Olivia sat at a table in Olio e Più in Greenwich Village. She had suggested this Italian restaurant because it had a large outdoor space where they could have some privacy to talk. She had spent the morning at COMPStat, but because of this new situation, she didn't really care what anyone at 1PP was saying. She went through the motions, and left a soon as she could. Immediately after, she stopped by TARU to confirm that Ella's adoption story checked out. She had been adopted in Salem, Oregon at the end of 2006. Her final stop was with Melinda at the ME's office, who confirmed the DNA that was taken off of Ella's water bottle proved she was Olivia's daughter. Melinda raised the obvious question to Olivia, who told Melinda that she really couldn't give her details until she got a few things ironed out. She thanked Melinda, gave her a hug, and quickly left.

While sitting and waiting for Ella, Olivia let her memory drift back to the small apartment in which she lived in Portland. She smiled thinking about the precious weeks she had being a confused, scared single mother. She closed her eyes remembering how it felt to hold Ella in her arms while gently rocking her back and forth. While she was relishing in the tender memories with her daughter, a gripping feeling of dread kept pulling at her heart. The tender memories were replaced with the memories of longing and regret, of her younger self wishing she had had the strength to tell Elliot years ago.

She was quickly brought back to the present by Ella's voice. "Hi Olivia. It's good to see you." Olivia stood up and embraced her daughter. Having received the confirmations that morning from TARU and Melinda, she now never wanted to let Ella out of her arms. She was holding her daughter again, and began to gently sway them back and forth…like she did all those years ago. When they pulled apart, both women stood looking at each other in complete amazement. Something felt familiar between them, and they both acknowledge the sensation with their gentle smiles towards each other.

After ordering their meal, Ella looked at Olivia, and Olivia could see a million questions in her eyes. She was both dreading and anxiously anticipating what questions would be coming.

"Olivia…can you tell me why you gave me up for adoption?" Olivia nodded her head and took a long sip of her water.

"Ella, I thought a lot about this last night, and I want to just tell you the story from start to finish, and hopefully that will answer most of your questions." Ella nodded, and turned her full focus to Olivia.

"Your father and I were partners at SVU, and had been partners for about 7 years when I got pregnant. Elliot was going through a divorce, and had been shot in the line of duty. He stayed with me while recuperating, and after a few weeks we finally acknowledged our feelings for each other. We both had loved each other for years, but with him being married, that was a boundary we couldn't, and wouldn't, cross. Once he was single, or semi-single, we felt we could finally act on our feelings. We were together for several months when I got pregnant with you."

Olivia took another sip of water, while the glass shook in her hand. She took a deep breath and continued on.

"During our relationship, we were determined to keep our professional partnership separate from our personal relationship. If we didn't do that, we would have been separated as partners, and that was absolutely the last thing we wanted. We caught a pretty horrific case that involved two small children who had been kidnapped. One of them was killed because your father was delayed getting to him because he stopped to take care of me. I had my throat sliced by the kidnapper during an altercation. Elliot was so distraught, and when he was taken hostage by the kidnapper, and had a gun to his head, he insisted that I shoot the perp…knowing it would most likely kill him in the process. When I didn't take the shot, we fought about how we couldn't let our feelings get in the way of the job. How we both chose each other over the job, and how that could never happen again. After that incident, our relationship became very strained and we stopped seeing each other. It was around that time I confirmed I was pregnant."

Both women took a sip of their water, while the waiter placed their entrees in front of them.

"Right after, I was offered a couple of undercover assignments with the FBI in Oregon. Because of the shambled state of our partnership, I jumped at the chance to get away, clear my head, and figure out what to do. I was able to hide my pregnancy during my first undercover assignment, but instead of heading back here after the assignment was done, I asked the FBI to keep me in Portland until the second assignment was ready to go. By that time, I was showing and I had come clean with the field agent. He helped me settle in Portland until I delivered you. I knew that I wasn't ready to raise a child on my own. I was scared that Elliot would never be able to be with us, and I knew I wasn't capable of raising you on my own. I wanted so much more for you. Adoption opened so many possibilities Possibilities for a better life than I ever could have given you on my own."

Olivia and Ella both pushed the food around on their plates, neither one of them with much of an appetite.

"Your father had gone back to his wife and kids. Four beautiful kids, and a wife he had been with since they were 17 years old. I was young and but not naive, and I knew that returning to New York with you would destroy so many lives. I know that's not a good reason, but my heart was shattered because the man I loved chose to not be with me. I was scared that so many people would resent you for your entire life, and I didn't want that for you. You deserved so much more than a life with someone who came so close to destroying a marriage and a family. I wasn't good enough for you." With this admission that she had kept suppressed for 17 years, Olivia dropped her head and began sobbing. Ella reached out and gently took Olivia's hand. In response, Olivia enveloped her daughter's hand in both her hands, and brought it to her face. "I'm so sorry Ella. I really thought I was doing the right thing for you. I didn't want to destroy everyone's lives. Giving you up for adoption and having you be loved and cherished for your entire life was what I felt was best. Elliot could be happy with his family, and the only life I would destroy was my own. I'm so sorry Ella. I always wanted you…more than anything. I just believed you deserved someone better than me."

