Dine In, Taken Out
Izuku: I think we forgot something.
Mei: If you forgot it, it probably wasn't that important.
Izuku: Yeah, you're right.
"Right, I'm officially calling the first meeting of the Order of Belzerg to order," Kazuma declared, rapping his spoon on his glass. They were all sitting around a table at a dinner not far from UA, their first day of school having ended.
"Wait, why are we here?" Tokoyami asked, frowning. "I'm not from Belzerg. Neither is Uraraka."
"Um, yeah, what exactly is this about, Kazuma?" Uraraka agreed. "And shouldn't all those kids from your world be here too?"
"Eris told me she was too busy to participate in my 'shenanigans,'" Aqua grumbled as she grabbed a handful of fries to shove into her mouth.
"Hey, careful with those! Tokoyami and I are paying for them!" Uraraka snapped, trying to reach over to make Aqua put some back.
"Relax, let them eat. I have sufficient funds," Tokoyami said, taking out his wallet and withdrawing more of the strange yen bills on them. Why did they have a picture of their teacher All Might on the 1,000 yen bill? That was pretty weird in Kazuma's opinion.
"Yes, we need to keep up our strength! And Yunyun said she was going on a date with Sero," Megumin said, grabbing a handful of fries herself and biting into them one at a time.
"But then why isn't Iris here?" Tokoyami asked. "Isn't she the queen or something?"
"Yes, I was wondering why you did not invite her, or Sir Bakugo, Kazuma," Darkness said. She wasn't indulging in the greasy fries, instead having got a bowl of pork cutlets and rice, claiming she needed the protein. "Still, I am impressed you are taking such an active interest in reclaiming Belzerg."
"What?" Kazuma asked. He shook his head. "No! I don't care about that. This is about breaking Iris up with that asshole!"
"Right, I'm leaving," Uraraka said and stood up. "I am so not indulging your juvenile fantasies, Kazuma."
"I'll make you a free lunch every day for the rest of the trimester," Kazuma offered.
Uraraka zipped back into her seat, a wide grin on her face. "Well, I never liked Bakugo anyway, and Iris seems really sweet! Of course we have to break them up, they're terrible for one another!"
"You barely know either of them," Tokoyami said, an amused expression on his face. "Bakugo seems to have changed much during his time in Belzerg."
"Kazuma! This is scandalous!" Darkness hissed. "Iris is our queen! It is our duty to support her! If she has chosen Sir Bakugo as her First Prince of the Sword, then we should do all we can to aid both of them!"
"Yeah, and have you met the asshole? Do you really see him as being good for Iris? I thought the Dustiness family was supposed to be the Crown's most loyal vassal! Are you really going to let Iris shack up with Bakugo!? Just imagine what he'd do to our sweet, tender queen! Just the thought of my little sister with him makes my blood boil!" Kazuma snarled.
Darkness hesitated. "I do not know. She seems fond of him, and from her tale, he was her strongest supporter."
"Yeah, because he thinks he's going to tap that ass! Well I for one, am not going to stand for it! My little sister deserves better!" Kazuma declared, stabbing the table with his index finger.
"Aren't you from Japan?" Tokoyami asked. "How, exactly, is the queen of a foreign nation from another world your little sister?"
Kazuma folded his arms over his chest. "She's adopted."
"Kazuma used to think he was going to become a harem anime protagonist," Megumin confided. "He thought I was the tsundere, Darkness was the onee-chan, Aqua was the bimbo, and Iris was the imoto character."
"What?! I thought no such thing!" Kazuma protested, his face going scarlet.
Uraraka, however, burst out laughing. "Oh, of course he did! Oh my God, no wonder the baroness tried to offer you two maids! Haha, you're such a perverted dork, Kazuma!"
"Hey, why was I the bimbo?" Aqua demanded, a bit of fry dangling from her chin. "Obviously, I should be the super talented, angelically beautiful girl!"
"Sorry, I meant the bakka kami," Megumin said, keeping her face perfectly straight.
"That's better!" Aqua agreed, grabbing her soda and slurping it down. She let out a loud belch. "Man, this stuff is great! Tokoyami, give me more money for fries, and a milkshake!"
"Fine, but you're going to have to get your own next time," Tokoyami said, handing Aqua a few bills. She hurried off to stand in line, and the table burst out in sniggers once she had left.
"I guess she really is the idiot goddess," Kazuma chuckled. Then he turned serious. "We really do need to break Iris and Bakugo up though. I've seen his type before, and Midoriya told me about him. He's a bully, a braggart, and he's got a hair trigger temper. That is not the sort of man for my little sister. She deserves better."
