During the night I woke up thirsty. I sip my glass of water sitting on the sofa bed observing him sleeping. He is a very handsome man. And I pause to reflect about another injustice reserved to us women. Men in their late thirty look even better than in their late twenty, the few lines they get add to their charm and even if hair start to turn white it just improves the whole look. While for women it's the opposite. Our bloom starts to fade, white hair doesn't suit us and neither do wrinkles. It's unfair.
He doesn't have marked lines and I can detect just a very little white in his dark curls. I am in no wonder he manged to procure himself a different woman every night. He just needs to pick and choose. In his situation, however, less attractiveness would have been better. He always had a hard time with women; they idolatrise and idealise him to such a degree it's next to impossible for them to go beyond his fame or his looks.
It will be very difficult for him to find a good and sincere one to attach himself to in the future.
And it's a shame because there is so much more.
I drift away with these considerations, and I observe his full mouth slightly open longing to kiss him. I kissed him just that once I revealed my sentiments. A shiver ran through my whole body on that occasion, it was years I wasn't experiencing anything of the kind.
And as there isn't a real motive not to do it, I press my lips on his own, savouring the softness, the warmth. The shiver is there again pleasantly ringing everywhere. And how delightful it's my surprise when he responds to the kiss. I feel all my blood running faster and faster, it's the kiss I always dreamed to receive from him, full of love.
He whispers something in his sleep and when I get what he is saying the warmth transform itself in chill, the delight in pain. He said 'Ginny, come back to me'

When I open my eyes in the morning Harry's ones are already open, staring at the ceiling. I can actually sense waves of grief emanating from him.
I caress him softly 'Harry, are you ok?'
'I dreamt about…'
'You dreamt about what?' I ask, knowing already what he dreamt about.
He is silent for a moment. 'Nothing' he murmurs in the end.
He spends the whole morning in bed, and I just can't prevail on him to get out of it.
I'm luckier in the afternoon. He eats the lunch I prepare for him, we practice some spells and then I succeed in convincing him to get out for a run. It's sunny and I'm sure it's going to do him some good.
It takes me almost one hour of very difficult spells to change his look but I'm proud of the result. He is totally unrecognisable. For the world in general of course, I could spot him in a crowd.
When we get out, my idea it is slowly unravelling to be a good one. As we ran in the park, I see his mood improving, we even manage a light chat.
Although, at one point, he slows his jog observing a group of chattering girls sitting on a bench.
'Are they not your groupies?' I ask playfully. There was always a group in front of the Ministry waiting for him every morning. All even too enthusiastic and undressed, fighting to have the privilege to talk to him, to get an autograph or whatever.
Ginny and Harry even took one of them at home. I met her time to time over the summer when paying a visit. Ginny told me her story. Basically, she ran from home when young and lived since then maintaining herself with odd jobs but mostly maintained by older men. Her childhood has been sadly similar to Harry's. I think that played a huge role in Ginny taking interest in her. Apparently, she is very clever and has tons of good qualities hearing their account.
Honestly, I think Ginny must have been mad in accepting her presence under their roof. Harry is a sweetheart and has always been irreproachably faithful, but this is pushing it a bit too far, in my opinion. I mean, she is surely smart, if not shrewd, and she surely has tons of good qualities; incidentally, between those, she surely has one of the best womanly bodies I ever saw and with no intention whatsoever to cover it in the slightest. I was there, sitting on the sofa with a cup of coffee when she actually professed her love for Harry like if it was the most normal thing in the world! And Ginny, smiling amused, only rolled her eyes! I mean, I did the same, in my woollen hat, mittens, unappealing jacket, without make up, the antithesis of sexiness and I have been enemy number one for weeks and her: all what nature has so generously bestowed on her in full sight, shiny hair, a radiant youth and in her best look, she only got off with a "kids will be kids" sort of look.
Something escapes me.
'Yeah..' Harry answers faltering. His expression tip me off. Why this reaction? I observe them better; provoking, pretty, young…Young. I'm reminded of Albus' letter, the shocking one he wrote.
'Harry, did you by any chance…' I start tentatively.
He interjects sharply 'Don't ask what you don't wanna know'

It was true. Ok, I think I rather preferred not to know.

At dinnertime his mood is still low. He hasn't been very talkative.
When clearing up, he expresses the wish to wash dishes together. I don't see why to bother since in two seconds can be done by magic, but I give in witnessing his eagerness, nice change from the former apathy.
'I thought about what you told me last night' he addresses me 'I know you cannot stay here for long. You have your family. What does Ron think about you being here?'
'He is not happy, but you don't have to trouble yourself with it. It's my own choice and he has not a say in it.'
I see him darkening even more, I know what he is thinking about.
'Harry, you know you don't have to give weight to what he said at the hospital, do you? He was only upset. You are not to blame in the least'
Molly explained it to me. It was disgusting. In front of his kids and everything. We had a row about it as soon I apprehended it. The worst in months. He wasn't repented at all which literally infuriated me; he still maintains Harry is to blame and we have the duty to save his kids from Ginny's faith.
I believe the shock of their discovery played a huge role in forming those ideas.
The scene was indeed disturbing. Working in the Law Enforcement I should be vaccinated but it hasn't been so. Not when the victims were my two dearest friends. The room was a mess. Bloody marks and signs of collusions everywhere. Harry's martyred body sprawled on Ginny's one, both unconscious, barely alive. She had many contusions, both tortured almost to death.
Ron had been uncapable to give any help whatsoever, and for two days he hardly ever talked. Looking in his eyes one could re-live all the scene.
Eventually a virulent hate toward Harry has been the propulsion force that woke him up from the shock.
Harry is keeping rinsing plates without answering to my affirmation.
I stop him and I make him look at me 'Did you hear what I just said? You are not to blame in the least'
He nods.
'You will still need to go away eventually'
'Don't think about it. I'm here now and this is all it matters. Let's live everything day by day'
'You are not forced to stay only because everybody is asking you to. I can take care of myself'
Yes, I spotted that. He can indeed, with drugs and self-loathing. Yes, he can take care of himself indeed.
'Harry, I'm here because I want to, not because people asked me to. I care about you, and I want you to be well again'
'I realise very clearly that I'm too fucked up. I'll never be well again'
'Don't say that. I'll help you.'
I don't get any answer.
As soon as I'm in the bathroom, he goes to James's room, takes all my stuff and brings them to the lounge. He waits for me out of the door and taking me by the hand he leads me to the sofa.
I try to remonstrate but he doesn't allow me to speak.
'Hermione, stop. Do this for me please. It is you who said to live day by day. It is what I'm doing. Evenings, nights, and mornings are the worst for me. I need you close. It helps me more than I can say. Please, let's not quarrel about it any longer.'
What could I do? Should I impose on him? If I'd be stronger, I probably would. But I cannot be strong when he says he needs me and hugs me with such tenderness. I cannot help but succumb.
Harry:10.000 Hermione: -1