Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy or anything surrounding it (but I do own this plot :D)

RPOV

…trying to heal Belikov in the state she is in now would drain her completely - she could go beyond sanity's threshold and not come back.

Adrian's words cursed me throughout my slumber, or indeed what was left of it. I woke, and they were still echoing strongly, haunting me like a ghost (no pun intended). Indeed, it would forever be my curse, that never-ending struggle between the two loves in my life: Lissa and Dimitri. I Would have done anything for either of them without a second's consideration. Yet, and in spite of my resolve, I could not let Lissa push herself over the edge just for the chance of Dimitri's sight returning. It was not a risk I was willing to take.

And so, I did the best I could: attempted to subtly dissuade Lissa from driving herself out of sanity's realm whilst simultaneously trying to pull Dimitri up from the pit he had descended into.

You know, the usual.

And, as it turned out, neither party was being particularly cooperative.

"He's not here." It was more a statement than a question and I didn't even need to see Killian's response. I sighed, dumped my bag down on the ground and marched immediately back out. As much as I knew this was difficult for him, Dimitri was not doing himself any favours by holding himself captive in his own room and blowing off our training sessions. The first couple of times, I had let it slide - fair enough, really. But it was getting a little ridiculous now.

I thumped against the door like a hacking woodpecker to a tree. "Come on: open up!" I said. No reply. I sighed and leaned closer to the door, gently knocking against the surface. "Please, Dimitri. Let me in."

At this, I heard movement. I stepped back a little from the door and it opened. Dimitri stood before me dressed in tracksuit bottoms and a tee, looking a little dishevelled, but it made me smile all the same.

"Rose," he said, his voice thick and heavy whilst his unfocused eyes searched for where I stood.

"What's this I hear about you missing practice?" I said, trying to add as much levity to the situation as possible.

His expression was unreadable, but the turn of his head told me he didn't want to talk about this. "I'm not feeling well. Please leave me alone for now."

"Yeah, not likely," I said, pushing my way in.

I heard him sigh. "Rose…"

"Dimitri, this is not helping you," I said, standing in the middle of his room; memories of a particular moment flooding into my head, making my job of getting him out of here a little more challenging.

"Nothing can help me."

"Oh, that is rubbish and you know it," I said, crossing my arms over my chest. He sighed again and shut the door, feeling it close and turning when it did. "Hiding in here is not doing you any good."

"You don't understand..."

"Then help me to," I said. "Dimitri, I ran back for you because I could not bear to be without you: I am more than willing to sit and listen."

A small smile ghosted across his features but was suppressed beneath an expression of guilt. "I do not deserve you."

I smirked, refusing to allow him to dwell on the matter. "Well, you've got me so deal with it."

He shook his head a little and stepped forward, feeling the wall around him as he tried to move. I stepped forward and took his hands in mine, volunteering my services in this matter.

He scoffed. "I cannot even walk through my own room…"

"Hey," I said. "Could you ride a bike the first time without practice?" I saw his mouth twitch up and I groaned. "Of course. Well, this is nothing like riding a bike."

He chuckled a little and whilst it may not have been his full-fledged laugh, it was certainly a step in the right direction. I led him back towards his bed and I felt the hesitancy in his movements as we got closer. "Rose…" he warned.

I smiled. "See, you do know your room," I said. "And don't worry: it's just I don't like your chairs."

He shook his head but let me sit him down anyway. I settled myself next to him. A frown crossed his features. "You are not just going to sit there?"

I grinned. "We've got two hours before everyone else wakes up: it's either this or we go down to the gym."

Dimitri closed his eyes. "Rose, I meant what I said before: I do not want to talk about this."

"That's okay," I said, trying to be as patient as I could. "We can just chill." And with that, I placed my legs on his lap and extended back so that I lay down.

I saw him open his eyes and frown in my general direction. "Comfortable?" he asked.

I smiled. "Yup. So much better than your stupid chairs."

He shook his head and sighed. "Oh, Roza."

I think we both realised what he had said at the same time as we both stopped breathing at the same time. He closed his mouth and swallowed as if embarrassed by the act, whilst I just couldn't help the grin that spread across my face. For days I had been trying to talk to him, pushing him just enough to open up, but respecting his space when he asked to be alone. It was painful just as much as it was frustrating, but I knew it was necessary: I could not force him to heal or force him back to me, he had to choose to want to.

And he had just called me Roza.

