(Posted September 19, 2017)
China's Finger Trap
Autumn of the Red Petals
When I woke up my first morning in Pixie Village, I found myself in an unfamiliar bed, with small pixies all over me. They draped themselves across my legs, warming my feet. They curled over my chest, cuddled beside my arms. Wilcox and Sanderson were right at my neck. Keefe had nestled into my pouch, though Springs couldn't fit at the same time, and had ended up in Longwood's arms on the couch across the room. I couldn't roll over. I couldn't free my arms. My chest lifted, then spasmed downward in a way that definitely wasn't natural for Fairykind. The pixies who covered me seemed to all be asleep.
My half-open eyes registered that the arched ceiling above my head had been crafted of pine wood, with the slightly sticky, sappy beams left exposed. Interesting choice for cloudland architecture; Ambrosine had certainly spared no expense on a master bedroom for his only son. I rather suspect his reason for doing so was mainly to spite Praxis with how he chose to spend his share of the Whimsifinado fortune. "The family funds are to be used in the case some descendant should need them in bringing about new life to the universe," my oracle ancestor Windshine Whimsifinado had declared generations ago. Apparently as the holotype of a new Fairy subspecies, I qualified. So there was that. And, Ambrosine had likely slept in this very room while staying in the village with my pixies. I was still on Coordinated Cloudland Time, but knowing him, he was already up and waiting for me in the kitchen downstairs.
I'd have preferred white and purple, but the bedroom had a brown aesthetic evidently some combination of my being born in the Year of Soil and China's distinct woodland decorating style. Across from my bed lay Longwood on that couch, his jaw propped on his fist and drool leaking down his cheek. The huge windows above him had been thrown open at some point during the night. Or perhaps earlier this morning- a testament of Ambrosine's hopeless belief that the dawning sky would wake me up as the Sun shifted below the clouds. The manor had two floors, and even from my position across the room, I had an excellent view of the fountain and benches in the village square. In fact, from my bed I could see all the way to the golden hump of bridge and the edge of the main cloud's drop. The tram station would spring up on the far side soon enough, just past that "Welcome to Pixie Village" sign.
Two unlit candles, my glasses, a copy of Da Rules, a set of ceramic shark figurines, a new ulkroot wand Ambrosine had picked up for me but that I obviously didn't intend to use, and a shiny black scry bowl lay on the night stand near my head. The fireplace snapped and sparked in the corner near Longwood's head, warming both the room and Emery's cat sìth, who lay on the rug with the end of his tail twitching in his dreams.
When I woke up my first morning in Pixie Village, I couldn't breathe.
It was very hot. That was the main thought cycling through my head as I struggled to sit up. I lay on my back, my wings beating like a frantic drum, tangled in my blankets and beneath the pixies who weighed me down. They started to stir. It was only with a tremendous heave that I managed to roll halfway over and send all of them tumbling from my bed to the solid floor. Keefe squirmed in my pouch. Ignoring him, I scuffled with my blankets. My tongue drooped from my mouth. The blankets had twisted around me. I writhed again, getting up on my knees, but couldn't quite shake them off. My wings rustled and whined.
"Hot," I somehow managed to croak, panting the feeble word. "Hot. Hot. Hot."
As the other pixies complained where they had fallen, only Wilcox realized what had happened. He flashed to his feet, snatched up my scry bowl, and threw its contents over my face. I blinked at the wetness, unable to respond. From a distance, I heard him barking orders. Hawkins, get Ambrosine. Sanderson, get those blankets off him. Madigan, soak the towels in the bathroom. Bring them here fast. Bayard, stay out of the way. Go, go!
"Hot," I whimpered. My knees and elbows gave out. I flopped down- thankfully on my side, not crushing Keefe beneath me, even though his squirming had become more cranky and erratic. Small feet and wings took off in all directions. Sanderson untangled my limbs from the blankets, and Wilcox stayed beside my head. He'd picked up Da Rules and started running his thumb across its pages, over and over. Trying vainly, I think, to fan my face down.
"What?" mumbled Longwood from the couch. I heard him yawn. "What's going on?"
Madigan returned with the damp towel. Wilcox draped it over my forehead. I clawed in his direction, not sure what I was groping for. When Ambrosine arrived a minute and a half later, he carried in his arms the large grayfish tank from my office downstairs. Full of water, but no aquatic lifeforms- apparently, they'd been poofed to the pitcher in Hawkins' hand. I didn't even have the chance to squeeze my eyes shut before Ambrosine upended the tank on my head. The water was icy when it hit my skin.
"Wet!" Still on my side, I flapped one hand at the air. "Now I'm wet, wet, wet."
"Keefe?" Ambrosine asked Wilcox.
"His pouch."
"Hmm." He eased me onto my back. This twisted my arm a bit beneath me, and crumpled my wings, but he ignored that fact. Instead, he leaned over and pressed his mouth into mine. The sour, pink taste of his magic made me sputter, but after he did it twice, I found I possessed the coordination to push him off. I rolled to my side again. Ambrosine started to make another move for me, but before he could, I drew myself into a kneeling position, arched my back, and buzzed my wings. Droplets flew from the membranes and spattered the headboard, the wall, and my onlookers. I shook myself off, twice, and glanced up.
"Good boy," Ambrosine said, ruffling Wilcox's scrubby hair with his hand. "We saved him."
"What's going on?" mumbled Longwood from the couch with Springs.
"You overheated, H.P.," Wilcox told me, clutching Da Rules to his chest.
"You sound like you blame yourself." I had to say it twice before my words were strong enough to carry.
"I learned about it in school. Overheating until you drop your lines is a surefire way to kill a gyne."
"Fairies are an ectothermic race. It happens."
"Not often in the cloudlands." Wilcox replaced Da Rules on my night stand and handed me my glasses instead. I set them on my nose, then took them off and polished them on the bottom of my shirt. He stared at me with his eyes still stretched. "Boss, you could have died."
"But thanks to you, I didn't. Where's my cohuleen druith? Now that I'm awake, it won't be long before the magic is actively pumping through my blood again instead of lying quietly in my veins. I'm going to need it."
Ambrosine swung it off the bedpost and handed it to me. I sighed and rose to my wings. Now the sheets were all messy. Soaked, too. A distinctly Head Pixie-shaped sweat stain lay in the middle, darker even than all the water that had been splashed on my head. I'd have to wash the blankets later. Key word being later. Right now I just wanted to straighten them. I shooed Sanderson off and tugged the sheets back into place.
"I think it was the fireplace," I said. "I would have been fine if the fireplace hadn't been running. That's what made this room so stuffy."
"Fergus."
"It was the fireplace and the blankets together."
Ambrosine cleared his throat. I fixed my glasses before I turned around, my arms crossed.
"All right, I'll admit it. I didn't send my pixies to their cabin last night like you told me to before bed. Punish me if you like. It was pleasant to have them near me after I've been away so long. I fell into some touchy-feely habits during those nine hundred and seven years we crammed ourselves into Wish Fixers, and my five hundred years in the Eros Nest. But I realize it's time to face the facts. I have too many pixies. This has to stop." I turned my eyes away from Ambrosine and swept them over my offspring themselves. "If you can't fit in my pouch, then you aren't allowed to sleep with me. That's the rule. It applies to all of you. Not in my bed. Not in this entire room. We were going to have to make this change eventually. I can't get through life with every drone I'll ever birth piled on top of me. You wouldn't have fit. Do you all understand? Sanderson?"
