Liar
"It's just really simple, just distribute the four and-"
"I honestly just don't get this." I drop the pencil in my hand to the wooden table in front of me. He just stares at me like I'm stupid and I can tell it's taking a lot of willpower on his side to not call me out for being a complete idiot. I'm not stupid, I'm just not focused right now. I can't get rid of the hole in my chest right now. Wendy cheated on me...
"Hey," Kyle calls and I center my attention back on him. "Are you even listening to me? I'm trying to help you."
"Yeah, I get that." Maybe it was my tone, but Kyle actually shuts his trap and takes to just staring at me now. I pick up my pencil and do as Kyle asked me a few moments ago. I finish the problem and he checks it.
"Let's move on to something else."
"Did I do it right?"
"Its correct. Not how I would have solved it, but that doesn't really matter. Take out your English homework." I take out my English notebook and book and Kyle just takes a thick binder out of his bag. He flips through the tabs before finding a specific one. He clears his throat, "You are to answer the questions on page 182 and 183 in complete sentences." I flip to the first page and see about 20 questions that continue over onto page 183.
"So we have to answer 30 questions about this chapter?"
"No, you have to answer 30 questions. I already did this.
"But she just assigned this to us today. And why did she assign us so many questions?"
"She didn't, she only assigned us to do the even numbers, but next class period she's just going to assign everyone to complete the odd numbers."
"So why can't I just do what is assigned today?"
"This is to help you stay ahead in class." Kyle begins flipping through his notebook tabs again. And I grit my teeth, some tutor he is.
I keep my agitated thoughts to myself though and begin answering the questions for the next hour or so. Not once after telling me what to do does Kyle look up or say anything to me, he just continues to quickly write something down.
When I finish I actually feel proud of myself for being so productive. "I'm done." I announce and Kyle continues to write for few moments before stopping. He practically snatches my paper out of my hand and reads it. I can see his green eyes quickly fleeting over my paper before stopping and handing it back. He then hands over a paper in one of the back pockets of his organized binder. I'm shocked. It's a schedule. He actually drew me up an intricate schedule on what I should work on each day. I don't know what to say to this.
"What is this?" I find myself asking. And even though I do find this cool I can't just outright thank him for this. Kyle rolls his eyes at my questioning stare.
"It's a schedule highlighting everything you need to do for the rest of the semester."
"I know what it is, it's just...why?"
"Why what?"
"Why are you giving me this? Why did you make this for me."
"You asked for my help, so."
"Well...I don't want to thank you for this"
Kyle shrugs, "I don't expect you to-"
"But thank...you," My insides literally twist at the words coming out of my mouth. But I said it. Its into existence now and I'm not taking it back.
"Why are you thanking me?"
"Because," I say and I want to leave it as that, but something pushes me to explain myself further, "I'm not a huge douche. It was...good of you to do this." Why am I so overwhelmed with anxiety just to get these words out? I swallow hard to try and get rid of the sickness my anxiety is causing within me.
And Kyle's piercing stare isn't helping me at all. "Stop looking at me like that." I blurt after no reply from Kyle.
"Like what?"
"You know. You're making me-"
"Nervous." Kyle finishes my thought and my chest clenches uncomfortably at that.
"Stop," I reiterate clenching my jaw. "Stop it Kyle."
"Okay." He says simply and I hate it. Why is everything so simple for him? Why is this so easy?
"Why are you being like this?"
"Being like what," Kyle asks confused and for once he doesn't look so blank of expression.
"You're acting like this doesn't bother you."
"I'm not acting. Look, this doesn't bother me as much you think."
"Bullshit."
"Seriously."
"So, it doesn't bother you that I'm literally sitting a few inches away from you. Talking to you." I lean further against the wooden desk to accentuate my point. "I've literally gave you so much shit and you seriously don't want to smash my face in right now?" Kyle just stares at me. It's all he seems to do now when he's not completely ignoring my mere presence which is 99 percent of the time. I can tell the gears in his head are turning despite his calm demeanor.
"Nope."
"Liar. You are such a fucking liar. I know-"
"You don't know anything. Quit trying to make this something it's clearly not. I agreed to tutor you and as far as I'm concerned that's the only interaction we'll ever have. Our session is over for today." Kyle stands and I bite down any insulting words on the tip of my tongue as the redhead packs up his notebook.
"Liar." I call, but Kyle doesn't even pause nor make any indication that he heard me as he continues down the stairs to the first floor of the empty library.
(*)
I eventually gather my things and stuff them into my bag and make my way downstairs and out of the metal library doors. Before I could start my car my phone rings and a picture of me kissing Wendy on my seventeenth birthday pops up on my screen. I let it ring for what seems like forever before finally answering.