For the first time since he had first woken up, he had called me Roza. I had forgotten how much I loved it; how much I loved how it sounded under his accent that no amount of imagination could do justice.

I sat up and brought myself closer to him, waiting for the scolding that never came. Instead, he sat still and allowed me to brush my lips against his cheek, more a skim than a kiss. His eyes closed and he leaned into me, keeping my kiss close such that I tasted the salt of his grief as it fell from his tear duct.

"I am undone." He said.

Apparently, he did want to talk about this.

I shook my head, before remembering that he could not see it. "No, you're not."

He sighed. "They are not going to let me keep my guardianship."

"You don't know that."

"Don't I? I'm not sure how many blind guardians you've seen wandering about, but I'm quite convinced that they don't exist."

"Then you'll be the first," I said.

He sighed, but there was a smile that toyed on his lips. "I marvel at your optimism."

I chuckled. "Well, at least you are not moping."

He frowned a little. "I am not moping."

I grinned, deciding to tease him a little. "Brooding. Sulking. Pining away."

He scowled in my general direction. "You are very lucky that I love you the way I do..."

It was said as a playful threat, but I took the compliment. "I know," I said, just as a dark thought resurfaced. "I thought you wouldn't…" I whispered like a confession before I could properly think through the consequences.

At this, his frown returned and concern filled his countenance. "What do you mean?"

"When I found out when you found out, I should say. I thought you'd shut me out completely." Hurt flashed through his features, but he was quick to quell it. It didn't stop me from apologising though. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have thought-"

"No, I just…" he trailed off a little. "How could you believe I'd do that?"

"Trauma changes a person," I said, thinking back to the crash how different I was after, how different Lissa was, and just how quickly that change had happened. I shuddered at my own contemplation. "No one ever comes out how they went in: things tend to get put into perspective in a rather horrible way." I laughed, but there was no humour in it. "And then there's the classic 'love fades' whi-"

"Mine hasn't." Dimitri's response took me a little by surprise, so much so that I jolted my head up to look at him from where it had bowed in shame. "And it will never. You are etched on my heart, Rose. Please, never doubt that." He said, his lost eyes searching for mine once again.

I nodded, then remembered. "I won't." And I sealed my admission with a kiss, this time against his lips. He, without the benefit of his sight, seemed a little surprised at first, but settled into very quickly, matching my motion with perfect reflection, as though as a mirror. He was my equal and my all and I revelled in his touch against mine: the hands that tentatively skimmed up the sides of my arms, trekking their way to cup my cheeks and pull me closer. "Rose." He whispered, pulling away a little.

I grinned widely and lazily but sighed. "Yeah, I know," I said. "Stupid moral conduct." He raised an eyebrow and I could not help but smile at how Dimitri-like it was. Even amidst this all, there were some things that trauma could not claim. "So, does this mean you are coming down…?" I decided to press the reason why I had come here before it vacated my mind entirely.

His expression turned contemplative and, no matter how much he may deny it, brooding. "I do not know."

I smiled softly and scooted closer. "It'll be good to at least make a start. It'll just be me and Killian."

He shook his head, smiling as he did. "Killian?"

I frowned. Dimitri definitely knew who Killian was, even if he didn't before, so his comment had me rather perplexed. "Yeah, you know: Killian." I wasn't sure how to make it any clearer.

He smiled again. "I think you mean Guardian O'Hara." he corrected. Ah. I tutted and rolled my eyes only to his further amusement. "Will no one command your respect?"

"Hey, if people didn't want others using their first names, they wouldn't have them." I countered, shoving him slightly. "Besides, forced babysitting does not respect provoke." I declared.

He chuckled. "You are taking this all surprisingly well."

I narrowed my eyes. "And what, Guardian Belikov, is that supposed to mean?"

He turned his head towards my voice. "It means, Miss Hathaway, that I was there for and stood witness to the infamous Field Experience Tantrum..."

I groaned and leaned back. "Oh, it was not a tantrum! You are misrepresenting facts there, comrade." I said, and, to my delight, he laughed: fully and richly. I decided to make full use of it. "Right, since you're finding this so funny, I shall leave then," I said, pushing myself off his bed and towards the door. I made a point of opening the door as loudly as possible as I saw him follow my movements with his lost vision. "You coming?" I asked, feigning confidence.

He paused, offering a small smile. "Tomorrow."

I drew a breath and nodded. "I'll hold you to that," I warned playfully.

He nodded. "I would expect nothing else."

