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Chapter 18

Reflection

'What just happened..?' was the question that ran through Byakuya's head.

The full moon was high in the sky, casting an eerie glow. At the manor for the first time in decades, Byakuya sat in his room in a daze as he tried to come to grips with the recent events with a face riddled with turbulence.

After Miyako's hasty departure, later that night while sealed away in his bedroom, the head of the Kuchiki clan didn't know what to do. Laid out on his futon, he didn't bother to change his clothes when he returned. The scene kept replaying in his mind. He couldn't help himself; he felt like he was in a trance and under Miyako's spell. She looked so happy and cheerful when she opened her gift, full of pure joy. She was so full of that bliss that he instantly desired to know how it would taste on his lips. Although he wasn't fond of sweets, he realized that he could kiss Miyako forever; her soft and plush lips reminded him of sweet honey nectar.

Before his mind could go any deeper into the enticing abyss that was Miyako, he forced himself to stop. Thinking back to what had happened, Miyako didn't seem too interested in returning his feelings. She quickly made her leave soon after receiving the gift that he had thought up with care and consideration. He cringed; did he make her uncomfortable? Maybe he came on too strong?

Byakuya frowned; he felt like an idiot for thinking that she would just receive his feelings. Miyako was never the type of person to accept things as they were, especially right away. He felt like they were closer than he thought; the rejection hurt more than he liked to admit. Indignant, he decided to take a walk to clear his mind.

Minutes later, Byakuya found himself at the memorial shrine that he often visited not too long ago. Slate eyes laid upon the memorial of his late wife. The amount of remorse that he felt was immense. Byakuya's head hung low and he clenched his fists.

"Hisana...I apologize...I was a fool for acting upon my impulsive feelings. Worst off, I betrayed you, our marriage and your memory...especially on the eve of your death..."

In this private moment, a lone tear ran down his cheek. Saying that this was difficult was an understatement. He hadn't cried since her death.

He stood in silence for a moment before making his final decision, but not before he cursed under his breath as he stared into Hisana's portrait.

"From now on, my loyalty is only to you."

The next morning, Byakuya, back to his cold hearted self, woke up and prepared for the day. Although Rukia accompanied him at breakfast, he remained silent and focused on the task at hand before leaving for work. Once again, everything was familiar and back to 'normal'. He was determined to make this day go as smoothly as possible…hopefully.

Byakuya arrived on time and got right to business. As everyone gathered to listen to his morning announcements, he was inwardly relieved that he didn't lock eyes with Miyako; but it was still awkward nonetheless that she was in the crowd. He could feel her eyes on him. He was relieved that his years of training his face to be as unreadable as a textbook in the darkness had paid off again, but it could only work for so long. He knew Miyako and her wonderful communication habits - he would be locking eyes with her very soon.

The end of the day came quicker than a shooting star. Byakuya was quick to dismiss everyone and retreat to his office.

Byakuya became tense when he was interrupted by a knock on his door; he knew who was on the other side. He wasn't ready to face her, but he knew that he couldn't run anymore. He took a deep breath before he readied himself. "Come in."

He was greeted with a small, worried smile on Miyako's face. "Pardon my intrusion Bya—I mean, Captain Kuchiki."

Byakuya readied himself to talk and turned to see her; although it hurt more than he'd like to admit. He gave her his default stare as she closed the door, not saying a word. This time the night before, they were locked in a sensual kiss; now it was an awkward encounter.

"What are you doing here?" he asked more coldly than he intended. Seeing the look on her face, he changed his tone. "I mean, are you in need of assistance with something?"

Miyako took a moment to speak. "I was hoping to discuss something with you. Is that alright?"

An awkward silence fell upon them. Byakuya didn't want to hear what she had to say, but he had to remain calm although he knew that there was a rejection with his name on it. Pushing back his negative emotions, he nodded and waited for her to speak. After a moment, he nodded, giving her a little relief. Watching her crumble her robe in her hands, his heart started to beat faster. He knew that she was gearing up to politely deal him a heavy blow.

With a heavy sigh, she began to speak.

"I know after last night, you must be very upset with me and I don't blame you if you are...but I'm asking that you listen to what I have to say before saying anything."

He continued to stare at her, prepared to listen, although he knew what her response would be.

'Just reject me already…'

"I know that I ended the kiss abruptly...and I apologize. I can see how my actions could make you think that it was unwanted."

Byakuya's eyes widened; he grew nervous as she started to close the gap between them.

"What are you doing?" he asked tensely.

Ignoring his question, she proceeded.

"Byakuya...I didn't think that it was possible for you to have feelings for me, because I knew how you felt about me all these years. But the truth is that...you kissing me was what I've always wanted for so long…what I desired for so long..."

"...what?" he asked, dumbfounded once more.

'Is this really happening?'

His defenses started to crumble; now she was even closer. Blushing bashfully, Miyako finally closed the gap between them and they were quick to look into each other's eyes. He waited with baited breath for her to continue.

"Byakuya...I kept my feelings hidden for so long, it was very difficult to do so, and with that incredible kiss you gave me, I can't do it any longer…"

Byakuya gasped as Miyako cupped his slender face with her hands. Caught in her gaze, he couldn't protest her actions.

"I'm in love with you," she confessed with a small, sweet smile. "And I always have been."

Shocked at her confession, he parted his lips as he tried to compute her words.

