I want you to know

I'm a mirrorball

I can change everything about me to fit in

~ Taylor Swift, mirrorball

AGE 20

"So?" I asked Lawrence the moment the last word was said on the screen. We were in a tiny little production room. There was a table full of equipment in front of where we lounged on a soft leather couch. Nearly the entire wall across from us was a screen.

"You wrote that? The music, the script?"

"Peter helped with the music. A lot. And there were a lot of edits made to the original script–"

"But, you wrote it."

I shrugged, feeling my cheeks heat up. "Yeah."

The past few months… they were all a blur. A mess of panic and uncertainty and anger that had been manifested into music that somehow transformed into a film in my mind that I couldn't let go of.

It had been a gamble to accept Lawrence's offer four years ago, to pick up my life and film a movie in Georgia. Every move I made in my career had the opportunity to ruin me, but none more so than this one.

Up until news broke that I dropped out of the Clash series, I had been America's Sweetheart. I was quirky and likable and sweet. An image that would be absolutely demolished with the release of Welcome to the Badlands.

Because it was real. It was the story of life in Hollywood and Jacob Black royally fucking me over. As much of those stories I wanted to tell, with plenty of creative license took, but it was as much of myself as I could share. As much as I thought people could understand and still, maybe, tolerate me.

I had never been so confident, though. Never felt so sure that I was doing what I needed to be doing.

Still, I wanted with bated breath as Lawrence watched. My time on the set of Tainted was over, but Lawrence would always be a friend, a mentor. Even if he wasn't always the one directing me behind the camera. He was someone whose opinion mattered; to me, and to the industry.

If he said it was shit, it was shit. And I wasn't sure what I would do if that happened.

"It's… phenomenal, Bella. Truly."

I blinked. "Really?"

Lawrence scoffed. "Really. It's… you. Which sounds stupid, because you wrote the entire thing, but your… energy. Your passion and self are felt throughout the whole thing. I'm– I'm very proud of you, Bella."

A heavy blush flooded my cheeks. It wasn't something I would admit out loud, but I had craved Lawrence's approval since I was sixteen and I wasn't sure what I would have done if he hadn't liked this project. I told myself I just wanted his professional opinion, but it was more than that.

Sometimes he felt more like a father than my actual father. I saw him more, he checked in on me more, it seemed like he cared about me more than Charlie ever did.

"Thank you."

A/N: In case I never mentioned it before, Welcome to the Badlands is obviously based on Halsey's album Badlands. Sometimes those things are just obvious to me because I listened to that album on repeat before writing HK (still do if we're being honest) but I suddenly realized I might not have ever mentioned it? Anyway. See you tomorrow!