My day passed a little more quickly after that. I went back to retrieve Killian from where I had just sort of left him in the gym. I was a little surprised that he did not follow me, but at the same time was not given his forgiving character. In any sense, he seemed quite content when I finally returned to see him sprawled on a mat, headphones in and eyes shut. Yet even in this placement, he was still alert enough to open his eyes and jump up when I got within a ten-metre radius.

It wasn't until lunchtime that anything notable happened. Even without the lingering vestige of the Strigoi attack, the usual structure and order of the Academy was fracturing a little. For dhampirs, the Qualifying Exams were fast approaching and resulting in anything else being shoved to one side. This, naturally, acted in direct opposition to the strict and calculated regime Headmaster Lazar seemed intent on imposing. He was so devoted to his cause that he even came down and out of his office above to mingle and meander among the peasantry in what he called 'Walkthroughs' wherein he, rather literally, walked through lessons to make sure we were all on topic and studying hard.

If you asked me, there was something very totalitarian about that…

But I, of course, was not going to let Big Brother bully me into any form of submission, so sought to carry on as I always had...well, along with finals. Oh, and Dimitri...and Killian...and ghosts...and Lissa.

"Rose." I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound of my own name, mere metres away from the cafeteria entrance. Even Killian, with all his ninja skills, was taken a little aback and reached for his stake.

"Shit." I cursed, a little involuntarily.

Adrian was not deterred and swung in front of me, gripping his hand around my arm. "What are you doing?" he said, deadpan and serious.

His tone was so unlike him, yet still held that quality that managed to piss me off a little. "First, get your hand off me," I said, shaking my captive arm free. He let go, but the fire that burned in his eyes remained ignited and strong. "Second, what are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I am talking about." Adrian retorted.

I scowled. "I think not."

"Lissa." He said.

"What about her?"

"Come on: don't tell me you don't know she is still practising healing to sort out bloody Belikov."

And behold: the second uncooperative party.

I groaned. "She's what!?"

At this, even Killian stepped forward. "What's going on, Rose?"

But Adrian wasn't having it. "Oi, back off, Guinness." He snapped before turning back to me. "I thought I warned you what this could do to her."

I could feel the anger boiling within me, and I knew it wasn't darkness. "What, and you thought I'd just forget or ignore something as important as that!? Bullshit. She is my best friend, Adrian. Of course, I told her to stop." I said, now matching his fire.

Adrian tensed his jaw and collapsed against the stone wall, closing his eyes. "She isn't listening."

I grabbed a chunk of my loose hair and ran my hand through it. "Not to us. Have you spoken to Christian?"

He scoffed. "Yeah, he wants to speak to me."

"Oh, for the love of-" I cut myself off. "Just bury the hatchet and get on with it," I said, really not in the mood to be dealing with any more drama. "If not for you, then for the rest of us. Including Lissa."

He sighed, reaching into his inside pocket and pulled out his cigarettes.

"Don't even think about it, mate." Killian, still a little miffed about being cast aside by Adrian's comment, warned glaring a little.

Adrian scowled but complied. After a moment, he seemed to calm down. "I'm sorry, little dhampir. I am just worried for our dear friend."

I nodded. "You are right though: we do need to talk to her. But you know Lissa: once she's got something, she will hold onto it as if her life depended on it."

A wide grin spread across his face. "Well, we'll just have to persuade her…" he said, wriggling his eyebrows.

I narrowed my eyes. "Not funny," I said, but somewhat glad his devil-may-care persona had returned so quickly.

"Adrian!" a new voice joined the party. I turned to see Avery weave through the lunchtime crowd and towards us. She was dressed in a simple jeans and tee combo with her hair down, but there was an underlying sense of effort in her outfit that made the casualness seem forced. "Oi, hi Rose. I didn't see you there." She said, smiling towards me.

I nodded. "Uh-huh," I said, not believing her for a second.

Whether it was my response or Avery's general presence, Adrian's mood perked considerably, and his amusement grew. I hadn't seen him drinking for a while now and was convinced he was in withdrawal with the level of mood swings he would undergo. "Why, good afternoon, little Lazar," he said.

She glared towards him playfully. "I still don't like the name."

At this, I could agree. "You and me both."

Adrian looked over at me, feigning offence. "Little dhampir, I am hurt."

"Good."

He gave me a wink and returned to Avery. "How are you doing, my dear? I heard about what happened to Reed." I saw Avery's eyes widen a little, whether as a result of her brother's actions or the fact Adrian had called her his 'dear' was impossible to tell; this girl was a swirling cauldron of ambiguity when she wanted.

