Kai Chisaki and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
You don't tug on All Might's cape, you don't steal all Aqua's booze, you don't tug a mask off Vanir and You Don't Mess Around With Wiz.
-Don't Mess with Wiz, by Aqua and the Axis Girls
Shifting nervously on the street corner, Izuku tried not to think about how long Kazuma had been gone. He was fairly certain he could trust his friend to not do anything too egregious. Sure, Kazuma was a bit of a jerk and very irreverent, but whenever the chips were down he came through. It was actually remarkable how much respect Kazuma commanded from Aqua and Megumin, who previously Izuku had thought wouldn't take anyone seriously. And really, as odd as those two girls were, they were frighteningly powerful and effective when they put their minds to it.
Even now, Aqua seemed to have total faith in Kazuma, waiting patiently for him. That was also surprising. Aqua was not by nature even slightly patient, but now she waited confidently, her eyes narrowed as she watched the building.
"Do you think he's alright?" Wiz asked nervously.
"He is a strange one, but I think the lad is trustworthy," All Might said quietly. "He carries many burdens, Kazuma Sato. He is one who smiles to hide the pain, I think."
"Yes, I think so too. I've known him for a long time. He's...well, he's a good person, even though he won't admit it. I'm certain Eri will be safe," Wiz said hopefully.
And that was when Aqua suddenly stiffened, right before the alarms went off in the compound. "Something's wrong! Eri's crying again!"
"What do we do now?" Izuku asked, looking to All Might.
"Is the girl safe? Kazuma?" All Might asked Aqua.
"Yes, but they're in trouble! We have to help!" Aqua said frantically. "Someone's trying to kill Eri!"
"Well then," Wiz said quietly. "I believe it is time for us to make our entrance."
"Indeed, I have my warrant, and-"
Wiz ignored All Might, walking slowly towards the yakuza hideout, even as thugs in dark coats hurried outside, carrying weapons.
"Hey, you back off, lady!" one of the men snarled. "This is-"
"You have taken an innocent child captive," Wiz snarled, raising one hand before her. "You are worse than scum."
"Shit, she's one of them, get her!" One of the yakuza activated his quirk, summoning forth a storm of leaves from a nearby tree.
All Might made to move, but he wasn't quite fast enough. Wiz screamed, and in her voice was ice and death. "CRYSTAL ICE PRISON!"
Waves of ice emanate from Wiz, entrapping the thugs and freezing the land around her. One of the thugs, his arms and legs coated in ice, screamed and tried to free himself, only for Wiz to reach out with an ice covered hand and touch his forehead.
"Where is the girl?" she growled.
"I d-don't know, I-"
Izuku hurried up, just in time to see Wiz's face transform. She went from looking like a beautiful, sweet woman in her early twenties, to something terrifying. Her flesh seemed to wither and wrinkle, her eyes to shrivel and vanish until they were simply two glowing shards of ice, and her hair became stark white and wispy, like that of a corpse.
"Where is she, mortal?" the thing that had been Wiz hissed, its voice like a scream from beyond the grave. "You can tell me while you live, or I may slay you and steal the secrets from your corpse when I raise it."
"Down stairs! Hidden staircase, behind the shrine! B-buttons under the vase on the table behind it! Oh gods, don't kill me-"
The hideous thing vanished, and Wiz strode forward, her normal face set in a determined expression. "Come. We have a child to rescue."
All Might matched his pace with Wiz's, his own emotions a mask of fury. Izuku fell in behind them with Aqua, feeling shaken and looking at the frozen yakuza who were weeping in sheer terror.
"You saw, didn't you? What she really is," Aqua asked, her own jaw set in a stubborn line.
"I...yes. Is that really…?"
"She is a lich. A powerful one. She spends a lot of effort to look that way. But it's not what she really is. She's a monster, Midoriya. Don't forget it," Aqua told him. "One day, I will purify her. True resurrection or not. That is the fate of all abominations."
"I...maybe. She seems like a good person," Izuku managed.
"She's not a person, Midoriya. She's a lich. They're not people. Not anymore. They're a mockery of the gods' will, a perversion. And they must be cleansed," Aqua snarled. "As my champion, it is your duty to seek out things like Wiz and destroy them."
"Wait, your champion?!" Izuku squeaked. When had that happened?
