CHAPTER 10

One eye broken and one eye bruised

'Cause I gave myself away for you

You liar, you don't love me too

It's easy for you after all

~ Halsey, Easier than Lying

BPOV

"So?"

I scanned the faces of the women sitting with me at the table. Three of the only people I trusted outside of my family. Through every bump in my life and career they never left me. I was in jail for a year and not one of them ever decided I was more trouble than I was worth.

Kate was the one who booked me into rehab when I was eighteen, the one who made sure I got out before my parents and Lawrence could try and trap me in a conservatorship. Heidi always tried her hardest to fight back against schedules she knew would be too much for me, never pushed me to do anything she knew I was uncomfortable with. Claire had it the worst out of all of them, because being my publicist was no easy job.

But they never left. They often gave me the looks I was getting now, mixtures of shock and confusion and impending stress, but they never left.

"So?" Heidi asked, wide bewildered eyes staring at me. "That's… three years of work, Bella. Bare minimum."

I shook my head. I didn't have three years. "I was thinking six months. We could push it to eight if we needed to."

"Eight–" Heidi gasped. "I know you like to push boundaries but I don't think it's possible."

"You said the same thing about Welcome to the Badlands, Heidi," Kate sighed. "I think it's brilliant. And exactly why I brought these." Kate grabbed her bag and dumped out dozens of old phones and cameras and memory cards.

I appreciated her support, but I joined Heidi and Claire in their confused glances at the gadgets. "Thank… you?"

Kate playfully rolled her eyes. "I always had this… feeling. That I needed to document what you were doing. That it was important. So, I did. You're welcome."

I stared at the table, now apparently full of documentation of my life and career. I knew Kate always had a phone or camera in her hand, had smiled at her as she called my name and told me to a hundred different times as we worked together. I suppose I just never realized how often it happened. Never knew it was more than a couple girls taking fun pictures and videos together.

"That helps," Heidi said, still obviously struggling with the timeline. "But you're talking about filming, editing, and releasing a feature film and a documentary in eight months. While simultaneously recording and releasing two albums to go with them."

I nodded. "Yes."

"And then," Heidi continued. "You've somehow already booked yourself twelve nights at the new Chicago stadium that they've agreed to speed up building just for you to open it up. Then you'd like me to book you a stadium tour for the documentary album. In a matter of months."

"Yes, that sounds right," I told her, going over my own list in front of me. "Well, and the show in LA for the film album. Something… special. I haven't decided on the details yet."

Heidi shook her head, exasperated already. "I need a drink."

"Bar is fully stocked," Edward said as he sauntered in, winking in Heidi's direction as she hurried over to get herself a drink. Kate and Claire followed. "Sorry to interrupt," he continued, sitting beside me and grabbing a memory stick from Kate's pile and twisting it between his fingers. "I just wanted to let you know I'd be late tonight."

I frowned. "Late or late late?"

Late meant a reasonable hour before I went to bed but not before dinner. Late late meant he was walking through the door at four in the morning. It didn't bother me either way, I just liked to know which kind of late it was.

"Late," he smiled. "Alice guilted me into some benefit dinner. I don't really know what it's for, I stopped paying attention when she started whining about it, but I'll be out as quickly as possible."

I stared at him, frozen as I processed what he said. Benefits, charity functions, they were a common occurrence in our family. "You're going to a benefit?"

Edward nodded, unfazed.

Functions were common. Edward going without me, when I was in town, wasn't. "Without me?"

He cocked his head to the side and dropped the memory stick. "I didn't think you'd want to go. You haven't really been out since…"

"Since I was booed off stage and publicly humiliated on national television," I finished for him. I pressed my lips together, fighting off the echo of boos that sometimes still rang in my ears. "I want to go."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," I nodded. "You should probably try to find out what it's for before we get there, though."

Edward shrugged the idea off with a wave of his fingers. He leaned in, lips brushing against my cheek. "I'll pick you up at seven."

"You're out of scotch," Heidi sighed, taking her seat back at the table with a crystal glass filled to the brim.

Edward eyed her and then the glass, a smirk tugging at his lips. "I see your meeting is going well. What are all of these, by the way?"

"Snippets of Bella's entire life," Kate said happily as she sat down.

A full, genuine smile grew on his face. "Don't watch them without me."

–Love|Power–

I had gotten ready for enough benefits in my time to be able to do it on a whim. Thankfully, because Edward's text in the afternoon that simply said the benefit was for books was entirely unhelpful. By ten til I was nearly ready; dressed in a navy silk slip of a dress with my hair curled, half of it pinned back perfectly in place and delicate black heels that wrapped around my ankle in a bow on my feet. I was standing in the closet, staring at the display of my jewelry options when Edward walked in loosening his tie.

"I'm almost ready," I said absentmindedly, still focused on the diamonds in front of me. Until I made the mistake of glancing up to watch my husband start undressing. I knew he was probably changing for some unseamly stain that had gotten on him from whatever debauchery he had gotten into since he left earlier, but that knowledge did nothing to lessen the attraction.

Only enhanced it, really.

