CHAPTER 4

Capricious Heart

By: Aztec999

THE SILENCE THAT PASSED BETWEEN the two of you was deafening.

In front of you was Haru with that familiar casual gait and messy, tawny locks. His ecru eyes bored directly into your soul which made you catch your breath. Your pulse skyrocketed as he now stood right in front of you, a few centimeters away from your personal space. You can't seem to turn away, a strange feeling worming upon you that if you turn away he might be able to know how uneasy you felt with his proximity and presence.

"Oh, hey Katou-san." You greeted back and mustered up a casual smile towards his direction.

"I, uh, just wanted to ask you if you're busy right now…?" One of his hands had reached at the back of his neck and rubbed it sheepishly, his eyes started glancing down on the floor. "What I mean is there's a near hot pot a few blocks away from our office and I thought you might like it and—."

"Hold on a second. Are you asking me out on a date?" You cut him off and stared owlishly at him.

"W-what? Of course not!" Haru denied vehemently. 'Damn. I fucking suck at this.' He winced internally while keeping a straight face.

"Then what are you doing…?" You couldn't keep the bewilderment out of your voice since he just popped out of nowhere and asked you if you want to eat somewhere with him. What's that supposed to mean?

Haru sighed deeply, ruffling his hair in slight frustration and embarrassment. "Look, can we just talk? I don't know how to word it precisely but I need to speak with you on something important."

It made you gripped the strap of your bag tightly, not wanting to have this kind of conversation with him because you have an inkling on what might it be but at the same time, you lack the energy to reject his request upon seeing his struggling face and demeanor. "Uh sure. Lead the way Inspector." You tried to give him a playful salute, putting an effort to ease the tension that's been building between the two of you. He cracked a small smile at your light gesture.

You both walked in silence after that, both of you are seemingly engrossed in your own line of thoughts until you reached his car and he opened the door for you. You muttered some quiet thanks and got inside the front passenger seat. He got into the car afterwards, revved up the engine and drove off.

You're still both quiet inside the car, as if both of your tongues were tied up tightly and the unspoken words couldn't get out. You tried to busy yourself by observing the skyscrapers that the car passed by, even if you felt his eyes glancing at you in a subtle manner. Dusk was falling rapidly around the city, enveloping the surroundings in midnight hues of dirty purple and burned wood. Your line of sight had followed through the looming shadows of the buildings that chased down the small figures of people running around the bustling city.

You don't know whether you should be thankful or not for Haru's silence since you knew beforehand that he wasn't this taciturn unlike his partner who only speaks when spoken to. Nevertheless, you thought that if he tried to spark a conversation between the two of you, it would somewhat feel forced since it would only fill in the gaps of silence and nothingness.

The drive to the nearest hot pot lasted only for a few minutes even though it seemed forever to you. Haru turned off the engine after parking at an available slot and got off, opening the door of the car for you before you could even touch the handle to open it.

You blinked a few times, the chivalrous gesture wasn't lost on you although it's rare to see it in the modern era that they live in. "Ah, thank you." It came out as more natural and sincere, a smile of genuine gratefulness inching across your lips.

Your natural smile wasn't lost on Haru and he tried not to gape, mustering up to look more casual and easygoing. He noticed earlier on how you seemed reticent and tense throughout the ride hence seeing you more natural and a bit relax, loosened up his frayed nerves and returned your smile more easily.

"Sure thing." He motioned for you to follow him inside, the word On-Yasai was located at the top middle of the small building. A modern but homey interior greeted your senses once you entered inside with Haru, the waitress directing both of you at one of the available seats.

A menu was situated on the table and you picked it up, reading the available food to order.

"So, you always eat here? It's one of the most famous Shabu Shabu here in this place." You commented as you browsed through the menu.

"Yeah it is. Their Shabu Shabu is one of the best kind here in Tokyo. But I don't eat here often. Just on special occasions. Or it'll broke my budget." Haru answered simply.

'And what kind of special occasion is this?' You thought inwardly to yourself, not voicing out your unasked question in order not to shatter this fragile peace between the two of you. "I see." You replied shortly as you continued skimming over the contents of the menu, trying your very best to appear casual and cool.

"You should try the Rice Cake Shabu Shabu and the Power Udon Noodles. It's one of their best closing items." Haru suggested.

"Hmm? Really? Then I guess I'll add it with a strawberry cheese tart then."

"So, you have a sweet tooth then." He noted idly.

"Apparently." You smiled lightly at him.

The brief exchange of words soon turned into a small conversation after calling on the waiter to place your orders. It started out with a light discussion of your works to something more casual like hobbies and basic relevant information about yourselves. You found out that Haru was a good conversationalist, keeping up with you even if discussing about mundane topics of your lives. Sometimes he can be opinionated at other topics that he seemed passionate about like the society, justice and police force in general.

Throughout your conversation with him, you were convincing yourself that this was not a date. At all.

