Chapter 52

After a while, Regina returned to the kitchen to continue taking care of the food. She couldn't let Emma's words get to her too much or she would probably lose her mind. She was sure that her girlfriend was just too exhausted to realize that it was always worth fighting and trusted that she would feel better the next day. During her last hospitalization and afterward, she had been getting a little better each day, and Regina was sure she would eventually bounce back. She didn't even like to think about anything else.

"Did you ask her?" Zelena wanted to know, who was setting the table with dishes and cutlery while Regina stirred her vegetable stew, lost in thought.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. She's okay with it," Regina murmured, jerked out of her thoughts, and stiffened her spine. "We'll do it tonight before bed."

"And that's it?" Zelena asked with a raised eyebrow, as her little sister's behavior seemed strange to her.

Sighing, Regina lowered the mixing spoon and spun around to her. "If you're getting at something specific, just ask!"

For a moment, Zelena eyed her, but then shook her head and continued setting the table. "It's okay." Even though she wasn't fully involved in everything, Zelena knew from the last few weeks and months that something must have been going on and it couldn't be good. Her sister was only so irritable and absent-minded when Emma was worse. But she didn't want to probe further at the moment, especially since she heard the front door open as Henry came home from school.

The teen brought his school things upstairs, changed and washed his hands thoroughly before quietly walking into the living room to join Emma. He was glad she was back home and no longer in the hospital, but the sight of her always gave him a sting.

"Hi, kid," Emma whispered when she noticed her son and forced a wry smile. "How was school?" She had a feeling that the effects of the pain pill were already wearing off again, so sleep was out of the question. Instead, she had just dozed off for a while and was now glad for the distraction.

"Unspectacular," Henry replied, taking a seat on the edge of the sofa from where he could stroke her arm. "We got an English test back. I got an A."

"That's great, Henry. Well done," she praised her son, eyeing his face. His hair had grown to a length in recent weeks that Regina would never have allowed if her mind weren't constantly elsewhere. Emma knew Henry liked it that way, though, and shakily raised her hand to run it through his thick bangs.

Henry allowed it for a moment, as a favor to her, and then took her hand to gently place it back on the blanket. "Your fingers are ice-cold," he noted as he did so. "Are you cold?" Without waiting for an answer, he pulled her fleece blanket higher and took her hands in his to warm them.

Shaking her head, Emma looked down at her hands and then back up at her son's face. "I'm fine," she assured him, again giving him a weary smile. "I'm warm enough," she then corrected her statement a bit, not wanting to risk him elaborating on how she was feeling. "You must be hungry. Why don't you go see how far your mom has gotten with the food," she finally suggested.

"You want to get rid of me, don't you?" Henry guessed immediately. "You're in pain."

"I don't want to get rid of you. I want you to eat enough," she responded. "Then when you're done, I'll try a little too, I promise." She hoped to appease him that way and didn't even address his last statement. She didn't want to go over the same topic again and again, since the pain didn't go away from talking about it all the time.

"Aren't you coming over?" Henry asked, looking down depressed at her slim form after he stood up.

"At the moment, no. Eat in peace for now, okay?" she asked, squeezing his fingers.

Nodding, Henry briefly returned the squeeze and then joined the two women and Zelena's daughter in the kitchen for real.

Relieved, Emma closed her eyes and concentrated on her breathing for a while, which was almost always too shallow. The doctors had told her to take deep breaths as often as possible to prevent further pneumonia. The physical therapists had shown her some exercises during her breathing exercises that she could do on her own. Completely lost in thought, she listened to the rush of blood in her ears and the sound of air filling her lungs. All these were signs of life, but she hardly felt alive anymore and everything she did, she did only for her family. She already regretted what she had said to Regina. She really wondered if her end was near, but she would fight, one way or another, even if she didn't feel it was worth it, so she might as well have kept her negative thoughts to herself.

"Emma, are you okay?"

