I'm nervous. Why am I nervous? I shouldn't be nervous. This is what I want. What WE want. What we both decided, together.
A simple hang out between friends, to have fun and forget all the awkwardness brought forth by Viola's well meaning meddling. Or "aggressive teasing" should be the right term for it. I don't think I've ever met someone so effortlessly gifted at making people reconsider their own feelings.
She caused quite a stir between her daughter and I. But perhaps, tonight might just be the right moment to prove her wrong. Either that, or make Meg realize that she can do much, MUCH better. I have a plan (sort of. Okay, not really, my plan is to go in and wing it, like usual) and if everything goes well, we will finally be back to some semblance of normalcy. Wouldn't that be just swell?
Still doesn't change the fact that I'm really bloody nervous right about now. It's to the point that even Julie drops the teasing and actually asks me if I'm okay. She looks really pretty in that dark purple dress of hers. The choice was between it and a white one, but she knows that white isn't her color. Frank is about to be a very happy dude later, when he'll come pick her up.
"Are you sure? I was joking earlier at school, you don't have to come if you don't want to".
"It's fine Jules. I have to go… there's something that I have to fix. Someone that I have to help…"
Am I even actually helping, in this case? I have my doubts. But at this point, I'm too committed to back down. I've gotta see this to the end, however it ends up going.
My sister doesn't look pleased with my response.
"Again?! How many burdens are you going to take upon your shoulders, Jason?! How do you expect to enjoy yourself, or even live properly, when you're just… so obsessed with playing hero?!"
I sigh. She's right. Of course she's right. But I can't back down from this. Not anymore.
"Just this last one, sis. After this… I'll stop trying to fix everyone's problems. This is extremely important, though. You can't make me change my mind".
"Promise?"
"I promise. Just… please. Let me do this one last attempt. I have to make sure that Meg will be fine without me. I worked hard for it, you know?"
Did I? It sure doesn't feel like it… once again, I'm deluding myself. Shocker, I know.
I smirk and she laughs.
"Fine! Fine… if you're sure that you're on the right track. I don't know this girl as well as you do… but what I do know is something that all of us women hate. And that is, when somebody else thinks that they know what's best for us. So, make sure to ask what she thinks, before making any weird decisions, okay?"
I leave the house with my sister's words buzzing in my head. Normally, I would agree… but in this case, I do know best. I know that she only sees a fraction of the real Jason Kostenko. She doesn't know what I've done. What I haven't done… and the people that I hurt.
And hopefully she will never have to know. Ignorance is bliss, after all.
I adjust my own dark blue tux (goes well with my eyes, Susie told me when she accompanied me to go shopping for it, a week or so ago. She's a painter, so it makes sense that she has a good eye for color coordination) for the upteenth time, while I ring the doorbell of Meg's home.
It takes a couple of minutes, but eventually I hear the sounds of wheels stopping in front of the door, which opens up to reveal Viola.
I almost gasp. She's basically almost unrecognizable. She's even thinner than before, her hair is starting to fall off quickly, and her skin is taking a sickly yellow color.
"Oh Jason! My my, you clean up very well! What a handsome gentleman…"
She's probably still going to talk, so I quickly enter and close the door, so that she doesn't get cold, on top of stopping her obviously.
Meg did tell me that she was starting to get worse… but I never imagined that I would see her like this. It appears that reality didn't really sink in up until now.
"Viola! You should be in bed! What are you doing here?!"
The woman tries to shush me, but it's too late and I hear Meg's angry voice coming from upstairs.
"Mom! Did you get out of bed?! I can't believe you, I told you that I had everything under control!"
The subject of my friend's ire rolls her eyes.
"Oh please! You're still getting ready, and I wasn't about to let this strapping young man out in the cold! We're in the middle of winter in case you forACKH!"
Panic rolls in when she starts coughing up a storm.
"Viola, please don't…!"
"MOM?! ARE YOU OKAY?! I'm coming down!"
"Don't! Stay up there and keep on getting prepared! Don't you dare come here before then, young lady!"
"Mom, don't be stubborn!"
