With dinner completed, kitchen cleaned up, homework done, and the evening routine finalized, Noah headed off to bed, and Olivia retreated to her bedroom. She was still processing the monumental events that had occurred in the past 48 hours.
She knew that Elliot and Ella had lunch together, and she desperately wanted to know how that went. As distraught as she was, she was confident that the two of them would instantly bond. If Elliot was anything, he was a fantastic father. Her internal struggle was tearing her apart. Did she do the right thing by giving Ella up for adoption, and saving Elliot's marriage? Or did she do irreparable damage to her future with Elliot…not just in regards to their personal relationship, but as her best friend. Olivia wanted to drown her sorrows again, and this time in something more significant than red wine. But, she chose to keep a clear head and try to get a good night's sleep.
After a long, hot shower to relax, Olivia changed into her comfy pajama top and shorts, and climbed into the sanctuary of her bed. Guilt and remorse weighed heavily on her heart and mind. She was at a complete loss at how to fix this mess. Her intention was never to hurt anyone, especially Elliot, and now she faces a future, once again, without him.
Just as her eyes were drifting close, Olivia heard the ping text notification from her cell phone:
I'm downstairs. Can we talk?
Elliot
She quickly responded yes, and instructed him to come on up. Springing out of bed, Olivia almost went face first into the wall when her feet got all tangled up in her comforter. She ran to her front door and waited to hear the elevator door open. The last thing she wanted was for Noah to wake up from one of Elliot's signature forceful knocks. When she heard the ding, she opened her front door, and waited for Elliot to cross the threshold before closing it behind them.
"Noah's asleep. We can talk in my bedroom. Would you like something to drink?" Elliot shook his head, and followed Olivia down the hallway. Securing the door, Olivia anxiously turned to face Elliot. "You can sit on the bed if you want." Elliot shook his head again. "You sit down, I'd rather stand right now."
Olivia gently perched herself on the edge of her bed, nervously brought her gaze to Elliot. His cold, intense stare pierced her heart. The silence and the tension was killing her, and she had to know. "How did lunch go?"
Elliot let out a large breath, and softened his stare ever so gently. "She's perfect Olivia. Absolutely amazing. I never knew my life was incomplete, and the second I held her, almost all the pieces of my heart fell into place."
Olivia sheepishly asked, "Almost all the pieces?"
Elliot was slowly pacing, and stopped immediately, with his back to Olivia. "My heart will never be complete without you. And right now, I can't let you near my heart." This admission forced tears to fall from Olivia's eyes, as she hung her head low. "Elliot…I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. I never meant to hurt you."
"We have a daughter! And you never told me! How could you do that? Do that to me?!" Olivia tried to shush Elliot, reminding him that Noah was asleep, and that he doesn't know yet about Ella.
"So another person you are lying to, huh?" Elliot spat out this retort with the intention of hurting Olivia directly, and based on her sinking further into herself, he had succeeded. "Liv…I'm sorry. That wasn't fair." Elliot crossed to the bed, and took a seat next to Olivia. "I'm just trying to understand."
Olivia kept her head low, wiped the tears from her face, and took a deep breath. "El…I never wanted to hurt you. But you were going to be hurt no matter what I did." She turned to face Elliot and looked him straight on, her eyes pleading for him to understand. "If I had returned to New York with a baby, how would that have played out? What would that have done to your family? And don't tell me that we would have figured something out."
Elliot pondered her questions, and really thought about what was being asked. Really thought about what the consequences would have been. For sure, Kathy would never have taken him back. "I don't think she would have kept the kids from me, but I'm sure I wouldn't have the relationship I have today with all of them. And almost certainly, I would have a very minimal relationship with Eli." Elliot lowered his head, shuddering at the thought of not having a solid relationship with his children.
"Do you really think you could have lived with yourself knowing you hurt everyone in your family? Could you have lived with hurting Kathy like that?" Elliot buried his head in his hands, while trying to hold back tears. "El…I wanted to spare your family. I wanted Ella to have a loving home with two parents who would give her everything she could ever want or need. I'm sorry I hurt you, but I truly believed that I would be the only one who was hurt. Giving her up nearly killed me, but she deserved better than me." Olivia buried her head in her hands and began sobbing…releasing all the guilt and anxiety she had been carrying for 17 years.
Elliot's heart broke at Olivia's confession, and he scooted closer to comfort her in his arms. "Liv…please don't say that she deserved better than you. Don't say that about yourself." He gently rocked them while Olivia wrapped her arms tightly around Elliot's waist. "Ella would have had an amazing childhood being raised by you, and you know that I would have done everything I could to help support you and raise her."
The two of them pulled apart, and Elliot held Olivia's hands in his lap. They stared deeply into each other's eyes for what felt like an eternity. Elliot was still hurt and angry, but his heart was breaking seeing Olivia beat herself up like this. "Liv…I'm really trying to process this. I want to forgive you, I really do. I just need time." Olivia clutched Elliot's hands, and slowly nodded her head. "But I absolutely will not allow you to talk about yourself like that. You are an amazing mother to Noah, and Ella would have been blessed to have been raised by you."
Olivia's sobbing slowed down, and her breathing settled. Her voice was a mere whisper. "Thank you Elliot. I'm so sorry I hurt you." Elliot lifted her hands to his mouth, and placed a gentle kiss in her palms. In the quiet of the moment, both of their cell phones pinged with a notification:
Hi Olivia and Elliot. Would you be available to meet tomorrow night after dinner? All of us together? Maybe at one of your homes? I have something for you.
Ella
Their eyes locked, and their smiles widened. "Liv…our daughter wants to meet with us…together. I can't believe those words are coming out of my mouth. Our daughter. I felt guilty for years that I wasn't able to give you a child. And now we have Ella. She's a miracle. Our miracle." Elliot put his arms around Olivia, while she responded for both of them:
Absolutely. We would love to. How about 8pm, my home? 259 W. 80th St. (between Broadway & West End.) We can't wait to see you.