The gentle touch of Regina's hand on her forearm made Emma open her eyes and come back to reality. "I thought I had asked Henry to eat first," she said instead of a reply as she saw the steaming soup sitting on the coffee table that Regina had brought her.

"We did," Regina replied, eyeing her girlfriend worriedly.

"Oh, okay." For a while, Emma just stared dully ahead. She hadn't realized that so much time had passed, and had rather felt that it had been only a few seconds since her son had left the living room. Sighing, she looked over at the stew and then tried unsuccessfully to push herself up with her hands.

Regina came to her help and made Emma as comfortable as possible with a pillow in her back.

Sitting upright made her breathe faster instantly and she had to close her eyes again for a while to calm the carousel in front of her eyes. Finally, she looked at Regina again and nodded curtly to sign that she was ready.

"I would get you something from Granny, too, if you'd just tell me what you want," Regina put in as she took a seat next to her and brought the tray over from the table.

"No need. Your food is good," Emma replied, having the tray set down on her lap. Exhausted, she stared into the soup bowl for a while before reaching for the spoon and spooning some stew into her mouth. As soon as her mouth was filled, she lowered her head against the back of the sofa and her hand beside her. "Henry got an A in English," she then almost whispered and the corners of her mouth twisted into a brief smile.

Regina nodded and looked at her from the side. "I know, he told me at meal." She paused, and when, after another few minutes, Emma was still just leaning exhausted against the back of the couch, making no effort to continue eating, she stroked her shoulder until she looked at her again. "Let me help you, all right?"

Emma's face was even paler than before, and her gaze twitched back and forth between Regina's eyes as she tried to decide how to respond. "Okay," she finally just whispered, letting the spoon slip from her fingers. Keeping her gaze fixed forward, she merely opened her mouth and after a while mechanically swallowed whenever Regina put the food in front of her face. "Enough," she brought out after a few spoonsful and closed her eyes. It was getting too tiring for her and she didn't want to overload her stomach.

With a soft clatter, Regina put the tray back on the table and slid her arm around Emma's shoulders.

Immediately, she lowered her upper body in Regina's direction and rested her head on her shoulder. "I didn't mean it earlier."

Regina's stroking fingers paused briefly in response before continuing to slide over Emma's upper arm. "You don't have to justify yourself. These are the thoughts that are bothering you."

"Then you'd be okay with me stopping the treatments if there was no chance of recovery?" Emma asked directly now, looking up at her.

The muscles in Regina's jaw twitched and she closed her eyes for a brief moment as she took a shaky breath. "I guess calling it okay would be a bit of an exaggeration," she countered before looking at Emma again. "But it's your body and only you can determine how far you go. I don't want to lose you, but even less do I want you with me knowing that you're taking on unbearable torment for me."

Emma simply returned her gaze for a long time and finally nodded. It was good to hear that, even if at the moment she herself couldn't say whether she would ever be able to put her own well-being above that of her family. "Thank you," she whispered anyway, snuggling closer to her girlfriend.

Regina's presence had relaxed Emma a bit, and after going to the bathroom with her help, she had spent the rest of the afternoon sleeping on the couch. It wasn't until it was already getting dark outside that she awoke again, blinking sleepily a few times at the flames dancing in the fireplace. Voices from the kitchen told her that her father had arrived by now, and the thought of what she was about to face seemed to weigh her down like a rock. She gave herself a few more moments to shake off the sleep and get used to the aches and pains that never left her alone during her waking hours before calling out for Regina.

"Hello, dear," the brunette said softly, who spoke extra quietly and struggled to smile as she leaned over Emma and stroked her cheek. "David's here. How did you sleep?"

"I know, I heard you," she nodded curtly, her face contorting as she tried to sit up.

Regina helped her, but Emma still didn't stop gasping in pain and clenched her fist in front of her mouth when she finally sat upright, trying to stifle any further sound. "Hey, take your time. If you need a painkiller first, then..."

