Chapter 3 - Wherever I Will Go

Author's Note: Enjoy the bonding! :)

PS. IceyGemini drew some fanart for this fic that you can find on ao3. :D

~ Amina Gila

Luke feels numb with horror as he continues trailing Vader, though staying quiet. Seeing his father being tortured by Sidious in person is entirely different than knowing it happened in the past.

Vader doesn't believe he's real, or at least Luke doesn't think so, and it... hurts, because he just wants to get to know him. But he'll have to be patient.

It's not as though he won't have all the time in the world now. Because he's dead. Bitterness, anger, and despair flood him every time it sinks in again, that he's going to be here for all eternity. It shouldn't have happened now, even if it's obviously inevitable. It feels slightly easier to accept than it did earlier, but he... just doesn't want it yet. It's not fair.

And if he were still alive, Vader wouldn't be questioning if he was real. They'd be able to –

But would he even have found out about his father? Certainly, he wouldn't understand him the way he does know. And this way, he can easily hide from Sidious. That wouldn't be true if they were together in person.

Vader goes to a room on his ship with a bacta tank, and Luke watches, feeling sick as the droids remove his armor. Fresh electric burns snake across his skin, and... His skin might look better overall than it did ten years ago, but it's still awful. And the scars across his head from Ben's lightsaber is –

Maybe Luke should leave. This is... invasive, and he doesn't know that his father wants him here. At the same time, leaving him alone after he's been alone all this time feels... wrong. It's not like he'll even know Luke is watching, anyway, so he –

"I know you are there," Vader's voice sounds in his mind, and he jumps.

"You can hear my thoughts?" Luke practically splutters. This – what – he had no idea Vader could hear him, or even sense him here.

"You are projecting. Loudly." He can't tell what Vader's thinking, especially when he's pretty much motionless, floating in the bacta tank.

"Oh." Luke bites his no longer existent lip, hope suddenly sparking to life. "Does that mean you know I'm real?"

"I am aware you are a lingering spirit. Your identity is still in question."

"You're my father," Luke repeats, wishing desperately to the Force that Vader's going to believe him, because really, he can't prove it. Wait, yes, he can. "You can go to Tatooine if you want. I – I lived with Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. I wanted to be a pilot because I heard you were one, too."

Vader's presence has stilled completely at the names. He knew them, obviously. How well, Luke has no idea.

"The stormtroopers killed you?" Vader asks, slowly, "And what of... your uncle and aunt?"

"They – They're gone too," Luke replies, haltingly. At least, he thinks so. He doesn't know if he'll ever see them again. Unless he passes on or whatever. And he... doesn't want to do that. Not yet. It's ridiculous how much he misses them suddenly, for as much as he was always impatient to just move off of the farm. They're dead too, and that separation is permanent. He'd been trying not to think about it until now.

"You are... nineteen," Vader states, more than asks, voice strangely distant now. His telepathic voice is so different than the one from his vocoder. It sounds much like Anakin.

"Yes," Luke replies, "Ben – Obi-Wan, I mean – lived on Tatooine too."

The sudden rush of anger catches by her surprise, even if it probably shouldn't. "Obi-Wan was there?"

"Yeah. I didn't really know him, but... I didn't realize he used to know you." Luke should say something about... them, maybe, but he doesn't know what. "I saw what he was going to do to you, and I – I couldn't let that happen. I don't understand what's wrong with him."

Vader is strangely silent for a long pause. "He seeks to destroy me, as well he should."

"He raised you! I don't see how that couldn't matter to him."

Vader doesn't answer, but the anger and pain around him are obvious enough. Why did Luke even think mentioning this was a good idea?

"Sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up," he offers, "I... umm... Would you like to hear about the time I flew a Skyhopper through the cliffs in the Dune Sea and Uncle Owen grounded me for weeks?" That was so worth it.

He doesn't know if Vader will agree but he's just... trying to divert his attention. Obi-Wan just nearly killed him again. He probably doesn't want to think of the name right now.

"... Go on," Vader concedes, after a long pause.

And he listens with a strange level of interest as Luke starts rambling, even if he offers little commentary.

**w**

Is Luke real? Vader can't stop questioning it now, because he feels real in the Force, but... it could be his imagination, for all he knows. For as much as he wants to be in the past, he can easily see he could be having such... hallucinations.

But did he really have a child who's now dead? Thanks to the Empire. Vader doesn't know how to feel of that – of hearing he didn't kill his child, but he's still gone, because of the Empire. Though also here as a ghost.