He looked away with a bitter swing of his head. "Yes, sir."
So that was my welcome home from the Eros Nest. Ambrosine shuffled my pixies downstairs for breakfast, and I set about preparing for my morning by changing into dry clothes and wiping my face clean. Only Wilcox lingered behind as I went about my work, his forehead pressed to the frame of my washroom door. I glanced at him in the mirror.
"Wilcox?"
He grunted something.
"Please speak up. I'm not fond of your mumbling."
"I'm sorry, H.P. I'm the one who went to school. I should have been smarter."
"Don't blame yourself for things that aren't your fault. Was it your decision to create gynes so they are so prone to overheating like that? No. You are forgiven. Go on down to breakfast."
He turned away, then paused, bobbing up and down in the wide doorway. Swinging back around to me, he flew forward and threw his arms around my stomach.
"Off." I snapped my fingers and pointed out of the washroom. Wilcox scuttled away, clutching the front of his pajama shirt with both fists as he went. His sunken cheeks and bone-pale skin took on an unpleasant tint of orange-red. Before he reached my bedroom door, he morphed into a purple jackrabbit with tall black ears. I heard his thumping paws bounding all the way down the hall.
I assume you all realize by now why I include details such as this. Then again, you are drones, so I will spell it out. I am not in the business of allowing hugs. Not even to those who may perhaps have saved my life. I ask that you all keep yourselves composed- not merely in my presence, but in everyone else's presence too. We are professionals. Let's behave in such a manner.
With Wilcox gone, I leaned against my new granite bathroom counter with my chin in my fists. Apart from when clothes shopping yesterday, and from glancing at myself last night before bed, I hadn't seen my reflection in centuries. I'd had limited ability or desire to shave my face. My fingers twitched against my cheeks. It would be so easy to pick up a wand and ping the bristles on my chin away. But, my pixies were limited to having juvenile locks on their powers for now, and their magic wasn't per se incredible anyway. I dared not trust their skills in making clean cuts with their own hands, let alone trying to manipulate that magic from a distance. Ambrosine had already spent so much effort on me, I was reluctant to ask him. A certain point had come in my youth where he'd lightly smacked the back of my head when I'd suggested he help me with my basic morning routine, as though I'd requested something as basic as him tying my shoes. So, no.
I went outside to fetch vapor droplets from the well, hauled the full buckets up to my tub over three different runs, then shaved by hand, and finally picked up the comb Ambrosine had provided. I brushed my hair for the first time in too long. Then I dressed. I ate breakfast at my leisure. Keefe and Springs, still in their exoskeletons, had been weaned off milk before our departure from the Nest, though not off my magic, so I spent the morning in our little library as Springs nursed in my pouch. It was… surreal. I had the freedom to make choices again. I could move about. I could change my surroundings. I could read books. We owned so many books.
"Slow down," Ambrosine said when I flew into the kitchen for the fifth time in three hours, just to pull a clean dish from the cupboard and rinse it in the sink. "You've got all the time in the world to settle in."
"If I want to wash dishes, I'm going to wash dishes. Smoof, Ambrosine- tile! You gave me a kitchen with tile. It's cold and smooth and clean. I'm going to walk on it in my bare feet."
It was an impatient morning spent with my scry bowl never more than a wingspan away. I waited for the Fairy Council to contact me about my position as head of my race. After all, I had a coronation to attend down in Inis Fáil, didn't I? A day wasn't supposed to pass with that sort of position still open. Hadn't Venus submitted her paperwork yet? It ruffled my wings and drained my energy to maintain my patience. But the Council didn't call.
When mid-afternoon struck Pixie Village and the sun had set on the Stone of Destiny, I gave up waiting for them. Perhaps tomorrow. If not, then certainly the day after that. Instead, I occupied myself monitoring Keefe and Springs as they toddled and flitted about with their baby wings, splashing each other with dashes of fountain water. Emery stopped by to visit, so I sat on the nearest bench when she arrived beside me with a prim poof.
"We didn't get to talk much yesterday. You're looking well, Emery. Are you still with Logan? He's a decent man, even if he did break client confidentiality."
"Hm? Oh, we see each other on and off. We work on opposite sides of Faeheim, but sometimes we meet up for lunch. And technically, he didn't break confidentiality. He was in the Nest researching things when the Triplets started snooping around and figured out what was going on. And you became your own race out of it, so."
I tipped my head. "Yes. No notches in your costas, I see, and no wedding band on your hand. I really thought you'd have a nymph by now. You know that you're over 300,000. That's not common, to be without a husband at this age."
Emery shrugged her wings, unclipping the name tag from her Amity vest. "I've been taking care of your pixies for centuries. Dad and I poured a lot of money into building you this place, which is also kinda my place to hang for now if you haven't figured that out. It's not the right time for a nymph of my own. Why rush? Logan's young and I'm a damsel. I'll be fertile for the rest of my life."
"Not ready to go hands-off when you start the Year of Promise, I see."
She slapped my shoulder. "Shut up. The most we've done is kiss after our third date." Taking a seat on the bench beside me, she stretched out her legs and said, "How was your day? Did you ring up Iris yet?"
I frowned. "Should I have? We scheduled a time to meet on Wednesday. I thought everything was smooth on my end."
Emery stared at the sky, then pushed her fingers through her hair. "Right. Duh. Just make sure you go to that meeting. Don't you dare procrastinate. Trust me, you should talk with her."
"Of course. She offered me a job, after all."
"Dad's going back to work at Wish Fixers on Saturday. I'll be at Amity doing my own thing. Do you have someone to watch the pixies when you meet with her?"
"It'll be taken care of tonight. I have a plan." I leaned back, spreading my arms across the back of the bench. "So. You have a wand. Let's talk about that. I'm on magic ration, and I want to go out."
"Hmm?" Emery glanced at me. "Where to?"
I paused, adjusting the rumpled collar of my shirt. Keefe and Springs roamed around the next bench over, squeaking "Poof poof"s at each other and pulling one another's wings. "First to the nice milkshake stop in that small Barrenglades town with the nickname of Mattress World. Then to Lau Rell."
"Oh, no." Emery got up, lifting her hands. "I'm not going to take you to see your ex-wife. I don't want to get involved. Not to mention they're two hours ahead of us and that town gets super creepy when it's late."
"It's important," I pressed. "I want to thank her for giving me the village. You two did work with her, didn't you?"
She looked me up and down, fiddling with a green earring that dangled from her slightly pointed ear. "Well, yes, but… I can't in good conscience let you do this. You're divorced. Mayfleet worked with us because you had started this project with her and had offered to pay her well, but seriously, you two aren't a thing anymore. You need to move on. Like, think about all the other damsels you've met lately. Wouldn't you be interested in getting to know one of them?" Emery tugged at one of the golden buttons on her white vest. "Maybe a damsel who's a hard worker, passionate about helping people, not too much younger than you, assertive but with just the right amount of submissiveness in her personality to click with a dominant gyne, never been married, pretty smart even if she is too clueless to realize how perfect you two would be together…"
I tapped my chin. "Let's ignore the fact that I still want to thank China for what she's done, which is why I'm asking you to take me to Lau Rell, and I'll acknowledge this hypothetical situation by saying, I don't know any damsel who meets those qualifications."
"You're yanking my lines. You can't think of even one?"
