~But time moves forward—I haveto move forward.~
CHAPTER THIRTEEN - AVALANCHE
My desire to corner Bella during lunch was dashed by Edward who sat alone at a table with her. Jasper had led me to the Cullens table once again and I could feel the stares from the normal group consisting of Jessica, Angela, Mike, Eric, and Tyler. More eyes were on Bella and Edward luckily, leaving me to eat in a different kind of awkward silence.
My eyes peeked at the pale hand with nails painted ballerina pink—somehow the perfect color for Rosalie—squeezing the table and I thought she was about to splinter the poor thing.
"So Vega, are you planning on doing anything Saturday since you're not going to the spring formal?" Alice asks, her voice far too chipper for the somber mood at the table.
"Ah, yeah. I planned on going to Seattle with Bella." I quickly glance behind me, unsure if that was even happening now as I eye the new couple.
She grins, her pearly whites on full display, "Well, if that doesn't work out, why not come over to our house?"
I didn't want to be rude and wince from the offer but it was close, "Thanks, Alice. If I end up not going though, I think I'll sit in and watch a movie with dad. I appreciate the offer."
After lunch ended Jasper and I walked to class together—as usual. He apologized for Alice's overbearing behavior and then asked me if I was uncomfortable with the thought of coming to their home. I reassured him that it's not because of that.
It was mainly due to me not wanting to get deeper involved when I hadn't made up my mind in the slightest but obviously I couldn't tell him that. Part of me clung to a life I no longer had nor had any hope of returning to while part of me longed for a new future filled with warmth and Jasper. But that was confidential information at the moment.
As Jasper drives me home, I openly stare at his side profile and I can see his lips twitching as he fights himself to not look at me—or so I think.
He looked so different compared to Jae and even thinking that made me feel guilty. Like I was doing something wrong.
The dream last night brought feelings I didn't want to feel. It had been so long since I had any from before—especially good ones—that I wasn't ready for the bottomless pit of emotions to swallow me whole.
"If Edward is going to drive Bella the rest of the week I don't mind picking you up." He startles me out of my thoughts.
"Mmm. I'll ask her then but knowing those two I think I already know the answer." I chuckle, remembering how neither prepared their families for the events today.
He parks out front of the house, looking over with an amused grin and his entire body relaxed. I lov—liked seeing him this way. Comfortable. Like he could be himself. "You'll have to forgive Edward, he's never dated before."
"Bella hasn't either so I'm sure there'll be a lot of…" I pause, trying to find the right word, "awkward? Actions and conversations ahead. Bella will probably talk my ear off all night about today."
His eyes grow serious, "And you? Do you have dating experience?"
I find myself in a predicament, stuck between not wanting to lie and wanting to run. I chose the truth, "I do. Though it's a little hard to explain or go into detail about."
His eyebrows shoot up, "Ah, another secret to our growing collection. Let me guess, when the time is right?"
I didn't know if there would ever be a right time to say I had a past life, much less that this was a book and movie series and that I'm from the future. That seemed like something that might get me wrapped up and sat in a padded room. So I lightly jested with half seriousness, "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."
"You drive a hard bargain, Vega Swan." He jokes back before he gets out and my door is opened. He walks me to the front door and that is different than usual which sends me into a spiral of mild panic.
If he's trying to come in, my room isn't clean—piles of clean clothes yet to be put away, an overflowing basket of dirty clothes, unmade bed, and scattered pairs of shoes all around the room. Yeah, he definitely can not come to my room.
My worrying is promptly cut off however when he grabs my hand, the icy chill immediately replaced with the sizzling heat that shoots through my veins. The cloudiness is easier to block now as I lean my head up to look at him. His touch is tender and his eyes vulnerable—a look I'm discovering I very much enjoy on him.
He unnecessarily swallows, "I have never courted—dated—before either."
My eyebrows must be in my hairline from the shock of the random information spilling from his lips. His face pinches as he continues, "There was something but I wouldn't call it dating nor would I call it love."
