A/N: Buckle up, my loves! Quite a bit happens in this one and I hope you're ready.
Jed Bartlet was not, by any stretch of the imagination, a stupid man, and he was certainly not one stupid enough to tell his girlfriend that she was acting crazy. But she was. He knew Abbey hadn't been sleeping well, hell, it had led to their very first argument, but he hadn't thought that her sleeping habits (or lack thereof) could have gotten much worse than they had been two weeks prior. How wrong he had been. So very, very wrong.
He first began to notice a difference during their study sessions, her hands shaking so badly with exhaustion that her notes were at times almost illegible, her concentration slipping as he tried to help her remember the complex medical terminology, and she had snapped at him on more than one occasion. He knew not to take her bad mood personally by now, but it still made his own temper shorter, and when she had stormed out of the library one afternoon when he had merely suggested taking a break, angrily suggesting that he go to hell, he sighed, rolling his eyes in frustration.
She didn't mean it, he knew that without question, but it still stung, and as he picked up her abandoned books, he hoped that when he showed up at her dorm room she would have perhaps calmed down enough to think rationally. He made his way to her room, carefully dodging anyone he thought would give him grief for being there, and when he knocked lightly on her door, he took a deep breath to prepare himself for a possible fight. After all, anything was possible when she was like this.
He felt a sense of relief when Millie opened the door, thankful he had been spared Abbey's wrath for at least another few minutes, and she frowned as she looked at him.
"Jed, hi. Abbey's not here."
He frowned, shaking his head.
"Where is she?"
"I thought she was with you at the library," Millie replied, her face proving she was just as confused as he was.
Jed nodded, holding up the books he'd brought, now more confused than he'd been when she had shoved herself away from the table.
"She was. I told her that she might want to take a break when she was having trouble reading her notes, and she told me to go to hell. She left all her books, and I haven't seen her since."
Millie sighed, looking at the books in his arms, gesturing for him to come in. He walked into the room, placing the books on Abbey's bed, glancing at the other girl curiously.
"Any ideas?"
He knew Millie would understand that he was asking about how they should proceed, and she shook her head as she sat down on her own bed. He could tell that there was something on her mind, but he didn't want to pry, and when he gave her a small smile, he hoped it looked more genuine than it felt.
"If you see her..."
His hand had just touched the doorknob when he heard Millie say his name, and he paused, turning to look at her slowly.
"Jed, wait."
It was obvious she was nervous, but she met his eyes seriously, the worry as clear as day. He backed away from the door, wanting her to know that she had his full attention, and when she spoke, it was evident that she had been waiting to say something for quite some time.
"She hasn't slept in a week."
He was sure this was an exaggeration, but he nodded, taking her point.
"Not once," she continued, "Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I can hear her up moving around. I tried to get her to talk to me, but she just keeps shutting me out. This morning, she was just sitting on her bed, watching the sun come up. I asked her what she was doing, and it was like I wasn't even here. She can't keep going like this, Jed. I'm starting to get really worried."
Jed frowned, knowing that Millie wouldn't have even mentioned it if she hadn't been concerned, and he shook his head, trying to think.
"I'm going to go look for her. I'll try to figure something out. Try not to worry."
Millie nodded, looking at him gratefully.
"Thanks, Jed."
He gave her a smile, nodding as he left the room, and as he walked down the hall, he tried to think of where Abbey could be. He knew Millie had said she liked looking at the trees behind the building, and while it was colder than he knew Abbey preferred, he figured it was as good a place to start as any. Quickly walking around the building, he was so relieved to see her sitting against the brick wall that he had to stop himself from running to her, and as he made his way closer, he took great care to keep his voice soft, lest she startle.
"Abbey?"
She didn't so much as glance at him, her eyes staring at something far in the distance, and he leaned down, touching her shoulder lightly. She jumped, fear flashing in her eyes for a brief moment before she recognized him, and he looked down at her seriously.
"Abbey, honey, what's going on?"
"You snuck up on me," she offered as a weak explanation.
He shook his head.
"Not talking about that. Can I sit down?"
She vaguely gestured to the spot next to her as though she didn't much care either way, and as he joined her on the ground, he resisted the urge to demand answers. He knew if he didn't approach this carefully, she would never confide in him again, and he simply didn't think he could handle losing her like that. Instead, he reached for her hand, holding it between his own, trying desperately to bring some of the warmth back to her skin.
