Royally Shitty
"Hey asshole, wanna go to Shakey's?"
I turn around and see Cartman, car keys in hand with an impatient look on his face. "Um, sure dude. I'll meet you there."
"Alright, you better hurry, I'm ordering two large pizzas and I'm feeling kind of hungry today."
"You're always hungry fat-ass."
"Ey! Just for that I'm eating three slices out each pizza hippie," Cartman says before walking off to the parking lot.
When I've got my shirt back on I head off in the same direction of the student parking lot. It's mostly empty; save for one unlucky guy who was almost rear ended by Cartman's huge yellow hummer. Cartman blew his horn loudly causing the guy to speed away. I open the door of my black land rover range rover sport and start the car. As I'm driving I can't help, but wonder why Kenny broke up that fight between me and Kyle.
Kyle started this shit, the guy in Mr. Garrison's class came over saying that Kyle said something foul about me, so I just ignored it, but what struck me was when he said "He said your such a fucking pussy that you can't even fuck Wendy," I knew he was lying, but it was really bothering me and it had struck a cord inside me, so I went to confront Kyle. When I stop at a red light I take my phone out of my pocket and check my messages. Some are about the fight, others are about just random shit. When the light turns green again I start driving and when I pass a nearby park I see Ike. He's at the park standing by a large overgrown tree talking to someone whose back is turned to me and suddenly he reaches out and hugs the person for a long moment.
From closer inspection I could see that it's a dude. Okay, that's weird. The light turns red and I continue to make my way to meet Cartman. When I reach Shakey's I easily find a parking space and before getting out of the car I reach in the back seat to grab a jacket. As I'm walking inside my phone rings, pulling my phone out of my pocket I see that it's Wendy.
"Hey babe," I greet automatically.
"Hey, Stan could you come over later?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Okay, cool, I have a surprise for you."
"Really, well I can't wait to see it babe," I say as I push open the doors to the pizza restaurant.
"Don't worry you'll love it. Love you."
"Love you Wens," I say before disconnecting.
When I reach the table Cartman's sitting at he's already polished off one whole pizza and is working on the second. Fine with me I'm not really hungry. I sit down and Cartman looks up from his phone.
"Bout' time asshole. I left you a couple slices."
"Its okay, you can have it." I say, getting settled in the booth.
"Suit your self." Cartman shrugs probably not caring either way.
So, I'm just sitting here with Cartman as he texts and stuff his fucking face with the last couple slices. And I'm still wondering why the fuck he invited me to come to Shakey's to watch him stuff his fucking face. My phone goes off again but with a text. I check it and it's Token. I grimace as I read the text.
'Dude, we need to talk about what happened with Kyle. Call me or I'll come see you.'
"Who's that, the bitch?" Cartman asks now finished with every slice of pizza and looking at me.
"No, Token and Wendy's not a bitch." I feel like I'm constantly saying this, but it continues to fall on fat deaf ears.
"Whatever dude, what did that asshole want?"
"He wants to talk about the fight."
"Lame," Cartman says looking back down at his phone.
"Cartman, why did you invite me here?" I finally ask.
"What?"
"I know you didn't invite me here just for me to watch you stuff your face."
Cartman looks up at me and starts with a, "Look—"
"Oh no, no, you're not about to start telling me what happened was wrong and could've been avoided because—"
"No, asshole, I don't really give a shit about what happened."
"Then why would you—" I stop short, realization dawning on me. The fucker. "You wanted to see if I was alright."
Cartman looks horrified, "No, I didn't."
"Admit it, you care." I say and can't help the slight smugness I feel to have caught Cartman in an act of kindness.
"I won't admit to something that's not true buddy."
"Okay, fine then why the hell did you ask me to come here?"
"I need you to talk to Wendy for me."
"About what?"
"Ask her to talk to Heidi for me."
"Why?"
"Because asshole, I need to be invited to that party next Friday."
"So, just crash. That's what most people do anyway."
"I planned to, but the hoe hired security just to keep me out."
"How do you know she hired security?"
"I heard her and Red talking in the girl's bathroom."
"Dude, why would she hire security just to keep you out some dumb party?"
"You remember what happened Monday?"
"Yeah, but you didn't come to school Monday."
"In third period."
"When Heidi got called to the office? That was you? Dude she was crying her eyes out."
