Chapter 4: Stop Bugging Me!

Everybody gangsta until da roaches start flyin'.

-Hawaiian Proverb

"Remind me again why we're doing this? They didn't even offer to pay us!" Kazuma complained, holding his torch up above his head to try to see into the darkness of the mine around them. All he saw were a few broken wooden crates and some rusted equipment scattered around. Nothing valuable enough to loot, that was for sure.

"Because we're heroes, and it's our job to save people," Uraraka snapped, glaring at Kazuma. Then she blushed and looked away. "And, um also, she did pay me. But that's not the point! I thought you were supposed to be some sort of demi-god bigshot hero! "

"I AM a big-time Adventurer, and a demi-god, thank you very much," Kazuma replied, rolling his eyes. "Which is why it's a bit beneith me to go hunting a bunch of low level monsters in some stupid starter town dungeon!"

"Oh, Kazuma, Kazuma!" Darkness gasped, suddenly stopping and caressing herself.

"That's my name," Kazuma agreed, thinking, here we go again.

"Do you think this world has male orcs?" Darkness asked eagerly, starting to breath hard. "Vicious, vile, reprehensible male orcs, the kind that would kidnap hapless female Adventurers and submit them to all sorts of depraved acts?!"

Something scampered in the darkness towards Kazuma, but he sensed it coming; it was just a bug. He lifted his boot and squashed it quickly as Uraraka let out an "eep" at seeing the creepy crawly.

"I don't know, Darkness, but I absolutely forbid you from doing something perverted. Remember, YOU volunteered for this. You have to keep Uraraka, and me, safe. Besides, this is just supposed to be a bunch of bugs."

Uraraka sent another evil look Kazuma's way. He gave it, at best, a 2 out of 5 on the death glare scale. Aqua could do much better on her worst day. "I can keep myself safe, thank you very much!"

"Sure thing, just remember that if the going gets tough, I'm activating Lurk and getting the hell out of here," Kazuma warned. "The only one I give a shit about is Darkness, and she ENJOYS it when I abandon her."

"Oh, truely, you are a vile, wicked man!" Darkness panted, her cheeks flushed as she grinned widely. "I can't want for some monsters to attack us, so that you may pretend to sneak away, only to return with a brilliant plan and save us, just when the monster has finished beating me and covering me in slime and other vile substances!"

Uraraka gave Tokoyami a flat look. "I think both our bonuses are bogus."

"Oh, I don't know. The comedic value alone is worth the price of admission," Tokoyami chuckled.

Dark Shadow nodded. "Yeah, they're funny!'

"But be warned, Kazutrash," Tokoyami said. "In this environment, should all the lights go out, Dark Shadow shall run wild. In that case, I implore you: take the others and flee, least the shadows consume them."

Kazuma eyed Uraraka, expecting her to lecture Tokoyami that she didn't need help, only for her to look concerned. "Will you be, you know, OK in here? Dark Shadow's already getting bigger…"

That was true, despite the fact that they were all carrying bright torches, the further into the depths of the mine they went, the larger and more fierce looking Dark Shadow became.

"Fear not, for now, I can control him. Should it become too much for me, I shall warn you," Tokoyami promised. "There, Dark Shadow!'

Another large bug on the ceiling, which Dark Shadow eagerly snapped up. Could that thing eat? Kazuma shrugged. He really didn't care that much.

"I'm sensing more bugs that way," Kazuma said, pointing down a passage to their right. "Ugh. Extermination. Wish we just had a can of RAID or something."

Baroness Von Galen had been content to let Kazuma laze around for a few days, mooching off of her at her manor. She'd even been training Darkness and Uraraka in using the sword, apparently being some sort of expert. Apparently, in this world, nobles were not just a bunch of useless high society types, but actually earned their titles by keeping towns and villages safe. Van Galen claimed she was fairly pitiful by noble standards, and it was true that the one time they had fought Kazuma had easily beaten her with his skills, though her sword work was pretty decent.

After a few days of training though, reports had come in that one of the old mines had been infested with monster bugs. Sensing an opportunity to ditch her freeloader, Von Galen had informed Kazuma that she wasn't just going to take his word he was a hero, he was going to have to prove it to her.