Abbey said nothing, hardly even seeming aware of his presence, and when he took her other hand in his, she finally glanced down, staring at their joined hands as though she had no idea what was happening. It was such a stark contrast from the Abbey he knew, her eyes distant and hollow, and he fought to control his worry as he realized Millie hadn't been exaggerating at all.
"Millie tells me you haven't slept in quite some time," he began conversationally, still holding her hands, "Is that maybe why you're having trouble concentrating?"
She shook her head.
"I'm not having trouble concentrating," she protested, though her voice lacked any real conviction.
He rubbed his hands together, still trying to warm hers, and frowned.
"What day is it?" he asked her suddenly.
"Jed—"
"Answer the question, Abigail."
He had long ago learned that if he really wanted to evoke a response, using her full name would be his best option, and he hoped it would help him now. Abbey sighed, her eyes still locked on their joined hands, and she was silent for so long that he wondered if she had even realized he'd spoken. Finally, her head shook, falling back against the brick wall, and her eyes closed as she took a deep breath.
"I don't know," she whispered, "I thought…I thought that if I just didn't sleep, if I just kept going, eventually I would be okay."
He frowned.
"You sure you want to be a doctor? Because I'm really struggling to figure out how that particular line of reasoning makes sense."
She ignored his feeble attempt at a joke, shaking her head slowly, and when she spoke again, he felt his heart break at the way her voice cracked.
"I'm so tired, Jed."
He released her hands, moving instead to pull her into his arms, smiling sadly when her head fell onto his shoulder. He ran his fingers through her hair, carefully combing out the tangles, and as he pressed his lips to her temple, he wished there were something more he could do to help.
"I know, honey," he said softly, "I know."
There wasn't a unit of measurement in the universe large enough to describe the level of shock on Jed's face when he opened his door two nights later to find Millicent Griffith standing on the other side, her expression more serious than he had ever seen it. He merely stared at her for a long moment, trying to make his vocal cords cooperate, and when he finally opened his mouth to speak, he hoped he would be able to string a proper sentence together.
"Millie, what are you doing here?"
"I know it's late, and please tell your roommate I'm sorry if I woke him up, but I need your help. It's Abbey. She still hasn't slept, and she's absolutely hysterical. She's been pacing around all night long and earlier tonight she saw someone walk past our door and she just started panicking. I've never seen her like this, Jed. She won't let me touch her, won't sit down, she's been talking to herself more than usual…Please, please come talk to her. You might be the only person who can get through to her right now."
Nodding once, Jed stepped back into his room long enough to throw his shoes on, feeling Jeremy's eyes watching him, and he glanced in his direction quickly.
"Sorry if Millie woke you up but—"
"Jed. Go."
He wasted no time in following Millie out of the building, thankful for the cover of darkness as they all but ran to the girls' dorm, hoping it wasn't as bad as she had made things out to be.
It was worse. If he'd thought Abbey looked exhausted the last time he'd seen her, it was nothing compared to the state she was in now. Her hair was a mass of tangles, she was wearing the same clothing she'd been wearing the day before, and the remnants of makeup around her eyes gave her a wild appearance he had never expected to see. At first, Jed had wondered why Millie had left Abbey alone if she was in such a dire condition, but he understood at once when they walked slowly into their shared room. It was clear Abbey was in no way capable of navigating her way around the small space, colliding with furniture and tripping over the occasional article of clothing, her steps erratic and unsteady. Jed glanced at Millie once before he moved closer, unsure of how she would react, and when he called her name, she didn't respond, seemingly unaware he had spoken.
"Abbey."
She continued to pace the room, always following the same route, and he took another cautious step forward.
"Abbey? Do you think you might want to sit down?"
Millie shook her head from her position in front of the door, prepared to stop her if she tried to leave.
"She's been like this for hours."
Jed watched her for a moment, trying to make out the words she was whispering as she moved, but it was no use. When he stepped in front of her, effectively blocking her path, he gently placed his hands on her shoulders, trying to catch her eyes.
"Abbey."
Nothing.
"Abbey, please look at me."
She tried to step past him, shaking her head and he tightened his hold, lightly shaking her without even realizing he'd done it.
"Abigail!"
Recognition flickered in her eyes for a moment, but it was enough. He leaned down just enough that he would be directly in her line of sight and when she blinked, her eyes raised up to meet his, confusion filling the viridian irises.
"Jed?" she said, her voice betraying her exhaustion and bewilderment.
