Pretend
"What are you doing?"
Looking up from my phone I see Wendy sitting across from me at my table in the library. She doesn't look angry or upset, but from the way she's staring at me I can tell she's about a few seconds off from snapping at me. She's eager for answers that much is true.
"Nothing. What do you want?" I ask as I place my phone on the dark stained oak table in front of me.
"Can't I just talk to you?" Wendy asks and I raise my eyebrows in skepticism at that statement, "We are friends, right?" I continue to stare at Wendy and she continues to look uncomfortable under my scrutiny.
"Fine," I'll play along, "What's on your mind?"
"Work. Food...Stan."
Speaking of food I sent one of the sophomore guys to get me something from the vending machines earlier and he still hasn't made it back. But I'll indulge Wendy nonetheless, "Why Stan? You guys are broken up," I take a sip of my red bull and Wendy looks so crestfallen at my mentioning of Stan. "So I've heard," I tack on as I sit my drink back down.
Wendy holds up a hand, "No, no I know everyone knows. It's fine." She pushes tangled strands of hair out of face with a huff before proceeding to glare at the table.
Damn, Stan must've really did a number on Wendy. I know I practically pushed Stan in that direction, but I didn't expect for him to go total nuclear. I assumed it'd be like one of their usual breakups which consisted of Stan being a sex deprived single man and Wendy being more bossy than usual. Which would ultimately lead to their gross and obnoxious reunion. It was like a never-ending cycle. And I honestly don't know what to say to Wendy because Stan is usually the one who is a trainwreck, but as Wendy continues to sniffle and stare gloomily at the table before us and I know I need to do something. I have to be, ugh, nice.
"Wendy do you wanna come with me to get something to eat?" Wendy looks up at me and nods.
"Yes, that's fine. I feel like I'm starving."
"Being sad or depressed can physically as well as mentally and emotionally drain you. That's why it's best to always remember to eat something." I advise as we both collect our bags and stand up.
"What? How did y-you-" Wendy starts as we exit out of the near deserted library and out into the cold Fall air.
"Let's just say I've dealt with heartbreak. Not personally, but I've taken care of someone who has." I reply as we round the corner to the student parking lot. We both look around at the couple cars still present and I don't spot Wendy's silver volkswagen.
"I rode with Bebe to school today," Is all she says and I nod before motioning for her to get inside of my hummer. Not wasting anymore time I hurriedly pull out the student parking lot and don't bother actually slowing down for the yellow light that greets us upon exit.
"Why did you pick this?" Wendy asks suddenly.
"Pick what?" I ask as I turn into an adjacent left lane before stopping at a red light.
"This car, this color?"
"I like the fact that hummers are huge although nowadays they are more overlooked than not. Plus I've always wanted one and I like the color yellow, it's kewl."
"Coew," Wendy repeats and I grin at the way she pronounces it.
"No it's like you're saying the first two syllables of the word cute, the word ew, but adding and 'l' on the end. Kewl."
"Cu-ew-l. Kewl."
"Yeah, like that."
"Who even came up with that?" Wendy laughs, "I like it...Have you ever been in love Eric?"
"What?" I snort, but not commenting on the abrupt subject change, "No. Love is for losers and people who like sad songs and lifetime movies."
"Seriously, you've never felt strongly about someone? Someone you could imagine spending the rest of your life with, growing old together?" Wendy asks and why does she have to be so damn dramatic.
"Nope."
"So you're just a plain non-believer."
"No, I just do not believe in the love you believe in. Yes, I get it girls like you want to have a dramatic, never-ending love that you can brag about to all your friends. And I get that you want someone to love you when you're toothless and wrinkled, but I just think all of that is bullshit."
"What?" Wendy asks, scandalised.
"It's wishful thinking to believe that things will always turn out perfect." Wendy makes a noise of disbelief at my comments as she continues to stare outside of the passenger side window. "Let's take you and Stan for example, you thought you would marry the guy, but look what happened. Love isn't always happy and sunshine with rainbows. It can fucking suck and tear you apart."
There's a long moment of silence until Wendy's voice breaks it, "That was very...intense coming from a guy who's never been in love before."
"Just because I have never experienced it doesn't mean I don't know what it is capable of."