'She loves me…?'

Oh how he never thought he would hear such genuine words from a woman. Sure, he knew that he had quite the group of admirers. He knew that they only wanted him for the prestige, bragging rights and financial assets. Her words rolled off her plush lips like liquid gold - priceless. Soon, Miyako was in control when she locked her lips with his. The cold darkness was becoming lighter. He could taste that familiar honey nectar from her embrace, growing his desire to consume her; he had to have more. He started off by his hands claiming territory of her small waist. Byakuya found out quickly that wasn't enough to satisfy him, causing him to pin her supple body to the wall. There was no way she was going to leave him again; he wasn't finished with her.

Showering her with various kisses, he took great pride in showing her what he could give her. What was a dark, cold day ended up being bright and hot; his heart felt warmer than it had been in decades.

Byakuya almost lost his senses until Hisana popped into his head.

'Hisana…'

The wife that he had just promised to stay loyal to ghastly image had looked at him sadly. What happened to the promise that he had made her last night? Was her memory of little importance to him now that Miyako was back in the picture? Was he making a mockery of his marriage? Feeling guilty, Byakuya abruptly separated himself from Miyako, surprising her. He had turned away from her.

"Byakuya? What's wrong?"

Guilt crashing down, he gritted his teeth.

"...I can't do this…" he uttered.

He tried to remain stoic when he heard her gasp - no doubt that her heart was beginning to break.

"Byakuya…" she choked. She tried to reach out for him. He could feel her hand getting closer. He wanted to feel her warmth, but he couldn't allow it, so he had to continue quickly.

"I can't do this…" he repeated again, causing her hand to pause midway.

"...why not? I know that it might be inappropriate now because I'm interning with you, but…"

'That's the least of our problems right now…' he thought.

"Not now, not ever!" he said coldly.

'You have to go away, Miyako!'

"Why not?" her cracked voice asked.

He quickly turned to her with darkness in his eyes, sending shivers down her spine.

'I apologize but...I made a promise…'

"Because I have a wife!" he shouted.

'I'm a married man...I violated that bond…Miyako...she's not...'

"And you are not Hisana! You'll never be Hisana!"

'Hisana is the only woman for me…'

It didn't take a rocket scientist to see that Miyako was dumbfounded by his words. It pained him to see the tears in her eyes. Deep down, he wanted to take back what he said...

"But why? I-I mean...you kissed me...and...the things you had said to me...and gave me that lovely gift...I...don't understand!" she replied with tears. "Please don't do this to me…"

...But he couldn't go back on his word - not again. He had to push her away, this was the only way to make things right with Hisana.

"Are you dense, woman?! I obviously made a mistake last night and now; I got caught up in the moment. It never should've happened! I'm in love with Hisana and that's never going to change! Not even for you!"

The temperature was rising in the room.

"So you're telling me that after everything we've been through, you'd throw it all away for her?! For someone who's no longer here and will NEVER come back?!"

Her words struck a heavy chord within him. Yes, Hisana was gone forever, but she would never understand how he felt. His marriage was near and dear to him and she just insulted it.

"DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK ILL OF HISANA! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL ABOUT HISANA!"

"AND YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL ABOUT ALL OF THIS!" she screamed with fury.

"YOU ASSHOLE! I HATE YOU!" she screamed before running out of his office.

Left all by his lonesome, he watched as her fleeting form disappeared from his view. He'd never seen her so distraught. In that moment, his heart had filled with anguish - he had gone too far. Cursing under his breath, he started to search for her.

It didn't take long for Byakuya to find Miyako. He was aghast when he saw the tattered field, even more so when he saw that Miyako had pinned her fellow classmate to the ground. Miyako's hand was high above her head with her shikai in hand - it was clear that she was going to kill Rika. Determined to get to the bottom of the problem between the two women, he quickly unsheathed his zanpakuto.

"Scatter, Senbonzakura!"

He was relieved when Miyako dodged his attack.

"What is the matter with you two?! Fighting each other like mindless hollows?!" he screamed before focusing his scowl at Miyako. "You were going to kill your own comrade?"

Miyako's glare didn't falter; in fact, it grew stronger as he scolded her.

"So what if I was?" she replied coldly, sending a shiver down his spine. "My life would be more peaceful if she was out of it!"

Dark, raging words were exchanged, and it seemed like the distance between them was growing rapidly by the second. He had to reach out to her, make her listen to reason, but he didn't know what to say.

Byakuya watched as Miyako tried to prevent herself from sobbing. All he and Miyako could do was exchange glances with one another; both filled with pain and confusion. The silence was uncomfortable. He could only manage to ask her one question.

"...are you planning to fight me now?"

Her turbulent eyes killed him as she bore into him. Miyako sealed Unabara before turning her back at him - something that he realized that she picked up from him. It was like looking into a mirror and it sent a shiver up his spine as he got a taste of his own medicine.

"Stay away from me, Kuchiki." she commanded with an icy tone. "And you," she continued as she cut her eyes to Rika. "You're lucky that he stopped me. Stay away from me too, or you won't live to see another day."

Before they could reply, Miyako disappeared. Byakuya pursed his lips and clenched his fists, his back to Rika. After cutting into her, she hastily left him all by his lonesome in the tattered field. Darkness started to creep in his heart again.

'How the hell am I going to rectify this?'