"There you are," he whispered, reaching out to brush her hair out of her face, "Why don't you come sit down for a minute? Can you do that?"
She said nothing but didn't protest as he led her over to the bed, guiding her to the mattress carefully, never once releasing his hold on her. He could see Millie out of the corner of his eye still hovering near the door, watching them warily, and he reached for Abbey's hand, running his thumb lightly over her skin.
"You still with me, baby?" his voice was gentle, the way he would address a sick child.
Abbey nodded slowly, her eyes still slightly unfocused, and he kept his voice soft, hoping it would be enough to coax her into talking to him.
"You need to sleep, Abbey. It's been over a week. I know the nightmares are bad, but Millie's right here if anything happens, and—"
"I can't, Jed," her voice broke as she began to cry, pleading for him to understand, "I see him every time I close my eyes. I can feel his hands holding me down, and there nothing I can do to stop it, no matter how hard I try."
Jed looked up, glancing at Millie, seeing the tears in the blonde's eyes as she watched Abbey cling to his hand, and he placed a light kiss to her forehead.
"What if I stayed here until you fall asleep? Would that make you feel better?"
Abbey nodded, still refusing to let go of his hand, and when he slowly stood, he looked at her cautiously.
"Why don't you let Millie help you change into something a bit more comfortable? You wore those clothes yesterday."
Millie walked closer, pulling the clothing she knew Abbey always slept in from the drawer, careful not to move too quickly, and Jed gave her a grateful smile. Abbey's eyes widened when he tried to step away, shaking her head quickly, and he felt his heart shatter as he realized just how terrified she truly was.
"Please don't leave, Jed," she begged desperately.
"I'll be right outside the door, honey," he assured her, "You'll be perfectly safe here with Millie until you change your clothes."
Finally, she nodded, her entire body shaking as he let go of her hands, and he kissed her forehead again. He smiled weakly at Millie as he made his way to the door, making good on his promise to stand just outside the room, and as he leaned against the wall, he took a deep breath to steady himself. He hadn't known until that moment just how much he had come to care for Abbey, the very thought of seeing her so distraught almost enough to make him sick, and he felt the familiar prickle of tears behind his closed eyes.
Abbey was one of the most genuinely good people he had ever known, her kindness, bravery, and determination some of his favourite things about her, and to see it so cruelly ripped from her…it made him angrier than he could ever remember being. He opened his eyes just as the door swung inward, the crack only wide enough for him to see half of Millie's face, and she spoke softly, afraid of being overheard.
"You can come back in now."
He pushed away from the wall, ducking into the room before anyone passing by had a chance to notice him, and Millie took up her post by the door, still wary of a potential escape attempt. Abbey was sitting on her bed, now dressed in a loose-fitting pair of sweatpants and shirt, staring at her hands as they laid immobile in her lap, and Jed smiled as he walked closer.
"Why don't you try getting under the blankets? They're nice and warm."
He helped her stand, pulling back the soft blankets, and when she shook her head as he tried to coax her back into bed, he tried to keep his voice as soft as possible.
"It's okay, babe. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here until you fall asleep."
"That's when the problems start," she said, tears falling down her face.
As he looked at her, Jed didn't think about any potential repercussions of his actions or about what anyone else would think. All he could think about as he kicked off his shoes was that Abbey needed him, and he would be damned if he was going to abandon her when she was so desperately afraid. He lay on her bed, his back against the wall, holding his hand out to her.
"Abbey, come here."
Slowly, agonizingly slowly, Abbey reached for his hand, allowing him to guide her to the bed, and when he pulled her into his arms, he kissed her temple, letting his lips linger longer than was strictly necessary. He could feel her shaking as he held her, and as he moved his body to a more comfortable position, he ran his hand through her tangled mahogany hair.
"Go to sleep, baby," he whispered, kissing her hair again.
She buried her head in his chest, her grip on his shirt so tight that her knuckles were pure white, and as he waited, he watched Millie creep quietly over to her own bed after turning out the light. It was several long minutes, nearly a full half hour, before he realized that Abbey's fingers had relaxed their hold, and he smiled sadly when he heard her even breathing. He kissed her hair softly, not wanting to wake her, and closed his eyes as he felt his own exhaustion taking hold.
"Jed?"
It took him a long moment to realize that it had been Millie who had spoken, her voice a quiet whisper.
"Yeah?" he whispered back, opening his eyes slowly.
