could do anything else, a blurred motion passed by and I stared at my suddenly green-pea-free plate. I looked at Glenn who acted like he hadn't just snatched my plate and dumped all the peas in his. He shrugged, grinning at me as best as he could with his mouth full.
Rennie looked up at him hopefully with a forkful of peas, to which he responded with a shrug. "Eat your veggies, Rennie."
The young boy looked at his former idol with a look of betrayal, scowling as the man scooped up the peas he'd taken from me and ate them all.
"Listen to Glenn," I interjected with a smug look on my face.
"Git," he scowled, reminding me of the playful banter my brothers and I had.
"Brat," I responded, half-hoping to hear my older brother with his snarky comment. But it never came.