Every few days, Aurora would sit down to her slim black laptop in the kitchen and spend a solid half hour doing whatever it was she was doing. She was always very intent, the expression on her face one Suzaku had seen all too often over the years of briefings and councils, surrounded by generals and soldiers and those of exceptional power. It was the absorption of important information, the careful assessment of risk and threat. As she went through her usual ritual of steady clicking followed by lengthy periods of reading, Suzaku watched her as he worked with charcoal at the kitchen table. Since her hands kept catching his attention, he entertained himself by sketching strong knuckles and long, lithe fingers which seemed to be in perpetual motion.
Subtle emotion occasionally flickered over her face, but it was all but impossible to decipher what she was thinking by expression alone. She was far more sphinx-like than Lelouch had ever been, almost to the level of Schneizel. Finally, when she closed the lid of the computer, Suzaku couldn't quite swallow the question that had been swirling through his mind ever since he's woken up still swimming through pain killers, addiction, and mind-crushing pain.
"Any press conferences?"
"Sorry?" Aurora murmured, looking up to meet his eyes from where she'd been tracing the logo on the laptop lid.
"Has Nunnally given any press conferences about my… about Zero's disappearance?" he clarified, doodling in the corner of the page as he carefully watched Aurora's expression. Before she spoke, he knew what her answer would be, her eyes apologetic.
"No. She's been very tight-lipped. All she's said is that Zero is currently on a diplomatic/investigative long-term global mission. Fancy way of saying that Zero is supposed to be out there somewhere, so don't fuck around, because he could be in just about any country's back yard. It's actually a pretty effective stop gag."
Suzaku's nod was sharp and definitive, like the breath of relief he loosed.
"Good. Then she's following the contingency we put in place."
"You told her to do this?" Aurora asked, her mouth twisted in bemusement like a woman reluctantly impressed.
"Lelouch set up contingencies for nuclear winters and EMP's. We used the framework of the policies he wrote for the Black Knights, and Nunnally and I decided what we would do in any manner of emergency. And she's doing exactly what we planned on regarding my unexplained absence. I just feel ridiculous for having to put her through this in the first place."
"Oh, yes. Mighty inconvenient of you, getting shot like that."
Suzaku struggled against the smile that wanted to tip across his mouth – Aurora didn't try nearly as hard, the grin blooming across her face like the moon over meadows of summer grass.
"So what was the plan, exactly, if Zero just up and disappeared?" she asked once her face was again composed.
"Admit to nothing," Suzaku listed off with practiced conditioning as he stroked out the lines of the horses he'd seen on his walk the other day, glossy beasts who had taken one look at him standing at their fence and immediately put on a show. Running leaps and wild bucks, trumpeting whinnies and playful snorts. Beautiful examples of eager, wholesome life. "Be careful not to give dissenters any leverage. Hold out until definitive information can be gathered, or a year had passed. Not even Lelouch could hold radio silence beyond a year."
"Can Nunnally?"
Suzaku didn't really have to think it over – he'd spent years in Nunnally's shadow, watching her progress from a fragile, well-bred child to the stronghold of an empire in a world still recovering from war.
"Nunnally could probably hold them at bay for two years, but it'd do more damage to keep it up than give some version of an explanation at that point. She knows what to do, and how to hold the jackals at bay. At least until I can get back."
"I just can't picture it. The Nunnally I knew was… delicate," Aurora finished politely. Suzaku just laughed lightly.
"Not anymore. She doesn't need to be aggressive to get her way, but she damn well gets her way. It's hard on her, but she meets the challenge head on."
"I'd expect nothing less from our littlest sister. Lelouch would be proud." Aurora said with a low laugh and a gleaming smile.
"She is the best of her brother. He's not the only one who's proud." Suzaku loved that girl more than he'd ever loved either of his brothers.
"I wish I could see her again. She's changed so much. We both have." For some reason, Aurora didn't just look wistful; she looked heartbroken. Suzaku thought to ask why, but quickly swallowed the words. It was the same reason why he hadn't yet asked to contact Nunnally – something, somewhere had been compromised. It was the only explanation for a kill order on Zero undertaken by Britannian soldiers. Until he could return in full, his weakened state could be a threat to Nunnally.