There's one way to find out, aside from how he's constantly sensing Luke's lingering presence near him.

Given the obvious rebel activity on Tatooine, Vader has a good excuse to go there, in case Sidious happens to ask after his whereabouts. He takes a shuttle alone, heading for the surface.

Sand whips around Vader as he steps off the shuttle to what's left of the Lars homestead. The building is ashen rubble, nothing like how it was when he was last here. And the destruction is definitely fresh.

Vader senses Luke's flare of horror and grief, at the sight of the two bodies lying near what was once the front of the house. But what catches his attention most of all is... the other body lying a distance away, mostly buried in the sand.

And somehow, he just knows. He can often feel on the dead – the last moments before they died. Now, he can feel the boy's panic, his... desperation, and a frantic desire to... to meet his father. Against his better judgment, Vader reaches out with the Force, stirring the sand enough that he can actually get a look at him.

He's... already not in the best condition, but he can still see the blonde hair, and the... similarities to what Vader once looked like.

His son.

And he's dead.

He never even got the chance to know him. He's gone, because of... the Empire. Also, because of the search for the Death Star plans Vader sent them on.

"Father," the ghost's voice echoes in his head, he – It has to be real. It must be. His son's spirit has been following him around, but that – that doesn't change that he's dead.

"You are real," Vader replies, as quietly as he can, with the vocoder.

"Why would they do this?" Luke demands, voice shaking slightly. He lost the aunt and uncle who raised him. How they even got him, Vader can only wonder. Did Obi-Wan bring him here? "We didn't even do anything. We just bought those droids from the Jawas."

Anger and despair swell inside of Vader, as he stares at the wreckage. He didn't know he could feel more destroyed than he already does. It's not as if he truly lost anything – he never he had a child in the first place – but it feels like it anyway. His son was alive for years and they were apart, never knowing each other, and now they never will.

And his son is dead, and he deserved life more than anyone. He was still... a child.

"They will often go... far further than necessary. The Empire is not as it should be," Vader answers, finally. It's always bothered him, that the Empire has so much corruption, but it's not that different than the Republic. And there's nothing he can do but try to bring order, while following Sidious' commands but this – this –

Luke is gone.

His son's pain is obvious too, and only makes him feel worse.

"I should have found you sooner. Had I known... this was not have happened." It sounds like a lame excuse, an attempt at consolation that will change nothing. It won't change the years they lost together, or how they'll never be together now.

"It's not your fault, Father," Luke replies quietly, softly but firmly.

Vader turns slightly to where he hears the voice right next to him, though he sees nothing. "It would not be the first time I believed you lost because of my own actions."

"I know. But it's not because of you this happened. You didn't even know about me. And you didn't order them to do this."

The answer almost confuses him. What does Luke mean he knows? How would he know anything of what Vader's done?

"The Force showed me a lot," Luke says, answering his unspoken question.

It... would make sense. He's dead, after all. Vader doesn't truly know what death would be like, except that he seeks it constantly. Perhaps that's why he won't be given it; he doesn't deserve that freedom, after everything. This... would explain Obi-Wan's anger, he realizes suddenly. Obi-Wan watched Luke for years, only to lose him to the Empire as well. (He also knew Vader had a child and never told him years ago.) He has no idea how to feel about that.

Or maybe it's simply that he feels too empty to feel much of anything right now.

"Hey," his son speaks up again, "Whatever you're thinking about it, we are together now. And we can't be taken apart."

That... is true, and yet – "You are gone," Vader replies, "You... should pass on. Find freedom." No matter how much he wants Luke to stay – if there's truly a chance to know his child – he would never ask that of him.

"No," he replies, fiercely, "I wanted to know you for years. I'm not going anywhere now. The Force... spoke to me. Sort of. It's giving me a chance to be with you. I might be able to appear to you as a person if I keep learning more."

Luke can... what? There is far more to the Force than he knows, of course, so it shouldn't be that surprising. A small flicker of hope starts to form, despite everything. Maybe... maybe there's a chance he can still be with his son, after all. If he's preserving his consciousness here as a spirit willingly, then he wouldn't dissipate unless he wants to.

Even if Vader cannot fathom why – if his son knows of what he's done – he would want to stay with him.

"I know this is different," Luke says, sounding almost sullen for a moment. It's not like he's happy about the situation, either. "But we're still together and we can finally get to know each other, right?"

"Yes," Vader agrees, slowly. It still doesn't really feel like it, even if he's right. Maybe all of this simply needs time to sink in.

