Aurora had only been reading for about five minutes before Suzaku awoke. One glance told her that she had promised something that wasn't going to happen, a break of faith that she desperately tried to avoid. Her word was sacred to her, and she didn't give it lightly. But it didn't matter.

He didn't remember.

Suzaku looked at her like she was the answer to every question, even the ones no person could know. He weakly held out his hand, and she reached out to take it before she thought better of it. He slowly stroked his thumb over her knuckles, sending little sparks shooting into her blood at the rasp of his skin against hers. It wasn't fair, she thought childishly as she stopped rocking. It wasn't fair that she had to deal with his actions and words with the knowledge of who he was. He could say and do whatever he wanted – he still believed that Aurora was Euphemia.

It would seem that his outburst last night had worn him out; Suzaku struggled just to keep his eyes open as he helplessly trembled. He was so pale, so drawn. Sliding out of her chair, Aurora knelt next to the bed, running her knuckles down his cheek once before she asked him to do the impossible. She asked him to remember.

"Suzaku, I need you to do something for me. Can you tell me your earliest memory?"

He looked surprised, but indulgent. However, the shadow of guilt quickly stole over his eyes.

"Being carried on my father's shoulders. It was at an event, a festival, I think. I remember the fireworks and the feel of my father laughing."

And so, the thread began to be unrolled. Aurora felt guilty, asking him to reveal things under the ruse of the woman he loved, but she was afraid that the only way he could remember was if he lived it all again. And to be perfectly honest, she had to know. This might be her only chance.

She walked him through his youth, unsurprised to hear of the two younger brothers and mother that had all but disappeared from the face of the planet upon the end of the invasion. Rumor said that they had settled in the Chinese Federation; Aurora knew that they had actually made their way to Australia. He didn't ask, and she didn't say – ties had been cut brutally between them when he'd joined the military. Through everything that had happened, they kept their silence and distance, forsaking the eldest son to whatever trials he survived.

When he described meeting Lelouch and Nunnally, Aurora smiled. It had been one of the first pieces of information she'd ever gathered on her own. She'd needed to know what had happened to the prince and princess after their mother's death. Once she'd discovered that they were alright, she'd hoped that the three of them could move on with the rest of their lives. In a way, they all had. It did shock her that Suzaku and Lelouch initially didn't get along, since so much of what happened seemed to have been based on their bond with each other. He laughed at his childish rudeness, at how he had believed Lelouch to be a little monster in fancy clothes because of his birth. He admitted it was foolish; Aurora couldn't help the sad smile at the bittersweet, self-deprecating expression on his face.

When he spoke of the war, he stiffened. She still held his hand, partly to read him and partly as support. Aurora felt his tendons go as tight as steel, but he exerted no extra pressure on her hand. He either had the control, or lacked the strength.

"I'm so sorry, but I couldn't let it happen. The war. My father wanted to fight to the bitter end. To show the world that the Japanese spirit would never die, even when its people had. I was a foolish child, and terrified of what it would mean for the world I had always known. I begged him to change his mind, but why would a leader listen to a boy? So I killed him."

Aurora froze at the words he uttered with a dull, distant look in his eyes.

"What… what do you mean?"

He had looked away when he spoke of his father, but looked back again at her question.

"I mean I rammed a knife into him during an argument. Don't you remember? I told you when I gave you the pin. What right do I have to live when I stole the life of my own father? That's why…" he paled for a moment, then shook his head, as if clearing it of static. "That's why I try so hard to protect others. To possibly redeem myself. If I die for another, I thought that maybe it could pardon me of at least some of my sin."

Aurora was rocked. She'd heard whispers of that sort of thing, but the cover-up must have been top-notch to avoid her attention this long. He must have been so afraid, must have hated himself so intensely. Understanding percolated a little deeper. It was hard to blame a frightened child for an accident, an act of terror and desperation that no doubt had defined his life.

"It's not what you mean."

"What?" Suzaku looked at her blankly.

"It's the simple difference between murder and manslaughter. You didn't mean to, did you?" She spoke quietly, gently.

Suzaku shook his head, frantically.

"No. No! I killed him. I took my father's life because he threatened to drive Japan into the ground with war. It's no excuse, but it's my only reason. I'm guilty. Guilty, Euphie!"