"Stan." I say nothing and just listen as Wendy sighs and I can imagine the way her pink lips would curve downwards in a small pout at being frustrated with me. How I would kiss her just to see her smile at me again, to be happy with me. "Stan, I thought we were going to hang out after school. Practice has been over for about three hours now. Stan?!" I don't say anything and it's quiet on the other side, but I know she's still there because I can still her breathing through the phone. "Stan…" Her voice trails off and it's laced with tiredness and exasperation and fuck this. Fuck this entire situation.
"I'm sorry," I say finally. I don't know why I'm apologizing it's just the first words that fall out of my stupid mouth, "I got sick after practice and went home."
"Oh, I'm sorry Stan. I understand and want you to get better okay?" She sounds so maternal right now, like she really cares about what's happening to me.
"Yeah, thanks." I want to believe she cares. I do. "We can hang out tomorrow if you want."
"Tomorrow is actually no good for me, but maybe I can come by if I have space in between."
"Fine. Do what you want." It was worth a shot.
"Stan what is this about?" Wendy asks sensing the coldness of my words.
"Nothing Wendy, just do what you want to do, despite how I may feel and despite what I may want."
"Stan-"
"No, Wendy. You know what, I can't do this." There's silence on the other end.
"What are you saying?"
"I think we should...take a break. I need you to figure out what you want."
"What I want? Where is this coming from Stan?! I want you, you know that."
"No, I don't think I do. You...you need to figure out if this relationship is what you want."
"It is." Wendy insist, "If anything I should be asking you the same question. I'm not the only one at fault here."
"How have I fucked anything up? I've practically been begging to hang out with you, to just be with you and you've turned me down each time. You're pissed that I couldn't make it just this once when you deemed it was fit for you and I to be with each other. You never have the time for me anymore, you never want to be with me anymore.
"That is not true. You know if I wasn't so busy with this internship I would be with you. Everything would be just the same, so why are you being so rash all of a sudden. When you know this is extremely important that I get this experience to help with my future and someday what I hope to be our future!"
"Well maybe I don't see the same future as you."
"Wait what? Stan-"
"No," My tone is so final and I hate it, "Call me when you finally have time for me. Until then we both just need some space."
"I don't."
"I do. We need to know what it's like to not be together."
"So you're breaking up with me? Just like that?" I can hear sniffling on the other side and I can tell Wendy's trying to keep her voice strong. I swallow hard, trying to stay firm on my decision.
"It's just a break. We just need time away from each other that lasts more than a couple days."
"Okay...fine." Wendy's voice sounds thick with tears, but she ends the call anyway. I watch as our picture disappears from my screen and practically throw my phone in the passenger seat before leaving the empty parking lot. Fuck if I don't feel like shit for doing that. U&I by the Neighbourhood pours through my car speakers does nothing, but make me doubt my decision, so I turn it off. I can't go home right now, I don't want to be in a empty house and be alone with my thoughts running rampant through my head right now. So I head to Kenny's house hoping he's home.
Karen M.
I'm sitting at the large island in the kitchen trying to finish this last page of History homework when my cell phone rings. It plays the ringtone I set for Ruby: New Americana by Halsey and I cautiously look across the island at Kenny who is staring directly at me. The phone continues to ring and we continue to stare before I quickly reach out to answer my phone only to be beat by an even quicker Kenny.
Kenny grabs my phone and I groan as he answers, "Hey! Who's this calling? Oh, hi Ruby. No, Karen's right here doing homework." Kenny gives me a pointed look and I glare at the book in front of me. "Nope, what's up, you can talk to me. Oh, you wanted to know if Karen could come over? Ruby wants to know if you wanna come over to hers?" Kenny asks me and I glare at him before motioning him to hand me my damn phone. He hands it over with a smirk as the doorbell rings and bolts for the door. Such a pest.
"Hello?"
"Finally, hey Kare bear!"
"Hey, sorry about Kenny, he's just being annoying... as usual."
"It's alright. So do you wanna come over?"
"Yeah, I can be over in about twenty minutes?"
"Sure, plus I have a surprise!"
"Great," I say not sounding excited at all because Ruby's surprises always tend to backfire.
"Why aren't you excited. It's gonna be awesome, just bring your fluffy black happy bunny pajamas."
"Hey Kare," Stan greets walking into the open concept kitchen and I give a wave before answering Ruby.
"Okay, see you in twenty." Ruby says her goodbye before we both hang up.
"So, how are your classes going," Stan asks sitting in a chair at the island.
