Dancing with Girls
I've called at least twenty times today and there is still...no answer. I've been trying to pretend that it doesn't bother me, but it does. It fucking does. I don't want to come off as some love sick puppy because I'm not, I have other things and people I could be doing right now. I just prefer to stay locked inside of my room and glare hatefully at my ceiling while doubting my existence is all.
I press the ignore button for what seems like the thousandth time without looking who's dared to call me at this moment. Can't I brood alone? I've been nice all day and I just want to be alone. A few moments later this all proves futile at the sound of loud knocking on my bedroom door. I decide to just lay here hoping they will eventually go away.
Maybe it's Ruby again, but I'm pretty sure she's scampered off to one of her friends house to probably complain about me or whatever she does when she's not harassing our household. The knocking is insistent and it doesn't stop and it is now knocking some type beat on my door until I finally stand and swing the door open to reveal Kenny leaning against the door frame, hand poised to continue his horrendous knocking.
"What?" I greet beyond annoyed.
"Finally," Kenny comments none the least bothered as he ducks under my arm and into my dark room before flicking the lights on. I slam the door closed and squint my eyes at the assault of bright light that envelops my room as he makes himself comfortable in my desk chair. Spinning around he asks, "Were you beating off or something?" I ignore his question and opt to sit on my bed again. I bury my face in my hands and a second later feel cold fingers running gently through my dark locks. I don't even protest at the lovely feeling of Kenny's fingers as they continue to massage my head.
"What's wrong sweetheart?" He asks and I shake my head, not really wanting to speak, "But you have to tell me what's wrong so I can go kick whoever hurt you ass or asses."
"How noble," I comment practically dripping sarcasm.
"Yeah, well, I try. Tell me what's up with you, you've been acting different lately, something's bothering you?"
"I'm fine," I insist, but there's no real force behind it.
"Nope, don't believe it. Why are you lying to me sweetheart that's not fair-"
"It's Tweek," I finally say and take it as small victory at having (temporarily) rendered Kenny silent.
"He's not speaking to me. We sort of had a falling out and...he accused me of acting like his boyfriend." I laugh, but my heart isn't in it, "Me. Acting like his boyfriend."
"Well, did you think about why he said that?"
I glare at Kenny, but answer anyway, "Yes, and I still haven't figured it out."
"Maybe Tweek accused you of playing the boyfriend role because you tend to treat him that way. You treat him as if he's delicate or something. Tweek is the eighteen year old boy who gave you a black eye and I don't know too many people who are capable of doing that. He isn't something that needs to be protected."
"But," I protest and even to my ears it sounds weak, "I treat all my friends that way."
"True, you're protective of your friends, but with Tweek its on a whole different level. You remember sophomore year when Cartman tried to convince everyone that Tweek was secretly drinking extreme amounts of coffee again?"
"Yeah," I remember how upset Tweek was at the many looks people were giving him thinking that he had somehow 'relapsed' and would have one of his infamous old freak outs.
"We literally had to stop you from seriously injuring Cartman. I had never seen you so mad over a rumor."
"The fucker deserved it."
"Hey, I totally agree, but do you see how different you are when it concerns Tweek?"
"I guess," I say with an annoyed grunt. Fine, I admit it.
"I know you want into the guy's tight pants, but-"
"I don't!"
"Craig," Kenny says and the asshole actually looks disappointed in me, "Let's not do this. You like Tweek, you're into Tweek."
"What clued you in?" I ask after a few moments have passed, not even trying to deny it anymore.
"What didn't. You've been trying to get in his pants for a while now, but I didn't really think you had feelings toward him. I mean you have locked yourself in your room to have your own pity party because he's ignoring you. Plus that stare you gave him in English today," Ken closes his eyes and places his hand (the hand that isn't playing with with my silky strands) on his chest dramatically, "The angst and tension in that one stare, I wish someone would look at me like that. Love requited at its finest." I push Kenny away and he laughs as he wheels himself away from me.
"Who let you in my house anyway?"
"Ruby, she told me you have been holding yourself up here since school ended."