Aurora shrugged, and settled back on her heels even as her heart ached at being called the wrong name.

"You don't… believe me?" He looked stunned.

"No, I believe you. I just don't agree with you. I can't see you as the type of child who would attack someone simply because you quarreled. There's no doubt that what you did was wrong, but I believe that you've paid enough, with your blood and your sorrows. You didn't do it out of malice. You were afraid. Is it wrong to be afraid?" She couldn't know that her words mirrored so closely what he had said long, long ago.

"No, it isn't," Suzaku murmured, his voice dazed. "As long as you don't let that fear consume you."

"You allowed it once. I think it's safe to say you would never allow it again."

"What… are you absolving me?" His incredulous tone made Aurora smile.

"No, I'm not absolving you. I'm forgiving you. There were many times that I wished my father dead, gladly. The only reason I didn't take his life was because I never got the chance. I guess that makes us a pretty despicable breed of people, huh?"

"I guess so," he murmured blankly. He didn't seem to quite compute that her words would have been somewhat out of character for Euphemia. But they'd been the truth for Aurora.

"So what happened? After?"

"Japan was defeated in less than a month. It was over. Lelouch and Nunnally and I were separated. I thought they had died. My actions were hidden, smothered by the claim that my father committed suicide. My family was gone, and my land destroyed. I survived as well as I could, until I was able to join the military in order to earn Honorary Britannian status. I thought it was the best way. I thought that this would mean something. I had gained peace by killing my own father. No matter the grandeur of the goal, it wasn't worth it if you had to destroy lives in order to gain it. I wanted to change the world. I wanted to change it with you, Euphie. But I wanted to change it the right way." His brow furrowed, like something in his brain was being rejected. Then it smoothed, and he trailed his index finger over the fragile skin on the inside of her wrist. Her pulse thudded against his touch.

"Then I saw Lelouch again."

The sweetness was gone, leaving little except the bitter. Aurora could tell that the instinctive reaction puzzled Suzaku; there was something in him that hated the man he'd once considered a friend, but he couldn't yet find the reason for it. He described the search for supposed poison gas, and finding a girl instead. He mentioned it nonchalantly and with little notice, but Aurora could see the way he sacrificed his mask when he believed the gas to be released to protect Lelouch. How many times, she wondered.

How many times had he'd thrown himself into the line of fire? How many times had he thought of others above his own safety? Lelouch had wondered the same once.

Aurora's vivid imagination painted the scene with clarity when Suzaku turned from his commanding officer to deny an order he found contemptible, only to take a bullet to his lower back. His hand stayed still in hers even as he described the old, rending pain – it was quickly becoming apparent that it was old injuries of his soul that affected him so much more strongly than the old injuries of his body.

He spoke of meeting Lloyd, and Ms. Cecille, of accepting the title of the White Knight that set him on a course from where there was simply no return. He told her of his false accusation of Clovis' death that Aurora had all but forgotten in comparison to the firestorm that followed.

And then he spoke of Zero.

Suzaku struggled. She could see his mind fight against what his soul knew. He was lost for words for a moment, and could only manage to say that he refused Zero's offer to join him. But Aurora could see it; he'd known, even then, who Zero was, but refused it in favor of something else. What, she couldn't yet say. It was quickly wiped away however, by a desperate sort of joy.

"After my acquittal, I met you. You're so beautiful, Euphie. When you first fell into my arms, you took my breath away even as you made me laugh. So strangely silly and strong at the same time. And when you ran out into the middle of that battlefield, I didn't know someone could feel such an immense terror." Suzaku laced his fingers with hers. "I thought you were mad when you insisted that I attend Ashford. Or punishing me, somehow. But you were right. You gave me some sense of normalcy in the insanity of our time. I didn't know that I could have friends that way again, with just kindness and laughter. And it brought me back to Lelouch."

She felt his horror during the hotel high-jacking, felt his desperation as he pushed the Lancelot and himself beyond the limits of what everyone thought was possible in that tunnel. The terrifying impotence when he had believed he'd failed. She was glad that he'd found friends that cared for him despite his heritage; that despite all odds, there had been moments when he could just be a kid. Suzaku wasn't able to articulate what he experienced at Narita when he believed that he'd captured Zero, but Aurora could sense the fear, hate, and chaos that had burned in his veins like a rampaging bull, nearly destroying him in the process. She stroked her thumb over his pulse, the beat of blood jerking unevenly as he remembered the pandemonium that had rocketed through his own head.

