He didn't sleep a wink all night.
Not that Kristoff cared.
They were still in the small courtyard where Anna had her "discussion" with Grand Pabbie. Despite what Anna thought, she didn't have complete privacy. Kristoff was too worried about her to stay away. She wasn't acting like herself at all.
First, she had that huge blow-up with Elsa.
Not that Anna would necessarily explain what the argument was about.
Then she insisted on meeting with Grand Pabbie. She refused to tell him what her reasons were. She would only say that she was angry with the leader of the trolls and that she wanted answers. Kristoff didn't like being kept in the dark.
Nothing he said or did would sway her or calm her down.
Anna wasn't acting like herself.
Then again, she'd been acting odd ever since Elsa moved to the Enchanted Forest. While Anna tried to act like her usual, cheerful self, Kristoff knew something was wrong.
His suspicions were confirmed when Anna retreated to her room.
Following their stroll on the palace grounds.
Kristoff also didn't like how Anna was so suspicious of the trolls. He refused to believe they'd done anything wrong. They took him in when no one else would. For years, Kristoff and Sven were on their own following the tragic demise of his parents.
Even his fellow ice harvesters wouldn't take him in.
The trolls gave him a home and a makeshift family.
Grand Pabbie became the father figure he desperately needed. The female troll who wanted to take him in became the mother figure he needed. The trolls gave him food, clothing, shelter and most importantly, love.
They were good creatures.
He refused to believe they were evil.
Unbeknownst to Anna and Grand Pabbie, Kristoff secretly followed them and hid behind the oak tree to overhear their conversation. He had no doubt that normally Grand Pabbie would have sensed his presence. But it was clear the troll was too preoccupied with Anna's uncharacteristic behavior to sense anything out of the ordinary.
Kristoff was stunned by what he overheard.
He couldn't believe that ANNA was the one who got her memories removed.
Kristoff remembered witnessing this as a child, but he never made the connection between the incident and the Arendellian royal family. He felt like a right idiot for not realizing the truth sooner. He waited until Grand Pabbie left before confronting Anna.
FLASHBACK
"Anna!" Kristoff rushed over to her.
Rather than get angry, Anna returned his embrace with an alarming desperation.
She clutched at his shirt with ever tightening fingers as she did her best to suppress her sobs. Anna didn't even seem to be furious that he overheard her conversation with Grand Pabbie. She clung to Kristoff as if he were a lifeline. He wrapped his arms around her.
"It's okay, Anna. I'm here." Kristoff said.
She didn't say anything for a few minutes.
Now Kristoff knew that something was wrong with her. It wasn't like Anna to be so silent as normally, she chattered like a chipmunk.
But something was definitely wrong.
And it couldn't be just about Grand Pabbie and his machinations.
Kristoff pushed aside his rising anger at his father figure. Right now, only his fiancée mattered. Gently, he led her over to the nearby bench and helped her sit down.
He whispered comforting words into her ear as he gathered her head under his chin.
He started rubbing soothing circles on her back.
Kristoff started removing his arms to adjust his grip, but apparently, Anna thought he was letting her go. Instead, she clung to his shirt even tighter. "Don't let go."
Even her voice sounded weak and fragile.
Kristoff gritted his teeth. Grand Pabbie was going to pay for this.
Instead, Kristoff put their arms back in their original position and rested his chin on the top of her head. Anna stared downwards, not really focusing on anything in particular as she struggled to regain control over her inner turmoil.
For a while, all they could hear were the chirping of crickets.
In the night sky, dusk was slowly fading as evening set in.
"Come on, Anna." Kristoff pleaded. "Talk to me. Please, tell me what's wrong?"
"Grand Pabbie explained it already." Anna said bitterly, confirming his suspicions that she knew he overheard everything. Kristoff gently shook his head, ever mindful of his chin resting on top of hers.
"No, there's more to it than that." Kristoff insisted. "You talked about Elsa, too."
"Grand Pabbie confirmed my suspicions." was all Anna would say.
"No." Kristoff said, even as he inwardly winced at how hollow and wooden her voice sounded. "You mentioned something about lacking a purpose."
Kristoff knew he hit pay dirt when he felt her flinch against him.
He suppressed his impatience.