Viola gives me a pleading look, begging me with her eyes to support her. And… I can't refuse a sickly old woman like this.
"Don't worry Meg, I'll look after her in the meantime! I've got this!"
Silence stretches for a second.
"Are you sure? Really, I can…"
"Oh, zip it daughter! If Jason says that he'll help me, then he will! You only think about dolling up properly! I haven't gifted you that dress only to end up having it wasted, you know!"
"Mom, I…!"
"Meg. It's fine. I'm here. Nothing bad will happen to Viola while I'm here, okay?"
My friend eventually sighs.
"R-Right. Can I count on you, then?"
I smile, even if she can't see me.
"Always".
She doesn't answer and I don't hear footsteps rushing down. I guess that we're in the clear then.
"Come on then Viola. Let's get you back to bed while I make some hot milk with honey. Should help with that nasty cough of yours…"
I push her wheelchair back in the living room, where a bed has been temporarily placed.
"Thank you, sweetheart. But you don't have to go that far…"
Another round of coughing. I shake my head once she was done.
"Nonsense. I promised that I would take care of you, so that's what I'm going to do. Get comfortable, it will only be a minute…"
I help the poor woman in bed, after which I head into the kitchen to heat up some milk with honey. I am not prepared for this. Meg likely isn't prepared for this, even with all the forewarning.
We knew that Viola's condition was only bound to get worse… and we're still caught off guard when it actually ends up happening.
I grip the kitchen counter tightly, gritting my teeth, once again cursing at the unfairness of it all. Meg will be fine, with time. She has friends now. Good friends, starting with Nea all the way to most of the Track Team. They'll take care of her. I made sure that they would. But I still feel like I failed.
Logically, I know that doesn't make sense. Viola's… departure is inevitable. There is nothing that anyone can do about it. I'm not a God… I'm not the Entity or any other supernatural being. I'm just… me.
A mortal. A kid. There's no way that anyone can say that I'm responsible for this.
But I still feel like it. Meg's mother cannot be saved… and that knowledge is killing me inside. Maybe that's why I'm trying so hard to help, right now… a sick sense of fake responsibility, spurred on by the fact that she is someone that I can't help, no matter what.
In no time flat, the milk is ready and I bring it to Viola, who is currently being wrecked by another coughing episode.
"Here. Careful, it's still hot…"
She takes it gratefully, immediately gulping down a small sip.
"Ahhh… much better. Thank you, sweetheart, you are way too kind…"
Kind… yeah, sure. Let's go with that.
I take a seat while Viola keeps on sipping her milk, in silence. But, this being one of the most chaotic people I've ever met, the peace doesn't last long.
"It seems that I just cannot stop being in your debt, do I?"
I blink at that statement.
"I just heated up some milk and added a spoonful of honey. That hardly counts as a debt…"
She laughs.
"I don't mean the milk, even if it is much appreciated. No… this is still about my daughter. She told me that she now has a… group. This last month, she would go out multiple times a week, to meet up with people that she called 'potential friends, maybe'. And somehow… I feel like this is, once again, due to some tampering on your end, isn't it?"
"Aaahhhh… not… really? I didn't do much, in this case…"
And that's the hard truth that I struggle to grasp. I like to think that I managed to push Meg into making friends… but that's not true. Nea said it herself, when she joined the team almost two months ago…
"I wanted to get to know her anyway, even without your input…"
Nea didn't need me to ask. With or without me, she would have still waltzed up to Meg and annoyed her until she gave in. They would have become friends anyway, and the rest of the Track Team would have followed along, once they saw that the redhead wasn't some snotty, unapproachable queen of thorns or something.
All of my effort… was wasted. I worried myself to death for nothing. Which is… good, I suppose, but it does leave me somewhat… disappointed, I suppose?
Huh… I do have an ego then. Never thought I'd see the day. What a shitty situation to realize that…
I groan, while palming my face.
"Jason? What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I just… realized that I spent several sleepless nights for nothing…"
Viola laughs at that.
"And that's nothing to be ashamed of. It just means that you care. That Meg is important to you, in whatever light you see her. And on that end… I believe I need to apologize".