THE NIGHT WAS GETTING DEEPER, seconds are ticking by, the water you're drinking will not last long, and you both need to address and discussed the elephant in the room like mature adults.

"(l/n)-san—."

"Katou-san—."

You both inadvertently stopped talking, a sheepish laughter escaping your lips as you glanced down at the table. "You first." You uttered those words in an awkward manner.

"No. That's fine. Ladies first. If you got something on your mind, then feel free to tell me." Haru replied in a bungling manner as well.

You took a deep breath and braced yourself. "Look Katou-san— If this is about— what happened last week after the party— last night— I c-can reassure you that I won't let it affect— our professional relationship." You stumbled over your words as you can feel your cheeks heating up in embarrassment. You inwardly cursed yourself as you failed to deliver your point in a more calm and straightforward manner and instead ending up like an idiotic mess. You sounded like an artless and simple-minded teenager in front of your crush which disgusted and recoiled—

Your mind halted midway through your thoughts. No way. There was no way that you had developed a crush towards Haru just because of a one, drunken mistake of hooking up with him right?

"(l/n)-san. I'm sorry." Haru's quiet voice cut through your swirling thoughts and internal panic.

"What?" You found yourself voicing out your first thought, looking at him pure bewilderment and wide eyes.

Haru looked at you with steady, unwavering gaze. "I know that this might be uncomfortable for the both of us but letting it go and not doing anything doesn't seem right either. So, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for that night since I've crossed the line of our professional and working relationship."

You quietly listened and absorbed Haru's declaration and apology, mulling over it. Should you feel insulted by the whole incident? Or just accept it as it is? If you look at it in a superficial level, it might have seemed that his apology for that one night mistake with you was a low blow to your ego since it appeared like a terrible mistake to slept with you that night. Nevertheless, if you dug deeper into it, you'll realized that Haru's tight moral conduct and conscience couldn't leave the matter be as a trivial event between the two of you and wanted to make things right in his own way. You couldn't help the soft chuckle that slipped past your lips which made Haru befuddled at your reaction.

"W-what's funny?" He stammered, blinking a few times.

"Oh Katou-san. You make it sound like you're the only one who made the mistake and I'm the one who's aggravated." You shook your head slightly. "I'm an adult as well, regardless if I was drunk and what we did was a hook up mistake, I'm into it as well as much as you do. What I mean is I'm not really a blushing, aggravated maiden whose virginity was taken away by force. We both know what we did. So... there." You kept a straight face to get your point across with and tried not to blush deeply at your own words, silently congratulating yourself for doing so.

Haru looked at you in silence before letting out a slight laughter, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "Sorry… if it came out like that. I didn't mean to… What I'm trying to say is—."

You held up your hand and cut off his stumbling words. "Katou-san it's fine really. And if you're also worried that I might get pregnant, don't sweat it since I'm also taking pills. I mean I have before since it helps with the hormone balance and stuff like with not getting too many acne. So, don't feel obligated or guilty towards me okay?" You replied in a frank voice.

Haru seemed at a loss for words because of your bluntness that he could only stared at you in complete silence. He seemed utterly surprised at the way you're handling things right now. The conundrum that he was in earlier with you seemed to dissipate into mere nothingness. The possible scenarios of terrible awkwardness and mortification with each other dissolved by your display of sheer grace of acceptance and casual lax integration to the unexpected change of your own reality within yourself. A mixture of thoughts and emotions ran through him because of this unexpected development and made him looked at you in a different light.

"You're more straightforward and nonchalant about this." He stated after finding his voice.

"I'm just practical and realistic I guess." You shrugged. "It's not like we're in a relationship or something so we don't have to griped over this matter." You didn't tell him that your heart was not in accord to what you're saying since the past few days of not seeing him was like a parched mountaineer in the middle of the dessert and finally seeing an oasis in the middle of a wasteland when he graced you with his mere presence today. You have your pride and dignity to take care of and didn't want to look like a desperate chance passenger in the matters of your own capricious heart and love.

Maybe it was your imagination but for a fleeting second you saw something in his eyes then it was gone in a blink of an eye. Haru was back to his usual casual and light demeanor when he wasn't annoyed or moody which is mostly towards his partner, Daisuke, or any of his team members in the MCPTF.

"Then can we be friends?" He extended his hand to you which made you stare at for a few seconds of contemplation. You resisted the urge to laugh at the irony of the situation. Who knew that in one-night stands can form a normal friendship?

Before you could even think further of your actions, you acted out of reflex and accepted his hand, gently shaking them. "Of course, Katou-san. I'll be glad to." The warmth of his palm enveloping yours sent a fizzle of swirling, orange froth akin to the warm rays of the sun in the middle of the Spring around your senses.

You can already sense your mind berating you harshly, that you're making another mistake as you dug a deeper a grave for yourself. But you chose to silence them for the meantime and enjoyed the given opportunity of being with Haru just for today even if this would probably create a havoc and contradiction towards your peaceful but mundane way of life.