Laughter, Tears, and Vodka Bottles Pt. 1

"Will everyone please make a single file line next to the bus while I call roll, that would be nice!" Kyle yells out at all of the senior class and although, his words sound sweet the glance he gives his cronies who then in turn look at us with threatening looks get the job done. Somehow I find myself leaned against the clean and sleek bus right next to Reggie and we both turn up our nose at the sight of each other. Luckily, Kenny's right behind and can easily make me forget that this fuck nut is even here.

Kyle throws up his thumb after taking roll and hands over the brown clipboard to show our chaperones for this trip. Lord knows we truly need one considering all the fights that might breakout. It's stupid, yeah. But if someone constantly talked crap about you behind your back and you never got the chance to meet up...then obviously you're going to want to smash their face(s) in.

I take a long mental sigh as I listen to whatever Kenny is talking about, grateful that for once in my lifetime I don't have any fucking drama. When Kenny says something about being back I try to seek Kyle out and I spot him chatting with David whose arm is surprisingly draped over Henrietta's shoulders. I immediately turn away once Henrietta meets my eye and I can practically feel her rolling her eyes. No one even thinks I even associate with Henrietta or none of the goths for that matter, but it's not like I'm hiding and honestly it's been about a week since I hung out with them at their usual diner.

I grimace at the thought of how Kyle would react if he knew, he'd think I was on the verge of becoming Raven again despite how untrue that is. The reason I'm avoiding Henri is because she said some things that I just didn't like and we had a big dispute over it. Basically I told her I was seeing Kyle again and she immediately started berating me as if I'm some child. I'm not and she just doesn't understand that things are back to the way they used to be, better even. Moments later Kenny comes back and he claps me on the shoulder.

"Can't wait to get this show on the roll," I stretch and suppress a smirk as I watch Kenny's eyes trace my body. As I drop my arms he quickly averts his eyes to my face.

"Yeah, me too. I wonder what all we're gonna do this weekend."

"Probably visit a few boring history museums. Blurgh."

Kenny laughs, "Well at least we're roomies."

I nod, "How long do you think it'll take until we are allowed on the bus, It's freezing."

"Looks like it'll be a few more seconds," Kenny says looking beside us. I follow his line of vision and notice Coach Candice and Coach Mick following two bulky guys to the front of each bus. "You can chill, your nuts are safe from developing frostbite."

"That'd just be painful. How would I ever get frost bite off my balls?"

"Well, there are a more than a few warm and willing mouths that would do the trick. Mine's included of course," Kenny whispers that last part and my cheeks feel on fire at this point as I avoid eye contact with Kenny who just continues to stare at me with a impish smile. "You wanna sit with me on the inside?" Kenny asks as though he doesn't notice that my cheeks are blushing horribly and it's not because of the cold December weather.

I open mouth to reply, but someone interrupts, "Actually, everyone is set to sit with their partner," Kyle says, but he barely spares Kenny a look before moving along the line. I stare as he leaves, this weekend may not be so boring after all.

I roll my eyes so hard that they almost get stuck mid-roll at Kyle as he bounds back to front of the line to do whatever 'duties' he has as student body president or whatever. Stan gives me an apologetic look before grabbing my wrist and leading us forward on to the bus. Luckily as we climb the stairs of the first charter bus I notice that Kyle hadn't picked out his and Stan's seat yet, so I don't object as Stan pulls me towards the seats in the middle of the bus.

He slides into a seat and I slide into the seat in front of him my wrist hanging limply in Stan's loose grip over my seat as we watch everyone else pile onto the enormous bus. Although, I don't fucking like Kyle right now, and even though he is being a right twat I gotta admit that I'm excited about this weekend.

I absentmindedly tap my fingers against the smooth red and black leather of my seat that matches the interior of the bus staring out the window at nothing in particular before feeling someone's arm wrap around my neck from behind.

"Un-arm me," I screech dramatically. Looking down I notice the white coat covered arm locked around my neck and instantly know who it is. The skinny arm lets me go and I turn around to face a smiling Butters decked out in his white pea coat and matching white jeans and I let him slide past me to the seat by the window.