She gave a big sigh. "Yeah, I'm doing okay. He's fine too," she said. I didn't know the full story, but I honestly didn't know if I wanted to. According to rumour, Reed had apparently lost it during his politics class and went on a punching rampage, which ended pretty quickly when Miss Tate was knocked to the ground unconscious. I was convinced that it had been exaggerated a little, but Reed was in some sort of isolation and had been for a few days, so the gossip was still high. In actuality, I think that it was only getting as much exposure as it was due to the somewhat desperate atmosphere following the Strigoi attack: people were desperate for some meaningless frivolity to stop them from despairing over the more deadly and depressive aspects of our existence. Even Avery seemed a little drained over it all but hid the pain well. "I was actually thinking of hosting a little gathering in my dorm tonight. It'll just be the gang, you know. Rose, you can come too, if you can ditch the bodyguard." she said, giving Killian a flirtatious wink to tell him she was fooling around a little.

He wasn't amused.

Avery wasn't deterred but didn't wait for my reply. "So, what'd you say, Ivashkov? Ready to really have some fun?"

Adrian smiled. "You know what, yeah. It'll be good to cut loose for a bit."

Avery grinned. "Great. Come over at seven-ish, or before, if you like…" she said with another wink.

Adrian smirked. "Perhaps I will…" he said, leaning towards her a little. I raised my eyebrows, catching his eye. He grinned a shrugged a little, looking back towards Avery. "Can I persuade you with a bit of lunch?"

Avery, having seen the shared look between Adrian and me, made a point of stepping closer to him. "You can persuade me with anything…"

Bloody hell. I thought as I watched them walk off.

"My sentiments exactly," Killian muttered and I realised I had spoken aloud.

"I mean, she may as well have given him a lap dance," I said.

"Rose." Killian chastised, with a little glare, but I knew he was thinking the same thing.

I huffed a little before stepping back into the main body of the school. "I need to go find Lissa," I said as Killian silently, but a little dazedly followed.

"Is something wrong?" He asked, genuinely concerned.

"I'm not sure yet," I said, not elaborating any further. I tapped into the bond, trying to reach Lissa's head. She was in the attic, but Christian was nowhere to be seen. Instead, she was refilling through old books under the dim light of a candle, surrounded by the shadows of the night; the moon's light only barely skimmed over the stained-glass window, creating a ghostly image on the floor. I snapped back into my own body and powered towards the church.

I found her in that exact position ten minutes later. She didn't even look up when my booted feet clobbered up the small, stone staircase and onto the creaky wooden floorboards. "Liss?" I actually had to say, but even that did not break her study.

"Hey, Rose," she said, not looking up from the volume in front of her.

I frowned and stepped forward. I had left Killian in the main hall of the church and the murmuring of voices told me that he had engaged Father Andrew in conversation. "You okay?" I said, trying again to peel her away from the book.

Again, no change. "Yeah, just studying." that last word was separated out into its syllables as something in the text caught her eye and she moved to look at one of the other open books.

I cast a glance over the text. It read: Complex Theology of Supernatural Occurrences in the Vampiric Realm. "I thought it was Jane Eyre you were reading?" I attempted a joke.

No response.

I acted: leaning over and snapping the book shut.

"Hey, what are you doing!?"

"Lissa," I said.

She looked up at me, a little pissed. "What?"

"What are you doing?" I asked.

She continued to look pissed. "Trying to help save your mentor," she said, reopening the book I shut.

I shut it again. "By driving yourself insane?"

She scoffed. "I am not driving myself insane. Look at me: I am fine," she said pointing to her body.

I stared at her pointedly. "Lissa, it's the middle of the day, you are supposed to be in a lesson in fifteen minutes and not supposed to be reading up on…" I cast my eyes over one of the books. "... fifteenth-century witchcraft documentation!? Jesus Christ, Liss." I said.

She glared at me and snatched the text. "You asked for this."

"I also asked you to stop."

"Yeah, because you don't think I am strong enough."

I shot her a look of my own. "That is not what I said. Adrian-"

"Adrian doesn't control me." she snapped. "Nor does he know everything there is to know about this. I can do this. I can heal Guardian Belikov and I can do so much more."

As she spoke, I could feel the gentle boil of darkness bubble within me, trickling through my body like blood from a wound. "Lissa, you need to stop: this is not good for you."