He senses a small flare of happiness from Luke. "Do we need to stay here anymore?"

Why is it that every time Vader comes back here, it's only to lose something else? His helmet turns slowly to the place where his mother's grave stone still lies.

There's another next to it now, for Cliegg. He must already be dead.

And this will be the final resting place of the last family he ever had.

"Soon," Vader replies. He's not leaving the bodies for the anoobas.

Finding a way to bury them when Vader's ability to move is limited is... complicated, but he still does it. It's finished within a couple hours, and he stands next to graves for a long moment, studying the fresh gravestones. His son will be here forever now, next to his mother.

Why is it that this place is always the end of everything?

He can feel Luke's solemnness as he stands next to Vader. His son's presence feels of earth, and it seems to curl around him, trying to offer comfort in his own way, though Luke's grief is just as sharp as his own. He's the one who's gone, who lost everything including his aunt and uncle.

Vader never truly knew them. And he's already grieved his child's death for years now. Even if it feels like he's starting all over again right now.

"I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere," Luke reiterates, firmly.

It helps, a little, but the emptiness is still tearing him apart. He doesn't know if it's possible to feel anything else ever again, anyway. "I know," is all Vader says.

Now, it's time for them to go. And this time, he hopes even more than ever that he'll never have to return.

**w**

Going back to Tatooine was hard, seeing the ruins of what was once his home. Luke still can't shake the sight of his aunt and uncle's bodies from mind, even if he knows they're... beyond now. At peace. It's inevitable, but it shouldn't have happened so early. It shouldn't...

But nothing can change the past. Now that Luke saw it, he feels somehow more accepting and bitter at once. There's no use wishing for what he can never get back. But at least his father... buried them. Even if Luke wishes Vader hadn't had to see his body in the first place.

He lets himself fade back into the Force for now to just be for a little bit, and to keep learning from the Son.

If he's able to appear physically, Vader won't be grieving him as though they're forever separate.

The Son is always waiting within reach when Luke tries to seek him out, and he answers immediately now, continuing his training. It takes a lot longer than he wished it did, but finally Luke thinks he might know how to do it.

Vader's in his meditation pod when Luke reaches for him, wishing himself to appear physically, using what the Son's taught him.

He materializes in front of Vader, and he knows it worked the instant his father stills entirely, yellow eyes widening – his helmet is off right now.

And it's the first time Luke's seen his face in person, not in that vision of the past by the Son and Daughter. His skin looks far better than it did on Jabi'im but the deep scar that runs across the top of his head, and on the side of his face are definitely from the fight there, and –

"Luke?" Vader asks, voice weak though much like Anakin's, but his incredulity is obvious.

"I'm here," Luke replies, glancing around the metal walls. How Vader couldn't feel claustrophobic in here, he has no idea. Then again, his father probably feels like that in the suit constantly. This would be a relief. At least he can breathe properly without his helmet in here.

"How?" Vader asks, leaning forwards, staring at him intently, as though he doesn't believe Luke's really here.

"I've been learning more. I don't know if I'm physically here, but..." The floor certainly feels real beneath his feet, though.

Vader reaches out almost uncertainly, for his arm.

Luke stills when he feels the glove brush against it. He really is physically here, even if he can blink out any moment. And it's draining but he's here.

For a moment they just look at each other, before Luke moves forwards, reaching out to take Vader's hand. Vader tightens his grip slightly, even if he can't feel it.

"I know I'm dead, but we can still be together. I'm still here," Luke repeats, like he's been saying all along. It feels more real now, though.

"You are," Vader agrees, finally. Luke's pretty sure the grip on his hand would be painful now, if he still had pain sensors.

"I want to know you," he goes on, "And at least this way, no one can stop us." He lowers himself to the floor in front of Vader. It's a tight squeeze in the relatively small pod, but it'll work.

"The... place beyond," Vader begins almost hesitantly, "What is it like?"

"Bridges of blue in darkness, but it's peaceful. I don't know how to explain. I can feel the energy field moving around me, constantly flowing in and out of life. But I've been talking to the Son and Daughter. They say there's an afterlife I can go to if I want, but I'd rather stay with you."

"The Son and Daughter?" Vader echoes.

"You know of them?" Luke asks, surprised.

"I met them once, long ago. They dwelled on a planet called Mortis. The Son killed the Daughter, and I... destroyed him."