"Aren't you excited Ken?" Butters asks with a loopy smile on his boyish face. I have to suppress a giant smile from breaking across my face as I look at Butters. He's adorable without even trying and I just...ugh.

I clear my throat loudly trying to in turn clear my thoughts of how tight Butter's pants are around his hips. Fuck."Yeah, I think it's going to be cool."

"Cool, psh, dude it's gonna be lit. Absolutely awesome," Clyde says following his roomie Sandy as they sit in the seats across from Stan.

"Yeah, I just can't stop smiling out of pure excitement for this trip," Craig comments as he follows Tweek and as they stop at the seats across from mine I notice how unexcited Craig actually looks.

"Cheer up, be a sport," Token says as he settles in his seat next to Jimmy in front of Craig.

"Fuck you. You're on the student body you should've convinced Kyle to get me out of this."

Token laughs at this, "Just relax, I promise to entertain you this entire trip if it makes you feel better."

"Now you just made me feel like a baby," Everyone seems to laugh at this despite not knowing why Craig is upset in the first place. But as everyone goes to talk about something else I take one look at Tweek and notice the permanent frown set on his face as he tries to join in on whatever Craig is talking about. And as it's been for weeks, he is promptly ignored.

I can tell it's annoying the living daylights out of Tweek but what does he expect? He was the one who pushed Craig away and from what Craig said wanted things to 'ease up'. I honestly feel bad for him considering that if Craig doesn't like you or makes it his mission to pretend you don't exist, he completely does just that.

Eventually Cartman comes barreling down the aisle with Gary Harrison behind him and instantly Tweek jumps up and follows Gary towards the back of the bus. Everyone is quiet as we watch this play out.

"Don't get quiet on account of me assholes. Humph," Cartman says and everyone resumes talking or putting away their bags. Cartman plops down next to Craig and I notice how tightly his fist is clenched as well as his entire body...actually-"

"Can I help you Kenny?" Cartman bites out, "Geez, stop being such a perv, I know you only want me for my body."

"In your dreams call boy," I say in a fake posh voice and Cartman just snorts and opens his mouth to say something most likely in retort but he's interrupted by Kyle who finally bounds down the aisle and slips past Stan to his spot by the window. He drops his bag next to Stan and I try not to make it obvious that I was glaring at him the entire time as he looks up with a grin.

"Can we get this show on the road already?" Cartman complains. "God. And where the hell is the devil's spawn and his fluffy carebear?"

"They're going to meet us there," Kyle says with a slight smirk.

"What?!" Craig shouts, "So I didn't have to ride the bus with all you losers?"

"The only loser is you, Craig!" Coach Mick shouts from the front of the bus and cackles as Craig stands and promptly flips him off.

"Damien had to work and couldn't take off to ride the bus with us," Kyle says once Craig turns to him in question, his pink lips pursed.

A loud cackle erupts from Cartman, "Damien is probably sitting on his posh sofa right now smoking a blunt and laughing at the thought of us stupid fuckers who got up near the ass crack of dawn."

"Kyle?" Clyde asks and Butters pulls on my parka sleeve with quiet laughter.

"Yeah?"

"Why am I stuck on a bus full of guys?" Everyone bursts into laughter.

"Because it's easier for the girls to be on another bus," Kyle answers anyway.

"Yeah, what's the problem Clyde you're around guys all the time."

"That's the problem. It's like I see dick on the regular."

"I didn't know you were so attentive Clyde," Kyle says and more laughter erupts.

"Dickmatized," Craig jokes causing Clyde to turn blush bright red all the way to the tips of his ears as everyone continues to laugh loudly.

"Am not!"

"A'right, alright," Coach says through laughter, "Calm down everyone," Everyone stops laughing and settle back in their seats. "It's not Donovan's fault that he likes dick." Boisterous laughter starts right back up at that and Butters' buries his face in my neck in laughter as the bus begins to pull out of the school parking lot. This is going to be one hell of an hour and a half hour ride.