Darkness had of course eagerly agreed to investigate a dark cave with terrifying bug monsters, and Tokoyami and Uraraka had seemed to believe it was their duty or something to help people. Well, that, and Tokoyami had given some sort of monologue about "testing his limits" and "restraining his demon." Seriously, all his dumb shadow did most of the time was crack wise. It wasn't that scary.

"I shall take the lead," Darkness declared. "As a crusader, it is my duty to shield my allies!"

"Right! I'll be right behind you," Uraraka promised, her sword in one hand, torch in the other. Apparently she had some weird power where she could make things float, but if she wanted to be the cannon fodder Kazuma wasn't going to argue with her.

It wasn't long before a mass of cockroaches sprang out of the shadows at Darkness, who shrieked in mixed disgust and delight. "Oh, what filthy creatures! Kazuma, Kazmua! They're crawling all over me!"

True to form, Darkness was swinging her sword about, causing it to bounce off of the rock of the mine shaft. To Kazuma's surprise, she actually managed to hit a couple of the rat-sized bugs, but most of them avoided her overly enthusiastic blows and crawled up on Darkness to bite at her.

"Darkness! Hang on!" Uraraka cried, using her shorter sword much more effectively in the close quarters, and using her torch to burn a few of them. She managed to keep herself free of the bugs, but was too busy to help the overwhelmed crusader.

"Darkness! No! But if I unleash my demon now, it could overwhelm me, and even harm my own companion!" Tokoyami cried.

"Yeah, she'd probably enjoy that," Kazuma sighed. He took out a handful of flour from his pouch that he'd grabbed from the manor, and pushed past Tokoyami. "Uraraka, duck! Gust!"

Kazuma flung the flour into the air, and the wind caused it to scatter and blow. Then he raised his hand and shouted, "Kindle!"

The widely scattered flour particles exploded in a bright flash around Darkness, frying some of the cockroaches and stunning the rest. Then it was easy enough for Kazuma to use Chunchunmaru to stab the remaining ones with Uraraka's assistance as Darkness panted contentedly on the ground. He looked back at Tokoyami, frowning. "Aren't' you going to help?"

Tokoyami looked dazed, and Dark Shadow was cowering behind him. "Too bright!" the shadow bird moaned.

"Yeah, whatever," Kazuma said, rolling his eyes. "Get up already Darkness, enough goofing off!"

"Kazuma!" Uraraka snapped, glaring at him. "You could have hurt her! That fire could have burned her to a crisp!"

"Oh, it did!" Darkness giggled as she got to her feet, hugging herself and flushing. "Ohhh, I needed that! Even those undead are not as rough as Kazuma is! Truely, he is a wicked, wicked man…"

"Yeah, see you hurt…" Uraraka trailed off, her eyes going wide as she stared at Darkness, who was moaning softly.

Kazuma leaned in to Uraraka, a lecherous grin on his face. "Oh, did I forget to tell you? Yeah, she totally gets off on that. Congratulations: you picked the world's perviest crusader as your bonus."

Uraraka's eye darted back and forth between Kazuma and Darkness, her forehead wrinkling in consternation. "Are you both...what the heck kind of weird heroes are you?"

"Only the kind that defeats the Devil King, saves the world, oh, and are so celebrated they get made into demi-gods in the divine realm," Kazuma said, buffing his fingernails on his leather armor then admiring them.

"And the kind that love to face vicious monsters!" Darkness declared, raising her sword and motioning deeper into the mine. "Come, Kazuma! Those cockroaches were decent, but I need a big, tough monster to truly satisfy me! Something that will manhandle me, not just crawl all over me!"

'Yeah, sure, fine," Kazuma agreed. "Lead the way, Sir Pervert." He stepped forward, patting Darkness affectionately on the shoulder. "Good to be back in action with you, buddy. If I had to get sent on another stupid quest, I'm glad it was you."

Darkness returned the smile. "Yes, I am glad you are with this useless knight once more, Kazuma. Even though I was eager to adventure once more, I was going to miss you and the others. I do hope Megumin is not too jealous of me..."

"Eh, that jailbait can wait her turn," Kazuma said with a shrug.

"Kazuma, she is hardly jailbait now," Darkness laughed as they moved off again. "She is several hundred years old now, just like the rest of us."