Because the years had been very good to my husband. He was still made of soft skin and hard muscles. Still had a jawline that distracted me if I looked at it for too long and the ability to turn my mind to complete mush as soon as he walked into a room.

He knew it, too. Because once he saw my attention on him his lips pulled up at the corner and he slowed himself down as he got dressed in a fresh suit. Or my vision turned it into slow motion.

Either way he knew what he was doing.

I was still gaping at him with two different necklaces dangling in my hands when he walked over. He leaned his head on my shoulder and looked at the display of jewelry. He sighed, his breath blowing over my neck and sending a shiver down my spine.

"I like this one," he said, pointing to a necklace I hadn't worn in years. One he had gifted me to wear to the Oscars the night reputation won. It was a platinum snake covered in glittering diamonds that wrapped around my neck.

It was completely over the top and ostentatious to wear to a benefit for books but I gave him a nod and he carefully fastened it around my neck. While also making a mental note to schedule a tattoo appointment as I envisioned the ink I knew was hidden underneath my husband's shirt.

The trip to the lavish hotel where the benefit was being held took longer than it should have, given the armada of security that now followed me wherever I went. I didn't say a word about it, even as I could tell Edward was waiting for it.

The benefit was delightfully boring. And about funding public libraries, which made more sense than simply books. No one brought up me or my public humiliation, though I knew they wouldn't. Not with Edward glaring at anyone who got remotely close to the subject.

I watched Alice and Rosalie glide around the room, smiling and greeting everybody by name. Introducing people and then pointing them in the direction of where they could make a donation.

That was supposed to be me. Or Edward's wife. He was supposed to have married a sweet stay-at-home mob wife who would put on events like this and make his life simple. Not one who only added to his already stressful life.

"I was never very good at the whole wife thing," I blurted out when Edward showed back up at my side, a fresh flute of champagne in his hand for me. "The mob wife thing," I clarified. I liked to think I had the wife thing down.

"And what do you think the mob wife thing is?"

I shrugged. "Alice and Rose. Staying home, raising kids, planning functions, making you dinner every night. You were probably supposed to end up with a docile little wife who knew how to cook at the very least and you ended up with me."

I was not docile. I could not cook to save my life. Having one child nearly killed me, literally.

"You think that's what I wanted?"

I shrugged.

"Because that sounds… fucking awful to me." My eyes shot up to his face as he stared down at me. "I don't give a shit about the cooking or functions. And I don't know if we could have handled another kid after Aiden. The most essential thing a man like me needs in a wife is loyalty and you, Isabella, have more than proven it."

I took a sip of my champagne. It was a silly thought to have, I supposed. After a few decades of marriage it was probably stupid to let the what-ifs float through my mind, but it still happened from time to time. Mostly because sometimes it was still a little amazing to me, that the man beside me was mine.

"If I didn't have you…" Edward shook his head, twirling the scotch in his hand and staring out at the crowd. "If I didn't have you I would have ended up married eventually, probably mostly just to get my parents off my back. I never would have stayed loyal to her, never would have been a good husband or father to any children we had. The minute I sat next to you at that benefit you changed absolutely everything about me."

Before I could do anything, tell him I loved him or that I felt the same or drag him out of the boring benefit, a woman approached us. She was probably a good ten years older than Edward and I, her hair fully gray but slicked back beautifully. She was in a simple, black dress and had a kind smile on her face as she approached us.

"Mrs. Cullen," she greeted, holding her hand out to me. "I was hoping you'd be here tonight."

Shaking her hand, I gave her a smile. "Hello."

The woman gave Edward a small smile in greeting, but kept her attention on me. An unusual tactic at these kinds of events. Because most people saw me as arm candy whenever Edward was around, only coming over to talk to him. I didn't mind, I spent enough time at my own events being hounded by people and saw the change of pace relaxing.

"I'm Angelina Harris, Provost at Northwestern. We've been trying to get in touch with your team but they seem… busy. We'd like to award you with an honorary doctorate of fine arts from Northwestern this spring, and were hoping you would be willing to give the commencement address at the ceremony as well."

I must have stood there blinking at the woman for a few moments longer than was polite because I felt a firm hand squeeze my waist to get my attention.

"Me?" I gasped.

She had to have it wrong. Because no one in their right mind would think I should give a commencement address and no institution in the country would want to be seen supporting me at the moment.

"Of course," Angelina smiled patiently.

My attention drifted over to my husband, eying him for a moment before he shook his head. An answer to my unspoken question of whether he was paying for this honorary doctorate.

"You've had a remarkable career, Mrs. Cullen," Angelina continued. "One you built from the ground up in an industry full of men who have tried to take credit for it. You've brought two incredibly successful businesses to the Chicago area and you and your husband fund half of the philanthropic endeavors of the city."

"I just–I never went to college," I blurted out. Obviously.

"That's where the honorary part comes in," she said patiently. "You can think about it and get back to me, but we'd love to have you."

"Okay," I nodded. "Thank you." It was only once I was sure she was out of earshot that I turned to Edward. "Are you sure you didn't–"

He shook his head. "I had nothing to do with it."