"Mmm… Nope. I've been in the Eros Nest for the last five hundred years. That limited my damefriend options to the passersby who stared through the menagerie windows and tapped on the glass."
Emery moved both her hands towards my throat. She stopped, made a decision, and pulled them back. "You know what? Let's do it. I'll poof you over to see China. But Dad won't like it. And frankly, I'm not sure you will either."
I shook my head. Pushing down on my knees, I stood. "This is between my ex-wife and me. Don't concern yourself with what you think is best for us. I know exactly what I'm doing. Just give me ten minutes to freshen up."
She raised her wand. "Would you like me to-?"
"No, I can do it myself. Just stay right there. Watch Keefe and Springs for me." I backed away, holding my palm in her direction as I moved towards the manor.
Ambrosine leaned against the banister of the wide steps as I raced up to the top floor. Then he watched me come back down a few minutes later. "Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah," he said, putting out his walking stick to bar my way (In theory; of course, I was a lot larger than him, and the ceiling high enough, that I could have flown over his head). "Rein in the unicorns, manticore. Where are you going dressed so nice? Not to the hiking paths. There's no tram station yet, and you're on magic ration. Your flying abilities leave a lot to be desired. If you take one step off this cloud, you'll plunge to Plane 2. What's the plan?"
I straightened my tie. "I'm going to Lau Rell to thank Dm. Mayfleet personally for her hard work with the village. Emery's taking me."
"You march right back to your room and rinse off that cologne first, young man."
My wings flapped hard. I descended another step, gripping the banister with my fist. "I'm an adult, Ambrosine. You stand in my home. You can't tell me what to do."
He raised one eyebrow.
"Yeah, I'll go rinse off the cologne."
Once I had scrubbed myself clean to Ambrosine's liking, Emery poofed us first to the shake shop, and then to Lau Rell, as I had requested. "Thank you," I told her, clearing the accompanying cloud of dust away with my hand. "You can wait out here. I might be a while, and I'd rather talk to her in private."
"I'm just going to wander the streets. It's a little town. Come find me when you're done. Just don't be stupid."
"Pfft." I handed her the milkshakes while I flared the collar of my white shirt. "Don't worry about me."
I had half-expected to be thronged when I pushed open the door of Helping Hands Design with my shoulder and stepped through. I'd paid many a visit here while China and I were married, and surely news of me had spread during my imprisonment. Ambrosine's Whimsifinado v. Eros Nest case had hit the books as a precursor for cases about the ethical debate of restraining someone with a yoo-doo doll against their will, after all. Also I was the first of a new race in the universe. But I received nothing. It wasn't even Astra at the front desk as usual. I didn't recognize the bored ishigaq sitting there.
"I'm here to speak with China Mayfleet," I said, hiding the milkshakes behind my back. "Is she around?"
"She went home for the evening. Can I help you?"
I frowned. "Oh. No, thank you. Does she still reside here in Lau Rell?"
"One street east of the tram station. Pink house, white door."
"I know the one. Thank you."
Emery had already left by the time I stepped outside, which I was grateful for. I knew the way to China's house by muscle memory, and as I always did, when I settled on her porch, I found myself staring up at it wondering how such a simple-looking dwelling could house such wonders of interior design within. Did she still have those glass stairs? She'd always been proud of those glass stairs… Out of habit, I reached to take a nonexistent green key to the door from my pocket, before remembering I should knock instead. So I did.
She came on foot. Quickly at first, but her footsteps slowed as she neared and our attraction signals mingled together, separated only by the door. I sensed her put her hand over her mouth. There was a pause. Then, resolving herself by squaring her shoulders, she unlatched the locks and eased the door open.
First came her face. She'd let her hair loose from her old bun. It brushed her shoulders, soft and frizzy. No apron, but she'd kept the checkers, even if now they were red and black and she wore a shirt without any sleeves. Her dark skin glistened in the glow of the bobbing artificial lights beyond the door. Dabs of colored paint sprinkled her fingers and her nose. I couldn't resist a small smile at that. Typical China. She always touched her face, no matter what was on her hands, be it paint, flour, or cookie dough.
"Fergus," she said. No hiding behind the door for her- oh, not for her. She leaned her head against it, one webbed hand braced to her hip and the other arm stretched above her head. Her short wings folded and shuffled themselves behind her back.
"I brought you a milkshake, Dm. Mayfleet," I said, extending my arm. "Chocolate's still your favorite, I hope?"
China straightened. When she let go of the door, it opened a little further. I could see over her shoulder that the walls were still emerald green. The offices branching to either side of the front hall looked the same as I remembered. And yes, there were those glass stairs to my left, behind the couch where we had sat after Longwood's birth. China took the paper cup and pulled the red straw around to her lips. "Mm," she said after having the first taste. Then she took a step away from the door. "It's nice to see you again. I can guess why you're here, and I'm in the mood to allow it. You wanna pop in and plop down for just a minute?"
"I would." I shut the door behind me and leaned my back against it. "You look great. Really. I like your socks."
She shrugged, not taking her eyes from me, or her mouth from her straw. I cleared my throat.
"So. Life stuff. Do you still have student loans? Or is that all taken care of?"
"I'm doing well for myself."
A decidedly cryptic answer. Her personal business; no small talk desired. Best to push forward, then. I adjusted the bottom of my shirt.
"I'm home. From the place. You know about the Eros Nest, I'm sure."
"Ambrosine and Emery told me. No hard feelings that I never stopped by? I didn't want to support what the Eroses were doing to you by paying the fee to visit."
My shoulders relaxed just a bit when she said that. Oh. "I'm not the type to hold strong feelings. I wanted to thank you." I fingered my own milkshake. "I saw Pixie Village for the first time last night. You did a wonderful job."
China shrugged in a listless manner. "I hope you don't think it's weird that I know what your bedroom looks like. I wanted it to have trees and stuff, but then I thought about it some more and I didn't want it to hit too close to… home."
"No, no…" My eyes fell to my shoes. "The bedroom's dazzled. I like what you did with my office."
"Oh, Ambrosine did most of that. I'm more of a pizazz person. He's good with work spaces and he wanted something functional."
"Yeah?"
Silence fell on our shoulders. I took another sip of my vanilla shake and let my eyes wander around the front room. Glassy-looking tiles, which I knew now were just plain concrete disguised via illusion. A cheap trick of dust and kitchen wands, as we say in our business. My former office on the right-hand side had been redecorated. It was clean, empty, and dark. Not a paper out of place and only decorative books on the shelves. Hers on the left hadn't changed a bit. Blueprints everywhere.
"Thanks for thanking me," China said. "And for bringing me the milkshake. I do like chocolate."
"It's just you? Alone in this big house?"
"Just me. It's been nice. I've gotten a lot done. Sometimes I travel. I've kept painting."
"Oh? Still mostly doing flowers?"
She gazed towards the ceiling. "Flowers. Trees. All the seasons. You know how much I like nature. Spent some time visiting my mom in the Specific awhile ago. The coral down there is beautiful this time of year. I do commissions and things. Lots of zodiac pieces for Fairies coming of age. I'm trying to move on to people and faces, but that's a lot trickier."
I nodded. "You seem happy."
"I am." China examined her paint-splattered hand, then glanced back up at me. "How are the boys?"
"They seem to be doing okay. Of course, I've been away for centuries. But they're all alive, and they appear to be thriving. They keep me plenty busy. I'm up to nine pixies now, not counting the one I left in the Eros Nest." I watched her face for any twitch of muscles. "Imagine that. Nine."