It's good to know, but that... Luke thinks it has more significance than Vader realizes. He killed the Son. Is that meant to imply that he's going to destroy the Sith, and presumably let go of the Dark Side himself? Does that mean – Maybe there is a guaranteed chance he can have something better than this, not that Luke wouldn't be pushing for it regardless. He's here to help his father, and that's what he's going to do.

"Have you ever thought about having a life beyond Sidious?" Luke begins, almost awkwardly. How should he even approach this subject? He can't fully understand himself why Vader hasn't already walked out, even if he definitely understands why he feels like he can't.

Vader stiffens, expression tightening. "He is my master."

"I know, but – You can't not have thought about it, and I just – "

"I cannot."

"But... he's awful to you," Luke objects, "The first time I saw you talking to him, he was torturing you."

"That is the way of the Sith. I... failed him."

"Hardly. It's not your fault Obi-Wan was doing what he was. Even if you made a mistake, there's never a reason to react like that."

"This is what he demands," Vader replies, evenly, "It is his right, as a master."

"I thought he was supposed to be your... Force teacher. How does that mean he – He shouldn't control you." It's sickening and he's only seen this level of control and submission with slaves on Tatooine. Not that saying so bluntly would be very considerate when it's definitely going to be a touchy subject for him.

Vader doesn't say anything immediately. Maybe he doesn't even know what to say.

"I know it wouldn't be... easy," Luke begins, again. How does he say this? "But I think you could – I can help you. We could find a way for you to leave Sidious. I can't imagine you want to stay with him. We can find somewhere for you to go. There's even the Rebellion –" Though with Obi-Wan there, that notion is probably ridiculous.

"No," Vader interrupts, though quietly, "I have fought for the Empire for years. I will not tear it down now."

Luke knows plenty of what he's done for the Empire, so it shouldn't be so surprising. But there's a furious part of him that just wants the Empire to hurt, after what they did to him and Owen and Beru. "But the Empire is destroying everything. I know that's not your fault, but this –"

"It is corrupt, but not that much worse than the Republic. This civil war is destroying everything even further."

He's probably not wrong about that, even if Luke doesn't want to hear it. "But that doesn't mean you can't find a way to leave Sidious."

"He will see it coming," Vader replies, "He always has."

Well. That... would be a problem. Luke won't give up, though. Could he kill Sidious from ghost land? Or would the Force not let him interfere to that extent? He has no idea, but maybe he should find out.

And he frankly doesn't know if Vader's ready to take a step that great, yet. Maybe if Luke was alive it would be different, but his father doesn't seem to have the motivation to do anything anymore, aside from numbly following orders. Luke doesn't know that the presence of his now ghost son has changed that, or maybe even made it worse.

And Luke has no idea what to do.

**w**

The lightsaber moves with a surprising familiarity in Leia's hands, as she spins to block the laser shots fired from multiple training droids. It's nothing nearly as strenuous as the preparations she had to go through for her trial to become queen of Alderaan – She harshly cuts off that thought right there, deflecting the next few shots back at the droids, and they finally clatter to the floor, deactivating.

"Good job," Ben says, approaching to collect the droids.

Leia deactivates her blade – her birth father's lightsaber, actually – clipping it to her waist. "This is getting easy," she tells him, as cheerfully as she can muster.

"Then you may be ready for the next step in your training soon. Just remember that aggression is not the way of the Jedi."

... She has literally hardly spent one day with him where he hasn't killed someone. Yes, in a fight, but still. "That's part of everything we're doing," she replies, flatly. "We're fighting." And that doesn't mean she has to like it. She had so many questions about the rebellion before, knowing how many people would die on both sides. (She still doesn't know what to think of all the blood she has on her hands now, but she has to believe it's for something. Alderaan is worth fighting for and avenging.)

Sometimes, he doesn't make any sense. He's pushing her training a lot, insisting it's critical for her to be able to protect herself, and then sometimes sprouts off totally nonsensical comments like this.

"Even so," Ben replies stubbornly. He's studying her with that look again, one she can't really read, and admittedly doesn't like. There's more than he's saying, just like when she was young. She knows he cares about her on some level even if they don't know each other well, though for some reason he seems to linger near her whenever he has the chance. She doesn't really get why.

She doesn't mind exactly because she doesn't have anyone anymore, either. Except him, Han, and Chewbacca, none of whom she knows well. Her family is gone.

"What?" Leia asks finally, meeting his gaze.

"You have your father's passion and determination," he answers, after a pause. "I see it more now than I ever noticed before." For some reason, she can't fully tell if that's intended as compliment or not.