"Of course. You saved a world, Midoriya, and swore yourself to my service. You're my champion, and my friend! Now come on, let's go save Eri!" Aqua skipped forward, a grin replacing her fury as they dove straight into danger and battle.
Ahead of Izuku, he could see All Might and Wiz fighting in concert, demolishing waves of yakuza. A few of them threw up their hands and surrendered upon seeing they were facing the Symbol of Peace himself, but others foolishly charged forward. All Might didn't even appear to be working particularly hard, moving smoothly and fluidly to incapacitate with quick blows to the head or body to disable his opponents.
"Wiz, we are heroes! We do not kill!" All Might barked to her as she lifted a man who had transformed into a giant beast of some sort off the ground with one casual hand, throttling him despite his struggles and attempts to batter at her.
"They hurt a little girl," Wiz growled. "Drain Touch! Do you have any idea what I've seen happen to humanity? I watched my people used as cattle! Experiments! Entertainment! I had to sit and watch for two CENTURIES! I saved those I could, sheltered those I could, but I watched my world BURN. No one else suffers, not while I can save them!"
The beast man whimpered and struggled in Wiz's icy grip, until All Might put a hand on her shoulder. "I understand what it is to know pain and hatred. But in this world, we are heroes. These are men. Not monsters. Be more than they are, Wiz. Be the woman you wish to be. Be a hero."
With a cry, Wiz hurled the beast away through a wall. Her whole body trembled, and she held her hands up before her face. "I just… I'm not human, anymore, All Might. I… I'm turning into Him. I… I'm a lich. Just like The Lord of the Tomb. What if...what if I turn on my people, like he did? What if I lose what makes me human? I can't even remember the taste of food, or what it is to sleep! My only friend is a demon! What even am I now!?"
"A hero. And a friend," All Might told her. "I do not think this Lord of the Tomb would be this driven to rescue a child he doesn't even know. You're just as human as the rest of us, Wiz. Now come. Let us find Eri, and get her out of here."
"Well, didn't think I'd be so lucky today," a new voice chuckled behind them. Izuku spun to see a man in a beaked mask with long brown hair and broad shoulders striding towards them, another man in a dark robe and mask at his side. "All Might himself! I've wanted to fight you for years!"
"I'll handle these two!" Izuku called. "You and Wiz go get Eri and Kazuma, All Might."
"What, a runt like you? Beat me? Ha! Not a chance!" the brawler charged forward, one fist raised.
"Blessing!" Aqua cried, and One for All raged through Izuku. He blocked the yakuza's blow easily, sliding back slightly.
"What? How did you-"
"SMASH!" Izuku roared, and delivered a counter punch, not actually connecting to the enemy's body, but instead using the force of the air pressure from the blow to send him tumbling back.
"Hmm. It appears he is strong," the robed thug mused, stroking his plain mask. "You should be more cautious, Rappa."
"OH, SHUT UP, TENGAI!" Rappa roared, surging out of a rapidly melting snowbank from one of Wiz's spells and charging Izuku again. "I won't take it easy on you this time, boy!"
Izuku counter punched to block Rappa's blow, meeting him fist to fist. Their knuckles met with an ear splitting boom, and this time Izuku moved forward, driving Rappa back. He snapped his leg up in a kick, only for it to skitter off a glowing barrier.
"Sword and shield, in one accord. That is how we fight, is it not?" Tengai mused, stroking his mask. "We must be cautious. I do not know who these two heroes are, but they were with All Might. They must be-"
"Dispel!" Aqua cried.
Tengai's barrier suddenly shattered, and Izuku flicked his leg out in another kick, sending Rappa crashing into Tengai and slamming the both of them into a wall. He jumped forward, and Rappa had just enough time to look up in utter shock before Izuku's fist shattered his mask and hit him directly on the jaw. There was a crunching sound, and Rappa slumped over.
"Oh man, I hope I didn't kill him," Izuku said guiltily.
Aqua hurried up, putting a hand on the unconscious man's head. "Hmm, almost. Lesser Heal! There we go. He won't die now, but he'll be out for a while. Good job, Midoriya! Now come on, let's go save Eri!"
Down below in the underground labyrinth, it wasn't hard to track Wiz and All Might's progress. The yakuza who hadn't been knocked senseless by All Might had been frozen by Wiz, though they still appeared to be breathing. They didn't follow the trail of carnage far before there was a deafening crash and explosion ahead of them, and Izuku ran forward with Aqua hot on his heels. They came around a turn and found themselves looking up at a massive crater that led up to the surface, with Wiz and All Might at the center of it. Above them on the rim of the crater stood a group of yakuza, all in those strange masks.