"Nine's a lot," she agreed. "Especially so close together. Holy mackerels. You've been busy."
I brought the straw to my lips again. "I've lost weight. My muscles aren't the most impressive, but they're obvious."
"I'm happy for you. You always wanted to cut down on the belly."
"You've gotten prettier since the last time I saw you. You were holding out on me."
She laughed. "My inner beauty is finally showing through. I've been coming out of my shell this last decade. I've been to plays in real theaters, visited the Zodiac Temples, and seen such beautiful buildings both on this side of the Barrier and in Anti-Fairy World. Oh, the buildings, Fergus! Castles, spires, towers, pyramids…" She sighed at the memory, gazing up at me with a distant smile across her lips. The gentle, bobbing lights of the living room twinkled in her eyes. "Without a drake using my coat to keep me on a short leash, I've had the chance to roam all I want. I love it."
"Not that I ever really had your coat for long," I pointed out, arching an amused eyebrow. I took her free hand and drew her closer, until she bumped against me. "You had me fooled for millennia with that thing, you know. You clever, clever damsel, you."
"Mm," she murmured, tilting back her head. "I did outsmart you, didn't I?"
"Oh, you did." I placed my arm behind her and kissed her just beside the lips. "You got me good, China. Dear dust, how I've missed your brains."
"My brains are nice," she agreed in a wistful way. She hadn't opened her eyes, but she'd crushed the bottom of her milkshake cup in her hand. Liquid and chocolate cream oozed dangerously close to the top. "What else did you miss while you were in the Nest?"
My eyelids fluttered shut. I kissed her again, actually touching the edge of her lips this time. "I missed your lovely face. I missed your hair. I missed your scarlet eyes."
China set her left hand against my upper arm, tracing my muscles with her fingertips. "Go on."
Still gripping my milkshake, I moved my own hands down her spine, beneath her wings, and leaned her slightly backwards. "I missed holding you, my dear. I missed our playful banter. I missed lying beneath the sheets with you, groping for your hand while you were sleeping and trying to interlock our fingers, even though your hands are webbed and it never really worked."
"You don't miss our nights together."
"Oh, but I do, Dm. Mayfleet. You with your delicate and tender skin, shining like a dark galaxy underneath me, always so much left to explore…" My third kiss touched just beneath her nose, and it lingered for a long time before I gently disconnected. "Shall we take this someplace more private? I'd like to continue serenading you without having to worry the kids will walk in on us."
China brought her milkshake towards her face and parted her lips, though she didn't touch the straw. She held my gaze with a solid stare. "Oh? And what else are you going to do to me when we're in private?"
"Mm…" I let my mouth hover above hers. "I haven't worked out all the details yet."
"Liar," she chuckled. I leaned our foreheads together.
"Dazzle it, you know me too well. Since you asked, I've scheduled the time to undress you bit by bit instead of skipping straight ahead to when we're already unclothed, and we can take it slow from there. Very, very slow. I want to hold your attention all night."
"Cinnamon…" She squirmed against my hands. Her fingers trailed from my arm, along my neck, and towards a particular spot on my forehead. "Not in front of the kids. Wilcox is probably watching from upstairs."
The apexes of my wings swished against the backs of my knees. I leaned her even further down. My free fingers slid through the back of her hair. "They're all out playing, guppy. I even shook off Sanderson so we could sneak in a little special alone time. We'll take a break in an hour, and you can rest while I put them to bed. Focus on us. Just you, just me, all night."
Mid-kiss, she dropped her milkshake with a splatter and jolted beneath my touch. I let her go in surprise as she jerked upright, clapping her hand from my forehead to hers. "Wait a second! Cheese and crackers, I can't be doing this. I'm not married to you anymore." She jabbed her finger at my eyes. "We're not married. Shame on you and your pheromones. Curse my selkie instincts. Bad China. No dessert tonight."
"Oh. Right. I did my wooing out of order, didn't I? Well. The fact that we aren't married won't matter in a few minutes. Or at least, I hope it won't."
China backed away. "Fergus- Head Pixie- it was really great to see you again. Okay, so I might have a few fantasies left in me. I won't deny that. You were fun to have around and I've never been the most chaste of Fairies. But I'm not interested in having a one-night stand with you."
I scratched behind my ear. "I didn't exactly stop by to ask you for a one-night stand. See, China, I came here to say something else."
"Whoa, hey, what are you doing?" she asked as I took off my hat and got down on my knees.
"China, hear me out. I spent a lot of time in the Eros Nest, and I've reevaluated some things about my life. First and foremost, I don't want to go back to being alone. I'm not the domestic type. In that sense, I'm foolish and out of my league. It's come to my attention that you are brilliant. You're an excellent maternal figure, and you can teach me to be better than what I am. I value your companionship and I trust that you can benefit not only me, but the entire pixie race. So I came here to ask if you would marry me again. Come live with us in the village. I want you beside me to help raise my drakes. Nine is a lot. I grew up without Solara. I know what it's like. I don't want my pixies to grow up without you. Please. I can't do it alone, China… I mean, I can, but I don't want to. I want to do it with someone who cares about them. I want you."
Her mouth hung open. She took another step back, and her heel landed in spilled chocolate milkshake. She shifted to the side instead. "Fergus, we're over."
I tilted my head. "But my time in the Eros Nest proved it, didn't it? I was right all along, and you were wrong. Longwood, Caudwell, and Bayard are essentially yours as much as mine. I never cheated on you. So you shouldn't be mad at me anymore, and we can get back together now. You were always better with the nymphs than I was. You can look after any gynes I have, and I'll manage the drones."
"Stop."
"And you'll always have new buildings to design," I continued, getting back to my feet with two flaps, "and so many pixies who all want to decorate their own rooms-"
"Stop it."
"And sleeping together?" I chuckled and reached for her arm again. Darkly, thinly. "After the nightmare I've been trapped in for the past five hundred years, the thought doesn't bother me like it once did. In fact, I'll confess I'm actually looking forward to the experience again. It's been a long time and there's enough gyne in me to crave what I've been missing out on. Tonight will be the first night of our re-engagement, yes? I. Am. Yours. See? Now that I'm Head Pixie, all the problems between us can just magically ping away."
China slapped the back of my wrist. It hit with a solid smack, her webbed fingers spread. "Stop it!"
I closed my mouth, though only slightly, and withdrew my stung hand.
"Fergus, do you even know what a divorce is? We're not together anymore. And we are never going to be together anymore." Her hand went up to her hair. "I- I don't know what came over me when I let you kiss me. That was stupid, and it wasn't worth it if it means I led you on. But I'm not interested in remarrying you."
I rubbed my chin. "Mm… Okay. But I think you missed my main point. We had to separate because you thought I didn't want to sleep with you and my nymphs were mothered by someone else. But there's proof now that that's not true. So the problem has been solved. I forgive you."
China watched my face with angled eyes. Once upon a time, that bristling look had been able to make me squirm my wings. I was immune to it now, and I simply gazed solidly back at her.
"You forgive me," she repeated, folding her arms.
"Of course. That's what I said, didn't I?"
"But you won't apologize for any wrong you've done."
"What wrong is there?"
"This, Fergus." China shook her head, clutching her shoulders. "I put up with this sort of thing when you held my coat, but I can't live like this for the rest of my life. I won't marry a man who refuses to accept that he's ever in the wrong."