"What?!" Kazuma gasped. "That can't be right! How long were we in the divine realm? I mean, I did have time to beat every H-Game I've ever wanted, and we got to max level with top tier gear in about a dozen MMOs, and...oh."

"Yes, time passes differently in the divine realm," Darkness agreed. "But I kept track. After all, unlike the rest of you, my body is my greatest assent, and I needed to train every day to maintain it, even in the divine realm. Do you not recall the thousands of souls we judged?"

"I guess," Kazuma admitted.

"Do we seriously have a NEET and a pervert in our party?" Uraraka groaned. "I thought this was going to be fun and exciting, like those old games I used to play with my dad…"

"Ha! I knew it!" Kazuma laughed, spinning to point an accusing finger at Uraraka. "You're an otaku! I bet you're a closet NEET, just like me!"

"Hardly," Tokoyami said dryly, Dark Shadow still hovering behind him as if to hide from Kazuma. "We were both enrolled at UA Academy, Japan's premier school for heroes."

"Don't lie! You're both wearing track suits! I bet you were in a guild or something, and died going to get an advanced copy of an MMO!" Kazuma taunted. "He might be strong, but you don't have any cool powers! You're just a normal girl!"

Uraraka gave him a flat look, then suddenly smiled sweetly at him. "Oh, you're so right Kazuma, clearly, Tokoyami and I are just like you!"

Kazuma leered at Uraraka "Ha! See, I-"

Then she slapped him, full across the face. He jerked back, and got ready to pound her right back. After all, he believed in gender equality, which meant that he had no problem stomping a girl. He'd let her get away with the sucker punch earlier because he had, after all, accidentally stolen her panties, so he'd started it. This time though, there would be retribution!

"Ok, that's it missy, face the wrath of-woah!" Kazuma stepped forward, only for the motion to send him flying into the ceiling. He let out a squeal when he cracked his head on the rock, then flailed his arms in panic as he bounced off and headed straight for the floor.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Darkness! HEEEEEEELLLLPPPP!" Kazuma wailed as he smacked repeatedly into the walls.

"Kazuma! Don't worry, I'll-"

"Release!"

Gravity suddenly reasserted its hold on Kazuma, and he fell flat on his ass, yelping in pain as a rock bit into his tail bone. He sniffed, rubbing away tears as Darkness hovered over him, fussing at his bruises. For once, Kazuma sort of missed having Aqua around. Actually, he was really starting to think she might have been a valuable member of his Adventuring party after all. Maybe if she had been there, they wouldn't have failed.

"Still think my quirk is useless?" Uraraka demanded, glaring down at Kazuma as Tokoyami sniggered in the background. "Or do you need another demonstration?"

"You know, I'm a man who believes in gender equality," Kazuma growled as Darkness helped him up. "Which means, I don't have any issue throwing down on someone, just because they're a cute girl! And if they don't show their elders some respect, it might just get a little bit drafty in here for them!"

"I can fight without my panties," Uraraka informed Kazuma, raising her sword menacingly. "Can you? Because I'd carve yours right off your hide."

"Meep." Kazuma quickly lowered his hand, putting it behind his back.

Uraraka nodded, turning around. "Right. Now, we're finding the source of these bugs, and saving the village! No more stupid games!"

"Huh," Kazuma mused as he and Darkness trailed behind Uraraka and Tokoyami.

"What is it? Do you sense more foes?" Darkness asked, looking around eagerly.

"Yeah, there's more skittering around us, but I was more thinking that it's kinda weird, seeing things from the other side," Kazuma observed.

"What do you mean?" Darkness asked, confused.

"Well, I mean, I always thought of myself as the only sane and competent one in our party. Don't get me wrong, you girls were useful, and I learned to appreciate you and all, but still. Now, I guess I'm the weird, useless one in those two's eyes."

"Kazuma, you were always weird and useless," Darkness laughed. "Don't you remember what everyone at the Adventurers' guild called you? Kadzuma, Kazutrash, Scumzuma, Pervzuma, and-"

"Ok, ok, I get it! Sheesh! But you can't deny I was always the brains behind our operation!" Kazuma argued.