And in the grip of a giant hung Kazuma, who was clutching a little girl with blue hair who had to be Eri.
"Come no closer, All Might," the yakuza leader called. "Do so, and this boy's life is forfeit! You're lucky Eri didn't kill him already! Her quirk is deadly. I don't know why you've invaded my home, but it seems I must begin my plans early. You shall merely be the first victim."
"Put the boy down, Chisaki!" All Might called. "You can still walk away from this. Hurt him, and it's over for you!"
"No, I think not," Chisaki hissed. "It's over for you."
There was a bang, and All Might let out a cry, sinking to one knee. Smoke hissed out of him, and he was suddenly back in his skeletal form.
"HA!" Chisaki laughed, throwing back his head. "And so he falls! The champion of quirks! Soon, I shall purge this world, and no more of this filth shall-"
Aqua skipped forward, stuck out her tongue at Chisaki, and said, "Restoration!"
All Might suddenly snapped back to his muscular form, growling as he stood up, panting hard. "Thank you, Aqua. It's time to end this."
"What!?" Chisaki cried, jerking back. "How?! His quirk, it had to be gone, but then-"
"You're a real stupid bastard, aren't you?" Kazuma laughed, despite his precarious situation. "Hey! Midoriya! Catch!"
And then Kazuma flung Eri as hard as he could. Izuku moved, tapping into One For All until it raged like a storm in his veins. He leapt into the air, grabbing Eri and jumping back away from the Yakuza.
"WHAT?!" Chasaki roared. "Kill the boy! Kill them all! And get Eri back!"
The giant casually snapped Kazuma's neck and tossed his body to the side with a lazy gesture. Aqua screamed in rage and pain, falling to her knees.
"NO!" All Might bellowed, and charged.
"Wiz, hold Eri," Izuku ordered, passing her the weeping girl.
He charged ahead again, going up against three yakuza that tried to flank All Might as he battled the giant. They seemed to move so slowly as One For All blazed within Izuku. He didn't hold back, not this time. He crushed one that appeared to have a crystal generating quirk with one blow. He used an air jet to send the hooded one with snapping jaws flying off into the sky. And as for the one that somehow managed to steal Wiz's panties, Izuku didn't have to do anything. The foolish thief was a solid pillar of ice.
The wind picked up, and a light nearly blinded Izuku as a helicopter flew overhead, illuminating the match that was taking place at the center of the arena. All Might was exchanging a flurry of blows with the giant, but seemed to be growing weaker with each punch as the giant grew larger and stronger. A vapor seemed to be sucked from All Might with each of the giant's breaths, and his breathing grew labored, his body trembling. Still, somehow, All Might found it within himself for one final blow.
"UNITED! STATES! OF! SMASH!"
The sheer force of the blow sent the giant crashing into the side of the crater, which collapsed onto him, burying the man as All Might sank to one knee panting and sweating.
"Impressive," Chisaki growled. "You are the number one. But it's not over." The yakuza leader strode over to the giant, and touched him. Something warped about him, and Chisaki and the giant both vanished, turning into a horrifying amalgamation.
"BUT NOW, ALL MIGHT, YOU DIE!" the abomination surged forward at All Might, and Izuku shot himself forward, desperate to save his hero. But the thing slammed one arm into Izuku, and he went flying away, pain blinding him. He solid across the ground, and he looked over to see his right arm had been severed from a single swipe. His ears rang, and for a moment, he thought he was going to die like Kazuma had.
Seeing his protege taken out so easily, All Might roared in anger and rage, seeking within himself that reservoir of strength that lay within. He rushed at the newly amalgamated horror, dodging and raining blows down as Wiz called down ice from behind him. However, it had been mere days since Aqua had healed All Might, and he had not yet fully recovered. Additionally, he had taken some real hits earlier, and his foe's strength sapping quirk was still effect, and he started to slow.
Just as Izuku thought he was going to die again, Aqua was there. She glowed with an ethereal blue light, and touched Izuku. He didn't hear what she said, but strength surged back into him. His arm regrew in seconds, and he clenched a fist. "Thank you."