She bows her head slightly.
"My comments made everything worse between you two. I… I should have known that pushing my nose was just going to drive a rift, that you wouldn't have magically decided to go along with it. You are… a complicated person, Jason. Just like my daughter. I only hope that the two of you will keep on getting along…"
I smile lightly.
"Of course we will. She might have new friends, but I'm still the best one that she has!"
Viola laughs again.
"Yes. You sure are…"
She is interrupted by the sounds of footsteps coming from the stairs. Seems like the protagonist of our conversation is ready.
I mentally sigh and stand up, ready to tackle this night and make everything go back to how they used to be…
My eyes fall upon her… and my breath gets caught in my throat. My heart skips several beats. I can't speak… I can only stand here and stare. Stare at the jewel in front of me.
I think we all know what I mean when I say that she has that dress. The black one with the big gap on her cleavage and shows a good bit of her legs.
In the game, she looks amazing in it. Her best cosmetic, in my humble opinion. No questions asked. Here, in real life?
The piece of media does NOT do her justice. Everything down to the last, smallest bit of makeup just… screams Meg Thomas. It's not perfect, I can easily see that… but it's all genuine. All of that is not aided by the fact that her hair is let loose along her back, long and straight, like a river of fire, adding that final touch that makes my brain fizzle.
She has never looked more attractive than right now.
I move my jaw a bit, my mouth locked open. I want to speak… but I cannot. My eyes can't stop drinking her in.
Meg starts to rub her arm, self conscious.
"S-Sorry for taking so long, the hair took a long time to get the way I wanted it to…"
I mumble something unintelligible, my ability of speech still being under lock and key.
Until I hear a cough coming from behind me, which starts unlocking my (not so massive) brain.
"Meg, sweetie! Come here, let me see you!"
My friend steps around me, showing herself to her mother.
"It's not that good, isn't it…?"
Viola laughs.
"Oh, the dress is amazing. I picked it myself when I was your age, you know? And don't you dare say that your mother has poor taste! But you, dear… you are the one glowing, right now. Isn't that right, Jason?"
I shake my head, finally rebooting properly.
"Y-Yeah! You… you look breathtaking, Meg…"
She blushes, twirling a strand of hair.
"T-Thank you. You look… very good yourself…"
"T-Thanks…"
Oh great, I ended up getting into the stuttering competition as well! This is NOT the right type of character development!
Viola looks at both of us, her expression looking particularly pleased.
"Come now lovebirds, it is time for you two to go and enjoy yourselves. But don't have too much fun, the two of you are still too young for that!"
Both mine and Meg's faces explode in color. This fucking woman! She even apologized earlier, and now she's right back to her usual self!
But she's still right. If we don't get a move on, we're gonna be late. And if we're late, Julie is going to bite off my head.
Not really. She would understand. But I need an excuse to stop procrastinating and get a move on already.
I nod to Meg, who nods back. Time to go then.
"We're going then, mom! Don't worry, I'll be back at a decent time…"
"None of that young lady! You stay out and have as much fun as you can! Jason here will keep you safe and sound, so I have nothing to worry about! Can I count on you for that, sweetheart?"
Seems like now I am forever dubbed "sweetheart".
"I'll do my best, Viola. I can promise that".
"Mh. Good enough. All right then, have fun you two!"
She pretty much kicks us out with her words alone.
And so, here we are, walking the, thankfully, short distance to school. It's surprisingly not as cold as I thought it is. But maybe that's due to the heat still radiating from my face. Damn it Viola…
I hate this place. I hate it with a burning passion. I knew that I wasn't going to like it, but this is ten times worse than I expected. The music is loud and obnoxious, the flashing colors threaten to give an aneurysm, the air stinks of cheap perfume and cologne, mixed with sweat and the unintelligible shouting and loud laughing are making my eardrums bust.
When Meg and I made it to the Ball, Kate and Thalita were at the entrance to greet everyone, the first with a nice yellow dress (it should have been an eyesore, but she somehow manages to make it work) and the other with a black and white strapless.
We had a brief but pleasant conversation (even if Kate couldn't look me in the eyes. Thalita seemed particularly amused by that) and we were let in with no fuss.