"It is true, we did come to rely on you for your devious and twisted stratagems, even if you were completely worthless in combat. Why, Aqua, Megumin and I would often talk about how we always needed to pick up your slack when it came to facing difficult foes since you were unable to fight your own battles," Darkness tittered.

"Now you're just making fun of me," Kazuma grumbled. But then he smiled. "It does feel good, being together like this again, doesn't it? I just wish…"

"That Megumin and Aqua were here," Darkness sighed. "We were never the same as an Adventuring party once Aqua left."

"Yeah. She might of been dumb as a brick, but she was a good friend in the end. I just hope she doesn't trash talk us too much for getting suckered into being Adventurers again," Kazuma muttered. He suddenly paused, frowning. He'd been sensing a bunch of bugs ever since they came in, but now…

"Uraraka! Tokoyami! Hold up!" Kazuma suddenly cried, running forward. He grabbed them both and jerked them back before they could turn the corner they'd been about to go around.

"What?!" Uraraka snapped. "If you're going to whine or demand we go back because you're scared or something I-"

"Shhhh," Kazuma hissed, putting his finger to Uraraka's lips. He motioned them up against the wall. He lowered his voice, pressing himself against the rock. "Listen, I've got a lot of skills. My level isn't very high, but I used a cheese strat to get basically every low level Adventurer skill in the book. Sense Foe is one of them. It's been going off since we came to the mine, but there's a lot of something's up ahead. Look, I've got Darkvision and Lurk too. I'm going to scout ahead, see what's going on. You three get ready."

"Finally decided to take this seriously?" Tokoyami asked. "Very well. But do not think you can simply run away."

"Kazuma is many things, but a fool and a coward are not among them," Darkness said, all the playfulness gone out of her voice. "If he says there is danger ahead, it is wise to heed him. He did this same thing many times in our quest to defeat the Devil King. It saved our lives, more than once."

"Yeah, so shut up, and just wait," Kazuma said. He thrust his torch at Darkness, who had forgone one previously due to needing both hands for her blade. "Hold on to this for me. If you hear me scream like a little girl, come and save me, alright?"

Darkness nodded seriously, while Tokoyami and Uraraka sniggered. Kazuma ignored them. "Lurk!"

He crept forward, his Darkvision allowing him to see despite the total lack of light once he had gone more than a few dozen paces. His Sense Foe was going nuts: there were hundreds, maybe thousands of cockroaches ahead of him, and something else. He carefully made his way forward, grateful that his skills allowed him to move without sound, vibration, smell, or even the notice of magical detection as he wove his way around cockroaches on the floor and ceiling.

He came to a large cavern, and gingerly leaned out into it. What he saw filled his belly with ice. The entire room was brimming with a swarming mass of bugs. But that wasn't all. At the center of it stood a cockroach that was larger than the others, standing on two legs. It was about a third of a meter high, and wore a robe that trailed down to the floor, with a crown on its head and a scepter grasped in one hand. It made his ears itch, for some reason, but he remembered seeing that particular roach before.

I should have known! We are facing the Lord of the Tomb! That's one of his generals, the Duke of Terror! Kazuma thought. He turned and fled immediately, dodging frantically around the swarming roaches. When he got near to his party, he heard grunts and clanging steel, and felt his blood run cold. Masses of roaches were crawling forward, swarming towards where he'd left the others.

"Not good," Kazuma grunted, pulling out his slingshot and loading a small bag of flour into it. "Snipe! Kindle! Snipe! Kindle!"

The bags of flour slapped into the swarm, the impact crushing a single roach. The fireball that erupted when Kazuma kindled the powder, however, was another matter, frying dozens of bugs in a single go. He yowled as bugs bit at him, but he raced forward, continuing his barrage until he rounded the corner, where his three companions were fighting off the roaches.

"Run!" Kazuma ordered. "There's one of the Tomb Lord's generals here! That's where the bugs are coming from!"

"What?!" the others cried, looking up from their work. They were all covered in slime and ichor, and even Darkness seemed to have stopped enjoying herself, having holstered her sword to simply crush bugs with her feet and hands.