(*)

We're forty minutes in and everyone has finally calmed down and are sleeping, listening to music or having their own group discussions. I glance at Craig and he winks at me as he continues to chat with Jimmy and Token about something. Butters is watching The Wedding Singer that's playing from the screen hanging from the ceiling in front of us. I play with his thin fingers as I listen in to Cartman, Stan, and Kyle talk about random shit.

Kyle and Stan always used to be far too comfortable with each other and considering how close knit our group actually is, that's saying something. Now that the dynamic duo are back together after all these years they're all over each other.

Kyle pushes his fingers through Stan's fringe only for Stan to fix it back as he continues to talk to Cartman. When Kyle notices my stare his lips curve in a small smirk before gripping the dark strands of Stan's hair in his hand hard, causing Stan to groan lowly. I give out a yawn that isn't so faked and turn around in my seat, reaching down for my bag and taking out my earplugs and plugging them into my phone and ears before closing my eyes. A few seconds later I feel Butters body nudge mine repeatedly and he only stops until I smile with my eyes still closed.

"Here we are, Avon, Colorado," Coach announces as we exit the sleek bus with our bags. We all admire the view of the resort we're staying in for the duration of our trip and meet the girls inside.

"Welcome to the Westin Riverfront!" I hear the short, curvy brunette female receptionist greet before singling her attention on Coach Mick and Candice. Some of us talk and walk aimlessly around the lobby, but I choose to sit on a sofa and push my earplugs in.

As I'm scrolling a few posts on tumblr, my phone vibrates in my hand and I quickly read the new message sent to me. My eyes skim the text and I look up at the offending person who is sitting right across from me. I have half the mind to actually chuck my phone at the glass window in front of me. I really want to, but I don't and instead move my fingers to form a reply.

From Tweek:

Why are you ignoring me?

Is he serious? I look up and he looks around as if he doesn't notice that I'm right in front of him. As if we were Serena and Tripp. I shake my head at this thought, reminding myself that I need to stop watching netflix with Ruby.

Me: Idk because you asked me too?

Tweek: No, I didn't.

Me: Ur right u specifically asked me to give u space. U told me that the way we were wasn't ok. I'm just doing what u wanted.

Tweek: ...Don't be like that. U knw that I still want to be around u.

Me: Doesn't feel like it. I rlly don't want to talk to u.

Tweek: Why?

Me: Because I said so.

Tweek: Craig...

I look up and briefly glare at Tweek but he still doesn't look my way and proceeds to talk to Gary. I grit my teeth. He's such a lying bag of potatoes. This has been going on for weeks. He acts as if I am being the worst, but did he somehow forget how he ignored me for a couple weeks after Stan's birthday? I called him about a thousand times and he never answered and in the hallways he would ignore me to do exactly what he's doing now. Talking to Gary.

I have nothing against the guy I just fucking hate seeing them together to be honest. I hate seeing how comfortable Tweek is around him and how he lets him cuddle him and sit on his lap. It hurts to know that he wants him close, but wants me to back off, wants me to stop caring so much for him. And I am, but everytime I try he acts like this. A hand touches my cheek and I turn around and see Kyle as he sits on the edge of the sofa.

"What's up?" I ask, pulling my earplugs out.

"Nothing, just wanted to talk to you," I raise my dark eyebrows, my tongue darting out to lick the black stud in my lip in interest.

Kyle grins, pushing my shoulder gently, "Not about that, but...maybe later. I wanted to see if you were okay."

I look at Kyle in question and watch his green eyes flit quickly to Tweek back to me. Does everyone know that Tweek and I aren't talking to each other? I just sigh, "How'd you figure?"

"Dude, you're were practically radiating annoyance and c'mon I'm not too wrapped up in my own shit not to notice that you guys barely acknowledge each other." I just stare at Kyle blankly, getting a strong sense of dèjà vu. Especially when Stan sits next to me and greets Kyle and I with one of his easy charming smiles before talking to Fosse and Sandy.

"I think you guys should talk this out." Yeah, this is very familiar.