"Yep. I told her dad what a ragging slut she was."
"All because of what happened last Friday in the hallway." I state as I shake my head at Cartman's latest antic.
Last Friday at the end of classes when everyone's in the hallway either at their lockers or talking, I was walking out of class when Heidi cursed Cartman out in front of everyone. She yelled that he was a fucking mama's boy, and how dare he cheat on her and then took out her lipstick and smeared it on his face as she continually cursed and hit him. Eventually Kenny stepped up and got her away and calmed down.
"The hoe deserved it," Cartman says unapologetic
"So, why do you need me to talk to Wendy?"
"Duh, dumb ass to tell that hoe to reconsider."
"I doubt she will, but I can talk to Wendy about talking to Heidi. In the meantime I got to go."
"Hey! Where are you going, I did not invite you out to just ditch me."
"Wendy's."
Cartman grunts and waves his hand dismissively, "So whipped."
"Am not. I just like being faithful to my girlfriend of seven years."
"Counting the many times you broke up and fucked some other chick or chicks?"
"Bye Cartman," I say a little louder than necessary as I begin walking out of Shakey's.
"See ya asshole."
I walk out of Shakey's and get in my car. Before pulling out of the Shakey's parking lot I send a text off to Kenny.
'Meet me at Starks?'
'Sure dude.'
"Crap, I guess I better leave now before they get back home." I pocket my phone before climbing off my bed.
"What? Where are you going?" Ike asks as I stand.
"I'm going over a friend's house," I answer as I open my closet and walk in.
"Oh, you mean that girl with the red hair that you're boning."
"Yeah," I say distractedly as I put on my black vans. "Hey, Ike can you cover for me while I'm gone?"
"Sure dude," Ike says automatically.
"Thanks. See you later Ike," I ruffle Ike's short black hair before walking out of my bedroom.
What the fuck am I going to say when I get back home tonight? That is the only fucking thing I'm worried about right now. I'm going have to come up with some convincing shit to get out of this one. I've had the Sheila lecture about not fighting so many times that I know the exact words before it even comes out of her mouth.
Crap, I don't think I'm going to get grounded since there will be no suspension (hopefully), but if I don't come up with something convincing this thing may blow up bigger than it should. Opening the door I spot a familiar white Hyundai genesis waiting a few meters away from my house. I quickly, but quietly close the door and wait a few minutes. Once I hear the sound of the engine disappearing down the street I walk outside, giving out a sigh of relief as I get inside of my car and head to Red's house.
When I'm at Starks I spot Kenny sitting by a nearby tree and I go and join him.
"You got here fast, did you get your car back?" I ask looking out towards the pond.
"No, it isn't ready yet."
It's silent for a moment and Kenny looks at me as I continue to stare unseeingly at the pond in front of us, "Hey, dude are you okay?" Kenny asks worridely.
"Yeah, yeah- Ken who was that kid from Mr. Garrison's class this morning?"
"I don't know dude. I think he's a freshman, why the hell he was in there beats me."
I chuckle unamused, "Wow, I never thought it'll come to this."
"Come to what?" Kenny asks genuinely curious.
"Dude, for a fucking freshman; someone who doesn't know shit about any of this to cause an actual fight between me and Kyle things have got to be more than royally shitty now."
Kenny's face doesn't show it, but I know he's shocked. I never really mention Kyle by his name, hadn't in a while. I'd usually refer to him as a douche or an asshole or some other insult. Kenny doesn't say anything, and I'm silently grateful to have someone to just listen as I talk.
"I still hate Kyle. I fucking hate him more and more everyday, but I know that fight was not supposed to happen. When that kid came up to me during class he just started saying how Kyle said all this shit about me and usually I'd brush it off as nothing, but… something that he said hit me. It hit me hard dude. And I snapped and came over to confront Kyle."
There's a pause. "Was any of what he said true?" Kenny asks soft, calmly.
I don't answer right away, but I know if there is anyone I can be honest with, someone who won't judge me, its Kenny. I nod silently before I voice my thoughts, "There's some truth to it."
"Fuck man! That-that's fucking low."