I frowned. "But I wasn't. I fail to follow your logic about this. Can you clarify your position on the matter?"
"I have no interest in investing my resources in your business. Ever."
I retreated a step, holding the cohuleen druith to my chest. "Oh. Um. Oh. Wow." I put my thumb in my mouth for a second, then replaced my hat. My milkshake still sat alone on the floor between us. "It was my understanding that we had a connection. I can see I was misinformed."
China's wings began to tremble. "Misinformed? No. No, no, no. That's not an apology, Fergus. You are not leaving this house until I hear an apology."
We stared at each other as I furiously wracked my brain for anything I could apologize for. It didn't seem like I needed to. No. No, it didn't. In the end, I shut my eyes and decided to carefully step back from that subject. "Okay. I will admit it. While I did approach you in the hopes that we could find mutual happiness in merging our assets, I also came here on purely selfish reasons. The Eroses have told me that I'm dying."
She froze. Her milkshake continued to dribble across the floor. I bent and picked mine up from where I'd left it when I knelt, but didn't take another sip even though most of it was left. "How… how much longer do you have?" she asked when I straightened again.
I switched the cup to my left hand and reached up to adjust my glasses. "They've given me just over 18,000 years. That's taking into account the fact that my biology forces me to give birth every five hundred years, that I have to nurse each pixie on my magic until they start secreting oils and dust on their own, and assuming I limit my wand waves to one simple thing per day. And… Venus wasn't clear as to whether the magic usage of my pixies was included in that. All their wands are technically registered to my DNA, after all. It's my name that's printed along the shaft. I don't know how it works. I have no idea how it works with identical twins, either. I was talking to Ambrosine about the whole thing, but…" I glanced towards a leafy tree painted across her green, green wall. I licked my lips. "Yes. It wasn't good news."
"Oh." Silence. Then, "I'm so sorry."
"I need someone to look after my pixies when I'm gone." Turning to her again, I held out my hand, palm upturned. "China, I married you all those years ago for a reason. You're wonderful. Seriously, you are. You're gentle and smart and talented and charitable and beautiful to boot. You're basically perfect; it's not even fair. We shouldn't have fought. I've spent the last 1,000 years totally without you."
"What about-"
"Except that time we met up when we were working out the arrangements of my commission." I beckoned for her hand with a twitch of my fingers, though she didn't offer it to me. "China, please. It's been so long. I want you back. You'd be a valuable asset to the village."
She rubbed behind her neck. Her tongue flew out and touched a bit of green paint on the tip of her nose. "I… can't."
"Are you seeing someone else? I understand, though I had hoped…"
China danced her weight between her feet, fingers flickering against her skin as she tapped out her thoughts. "I don't love you anymore," was her final verdict.
I tsk tsked and set my fists against my hips. "You never really loved me, dame. You're a creature of lust just as I am a creature of logic. Romance never existed between us, nor did either of us honestly expect it to. Come now. You're a selkie and you know perfectly well you never gave me your soul to begin with, so I don't know why this time should be any different. Where's your coat, China?" I raised one eyebrow. "Do you want some random drake to pluck it up as he's passing through? You've lived with me before, and I like to think I treated you well. At least with me you'll know what you're getting into. Wouldn't you rather it be your choice?"
"I have made my choice." China tipped up her chin. "You'll be disappointed to hear that I'm the plaything of no drake. Not now or ever again."
"Of course you aren't. Now, can you give me a straight answer? Are you coming back to the village with me or not?"
"I'm my own selkie, and I go only where I want. See, I burned my coat ten years ago."
The milkshake plunged from my hand. "China!" I was on my knees instantly regardless of the vanilla mess, yanking her down to my level. My fumbling hands went to her cheeks. I dragged her forehead into mine. "You didn't. Tell me you didn't."
She grinned and wrapped her long fingers around my wrists. "Oh, I did. My house stank of burning hair for a month."
I shook her face, willing her to understand. My mouth groped for words, but it took a minute to find them. When they came, they were choppy. "You traded your pass to Plane 23 just to spend the next few hundred millennia with- with- without drakes? Drakes who hold no power over you if they don't even wear your coat? The coat that was safely in your possession and hidden away when I left you all those years ago? Sacred smoof, China- you're a selkie! Do you realize you're going to die a dustless death now?"
She laughed. She just threw her arms around my neck and laughed, and laughed, shaking against my chest. "Fergus, I've never felt freer! All my life I let myself be haunted by the words of the media that selkies were brought into existence to be obedient housewives or baby-bearers. If they were lucky. Some of us just end up the lowly snatters of any random Fairy to come along and land their coat."
"No. Shh." I kissed her dark hair, rubbing my hand between her wings. "That's an ugly word. Chickadee, you know you were more than that to me. We'll fix this somehow. We'll get you a new coat. When Venus's paperwork goes through and I meet with the Council for my coronation, I'll tell them it was an accident. They can talk to the Fairy Elder about it, and she'll figure something out. She's the Fairy Elder. She can do anything. I'll pay anything to save you. Nothing's impossible when you have enough money."
"I don't want a new coat. For the first time in my life, I can see clearly now." China raised her head from my shoulder, her eyes shining. "Plane 23 isn't the home of the spirits. Heaven isn't real."
I pulled away. "You don't know that."
"But I do." She gripped my lapels in both hands and wrenched my head down to meet hers. "Fergus, it doesn't make sense. Daoist teachings claim that upon death, the three parts of the soul withdraw into their shared core so they can become one again. But how does that soul even get up to Plane 23 anyway? Smoke and vapor I guess I can see rising upwards, but dust? Dust stays behind."
My fingers tightened around her shoulders. "The concept is metaphorical, not literal."
China tossed her head. "Okay, so that's whatever. But hear me out. If counterparts - all three counterparts - are meant to be treated as equal and join together in harmony after death, then why are all those Anti-Fairies explicitly forbidden from participating in Daoist baptism rituals and coming of age ceremonies?"
"I- Because they're not- Um, well… I've never actually thought about that before. You put me on the spot. Just, the Finella reflex would kick in-"
"And the merchants who fetch rosewater to fill our starpieces?" Victory sparkled in her eyes like shards of broken crystal. "The great fountain Kiiloëi sits on Plane 24, Fergus. If all Fairykind go to Plane 23, why hasn't anyone ever seen them?"
"I… Because no one's ever looked for them."
China snorted in amusement. It sounded half like a seal's bark. She released my collar and brushed her hands down the red and black checkers of her shirt. "In over 4.5 billion years, you'd think someone would have stopped to have tea on the way."
I clenched my fists against her back, then unclenched them again. "I've witnessed a dustless death with my own eyes, China. During the uprising in Great Sidhe. He was a friend."
"Fair enough, fair enough, but consider my counterpoint: That was from inrita, which drains magic anyway. What about all those other ways the media claims will lead you to die dustless? Who can prove them? Slaughtering a unicorn, dying in a cù sith's body, killing someone in prayer, and let's not forget the poor nymph with the flight casings still on his wings-"
"Stop it." I covered her mouth. "Stop. Let me have my beliefs."