"Pretty good, my teachers are pretty cool. It's just some of the students and Mr. Abrahms."
"Yeah, Mr. Abrahms is a right asshole. Always have been and some people you may just want to leave alone completely.
"Tell me about it." I begin to pack my books back up into my book bag.
"Do you still talk to the girl who used to hang out over here sometimes?"
"Amy? No, not really. She kinda doesn't come over anymore."
"Do you talk in school or…"
"No, the girls she's friends with now I don't really like."
"Oh, well I'm sorry about that."
"It's okay, I think she was just using me to get near Kenny anyway. So better now than later." Stan nods and Kenny walks back into the kitchen from doing whatever.
"Where are you going?" He asks, slinging an arm around Stan's shoulder
"Over to Ruby's. I'll call if I sleepover." I pass by Kenny and roll my eyes when he messes up my already wild hair further before him and Stan disappear upstairs most likely to Kenny's room. I throw my converses on and a purple and black skull jacket before throwing my hair up in a messy high ponytail. I hurry upstairs and grab my overnight bag and house key and wrap the key chain around my wrist as I hop down the stairs. I go into the laundry room and grab my pajamas out of the dryer and stuff them in the bag before quietly leaving the house.
"Wait, you broke up with Wendy?" I ask only a bit surprised at this new occurrence.
"We're on a break."
"Wow, I can't believe you actually stood up to Wendy." Stan flops back onto my bed as I sit on the window sill and watch Karen make her way down our driveway and down the street.
"I just feel like total shit right now."
"That's kinda understandable, I mean you practically broke up with a girl you've loved since Elementary school. Do you still love Wendy?"
"Honestly Ken...I don't know. Its this part of me that just clings to her because in someway Wendy understands me, but another part of me knows."
"Knows what?"
"Nothing."
"Stan," Moving away from my large window sill I sit on the bed next to Stan. "Tell me. You can tell me anything you know right?"
"Yeah, but." Stan looks at me and I stare back. I trust Stan, hell I admitted to him that guys turn me on; something I haven't told anyone. Not even Butters. I don't want to push Stan into telling me something he doesn't want to, but- "That it just won't work."
"What won't?"
"This, whatever it is that me and her are doing. We're just not attuned to each other anymore, that love I felt for her that kept me coming back, and constantly pinning for her...it's gone. I just feel like shit for being the one to do it."
"Don't be. It was most likely bound to happen and you can't blame yourself for not wanting to let this drag on. And it's okay to not know what you want, so don't fault yourself for wanting to focus on what's happening now."
"I can't even begin to tell you how it felt when Cartman told me Wendy was with Gary."
"Cartman told you?"
"Wendy came to him last Friday night and he said that he saw Gary drop her off."
"How did Cartman even know it was Gary?"
"He said he would be able to recognize his white hyundai anywhere." Stan rolls over onto his face and I stare at his back.
When did Cartman ever start hanging out with Gary? To be able to recognize his car out of thousands of white hyundai's in South Park he has to have at least hung out with the guy before. This is probably Cartman stirring some shit up. I want to voice this to Stan, but my gut refuses profusely as I stare at the boy beside me. He eventually flips over and stares at me curiously.
"What?"
"You weren't saying anything."
"I know, I was just thinking about something."
"This is going to be alright, right Ken?"
Will everything be okay? Will everything work out exactly the way we want it? I doubt it. I've been killed a million times to know that things don't always go as planned or as hoped. But the way Stan is looking at me right now, waiting for an answer I don't have the heart to be so pessimistic towards him. "Yeah, dude of course it is. Everything happens for a reason." Stan smiles lightly.
"Thanks Ken," Stan sits up and pulls me into a hug. And I hug him back just as tight. That's the thing about Stan he's always up for a hug.
"No problem, I'm secretly using you for hugs." Stan chuckles before lightly pushing me away.
"Anyway, enough of my fucked up problems what've you been up to Ken?"
"Just the usual, eating, hanging out, smoking, and watching netflix. My car will actually be done this Friday, wanna take a spin with me?"
"Yeah, where do you wanna go?"
"Actually I was planning on going to a party."
"Okay, where?"
"Its at Kyle's."
"That's-"
"Its cool if you don't want to, we can do something else."
"No, its cool. I wanna go."
"Shocker." I say sarcastically.
"Whatever, it's just a party. I need to chill the fuck out, so why not."
"It's exactly what you need. It's the best cure to any fucked up situation."
"Fuck you." Stan laughs.
"Don't tempt me."
"Yeah, whatever Ken."
"Who wouldn't want to." I say without really thinking it through.
"What?"