"Thank you."
He smiled, though he knew she couldn't see it in the darkness and pulled the blankets tighter around Abbey's sleeping body.
"You're welcome."
Jed was pulled from his sleep less than two hours later by the sound of someone crying, and it took his sleep-addled mind longer than he would have liked to realize that it was Abbey, though she didn't appear to have woken. He reached out to touch her face softly, wiping away the tears as they fell, and he moved just enough that he could kiss her cheek, hoping it would calm her even in sleep.
"You're safe, Abbey," he kept his voice quiet so as not to disturb Millie, "I've got you."
She moved closer, tucking her head under his chin, and he wrapped his arm around her more securely.
"I love you," he whispered, the words escaping him before he could stop them.
He knew he would have never said it if she'd been awake, no matter how true the words were, but he also knew there was no use in denying it anymore. He didn't know if a three-month time frame was too soon for him to tell her, but he couldn't ignore the way he felt about her. Not after everything they had been through. She was simply too important.
When Abbey opened her eyes, she was wildly disoriented, confused not only by the bright light streaming from the window but also by the fact that she wasn't alone in her bed. Her first instinct was to scream, but when she realized that she was held in a very familiar pair of arms, she felt her fear subside almost immediately. She vaguely remembered him coming into her room the night before, though the memory was a bit hazy to her, and she smiled as she remembered the dream she'd had during the night.
Though it had started off horrifically, as nearly all her dreams seemed to do lately, it had ended beautifully, with Jed telling her that he loved her, and she moved closer to his warmth, resting her head on his chest. She felt better than she had in days, knowing that she had been in desperate need of sleep, and as she listened to the rhythmic beating of Jed's heart, she didn't even have it in her to care that they were breaking so many rules at the moment.
She rose up at the sound of Millie's alarm clock, smirking at the steady stream of profanities that came from the blonde's bed, and when she felt Jed beginning to wake, she leaned over to kiss his cheek lightly.
"Morning," she whispered.
"Mmm, morning," he murmured, "Can you tell Millie to shut her alarm clock up?"
"Yeah, yeah," came Millie's annoyed reply, "I heard you."
Millie knocked the alarm to the floor, causing him to laugh quietly before swinging her feet over the edge of her bed and as she went in search of coffee, Jed moved to a sitting position, looking at Abbey curiously.
"How did you sleep?" he asked softly.
"Better," Abbey replied, giving him a smile, "Not great, but better."
He nodded.
"You still had nightmares. Heard you crying at about 3am."
Jed watched her for a moment, considering his next words, and when he reached for her hand, she turned to look at him.
"You scared the hell out of me last night, baby."
"Jed, I'm sorry," she whispered, shaking her head, "I didn't want you to see me like that."
"You don't ever have to feel like you can't tell me something. You know that, right? I want to know if you're having a bad day, or even if you just don't feel like being around anyone. I won't be upset."
It was very important to him that she understood, and she sighed, dropping her gaze to her lap.
"I don't even remember what happened," she admitted, "Everything is such a blur. I barely remember you being here last night."
He nodded, looking at her seriously.
"I don't doubt it. You were pretty upset. Didn't you pay attention to all those medical books you read? Sleep deprivation is serious, Abbey. Do you remember telling me about the dreams?"
Abbey searched her foggy recollection of the previous night, finally nodding, and Jed moved closer, wrapping his arm around her waist.
"He's gone now," he whispered, kissing her temple, "He can never hurt you again, and even if by some chance he tried, he wouldn't get very far. He'd had to commit murder first because the only way he'd get to you is through me."
"You don't mean that."
Jed shook his head, wishing he could see her eyes.
"Look at me, honey."
He waited until she had finally raised her eyes to his, reaching out to touch her cheek gently.
"I meant every word."
Jeremy gave Jed a look of shock so strong that he nearly laughed as he returned to their room at almost 9am, quickly pulling off the clothes he had slept in, thanking God that his first class wasn't due to start for another hour. He could feel his roommate watching him as he shoved his head through a fresh shirt, and he knew what his first question would be before he had even opened his mouth.
"Where the hell were you last night?"
Typical Jeremy. Jed merely looked at him, silently asking if he was seriously that stupid, and he nodded slowly.
"How's Abbey?"
Jed was quiet for a long moment, trying to figure out the best way to honestly answer the question. She had seemed better when he'd left, coherent at any rate, but he couldn't deny that a large part of him was still incredibly worried. How long would it last until Abbey stopped sleeping again and more importantly, how much damage would occur in the process?