"It's the Duke of Terror! I'm so stupid! It was his bugs that nearly overwhelmed us the last time!" Kazuma panted, drawing Chunchumaru and freeing himself of the roaches biting at his heels. Thankfully, he still had enough HP and defensive skills they hadn't done much. "He's super dangerous! We have to warn the village! There's no way we can take him, he's got thousands of these bugs."

"Crap!" Uraraka gasped, her eyes going wide. "What can we do?"

"I've got some dynamite, once we get out, we'll collapse the mine, it will buy us some time," Kazuma explained as they backed away. "We'll need the Baroness and maybe some other adventurers to defeat this monster!"

"No," Tokoyami suddenly said, casting down his torch. "If this fiend is here, we will not merely seal it away. I shall end this, now. Dark Shadow! I give myself to your dark power!"

"What, no, Tokoyami, don't!" Uraraka gasped. "You'll be killed!"

"Even if that happens, I'll die knowing you're all safe, and that one of our greatest foes is fallen," Tokoyami said with a grim smile as Dark Shadow began to roil and envelop him. "Fear not. I shall overcome this foe and my inner demon, or I shall fall alongside the bodies of my enemies."

"DEATH!" Dark Shadow screamed, growing suddenly larger, enveloping Tokoyami. "KILL THEM ALL! DESTROY!"

"Holy shit," Kazuma breathed as Tokoyami bellowed and ran forward, Dark Shadow annihilating every bug in their path. "He actually does have a super dangerous inner demon."

"What, did you think he was just pretending?" Uraraka demanded. "He's not some overly dramatic kid! Dark Shadow is a DANGEROUS quirk! He told our team about it at the Sports Festival, and that it was SUPER hard to control in the dark, and that he nearly killed his entire family when it first manifested! They had to call in a dozen police and three really strong pros to contain it, and that was when he was five!"

"I thought...I thought he was just some edgelord poser," Kazuma admitted. "Well, we better get out of here to warn the village, come back later and try to save him. Maybe I can use my lurk later to-Darkness?"

Darkness was suddenly breathing heavily, her eyes gleaming with lust. "That...that was the biggest, strongest, most dangerous monster I have ever seen!"

A knot formed in the pit of Kazuma's stomach, and he tried to bar Darknesses path. "No! Darkness, this is not the time to give in to your perverted lusts!"

"No! He needs me! He needs a crusader to save him from that demon!" Darkness cried, shoving Kazuma aside. "Do not fear, Tokoyami! I will save you! After I have become your plaything, your object of abuse that will exhaust your demon utterly!"

"Darkness, don't be stupid! You're tough but you're no match for-" Uraraka groaned as Darkness pushed her to the ground.

"It is a crusader's duty to shield her allies! I shall not allow Tokoyami to sacrifice himself!" Darkness proclaimed, then ran off after him. "Come on you big monster! Pick on someone who will ENJOY it!"

"Crap crap crap crap!" Kazuma groaned, picking up one of the fallen torches. "Darkness! I'm not watching you die! Not again!"

He thought back to that day, the day where he'd watched all his friends die, one at a time. Darkness had been first: drained to a husk by that disgustingly powerful loli vampire. True, Megumin had blown the bloodsucker to kingdom come once Kazuma had transferred enough MP to her, but it had been too late to save their friend.

"Wait, I'm coming with you!" Uraraka said, grabbing her torch and hurrying after Kazuma. "They're both crazy and reckless, but they are our friends! We won't leave them behind!"

The passages they moved through were smeared with ichor and hunks of shattered carapace, the walls gouged with great claw and beak marks from where Dark Shadow had run wild. It didn't take them long to get to the cavern, where a swarm of roaches was now trying to overwhelm Tokoyami. At first, it looked as though even Dark Shadow would be overcome by sheer numbers, but then Darkness waded into the fray, swinging her great sword wildy.

"Come at me, villains! It is me you want! Focus on me!" she bellowed.

The roaches hesitated, then gave up their attack on Tokoyami, who was now bleeding and battered, both from the roaches, and from the rampage of his out of control quirk. Dark Shadow seemed to be drawn by Darkness as well, screeching in rage, and tossing aside the rent corpse of the Duke of Terror, who had been helpless before its onslaught. Kazuma supposed this world followed the chunky salsa rule.

"We've got to stop this!" Uraraka cried, starting forward, but Kazuma put out his hand.