That brat. "So did you come here just get me to fess up to liking Tweek."
"No, I just wanted to see what you were up to. Is that alright?"
"No." I say, but I'm not really bothered as I watch Kenny walk around my room, looking at various things lying around. I haven't cleaned my room since Stan's party and it reflects my emotional distress and clutter perfectly.
"Too bad," Ken says winking at me before walking over to something in the corner of my room. He bends down and picks up the dark object.
"What's that?" I ask and mentally scold myself at how stupid I sounded. Whatever that is was thrown in the corner of my room I should know. God, I'm such a slob.
"A jacket," Ken answers despite my silent mental anguish at my messy room.
"Okay," I say slowly not getting why he's staring intently at what looks to be a leather jacket.
"Who would've left a jacket in a corner of your room?"
"I don't know. No one's been in here, but you since the party."
"Since the party...who was up here?"
"Why? Are you some type of detective now? Need a few Scooby snacks to get a clue?"
"Craig."
"Fine, I thought you were here to make me feel better. Stan. He was hiding out up here before I brought him down to cut the cake."
Kenny digs in the pocket of the jacket and pulls out a small skull lighter. He looks at it briefly before stuffing it back into the jacket pocket. And throwing it on my desk. My eyes follow the movement, but I really don't feel the need to ask as Ken's smile returns before flopping on the bed next to me.
"So what do you wanna do?" He asks and I shrug before picking up the remote and flicking the TV on.
"Don't you have work?" I ask not really wanting Kenny to leave, but...
"No, not right now," He says as he leans over my shoulder. I nod before finally settling on some housewives show. We talk about stupid random things for what feels like hours and as I'm drifting off Kenny turns the light and TV off and takes his leave, but not before taking the offending leather jacket with him.
"Glad you made it bestie," Bebe greets me happily as she lets me in. I ignore Bebe's loopy smile and notice Bebe's seventeen year old cousin Brett to my right, sitting in the living room watching what looks like an episode of Spongebob. Bebe mentioned that he'd be staying with them for awhile, something about his parents traveling within Europe.
"Hi Brett," I greet and he shoots me a smile.
"Hey Wendy, please get this brat away from me."
"What? I'm not a brat, you're a brat!" Bebe protests.
"How mature," I comment to which Brett just laughs before pushing his sandy blonde bangs out of his face.
"Come on Wendy, let's go to my room." Bebe practically drags me upstairs, "Stop corrupting my friend Brett!" She yells down before pulling me into her bedroom. I drop my bag somewhere in the room before flopping down on her fluffy white bed and stare gloomily at the chandelier in the middle of the room.
"So, what are we doing?"
"We are having a girls night! Just the two of us."
"Okay," I look around and notice the two large bowls of popcorn, two 2-liters of sprite, and at least four bags of mini dove chocolates. I reach my hand into the popcorn bowl in front of me only for my hand to be slapped by Bebe.
"Go change into your pj's first," She insists.
"Fine," I mumble, grabbing my bag and leave to go to the bathroom. I change quickly and walk back into the room to see Bebe lounging on her bed.
"What movie do you wanna watch first?" Bebe asks and I shrug and grab a handful of popcorn.
"How about something funny?" I stuff my mouth of popcorn and Bebe nods and goes to Netflix and scrolls down to the comedy section, clicking on Mean Girls.
"Really, Mean Girls?"
"Hey, it was either this or something scary. The other movies seem like shit right now." I roll my eyes and Bebe throws a pillow at me as she moves to sit against tufted arebelle headboard with me.
(*)
Close to the end of the movie and a whole bowl of popcorn and half a bag of chocolates later we talk about something non-movie related.
"So," Bebe starts, but doesn't finish. I avert my eyes from Cadie's prom speech to Bebe as she just stares ahead, but I doubt she's really watching the movie.
"What?" I prompt.
"I think-I think I'm gonna break things off with Kenny."
"Why?" I ask in fake confusion before stuffing two chocolates in my mouth.
"Because I want to."
"Do you like someone else?" I ask knowingly.