Straight away, neither of us was comfortable. This just isn't our scene and we were like two fishes out of water. The weight of where we actually were seemed to fall upon us all at the same time, because we just straight up couldn't look at each other for more than a couple of seconds.
No conversation, no dancing (thank the gods…) or anything else along those lines. Just the two of us standing next to each other, looking in two opposite directions. It got so bad that bloody Nea Karlesson swept in, muttered something about "borrowing your date" and left with Meg before I could even agree or disagree.
So now I'm left at the refreshments table, sipping on a glass of coke (no alcohol, unfortunately. Damn underage!) with the Prez being my only company as of right now.
"I think you made Nea mad. I haven't seen her do something so sudden in quite a while…"
I mumble on the rim of my glass, feeling a flush coming to my cheeks.
"Maybe they snuck away to make out. Aren't you worried?"
Dwight chuckles.
"Aren't you?"
I glare at him and he chuckles some more.
"Don't worry about that. In all seriousness, Nea is not the type to try and do something like this, despite what her punk aesthetic might tell you. If she wanted to shove her tongue down Thomas's throat, she would have done it in front of everybody. She's not exactly… subtle".
I roll my eyes at that. What a reassuring thought…
"What then? Having a private girl only conversation? That sounds so disgustingly cliché…"
"Perhaps. But Nea always means well, at the end of it. Her methods could use some refining though".
"Heh… just like a certain older sister of mine…"
Dwight and I share a small chuckle at the expense of the women in our life.
"You know that they'll be back soon, right?"
I nod dejectedly.
"Yeah…"
"And that you'll have to face the music. Those two are birds of a feather, whatever it is that my girlfriend is telling yours, they're sure to eventually agree".
I groan somewhat loudly. He's being merciless tonight… also…
"Not my girlfriend…"
"Sure she isn't. Not yet at least".
I groan at that. The Viola syndrome is spreading like wildfire…
"What do I do, then?"
He shrugs.
"Dunno. I have no idea what the circumstances are, and I doubt you'd tell me if I asked…"
He smiles and waves. I follow his eyes to see Nea and Meg make their way towards us, the latter looking more determined than ever.
"I don't have much advice to offer you in this case. And I know that 'follow your heart' is the literal worst thing I could tell you. So, I'm going to say something else, something that you'll do well to remember from now on. When she talks to you… listen to hear. And I don't mean just hear what she says and then forget about it. I mean understand her position, her opinion of whatever the problem is, where she comes from. I know that everyone likes to say that 'teenage girls are complicated'... but we aren't much different. Everyone is complicated. Everyone is different. It's what makes us human".
He pats my shoulder and then leaves to meet halfway with his girlfriend, quickly descending into a quiet conversation. Meg stops in front of me, looking in my eyes unflinchingly, with the expression of someone not about to back down, for any reason. It… suits her fairly well.
"We have to talk. Follow me".
Not a suggestion, or a request. Seems like I have no other choice…
We make it outside, away from the noise and the stink, something that both my ears and nose are extremely grateful for.
We're standing in the lobby of the school, out of the elements but still able to smell the fresh air, which considerably helps me calm down.
The two of us remain silent for a while, while I wait for Meg to gather her thoughts on what she wants and needs to tell me.
"Hey, Jas… did you know that Dana is a lesbian?"
I'm caught completely off guard by that.
"W-What?"
She nods, crossing her arms.
"Yeah. It's the reason why she tried to bother me so often. She has a thing for me, but doesn't know how to express her feelings. So, she resulted to bullying, trying to get my attention. Or she attempted to, at least. She came clean when the announcement of the Winter Ball came, asking me to be her date and all".
I… can't say that I expected that. I mean, I believe her, but if this doesn't just scream "random teenage drama", then I don't know what does.
"And you refused. How come?"
"First thing first, I'm not into girls. That's just the way that it is, unfortunately for her. Second, even if I was, I'm not of the mentality of rewarding bullies for their behavior, no matter the reason behind it. She gave me so many headaches during these two years, that the simple thought of going out with her threatens to give me another one. And third… I already have someone that I like. Who I'm fairly sure feels the same way… but is just being obnoxiously stubborn, and that's saying something coming from me!"
