Maybe

"Hey, I'll see you guys later," I say to Christophe and Gregory as they both leave the already dwindling party. They both give me hugs before going to their black porsche panamera and taking off and as I wave and hug everyone else my eyes are still wondering every outside surface. When nothing catches my eye, specifically a head of bright red hair the smile I've had pasted on my face slowly dissipates. Craig's long turned the music off, but even before I cut the cakes almost everyone was too gone to even realize.

My smile returns as I remember practically being hauled off by Craig as I exited his bedroom and forced to close my eyes. I could feel hands all over my shoulders and even someone smacking my butt, before I was finally told I could open my eyes. Everyone surrounding me in a makeshift circle in the kitchen, the only light being the oversized candles that sat in both of my birthday cakes. One cake was a clear baking attempt that was completely covered in heavy amounts of light blue icing whereas the second looked more store bought considering the neat edges, careful designs and the words, 'Happy 18th Birthday' spelt in red icing, but both looked amazing nonetheless. And everyone was there...except for one person.

I can still feel the way his red lips moved against mine and it doesn't matter how many times I continue to bite my lips, it doesn't compare to the feeling of him biting them. I suspected he would bail considering that if anyone would've taken a good look at the both of us it would be obvious that something happened. Although, no one has seemed to noticed my swollen lips, slightly messy hair, and dazed eyes, and thank fuck for that.

"Stan?" I look beside me and notice that Bebe's standing right there.

"Hey," I say giving her a slightly unsure smile, not knowing where we stand after I broke up with her best friend.

"Don't look like that," She starts, "I honestly was pissed at you because of how you broke up with Wendy, but really what's the use? I know that you probably didn't mean to hurt her and I know that she's just hurt despite her claiming to hate you." I try to not let my face show any surprise at that.

I know that Bebe is a good person and that she actually cares a lot, but I saw exactly how pissed off she can get after her public breakup with Kyle. And I really don't want the first hand experience of that hostility. I just nod at her words as she continues to speak, "-But anyway, happy birthday Stan," She gives me a short hug before walking to her car.

"What was that about?" Kenny asks as he sidles next to me.

"Oh, she was just explaining how she's not pissed at me and Wendy breaking up. And...all is good pretty much."

Kenny laughs, "She's not gonna punch you in the face Stan."

"I know that now, but I still know what's she's capable of."

"Yeah, and that was one time and because Kyle royally fucked her over."

"What did he do anyway?"

"I don't know Bebe briefly said something about him cheating on her."

"Oh," Is all I say, no longer interested in this topic.

"Crazy right? I mean who wouldn't want to be with Bebe."

"I don't know? You? You haven't really claimed her as your girlfriend, but you guys still have sex."

"Not anymore we don't. And that is because I'm trying to figure myself out, I just found out that I'm attracted to guys, and I don't want to put her through that."

"That's really good of you Ken."

Kenny waves me off, "No, it's the right thing to do," he states.

"Anyway, were you able to find Kyle?" I ask, hoping my voice doesn't give way to how excited I am at the idea.

"No, I think he went home. Nevermind the fact that we rode over together."

"Well, Craig's house isn't too far from his own."

"Have you noticed that something is off?" Kenny asks suddenly.

"No, why?"

"Like with Craig," I silently release the breath I was holding, "Something is not right. He's been trying to mask it, but…"

"I guess, but he's inside putting things away." Kenny doesn't say anything to this and seems to be in a contemplative mood. I honestly hadn't felt that anything was really off, but knowing Kenny he probably has some keen sense that can pick up on these type of things. "Do you wanna come to my place?" I find myself asking after a moment.

Kenny brightens, "Sure, we can go now. Did you drive here?"

"No, Token brought me here."

"Cool, well let's go princess," Kenny says with a smirk, and I grin in return before pushing his shoulder and following him to his car.