"You guys were-are so close-" Kyle goes on to say and I have the strangest craving for a cup of tea and a pair of dark tinted sunglasses even though we're sitting in the lobby of our hotel. "I mean it's obvious that you guys-"

"That we what?" And although, I'm the one being told that I'm being stubborn and that I should talk to Tweek because of point A and B I feel oddly smug. Even more at how uncharacteristically nervous Kyle looks right now.

"You guys like each other," He settles for, but I refuse to let him off that easy.

"Of course we like each other, we're friends."

"Don't do this."

"What? What do you mean Kyle?"

"Fine. You guys act as if you're a couple."

I smile at Kyle, but it probably comes out more like a grimace as I feel my heart kick in freaking overdrive at his words. A couple?

"Alright kids, here are your room keys," Both Coaches hand Wendy and Kyle keys to hand out, so that means two people in a group has a key card.

Once we all have our keys everyone hurries to see our rooms, some of us squeezing into the elevators and some risk taking the stairs. I hand Cartman our card and watch about twenty people squeeze into two elevators as I stand in the back. The last batch to go is smaller with just Token, Clyde, Jimmy, and Red who insist I get in, but I politely refuse taking to walking around the hotel to clear my mind for a moment.

What Kyle said couldn't have been farther from the truth, right? Tweek and I never acted like a couple, I never even treated him that way. I like him, yes. I've even admitted to myself that I may have feelings for him, but in no way have I made it that obvious.

Maybe it's because I wanted to be the one to fuck him, I wanted to be the one he gave himself to, but that was it. Or maybe because I'm overprotective, but I'm like that with everyone. This is so frustrating! I run my hands through my styled hair only to fix it a moment later. Just. Breathe. Just. Breathe.

I think back to how I treated Tweek and I still don't see it. I finally stop my pacing down a hallway and notice another set of elevators, but as I begin making my way further down the hall I notice Tweek stopped in front of me. He looks around multiple times completely ignoring the fact that I'm standing down the opposite hallway from him.

With a fucking long ass sigh I continue towards the elevator and press the button multiple times (yeah, I know it's not going to make it go any faster) hoping I don't cause it to malfunction. Seconds later I can feel his presence next to me as we wait. The elevator finally comes and I enter first and before I can try to do something childish like press the 'close doors' button he slides right behind. As I press the number for the boys floor I come to one realization.

I am Serena.

I lick my lip ring, hoping nothing goes down in this elevator...I would usually be up for anything because hello, I'm motherfucking Craig Tucker, but right now I don't even want to be in the same elevator as Tweek. I watch the numbers go up, the tension so thick that I can cut it with a butcher knife. When the elevator finally pings I quickly exit and hurry to our shared group suite, knocking loudly on the door.

"What the-" I quickly move past Cartman into our suite, taking in its large size. I let my fingers touch the surface of the granite island in the kitchen. "What crawled up your ass?" Cartman asks he goes back to do whatever he was doing before I knocked on the door which is watching TV.

Just to be a pest and because I need to get it out in the open, "I know what's not going to." At this Cartman gives me a funny look and mutters, "Sofucking-gay" under his breath. Gary looks amused as he sits on a sofa adjacent to Cartman, his leg folded on top of the other like the posh kid he is and then there's Tweek who just stares at me with a look that screams that he's plotting something cruel against me.

I smile. Walking closely past him, making sure he feels the smugness radiating off of me as I walk into one of the bedrooms, claiming it as mine.

As the door to the room Craig just went into slams shut another one follows. Damn, I don't know what's going on, but all I know is that this is going to be an interesting trip. It's oddly quiet for a moment with only the sound of the TV as background noise and I decide to kick my sock covered feet up on the coffee table sighing peacefully as Gary drops down next to me.

We sit close together in the middle of the sofa and watch housewives of Cherry Hills Colorado and talk about how crazy we think most of these people are-husbands included when I finally get the nerve to spit out what's been bothering me for weeks now.

"Gary," I start, shivering slightly at the constant feel of Gary rubbing up and down my thigh that's smushed against his.

"Yes?"

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing, just touching you, can I not touch what I've already claimed so many times?"

I smirk, he's such a shit head, but with a set and firm goal in mind I smooth my face over as I continue, "No, I mean what is this?" I motion between the two of us, "I know we've been fucking each other for weeks now, but I still think all of this is weird. What do you want from me?"