And Aurora, with her checkered past and hefty price on her head, could get herself killed or Nunnally yanked neck-deep into a scandal if the public became aware of even a fraction of her connections or compromises. Idly, Suzaku thought to himself that family ties were supposed to last a lifetime – why was it that the two of them had been stripped of theirs before a couple of decades?
"Would you do anything to get it back?" Suzaku breathed before he could stop himself, not intending to voice the question that was permanently lodged in his subconscious. He was a little taken aback to realize that Aurora was considering the question he'd never meant to ask before he could take it back.
"To get them all back? If the Emperor was gone, I suppose I would. Go back to a time when I had Lelouch and Nunnally, Euphemia and Cornelia. Even Schneizel. Even Guinivere and, God forbid, Odysseus. But not even for them would I live under Charles' thumb again. I am no sacrificial lamb to be slaughtered on the altar of his ambition."
Until that moment, Suzaku had never quite comprehended the depth of the peril Aurora had faced in the court of her father until her steady voice, like an autumn wind scented with the smoke of danger, slid through the air. Clearing her throat and shifting slightly, the intensity in her eyes shifted from assertive to pensive.
"And you? Would you go back? Do it over, fix what was broken?"
Initially, Suzaku didn't respond. He couldn't. He'd asked, and answered this question to himself a million times, but never before had it found life in sound.
"Yes," he said with precise certainty. "But not for my family. And I wouldn't go back to when Lelouch and Nunnally were with me. Lelouch was already set on a course that would change everything. Something was irrevocably broken in him before we ever met. But if I could return to a time when they were safe. When Euphemia had a chance, then yes. I'd sacrifice our time together if it meant she would survive." He spoke very clearly, but Suzaku could feel a prickling against the back of his eyes.
For a moment, Aurora was utterly silent, staring at him like he'd suddenly turned to glass. A sheen of moisture stole over her eyes, like dew over silver-veined lapis. She laughed a little helplessly, her voice slightly choked and her face completely devoid of humor as she traced her fingertips over her brows.
"What is it?" Suzaku asked, picking up the piece of charcoal he'd set down when Aurora had first mentioned Nunnally, slowly tracing out the beginnings of the oak that had shaded the corner of the horses' pasture. Aurora shook her head, and Suzaku pressed again. Finally she shrugged.
"You're the most selfless person I know."
Something about her tone had Suzaku narrowing his eyes.
"Why do you say that like it's not necessarily a good thing?"
"Because it's really not in your case."
He tilted his head, helplessly curious to hear what she meant. He'd heard the same things about his qualities all his life, even from her. But this was different.
"You're very good at taking care of others, Suzaku. Always eager to step into the line of fire, be the human shield. But that also means you're exceptionally bad at taking care of yourself."
His eyes widened at Aurora's words, still absorbing what she'd said when she continued.
"Who do you think you would be, if you'd never met Euphemia?"
"I'd be an emptier man. But maybe a healthier one."
Aurora just quirked a brow, and he conceded with a huff.
"Alright, probably. But there's no going back, is there? No do-overs, no second chances." His tone shifted from chuckling concession to a cool emptiness before he could control it.
"Just because something can't be undone doesn't mean you can't have another chance. Nothing is truly taken from us until death or defeat. And defeat is only secured through our consent."
Before Suzaku could flounder under the weight of her words, before the tears in Aurora's eyes could fall, she flattened her palms against the table on either side of the laptop.
"Do you want some cookies?"
He stared at her, and started to laugh, helplessly. It got louder and louder, and Suzaku pressed his fingers against his temples, cackling into his drawings as the charcoal stub between his fingers marked his scalp. Aurora snickered quietly, her mouth curled even as the fragile skin under her eyes, shadowed by long lashes and a restless night, grew damp.
"Yes. Damn, Aurora, I would love some cookies."
The lovely AISmash pointed out an aspect I hadn't yet addressed, so I took a brief detour from my calendar to rectify that. This time period is something of an isolated fairy tale for these two, but they're not unaware of what's going on out there in the big, bad world. Their inaction has a reason. I have been going through some crazy life stuff recently (new job, cattle drive, personal stuff), which is why this teeny chapter took so bloody long. We will now be returning to our regularly scheduled programming. Because I have stuff I'm dying to write waiting in the wings.
Oh, and that line about death and defeat? That's something I told one of the kids I give lessons to. I thought it was appropriate.
Please review, starshines.
Hope you like it!
Love, Tango