"Yeah, I think so. I don't know if they would like me back though."
"Well, why not? I mean look at you Bebe," Bebe looks down at her black and pink shorts before looking back up at me, "You're cute and you're awesome."
"Yeah, I doubt it."
"No, really. Who wouldn't want to be with someone like you." Bebe just stares at me silently for a long moment before averting her eyes. She plays with ends of her black sleeveless shirt and I stop her. "Trust me, would I really lie to you?"
"No. I'm still sorting my thoughts out about this. I mean I haven't really been in a real relationship since the tenth grade. And why not, you know? We were honestly just having sex, but I hope Kenny doesn't freak."
"He won't, Kenny isn't like that. I think it's really important that you both sit down and talk about this."
"Yeah, alright." Bebe agrees before reaching into the chocolate bag and unwrapping a dove and popping it in her mouth.
"Have you told anyone else about this?"
"Yes, I told Brett."
"What did he say?"
"He said it was okay, and that I have the right to choose who I do and don't want to be with."
"Exactly. So don't rush it, trust me, you're better safe than sorry," I mumble.
"I just really like this one though. I'm scared, but I think I can do this."
"No worries, you can."
Bebe chuckles, "You don't even know who I'm talking about."
"No, but I know you. You wouldn't pick some major douche."
"What if I told you it was Cartman?"
"Cartman?" We both erupt into laughter, "Seriously, despite how irritating Cartman is sometimes...he has a heart. I think he can be really passionate about things when he wants to be."
"Aww, how nice of you Wendy! I'll have to let him know how nicely you think of him."
"No, don't you dare."
"So you'd rather have him think you despise him?"
"Yes, we have some type of agreement. We work together and he's...okay to hang out with sometimes, when he's not being an idiot that is." Bebe just stares at me before pushing my head lightly.
"When you're ditching me, you hangout with Cartman," She says sounding a bit offended at this but as a smile tugs at her lips I smile back knowing that she's just joking. But really, the less she knows about me and Cartman hanging out the better.
"You're funny Wendy, really funny. Seriously, two people who've basically hated each other since Elementary somehow hangout."
"Yeah, whatever, he's irrelevant. There's more important things and people in my life," I say wanting to change the subject.
"Oh really? Like who?"
"Anybody other than Cartman...and Stan." Bebe laughs again and I laugh with her.
After a moment Bebe speaks again,"Why did you date Stan for so long? After all the times you broke up, what made it worth it?"
"I don't know. I think I just liked having someone that I knew cared about me the same as I did about them," I sigh, but feel the need to confess a little, " Like now...I don't hate Stan. But I do miss having someone to run to, someone that will listen to the little dumb things that happened to me." I look at Bebe and notice that she's playing with the charm necklace around her neck. I touch my neck subconsciously to check if my identical one is there. "Have you ever been in love with someone Bebe?"
"No," Is all she says her fingers still playing with one of the gold charms.
"No one? You haven't felt anything while being with someone or just by touching hands with that person?" I think about Bebe's past relationships and even her small flings, but she just shakes her head.
"No, never." I reach my hand out to push a stray black hair out of my face only for it to fall back down. I huff at that and am surprised when Bebe's cold hand reaches forward and tucks the lock behind my left ear. As she drops her hand her finger tips ghost lightly across my right cheek making me shiver.
"What was the best kiss you've ever had?" Bebe asks suddenly.
"Why?"
She shrugs, "Haven't you ever had one of those moments where everything felt perfect and...? "
"Like a movie? I guess. There was one moment when Stan and I broke up for like the millionth time and it was pouring raining outside, we were drenched, and I was crying, but I wanted him to kiss me, to scream that he loved me and that he wanted me...but he didn't. It would've been perfect," I say a bit wistful at the memory.
"So did it ever happen again...that feeling?"
"No. I wish somehow I could recreate it, not so much setting wise, but I want to feel that urge and desire I had in that particular moment again."
"Do you want to try?"
"What?" I sit up and stare at Bebe confused, but she just stares back expressionless. She's actually serious.