"I mean look at you Stan, you're really hot and I'm not ashamed to admit it."
"Well, thanks Ken. You're," Stan pauses and my eyes zone in on him lightly biting his bottom lip,
"Pretty...good looking too." So innocent, it's so fucking cute.
"Thanks," I say and Stan continues to gnaw on his bottom lip. "Anyway," I start effectively changing the subject and Stan visibly relaxes. I smirk at that, but continue, "We can go right after your game."
"Sure."
(*)
Stan and I just laze around in my room and play Call of Duty and talk about random shit for hours. It's just what the lad needs to cure his broken heart, but suddenly I hear the doorbell ring and I pause the game.
"Someone's at the door I'll be back."
"Yeah right, just an excuse to avoid getting your ass handed to you."
"You wish," I say before leaving and heading downstairs.
Opening the door I spot Stuart on my doorstep, "Hey Kenny," Stuart greets and he's dressed in a black suit, briefcase in hand, "Can I come in."
Stoically I open the door wider letting him in before closing it behind him. I go to the kitchen and open the refrigerator to take out a vitamin water for me and Stan and as I put velveeta cheese into a bowl and in the microwave Stuart speaks again. "So how've you been Kenny?"
"Good." I reach open the white cabinet above me and pull down another bowl and begin to fill it with the tostitos chips.
"Are you still working at that auto shop not too far from here?"
"Yeah," I clear my throat, "Why?" Another pause.
"How is school going?"
"Fine."
"How's your mom and sis-"
"They are good too."
"Are you-"
"Why are you here?" I ask abruptly. Stuart shifts and I can tell he's uncomfortable by how I'm staring at him without blinking.
"Just to see how you were. I came over Monday and you weren't home." I turn away with an unapologetic small smile and take my cheese out of the microwave.
"Well, I'm here and I'm fine. Have been for a long time now."
"Kenny...did I do something to you?" I don't answer and decide to open the pantry and get out a can of rotel and open it with a can opener. "Look, Ken whatever I did to you I'm sorry alright?" I mix the rotel in with the melted cheese before pouring it over the chips. "Kenny," Stuart tries again, but I ignore him in favor of grabbing napkins.
"Are you done?" I ask as I make my way out of the kitchen with the drinks and food, "I have company and I'd like to get back to them." I turn away and go up the stairs ignoring Stuart's weak reply.
"No-I'm done."
"Close the door on your way out." I call before entering my room again.
"Who was that?" Stan asks as I sit our stuff down between us.
"Nobody important."
As I'm putting away groceries I realize that I forgot to pick up a carton of eggs. With a sigh I put away the groceries and take out the ingredients I'm going to need to make meatloaf tonight. I quickly make my way to my car and down to the grocery store. After searching for a parking space I quickly back into it and jump out. I get two cartons of eggs, milk, and more tv dinners, pop-tarts and ice cream and neatly place them all in my cart before hurrying to the checkout lane. Spotting an open lane with only a couple of people with baskets I turn the corner and instantly there's a clash of metal.
"Oops, sorry!" I automatically say as I back away a bit.
"It's okay, I should've been paying attention to my surroundings. Hi, I think we met before."
"Yes, you're Blake right? I'm Sharon."
"Yes, and you're the cool nurse from Hell's Pass, nice to see you again. How have you been?"
"Good, today is my day off so I'm just doing a little grocery shopping."
"Yeah, I actually just came in to pick up some stuff, but had to-"
"Come back because you forgot something else." I say completing his sentence.
"Yeah, how did you know?" Blake asks with a smile and I smile back.
"I actually forgot something too which is insane because I always-"
"Bring a list." I raise my eyebrows in question and Blake pulls a small note pad out of his jacket and waves it. "Lucky guess, I keep one too. I just like being really precise on what exactly it is that I need and want."
"Me too, my husband usually just picks up whatever's good or any sweet things the kids want."
"Lucky guy he is then, well, anyway I should let you go, I still have a few more things to pick up." Blake moves to go in the direction I just came from, but I stop him with a gentle hand on his black sweater covered arm as he passes by.
"Do you mind if we go to lunch or something? I mean you seem like a nice guy and all."
"Sure," Blake nods, "But your husband wouldn't mind will he?"
"Oh, no it'll be fine, just two friends having lunch."
"Okay, well then that's fine. How about we meet at this new restaurant called Jackson's."
"Sure, how about Friday at one?"
"That perfect. See you soon."
"Bye."
I finally head to one of the checkout lanes and even though the lines have gotten longer and I'm currently standing behind a soccer mom with about three full carts I still can't get rid of the giddiness inside of me. I feel like a highschool girl who just got asked to prom, it's distressing. Taking out my phone I decide to call Randy, my husband and see what he's up to and to just hear his voice right now.