"But you haven't gone through the motions...I get that Stan I are finally done and that he doesn't want to be with me, and that there are probably better people out there for the both of us, but-but I just don't care!"
I briefly glance over at Wendy and I notice the tears that are running down her face and onto her collarbone. "It hurts! It hurts to know that the last time I kissed his lips would actually be the last and that he would never look at me the way he used to! I just," Wendy takes a shuddery breath, "I just feel like I wasted so much time trying to make a future for myself, so we can be comfortable, so I won't wake up twenty or thirty years from now and hate myself for not doing anything. For not having a working hard to have a career and doing the things that I want."
She throws her hands up helplessly, "I wanted us to work. Despite all of our breakups and all of the tears we cried that's all I wanted. And now all I can think about is what if? What if I didn't take this internship, what if I called him back the times I swore I would, but never really did, what if I reminded him that I loved him! What if, right?" Wendy wipes her red eyes, but it doesn't stop the tears that continue to fall from her light brown eyes. I stop the car as Wendy continues to cry and although it's heart-wrenching (even for me) to hear I let her. I have the inkling feeling that she's been bottling this all inside...and the dam has finally broken. "I wish he would've told me that things weren't good anymore, that he just didn't love us anymore."
"Wendy," I say and she turns her brown doe eyes onto me as they continue to leak more tears, "It wasn't your fault." Wendy breaks down at my words and I ignore the fact that she unceremoniously unbuckles her seat belt to pull me into her clutch. And I ignore the increasingly growing wet patch on my shoulder as she cries. I feel bad for her, I totally do.
This situation is completely fucked up, but it reassures me that I did the right thing. That there's gotta be something good in store considering that Wendy, who is constantly striving for complete perfection is weeping on my shoulder. There has to be something better for all of us. Because if not...if all of this shit I've done thus far was for nothing then I don't even...no. I don't want to even think about that, it just has to all pull through. One way or another.
"What are you going to do for your birthday?" Craig asks me as we sit on his back patio. I close my eyes and lean against one of the lounge chairs completely exhausted from practice today. Craig taps my thigh and I look beside me and his light blue-grey are slightly worried. I give him a small smile to let him know I'm fine, but even as he lets the cloud of cigarette smoke flit from his mouth he doesn't look convinced.
"I don't know, I think I just wanna do something with the guys. Nothing big."
"Really? No, dude you have to do something big. You're turning eighteen and I refuse to let you sit at home and host another movie night." I nod at Craig's words, but I'm just not feeling the importance of it.
"I'm just not feeling it. It's like I know I'm gonna be eighteen, and that's supposed to be some type of milestone, but…"
"It just feel so dull in comparison to everything else."
"Yeah. I don't have it in me to plan a party."
"You know what? Because I love you I'll plan your party," I chuckle at Craig's proclamation and stare at him in surprise as he continues, "all you have to do is show up and have a good time."
"T-that would be so awesome, but are you sure you wanna do everything?"
"Yeah, why not? My parents are going out of town next weekend for 'bonding time' and Ruby will be at Karen's. Thank christ," Abruptly Craig's phone chimes startling both of us. Craig reaches inside of his black pullover hoodie and pulls out his phone.
He stares at the screen for a moment and quickly taps his fingers across the screen before stuffing it back inside of his pocket. "Fucking Tweek," He comments after a moment before continuing to smoke his cigarette.
"What happened now?" I ask a grin pulling at the corners of my lips.
"He's been acting weird since Kyle's party."
"Weird like how?"
"He's constantly bailing on me or making up excuses on why we can't hangout. It sucks."
"Have you tried asking him why?" I ask picking up the large bag of mini chocolates beside me and eating a couple.
"Yes, multiple times, but he swears that it's nothing. And I know I can be a jerk sometimes, but Tweek?"
"What happened at Kyle's party? That's probably the answer."
"He came onto me."
"What?" I almost choke at Craig's words. I quickly swallow the melted chocolate before speaking,
"Really?"
He just nods and stubs out his cigarette on the dark wood patio floor and I am completely floored. I know that Tweek has feelings for Craig, but I never thought he'd have the guts to actually act upon it. "It didn't go that far before he conked out, but he was so fucking hot."
"Maybe he's embarrassed and thinks it's best to put space between you and him."