When Suzaku managed to choke out how a deranged lunatic named Mao was somehow able to know what he had done, he could barely look her in the eye. But since she already knew the truth of his father's death, Aurora saw more the skill and bravery that he had shown in the service of a friend. This Mao character had surfaced ever so briefly in her research, then dropped off the map altogether. She couldn't be sure how he had attained information that she herself hadn't been able to unearth, but Aurora reminded herself that her focus was Suzaku, and not her competitive professional integrity. And anyway, it didn't matter now – she was retired.

"He was right, that monster who kidnapped Nunnally. What could I do in the face of my own truth?"

Aurora felt a rage at a man she'd never known. But it was also hard, swallowing her frustration at Suzaku's apathy towards himself in a bid to drag him back from the edge.

"That's your only truth? The man who willingly gave himself, both body and soul, to the pursuit of a bright new future? So your reason isn't purely saintly; that doesn't make your altruistic actions any less noble."

He looked at her, then cleared his throat. She could read his struggle. The only truth he could grasp was his past; how terrifying that must be.

His in-depth mention of Nunnally and his cursory mention of his brief status as Todoh's executioner told her how comfortable he was with the former and rattled by the latter, and how deeply both affected him. The soft tone of his voice hardened, however, when he spoke of the battle after Todoh's escape, when his identity was revealed to the world. But he smiled when he turned his eyes back to hers.

"I didn't even know when you declared me your knight. I was too caught up in my personal declarations to know of the incredible risk you had taken, and the honor you had bestowed upon me. But when I walked into that palace, I felt like I was walking a razor's edge. I so badly wanted it, but the hatred surrounding me was almost overpowering."

"And yet you accepted anyway. You carried yourself with honor and dignity, and had nothing to be ashamed of." Aurora couldn't help it when her brows rose at the faintest tinge of a blush that rode along Suzaku's cheekbones. So, he still had that in him. Humility. She had wondered if that had been nearly destroyed with the rest of him.

"Then I was so focused on not tripping up the stairs or dropping my sword, I didn't have time for the whispers. If I were to humiliate anyone, it would have been you. And that was simply unacceptable."

Remembering the television broadcast well, it suddenly occurred to Aurora that Suzaku's formal attire as Euphie's knight was the same colors as Zero's guise, except his white stood for black. How odd. Sometimes, she thought the fates had a bit too much fun.

"And then Lloyd started clapping," he murmured with a distant look in his eyes and a half smile. Yes, Asplund, who cared notoriously little for other's opinions, had taken the plunge and applauded Suzaku when no others had. But it had been Dalton's grudging claps that began the wave of reluctant sound.

"As for Shikine…"

She hadn't thought it was possible for him anymore, this yo-yo of joy and pain that rippled through him. But then, this wasn't the present Suzaku. This was a fragment of the man he had been, before he'd lost everything. Hard to blame his mind for shielding itself from its own past as soon as it got the chance. It didn't take much to realize that this was all an aspect of the withdrawal, his mind's first defense against the lack. If it went this far at the initial phase, how much worse would it be when he got more desperate?

"Well, sometimes I'm not even sure myself what happened there. I don't know how he knew so much, but Zero again tried to recruit me, then challenged me in all the ways that mattered. My ideals, and my secrets. Then something strange happened when I trapped Zero, and…"

Aurora had read the reports on the Shikine Island incident. There had been a bizarre inconsistency in the whole matter that smelled of cover-up, or worse. And anytime Schneizel was involved, things were bound to get messy. He'd always been overly fond of winning, with too little regard to the rules, or the cost. And if he could win at another's expense, that just added spice to the glory. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but Aurora felt like they were slowly making their way closer to the truth of it all.

"When I washed up on the shore of Kamine Island, I couldn't remember anything, no matter how hard I tried. It was easier to survive than it was to remember. Then I ran into Kallen." His eyes shifted away from hers, and if Aurora had to guess, it was in embarrassment. "She… well, she didn't…"

Piecing the fragments of information together, she had to fight not to snort in laughter.