I frowned to myself. My lack of a higher education had always made me feel a little bad. Less than everyone else. Because I had barely scrounged up my high school diploma after I started working. And for a long time I assumed it meant I was the stupidest one in every room I was in, because all of the people behind the fancy desks that I dealt with always had pretty diplomas hanging on the walls.

I could cry on command though, so there was that.

Edward's voice broke through my concentration. "You deserve it." My frown deepened. He kept going. "Your experience far outweighs any course or exam, Bella. You deserve it."

A smile tugged at my lips. Honorary doctorate. It was on my mind for the rest of the night. True to Edward's earlier word, we didn't stay at the benefit longer than was necessary. It was still relatively early when we were in an elevator, heading down to the parking garage where our armada of cars and security were waiting for us.

I felt Edward stiffen as soon as the elevator door opened. His steps were careful and slow as we headed toward the waiting car. We only got a few steps out of the elevator before the first deafening boom.

My ears were ringing and while I knew there were subsequent blasts–explosions?– I had no idea how many. All I knew was there was a firm hand against the back of my head, keeping me carefully protected against a warm chest with my back to a concrete wall. My hands clutched at his suit jacket, eyes squeezed shut.

The ringing in my ears was still loud and clear when I was gently pulled away from my safe little cocoon. My eyes blurred for a moment after I pried them open. Edward was staring down at me, his lips moving but the ringing in my ears too loud for me to hear him.

His hand came up to my cheek, grabbing it firmly and forcing my attention to stay on him. Eventually, his repeated question finally broke through the ringing. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, unsure if my voice would actually come out.

Edward wrapped an arm around my waist, not-so-gently pushing me to get me moving toward the waiting car. I panicked for a minute, once I was inside with the door securely closed behind me, thinking he was sending me off while he stayed in the smoky garage. Then I watched him walk around the car through the windows, saw his mouth moving as he shouted to a few of the men surrounding us before he got in on the opposite side.

The car ride was quiet. Well, loud with the throbbing ringing still echoing in my ears, but we didn't talk. My body was frozen, hands gripping the edge of the leather seat as I stared blankly ahead.

I didn't even realize it when the car stopped, only aware that we were home when my door opened and Edward pried my fingers away from the seat.

"It's okay," he said gently, his voice finally making its way through the haze in my ears.

I followed him inside quickly. A shiver went up my spine as the door slammed shut behind us. It was only when I crossed my arms for some semblance of warmth that I realized I had a suit coat around my shoulders.

"What happened?" I asked. I might have shouted it. I couldn't tell if my ears were working right yet or not.

I saw Alistair hovering in the corner, but ignored him as Edward led me into the family room. His hands were firm around my waist and it was only when I practically collapsed into the couch that I realized why.

I had been in my fair share of life or death situations. Done some pretty fucking stupid things in my life to put myself in them.

Explosions were new, though. Something I evidently didn't handle well.

"It was just O'Malley throwing a tantrum," Edward said softly. "No one was hurt."

I let out a breath, but it was shaky and uneven.

"He's pissed no one is after you anymore. He's an overgrown child who blows shit up when he's angry. It wasn't meant to hurt anyone, he just wanted to scare you."

I tried to force myself to breathe, convince myself that he didn't get what he wanted. Tried to reassure myself that I wasn't scared. It was a difficult process until warm fingers tilted my chin up and forced my eyes to meet a pair of bright, emerald ones.

"You're safe. I promise."

"I know," I gasped. Because for all of the shit Edward and I had been through together, he had never once had to literally throw his body on top of mine to protect me. I knew he would, but he'd never actually had to do it until tonight.

Somehow knowing where my mind was, his thumb brushed over my bottom lip. "You know I'd do anything for you."

"I know," I whispered through a tight throat.

Edward kept a firm grasp on me as we made our way to our bedroom. He seemed completely unfazed by the literal explosion we walked into an hour ago, but I knew he wasn't as calm as he appeared to be. He wouldn't be scared, didn't have the same shock and panic running through his veins that I did. His would be pure, undiluted anger. A rage he would save up for the next time he saw O'Malley.

That wrath was nowhere to be found as his hands glided over my body in the shower, washing away the hectic evening. There was nothing but love in every brush of his lips against my skin. The only tell he gave away was how tightly his arms wrapped around me as we fell into bed.

–Love|Power–

The next morning Lawrence released another clip from his documentary. Footage of the breakdown that sent me to rehab the next day. I watched it, sitting between Heidi and Kate as we were all huddled over the same table we worked at for hours the day before.

Then I watched it again.

And again.

The severity of my time in Hollywood clicked into place as I saw how unhealthily skinny I was. As I watched Lawrence exchange glances with Duncan Zane I lost that tiny scrap of loyalty I had left to the man I thought had been my friend since I was seventeen. As I watched the fake smile easily spread across my face as I got out of the car to the flashing cameras, I knew there was no going back.

"Announce it," I told Claire.

"Which thing?" she asked, looking a bit like a deer in headlights.

"All of it," I said, standing up from my chair, too fast for any of them not to realize I was furious. "I want them to know what's coming."

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this one! See you next time :)