"Get out there and kick his butt!" Aqua demanded. "He killed Kazuma! That asshole!"
"He'll pay," Izuku promised, and spun just in time to see All Might's head go flying past him in a spray of blood. It had taken only a single hit from Chisaki's quirk, and All Might had lost too much strength from losing his quirk momentarily and the draining effect of that other villain.
"No," Izuku whispered. "NO!"
But it was too late. All Might's body slumped over before the abomination.
"AND SO FALLS YOUR SYMBOL OF PEACE! NO ONE CAN STOP ME-"
"CRYSTAL! ICE! PRISON!"
Izuku heard weeping, and turned his head to see Wiz striding forward, Eri held tight to her shoulder with one arm as the other conjured forth a stream of ice. Something was wrong though. Wiz's image was flicking, going back to the skeletal one, the snapping back to normal. Eri was frantic, trying to get away from the Ice Witch.
"Put me down! I'm bad! My quirk is on! You'll disappear, like daddy!" Eri wept, and Izuku could see her horn was now larger and glowing.
"You'll be fine, sweetie. Don't worry. I'll keep you safe," Wiz promised. "Just hold on for me, OK? You'll be safe. Everything's fine now."
"But they're dead!" Eri wailed. "They're dead, and it's my fault! Put me down!"
"No, child. You are innocent. Do not fear. I'll keep you safe. Midoriya! Can you finish this?" Wiz called.
Izuku didn't respond, only racing forward as the mutated yakuza thugs broke free of the ice. Wiz conjured more, and the thing roared in pain.
"FOR ALL MIGHT!" Izuku screamed. "ONE FOR ALL! 1000%! PLUS ULTRA SMASH!"
His blow took the thing in the chest, and it went flying into the air. Izuku didn't stop though, jumping so hard he heard the earth crack and shatter behind him. The thing suddenly split into two again, Chisaki using his quirk to heal himself and the giant somehow. He reached out to touch the giant again to reform the monster, but Izuku fired off air blasts, sending them apart. He reached the giant first, grabbing him and hurling him to the ground.
"How!? What is this!?" Chisaki howled as the wind whipped around them. "How is this strength possible!?"
"I AM THE CHAMPION OF THE GODDESS!" Izuku bellowed. "BEARER OF ONE FOR ALL! BY THE GRACE OF LADY AQUA, YOUR CRIMES END HERE! SMASH!"
Izuku didn't hit Chisaki, his quirk was too deadly. But his blast of air flung Chisaki into the ground, where he smashed into a pile of rubble. Izuku landed not far away, panting as Chisaki exploded up, his face a mask of rage.
"A GODDESS!? THERE ARE NO GODS, FOOL! NOW YOU-"
"Howling Blizzard!" Wiz snarled, stumbling forward, Eri still collapsed to her breast. The ice snared Chisaki, and he snarled in pain.
"HAPSUDATE SMASH!" Isuku raged, and slammed his fist into Chisaki's gut. The man coughed up blood, then hurtled into a wall. He seperated from the other man, who stumbled, only to take a hit from a blast of air from Izuku. Chisaki stayed down, his body battered and bleeding.
Izuku spat blood to the side, feeling drained. He turned away from Wiz, and ran back to the crater.
He found Aqua had somehow dragged All Might's body out of the hole, grunting with the effort. "Get the head," she ordered Izuku. "I'm finding Kazuma."
"Right," Izuku agreed, and jumped down. He felt sick as he picked up the gore slick head of his mentor. Please. She had to do it again. A miracle. He jumped back out, and found Aqua had set All Might's body down next to Kazuma's which had wound up in the street. Around here, police cars and ambulances were arriving, along with news vans. He hurried up, setting All Might's head next to the body.
"Can you do it?" Izuku asked quietly.
"Yes," Aqua said, sighting as she reattached All Might's head. "I always hate this part. Bringing back friends… it doesn't feel good."
Izuku heard crying, and looked up to see police kneeling around All Might's body, their faces masks of horror.
"No," one of them wailed. "He can't be dead! Not All Might!"
"This is a trick! He can't...he can't be dead!" a panicked reporter cried. "That's...that's not All Might, right?"
"It's him," Izuku sighed. "But fear not. Aqua is here."
A few eyes shifted over to Aqua, then an EMT let out a cry. "It's her! It's the goddess! Aqua! The one who brought Ingenium and Uwabami back to life!"