"Nothing," Is all Gary says and doesn't stop his movements against my thigh.

"Look," I say roughly, "Can you just be fucking honest and stop being so damn cryptic all the time?"

"I'm sorry. Do you want the truth?" Gary asks slowly.

Do I? Considering what we have now do I want to question it and have the illusion of us being good together-feeling good ruined? I clear my throat and suppress the blush that threatens to overwhelm my face as Gary moves his hips closer to mine and rests his head on the palm of his other hand, staring at me, "Yes."

Gary removes his hand and I feel like I can breathe properly again, "I like what we have. You're special to me, seeing as how I truly like being with you. But to answer your question, no, I don't have a label for what we are and how I feel about you, I just know that I want you around, always." I stare Gary in the eyes wanting to see if he actually means what he says and a shudder runs through my body at the genuineness in his eyes.

"Okay," I find myself saying after a moment, "Just know that I don't really trust anyone, except for my small group of friends and somehow you've wormed your way into those ranks."

"So, you only think of me as your friend?"

"No, you're more than that...I think. Just-what I am trying to say is do not fuck me over. Please," I add and I hate it because I feel so vulnerable right now, but I also feel like it's okay with Gary, we've had sex for fucksake. Gary leans forward and kisses me long and soft before pulling away.

"Never," He whispers and it makes me even wonder why I put up with this insane, and overly confident hot preppy boy, but as he takes he takes to soothingly rubbing my thigh again I'm reminded why.

"So…" I start as I flop on my bed purposefully dragging the word out as I relax on top of the amazingly comfortable bed. Butters does the exact same on the opposite bed and I laugh at his curled up frame until he throws a white soft pillow towards me that I quickly catch between my two palms.

He stares at me in curiosity before giving the middle finger and jumping on my bed next to me. I grab his middle finger and give it one hard kiss that causes him to erupt into more giggles.

"So?" Butters asks, urging me to continue what I was going to say.

"Is this going be one of those trips where we all have to meet up and have dinner?"

"I don't know, why don't we ask Kyle," Butters pats my shoulder before leaping off of my bed and walking through the open door.

I sit up and run my hands through my hair before regretfully standing and following. Unsurprisingly as I walk through the living room and large kitchen to Stan and Kyle's room I'm not surprised to see them both sprawled on their bed.

Or rather Stan who's head is smashed into a large pillow and Kyle who is yelling at him to take his boots off of the white duvet and Butters who is leaned against the doorframe watching the entire exchange.

When Stan does nothing, but snuggle more into the bed Kyle heaves a heavy sigh before looking at us with fake weariness causing everyone to laugh, but I bite my cheek to suppress the smile that wants to creep along my lips. As amusing as this all is…

"What are the plans for this weekend Kyle?" Butters asks sitting on the bed beside Stan's most likely half-awake body.

Kyle smiles excitedly, "To do whatever," I raise my eyebrows at that honestly curious, "Wendy and I set up a couple activities to do, but after that...we can all just hang out here. We have a private tour to go sightseeing around Avon, and skiing lessons plus we also have access to the hotel's spa." Butter looks at me with a similar excited look.

"Isn't this awesome Ken?"

"It's cool," I say and Kyle's smile drops.

"I know!" Butters goes on to say, but Kyle's eyes are locked with mine, "Kyle thought of everything."

"Yeah, how were you able to convince Victoria to agree to this 'school trip'?" I ask really curious, but it comes out a bit rough.

"Well, I planned it earlier this year and explained to Principal Victoria that this would be an educational trip and could be very fundamental to the senior class seeing as we're bound to graduate soon and we could gain real-world knowledge by stepping outside of South Park," Kyle says like the intelligent fucker he is.

"Victoria would've probably agreed if you said we were going to bust Trent Boyett outta prison."

"She would say something like how educational it would be to get a taste of prison life. And how fun it could be to learn how to dodge a shank," Stan says and we all laugh at that because it's most likely true, only when I meet Kyle's eyes again does my smile drop.