She glares at me good-naturedly, with a small smile on her face.
"She understood and we agreed to try and be friends, from now on. I don't think that she'll be bothering me again…"
I nod, feeling tongue tied. Her head is turned away from me, giving an unimpeded look at those gorgeous crimson locks of hers. I've never felt my natural weakness flare up as much as it is right now. I feel… meek, in a way. And I hate that. I hate it so much…
"She asked me who it is that I actually like, you know? I didn't want to answer her… but she had the courage to come out and ask me to the Ball, so I figured that she deserved to know that much. I told her… that I had fallen for the guy that saved me, two years ago. And that, while our relationship is… complicated, my feelings have never been either stronger… or more honest than now".
Save…? I… didn't save anyone. Never did, in fact. Megan Thomas always had everything under control, like she always did.
"I didn't do anything Meg. You saved yourself. I'm not the one that made all of those friends for you, you know?"
She giggles.
"Maybe not. But it's because you were there when I needed you two years ago, that I had the strength to accept Nea's friendship. That I could accept the Team's praises and offers of companionship. If you hadn't challenged me at that race, back when we first met… none of this could have been possible…"
A… race…? I feel a sharp, brief pain hit me in the temple. And just like in a movie… it comes back to me.
"Hey! You're really good, you know?! Want to race?!"
"I… I don't know…"
"Whaaaat? Come oooonnnn! It'll be fun, I promise!"
"Please don't insist…"
"Oh, I get it. You're scared of losing! Ah well, I guess that can't be helped…"
"I-I'm not scared! I'll show you!"
"That's the spirit! My name is Jason Kostenko, the damn best runner that this school has ever seen!"
"Ehehehe… are you?"
"What's with that laugh?! Of course I am!"
"I see. My name is Meg Thomas, the one who is about to dethrone the king!"
Poke on her competitive nature. A shot in the dark, since I had no idea if it would have worked… but she looked passionate about running, judging from the way she did it... and I got it right. That's where it all started, huh?
"Couldn't let a pretty girl like you be miserable like that, if I could do something about it".
I bite my tongue. Cringe! That was so fucking cringe!
Meg… simply laughs, a bit red in the face.
*Regardless of the reason… it was what I needed to start again. And you didn't even know what was wrong! You just saw someone being upset and you immediately tried to change that. You were a hero even back then…"
Even then… even before Adriana Imai left the house. Seems like my self diagnosis was just plain wrong, huh?
"You know… back at the Ball… I was actually kind of happy that Nea 'kidnapped' me. The atmosphere was just unbearable you know? I was waiting for you to say something, but it was painfully obvious that you weren't going to… I have so much to tell you, but I was unwilling to make the first move. Until she reminded me that you are no mind reader. That if I want to say something… then I should just go and say it. And that's what I'm going to do".
I gulp my own saliva, while I play with my fingers. Hate this, hate this, hate this, HATE THIS…!
But at the same time… being vulnerable in front of her is… not the worst thing in the world I suppose…
"I know that you feel like you're not good enough. I know that you feel like a failure for not making my pain go away. I know that you think that I deserve better. It's written all over your face… you might be a decent actor, but when you slip… you do it hard, you know? But here's my opinion on all that… I don't care".
I blink, while she turns around to face me. She's… suddenly much closer that she was just a moment ago.
"You are good enough. You've always been good enough. To your sister, your friends, to anyone that loves you… to me. You are the best damn thing that has happened to me since I moved here in Ormond. You are not a failure, for not doing something impossible. The pain will never go away… but your presence made it less sharp. Less overwhelming. With you around, I know that I can overcome it… that while I will always miss my mom, I can rely on you for comfort. Do I deserve better? Maybe. I'm sure that, somewhere in the world, there is somebody who is simply the better version of you. That's just how the world works… I could meet this mystery guy tomorrow, and you know what? I wouldn't care. Because this person… wouldn't be you. And I don't want the perfect prince charming, or the evolved version of Jason Kostenko. I want… you. Just… you…"
During that speech, Meg's hands find themselves upon my cheeks… and I don't have the will to push them off. They're warm… and comfortable. Meg herself is warm. It makes me want to wrap my arms around her and never let go.