(*)

When we enter the front door of my house we're greeted by warmth and Sparky and Rover surrounding our legs. Kicking off my shoes I lean down to scratch behind their ears. Rover licks my palm and I stare at her fondly. I can't believe its been two years since I've adopted her, she's changed so much from the dog she used to be. Rover's previous owners moved and abandoned her in their empty backyard and months later someone found her and gave her to the local animal shelter. Although, when I first met her while volunteering at the shelter she rarely played with any of the other dogs and she was so scared of any interaction which caused many people to often overlook her, but it just made me want to adopt her even more, so I did.

With one last pat to Sparky's head I head into the kitchen and am greeted by mom's usual sticky note posted to the refrigerator telling me that she was called into work and that dinner is in the oven. I ball the paper up in my fist before throwing it in the trash before following the memorized directions, setting the timer and warming up the shrimp scampi bake in the oven. Meanwhile I decide to take Sparky and Rover outside for a walk and wait for them to do their business. When their done we return back inside and I refill their dishes with fresh water and food.

I grab two cokes from the fridge, and check the timer on the stove before joining Kenny in the living room. I pass him one as I sit down and tune in to the show Kenny has settled on. We watch and idly comment on the show before the timer sounds from the kitchen and I remove the shrimp bake from the oven and grab two forks before reclaiming my spot on the sofa. We both dig in immediately despite burning our impatient mouths in the process.

When we've finished off the baked pasta I wash the dish out and Kenny keeps me good humored company before we retire upstairs, the dogs scampering behind us. The dogs settle in their large doggy beds and I go to the bathroom and change into a pair of grey drawstring sweatpants and a black t-shirt before brushing my teeth.

Kenny joins me a moment later dressed in similar sweatpants and retrieves his red toothbrush that's reserved for whenever he decides to sleepover. After we're done and I'm in the process of pushing off the multiple pillows that I have on my bed before pulling the covers back I notice that Kenny's standing in the middle of my dark bedroom.

"Are you gonna get in?" I ask, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

"I was thinking that maybe I should sleep on the sofa downstairs."

I sit on my bed and stare at Kenny. Is he serious right now? "No, dude, why would you do that?" I'm genuinely curious, but he makes no moves to answer so I continue, "I'm not going to attack you if that's what you think."

Kenny grins and without another moment's hesitation he slides in the bed next to me, "Oh please, you wouldn't have the guts to," He laughs.

Once we're both settled beside each other in my too spacious bed and there's a comfortable silence among us I find the nerve to ask (seems like I'm taking a lot of risks tonight), "Why were you so hesitant about getting into bed with me?"

"I don't know. I was just thinking too much about...everything."

"Like what?" I ask curiously and genuinely enjoying the soft hum of Kenny's voice right now.

"About kissing you," He says as his honest blue eyes meet mine. "I keep thinking that it would have changed at least one aspect of our friendship, but surprisingly it hasn't. And then I start wondering if I grossed you out or something because you barely even reacted."

"I wasn't grossed out. It was...nice." It's the truth and I honestly don't feel weird admitting it.

"Really?"

"Yeah, why would I be grossed out by you?

"So, you wouldn't mind if I kissed you again?"

I shake my head, "I wouldn't mind." Kenny chuckles before lacing his right hand with my left and squeezing it gently before letting go.

"You're too charming for your own good Stan." I smile at that and silence falls upon us again in which I notice that Kenny has fallen asleep. My eyelids grow heavy, but I think about Kyle and how much my charm dulls in comparison to his before finally letting my eyes fall shut.

(*)

I'm woken up by the shrill sound of my phone ringing and I groan, unconsciously searching for the device in the bed before remembering that I plugged it up before bed. With a sexy grunt (not) I reluctantly pry my eyes open and sit up in bed. I rub my eyes with the heels of my palms and the ringing has stopped by now but immediately starts back up. Grabbing my phone I quickly unplug it before answering the damn thing.

" 'Ello?" I say into the receiver as I try to gather my bearings.

"Hey," Kyle's voice answers and it's like a bucket of ice was thrown on top of me.

"Hey," I greet trying to sound more alert than I really am as I untangle myself from my blankets.

"So, about last night," He starts and I bite my lip at the thought before looking around my room for something to distract me.

"Yeah?"