"I don't know," he answered quietly.
"You were with her all night; how can you not know?"
He sighed, trying to keep his anger in check, though the one person he wanted to direct his rage towards was the very person who had caused all of this damage.
"She's scared," he said finally, "and I don't blame her one bit for it. I can't even imagine how afraid she must be, and there's nothing I can do. Do you know how that makes me feel? She's so terrified of the nightmares because of what that bastard Howson did to her that she didn't sleep for an entire week, she cried all night last night after I finally managed to convince her to go to bed, and I can't do a damn thing about it! Do you know what it's like to know the girl you love is suffering and you can't help her?"
His voice had been steadily rising in volume, Jeremy's eyes widening at the rare use of profanity falling from his mouth, and when he slammed his hand down on his bedside table, Jed didn't even notice the slight pain.
"Jed…" Jeremy's voice was soft, cautious, "Do you realize what you just said?"
"Yeah, I said that it's killing me to know that there's nothing I can do to help Abbey."
Jeremy sat down on his bed, shaking his head as a smile played over his face.
"You also said you love her."
Damn. So much for keeping his cool. Jed nodded, running his hand through his hair as he searched through his dresser for a pair of clean socks, deliberately not looking in Jeremy's direction.
"Yeah. I did."
He threw his shoes on, grabbing his toothbrush, and he slammed the door forcefully as he rushed from the room, not giving Jeremy a chance to say another word.
If anyone had told him that he would have been concerned with the number of times his girlfriend had kissed him in the last hour, Jed would have laughed directly in their face, but he couldn't deny that he was. He had unceremoniously kicked Jeremy out of their room that night, not wanting Millie to always be the one to leave, and when his eyes caught sight of the time, he pulled away from Abbey, looking at her seriously.
"It's nearly midnight."
Abbey shrugged.
"Problem?"
"I have an early class tomorrow and so do you. We both need to get some sleep."
He had a suspicious feeling that she knew exactly what time it had been before he had mentioned it, and when she trailed her lips along his throat, it took everything he had to keep from losing himself in the moment.
"Abbey, you can't use me as a way of avoiding sleep."
"Who says I am?" she said, her words muffled by his skin as she kept kissing him, "It's not my fault that you're so sexy and I can't keep my hands off you."
Her voice was low in his ear, her breath washing warmly over his skin, and in spite of himself, he found his resolve failing. He was only human, after all. It took him by surprise when Abbey pushed him back onto his mattress, her hands sliding under his shirt, and when she pulled it over his head, her long hair brushed over his skin, leaving a blazing fire in its wake. He knew he should stop her, if for no other reason than she needed to sleep, but when her hand reached for the button on his pants, all rational thought fled his mind.
There were so many sensations happening at once that Jed had no idea which one to focus on: the weight of Abbey's body on his, her hand touching him in a way no one else ever had, her tongue fighting his for dominance as they kissed. His own hands found her waist, pulling her closer as she continued to touch him, and when the low growl tore from his throat, it took the form of her name. He supposed it should have bothered him by how expertly she touched him, but he couldn't bring himself to care as her hand moved slowly over his head, making his hips move of their own volition.
She seemed to have an inherent sense of the exact moment he would have climaxed, bringing him so close to the edge more than once before stopping, and his fingers dug into her hips hard enough to bruise. She began again, the torture more maddeningly exquisite than anything he had ever experienced in his life, and he knew, without a hint of doubt, that she had no intention of stopping this time. He couldn't really think about anything other than her, his senses flooded with her perfume, the taste of her lips, and his body jerked under her as she continued to touch him. He tore his lips from hers, struggling to catch his breath, and when he finally found his voice, it was so ragged he didn't recognize it as his own.
"Abbey…"
He knew she understood the warning for what it was, but she paid it little attention, her lips finding his throat.
"Shh, baby," her voice was low in his ear, "Don't fight it."
He moved just enough that he could capture her mouth with his own, tangling his right hand in her hair, holding her firmly in place. He couldn't have stopped the way he moaned into her mouth if he'd tried, his grip on her hair tightening, and as he felt the orgasm tear through his body, he pulled her closer with the hand still holding her waist. It was several moments before he could breathe semi-regularly again, and when Abbey kissed him, long and slow, he felt his body shaking.
"What was—why did you—"
She smiled, running her hand through his slightly damp hair.