"No. Let's just get this over with," Emma pressed out through clenched teeth, sliding as far as she could to the edge of the sofa. Her muscles protested the movement and her nerves fired painful false signals into her limbs, making it difficult for her to think. "Go get my dad," she begged. She had a feeling it was only going to get worse the longer they waited, and she didn't want the situation to escalate and Regina to lose it.

Hesitantly, Regina looked away from her with her brows drawn together in concern, but without removing her hands from her shoulders. "David?" she called toward the foyer.

As if he had been waiting outside for his cue, Emma's father appeared in the doorway immediately and joined the two women. "Hello, Emma," he greeted his daughter, and a pained smile appeared on his face. It was meant to be encouraging, but he could notice how wrong it felt.

Emma looked up at him and forced herself to smile slightly as well, but her eyes were filled with tears due to the pain.

"Please be careful," Regina almost whispered as David leaned down to Emma and lifted her effortlessly into his arms.

"Ah," it escaped Emma involuntarily in agony before burying her face in David's shirt, nipping any further sound in the bud. She hung weakly in his arms, concentrating on the familiar smell of his aftershave, while the rhythmic rocking of his walk sent wave after wave of pain through her body.

"Are you sure bathing is such a good idea?", David wanted to know as he paused indecisively at the top of the stairs between the bathroom and bedroom.

Regina shook her head, her features almost as distorted as Emma's. "No, it's a desperate attempt. We're so running out of ideas," she countered with a lump in her throat, glancing briefly at her girlfriend, who was breathing far too quickly and still burying her face against David's chest.

"Okay, I can understand," he finally said quietly and turned into the bathroom, where he set Emma down on the shower chair, since it had armrests as well as a backrest.

Zelena was already busy running the tub full of warm water, and the smell that hung in the air was earthy and fresh, as she had mixed various pain-relieving medicinal herbs into a tincture and added them to the water. She had debated this with Regina for a long time, until finally they had agreed that herbs were not magic and thus, they should not be dangerous for Emma.

"I got her," Regina nodded a moment later, and instead of David's hands, it was now hers that held Emma upright. "Thank you, David." There were tears in her own eyes as she looked up at him and noticed the pain with which he stared at his daughter.

"You're welcome," he replied, nervously running a hand over his hair. "Do you think I'd better wait downstairs?" he asked uncertainly.

"There's no need. The stairs are the problem and you helped us with these," Regina declined, gratefully placing a hand on his forearm. She knew how hard it was for him to process Emma's condition, so she didn't want to put any more strain on him than necessary. "Zelena and I can handle this."

So David nodded curtly and then went down on one knee in front of Emma so that he could look her in the eye. "I love you, honey. I'll see you tomorrow," he whispered and gave her a kiss on the head.

"Thanks, Dad," Emma replied only in a hoarse voice, still following him with her gaze as he left the bathroom.

"I can understand that you'd rather lie down... But Zelena has concocted a tincture that, together with the warm water, will hopefully help you," Regina then said quietly as she turned her full attention back to Emma.

"Just do it," Emma whispered, continuing to struggle to breathe deeply despite the high humidity.

Zelena turned off the faucet and stepped behind Emma to carefully hold her upright while Regina began undressing her.

Emma didn't say a word the entire time and finally closed her eyes as Regina covered her catheter with a waterproof film dressing and removed her underwear as well. She wasn't prudish, but the naturalness with which all this happened in Zelena's presence made her realize anew how helpless she had become and that her body had lost everything that might once have been desirable. She was nothing but a waste of space, and three people had to take care of her at once.

Regina could tell from her sister's face that she was shocked by Emma's physical condition, even though she saw her every day and usually appeared calm and collected.