"Yes," Aqua agreed, standing and smiling, her hands coated in gore. "I am the goddess, Aqua. I can save All Might and Kazuma. But I need prayers and offerings. Please, does anyone have alcohol, or water? If you don't, some prayers to me would help…"
Someone rushed forward with a can of beer and offered it to Aqua. She touched it, and it vanished into blue light. "Thank you."
All around them, people knelt and began to pray, some generically to whatever gods were listening, others explicitly to Aqua. She closed her eyes, raising her hands. "I hear your prayers. Your desire shall be granted. All Might and Sato Kazuma will live again. Resurrection!'
A blue light blazed up around Aqua, and Izuku had to shield his eyes as it enveloped Aqua and the two corpses.
When it faded, All Might slowly got to his knees. He knelt there, bowing his head before Aqua.
"Thank you, Goddess. You have saved me once more. I… I owe you more than I can repay."
Aqua smiled, and reached down, touching All Might's head gently. "Arise, my servant. Go forth, and save innocents once more. Fight for the love that is found in me, Aqua, and bring peace to my people."
As All Might got to his feet, there were gasps and cries of joy.
"She did it! She raised the dead! His head wasn't even on, and she did it! All Might's back to life!"
"Oh yeah," Kazuma muttered as Izuku helped him to his feet as the cheers continued. "Just forget about me. The guy who saved Eri and all. Sheesh. Guy comes back once, it's a big deal. But me? That was 15 times! No one even cares!"
"I care. Thanks. You saved Eri," Izuku said, patting Kazuma on the shoulder.
The celebration suddenly ended when a new voice cried out.
"Please! Please, you have help! I… I couldn't stop myself! Please!" Eri struggled forward, dragging a limp woman after her, tears streaming down her face. "She won't get up! I can't stop! Please! Help me!"
Aqua ran forward, and Eri tried to jerk back, only for Aqua to catch her and put a hand to her horn.
"Be at peace, Eri, my follower. This sin is not your own. I remove this curse from you." Aqua leaned forward, kissing Eri on the forehead. Her horn stopped glowing, then vanished in a shower of blue sparks.
Eri sat stock still for a moment, eyes wide, then she jumped into Aqua's arms. "T-thank you! B-but, the nice lady, she...she's-"
"Hmm." Aqua knelt down, touching Wiz's body. It was nothing but dried, empty bones in a dress now. "She sacrificed herself to save others. But I can't do this alone. King Kai?"
"She's not one of mine," a nasally voice said. Izuku jerked back as a blue man with long antennae in strange robes suddenly appeared, stepping out from nowhere. "But, she did save this child. For that, I am grateful. But what about you, Aqua? She was one of the undead. Are you certain?"
Aqua looked to Kazuma, who sighed heavily. "Wiz was good people. If you can help her Aqua, do it. Not real sure what happened to her though. She looks all dried up. You know anything about it, King Kai?"
"She was dragged backwards in time, to the moment of her death," the thing with the antenne replied. "There, her time ended. She is but a corpse now, the mortal coil she long ago left behind."
"I… I never liked her," Aqua admitted. "But she was Kazuma's friend. And...and she tried. She was the nicest undead I ever knew. Ok. Can we bring her back?"
"I'll take care of it. This one's on me," King Kai said. He placed a hand on the desiccated skull. "Return to life, child of Comedy. May you bring many more smiles to this world."
Around the place where King Kai's hand touched, flesh suddenly rippled. Wiz was there once more, a faint flush on her cheeks. Her chest rose and fell softly, and she seemed to be sleeping.
"She'll need to sleep for a while, and eat when she wakes. She hasn't been alive in a long time," the strange being said. "Well, I'm off again. Good work, Aqua. Your mother would be proud."
"Wait, what?" Aqua gasped, but then King Kai vanished as suddenly as he'd come.
"Ok," Izuku said slowly as cameras flashed behind them. "What was that?"
"Man, I have got a story to tell you," Kazuma sighed, putting an arm around Izuku's shoulders. "But first, let me ask you something. Ever heard of Dragon Ball?"
The Vile Chisaki and his minions have been defeated, and Eri is safe once more. But what happened to Kazuma and All Might while they were dead, and who is this mysterious, handsome, and incredibly witty man known as King Kai? Find out on the next episode of Dragon Ball- I mean, This Goddess Must Be Crazy!