"Since when do I need a reason to show my boyfriend how much I care?"
He rolled his eyes, laughing as he wrapped his arm around her.
"Well, considering it's you we're talking about, since forever. I think you were just trying to distract me from telling you that you need to go to sleep."
Abbey smirked, raising her head up to look at him.
"Did it work?"
"Nope," he replied with a laugh.
"Damn," she muttered, letting her head fall back down on his chest, "It was worth a shot."
Jed laughed as he moved to a sitting position, pulling her with him, and as he ran his fingers through her hair, he smiled.
"It's late, babe," he reminded her gently.
She sighed, nodding slowly, tipping her head back to look at him, her eyes sad.
"I know," she murmured.
Though there was nothing she wanted to do less, Abbey moved from her place in his arms, and just before she made her way to the door, she leaned down, kissing him slowly.
"I did mean it, though. I care about you more than I've ever cared about anyone. At least, more than anyone I've ever dated."
She threw him a smile as she swept from the room, leaving him to shake his head in awe, a small disbelieving laugh falling from his lips as the door closed behind her.
Jed was right. They were just dreams and Howson couldn't hurt her, not now, not ever again. This, at least, was what Abbey was trying to tell herself as she tried to fall asleep in the darkness that seemed to suffocate her from every corner. She was more than a little angry with herself each time she found that her eyes had betrayed her as she slept, furious that he continued to have such power over her, and she groaned in frustration as she ran her hand through her hair.
"Abbey?"
She jumped at the sound of Millie's voice, cursing herself for that too, and peered in her direction, trying to find her in the darkness.
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay?"
"I didn't wake you up, did I?"
She hoped like hell she hadn't. That would be just another thing she had managed to fuck up.
"No, I got cold. But you didn't answer my question."
There was a rustling of sheets as Millie got out of bed, Abbey's mattress dipping from her added weight as she sat down on the edge, now illuminated by the faint moonlight coming through the window.
"It's okay if you're not, you know. You don't always have to be perfect."
Abbey said nothing, trying her hardest to keep her tears from falling, and Millie placed her hand on her knee, her voice soft in the darkness.
"Abbey…you're not okay…are you?"
She couldn't help it: her head shook, and she blinked, hot tears spilling down her face, dripping onto the sheets as she looked at her friend.
"No," she whispered, her voice breaking.
Millie moved closer, wrapping her in a fierce hug, saying nothing as the tears soaked into her shirt, pretending she didn't notice how badly Abbey was shaking. Abbey buried her head in Millie's shoulder, sobs wracking her body, and she fought to speak, her voice hoarse.
"Why is this so hard for me, Millie? There are so many girls who have been through so much worse. It's over, he's gone. Why can't I do this?"
"You listen to me, Abigail Barrington, and you listen damn well: it doesn't matter if other people have been through worse. They aren't you. Everyone handles pain differently, and just because you didn't win first prize in the trauma Olympics, that doesn't mean it isn't real."
Millie pushed her away just enough to look at her seriously, her arms still wrapped securely around her, offering more comfort than Abbey could have ever repaid her for.
"There's no rule book. There's no textbook that you can study to tell you how to process this. Just take it one day at a time and remember that you have so many people who love you more than you know. You've got your parents, your sister, me, Jed, probably even Jeremy at this point…we're all here, and we're going to help you."
Abbey smiled sadly.
"You love me?"
"Would I be here in your bed at 2am if I didn't?"
Abbey laughed, shaking her head as she wiped her tears away.
"True. You really think Jed loves me?"
Millie smiled, not willing to admit that she'd heard him say as much, and nodded, kissing her cheek as she walked back to her own bed.
"Trust me, Abs, I've never seen someone who adores another person as much as Jed Bartlet adores you."
Though she had never done anything remotely like it in her entire academic career, Abbey skipped all her classes the following day, refusing to move from her bed until she was certain Millie had gone. She had only managed to get two hours of sleep the previous night, waking from her nightmares shaking so badly that she could hardly breathe, and when she finally swung her feet over the edge of her bed, she shivered in spite of the warmth of the room. Figuring she would try to relax by reading, Abbey grabbed a thick book from her desk, not glancing at the title, and as she opened the cover, she realized her hands were shaking.
Violently.