But as expected...it goes straight to voicemail. I swallow the uncomfortable lump in my throat and leave the usual message: "Hi Randy, it's me I just wanted to call to see how you were, so just call me back whenever you get the chance...bye." I hang up and quickly move along in the line. I think I honestly just need a break, this just reassures my decision to just go to lunch with someone that isn't always Brad, Darren, and Sheila, someone new and as charming as Blake will be perfect.
"Shit!" I groan and run my fingers through my hair, gripping tightly at the red curls on top of my head. I watch in only mild fascination as Samantha or Jessica? Or whoever continues to balance herself on her knees while completely naked as she sucks me off furiously. She just looks so starved for it and dying to get me off, I like that. She's practically been begging to hook up for the past couple of weeks and the more and more she's tried to get my attention, the more and more I've become annoyed.
I was bored so I invited her over and this just makes up for her annoying ways. She barely holds me with one dainty hand and squeezes her pink nipples with another, but I'm barely paying attention to her at this point. I finally reach my peak with a low groan and my smirk widens as I feel her swallow my load. I grab a tissue off of my bedside and wipe off as she smiles up at me. Discarding the used tissue I run my hand through her blonde hair before pulling my grey boxer shorts and jeans up and zipping up. "So, that was cool." I comment Idly.
"Totes. I just knew when Amy told me you were amazing...let's just say I knew she couldn't possibly be lying. I had to taste you."
"Amy?" I ask as she continues to kiss and lick my neck. She stops and begins laughing and her boobs jiggle weirdly as she does.
"Yeah, she said she slept with you at that girl Heidi's party. She's been bragging about it like crazy! But from the sounds of it, it must've not been so good…" The girl continues to giggle and kiss me. I do remember Amy, I remember how loud she screamed when I fucked her from behind.
"Oh, I remember her, she was nice." The girl Amanda (I remember now) smirks and why am I even having this conversation with her. This is only a one night stand meaning we have one night of sex and you stand your ass up and leave my house.
"How good? I bet she wasn't as good as me!" Hmph, I've actually have had better. She tries to kiss my mouth and I effectively dodge it and stand. I find her blue frilly bra and matching panties and hand them to her along with her short blue jeans and white sweater. Amanda stares at me a bit incredulous, but I ignore it and opt to check my messages on my phone. "Fine!" The girl shuffles off of my bed and quickly gets dress before opening and slamming my door shut, the sound of the front door slamming shut echoes throughout the empty house. With my dad going along with my mom out of town to one of her protests or whatever committee meeting it is this week and Ike hanging out at one of his friend's house it's been fairly quiet.
So with a yawn I grab my covers of my bed and throw them in the downstairs washing machine. I grab a water bottle and chug like half of it before the doorbell rings. I take my time going to the door as the person continues to ring incessantly. When I open the door I instantly regret it.
"Long time no see Kyle."
"Gary." I greet dryly.
"Well, aren't you going to let me in?"
"No." Gary gives me a look that says that I really don't have a choice in this matter. I clench my jaw and open the door wider letting Gary in. It's quiet for a long moment in which I just lean against the front door and Gary just paces around like a predatory lion before speaking.
"You've been avoiding me. Why?"
"You know why?"
"No, clarify it for me?" Gary asks nicely, but it's nothing nice about this situation.
"I can't do this."
"Why not?" I don't answer, but Gary continues, "I thought maybe if I gave you a bit of space you would eventually come to me, why am I the one that's always running back to you?"
"I told you Gary, I'm done."
"No, you're not. I'm not done with you, so we're not done."
"What do you want from me?" I ask throwing my hands up.
"You know what I want. Why can't you j-just stop fighting me, stop fighting us!"
"I don't want this. Look, I told you I made a mistake. It was only-"
"One time? But what about the times you called me over in tears because you needed something, someone to fill that space, that void inside of you. Someone to just hold you-"
"Stop."
"No, I won't. I want you Kyle, I need you to want me. I know you do, why can't you just admit it." I stare at Gary and I just want him to go. He's fucking suffocating me.
"I don't."
"Ky." He says and his voice breaks.
"Don't call me that. Just... Gary just leave." I stand firm and ignore the twisting of my gut as Gary stares at me hurt by my words. This was never so supposed to happen, he was never supposed to want to crawl into my bed. I fucked up.
"Fine. One day you're going to realize that no one has been there like I fucking have, no one will love you as much as I fucking do."
Gary leaves and I let him. Its for the best, this is not the way things were supposed to be.