With how emotionally fragile and vulnerable Anna was right now, he knew that he had to let her set the pace. He didn't want to chase her away. Or whatever was bothering her would only continue to eat her up inside. He knew that from past experience.
There were times the trolls had to persuade him to open up.
Finally, his patience paid off.
Slowly, haltingly, Anna explained what happened before her little discussion with Grand Pabbie. Just as he suspected, it all started during their stroll on the palace grounds.
It was something Olaf said that set her off:
"You know, I've been reading about human emotions in the library." Olaf said cheerfully. "You humans are so complex. But I'm still confused about what each emotion truly means. Gerda tried to explain them so me, but I don't get it. I mean, they are some that I understand. I think I comprehend anger. I certainly felt a strong rush of emotion when Elsa lured Anna and me into a hug, only so she could send us hurling into danger in an icy canoe..."
Kristoff suppressed a curse.
There were times when he couldn't stand how clueless Olaf still tended to be.
It was almost like a dam was being opened. Or it was being destroyed by many rocks hurled by various earth giants, he thought sardonically. Once Anna started talking, she couldn't stop. Like the floodgates were being released. He could barely comprehend what she was saying sometimes, as she started to trip over her words. Anna had to take several deep breaths to calm herself at various points so that she could repeat herself more slowly and continue.
Angry tears poured like rivers down her cheeks.
Kristoff handed her a handkerchief.
He didn't wince as she had to blow her nose several times. She was sobbing so hard, she started hiccupping at various points. Eventually, Anna was able to relay what she was thinking and her argument with Elsa. When she was done, Anna blew her nose again.
She looked fragile, exhausted and emotionally drained.
Completely and utterly drained.
At that moment, Kristoff couldn't decide who he was angrier with, Elsa or Grand Pabbie. If only Anna didn't realize that she was dealing with years of suppressed emotion on the same day Elsa was due to come for Charades.
She wouldn't have had an argument with her sister if she had time and distance to process her negative thoughts and emotions.
Unfortunately for Elsa, it was simply a case of bad timing.
But that didn't excuse her actions or what she said to Anna.
True, Anna and Olaf wouldn't have been able to survive the initial trip to Ahtohallan. Anna even admitted it. Elsa already told them how turbulent the Dark Sea was when SHE tried to cross it and that was before the Nokk spirit was tamed.
It was HOW Elsa "sent" Anna and Olaf to safety that Kristoff had issue with.
Sending them away on a speedy canoe was NOT his definition of safe!
Another thing that bothered Kristoff was that Elsa didn't respond to what Anna was thinking or feeling during their argument. He didn't know if this was due to her naturally reserved personality, or if it was the product of a childhood in enforced isolation.
There seemed to be an...emotional disconnect with Elsa.
It was almost like she couldn't comprehend what Anna was feeling, the pain she was in. As if there was a giant, emotional block between her and the rest of the world.
"Anna, you can't possibly think that you don't have a purpose." Kristoff said finally after a lengthy silence.
"That's just it, Kristoff." Anna rose to her feet and started to pace. She wiped at her eyes and cheeks with the unused sections of the handkerchief. "It's like I told Grand Pabbie. Before the accident, I would encourage Elsa. Help her explore her abilities. Then, we were forced apart for thirteen years. When we awkwardly reunited and after her powers were revealed, I had go to on that journey to bring her home and unfreeze Arendelle. Then, I spent the next three years trying to reconnect with her and cheer her up whenever her fears and doubts started to resurface. Then Elsa heard Mother's voice and we went to the Enchanted Forest. Eventually, Elsa realized her purpose: to become the Fifth Spirit, the bridge between humanity and magic." She whirled around. "Don't you see, Kristoff? My whole life was spent either trying to help Elsa or reconnect with her. She knows her place in the world. I don't."
"Anna, you're Queen of Arendelle!"
"Kristoff, I don't even know if I want the crown." Anna resumed pacing.
"What?" Kristoff said.
"Elsa just gave me the crown." Anna said. "She didn't even ask me. She just did it."
"Anna, she gave you the crown because she knew that you would make an excellent queen." Kristoff protested.
"No, she did it so that she could run off to the Enchanted Forest." Anna said.
"Anna, she's the Fifth Spirit." Kristoff said.