"Who did you have in mind?" Megumin demanded, her eyes narrowing at Kazuma.
"Well not ME, obviously. I dunno, we'll figure something out, someone strong, and nice, and deserving of my little sister. Just, you know, not Mister Angry Eyes."
"Kazuma, are you certain? Meddling in royal affairs is a dangerous game," Darkness said, sounding and looking concerned. "Belzerg was not well known for its court intrigue; we were too often under assault from one or another Devil King, for they always seemed drawn to our nation. But even among the nobles of Belzerg, playing politics was a hazardous affair."
"Right, so, you know all this noble stuff. How do we break them up?" Kazuma demanded.
Darkness considered that. "Well, a formal challenge could be issued to Bakugo for the right to be Iris's Shield. We cannot interfere in her selection of the First Prince of the Sword directly, for it is the queen's right to choose her consort."
"Formal challenge? To a fight?" Kazuma asked, his heart sinking. He was a lot of things, and Bakugo was a few choice words, but one thing Kazuma knew was that there was no way in hell that he could take Bakugo in a fair fight. Sure, he could probably figure out how to beat him if he set things up right, but in a duel? Not a chance.
"Well, then clearly, I should challenge him to a battle of Explosions!" Megumin declared. "I have seen his, and they are weak and inferior! I am the one worthy of the title of greatest of Explosion Mages!"
"That would...Megumin, you are not well suited to being a Shield, do you not agree?" Darkness asked. When Megumin nodded, Darkness took a deep breath. "This is something I should have done regardless. It is traditional for the Shield to be tested by several of the court nobles, including the Dustiness family. I shall issue a formal challenge on the morrow. Come, Tokoyami. We must train."
"Now?" Tokoyami asked, surprised. "Where exactly can we do that, Darkness? I can't use Dark Shadow in public, and the school is closed."
That got Kazuma's attention. "What do you mean, you can't use Dark Shadow in public?"
"He means that-" Dark Shadow began, but Tokoyami shone a flashlight on the manifestation, which whined and went back to hiding under the table quietly.
"Using quirks in public is illegal, unless you're a pro hero. Don't you guys-oh man, you don't know that, do you?" Uraraka asked.
"You mean, we can't use magic in public?" Kazuma asked. "Why not? It was never an issue before."
Tokoyami shrugged. "Quirks can be dangerous. Dark Shadow is not the only hazardous one by any means. From gigantification quirks which can cause serious property damage, to creating panic when someone uses a flashy one. I have a little leeway, however. Here."
Tokoyami withdrew something from his wallet, and passed it to Kazuma. He and Megumin studied the card. "Fumikage Tokoyami, Quirk, Dark Shadow. Semi sentient manifestation of his shadow. Can speak and act independently. Unstable in darkness, more prone to erratic behavior."
"If Dark Shadow misbehaves, I may get off with only a warning," Tokoyami said, taking the card back. "However, if I am not cautious, I could be issued a citation or even arrested. It hasn't happened in some years, but it is why I tend to stay indoors after sundown."
"But, then how shall we train?" Darkness asked, looking mortified. "How shall we make love?"
"Um, yes. About that. Er, here, I still live with my parents," Tokoyami said, looking down. "I am still a youth, by my world's reckoning."
"Yeah, where are you guys staying?" Uraraka asked, sounding worried. "I mean, maybe I can find a way for some of you to stay with me, and Kazuma could stay with Tokoyami, but-"
"Eh, don't worry about it, we woke up in an apartment not too far from here," Kazuma said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Smitty said it's ours and stuff. We can live off the rations I create for a while, so I'm not worried about that."
"Also we have top of the line gaming PCs," Megumin added. "Smith said they were our reward for a job well done."
"Yeah, which is why we should have just stayed home," Kazuma complained. "Well, anyway, hopefully that challenge thing can sort out Bakugo. I'll talk to Iris and-"
There was a commotion behind them, and Kazuma heard a familiar wail. He groaned and turned to see Aqua being accosted by a tough looking man in odd clothing; an open vest and what looked like metal arm bands and a headband with caution symbols on it. Aqua was crying, and the man had her arms pinned to her side with one massive hand, her milkshake and fries spilled on the ground. Behind Aqua, a little girl and boy were clinging to one another, looking frightened.
Kazuma didn't think when he saw Aqua hurt and in trouble, he just reacted. He extended his hand towards the man and shouted; "Bind!"