"You're right, he's probably confused because I sure am, but that doesn't mean I want him to avoid me."
"Why don't you talk to him. At the party next weekend, he's sure to come."
"Then it's a plan. It's not like he can avoid me in my own house."
"Right," I agree and make a small noise of protest as Craig grabs a handful of my chocolates.
"Fine," Craig says as he eats a couple before standing.
"Where're you going?"
"Inside to get a orange or somethin'."
"Can you bring me one of those smoothies your mom buys?"
"No," He replies stubbornly, crossing his arms across his chest.
"I'll split the bag with you," I compromise shaking the bag of chocolates.
"Okay," Craig quickly agrees and I roll my eyes.
"Did you seriously just trick me into giving you more of my chocolate?"
"I genuinely didn't think you'd be that gullible Stan," Craig laughs and I flip him off in return.
"Hate you, you fucker," I mumble, but he hears it anyway from the sound of laughter that follows.
"Love you," Is all he says before going through the large glass sliding door that leads back inside of his house.
Waiting for Craig's long 'awaited' return I close my eyes enjoying the silence around me right now. This week hasn't been easy at all. My mom is becoming more annoyed at my dad's missing presence which eventually led to a screaming match on the phone last night. I can't say that I blame her because it's secretly bothering me too. I'm trying to make it seem and look like it doesn't bother me much, but my mind is swarming with unanswered questions.
I finally talked to my dad two weeks ago and all he could do was reassure me that he would be home soon, but why did he even leave in the first place? I faintly hear a familiar ringing and when I'm finally able to step outside of my head for a moment I move to remove my phone from my pocket and answer it.
"Question, would you ever consider getting a chimpanzee?" Kyle's deep and raspy voice fills my ears upon answering and only after it stops do I realize that he asked me something.
"No, why?"
"Because they are considered to be one of the smartest animals on this planet that's why. You could, like, teach it how to talk and stuff."
"Like planet of the apes?"
"Yeah, it'd be really cool."
I laugh, "Nah, I don't think so. It'll probably lock me out of the house or somethin" I reply and there's a pause before Kyle's laughing as well.
"True. But anyway what are you up to?"
"Nothing just hanging with Craig, you?"
"I'm at Clyde's with Token. We're playing his old nintendo."
"That's cool, sounds way better than freezing my balls off outside. But Craig and I were talking and he surprisingly wants to plan my birthday bash."
"Craig? Seriously," Kyle says in what I guess is in awe that Craig would agree to this.
"I know, it's gonna be sick," I agree.
"So where is Craig?"
"Inside grabbing some stuff."
"So you're alone?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"Just checking is all." I roll my eyes at that, but I can't really blame him for being cautious. If people knew we were talking and occasionally hanging out...I don't know what would happen, but I'm not sure if I want to find out.
"I'm not a total dwit."
"You're right. You're not a total dwit."
"Fuck off." I say a smirk curving my lips.
"Ooh touchy. Don't be offended," Kyle teases.
"I'm not."
"You are, you sound like I just pissed in your frosted flakes."
"Am not."
"Are to."
We both laugh and it's so incredibly silly. What are we, five? I feel like a kid sometimes when I talk to him. And I'm not really sure if that's a bad thing. It's been a week since our late night (or rather early morning) conversation and ever since then it seems as if a barrier has been removed. When he called me the day after and just started talking I was shocked to say the least.
Although, even I can admit conversation flows so easily between us and it almost feels like...we never stopped being friends at all. I can pretend that there isn't any hostility or tension, but whenever I see him at school or at the gas station I'm reminded of who we are. Who we're supposed to be.
"Hey, Stan I got you the strawberry kind because I know that you like that one." I freeze as Craig walks outside, sliding the door closed behind him.
"I uh gotta go," I mumble into the phone and don't wait for a reply before quickly ending the call and stuffing my phone in my pocket.
"Thanks man," I say as Craig sits in his previous spot next to me. We both crack the top on our individual smoothies and take a few delicious sips before Craig speaks.
"Who was that?"
"Who was what?" I ask feigning cluelessness.
"Who you were on the phone with. Must've been really interesting considering the grin on your face." Grinning? Me? Whaaat?
"I wasn't grinning," I reply as nonchalantly as I can.
