Idiots

Kenny M

This is so fucking ridiculous. I'm leaning against the wall on the left side of school smoking a cigarette and I pull out my new I-phone to check the time. Yes, people I can afford an I-phone.

When I was in the 6th grade my dad left me, my mom, brother and sister in South Park to fend for ourselves. My mom was so hysterical and cried non-stop for the first two weeks. During that time both my siblings and I actually spent time comforting and as crazy as it sounds reconnecting with our mom. I mean we were all in the same position. A couple weeks later I came home and saw Karen sitting on our door step and couldn't figure out why my mom wasn't home to unlock the door. Me being the genius I am and a pro at picking locks opened the door. I helped Karen with her homework and made anything I could find for dinner while I waited with my two siblings for mom to return.

Late that night when my mom returned she looked completely different from the woman who was screaming and crying and almost relapsed two weeks ago. She had on a formal skirt, blazer and dress shirt that I didn't even know she owned and a bright smile on her face. She told us that she had gone for a job interview and had gotten the job. I couldn't believe she had actually gotten and job and not a drug dealing job, but a real J-O-B.

Soon she was bringing home more groceries and clothes for us and we eventually moved out the ram shack we called a home, into a bigger place. Now I live close to Stan, Cartman and Kyle, but my house is actually closer to Butters.

At the end of my 8th grade year my dad returned. I saw him as I got off the school bus and couldn't believe it was him. He didn't look like the same dad that sold meth and tried multiple times to fight me and Kevin while he was either drunk or high. I brought him inside the house because no one was home yet and I asked why he came back to South Park and he told me he left because he wanted to get clean and come back a new man.

He told me about what he did after he was released from rehab. He's actually top ranking in the business he works at and transferred to South Park about a week ago. I couldn't believe my fucking ears; I just sat there and drank my can of sprite as he talked, not saying a word. When he was done talking I didn't know how to feel. I was happy that he had gotten himself together, but I was still fucking pissed that he left in the first place.

When my mom came home with Karen a minutes later, saving me from answering him when he asked 'how I've been' she looked shocked. Not wanting to stick around because I could already see where this shit was going I had put on my shoes and took Karen to one of her friend's house and met up with Kyle, Stan and Cartman.

That night when I came home with Karen my mom told me that her and my dad agreed that he not stay in the house, but that they are going to try to work things out. That night I was still trying to grasp how I felt and all that came to me was rage. Now my parents are still trying to work things out, but ever since then I've kept my distance from my dad.

I look at my phone and throw out the cigarette I smoked down to the bud just as the bell rings. I was skipping my last class, I fucking hate that stupid ass man Mr. Adler the only reason I'm taking this class is because I promised the fat ass and practically the whole class I would.

Mr. Adler is fucking boring (who the fuck hired him to teach here anyways) and I always liven up the classes I'm in. Whether I'm pulling a prank on one of the dumb ass teachers, or simply doing something so stupidly funny. I'm not the only one that gets yelled at or sent out of class its Cartman too.

He's always pulling some stupid scheme, ragging on everyone and saying smart ass comments, but hey, what else is new. He's also high on the list of people that gets sent to the principle's office everyday. The crazy thing is that he's one of the smartest students at Park County High School.

The other smartest kids are Kyle- because if he makes anything less than an –A Shelia will actually nag him to death, Wendy-She's just a fucking high achiever, Butters- Because if he isn't one of the top students he might not ever see outside again and Token- he just likes to do work and still has time to do a whole lot of other shit.

As soon as I step into the hallway I'm getting shoved and pushed around so I move over towards the lockers and I spot Clyde.

"Clyde! What the hell dude! You were supposed to stop him!"

"What? Hey, man I don't remember!" Clyde says sheepishly.

"What do you mean you don't remember I talked to you about it all last night and this morning?!"

Yeah, I kinda knew this fight was going to happen. I was smoking weed with Damien yesterday night (his dad let him buy this cool loft apartment, not too far from South Park) and he said the weirdest shit...

He had just taken a hit from the joint and passed it to me when he said, "Kenneth your attempts to save the day are futile, don't you see?"

Pausing before taking a hit I replied, "Dude what the fuck are you talking about?" Now he looked at me like I was stupid then grinned, "I know you know that it was about time this happened. Although, you can still attempt to save the day."

Now Damien was scaring the shit out me but, instead of asking what he's talking about again I just ask, "When?"

"Tomorrow. Be prepared Kenneth, this is what every one's been waiting for."

"Okay… but anyway dude as I was saying before all of this…" I continued on after taking another hit.

That night when I was walking home and texting I kept thinking about what he said and it was freaking me out, so while I was texting Clyde I asked him, 'Dude, what do u think every1's waiting 2 happen? Like dis shit is crazy.'

We were talking about Stan and Kyle and what happened that day during lunch. All throughout lunch everyone was tense and watching their every move like something might happen.

'Dude idk may b their waitin for them both 2 fight.'

I thought about what Clyde said while replying back to Bebe about some shit she wanted to do tomorrow after school, then replied to Clyde saying 'I was jus over Damien's and he was talking about somethin happening 2morow… If they get n a fight I want u 2 stop 1 of them til I get there Clyde.'

'Alright dude I will. Butt if dey get n a fight I'mma gonna laugh me ass off.'