But Emma was usually never so much undressed and Zelena could hardly tear her eyes away from her emaciated body. She knew, of course, that she had lost far too much weight, but for the first time the phrase 'nothing but skin and bones' seemed to make sense. She could see every one of her vertebrae and every rib. Her shoulders seemed far too large for the thin arms they ended in, and bruises and lesions stretched across her skin. With a lump in her throat and her brows drawn together tensely, Zelena looked up at Regina and held her gaze for a while. It was admirable how her sister handled her girlfriend's disease and it bordered on a miracle that she didn't break down emotionally more often.

"Okay, Emma, we're done. If it's okay for you, we'll put you in the tub now," Regina said softly at that moment. Tenderly, she put a hand to Emma's cheek and waited patiently for her reaction.

It was only a barely visible nod that Emma managed. Inwardly, she was already bracing herself for the pain she would have to endure in a few moments and tensed her jaw.

As carefully as they could, the two sisters flanked Emma and slowly helped her to her feet. It was only one step to the bathtub, but Emma's knees immediately gave way, so they very much carried her and quickly set her down on the edge of the tub.

"And now?", Zelena wanted to know insecurely.

Regina hesitated indecisively for a while. "Hold her," she finally instructed Zelena, stripping off her own clothes. As soon as she was naked, she got into the tub and knelt down. "Don't be afraid, I'll hold you," she said turning to Emma and putting her hands around her waist. "Let her slide in slowly, Zelena."

The redhead did as she was told and didn't let go of Emma until she was sitting safely on the bottom of the tub.

Emma kept her eyes closed again; the whole procedure had been so exhausting and painful that at first, she didn't even notice how the water immediately eased her torment slightly.

"I'll call you when we're ready. Thank you, Zelena," Regina said, who looked gratefully at her sister, whereupon she nodded curtly and left the room. Carefully, without letting go of her, Regina slid behind Emma and then lay back so that her girlfriend could lean against her and she could wrap her arms around her. "Are you comfortable?" she then wanted to know in a whisper, her lips right against Emma's ear.

Emma responded with a gentle nod and closed her eyes with a relieved sigh as the pleasantly warm water washed over her body and she felt Regina's calm, steady breaths and heartbeat against her back. Relieved, she noticed how her muscles gradually relaxed and her nerves stopped torturing her. Stifling a gasp, she tried to hold back her tears, but was unable to do so.

"Oh God, Emma... Are you worse?", Regina immediately wanted to know in alarm and straightened up slightly, but Emma grabbed her hand and squeezed it as tight as she could.

Shaking her head, she nuzzled her tear-soaked cheek against Regina's. "No, I'm... I'm fine," she whispered chokingly, her body shaking again from her sobs. "I'm fine for the first time in a long time," she repeated, smiling through her tears of relief.

Regina took a deep breath and stroked her head with one hand while the other arm was gently wrapped around her body. "I was beginning to think we were mistaken and that Zelena's brew was working like a spell," she then replied with relief, closing her eyes for a moment.

"No, it feels good," Emma returned, taking a deep breath before wiping the tears from her cheeks and snuggling closer to Regina.

Gently, Regina let her fingers glide over Emma's fragile body, massaging her aching muscles with light pressure. "Relax and rest," she requested softly.

Emma didn't have to be told twice. Sighing, she closed her eyes and concentrated only on Regina's closeness and the pleasant massaging movements of her hands in the warm water that enveloped them both like a protective cocoon. It didn't take long for Emma to fall into a light half-sleep.

As she noticed Emma relaxing more and more, Regina also lay still and listened to her girlfriend's quiet breaths. She had not originally wanted to bathe with her, but now she had to realize that this had probably contributed to Emma feeling so comfortable in the first place. For as long as she could, she let her snooze, but eventually the water got cool and she didn't want to risk Emma catching another cold. "Hey, love," she whispered softly, kissing her on the cheek. "Wake up, it's getting too cold."

Sighing, Emma moved her head back and forth restlessly a few times before blinking open her eyes. "I wish I could just poof myself dressed into bed right now," she admitted. The prospect of the effort ahead of her was already making the lump in her throat grow again.