"Wait. Darkness is tough. Like, really tough. Let Dark Shadow kill all the bugs she's drawn to herself first, then we'll end this," Kazuma told her.

Uraka nodded, swallowing nervously. "Ok, but how?"

"I've got a few bags of flour left. Could you float them up into the air above Dark Shadow?" Kazuma asked. "I need to fill this cavern with as much powder as possible to make a super bright flash. Dark Shadow doesn't like it when that happens, he gets weaker. That should give Tokoyami his opening to regain control."

"Yes! Ok! I can do that," Uraraka agreed.

Kazuma passed her his bags of flour, which Uraraka quickly flung into the cavern. They bounced off the ceiling and walls, and he quickly sniped them, scattering the powder, which floated around instead of settling like it normally would have. He watched carefully until Darkshadow had stomped all the roaches into paste, and was simply tossing Darkness about.

"Ok, run!" Kazuma cried, shoving Uraraka out of the cavern. They fled, and Kazuma flung out a hand behind him. "Kindle!"

This time, the explosion shook the walls, causing rocks to fall atop them, and sections of the mine to collapse. Both Kazuma and Uraraka covered their heads with their arms, curled up into balls on the floor until the trembling stopped. At that point, it was pitch black, the torches having been snuffed out. Kazuma groaned, brushing rocks off of himself and standing. He dug out a spare torch and lit it, then helped Uraraka to her feet.

"Lesser Heal," Kazuma croaked, putting his hand on Uraraka. He coughed, groaning and staggering slightly.

"Oh my gosh, are you OK?" Uraraka asked, quickly sliding under Kazuma's arm and using her quirk to make him weightless as she supported him.

"No, almost out of MP," Kazuma groaned. "My skills are low level and cheap, but I've used them a lot. Come on. Let's go check on the others."

They made their way back to the cavern, Kazuma holding up his torch to illuminate it. Dark Shadow moaned, having reverted to a tiny, faded shape, and tried to hide under Tokoyami, who was lying atop Darkness, battered and bruised.

"Was...was it good for you too?" Darkness gasped, hugging Tokoyami and stroking his back affectionately. She was nearly naked now, her armor and body suit both shredded by the battle, her sword a mangled piece of metal tossed in a corner of the cavern.

"My demon...is...tamed," Tokoyami grunted. "You are a most...remarkable woman. Thank you. You saved me."

"Ooo, any time," Darkness giggled. "You do know how to show a lady a good time."

"Knock it off you two," Kazuma said as Uraraka helped him over. He put a hand on both Tokoyami and Darkness. "Lesser Heal!"

"My thanks," Tokoyami said, slowly standing. He took a spare torch Kazuma offered him, lighting it from Uraraka's as Kazuma's MP reserves were now totally drained. "It seems you are more useful than I initially thought. Perhaps my bonus was wisely chosen."

"Oh, gee, thanks. But I guess you're not so bad yourself, Edgebird. I don't know many people who could solo a General of the Tomb like you did," Kazuma chuckled, then grunted in pain as Darkness picked him up. "Put me down! I can walk!"

"No, you cannot," Darkness said, slinging him over her shoulder like a sack of rice.

"No, I can't," Kazuma admitted. "But it's still humiliating. You and your damn muscles."

"As I have said, my body is my greatest asset to our party," Darkness chuckled.

Tokoyami eyed her appreciatively. "Indeed."

"Oh stop it. Don't let Kazutrash rub off on you, Tokoyami," Uraraka giggled. "But Darkness...that was amazing! You are a true hero! To rush in to save a comrade! It was a selfless act!"

"No it wasn't," Kazuma and Darkness said together.

"I, um, I rather enjoyed it," Darkness admitted. "I did want to save Tokoyami, but, well, I would be lying if I did not say I found the prospect thrilling."

"Darkness, please, just take the compliment," Uraraka sighed. She walked over, picking up the smashed crown and broken scepter from the corpse of the Duke of Terror. "Ugh. So gross. Come on, let's get out of here. We're a bunch of weirdos, but I guess we did manage to beat one of the Generals of the Lord of the Tomb."

"Yeah," Kazuma sighed as Darkness carried him up out of the mine. "It feels just like old times…"

Problem was, that was what worried him.