"She was naked, wasn't she?"

He just looked away with the most uncomfortable and embarrassed expression ever, and Aurora allowed herself a small chuckle. She'd been right; there was something painfully innocent about Suzaku. Why did that appeal to her?

"It's alright, Suzaku. I'm sure you comported yourself in a most gentlemanly fashion. Go on."

"I suppose you're right, if you consider honesty a chivalrous virtue. I told her about my father. I think I did it in an attempt to make her see the truth, the way it had been forced on me. But her rage went too deep; we came to reluctant terms, but nothing changed. It's hard, Euphie. Seeing so much of your effort bounce off the brick wall of the world. It's all but impossible to seek change when nothing ever changes."

She squeezed her hand against his slackening grip. She could feel the hopelessness bleeding through him, and prayed that she could lend him some sort of strength. She only hoped it didn't have to be a lie. So she told him the deepest truth she knew of him.

"That's why you're so strong, Suzaku." She waited until their eyes met until she continued. "Because you kept your hope. You kept fighting. How many times were you torn apart? How many times has your mind suffered at the hands of others, leaving you with nothing but wreckage? And yet you keep rebuilding yourself. You keep drawing from a source of strength and carrying on. That not only speaks of honor and determination; it speaks of a courage to keep moving, to keep fighting when you would otherwise falter."

"You see too much in me," he whispered.

"I see merely what is there. Exactly who you are." Her quiet words were followed by a poignant silence. Finally, Suzaku shook himself and continued. He needed little prompting now. It would seem that his soul was desperate to share the weight of the rebellion's events, even if his mind needed the excuse of Euphemia's presence. So it had fabricated it.

He was bemused still about his actions after the Hadron cannon fired at him and Zero at Schniezel's command. It was said with such pure puzzlement that Aurora altered the opinion she'd made when first hearing about the incident. After all, the recording had been pretty convincing, if utterly out of character.

"Not that you would listen, of course. Even when I tried to resign my knighthood, you eventually changed my mind. So beautifully stubborn." The reverence and love in his voice made Aurora feel like a sham. Even if she felt the same way as Euphie had then; she understood Suzaku, and respected him exactly as he was. She'd known Euphie's thoughts over a decade ago – it wasn't hard to realize what she had felt three years ago.

"I went into that battle willing to sacrifice my life in order to repair your honor. But it wasn't enough. I only survived that fight because of you. When you…"

Aurora blinked, slightly confused at the expression on his face. What had happened during the Kyushu battle between Suzaku and Euphemia?

"Only you could command a man to love you so kindly, and only I would answer so rotely to something that defined me." His grip on her hand tightened as he laughed a little, his eyes gorgeous and warm; Aurora felt like she was being strangled. She had no right to this, no right to what had blossomed between the two of them in the heat of battle. This had to stop.

"Suzaku, I-"

"I had to hear it from you to believe that my self-loathing was unnecessary. If you loved me, then maybe earning that love would give me worth. And I love you so much."

God, he was lovely. Those beautiful green eyes practically glowed, and with his face in such happy lines, he was the most handsome man Aurora had ever seen.

But she couldn't say it. She couldn't feed him a lie to support his mind. Aurora had never said the words to anyone in her entire life – she couldn't sacrifice her integrity for his peace of mind.

"I know," she whispered faintly, shifting to sit by the bed and resting her cheek on the back of his hand. Even as his brows furrowed, she pushed him on. She caught a flicker of something, a hesitation during those last moments of the battle that made something in him falter. His defenses were weakening. It wouldn't be much longer.

"I didn't mean to collaborate with Zero – it just happened that way."

When Aurora just managed a weak smile, he persisted.

"But what mattered was coming back home to you."

She could only imagine how the two of them had awkwardly fumbled their way to an understanding. It would have been rather adorable, if it wasn't so heartbreaking.

"With you, I had balance, and, for the first time, peace. You had shown me such mercy, that I couldn't help but grant it to others. And then what you planned to do for the Japanese with the Specially Administrative Zone…" His voice grew oddly choked, but he pushed on mercilessly.