"Understandable. But we'll help you. Don't worry about it."

Emma gave a short mirthless laugh. "It's not that easy."

"I know," Regina nodded, immensely glad that at that moment there was a gentle knock on the door and Zelena poked her head through the crack. This allowed her to avoid having to call out loudly for her, thus immediately destroying the relaxed moment.

"How far have you gotten?", Zelena wanted to know and relief spread on her face when she saw how calm Emma was in contrast to before the bath.

"You're just in time," Regina answered and carefully sat up in the tub, continuing to wrap her arms around Emma so that she too slowly came to a vertical position. "Are you okay? Are you dizzy?"

Shaking her head, Emma held onto the edges of the tub on either side of her. "I'm okay," she assured her before a slight chill ran over her, making her teeth chatter.

"Then we'll do it the same way now as when we got in," Regina decided, when Zelena had already stood next to her, armed with a towel. "You take Emma under the armpits from behind and I'll grab her around the waist from the front, okay?"

Zelena nodded to sign that she understood and, after a brief warning, reached under her sister-in-law's arms.

Emma hastily took a few more deep breaths in and out and then at the same time tried to make herself light and also help a little as the sisters lifted and pushed her back onto the edge of the tub where she finally sat. The severe pain she had feared did not materialize, so she concentrated on keeping her balance while Regina climbed out of the tub after her, wrapped a towel around herself, and then joined Zelena in transferring her back to the shower chair. "I can do it myself," she whispered as Regina began to gently dry her off.

"That's all right. I want you in bed as soon as possible before the effects of Zelena's tincture wear off," Regina admitted honestly, careful not to work Emma's sensitive skin too hard with the towel. As soon as she was dry, she removed the film dressing before putting her pajamas on. "Think you can make it to the bedroom?"

"I'll manage," Emma nodded, slipping into her slippers. They had done so much for her, now it was up to her to pull herself together and not cause them any more trouble.

"If it's not working out, then it's all right, Emma," Regina worriedly indicated, exchanging a quick glance with Zelena.

Emma, however, was already sliding to the edge of the chair and pushing herself up with her hands, so they helped her and put their arms around her as she stood. "I can do this," she affirmed, leaning on them as they left the bathroom at a snail's pace and made the short walk to the bedroom. Breathing heavily as if after a marathon, Emma sank onto her bed there, trying with all her might to get enough air into her lungs.

"Breathe easy, Emma. You did it, now you can rest," Regina stated quietly as she lifted Emma's legs into the bed, tucked her in, and briefly lifted her upper body again to place the pillow more comfortably. She then adjusted the headboard higher with the remote to make it easier for her to breathe and took a seat next to her. "I'm here, don't worry," she assured her, taking her hand.

Emma's lips shimmered slightly bluish as she returned Regina's hand squeeze and then closed her eyes exhaustedly.

"Is there anything else I can help you with?", Zelena wanted to know uncertainly, still leaning a bit overwhelmed in the doorframe.

"Thanks, we'll manage," Regina replied, looking at her gratefully. "You've done enough for us today."

Zelena nodded curtly and turned to leave, but was held back for another moment by a breathless, "Thank you, Zelena." When she turned around again, Emma's green eyes were looking at her.

Emma forced herself to smile wryly but gratefully under her hasty breaths before closing her eyes again.

"You know where I am if anything is wrong," Zelena said quietly to her sister before finally leaving the two of them alone.

Although Regina was still wearing nothing but the towel, she remained seated by Emma's bedside until her breaths calmed down. She didn't dare leave her alone in moments like these, since one never knew if her condition would continue to deteriorate instead of improve. Finally, she carefully got up and also wrapped herself in her silk pajamas that were ready on her bed.

Emma didn't move a bit when Regina got up and the mattress moved; she was relaxed and her pain was less than it had been in a long time, so her mind soon drifted off into much needed sleep.