"Are we going to meet up with everyone tonight?" Butters asks, unlacing Stan's shoes and tying them together.

"Yeah, we can eat anytime we want, but it would be best if we all ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner together." Butters nods at this before yawning as he finishes his work on Stan's laces.

"You should get some rest Butters we have more than a few hours until dinner," Kyle says rubbing Butters back and Butters nods and stands up. I give Butters a look I hope says that I'll be back soon as he walks past me, he squeezes my bicep gently before continuing out of the doorway.

Looking back at the two occupants of the room Stan is now sat up undoing his bootlaces and knocking them on the floor with a thunk and Kyle just looks done with my shit. It's quiet and awkward, which is new.

I've never felt this way around Stan and Kyle or any of my friends for that matter. Kyle's always been hard to figure out, the complete opposite of Stan in the emotional department who next to Pip and Butters wears his heart on his sleeve. But even now I can't tell what even he is thinking.

"Are you okay?" Stan asks quietly, his attention focused solely on me. I just nod and Stan frowns at this.

"Ken, come here," He says motioning me forward and I can see Kyle visibly tense at this.

"No, actually I think I'm gonna go take a nap too. I didn't get much sleep on the bus." Stan looks a bit crestfallen at my response, but I don't stay long to dwell on it before heading back to my room with Butters.

As I walk inside I notice Butters curled up underneath the duvet and I decide to close the door as quietly as I can without waking him. I sit on the edge of my bed before lying back with a long sigh. I hate being mad at Kyle, I hate feeling this way about one of my best friends, but not as much as I dislike the fact that Kyle has somehow made up with Stan only to fuck everything up again.

There was a time in my life where I believed that those two actually loved each other and not just as super best friends. Kyle would literally do anything for Stan and vice-versa. I doubt Kyle even knew (or anybody) exactly why Stan and Wendy almost always broke up after Stan and Kyle fell out. I only know from the cryptic things Stan would spill whenever he was drunk, and I'm not dense enough to not be able to put two and two together. But there is one instance that I can't forget, and till this day I'm still lost as to what Wendy and Stan were screaming at each other about.

….

It was the beginning of last summer and Token was able to convince his parents to let him host a huge summer blowout and Stan got absolutely pissed. It didn't bother me much because almost everyone was drunk or high or both, but Stan was completely gone, the life of the party that night too.

I think I vaguely remember us jumping off of the roof and into the pool, it was awesome and it was like we didn't see an end in sight. It was nights like those where we all felt invisible, indestructible as if we could live forever...I loved that feeling despite knowing that things don't work that way and that if I jumped off of Cartman's hummer that I could literally die with my face painted all over the pavement.

We were chugging shots, singing every song horribly and dancing even worst, but I only lost track of Stan mid-make out with Red. She pushed me away gently before spilling her guts in the nearby trashcan and I held her hair back, whispering nonsensical things that made her laugh and throw up even more.

Once Red was done I led her outside to Bebe who was the designated driver for most people that night and overheard her telling someone to go get Wendy. I made sure Red got inside the car before heading back inside the party looking for Stan or any sight of Wendy. I couldn't spot neither brunette on the bottom level or outside so I climbed the stairs in search of an open door.

As I looked around I noticed that no one was really up here and it figures seeing as Token is smart enough to lock all his shit up to prevent anyone from stealing, breaking his stuff or just simply invading his privacy, but then suddenly as I walked down the hallway closer to Token's room I could hear voices.

The voices grew louder until I stopped outside of the doorway to Token's room. As I stood there I was able to figure out that it was Wendy and Stan having a loud drunken argument with door wide open, I moved closer just out their sight to see what was going on.

"Just tell me the truth Stan!" Wendy screamed. Tears were pouring down her face, but she still looked immaculate as always. Even with an almost empty bottle of grey goose in her grip. I watched as she paused to take a swing from the bottle as tears continued to pour from her eyes.

"What do you want me to say!" Stan screamed back.

"I want y-you to t-tell me what you were doing w-with her. Are you fucking her Stan?" I never ever seen Wendy so tore up. "I-I want-" Wendy was cut off by a choking scream as she wiped her eyes with the side her perfectly manicured index finger, her grip visibly tightened on the vodka bottle.