"It was wonderful, and perfect. I was so proud of you, so proud that the woman I loved was so strong and compassionate. That day, you were radiant when you faced down Zero and invited him into a new future." His fingers were twitching and Aurora could tell by his posture that Suzaku's shoulder was throbbing. She wanted to tell him, to scream at him. Anything to make him realize the truth and end this horrible charade. When he managed to speak, his voice was weak, shuddering brutally.

"And then…" Suzaku blinked rapidly against the memories that were fighting to break through. Aurora stroked her hand over his before pressing his palm to her cheek. She gazed at him before she spoke, already heartbroken to be losing a loving Suzaku. Already wrecked at what her quest for the truth had cost both of them.

"She died. At Zero's hand." Unbidden, a tear slipped down Aurora's cheek as she said the words he couldn't bring himself to say.

"No, you…"

Aurora stood, holding his gaze with hers as he stuttered through his denial.

"She's been dead for three years, Suzaku. Euphemia is gone. I'm Aurora."

He yanked his hand from hers as the light in his green eyes was doused by realization and understanding, and Aurora stepped back, horrified by the intense agony that she had caused. She had never meant for it to go this far.

"I'm so-"

"What? Sorry? So am I. Sorry that my life died with her. But why? Why did you make me do this?"

She hated herself for the anguish in his voice.

"Because it was the only way you would remember. You had repressed the memories while going through withdrawal. It was the only way. I wish it wasn't." Tears glided down her cheeks as she stepped back, feeling the betrayal rip through her. If she was going to do this, then she might as well tell him the whole truth.

"But I had to know. I need to know what happened, Suzaku. I need to know who Zero was." She pled with her hands, her voice shaking at the need. She took one careful step closer. "Tell me what the Zero Requiem was. Please."

"Get out. Get out!"

The way his voice rocketed from whisper to bellow made Aurora jump, Bannock slinking off the bed down to the rug, where he curled up as small as possible. Suzaku pressed the fingers of his good hand to his eyes. She saw the glint of tears along his lashes, and felt like the worst sort of monster.

"Why do you think I did it? Why do you think I started? I can't live with these memories anymore. I can't live with the knowledge of what I've done and what I've failed to do! You brought me back from the edge I've been striving to gain for years. Why? I can't go on without her. I can't!"

Aurora swiped at the tears on her cheeks, yearning to offer comfort that she already knew would be rejected. She gripped her elbows, wishing that she could shrink into herself under the iron of his gaze. It was too hard to find the courage to disagree with him, to maintain that he could live on without Euphemia. She doubted it would penetrate even if she managed to say the words. Instead, she lifted her hands helplessly before letting them fall.

"I couldn't let you die." It was tiny, helpless whisper.

"Please, leave. Please." He sounded so broken, so defeated, that Aurora couldn't help but obey. She turned to leave, but stopped at the door, wanting to give him something, anything.

"She loved you, you know. So much. I always thought you were worthy. Stay, Ban," she murmured, gesturing for the dog to stay as she carefully shut the door behind her.

Aurora gave him three hours.

She snagged a black windbreaker on her way out and swapped her moccasins for tough, scarred boots. Charging down the stairs on a light tread, she stormed through the kitchen and marched out into the fields. Aurora would have given a year of her life just to feel some fresh air. She hadn't known that memories could actually choke, could thicken the air until it was liquid. Shoving her hands into her pockets, she ducked her head against the soft breeze and her own guilt. The dew quickly soaked the hems of her jeans, clouds the color of pearls dancing teasingly with the warm sun against the bright blue canvas of the sky. Aurora leapt over a stone wall, eyeing the town to the west. She could go for a bit of chat and a pint, but didn't think herself fit for company.

She wished Ban was with her, but someone had to stay with Suzaku, and Aurora really didn't think that he wanted her around. To be honest, she didn't want to be around herself. Aurora knew she should have stopped the confusion long before it ever got that serious, but an objective part of her knew it never would have ended until Suzaku had reached the truth on his own. Still, her part in it wouldn't rest easy.

It took almost half a mile before she could somewhat accept what she had done, and what Suzaku had said. She had always been a person who relied on physicality to work through issues and ideas. It manifested in her usual tapping with fingers or feet, and also in her fit state, due to her regular running and walking.