A small understanding smile tugs my lips, "Let me guess, when the time is right?" I quote his words from only moments before.
He tittered, shaking his head a bit before softly squeezing my hand, "You sure know how to keep a man on his toes, Darlin'." He brings my hand to his lips and my breath hitches as what I assumed would be marble but instead is a soft, pillowy feel brushing my skin. His lips tilt and I can just tell he's smirking from the effect he has on me. It makes me want to kiss his silly smirk right off his face.
His darkened eyes glance up at me through his thick lashes, "Vega Swan, you make me want to break every rule imaginable."
I bite my tongue to not ask some debauched question. Instead, I breathily antagonize "I think I'd let you run away with me, Jasper Hale." I clear my throat after hearing my own voice, my tone tilting as I half joke, "You are the one who is trouble here."
After Jasper leaves I'm face down on my bed, slamming my fists into the pillows and kicking my feet wildly. I can't fight my feelings anymore. And that's insane because I've only known him for what? Three months? But I want to know more about him—from his lips, not some words from a book. And the fact that I'm aware I've done nothing to stop this development makes my insides itch. Because I couldn't fight the feeling of wanting to curl up in front of the warm bonfire he provided me. I simply could not stay away from Jasper even if I wanted to.
That night Bella practically broke my door down as she jumped onto my bed, eyes all starry and blazing with passion I'd never seen before. It made me feel better about the decision to come along. This was the right choice–for Bella.
She regaled me with tales of her day, every moment from the start when Edward surprised her by taking her to school to the end when he dropped her off. She did not spare me of the detail that Edward had used his mind reading ability to practically spy on her during Gym class. To which I cut her off, reminding her that kind of behavior was strange and an invasion of privacy for all involved. She agreed and even proudly told me how she told him off about it, making him promise to not do it again.
She continues on, making me gasp when she says she asked him if she could accompany him when he went hunting. I had to take a moment to wonder if Bella was truly all there in the head because what sort of person would put themselves in front of a starving animal like that?! She then tried to console me by saying Edward told her no so it wouldn't be happening.
"Bella, for the love of god please have some inkling of self preservation." I begged, hand covering my mouth as my eyes stared at her in horror.
She scoffed at me before sassing me, "You are quite literally the last person I want to hear that from."
"Don't be rude, Bella." I sniff, turning my head away from her.
Bella reached over to grab my hand, "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." She tried to explain herself, "Just that you're still hanging out with Jasper despite what I told you." She looked unsure as she continued, "Do you…do you maybe not believe me?"
My head snaps in her direction, "Oh, Bells. I do believe you." I lick my lips, "It's why I want you to be more careful. And I hang around Jasper because I know it's safe." Well—I think it's safe anyway.
A half hour later we were both lying across my bed as we stared at the ceiling. A little smile settled over my face as I thought about how much happier Bella seemed. Of course, I couldn't let her go without teasing a little, "Your first boyfriend."
Her face flushed a vibrant red as she poked back, "Well, who would've thought I got a boyfriend before you."
I did, of course. Bella would have always gotten with Edward before I, Vega Swan, got a boyfriend. It was a fact. But Bella didn't need to know that, "Haha. I could get a boyfriend if I wanted one."
She rolled her eyes, "I know. It's a shame you don't ever seem interested in other people. Other than me or family, Jasper is like the closest person you've let near you. Both physically and emotionally."
I took a deep breath before obviously changing the subject, "Moving on…how does it feel?"
She bit her lip and smiled bashfully, our eyes connecting as she giggled a bit, "I feel giddy. I've never liked anyone so this is all new to me." She looked nervous before the words flew from her mouth, "I think I love him, Vega. Is that insane?"
"Love is different for everyone. It moves at different paces for everyone. I don't think you're insane but it doesn't hurt to go slow and feel out what dating really is. It's new for both of you." I leaned in like I had a great secret to share, which might be partially true as I had no idea how much Edward had told Bella, "Jasper told me that Edward has never dated either."