"I already told you that I'm n-not! Where is this e-even coming from Wendy?"

"April and Mellie saw you with her after s-school. Why are you hanging out with her?"

"Why not shez's my friend, I can hang out w-with whoever I want," Stan slurred out.

Wendy laughed brokenly, "That's not it! I fo-found your messagez you fucker!"

"What?"

Wendy laughed again, but you can clearly hear the thickness of tears in the sound. Somehow in her drunk induced state Wendy was able to pull her silver phone out of her pocket. "I sent it all to my phone! 'Y-yesterday was fun a-are we still meeting up today?' June 26, last week!'"

"Wendy-"

"Oh, but it getz better. Just three days ago, 'You n-need to tell 'er.'

Then you said 'Henri, I can't y-you know that!' What was it Stan? What do you need to tell me!" Wendy sniffled loudly before continuing.

'This is the last time I swear.'

'You can't keep doing this. You-you can't keep falling apart like this. I know you still have those pills and as much as I hate to tell you what to do...you need to stop taking 'em.'

'Please, not you!'

'Stan, you don't need them to stop thinking about what happened.'

'No.'

'T-then stop it. What if I don't make it there in time next time? What if you lose the strength to even call me, what if you over-'" Stan abruptly grabbed Wendy's phone and threw it on the beige sectional sofa.

"Fucking stop Wendy! Just stop it!" To this Wendy threw the large vodka bottle against the crisp white wall beside her and as she moved to grab something else Stan catches her wrists, she struggled before eventually stopping out of exhaustion.

Wendy's breaths were coming out heavily and Stan finally dropped her wrists in his grip to try to pull her to his chest, but he stopped as she began to beat against his chest with her fists.

"Tell me," She said through a sob. "What is she talking about? What p-pills? So many questions and you just," Wendy threw her hands up in defeat. "You won't let me in. Ever since Kyle I can't get through to you anymore. It's like we're on different scales or sides of the Earth. I can see why you want her, she's gorgeous always have been, and she's something new to you while I'm just...cooked. Burnt even."

"I want you Wendy. I do. I'm j-just-I'm sorry. I don't know why I keep hurting you." At this point the room was reduced to sniffles as Wendy lets Stan hold her against him.

"Do you love me Stan?" Wendy asked, looking up at him.

Stan stared at her for a moment and I saw it in his body and the way he looks at her. It's so different from how it used to be, so...defeated. "Yes, I love you Wendy," I heard him whisper and with that I walked away from the scene and downstairs.

I didn't even stop there I decided to sit outside for the rest of the night, away from the drunk and sweaty bodies inside and smoke a bag of pre-rolled blunts. Ten minutes later Wendy arrived outside and I heard Bebe give out a loud, "Finally!" as she helped her best friend inside the car before getting in herself and speeding off, the loud hum of her car slowly disappeared and leaving nothing, but silence behind in the dark night.

…..

I never even told Stan about that and I don't ever plan to because just seeing him like that and knowing he was having those kind of conversations with someone it hurt. It hurt knowing that it was happening, that he felt like he couldn't come to me or any of us about this, and that Kyle was the reason. Even after three years he still affected Stan this way.

Although, that night wasn't nowhere near how nuclear it was when things first hit the fan a few years ago. I promised myself that I wouldn't let that happen again to neither Kyle or Stan. It was hard on all of us, trying to figure out how to re-group, but it was worst on Stan and Kyle. It was like they had lost a part of themselves, and everyday it seemed as if it was happening all over again. Eventually Kyle stopped crying, but he turned cold and none of us knew how to fix it...and Stan lost that shining spark in his eyes.

He lost the hope, the optimism that we all craved for, the passion in his eyes whenever we were in a crazy situation where we were sure there was no out that kept him still holding on as he urged us to do the same. That was lost, and replaced by something far more unsure and I believed that I will never see it again. Until now. And I'm pretty sure if Kyle hurts Stan again, it'll break him and then nothing will ever be the same.