She laughed. "Oh, and you know what's best for me?"

The darkness boiled. "I think I might have some expertise," I growled, pointing to my temple.

Bad move. She glared at me, harder than before. "That does not mean you know me, Rose Hathaway," she said, a sinister anger bleeding through her tone. The darkness bubbled more.

I swallowed it down. "You're right, I'm sorry," I said, trying to calm the growing fire. "But you don't need all the stuff: you have me and Lehigh, not to mention Christian."

At this, I could feel a slight guilt within her. She sighed and I felt the darkness quell as she did. "I know, I know - but I can do this, Rose."

I felt myself calm considerably as she did. "I don't doubt it, but you do not need to. You've been using your magic a lot lately; it might be a good idea to slow down a bit. Dimitri can wait."

She sighed again. "How is he doing?"

"Great." I lied. "He's really coming along."

She eyed me sceptically. "Really?"

"Really," I affirmed.

"Liar," she said, shaking her head and leaning back on the chair.

I chuckled. "He's coming along tomorrow. He promised and he is a man of his word." I said.

She smiled a little. "I don't know how I missed it," she said.

"Missed what?" I asked, perching myself on top of the table and on top of a book. I saw Lissa grimace slightly, but she didn't comment.

"You have feelings for him," she said. "We used to joke about it, but I don't think I ever made the connection."

I sighed. "Yeah."

"I'm still not happy you didn't tell me," she said, shooting me a little glare.

"Liss, it is illegal."

"Only if you act on it." she pointed out.

I didn't comment but looked away guiltily.

She widened her eyes. "You didn't…"

"Plausible deniability," I said quickly.

She frowned. "What?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, it was something Killian said about keeping my mouth shut."

Her eyes widened again. "You told Killian but not me!?"

"In my defence," I said as she continued to look appalled. "He asked me directly."

"Oh, that makes all the difference," she muttered sarcastically, once again shooting me a glare.

"Sarcasm? I think Christian is rubbing off on you there." I said, wishing quite badly to change the subject matter. "Where is Sparky anyway?"

Lissa looked down at her hands. "We had a bit of an argument…"

"Over books?" I said, looking down at the table in front of her.

"No," she said with a scowl before the guilt resurfaced. "Over Adrian…"

I groaned. "Seriously!" I said, burying my face into my palms before sitting back up again. "You know, it's probably not helping that you keep going to him for this stuff," I said pointing at the books.

She shot me a slight glare. "Maybe not, but Adrian does have a little more experience with this 'stuff'."

"I am not denying that," I said, "just maybe talk to Christian about it before you do go see Adrian. He's a teenage boy, Lissa: they get jealous, especially around guys like Adrian."

She shook her head. "I don't see what is so wrong with Adrian."

"He is single and more than willing to mingle," I said flatly.

She rolled her eyes. "Well, Christian still shouldn't be so worried. Besides, I am not the one who is interested in Adrian…" she said, raising her eyebrow.

I mirrored her look, raising both of my own. "Indeed. Miss Lazar seems very interested in the drunken wonder."

Lissa laughed. "Sorry, the 'drunken wonder'?"

I shrugged. "It's one of the nicer ones I have for him."

She rolled her eyes. "Are you going to Avery's gathering tonight?"

I considered it for a bit. "Don't know yet. You?"

She smiled a little. "You know, I am. I am up for a little levity and I like hanging out with Avery."

I scrunched up my face. "Really?"

"Yes, Rose," she said pointedly. "She is a lovely girl. I really don't think you are giving her a chance."

"Hey, I am just naturally suspicious," I said, raising my hands.

"Mhmm," she said, rising to her feet and picking her coat off the chair behind her. "I should probably head off to lesson."

I smiled, rising to my feet. "I can clear this up if you like?"

She shook her head, "You don't have to do that. I am the only one who comes up here and Father Andrew lets me leave my stuff around: he doesn't mind."

I shook my head back at her. "No, no: I insist. It's not like I have anything better to do right now."

"You don't have a lesson?"

"Nope."

"Liar."

I grinned. "Think what you will."

She shook her head. "Alright, I'll see you later. Maybe?" she said.

I smiled. "Yeah, catch you later," I said, running my hand over the spine of a book: An Essay Concerning Elysium - A World Beyond?

"Oh, and Rose," I lifted my head to see Lissa poke her head back through the attic's door. Her expression was determined, and I could feel the underlying current of darkness rumbling beneath as she vowed: "I will heal Guardian Belikov."