Her responding grin was blinding before she boldly asked, "Does it really hurt? Ya know, the first time?"
I scoff, "And why do you think I know the answer to that?" She blankly stared at me, "Okay fine. It can hurt. The pain is honestly different for everyone but if there's enough foreplay beforehand it could help ease the pain."
She looked confused before mumbling, "I feel like I need to research more…"
I grab her hand, "But Bells, remember. He's different. Getting there with him could take you years. He'll need a lot of self control too."
"Do you remember? Your first?" She twiddled with her fingers as she looked at me.
Flashes of Jae's face appear behind my eyes. I fight the tremble in my voice and the sting in my eyes as I answer honestly, "Yeah."
She was an endless well of questions as she persisted, "Has he been your only one?"
A sad smile pulls my lips, "No. But that's okay. I've learned my lessons." The regret is there, gnawing at my heart. But time moves forward—I have to move forward. Remembering the seedy bars and cocktails of who knows what mixed with the touches of a stranger no longer brings me crippling anxiety or shoots me into a panic attack.
"I think I want Edward as my one and only. I want him forever." Bella confesses as she twirls my wavy locks around her finger. The hint of her already planning a life of being a vampire was clear in her message.
"And that's okay! You can both learn together at least." I giggle, trying to lighten the mood and she smacks my head, lightly enough that I can tell she's not angry.
The rest of the night is spent giggling as I riffle through my books—the spicier books Bella has never read before. Sure, they're not the best source of material but maybe they'll help her out a little bit. She would squawk when one with a particularly wild cover came upon her eyes.
Our night ended with Bella carrying a stack of books to her room after she promised she'd read them. Before she left though, she guiltily asked if we could reschedule our Seattle trip as Edward had asked her out on Saturday. I cheered her on and told her we had all the time to go to Seattle together but a first date only came around once in a while.
Thursday evening had Billy and Jake visiting to watch the game—I don't know which game as I fled to my room to avoid the super tense atmosphere. Billy was doing a piss poor job at concealing his feelings after spotting Bella and Edward outside when he arrived.
I only come back down to say goodbye to them and Billy stares at me before encouraging me to look after myself. I wasn't sure if dad told him about my escapades with Jasper or if he was just worried a Cullen was hanging around.
After school Friday, Bella ranted about how Mike thought since we weren't going to Seattle anymore that meant she was going to the spring formal with Edward and I was going to go with Jasper. She was adamant that we were not and that the day would be spent doing laundry and studying. Her voice grew in octaves as she scoffed about how he said we should still go even if we were dateless, promising that the group would dance with us.
I tell Bella I'll break the news that we aren't going to Seattle to dad. Saying that I'll offer to stay in and do a movie day with him instead so that she can enjoy her date worry free.
Dad was excited to hang out, even if his face didn't seem to show it. We ordered pizza and made popcorn as we binged all kinds of action movies. I kept him distracted as Bella snuck out of the house earlier and the only reason I didn't tell him where or who she went with is because she promised to text me updates that she still lived and breathed.
Dad was unfortunately called into work and I was left to my own devices as I decided to clean up my room. Carefully selecting the vinyl I want to put on first–Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge by My Chemical Romance, one that I enjoyed in my past–and I move to the beat and sing along as Helena drifts from the speakers, getting to work on the shoes scattered everywhere.
During the entire cleaning process, I thought back to my conversation with Bella and how I needed to make changes to my life in order to heal. I had just talked myself out of diving off the cliff and into everything that came with Jasper but as I hung my clothes in my closet I debated the opposite. Contradicting myself so soon made me feel a little silly but my mind wouldn't let it go.
If I gave it a chance now when I am still somewhat in the unknown of their circumstances, I wouldn't have to commit to death or a vampiric life. That was too heavy of a commitment to make right now. But if we had a few months or years of normal dating? Getting to actually know each other on a level other than friendship? It sounded tempting.
Jasper always treated me differently—in a good way. In a way that made me feel alive. Like my entire being burned for him. It was…a little scary but overall it was invigorating.