She skirted around a herd of sheep, cutting through a stand of oaks and birches that were going green with determination. The sea was too far away to hear, but she could very faintly catch the scent of it on the breeze occasionally. She hailed a farmer who waved in return as he rounded up some cattle. As she hiked to the top of a hillock, Aurora paused, surveying the unearthly green of the landscape that rolled and tumbled across the rugged little island. It was so stunning and simple.

It was easy to lose the time here. A few minutes spent sitting under an ash bled easily into an hour. If not for the pocket watch she had tucked into her inside jacket pocket, her only warning would have been the impending sunset. Aurora stood, swiping at the damp on the seat of her jeans before setting off at a jog. She vaulted the stone walls easily, covering the distance with a ground-eating stride.

By the time she returned to the house, Aurora was panting and her mind was settled. They'd come this far. All of Suzaku's pain and revelations would be worth nothing if they stopped now. If she hated herself, then that was something she would wrestle with later.

She took time to deposit her jacket and collect herself. There was a bit of cowardice that she had to swallow first, though. Finally, Aurora squeezed her eyes shut and straightened her spine. Opening them, she stepped out of her room and across the hallway to his. Never had that tiny distance seemed so huge. She raised her hand to knock, but faltered for a moment. Tightening her jaw, she rapped gently twice.

When there was no response, she wasn't sure how to continue. Easing the door open, she entered slowly, only to find Suzaku drowsing. Considering the emotional turmoil he'd just gone through, it wasn't surprising that he had burned out. Ban lay next to the bed; it would seem that he hadn't quite worked up the nerve to return to his place on the comforter yet.

Aurora sat in the rocking chair, setting it into motion with the tip of her toes. Finally, she couldn't take it; halting the chair, she leaned forward, and touched Suzaku's wrist gently, soft as butterfly feet. His lashes fluttered open, and awareness dawned almost immediately, his green eyes shuttered. Aurora found herself speaking before she'd quite realized it.

"I'm sorry. I know you don't want to hear that, but it's all I have to offer. I shouldn't have perpetuated your disorientation, but I didn't have the heart to tell you of her death and I was afraid you'd never accept it until you realized the truth for yourself. The last possible thing I want is to hurt you further. You've been hurt enough."

Suzaku's gaze still saw her to the bone, but it didn't condemn her openly.

"Why do you want to know? It's the past; what happened then can't change now."

So accustomed to telling secrets about her own history, Aurora struggled with what she could and couldn't tell him.

"There are questions that I need answered. Questions that have troubled me for some years now. It would mean a great deal to know the truth."

He tilted his head slightly, a considering light blooming in his eyes.

"Who are you?"

Aurora forced the smile.

"That is the question." After biting her lip for a moment, she continued. "Could we perhaps compromise?"

A brow lifted as he shifted in the bed, clearly still in a great deal of pain.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Tell me what happened. The truth, please. Then I'll explain to you my interest. I only hope both of us can live with what we learn."

Suzaku looked at her, then sighed as deeply as his damaged ribs would allow. He then nodded, and continued the tale.

So much of his young life had been consumed by battle. He'd seen more combat than most seasoned soldiers. Did he have any inkling of how to live a normal life anymore?

He spoke of revenge with a tired sort of resignation. It was unsurprising, the way his mind had jumped from grief to vengeance. But what rattled Aurora was the depth of it. He had felt it so deeply; every aspect of his love for Euphemia had been engulfed by this burning drive to avenge her death. It was sad, that he sacrificed the memory of Euphie to his hate.

She could tell by the way he said it that he was ashamed now of assaulting Lloyd. Not that he hadn't deserved it, baiting Suzaku at such a time, but as with any flicker of gentler emotion he allowed her to see, it gave Aurora hope.

But she'd watched the footage. It hadn't taken much to dig up the classified tapes of the battle. Aurora knew that in the first fight for Tokyo, Suzaku had been a relentless force on par with a hurricane. He'd lost his grace and determination in favor of rage and power, hacking through the Black Knights like they were stalks of wheat. Even three years ago, Aurora had been able to see the incredible pain underneath the unstoppable fury.

During his confrontation with Kallen, he'd seemed like an entirely different person. Aurora realized the depth of what he meant when he said that he couldn't live without Euphemia; a very important part of him had died with her. He'd been a rabid wolf out for blood, and no matter who got in his way, his search for Zero couldn't be swayed. The way he spoke now, he seemed to regret the way he'd threatened Kallen, but said it with a strange detachment that confirmed what Aurora thought. As time had passed, it seemed more and more like it had been a different person piloting the Lancelot that night. But the question was, had he grown past the hate, or shuttled it around his soul until it sank in, spreading through him like a disease?