"I want to talk about what happened," My gaze briefly settles on my sleeping dogs before gliding over to the TV, my reflection staring back at me as I gnaw on my bottom lip. "Look, what happened was-"

"A mistake?" I fill in and I sigh deeply and try to slow my heartbeat. This is not how I wanted to wake up, but I continue, "That we should forget about it? I mean it has been three years and we can't just pretend nothing ever happened between us."

"Stan-"

"For chrissake Kyle, we hated each other for three years. We're still supposed to hate each other."

"Stan-"

"And last night when you kissed me, we got so carried away and it was like the wall that had been holding us back for so long was destroyed and-and-"

"Stan." I finally stop rambling at that. "I know this situation is weird and a complete and utter clusterfuck, but I don't want to cut you out of my life again."

His words echo in my brain. He doesn't? "You don't?"

"No. I know that we can't possibly tell people that we're friends so we are going to have to be discreet about it, but...maybe this could work."

Friends. He wants to be...friends? I think about the way he attacked my lips last night...right. Friends.

"Okay," I breathe out at last.

"Good, so what do you think about coming over?"

"Today?" I ask and my heart jumps in my chest as my door opens and Kenny walks in with a half eaten banana in his hand.

"Right now." I try not to smile at that.

Kenny flops on my bed and stares at me from upside down as he eats his banana, "Uhm, yeah how about later. It is still really early."

"It's noon," As he says this I momentarily pull the phone away from ear to stare at the time and it reads exactly, "Are you busy?"

"No, well yeah, kinda. I'm hanging out with Kenny."

"Oh," Is all he says and I bite my cheek to hold in my laughter as Kenny puts the banana peel on his nose and crosses his eyes.

Kenny throws the peel at me and we toss it back and forth and on my last toss the peel effectively covers his mouth. And as he sputters horribly at the stringy banana bits I laugh before instantly remembering the phone glued to my ear, "Sorry, Kenny is...being distracting, but we can-"

"I get it, you're busy. No worries."

"I will call you," I insist.

"Swear?" He asks and I nod before remembering he can't see me.

"Pinkie."

"Slow down right here," I say and instantly Georgie's speed decreases to something in similar to a snails pace and I'm sitting on the edge of my seat now. "Filmore," I call and he stops with a long sigh before looking at me and Georgie stops the car.

"What do you want?" Filmore asks as he adjusts his dark blue duffle bag on his shoulder. "I'm tired from practice and I just wanna go home."

"We can take you."

"No, I'd rather walk and then get hit by a bus than to get in the car with this freak," Filmore says motioning to Georgie.

"Fuck you. I don't even want your conformist ass to even touch my seats. You're on very thin ice, dick."

Filmore stares at Georgie throughout his entire rant before silently walking again and I nudge my boyfriend's shoulder to start driving again. He mumbles something under his breath, but I ignore it as we continue.

"Why won't you talk to me Fil? Is that so hard?"

"Sort of, yeah." Well, I didn't expect that response.

"But I thought we were good? Last time we hadn't talked for weeks and now you're doing the same thing, again? Tell me what's going on with you!" The car halts and so does Filmore's pace.

"Fine. I can't-" Filmore's eyes dart from mine to Georgie's quickly. "What you're both doing, it's wrong. I know you're my best friend, but dude, you are cheating on your girlfriend with one of your close friends and it sucks having to play both sides, alright? I see Ruby when she's down and upset about you not returning her phone calls or you not spending enough time with her just so you can do whatever with this asshole," Filmore throws his hands up.

"Hey, shut your fucking mouth!" Georgie shouts as he leans over me.

"Oh please, spare me Firkle!" I grit my teeth at that and before I'm able to calm Georgie down he's flinging himself out of the car and storming towards Filmore. They are about the same height the only difference being that Georgie is much thinner. Although, that doesn't stop him from grabbing Filmore by his red shirt and jerking him forward.

"Don't fucking call me that. If I ever, ever hear you call me that again, I'll hurt you." It's silent. Not even the chirping of birds and crickets dare to break the heavy silence that cloaks us. Georgie means it. And by the unsure way Filmore is staring at him he knows it. They've always argued and bantered and joked about doing physical harm to the other, but it never got as bad as this. It's an established rule that we wouldn't call him by his birth name. He hates it...although it wasn't always like that.