Coils of thick rope shot out of Kazuma's hand, wrapping themselves tightly around the man and forcing him to let Aqua go. She stumbled away, and people started to scream and shout in panic.
"Kazuma!" Uraraka gasped. "Don't, that's-"
"What the hell are you doing!?" the man bellowed, his muscles flexing. He ripped free of the ropes with a snarl and charged Kazuma, one hand raised in anger.
He didn't get far. Darkness threw the table at the man's head, which he batted aside, only for her to slam her fists into him. He grunted in pain, stumbling back. "Dammit, what are you even doing?!"
"You shall not assault my friends!" Darkness snapped, holding her hand to the side and summoning her sword. "Back off, you brute!"
"Oh fuck this. Woods! Little help here!" the burly brute shouted.
Vines and tendrils suddenly sprang up out of the ground, wrapping Darkness in them tightly. A man who appeared to be made out of bark and wood stepped into the cafe, which was rapidly being emptied. "I have her and the other one, Death Arms."
Kazuma saw Aqua now bound up in vines as well, struggling helplessly to free herself.
"On me!" Kazuma roared, pulling Chunchumaru from the void and leaping towards Darkness, sword raised.
"Oh no," Uraraka groaned, but she fell in with Kazuma regardless.
"FIGHT!" Dark Shadow screamed, and Tokoyami bellowed in rage, rushing to attack the burly man at Kazuma's side.
"They're too close! I can't use Explosion!" Megumin called, stepping back from the action
"What the hell is wrong with you kids?" Death Arms snarled, and aimed a punch for Kazuma's chest. He dodged to the side, allowing Uraraka to slap the brawler's wrist.
"Please don't blow him up!" Uraraka told Kazuma, then shoved Death Arms towards the ceiling as he flailed and tried to get his balance.
"I'm not an idiot, we'd level the whole building if we did that!" Kazuma snapped at her.
At the same time, Dark Shadow shredded Darkness' bindings, and she charged at the startled Woods. "I already have a boyfriend!"
"You all need to calm down! Lacquered Chains Prison!" Vines and roots flooded the diner, spreading out and attempting to wrap all of them up in their embrace.
"Kindle!" Kazuma cried, burning the tendrils racing for Megumin and slicing those that came after him with his sword. Darkness hacked away and bull rushed Woods, her shoulder throwing him through a window and out into the street.
"Kazuma, we have to stop!" Uraraka shouted. "They're not villains, they're-" she was cut off when a stream of water slammed into her, driving her to the ground. Kazuma turned to see yet another odd ball dressed like a firefighter, but with hoses where arms should have been.
"Halt! You are under arrest! You kids are-"
The water from the hoses suddenly went back on itself, driving the firefighter into a wall. Aqua stood up, trembling with anger, Dark Shadow having freed her as well.
"How dare you use my element against my friends!" Aqua snarled, her hands outstretched. "I am...the...goddess...of...water!" The firefighter struggled at first, but suddenly slumped over as his own water pummeled him.
"Well, that was easy," Kazuma said, looking over at Death Arms, who was groaning and floating in mid air after having rebounded into several surfaces. He heard rapidly approaching sirens and smiled to himself. "And now the cops are here. Perfect."
"Oh no," Uraraka groaned again, getting shakily to her feet. "My parents are going to kill me."
"Why?" Kazuma asked, waving as the first cop car pulled up. "We totally stomped those guys. We'll just let them know that they were picking on Aqua, and-"
"Kazuma, those three are pro heroes," Uraraka told him. "You er, might want to put your sword away, and put your hands over your head."
"Pro Heroes?" Kazuma asked, a creeping sense of dread overcoming him. He looked at Aqua. "What did you do."
"Nothing! This boy was sad, so I showed him one of my party tricks! Nature's Beauty! Then that jerked grabbed me and started yelling, but you helped. Thanks, by the way. I mean, I totally could have handled him but-"
"FREEZE! PUT YOUR HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD! USE YOUR QUIRKS AGAIN, AND WE OPEN FIRE!" a bullhorn blared from one of the cop cars.
"Let me blow 'em up," Megumin said, her fingers twitching. "I wanna blow 'em up. I only got in two Explosions today…"
"It would be best if you didn't slaughter the police," Tokoyami said, getting down on his knees and putting his hands on his head. "I er, might have overreacted. Seeing my friends in danger...perhaps we spent too much time in that other world."
"Yeah," Uraraka agreed. "I probably should have known better, but...well, old habits die hard I guess."
"Oh shit," Kazuma groaned as the officers advanced on him. He put his hands up. "Um, would you all believe this was just a simple misunderstanding?"