China peeled my fingers away. "Anyway, I've been taking Zodii teachings since before you moved in, and after you left, I finally-"
I rose abruptly with three quick beats of my wings, and she dropped to the floor. "Beyond their strict marriage rituals, Zodiism is a lawless religion that leads to chaos and dysfunction. Rules keep the peace in the universe, China, and yet the Zodii spit upon them; it's considered largely Anti-Fairy culture for a reason. Daoism is a religion of self-actualization, which is a scientifically healthy concept. Believe me, I'm the psychologist's son. But the Zodii throw themselves into the arms of luck and fate. I mean, I enjoy math. I've been fascinated with math since I was a nymph. But they take enjoying math to a bizarre extreme, running nonsensical calculations about the sky and worshiping the stars, when we all know the stars are ancient Fairy warriors protecting us in case the Darkness should ever return."
"You really believe that story?" China asked, pushing back her frizzy hair. "Skyships and merchants and modern science textbooks notwithstanding?"
"Of course I do." I shook my head, rubbing one knuckle under my nose. "China, be reasonable. To think that you can predict the personality and course of a nymph's life from birth is, quite frankly, ridiculous. Look at me. My pixies are genetically identical. Three were born in the Water Year, three in Breath, three in Leaves, and one in Sky, and still each one is completely unique. Sanderson is of the Charged Waters, and Wilcox the Shifted River. But one is chronically reliant upon my attention, and the other is fiercely independent. It's a drastic difference without a correlation, China. Even Keefe and Springs have started establishing themselves."
China bent down to pick up our fallen milkshake cups. She set them on the end table beside the couch, even though they still dripped sticky drips. "I can't believe that after all these years, you are still this stubborn and uncompromising. That's so like a Soil. If you'd just befriend a Zodii-"
"How could I ever befriend a Zodii? Their beliefs are in direct opposition with my morals." I squeezed my hands into fists at my waist, wings beginning to spin. "They worship their generic elemental deity archetypes. They spend millions of lagelyn crafting their temples to exact mathematical specifications, and millions more erecting random misshapen monuments in their honor- which is stupid in its own way since the nature spirits supposedly manifest with a different appearance to everyone who sees them. That money could be put to better use actually helping people who need homes or food."
"Where do you think that cash is going?" China crossed her arms again, glaring at me over her shoulder since she hadn't yet turned around. "The transfer of lagelyn stimulates the economy between we Seelie and the Anti-Fairies. It gives them culture and unites them with a purpose. I've seen the benefits, and I've watched the personal arcs of growth. I'm an architect. I'm a great architect. I've been designing Zodii monuments since before Sanderson was a thought in your head."
I grit my teeth at her choice of words, but forged on anyway. "The Zodii marry their children at birth to the first member of the 'correct' zodiac they stumble across, and refuse to budge on the matter regardless of the relation or level of consent between the two adults when they grow up. Even my father, though technically betrothed from a young age to one of his cousins, was released from that vow when he ended up pregnant with me- from someone he chose to be with, because he loved her." I pushed my thumb across my eyes. "Even Praxis understood how unethical it would be to force someone into a marriage they didn't accept. I trust no one who thinks they know better than me when it comes to making choices for my own happiness, China."
China turned back to me, her brows high. "Fergus, it's not like that. Zodii marriages are a beautiful thing. You're the psychologist's son. Don't you study any kind of personality types at Wish Fixers? The Zodii do. They know what it means to be compatible. If we had studied ours, it would have saved us both a lot of grief, because then we would have understood from the start that a Fire and a Soil like us just don't work. There's no way."
The words hung in the air between us like rotting meat.
"Anyway," she went on, averting her eyes, "only the children of the nobles are betrothed at birth. Sort of like how you once wanted to betroth Sanderson to Emery's future daughter, or how all the Whimsifinados who came before you wanted to betroth their family members to one another, to keep your money, political beliefs, and absolute bullheadedness in your line. You escaped that fate on a technicality, with your dad's four siblings all dying childless and further extended family members all already married off."
"China," I began, but fell silent. Then I slit my eyes and tried again. "Zodiism teaches that there's no such thing as an afterlife, that actions have no consequences, that all disagreements can be chalked up to the year of your birth and the current day of the week. They insist that laws are not for everyone - impulsive and random self-expression instead of true self-actualization - and imply you have free reign to steal, to kill, disrupt society, and to make everybody's lives miserable. How can you be okay with that? Da Rules are what set we modern-day Fairies apart from what our ancestors were, back when we were wild tricksters luring starsailing travelers off course, tormenting settlers, and robbing caravans. Da Rules made us what we are. We owe our very existence as a society to them. Do you want the kids to grow up just breaking them as casually as you broke your selkie vow?"
"Don't talk to me about what's best for the kids, Drk. 'I'm Running a Business, Not Raising a Family'. Daoism is a closed system of personal beliefs, whereas Zodiism is open and provides healthy social connections. It's harmony and understanding; it's open-mindedness, sharing, and helping. That's what's best for the kids."
"China, I am this close to taking the first tram back to Novakiin and staying all weekend."
"Then go. Take Sanderson and Hawkins with you. But don't be surprised if Wilcox and I are halfway to the Water Temple next time you hear from us."
I whipped off my hat and shook it in her direction. "Don't you dare. Don't you even dare. He was baptized in the Faeheim shrine, and I won't have him set one foot in a Zodii place of worship."
She released another of those barking laughs that I hated. "Fergus, do you even know where the Water Temple is?"
"The Water Temple? Why should I care where the blitzing Water Temple is? My biggest concern right now is the fact that you seem to think it's better to raise the kids like anencephalic Anti-Fairies than like civilized members of Seelie society. They're already treated as pointy-hatted freaks beyond that door. Why make them fight an uphill battle by teaching them the beliefs of a culture that isn't really theirs?"
She reared back her head, her crimson eyes flashing like boiled chocolate. "The Zodii believe in reincarnation. When you die, that isn't the end. You can choose to make your return as a close relative born next in your zodiac year, if that position hasn't been taken by another ancestor already, or you can manifest yourself as an aspect of nature and continue giving to the universe. I think that's wonderful. I've prayed in Saturn's temple. I've found friends among Anti-Fairies. I've rekindled the love lost between me and my father. I've started painting star charts and divining. I've researched my family history to see who before me was born a Fire Year. I've even," she added with a rosy blush creeping over her cheeks, "started exploring casual relationships in a way I never have. You know. Benefits without strings attached. Easy come, easy go. And I enjoy it a lot. Consent on both sides. No one's ever forced."
"After accusing me for a millennium of being unfaithful- Forget this." I put up my hands and started for the front door. "I can't even talk to you right now. I'm sleeping in my office. And I'm not bringing Sanderson with me, so you can deal with him when his drone anxiety kicks in. When you've calmed down, send Wilcox to get me and I'll explain how Rhoswen syndrome is biological proof that three counterparts were never meant to suffer through life divided. Good night, China. If that's even your real identity, and I've been sleeping with the you I thought you were rather than some great-great-great-grandsire of yours who decided he hadn't had enough."
She tilted up her chin. "I prefer my beliefs to a fate of fighting for control over the same body with my counterparts for the rest of eternity."
I spun around right as I was about to place my hand on the doorknob. "Oh, that is not what it means to be Daoine. To be Daoine is to accept your birthright as Mother Nature and Father Time intended. To ascend into a state of purity instead of struggling through existence as some mortal, mutated, unnatural freak whose only purpose is to breed, die, and be forgotten. To be Daoine is to live in absolute intimate harmony forever with the only two beings in the universe who could possibly fill the void. Not as three minds, but as one. Rhoswen understood that."
