After putting Noah to bed, Olivia poured herself a glass of wine and made her way to her walk-in closet. She dug her way to the back of the closet and pulled out a small lockbox. She sat in the middle of her bed, and carefully entered the code: 6313.
From the lockbox, Olivia pulled out an envelope filled with photos. She looked at the photos with tears streaming freely. The faded images were of a much younger Detective Benson at various stages of pregnancy. Many of them standing, looking in a full length mirror, with her t-shirt pulled up, exposing a full round baby bump. Olivia traced her finger over the images, while her lips trembled. Memories of being both excited and terrified at the same time came flooding back. What should have been the happiest time in her life was always encased in so much sadness knowing that Elliot would never be part of it with her.
Her free hand gently clutching the compass necklace Elliot had given her before he left for his undercover gig. She now sat paralyzed with fear, knowing that everything they had been working towards is now in danger because of her past choices.
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
2005
A few weeks after being shot, Elliot had started physical therapy, but had yet to return to work. His elbow was getting stronger, and he almost felt completely normal. He was still staying at Olivia's, and they were both becoming more and more comfortable with each other. Elliot had decided to take a bold step and put his feelings for Olivia out there. He was pretty sure she felt the same way, and he didn't want to spend another minute wondering.
Olivia arrived home to the most amazing smell of a homemade Italian pasta dinner, complete with wine and candles. She stood in amazement as Elliot approached her holding a beautiful bouquet of red roses, with a full grin on his face and hope in his ocean blue eyes.
"Liv…I'm so grateful to you for taking care of me, and opening your home to me while I healed. I know we are partners, but spending time with you these past few weeks, I've realized that what I'm feeling for you goes beyond friendship, or our partnership." Olivia stood stunned as Elliot stood so close to her. "I'm not sure if this is the smartest, or worst, idea that I've ever had, but I needed to tell you. I love you Olivia. I'm completely head over heels in love with you. I'm not sure how you feel about…" Olivia interrupted his declaration by throwing her arms around his neck, and crashing her lips to his. Elliot dropped the flowers, snaked his arms around her waist, and slid his hands down to just below her delectable ass, and lifted her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist.
Their kiss deepened and their tongues battled for dominance. Olivia pulled back and gave Elliot a smile that melted his heart, and stiffened the bulge in his pants. "I love you too Elliot. So much." With that, Olivia brought their lips together again while Elliot walked them to her bedroom. Once they reached the bed, Elliot gently placed Olivia on the bed and stood back. Making quick work of removing his shirt and tossing it aside, and then assisting Olivia with removing her clothes, and then finally his pants, Elliot settled between Olivia's open legs for what they both knew was going to be a magical night.
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
Olivia snapped herself out of her memories, and gulped down her glass of wine. She wiped away tears that were stalling on her face, and refocused on the task at hand.
Also in the lockbox, was an unsent letter addressed to Elliot. She slowly pulled the letter out and scanned her eyes across the faded handwriting:
Dear Elliot,
This letter is my apology for leaving like I did. When I told you things were just
too complicated, I meant it. I don't know how to say this any other way but
bluntly. During our relationship, I got pregnant. I knew you were struggling with
signing your divorce papers, and I didn't want to put any more pressure on you.
I got the opportunity with the FBI to go to Oregon, and I gave birth a few weeks
ago, between my assignments. I am scared and confused, so I've decided to give
the baby up for adoption. I can't be the reason your marriage doesn't work out.
I'm not sure if I'll ever return to New York as I'm still undercover for an
undetermined amount of time. And even after that, I'm not sure I'll ever be able
to return.
I just thought you should know. I'm prepared for you to never forgive me, and for
you to never want to see me again.
I will always love you,
Liv
More tears began falling while Olivia read that stupid letter. She couldn't figure out why she ever thought that mailing that letter would be a good idea. She knew that was not how she wanted to tell Elliot. She remembered that, during that time, she picked up a phone to call Elliot about a million times.
If Ella is who she says she is, how will I tell Elliot now? Olivia broke down crying and curled up on her bed, still holding photos of her younger self, while gently rubbing the compass necklace around her neck.