Craig licks his upper lip of traces of his chocolate smoothie, "Yeah, you totally were. So who was it? Who's the lucky person?"
Seeing as Craig doesn't look like he's going to give this up I say the first person that comes to mind, "Kenny. He was just telling me how his boss almost fired Lance again."
"Did he almost set the microwave on fire while making popcorn, again?" We both laugh at that. Lance is Kenny's co-worker and can be such a twit and everyone in town knows it. Last year he almost burned down the auto shop Kenny works at trying to make popcorn, and the year before that he put oil on some poor lady's gas pedal.
"No, he 'accidentally' smashed the new back window they were supposed to install in someone's car." This isn't even a lie, Kenny told me earlier this week that this actually happened. I wipe small tears from the corner of my eyes. Damn, you can't make this shit up.
"Such an idiot I swear, oh my god." Craig comments while shaking his head.
We both continue to talk about other pointless and weird things, and I try to hide my small smiles at the occasional random texts Kyle sends me. And if Craig gives me a suspicious stare everytime I check my phone I pretend I don't notice.
"Hi, Mr. Garrison, I'm sorry to call you, knowing that you just left, but I need you to bring in the papers from our last PTA meeting."
I sigh as I listen to Principal Victoria's words and to say I'm annoyed would be a huge understatement, "Why didn't anyone think to tell me that before I left?"
There's a pause as I hear Victoria talking to someone in the background, "No one wanted to bother you. You appeared to have been in a rush." Yeah, a rush to get out that shit hole. "Once again I apologize and I hope that it wouldn't be too much of a burden," I roll my eyes as she continues, grabbing my coat in the process before leaving out of my warm house and out into the bone chilling outside breeze. "Although, I suppose you could bring in the files tomorrow before the faculty and staff meeting and-"
"Hey, Garrison!" I stop beside my car and pause for five seconds trying to calm my blood pressure down before turning around. I'm met with the sight of Blake Warrick standing ten meters away from my driveway. He walks closer and I try not to admire how gorgeous he is. This proves to be quite a feat. "Hey, I didn't know you lived here?"
My mind is slightly fogged, but I'm finally able to fumble out an "Okay," to Victoria before hanging up on her mid sentence and smiling at Blake. "Yes, so what are you doing here?"
He smiles back, blue eyes seemingly lighting up, "I was in the neighborhood," I'm not convinced, but Blake continues, "I was visiting a friend on her day off." Well that was just a huge let down. I try not to let it get to me too much as Blake continues to look at me with stunning blue eyes. Forty years old my ass.
"You know, you really don't need an excuse to stalk me." I chuckle at his surprise to my words.
"Really? I was convinced you'd never want to talk to me outside of office hours that is."
"No, you are a really interesting person Blake," I say not feeling up to entertaining formalities. If anything Blake's smile widens at that, "It's good to see you out of the professional setting."
"I agree," I shift the keys in my hand and Blake's eyes trail to the source of the sound, "Were you about to go somewhere?"
"Oh, no, my boss just wanted me to drop off some files, but I can do it tomorrow."
"Well great," I raise my eyebrows teasingly and Blake continues a bit flustered, "I didn't mean that it was good that you have to drop off files, I meant good as in I can ask you to lunch or…" I don't say anything, but my gentle smile doesn't drop and Blake notices, "Dinner. If you want that is?" Why is he so nervous?
It's intriguing because during office hours and class he appears to be so confident. Its way past the time for lunch, but dinner does sound fine. As I think this over I realize I haven't said anything for at least a minute and he opens his mouth to doubtlessly say something in fear that I'd decline, "Dinner would be good.
"We can go now if you want. If you have nothing else planned."
"No, my schedule is completely free this evening," When isn't it. Blake shows his approval and motions me over towards his car that's parked across the street.
(*)
Inside the car I expressed that I don't really have a preference because anything is fine. But to say I'm impressed with Blake's choice of dining would be an understatement. This is has to be the cutest restaurant I've ever seen located in the heart of downtown South Park. We exit Blake's black BMW and walk through a makeshift garden and a short cobblestone pathway leading to wrought iron double front doors, but similar doors are placed on the sides of the restaurant. There is a woman that greets us as we walk in and addresses Blake by name before leading us to our seats. The fairly young woman leads us to an outside dining area that is littered with french wrought iron seats and matching glass tables. We are seated and immediately given menus and once I've decided on what I wanted do I address his restaurant choice.