"You don't need to explain Rhoswen syndrome to me." China placed her hands in front of her as though stuffing them in an old green and white checkered apron, fists clenched. "I heard you flirting with your counterpart when we took Wilcox and Longwood to be baptized. It should have been obvious from the beginning that you were asexual. Even if the kids weren't mothered during some physical betrayal, you were always cheating on me with yourself."
I crossed the room back towards her, heels snapping against fake glass tiles, my finger jabbing. "Don't you go there, woman. The Refracted being attracted to their counterparts is completely natural and acceptable. That's the Sunbeam reflex. And yes, I will openly admit that her biology was supposed to point her affection towards the other Unseelie counterpart, but can you blame her? Anti-Fergus is a tramwreck; it's not my fault she likes me more. The Dame Head and I have a kinship you couldn't begin to understand. She's accepted her fate. I've accepted mine, mutations and all. Why couldn't you accept yours as a selkie? It's your biology. It's your heritage. Embrace it. Is this any way to show respect to Mother Nature? Where's your loyalty? Where's your honor?"
China stepped back, her fingertips pressed to her chest. "If you and your Refract have so much lust for each other, then maybe you'd be better off sleeping with her instead of chasing me. It'll give you practice for when you're constantly rubbing shoulders anyway. If no one but your counterparts can fill the void and I'm not that important to you, who even needs marriage?"
My hand flew up to smack her cheek, but instead of following through, I turned around and buried my teeth in my sleeve. "I remember why we broke up. I can't stand to be in the same room as you unless we're sleeping together, and I swear the only reason I could get through those nights at all was because of your 'no talking once the clothes come off' rule. Two thousand and five hundred years later, I finally understand it."
"And I hope you understand why I burned my sealskin. I couldn't keep living with the fear that I'll wind up smack in the core of the Darkness if I should ever disobey a cruel husband, Fergus. It wasn't healthy and it wasn't right."
"China, a selkie without a coat is no more natural than a drone without a gyne. Or a fairy without his counterparts. Splitting out of Aos Sí form was unnatural for our ancestors. The only way to set the universe right again is returning to our united state, even if we call that form Daoine Sídhe nowadays. What comes apart must fit together again. Everything goes back to being exactly the way it's supposed to be. A place for everything and everything in its place. No one forgotten. No one less than anyone else. Equality is achieved. Do your research and you'll see for yourself that metamorphosis is the proper order of our life cycle. A cycle with an end that fades naturally into the beginning. The Seelie are insect people. Well." I glanced over my shoulder. "At least the pure of us are."
Her wings buzzed. Pale, generic, fin-like wings that had ended up on selkie backs after generations of mixed breeding- watered down and without a trace of true patron blood. "How can you not believe in change for the better through evolution?" she burst, throwing her arms in my direction, palms upturned. "You are literally the first of a new race in the universe. The founder of a new species entirely."
"Good dust, keep your voice down. This is getting out of hand. The kids will hear you. Not to mention it's a school night for Wilcox." I ran my fingers through my hair and cursed behind my teeth. "Sugarcream, that's different. I'm not wasting my time explaining this."
Rolling shrug. China settled on the balls of her feet. "It's no use trying to find a compromise- Dayfry's done a number on us both, and what's done is done. Why are we even arguing? I guess it doesn't matter anyway. In just 18,000 years, you'll get to find out whether there's an afterlife or not."
I opened my mouth, then shut it again. Opened it. Shut it. My wings bristled. I dropped my hand from my hair. "You were right. We're over, Mayfleet. For good. I'm taking the kids with me. If you won't meet my physical needs, I'll find someone else who will."
"Good luck," China said. She stepped out of my way. "I hope she makes you happy."
"Don't bother sending me your positive hippie vibes. My personal life is none of your business. And forget what I said about taking care of my pixies when I go dusty someday. I don't want you near any of them. They will be raised Daoist. That's final." I snatched up the two milkshakes, both of them still half full even if their contents had turned to liquid, and whirred towards the door.
"Hang on. Was the shake a thank you present, or a wooing gift? You weren't clear."
"You didn't want it either way," I said. I threw them both in the rosebush just outside before yanking the door shut behind me. Damsels. They're not worth it.
I bumped into Emery two streets over, and fumed to her as we walked around. She could have poofed us straight back to Pixie Village, but I appreciated her saying nothing of the sort, just listening, and letting me lead the way in circles as I marched in a grid pattern up and down the old roads that not too long ago, I had called my home.
"I wish you wouldn't have tried to get back together with her," she said as my spiel wound up.
"Hey, don't turn this back on me. She's the one who doesn't make sense. I don't get it. Indisputable proof that I hadn't been cheating on her, and she still turns up her nose at me. Emery, she's been sleeping around. And this after all our fights about how unfaithful I supposedly was. And then she goes on about Dayfry, the nature spirit of Love, as if all of this is his fault and she isn't to blame. To think she accused me of refusing to apologize. That's because I didn't have to. I never did anything wrong."
Emery put her hand on my arm. "Fergus, the two of you weren't compatible. You need to move on."
"Compatible. That's all anyone cares about. The two of us both had assets that could benefit the other. An architect in a growing village. We could have been great."
"Wait," Emery said. She paused until I glanced over at her, and then she combed her fingers through her hair. "China was going to up and leave her huge expensive dream house and move to the village with you? That was your big plan? If Dad's going back to Wish Fixers and I'm away at work, who's going to watch your pixies when you meet with Iris on Wednesday?"
I stopped walking. All I could do was stare at the ground. Then I flung both hands up near my ears and grabbed at empty air. "Ahhhhhh!"
Without waiting for Emery's response, I shoved my wings down and took flight. Not to go anywhere in particular. Not to seek anyone out. Just purely to get away. My wings couldn't take me high, at least not directly, so it was a scramble. But eventually I sprawled myself on my stomach, on the roof of some building I could have identified had my stressed lines not been fritzing in and out and clogging my brain. I lay there, physically panting through my mouth, until after a few minutes, Emery caught up with me again.
"Pretty high up here," she said, pulling in her wings and landing beside me.
"Not that high. I…" I raised my head, staring across the town, and dropped it back into my folded arms. "I can't get pinned between those buildings when I find myself getting frustrated. I do my best thinking when I have space. I can't be stuck. No. Emery, I can't believe I'm stuck. No wonder Ambrosine made the village so enticing. I'd better get used to it, because I can't ping away from it when I'm on magic ration and I can't just fly off either." I buzzed my wings for emphasis. "And even if I could, that doesn't solve the babysitting problem. I am absolutely stuck in the village for the rest of my life."
Emery fingered one of her earrings. "Soon you'll get your tram station. You'll be able to visit Faeheim. And from there you can go anywhere. Don't worry. You'll find a sitter, and you won't be stuck once the tram station is finished."
"Oh, smoof." I covered my eyes. "I'm going to have to entertain visitors. No, forget this. I can't do this."
We stayed that way for a bit, Emery sitting with her arms looped around her knees, me flat on my belly, gazing up at the stars. The streets were quiet below. My fingernails tightened into the shingles of the sloping roof.
"It'll be okay," she said.
"Emery, I am nearing the end of my lines. I mean it- I'm borderline to snapping. If one more thing sets me off in the next twenty-four hours, I'm going to totally lose it."
She sighed. "Just get through tomorrow. You'll probably be coronated tomorrow, right?"