My thoughts drifted to other scenarios if I chose to give a relationship with him a chance. Could Jasper kiss me? Did he even want to? I wanted him to. Did Jasper even like me or was I completely misreading everything? How far could we go before all the monsters jumped out of both of our closets? How would his lips feel against my own? How would they feel trailing down my neck? How would he feel as he hovered over my body—my thoughts were cut off as the front door opened and closed.
Bella and Edward waltzed into the house together as I pried my thoughts away from the dangerous trajectory they were headed in. Opting to lay on my bed and try to read instead, willfully ignoring the pair downstairs so they could have some semblance of privacy. Lord knows they won't ever get that near any of the other Cullens. I put my headphones on and went back to trying to read my book in peace.
Before I pass out for the night, I'm going through my journal full of notes on the timeline when Jasper texts me asking if I'd like to hang out tomorrow. I respond with yes because my eyes just skimmed the part where Bella would be meeting the Cullens. And if this timeline in my notes was lining up with what I was living then that would be tomorrow.
The next morning I stubbed my toe as I saw Edward sitting at our dining room table as Bella ate breakfast. Part of me wondered if he even left. The answer was probably no.
He gives me a tense grin, "Good morning, Vega."
My face must show my confusion but I simply nod, "Edward. Didn't expect to see you here so bright and early."
I start pulling out things to make a coffee when Edward speaks again, "I had just asked Bella if she'd like to visit my family today." He completely disregarded my statement.
"I told him I would have to check with you. I didn't want to leave you here alone again since dad is working a double shift today." Bella explains after she finished chewing.
"Ah. You should go. I have plans today anyway. But thanks for thinking of me." I gave her a smile and I meant it. Bella needs to meet the Cullens and hopefully me pulling Jasper away from the house would help a bit. Before I can start brewing the coffee maker, Jasper texts me again.
Don't worry about coffee. I have a thermos ready with a new recipe for you.
I fight a grin and bite my lip a bit to physically stop it from pulling up before moving to put everything back. Bella noticed immediately, shocking Edward with her sudden outburst, "Aha! You're hanging out with Jasper, aren't you?!"
I cock an eyebrow, "And why do you think that?"
"Jasper always brings you coffee. You never not make it unless you're going to see him." She smirks, clearly proud of her deduction skills. I can't say Edward is as happy though. Looking annoyed as his brows pull together before he glances between Bella and I.
I roll my eyes and hold up my hands in mock surrender, "Fine. I'm hanging out with Jasper."
"Where are you two going?" Edward chimes in and I fight the urge to snap at him to mind his own business.
I shrug, "Not sure. He just asked if I wanted to hang out." That didn't make Edward relax at all but that's not my problem. "Anyways…" I pin him with my eyes, "Bella's meeting your parents already, huh?"
He looks a little embarrassed as he admits, "They've been waiting to meet her actually."
"I wish you both the best of luck when it's time to meet dad…" I chuckle as I lean against the counter, watching as Bella's face shifts and she groans.
I wave from the door as they both leave, about to close the door only to pause when Edward asks if I wanted a ride to their house–which was weird and maybe he was testing me–but I said Jasper was already on the way.
When Jasper knocks on the door the warmth that always accompanies him seeps into me despite the door separating us. My grin can't be contained when I see his face. I loved it when he knocked on the door. There was something so…wholesome and cute about it. Which was almost the complete opposite of what I felt only a few short days ago.
As always, he opens my door for me before settling in the driver's seat. "I figured we could visit an animal shelter doing an event in Port Angeles today. I know you can't bring any back with you but…"
My heart squeezes. My throat tightens as I fight the happy tears pooling in my eyes. "That's really sweet. Thank you, Jasper."
He holds out the thermos for me, "This is my newest creation. I got an espresso machine recently so I hope it's to your liking." I pop the lid, inhaling the steaming concoction, hints of rose floating through the air. "I used rose syrup and almond milk and topped it with some dried rose petals." He explains, watching my reaction carefully.