"Where did you find this little gem of a place?" I finally ask, "I've lived here for years and have never heard of this place."
"A friend of mine showed it to me."
"Is it the same friend of yours you spoke of earlier?"
"Yeah, it is actually." I vaguely want to know more about this 'friend' that Blake spoke about, but I think I'm more interested in who Blake is.
"So, why did you move to South Park?"
"Well, after my divorce was finalized with my ex-wife I landed the opportunity to work in Denver, but because city life has never really been my taste I much prefer to live in a small town. Who knows, maybe it's just the small town kid in me."
"South Park isn't as small as it used to be, but I guess it still is pretty small compared to Denver."
"Why did you choose to go back to school? You seem to live a very content life," Blake asks, effectively changing the subject.
"Well, it started as just something to do, to pass the time, but after my first few classes I became more engaged in the college class atmosphere and discussion. It's a good change up from the inane high school politics." I roll my eyes and Blake gives out a deep humorous laugh.
"Ah, how I do miss my high school days. When all I cared about was if the cute girl next door thought I was hot."
"I'm sure you were up to par."
"Are you kindin' me I was like a total nerd back then, but it couldn't stop a boy from dreaming."
"Textbook?" I ask mock appalled. I can't imagine Blake dressed in suspenders and wide framed glasses. Well, I can but that's a totally different discussion.
"Well, I was football captain, but mom was really strict about having good grades, she didn't want me to turn into a dumb meathead."
"So you were a smart meathead instead."
"Exactly," We both erupt into more light hearted laughter and soon a waiter walks up to our table to take our order. As he stops at our table I notice him as one of my students.
"Hi Mr. Garrison," Sandy greets me and he's nervous. As right as he should, that paper he turned in last week was awful. Well it wasn't really that awful compared to the other papers I've graded, but it wasn't the best he could do. "Yeah…" Sandy trails off before quickly glancing at Blake, but it doesn't do anything to lessen the tension in his shoulders. If anything he seems more nervous, "have you both decided on what you would like to order?"
"Yes, I would like the cajun seafood pasta with a blueberry iced tea." Blake orders a shrimp stir-fry with a lemonade spritzer and Sandy quickly writes it down on his small notepad after asking if we would like any appetizers and after we both decline he gives a small, but awkward glance at us both before leaving.
"Well, that was slightly awkward," I mumble and Blake laughs at that and it's as carefree as before.
And the rest of dinner seems to go just as that, lively and enjoyable. I honestly have had more fun with Blake in one night than I've had in awhile. Or since I first dated Mr. Slave and I've admittedly met many people after that dramatic relationship, but those are inadequate comparisons. Blake is one person I can admit has piqued my interest in a long time and it would be a real shame if I didn't take advantage of it. As we're walking to the car I'm obviously entranced by his radiating cobalt eyes, but he doesn't seem none the wiser. During the car ride I listen and engage in useless banter with Blake feeling more carefree than I have in ages.
When the car finally stops in front of my house I exit the car and I don't let my surprise show on my face as Blake silently exits as well, deciding to walk me to my door.
"I had a really good time with you tonight Garrison," Blake chuckles lightly and I lightly nudge him. "I still can't believe you don't want me to call you by your first name."
"I'm not really too fond of it, plus everyone calls me Garrison anyhow."
"But I like it, Herbert."
"Maybe...I can make an exception. Just for you though, so don't run down to the bars and tell anyone."
"Never," Blake says his voice as husky as ever. He's a bit hesitant and it's cute, but as he leans closer it becomes more endearing. I chuckle against his lips before Blake makes the connection between both of our mouths. It's a chaste kiss and as we break apart I feel the need to invite him in for something less innocent, but alas I have to be at work early tomorrow and I'm pretty sure that old hag that lives across the street from me is watching through her blinds.
Although, the heady stare he continues to give me leaves me to place a similar, but quicker kiss upon his lips before opening my door and practically pushing myself inside to decrease my need to completely ravage him on my doorstep. I sigh and briefly collect bearings before peaking out of the peephole at a shocked Blake. He stares at my door for a moment, a smile adorning his features as he shakes his head before retreating to his car and pulling off.