But I still want to protest. Make her understand that I can't give her what I want. That my flaws are deep rooted and very much there to stay.
"Don't just hear her and then forget about it. I mean understand her position, her opinion on whatever the problem is and where she comes from".
"I don't know this girl as well as you do… but what I do know is something that all of us women hate. And that is, when someone else thinks they know what's best for us".
Dwight and Julie's advices, come back just when I need them. And I understand, finally.
It doesn't matter to Meg whether I have problems or not. She's not stupid… she can see them. I never made any attempt at hiding them. She knows that I'm lazy when it comes to things that I'm not passionate about. She knows that I have trouble communicating my feelings. She knows that I can be both extremely selfless and selfish at the same time, to the point of unhealthy even. She knows all of this…
And her feelings never changed. She's perfectly aware of what she's getting into. And she couldn't give a rat's ass about it. Her feelings ring true and honest… just like the ones that I've been desperately trying to suppress ever since meeting Viola, back when she invited me to her house.
But… before anything happens… I need her to be sure.
"It won't be easy, you know? A relationship between the two of us will have plenty of bumps along the way. I have a lot of issues to unpack… just like you do. We're going to argue… and fight and have a lot of disagreements…"
Her thumb slides along my cheek.
"But then, we're going to find a compromise. We're always going to apologize, forgive each other and make it up for every little thing. I am extremely serious about this, Jason… this is not going to be just some brief, meaningless teenage romance. I… want something genuine. I want to love you and be loved back, with nothing to stand in our way…"
Did… did she just an L-bomb on me?! Just like that?!
"Meg… I…"
"I love you. I've loved you for two years now… and I'm always going to. It doesn't matter how many friends I make, how many bonds I forge with other people… you will always be at the forefront of everything. I want you to always be there for me… just like how I'm always going to be there for you…"
… finally, with that, the last of my will to resist crumbles away like sand. My arms encircle her and I squeeze her tightly, her nose pressed against my cheekbone.
"I… I love you too. I didn't want to admit it, because I believed that I didn't deserve… this. But now that I have, I feel like I must warn you… I'm never letting go. Ever again".
She smiles, looking at me with those chocolate brown eyes that I adore.
"Then… don't".
And I won't. The hug keeps on going for a very long time. When it turns into gently rubbing arms, back and necks, there are no complaints.
When my finger brush against her lips, there are no complaints.
When those same lips press up against mine… there can't be any complaints.
Hello?! Is this thing on?! It is?! Noice.
Welcome back, dudes and gentleladies, to another episode of AIOS, the show where it's not just the protagonist that has rizz.
This chapter wasn't supposed to be this long. But, unfortunately, I ended getting swept away with writing Viola again, and the section with her ended up being a lot longer than I planned. It's a shame that this is likely the last time I'm going to, I'm gonna miss this absolute demon that I created a hahahaha.
We are just one chapter short of the end of Meg's route. The next will be the epilogue and then we'll see who goes next after. At the moment, Kate, Rin and Yui are all tied for that spot. If we go by the rules of first, Kate should be the next route. Otherwise, I might just throw a dice or something along those lines, let the chips fall where they may, as a certain Invincible Girl once said, unless another vote comes that defines a clear winner. We'll see when we get there, I suppose.
Review Responses!
WhyareUsernamesTakenAlready: Jason has a lot of self doubt, always had even when he thought he was someone else. That's just a trait that all Golden Souls share, it seems.
Yeah, poor Susie got the short end of the stick. But then Meg joined and everything was well or something.
The Entity is still cooking right now, we won't see it for a while. We have all these routes to finish up first.
I did it, the challenges were almost insultingly easy… which is better than the alternative (looking at that dumb "get two flashlight saves in one match" nightmare that I had to go through…). None of the rewards were particularly impressive to me, but the Jeff skin was kind of nice, I guess.
That's all folks! Tata for now.