"Smoof, I hope so. The sun isn't supposed to set on the Lia Fáil with a major seat of power empty." I scratched my chin. "Venus must not have submitted her paperwork to the Fairy Council yet. So technically, the pixie ambassador seat doesn't exist. I don't know how long it will take her. It could be tomorrow. Maybe a week."
"Well. We've got a few days before Wednesday rolls around. She'll probably get her papers in before you have to meet with Iris." Emery leaned forward and caught my eye. "When you get coronated, talk to the other race ambassadors about the situation. There are over thirty of them. Someone is bound to help you."
I snorted. "No one will want to drop everything and babysit nine pixies. Or eight, technically; I'll have either Keefe or Springs on me. Speaking of which, we need to get back. One of them needs my filtered magic. Uh." My eyes dropped to my wrists. I'd tied a piece of white string around my left hand. "It's Keefe. Keefe needs nursing this evening, and then Springs gets me all night. That's right. I had Keefe in my pouch when I woke up."
Emery nudged me with her elbow. "Make a friend."
"A friend?"
"At the Council of Ambassadors. I mean, you're going to be hanging around them for as long as you're Head Pixie, right? Go in with a smile. Be cheerful. Get on friendly terms. And maybe if you ask a favor, someone will step up."
"Mm…" I plucked at the string on my hand. "I suppose."
Emery poofed us back to Pixie Village after that. Ambrosine had Keefe and Springs in the bath, which gave me little to do but set my glasses on my nightstand, change out of my clothes, flip Keefe's nursing string to my other wrist so I'd remember Springs later tonight, and calculate the minutes ticking by. I sat on the floor of my room and leaned my head back against my bed. Each passing second rang in my brain like a stab. Tick. Tick. Tick.
Time passing me by. Time moving on. Time running out.
"18,000 years." I tugged my hat down until my cowlicks brushed my nose. "I don't have a clue how Venus thinks she's going to keep me alive until Sanderson comes of age. That cursed dame has too much faith in her precious SHAMPAX strips. I'm starting to think she said it only to make me feel better. Dealing with broken hearts isn't her thing, after all."
The thought clicked and held. I glanced up again. She'd certainly let me go easily for someone she expected to be dead in 18,000 years. What was her angle?
Still entertaining the possibilities, I got to my feet and settled myself on the end of my mattress. Then I sucked in my teeth. "The preservative goop." Both my hands went up. I chopped one of them against the other palm with every word as I stared at the door of my private washroom. "The goop her ancestors once used to keep specimens in. The goop we learned in upper school the Eroses legally can't place any creature into until he nears the end of his natural life. 'We'd take you when you were nearly dead anyway'- that's exactly what she said five hundred years ago. Yes. She wants me to think I have only 18,000 years. She wants me out and about beyond the walls of the Nest. She wants me to have my starpiece in my hand again. She wants me using my magic regularly, she wants me to experience the rough life of attempting to raise pixies without her, so I'll become desperate and willingly rush back to her for aid, and she can catch me and own me and study me once again. Yes."
No. It probably wasn't the real reason she'd let me go. Too many holes. Or maybe not. I folded my legs. Venus had told me herself the other day that Aphrodite Protocol only allowed her to keep me in the Nest for so long against my will; with my permission, I could have extended my imprisonment should I have wanted to. But I threw all my concentration into believing my pretty little lie about her plotting my immortality with the preservative goop anyway, because it kept my thoughts from straying back to China. Dust, they so desperately wanted to stray back to China. China this, China that- she became enrapturing for a moment there, unobtainable, untouchable, terrifying… a broken sprig that had fallen from the Whimsifinado tree.
But eventually, I shook my head. Venus knew she held a position of high authority. She had taken holy vows which prevented her from causing or even suggesting any course of action that would be drastically detrimental to a subject's physical health. As much as she may want to secure the future of my pixies, a certain glass ceiling barred her way. Venus Eros was a creature tasked to continue life in the universe. She could poke and play with her toys, she could experiment, she could manipulate, she could breed, but even she found herself beholden to a certain ethical code. The number one rule that even Aphrodite Protocol quailed against was that she could never endanger physical health. Broken limbs? Sure. Long-lasting health concerns? Off limits. Illegal for her to even voice the thought. I didn't know the precise legalities of how shooting Wilcox with inrita poison didn't qualify as serious endangerment, though I suppose she and her cherubs did manage to get him back to normal in a matter of weeks. So. Well.
"Could be 18,000 years, could be 180,000. I can't trust Venus's word precisely on how long I have left. Who knows what lies she'd tell me to urge me to willingly hand myself back to her. But, I suppose she's right. Whatever my fate, it would behoove me not to drain my magic too fast." With my arms still behind my head, I leaned back into my pillows and closed my eyes. "So it's a shame the Fairykind's rate of aging is tied to magic usage. So is our ability to bring nymphs into this world. A shame I'm caught in this deadly loop."
Beyond my door, across the landing to the bedroom on the opposite side of the stairs where Emery would be staying for who knew how long, I heard Ambrosine calling for Springs to bring his little naked behind back and stick it in his pajama bottoms. Hawkins had taken the softer approach, telling the nymph that he should be good about getting dressed like Keefe. In the manor foyer, Bayard had engaged Caudwell in a teasing fest for the sheer smoof of it, with Caudwell's whine lifting higher and cracking deeper every passing second. Madigan was struggling to run damage control between them. Longwood had likely staked his claim for the evening outside, where my pheromones weren't so strong. And Sanderson, I assumed, must be practicing his singing in the studio, blissfully unaware that I had returned home. I rested one hand on my pouch and sighed long and hard through my teeth.
"What a dazzled fate parthenogenetic reproduction is. Forming a nymph for three months is a constant drain. If only there were some way to completely stop myself from growing older. While still breathing, of course. Mm. If I could simply think up a way to slow down entropy and cut even more of my magic usage out of my daily life than what Venus said she'd allow me… I mean, it's not the way she intended them to be used, but I imagine I could slip just enough of her SHAMPAX strips into my diet whenever I'm pregnant to supplement the magic required to carry a nymph to term, and get by on that alone. No more magic drainage, no more aging, and clever strip supplements to keep myself from having stillborns. Oh, if only. Wouldn't that just be beautiful?"
I rubbed my sleeve across my eyes. Then stopped. My eyelids cracked open. My gaze slid down my arm.
I sat up. I turned my hand over, staring at my sharp knuckles- and, more importantly, the soft wrinkles of my palm. Thin curls of effervescence wafted up from my skin in the cold cloudland air. Untouched, unmarked, undamaged skin.
"Some way to cut out the constant flow of magic. Hmm…"
A/N: Text to Life - Some insects, namely worker bees, will clump around and smother their queen when she has outlived her usefulness until she overheats and dies. The "princess" gyne will take her place as queen instead. It's called balling the queen, or the cuddle death, and I'm convinced H.P. learned about it in school and never got over it. Bees also cuddle-kill invading wasps or foreign queens. Yeah, the guy's just not much for hugs.
Luckily, the cloudlands are a cold realm, so it's rare for Fairies to randomly overheat up there. Wearing a sweater won't kill you. But overheating remains a possibility if they can't cool off quickly. H.P. in particular, as pixies have significantly lower body temperature than Fairies, so he can't take as much heat as they can. While H.P. certainly isn't going to be cuddled to death in a backstory 'fic, I want to point out that he's going to start taking off his shirt(s) sometimes when he's at risk for overheating. Please remain in control of yourselves despite his stunningly well-written good looks.