Ella took Olivia into her arms, and they both sobbed together. Olivia felt like such a failure, but seeing the compassion in her daughter gave her comfort knowing that Ella had been raised by kind parents, and they did such a wonderful job. After a few moments, they both pulled back to look at each other.

"Olivia…I don't hate you. I've always wondered why I was given up. But now that I know, and I understand. I have the most amazing parents who love me, and give me everything I need and want. I also hoped my birth mother was someone amazing, and not someone who regretted having me." Through her tears, Olivia shook her head to make sure Ella knew that she never regretted her for one moment.

The two women sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments while they continued moving the food around their plates. They chatted about their lives. Olivia was excited to learn about Ella's life, and all the milestones she had missed. When she felt it was the right time, Olivia told Ella about Noah, and how she found him and was entrusted to foster and adopt him.

"Noah is amazing. He helped to fill a part of the void that was in my heart from giving you up. I knew that adoption was a blessing, and when Judge Linden presented me with the option, I felt that I was being given a second chance. I was older, and a lot wiser, and I embraced the chance to make a difference for Noah. I hope you can meet him soon."

Ella smiled and nodded very enthusiastically. "I have a brother, and I can't wait to meet him." Olivia started crying again, but this time, they were happy tears.

After a little more time, Ella decided to ask about her father. "So Elliot. You said you were still in touch with him? Are you together now? What is he like?"

Olivia took a deep breath, and pulled her thoughts together. "Like I said, Elliot was my partner. He's the most amazing man. Caring, passionate, loyal, religious, and devoted. He married his high school sweetheart and they raised five beautiful children together. Even though he had feelings for me, his loyalty was to his family. And it always would, and should, be. He's devoted to his job, and fights passionately for victims. He always tries to do good in the world. After our relationship had ended, Elliot went back to Kathy for comfort. After I had returned to New York, while you were still under the three month hold at the adoption agency, I learned that Kathy was pregnant, and Elliot had returned to his family for good. I knew all my choices were for the best, for everyone. That's when I contacted the adoption agency to go forth with the adoption process. They had told me they had a lovely couple who were not able to have children. I wanted you to have a real family. Something I couldn't give you." Olivia looked at Ella with complete defeat in her eyes.

"We were partners for twelve years, and Elliot always had my back…as I had his. We were always in sync…it really was amazing. But after a tragic shooting in the precinct where he shot a teenage girl who had brought in a gun and was shooting so many people, Elliot changed. Killing a teenage who was the daughter of a deceased rape victim that we had been helping, destroyed him. Soon after, he turned in his retirement papers and disappeared. He never even said goodbye to me. It devastated me. I've always had abandonment issues that go way back, and we can certainly talk more of my childhood later." Olivia took another long sip from her water glass.

"I didn't hear from Elliot for ten years. One night, there was an explosion and I received a 10-13 to report the accident site. The victim was Elliot's wife, Kathy, and he had called in and requested for me to report and catch the case. In the chaos of the scene, Elliot appeared. While Kathy was being treated, I learned that they had moved to Rome years ago, and they had worked on their marriage and raised their youngest son. Kathy ended up dying and Elliot sort of spiraled out of control for a while. But he's better now. Works for the NYPD again in the Organized Crime Bureau. We're working on repairing our friendship, and exploring our feelings for each other. I'm hopeful, but I'm scared."

Ella held Olivia's hand and asked, "Does he know about me?"

Olivia shook her head no, started tearing up again. "I'm scared of getting hurt again by your father, but ultimately, I'm terrified to tell him about you. I know it's going to destroy him. His children are his world…he really is the best dad. He will love and cherish you. But I don't think he'll ever forgive me for keeping you from him."

The women held hands, and Ella smiled at Olivia, trying to reassure her that if Elliot loved her, all can be forgiven. Olivia smiled at the kind words of her daughter. She had a heart of gold…a beautiful combination of her birth parents.

"Do you think he'd want to meet me? I really would love to meet him. Can you help me with that?" Olivia nodded yes, and told her daughter that she would take care of everything. At this point, Olivia would give her the world, and anything else she wanted.

But deep in her soul, Olivia was dreading what she had to do next. Confessing everything to Elliot was certainly going to be the final nail in the coffin of any potential relationship with the love of her life.