More precisely it happened during our second year of middle school where he had gotten into a really bad fight after school that left him in the hospital for a week. His parents showed up to sign papers, but they refused to see him because they had heard why he was almost beaten to the death. Georgie was gay. He was always teased and picked on about liking guys, but when he finally confessed to actually being gay a few people didn't accept that.

He was jumped after school by two guys as another held him down, they had ripped his pant legs and drew multiple jagged cuts in his legs, arms, and wrists. They left him to bleed out and the only person to find him as he sat in a pool of his own blood was a custodian worker who had forgotten something inside of the school. And on the day he was released I walked him home and till this day I think it will always haunt me the way he looked that day. He looked so troubled, and scared to even walk inside of his own house. I had never seen that look in his grey eyes before and it chilled me right down to the bone.

Immediately I tried to convince him we could go to my house and to Starks and we did, but inevitably he had to go home and I couldn't stop his parents from jerking him inside of the house before promptly slamming the door in my face. I could hear the screaming and yells from inside and it was horrible. I tried the door and of course it was locked, but that didn't stop me from banging on the front door so hard I could feel my knuckles cutting against the old wood, but no one answered. I listened to his screams and I felt so helpless...so useless. I was always the one in our small group that knew what to do and I couldn't even help one of my best friends, the boy I sat in the hospital with everyday for a week.

I couldn't do a damn thing and I hated it, and I hated myself for it. After the sounds of his screaming disappeared I had to force myself away from the door, so I ran, and ran, and ran until I was sick. I cried until I could barely breathe and after what felt like hours I finally went home. Ever since that night Georgie wasn't the same, he didn't talk to his parents and neither did they, he shunned them and the name they gave him. And although his cuts and bruises healed, some proved to be too damaging.

Things are better now despite what had happened and the guys who attacked Georgie were properly dealt with and expelled, but never will any of us forget. Before that night no one had ever been shunned for being gay (considering the multiple people who are gay in South Park) let alone attacked.

A week later he filed to legally change his name and his parents carelessly signed the documents and even though he wouldn't admit it I know that it hurt to see that your own parents cared so little about you. But nonetheless it was the first day Georgie actually smiled again and for that I was more than happy for him. And his parents seem to pretty much give and let him do anything as long as they don't have to put up with him. And honestly, the less he has to do with his parents the better.

Filmore's eyes ultimately contorts into regret, but his jaw remains locked as Georgie pushes him away hard. "Look, nobody's forcing you to play both sides," Georgie says finally. "I get it. You hate this, but I love Ike and that's not going to change any time soon. You hate that I'm with Ike and honestly whether you admit it or not you dislike me for more than that."

"You're wrong," Filmore coldly states.

"No, it's always been that way. You think I stole him away from you. That's why we're always at each other throats. It may be funny and normal banter, but I would be stupid not to notice the looks you give me when you think I'm not looking. That's also why you stopped talking to Ike for months."

"No, that's not true! I was pissed that he stole Ruby away from me. He knew that I was interested in her, he knew that I wanted her!"

"She's not a possession! And he never stole her away, you never had her to begin with. Yeah, he fucked up, but you had plenty of opportunities to finally confess your feelings to Ruby."

"That's not the point."

"It is. And you know it. It just proves my point that it was always more than that."

"Is it true?" I ask as I center my attention on Filmore and my voice sounds so quiet in comparison to their recent shouting.

"Of course not!"

"Filmore," Georgie says and I can tell he's becoming really fed up with him, "Admit it! Stop fucking around. He's your best friend, so talk to him!" With that Georgie storms back to the driver's side and gets in. He shoots me one look and I unbuckle my seatbelt. When I'm about to open the door he stops me with a hand on my arm, "Let him talk to you. I don't know why he's being such an asshole. More than usual." He squeezes my arm and I nod before exiting.

I face Filmore as Georgie drives away and he doesn't seem to want to be in my presence at all. We stare at each other a moment longer before Filmore clicks his teeth and continues walking and follow beside him. Great. Here I am on a school night practically begging my best friend to speak to me. Awesome.