'Shit' I thought Clyde must be drunk. 'Just remember dude. Good nite' I text while making a mental note to remind Clyde in the morning.

'I got u, good nite ken'

That morning I reminded Clyde again hoping he'd remember or understand. He said he did, but looked a little irritated because of his hangover. You're probably asking why I told Clyde and not anyone else. I told Clyde because even though he has a big mouth and when he's not drunk or high if you tell him anything serious or anything he believes is serious he would understand and help. Even though he acts like an asshole jock that only cares about partying and girls he's actually like a sweet puppy (not that he doesn't like partying and girls because he's always the first person wasted or making out with some random chick.) But as it turns out he didn't.

The doors to the back of the school push open and I'm just standing there until everyone exits, trying to think of a way to stop this. When every one's gone I can hear the crowd's cheer outside. This shit all started this morning during our homeroom class. Mr. Garrison's class, how and why they got some of the teachers from our elementary school to transfer here I don't have a clue. All the trouble here is double as much, on crack than the trouble in elementary.

Anyway, we were all in Mr. Garrison's class and as usual while he was teaching almost everyone was not listening.

I was sitting next to Kyle and we were talking about Bebe and mid sentence Kyle was interrupted.

"…She is such a fucking tease Ken, you might as well just fuck and—"

"Hey, Kyle is it true you cry yourself to sleep because you're a little bitch?"

Kyle being the person he is, (well after anger management counseling) didn't automatically sock this dude in the face, but asked calmly, "Where did you hear that from?"

"Who else? That guy over there," The boy pointed at Stan. "Yeah, he is totally railing on you over there, talking about how much of a bitch boy you are."

"Dude just leave—" Token started, but was cutoff by laughing. Laughing that came from where Stan was sitting. People were sitting around laughing as if he was telling some sort of joke.

"See dude, they're laughing at you," The guy says smugly.

I thought Kyle was going to finish what Token was going to say because obviously Kyle knows that this guy is just baiting him on. Instead he said, "Well he's a fucking pussy who can't even come over here to say this shit to my face."

A huge smirk spread across the boy's face and he ran over and told Stan. From the look on Stan's face he looked like he was about to punch the guy in the face after he told him what Kyle said and more. I looked back over at Kyle, "Dude why'd you—"

Suddenly, I heard some chairs moving and the whole room went quiet even Mr. Garrison who was now flipping through a magazine with his legs crossed was looking at the scene. I looked over and saw Stan standing right beside me.

"If I'm such a pussy then say the shit you just said, right now," Stan said menacingly.

Again, I thought Kyle would just ignore Stan and act as if he didn't see him as usual, but instead Kyle looked at Stan with a malicious smirk and repeated what he said... and more.

"You're a pussy. You're an asshole dirt bag that does nothing, but talk shit about everyone," Now if you don't mind, you get the fuck out of my face scum bag," Everyone gasped with looks of shocked and amused expressions.

Before Stan could say anything I put my hand on his shoulder to try and stop him from saying anything more—to make this situation even worse. Stan looked at me then backed away going back to his seat on the other side of the room. Releasing the breath I was holding I sighed. It's not easy to have close friends of yours that are mortal enemies, in the end you always end up in the middle of every single fight.

Back in 9th grade when everything exploded between the two we all decided not to pick sides, that we would all hang out with the both of them whenever and its working, but its just… so damn hard sometimes dude.

When Stan was away from Kyle, but still in earshot "Bitch," Stan muttered.

'Oh no' I thought with a sigh as Kyle stood up so fast lightening wouldn't even be able to strike him and walked up to Stan who had turned around and pushed him. This caused someone in the class to yell out "Fight!" Almost everyone was shouting "fight, fight!" until I hopped off the desk I was sitting on top of and stood in the middle to try and stop this.

Some people were still shouting fight and both Stan and Kyle look like they actually wanted to duke it out right now. But out of no where someone said the craziest thing, "Yeah, fight and take your shirts of while you're at it. Come get this baby oil and pour it all over yourselves while wrestling on the grimy floor," Everyone stopped and looked at the person who said that shit: Mr. Garrison.

When we all looked at him he cleared his throat, tried to re adjusts his glasses and started flipping through his magazine, ignoring the whole class's stares. Everyone turned their attention back to Kyle and Stan.

"You know what, how about we settled this shit and see who the real bitch is." Stan demanded.

"A challenge, I accept. Be ready to get your ass kicked asshole, that's only if you show up pussy," Kyle said a malicious smirk gracing his lips.

"The only one who should be talking about getting their ass kicked is you. After school, behind the school, be there," Stan said shoving past Kyle just as the bell rang.

Walking to the front of the school and I'm halfway down the street from the school when I faintly hear two things: The crowd of dumb-ass kids and teachers cheering and in the distance sirens…

Oh shit, it's the cops. I start running back to the school and to the back just when I think the sirens are getting closer. I push through the crowd and hear Cartman loud whine, "Watch it Kinny!" The first thing I see is Stan and Kyle bruised, a little bloody and Kyle about to strikeout at Stan's face with his fist.

Rushing over with the speed I keep reserved for when I'm either: fucking, beating the crap out of someone and running from the cops. And I catch Kyle's fist before it could hit that beautifully sculptured face of Stan's. I look around and everyone looks surprised. Shit, I'm surprised myself.