That sounded fucking delicious and like something I would order at the local cafe in my past life. I lick my lips, "I bet it's amazing."
I take a tentative sip, always surprised that it manages to be the perfect drinking temperature and moan at the flavor bursting in my mouth. The espresso is smooth–not burnt–and the almond milk was steamed perfectly with just the right amount of rose syrup to not make it overly sweet.
"Jasper" I look him dead in the eyes, "this is fucking amazing." He grins, clearly happy with his work and my heart skips a beat at the pure joy on his face.
This is immediately shattered as he asks, "I saw Edward and Bella driving from here. How was their date yesterday?"
Seeing as I owed nothing to Edward, I admitted to Jasper that I'm pretty sure it went well and that I thought Edward was with Bella all night—in her room. He was even there when I woke up and came to the kitchen this morning. Jasper was watching my expressions carefully, probably wondering why I wasn't freaking out.
I ranted on how I didn't care if he was going to be there as long as I got a heads up but as Edward—and even Jasper—was unaware of how much I really knew I couldn't exactly say certain things and that I would leave it to Bella to forewarn me. Then I went on to say that they were actually on the way to his house to meet the rest of the family. "Sorry you won't be there since we're hanging out today." I apologized but I felt like Jasper didn't mind not meeting Bella.
"I asked you, Darlin'. Nothing for you to apologize for." He started with ease before moving into state, "Esme and Carlisle would love to meet you too."
"Mmm. I'd like to meet them too. But maybe…" The courage I feel comes from deep inside me as I finish, "Maybe after graduation?" The question was for more than meeting the two he saw as his parents and Jasper seemed to understand as his neck practically snapped off–and was a blur to my eyes–as he stared at me, clearly startled.
After talking to Bella the other night, and my running thoughts yesterday, I had made up my mind. I couldn't hide in my past. I needed to move forward. And even if I was scared and had no idea where it would go, my future was with Jasper–I couldn't deny that any longer. But I could at the very least give myself time to prepare.
He looks simultaneously relieved and nervous before smiling a little and repeating, "After graduation."
I reach over to timidly touch his hand resting on the gear shifter, swallowing as I ghost my fingers over his cool skin, "But perhaps…we could consider this our first date?"
I launch into an explanation, "We take it slow. I'm not claiming us as boyfriend and girlfriend just yet. This is just a date. I'm not ready to show you all of my scars or monsters in the closet…" I timidly look into his eyes that are blown wide, "But I can't deny what I feel anymore. I can't pretend that what I feel isn't more than simple friendship."
His hand moves to cradle mine and I feel the need to keep going, taking the fact that he hasn't stopped me or thrown me out of the car as a good sign and that I wasn't making up his own reactions and potential feelings. "I don't know where this is going to go. And there's a lot to uncover and talk about. But let's be a normal couple of teens for the next couple of months."
His hand gives mine a squeeze, "We can go as slow as you want, Darlin'." His lips wobble as he smiles shyly, "I was not prepared for this. I would have brought you flowers if I knew this was going to be our beginning."
I bashfully bite my lip as I lightly giggle, holding the thermos in my free hand, "You brought me a rose coffee and that is all I needed to make up my mind. I think this kind of beginning is very fitting for us."
The giant grin he gives me is nearly blinding as he mumbles, "I am unsure if you can tell but I am so overjoyed and blessed that I want to run around the world shouting your name, Vega Swan."
I laugh freely, "You're so silly." I nervously twiddle the fingers clenched around his, "I was nervous. Worried I misread everything. Afraid you'd reject me."
He raises our joined hands, pressing a soft kiss to my skin, "I would have waited endlessly for you. You were the one holding the key to the door I was too afraid to open too early. I needed to make sure you were ready."
The emotions I had tried so hard to contain and suppress crushed me like an avalanche. And I was suffocating in the desire to scream how I felt about Jasper Hale. And as I looked in the side mirror at the scenery behind us, Jae's figure disappeared with it.