"I... I know it's not easy for you to talk about, so we don't have to, but I – I'm just wondering who my father was," Leia says. She's been meaning to ask for a long time, but it was never really ideal, until he brought it up again himself.

She has his father's lightsaber, after all, and something about the kyber crystal feels oddly familiar. Like she felt it once, in a time she doesn't remember. Likely, after she was born but before he died, or... something.

Ben's silent for a pause, grief flashing across his face. "He was the best star pilot in the galaxy, and he was a cunning warrior. He was a skilled Jedi, and a... good friend. His name was Anakin Skywalker."

Leia stills, eyes widening. "Skywalker?"

"You heard of him?"

"A little. My father spoke of him and you, sometimes. You're both mentioned in history briefly, though not in the most favorable light."

"I imagine not," he replies, flatly. There's something dark about him, whenever what happened to the Jedi comes up. And it seems far worse now than when she knew him before.

"Are you okay?" Leia asks, uncertainly.

The not-quite-smile he gives her is bitter. "Since I lost your father, nothing has been... the same." So basically, not at all.

"I'm sorry," Leia offers, quietly.

He stares past her, as though looking at something of another era entirely. "Me too."

And why does she sense an underlying sense of guilt, so overlayed by bitterness, grief, and fury – though at what she's not sure. She can't make sense of it. And probing further isn't something he's likely to appreciate. But she thinks there's more to the story than he's... saying.

"I'll try meditating for a bit, before we continue," Leia offers, slipping from the room. She remembers when she and Amylin Holdo had done things similar to meditation, when they were in junior Senate. But now, it's hard to find any level of calm. All she can remember is Alderaan exploding, and either it ignites a feeling of icy rage and grief so strong she just abrupt shies away from it, or it feels like she shuts down entirely. What happened hasn't caught up with her yet and she's not looking forward to when it does. It keeps hitting her over and over how she has nothing now, nowhere to go but the Falcon.

So, she finds herself in one of the side rooms of the ship, just sitting there trying and failing to find calm.

"Why would a princess want to become like a crazy old wizard?" a familiar voice drawls from the doorway.

Leia opens her eyes to see Han standing there. She's still not sure if she finds him more annoying or really likes him.

(Or maybe it's that how she feels about him is reminding her of Kier, and she can't – She's lost enough. She can't let that happen again. What would he think now if he saw what happened to Alderaan?)

"Wasn't my preference," she retorts, "But it's useful."

"Useful nonsense," Han replies, dryly.

Chewie growls in agreement.

"Do you really think fighting a couple droids will help you go up against living threats?"

"I know how to fight a lot more than droids," Leia shoots back, "What I'm doing now is only the beginning." She huffs out a breath, strangely exhausted. It feels like someone else is missing, someone who ought to be here – But who is she kidding? Everyone she knew is missing. And if she couldn't find it in herself to tolerate Han now, she would hardly have anyone. "What do you want?"

"You were on my ship, Your Highness," he points out, raising an eyebrow.

That is not what she meant. "If it bothers you –"

"Why would it?" he interrupts, "We all know you really want me around."

"Perhaps when you're not being so frustrating."

"Are you alright?" growls Chewie, patting Leia's shoulder.

"I will be." Unlikely, but she has to at least pretend right now, lest she shatter entirely. "Being here is... different."

"I'd bet it is," Han replies, "Sure more interesting than pulling deals with Jabba."

"You're going to stay?" she asks, hopefully. She doesn't want him to leave, and Jabba is just a slaving criminal. He doesn't need the money.

"Still gotta pay off Jabba sometime, but for now, yeah," he replies, and she tries to hide her visible relief. She doesn't want them to leave, even if Han will probably harass her relentlessly later for actually asking about it. (She doesn't want to be all alone.)

Final Notes: Reviews are always appreciated! ^-^

Come hang out on Discord (delete spaces), discord . gg / nqSxuz2 or find us on tumblr at fanfictasia (our more serious blog which does have controversial posts on it; I won't be offended if you choose to block it, promise), and disastertriowriting (which is our fun blog with crack posts or incorrect SW quotes)

We've got a YT channel for tributes! (delete the spaces) youtube channel / UC_g1M5rSCxJUzQCRS29B6pA

ALSO: We have SW gift request forms for General, Anakin-Clones-centric, and Bad Batch fics. :D (delete spaces) bit . ly / CourtesyTrefflinFicRequests