She was surprised he hadn't torn his way out of the Lancelot once it had been disabled, like an animal wrenching itself free of a trap, no matter the injuries it inflicted on itself. But, as always, there was a part of him she held out hope for. A part that surrendered for his friends, that took heart in the determined protection of his cat. A part that ran to Cornelia's aid, that followed her commands with the loyalty of a soldier.

But at Kamine… Standing before him was his purpose, with his back against the wall and smelling of fear. Suzaku had felt righteous, and a little bit afraid. But that never would have stopped him.

"I shot off his mask. Cracked it like a bowl." His eyes went unfocused, sliding into the morass of the past like quicksand.

"Suzaku," Aurora breathed, utterly entrapped in the tale. "Who's Zero?"

He focused back on her slowly.

"It was Lelouch."

Aurora didn't speak for a moment. She merely leaned back in her chair before resting her hand on her throat, as if trying to urge the air locked in her lungs out. When she blinked, Suzaku could see it was against tears.

All her research, all her digging, had never made her consider Lelouch. Suzaku had known. But out of love for his friend, he had refused to believe until it had been proven. Then it was, brutally so. She pressed a shaking hand to her mouth as she sniffed. When Aurora quickly stood, she recognized in a distant part of her mind that she had made Suzaku concerned. He held out his hand even as he propped himself up on his elbow, wincing a little at the ache.

"Aurora-"

She managed a choked chuckle that did little to mask her distress and pain.

"It's alright, Suzaku. I'm just… I just need a moment. It's all a bit shocking. I'm going to prepare us dinner." She paused at the top of the stairs, vaguely wishing that her fascination with the truth had never pushed them so far. When the tears dripped from her chin, she clattered down the steps, setting about the task of making sandwiches with a wild sort of desperation. She had to stop, though, when she needed a moment. Bracing her hands against the counter, Aurora bowed her head, allowing her sorrow to bubble to the surface for a moment.

Lelouch had killed Euphemia, and so many others. He had done the unforgiveable to achieve the impossible. He had paid for his actions with his death, a execution that Aurora suspected was designed by the executed. It wasn't difficult to extrapolate out the possibilities, and as she glanced at the ceiling, Aurora feared for what she had yet to learn.

But there was no turning back now. If Suzaku could reveal such a history, then she could at least return the courtesy in kind. Perhaps then, the uncertainty that had been haunting her since she'd watched the television broadcast of Lelouch's death could finally be freed.

Part one of the series recap. I'm re-watching it with my newly purchased DVD's to get a really accurate feel. There are parts of the series that really struck me as having a particular impact on Suzaku. There are an obvious few, but there are also some that I wanted to mention from his p.o.v. I am terribly sorry if anyone's bored by the recap of the series, but I want to be sure that Aurora understands; that everyone understands. What happened before has such an incredible bearing on how this entire story plays out.

Before someone jumps down my throat for taking extraordinary artistic liberties about his younger brothers and mom, you will recall that during his interrogation for Clovis' death, Gottwald mentions that Suzaku is the eldest son of the former Prime Minister, not the only. Considering his relationship with Nunnally, I didn't feel that a younger sister with whom he had no contact played. So I gave him two younger brothers that he didn't get along with terribly well and a mother who knew what he'd done and was unable to forgive him for that, and for joining with the Britannians. It would also explain a little bit his defensiveness initially with Lelouch.

Otherwise, I'm pretty happy with this chapter. I would love some feedback as to how this all rings with someone else, but I'm rather satisfied with how the realization played out. I'm really glad most of it survived from when it dawned in the shower (Most of my dialogue is run through in the shower. Don't ask me why; it just happens there).

After the next few chapters, poor Suzaku is going to get some mobility. I know he's been stuck in that damn room for a while, and I'm pretty psyched to get him up and moving. Aurora and Suzaku will be getting a bit of a break from their one-on-one time. It's been pretty intense, to say the least. Big things happening next chapter, and then the second half of the series recap.

Hope you like it!

Love, Tango