"Can you just talk to me?" I find myself mumbling after a long duration of painful minutes have ticked by. He doesn't say anything and by looking at his face I can't even tell what he's thinking. "I'm sorry," I start and he sighs loudly. I'm tempted to just shut up, but swallowing my pride and stubbornness I continue because he's expecting me to give up.

"I know you confided in me about how much you liked Ruby. I-I wasn't-I didn't plan to ask her out...it just happened...The night before I called Ruby...was the first time I kissed Georgie." He doesn't say anything, his face still stone, "And I freaked. So many things were running through my head, like does this mean I'm gay now? How will my parents react? What would Kyle think? What would you think? I couldn't tell you and I couldn't tell anyone.

I was so confused and on the edge of loosing my mind because every time I saw Georgie I would think about that kiss and I wasn't ready to accept that I was attracted to him or any guy for that matter. Ruby was there and she just looked so beautiful, so I kissed her hoping her lips would feel greater than Georgie's did while pressed against mine. I wanted to just forget everything. And what better way to prove that I wasn't attracted to the same sex than to date Ruby. She's beautiful and and she was the shoulder I cried on whenever my thoughts became too hectic and I couldn't control them. She was there for me, no questions asked." I pause in my tirade, my feet still moving against the asphalt.

"I was selfish. I realize that now. When I see they way you look at me, the way you don't want to even be around me it hurts because, dude, you're my best friend." It's silent for a while as we draw closer to Filmore's house. I'm at my end. I feel like I opened a box of unwanted feelings that I wish I could stuff back inside. I hate feeling like I'm losing my best friend.

"I was selfish too," Filmore utters and for a moment I thought I imagined he had said anything at all.

I look at Filmore, "What?"

"I said I was selfish. I…" He stops briefly, his face twisting up in confusion as if he's trying to figure out how to word things, "I was hurt that you asked Ruby out, but the more I tried to convince myself that it was the reason why I was pushing you away, the more it didn't feel right and it just didn't feel true. You were hanging out with Georgie more and...and don't laugh you fucker...but I was honestly jealous. You are my best friend, why does he deserve so much of your attention? Even after I caught you guys making out I still didn't understand. I still don't."

"So, you're upset because we didn't spend enough time together?"

"Don't make it sound like that," Filmore says shooting me a look.

"I'm not. Why didn't you just tell me?"

"What was I supposed to say, 'Ike, I want you to hangout with me, not that fucker that you're possibly fucking.' I sound like a bitch."'

"No, you don't." Filmore stares at me and I grin, "Maybe, but I wouldn't have cared if you said that. You know that I can be an huge idiot sometimes."

Filmore lips quirk up in a small smile, "You're not an idiot, you're just sometimes too oblivious for your own good."

I nudge him, "And at fear of sounding gay, I missed you too."

"Ugh, so gay," Filmore mock complains.

"So, am I not allowed to admit I missed my best friend?"

"No," Filmore says but he has his usual lopsided smile on his face.

"Fine," I say as he slings his arm around my shoulders.

"Are you...and Georgie fucking?"

"Why? Wanna join?" I taunt.

"What? No," Filmore declines quickly.

"You sure?" I continue to tease. "Maybe we can finally be as close as you want."

"Really?" He asks contemplatively.

"Yeah." I think about this as we walk up Filmore's driveway.

"Maybe, in another life," He says and we halt in our steps. I stare at him before knocking heads together. Imagining me and Filmore together...it's actually not too far fetched considering we're best friends after all, but I can't honestly see us being more than that.

"Maybe," I find myself saying anyway. I pull my phone out of my back pocket and check the time. My mom is gonna kill me if I don't make it home in time for dinner. Its already dark out.

"I think it's only right that you stay for dinner seeing as we just repaired our friendship and all." I laugh at, yeah it wouldn't hurt. Plus this will be the first time in what feels like months that we've hung out alone.

"Fine, I'll stay." Filmore beams, perfect teeth and all, and I lightly nudge his left shoulder as he unlocks his front door.