She pushed it from her mind as she crawled back into bed, her eyes moving over the words slowly, and it was only after several minutes of trying that she finally accepted she hadn't comprehended a single sentence. The shaking in her hands infuriated her, almost as much as her emotional state, and she shook her head, trying to force herself to concentrate.
"Come on, Abbey," she whispered to herself, "You can do this."
It didn't work.
She was still keenly aware of the way her hands came close to dropping the book they held, and she closed her eyes tightly as she threw it, screaming, across the room. It landed with a heavy thud just in front of Millie's bed, but she didn't notice, falling forward on her mattress, screaming into the blankets as her tears fell. Her breath tore from her lungs in harsh sobs, though she wasn't even aware of the painful sensation, and she tried to form a single coherent thought.
She didn't know how long she stayed curled up in her bed, her tears eventually drying due to pure exhaustion, and when Millie returned to the room after her midday class, she frowned at her.
"Have you been here all day?"
Abbey shrugged noncommittally, not even bothering to look up.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Silence.
"What about Jed? Do you want me to get him?"
Nothing.
"Abbey, honey…have you thought about maybe talking to someone about this? A professional, maybe? They can help you."
"I don't need therapy, Millie," she spat the word as though it were poison.
"No? Well, you need to do something. You aren't sleeping, you don't eat, you're scaring the hell out of me, not to mention poor Jed…just think about it, okay?"
The only answer was a silent glare.
Jed couldn't contain his surprise when he knocked on Abbey's door and she threw her arms around him, kissing him before he'd even had a chance to say hello.
"Jed! I missed you!"
"I missed you too," he said cautiously as she pulled him into the room, "Are you feeling better? Millie said you didn't go to class yesterday."
Abbey waved his words away, rolling her eyes.
"Millie worries too much. Now, are you really going to talk about my roommate, or should we take advantage of her not being here?"
Jed stared at her as she walked closer to the middle of the room, confused by her sudden elation, and he frowned as he followed her.
"Abbey, are you okay?"
She pulled him closer as soon as she was near enough to reach, and kissed him hard, her tongue sweeping into his mouth almost desperately.
"Jed, I'm fine," she murmured, moving her lips to his throat.
It hit him suddenly, the taste of her in his mouth, and he pulled away, looking down at her in confusion.
"Abbey…are you drunk?"
Her mood suddenly made perfect sense and when she merely laughed, attempting to lead him to her bed, he knew without a doubt that he was right. She gave up on her attempt to bring him with her, deciding instead to sit on the bed herself, and as she watched him watch her, she shook her head, her expression suddenly changing.
"You're pissed at me."
Jed shook his head.
"No, I'm just trying to understand. You've had a few beers before, but never gotten drunk like this, especially not in the middle of the afternoon."
"It helps," she said quietly.
He frowned, watching her pick up the bottle of wine she had hidden beneath her bed.
"Helps with what? Studying? Not likely, considering you couldn't even write your name right now."
"No," she said, her tone almost pleading, needing him to understand, "Jed, I—I'm scared all the time. No matter what I do, I see it every night in my dreams, and I know that's what everyone thinks about every time they look at me, and I just…I needed one day where I didn't think about it, where I'm not so scared. Let me have one day, Jed. Please."
He suddenly felt like an ass, closing the distance between them in three steps, sitting down on her bed.
"Oh, baby…" he whispered, kissing her gently, "I'm so sorry."
"You're not mad?"
"No, honey," he assured her, "But I definitely wouldn't make a habit of this."
The door opened suddenly, shattering the moment, but Abbey didn't seem to mind, her eyes lighting up as they landed on her friend.
"Millie!"
Jed fought the laughter he could feel building in his chest as Abbey darted across the room to throw her arms around Millie, much as she had done with him. Millie looked over Abbey's shoulder at him, her eyes questioning, and he finally allowed himself a small laugh.
"It would appear that Abbey's drunk."
"So I see," Millie said as Abbey released her, "What brought this on?"
"Millie, you ask too many questions!" Abbey exclaimed, walking back over to Jed, "Don't question it, just accept it."
Jed shrugged, looking at Millie in mild amusement.
"You heard the lady."
Though he knew it wasn't a permanent solution, Jed was so relieved to see Abbey smile that he couldn't have cared less about the means. It didn't erase the months of fear, the sleepless nights, or the shaking in her hands, but she was genuinely smiling. And for the moment, that was enough.
A/N: Poor everyone. I really am too mean to them, but it's just so entertaining. Hope you enjoyed! Sending out so much love to you all!