"You said you wanted to recreate that scene or moment again, so why not?
"But what if I don't feel anything. I'm sure I don't feel anything right now. So what's the use?"
"Because I'm your best friend and I'm offering to be your test dummy for this."
"But you're a girl," I protest. I'm not even attracted to girls.
"Thanks for the newsflash," Bebe says and all I can do is stare at her. Would this even work? I've never kissed a girl before and… "It doesn't work this way. When it happened the first time I remember being worked up and upset."
"Well, how about we use music instead. In every movie there's always like some type of dramatic song. We can try that?"
"I don't know...are you sure?" I ask once again. I don't think this is going to work.
"Are you?" Bebe questions a small grin playing on her lips as she leaps off of her bed to plug her phone into her stereo set. "Don't worry Wens. If all fails, at least we can scratch one thing off of our lists, right?"
I try to ease my thoughts and slight anxiety, but I never planned let alone really thought about kissing a girl. Well, maybe once did it cross my mind briefly while watching TV, but other than that I've strictly been interested in guys. My thoughts are promptly invaded by the sound of…"The Cure?" I say in confusion not knowing that Bebe liked any of their songs. Or even heard of The Cure for that matter.
"Pictures of You. A friend recommended it to me a while back," Bebe says in reply before climbing back onto the bed, facing me. "Okay?" She asks slowly.
I stare at Bebe with uncertainty. I mean what's the worst thing that can happen, really? It's just one little kiss then boom it's over. Eventually my curiosity wins out. "Okay."
Bebe lays her hand gently on my neck making me shiver even more. Why is she so cold? We continue to move our faces closer, our lips getting closer and closer to their mark. Bebe's eyes flicker down to my lips before meeting my eyes. And just like that our lips finally meet and it feels so weird and different to feel my best friend's lips upon mine. Bebe moves back and I release the breath I didn't know I was holding.
"How was it?" She asks quickly.
"It was... pretty good." I lean forward again and kiss Bebe and she kisses me back. Goosebumps spread along my arms at the feel of her lips again. I feel Bebe's tongue lick across my lip and I pull back.
"That felt weird. Did you lick my lips?"
"Yeah," Bebe brings our lips together again, and repeats her previous motion. She continues to lick my lips, gently prying them apart and I let her. My eyes fly open briefly as Bebe's tongue tangle with mine. It feels so weird...and my stomach is twisting, urging me to continue. I chase this light headed feeling I'm overwhelmed with and Bebe pulls on my ponytail and pulls my hair free from the purple scrunchie and it falls loose upon my shoulders.
We continue to kiss and the song intensifies at each lick and nip against each other's lips. I can barely think as we fall onto each other, all I can feel is Bebe's hot tongue on mine as her cold fingers tangle themselves in my hair. I have to practically rip myself away from her to catch my breath and she stares up at me with hooded eyes as I move to straddle her thin waist, my fingers latched onto the bottom of her shirt.
"What are you doing to me Bebe?" I whisper, my breath labored.
"Nothing you wouldn't like," She whispers back. Her fingers let my hair go and she holds my waist instead. "You're so warm." She pulls me forward and flips us, so that she's on top. She grinds down on me gently and I put my hands on her shoulders, stopping her.
"Bebe, w-we can't." She stops and looks at me in confusion. "I don't know what I'm doing a-and your cousin is downstairs and-" Bebe stops me with a finger on my lips.
"Just stop, don't worry about that." Bebe climbs off of me and I'm silently grateful for that.
We just stare at each other and after a few moments I look away and play with the purple charms around my neck, staring at nothing in particular as I catch my breath. That was intense...really intense. Did I even like it? The question echoes in my mind as I lay there.
Looking at Bebe once again she catches my eyes and we kiss again...and as she covers my pajama covered leg with her smooth bare one, reeling me in as our kisses deepen... the answer is on the tip of my tongue. She's on top of me and as she grinds against me I find myself grinding back with a soft moan. And I admit that I'm sort of scared of being caught, but as she kisses my lips again every thought just seems to vanish.