I nod, "When Wendy and I first started having sex I was honestly like scared. I mean I was only fourteen when we started doing things, but sex itself was like a whole nother' ball game. I knew what to do and I even had you, some of the guys and my dad for advice on what to do, but I just couldn't do it. Wendy noticed, of course because every time she would say she was ready and wanted to...I'd clam up or make up some excuse. I was so embarrassed, but thank fucking God for Wendy. She's like such a fucking saint, she helped me through it. When I was finally ready she didn't lash out after our first time, that it wasn't as good as we both thought it would be."
"No one's first time is ever as good as they thought it would be."
"Yeah, but the fact that she waited until I felt comfortable...usually its supposed to be the other way around, but."
"Its okay dude, It happens to everyone. You are only supposed to do what feels right. If I could go back I would wait. I would wait until I found someone who felt just as passionately about me as I do about them."
"I get it now, because what is the rush for? Just to say you did something, just to have something to brag about?"
"I know. Its like on the outside you're expected to be happy, singing show tunes and skipping down the street. You're expected to tell all your friends, but on the inside...its like surreal, and I really didn't feel like telling anyone."
"That's why when that freshman dude came running up to me talking about something that no one was ever supposed to know about I just lost it. The only person I ever told about that was Kyle before we fell out. It was like the last good memory of him when we were still close, telling me it would be okay and he would be there for me, and that I didn't have to rush things... and that this didn't make me any less of a man."
"But didn't Kyle lose his virginity before you?" Kenny asks with a slight hesitation.
"Yeah, and we weren't talking by that time and I just- the hate that I felt for him was just so new you know, so strong. To hear all the guys congratulating him and asking how it was, I was honestly...jealous. So, I remember saying to myself to man the fuck up and just do it."
"And it worked?"
"No, not the first time. But the more I told myself I could and that I was okay with all of the things Wendy and I did so far and with Wendy's support I did."
"And now I feel so stupid for even letting the guy get to me. I mean we are not fourteen anymore, we're older and more mature than that and I should damn well act like it. But I still can't shake how fueled up I felt and a bit happy to finally get to knock that cocky asshole on his ass."
"Stan…" Kenny starts.
"Then right in the middle of the fight you came Kenny; to stop it and I wasn't surprised, I wasn't even mad. You made me realize how stupid this was."
There was another silent moment of taking this all in and Kenny looks like he wants to tell me something, but instead he visibly swallows and shakes his head. Kenny finally finds his voice a minute later and asks, "Did you even want to fight Kyle in the first place? I know you were mad, but did you want it to go that far?"
"Would it be crazy if I said no?"
Kenny looked over at Stan and said, "No, it wouldn't. It's understandable."
"It doesn't make sense Ken other than the fact that the entire act itself was stupid. I hate Kyle, I should want to fight him and feel no remorse about it."
Kenny slings an arm around my shoulders. "Its okay dude. It'll be okay." Kenny tells me genuinely as he leans closer to me. I don't mind because Kenny's always wants to be close, I guess its some sort of comfort mechanism or because he lacked that feeling of closeness growing up. "And at least you don't have any visible bruises. If I hadn't made it in time before that charming face of yours was damaged, I don't know what I'd be looking at right now." Kenny jokes and just like that I'm glad to have Kenny right beside me because he always knows how to make light of a situation.
I laugh, "Like you haven't seen me with a black eye before."
"True, but I think he would've given you more than just a black eye," Kenny doesn't say Kyle's name figuring I wouldn't want to be reminded of my slip up earlier.
"Hey Ken?"
"Yeah?" Kenny answers as he begins swaying us back and forth gently, in no particular way.
"I saw the weirdest thing today on my way to Shakey's."
"What, did you see that man lying in the middle of the street too? Swear someone was gonna hit him."
"No, I saw Ike hugging and kind of nuzzling someone at the park. A dude."
"Really, you sure it was a guy, dude?" Kenny asks skeptically.
"Yeah, it wasn't like a bro hug it was really intimate and like I said he was nuzzling some boy's neck."
"Are you sure it just appeared that way? I'm sure it was more like a bro hug."
"Yeah, I guess so. Ike is dating Craig's sister Ruby."
"Yep." Kenny agrees.
My phone goes off with a text message and I swear. "Its Wendy, I'm supposed to be meeting her tonight. Do you need a ride?" I ask, standing and brushing a few grass strains off of my jeans.
"Sure, take me home stud," Kenny says with a grin, standing up and following me towards the parking lot."