"I know." Anna wiped at her eyes impatiently. "But couldn't she fulfill her duties in Arendelle? She didn't have to give up the crown. People thought she was a wonderful queen. Why did she have to leave me behind? I...I don't feel worthy of the crown, Kristoff."
"Anna." Kristoff was horrified. "You can't mean that."
"I do." Anna said.
"Anna, you listen to me." Kristoff joined her. He stopped her from pacing by gently grasping her arms and turning her around to face him. "You are an excellent queen. The people in Arendelle love you. I love you. Everyone thinks you're doing a great job."
"Am I?" Anna said. Her eyes welled up again. "The only thing I'm good at is driving people away."
"What?" Kristoff asked blankly.
"Mother and Father didn't want me around." Anna said. "They always pushed me away when I wanted to play. I didn't mean to get in the way. I didn't want to be a bother. The servants acted the same way. Elsa kept telling me to leave whenever I knocked on her door." She stepped away from Kristoff so that she could walk over to the pond, wrapping her arms around her stomach as she gazed mournfully into the watery depths. "I couldn't handle the pain, Kristoff. I know I appear cheerful and happy-go-lucky, but I'm as human as anyone else. So, I hid behind a mask, determined to smile despite the pain. I kept up that mask even when Elsa announced her intentions to move to the Enchanted Forest for good. I pretended that I understood and accepted her decision. I told myself that I couldn't be selfish and hold her back. I kept on smiling...until I couldn't play pretend anymore."
"Mental note." Kristoff thought. "Add Elsa, Agnarr and Iduna's names to the list of people I want to strangle."
"My whole life revolved around Elsa somehow." Anna went on. "I spent so much time helping her, devoted so much of my time and energy to her, I don't know who I am."
"Anna." Kristoff couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"I know I sound jealous and childish, but it was always about Elsa." Anna said. "Not only was she the Crown Princess, Mother and Father were preoccupied with her and her powers. Then we had to bring her back to Arendelle, help her control her powers and eventually help her realize her destiny as the Fifth Spirit. I was reduced to being her emotional rock and support, as Grand Pabbie so eloquently put it." She added with gritted teeth. Her momentary bout of anger and resentment came and went. "I was always reduced to the background, being nothing more than a spare, the supportive role. My entire life, I was in Elsa's shadow...I still am. Don't you understand? I'm nothing."
"That's not true!" Kristoff protested.
"Isn't it?" Anna said tearfully. "The only reason I received the crown is because Elsa didn't want it anymore. What is wrong with me, Kristoff? What is it about me that people despise so much? I just want someone to love me, Kristoff. To want me around. It's why I was so eager to accept Hans' proposal. With everyone else in my life pushing me away, books became my companions. Especially books about fairy tales, damsels in distress and dashing knights and handsome princes. The portraits became my companions, especially the ones featuring couples in romantic scenes. To me, finding my true love was my escape, a ticket out of my lonely world."
"Anna." Kristoff walked up to her and hugged her from behind. She stiffened in his embrace before relaxing. "Now you listen to me. You are the most courageous, spunkiest and amazing woman I've ever met. It didn't matter what dangers we faced: going up the North Mountain, Elsa's powers, Marshmallow, the Enchanted Forest or the earth giants. You faced those dangers head-on. Lesser men would have choked and collapsed like a house of cards. It didn't matter what obstacle you faced. You kept going. You refused to give up on Elsa when you wanted to bring her back to Arendelle. You found the fortitude, the strength to emerge from that cave to lure the earth giants to the dam. You refused to give up in the face of overwhelming odds, Anna. THAT is the woman I fell in love with. And THAT is the woman who is proving herself to be an excellent queen for Arendelle."
END FLASHBACK
It was too much for Anna.
She turned around and began sobbing in his arms again.
Eventually, the events of the day caught up with her and Anna cried herself to sleep. Kristoff lifted her and carried her over to the marble bench. He used her cape to drape across the bench so that she would have something comfortable to sleep on.
Anna's sleep was anything but peaceful.
She would toss and turn, muttering under her breath.
Her eyes were still swollen from crying and her cheeks were blotchy and red from her sobbing fits. Even though Kristoff didn't get a wink of sleep, he didn't feel exhaustion.
All he felt was anger.
All he could think was: "Elsa...Grand Pabbie, you have a LOT of explaining to do."