Chapter 54
Regina had never primarily intended to go shopping, but she was aware that she would at least have to have something to show when she returned. Of course, she would have preferred to be able to poof in this weather, but not even someone capable of magic would go to a store without a car and its trunk. She could only drive slowly; although the winter service had done a good job, the snowflakes fell so densely from the sky that within a few minutes every road was once again covered by a thick, white layer that could quickly become a death trap if one was in too much of a hurry.
Glad to have finally reached her destination, Regina parked on the side of the road after a few minutes. Even though it was the middle of the day, she had hardly encountered anyone, because who was crazy enough to venture outside their front door in this weather? When she got out, her boots left deep prints in the snow and she wrapped her arms tightly around her body to protect herself from the cold as she hurried toward the door.
While Regina had expected it, she couldn't avoid her slight wince when the little golden bell above the door rang, making her presence known. This time she shivered not from the cold, but from the store's aura. The smell of dust hung in the air, almost masking the heavy scent of magic.
"Will you continue to stand indecisively by the door like a frightened schoolgirl, dearie?" The dark curtain behind the sales counter moved slightly before it was pushed aside and Gold, dressed in his usual suit and tie, stepped into the sales room. His expression betrayed nothing as he folded his hands on the counter and looked expectantly at Regina.
Regina felt more than uncomfortable in her skin as she brushed the snow from her hair, trailing a trace of melted water behind her as she walked down the narrow corridor lined on either side with Gold's treasures.
Gold smirked and eyed her up and down. "I was wondering when you'd show up here," he admitted, and the smirk turned into an amused grin.
"I knew you'd like it when I came to you begging for help," Regina all but growled, flashing dangerous dark eyes at him.
"There, there." He raised a hand to interrupt her. "Who's talking about begging? It's enough for you to ask nicely."
Regina snorted. "As if you've ever done anything by just asking nicely."
"Try it," he suggested, looking at her tensely.
"You know why I'm here."
"Do I?"
"You certainly do," she snapped at him, already regretting that she had come here. What had she expected? Did she really think he could make the impossible possible, and without anything in return?
In the face of her impassive reaction, he laughed briefly. "You seem extremely serious about Ms. Swan if you're dropping your guard and come to my store for this."
"I want a cure for Emma. Tell me what I have to do to get it!"
"Hold your horses," he interrupted her again. "I can't cure Ms. Swan."
"Can't, or won't?" Regina hissed angrily.
"I can't. No one can."
Snorting in disbelief, she turned away and crossed her arms in front of her chest.
"Don't you think you would have heard by now if there was a way to cure cancer with magic? We'd be incredibly rich if there was. I'm afraid your little girlfriend is going to have to deal with this herself. And being miffed doesn't suit you, dearie." He smirked again and looked at her, waiting.
Tears shone in Regina's eyes, which she would never allow in front of him, before her gaze darkened again and she turned to him once more. "Then tell me another option. You may not be able to cure the cancer, but you can keep her from dying, right?"
Gold's expression turned into a sly grin as he continued to eye her. "Now we're getting closer. What would you be willing to pay for it?"
"You haven't even told me what I have to do yet, and you're already talking about quid pro quo? What kind of monster are you?"
"I'm not talking about my payment. I'm talking about the price the spell would require," he replied calmly. "All magic comes with a price, remember?"
Regina swallowed, put her hands on the counter, and leaned toward him, her eyes fixed firmly on his. "I'd give anything for that."
"I expected that," he nodded. "But what exactly is Ms. Swan going to say... I'm assuming, after all, that she doesn't know about your little visit here with me... So, what is she going to say when she's back in perfect health, but you're lying dead in your bed instead? I suppose her enthusiasm would not be exactly boundless."
She was so confused that she could only stare at him.
"You're asking me to save a dying woman and you think the price is small?" His gaze darkened. "A life for a life, that's what the law of magic wants, and just because you call yourself mayor here doesn't mean it doesn't apply to you."
"Emma's life for mine," Regina muttered, staring off into space as she pondered the implications.
"Not necessarily," Gold countered, grinning smugly at her when he saw her hopeful look. "There are two possibilities: A voluntary sacrifice, or a random one."
"Then what's wrong with the random sacrifice? What do I care if one of the dwarves kicks the bucket if Emma lives?" Regina said eagerly.
Disapprovingly, he clicked his tongue. "What happened to your remorse and promise to do only good from now on?"
"If I lose Emma, my soul will be lost anyway."
"Pretty grim. But anyway, it's your choice. However, I suppose I should point out one teeny tiny little thing that seems to escape your razor-sharp mind." He clearly enjoyed drawing her out of her shell.
Regina just managed to hold back an eye roll as she asked, "And that would be?"
"I'm sure you can do without one of the dwarves. But can you do without your son?" he hypocritically wanted to know.
"What does Henry have to do with that?" she snapped at him immediately, as what appeared to be an icy fist closed around her heart.
"You certainly know the meaning of the word 'random', dearie, don't you? But I'll be happy to explain it to you again. Random means that it can happen to anyone, including your beloved son. Are you still willing to take that risk now?" A sneaky grin spread across his face as he put his fingertips together on the counter and waited for her reaction.
Regina's face drained of color, and as if she'd been blindsided, she took a step back. "Henry could...?"
"That's right. Neither you nor I would have any control over who the spell would choose. Of course, the chances of it hitting your beloved son are slim, but who knows. You're not exactly known for having luck and probability on your side, are you?"
With trembling hands, Regina stared at a wind chime hanging over the side of the counter. "Even if I did, I would never do anything to remotely hurt him," she finally whispered.
"You're still left with the voluntary sacrifice," he offered, but Regina shook her head.
"I would do it willingly, but neither of them would ever forgive me."
Gold's lips twisted into a smirk. "And you don't think the Charmings would fight over which of them would get to rescue their beloved daughter?"
The idea was tempting, but downright disgust befell her when she realized she had actually briefly considered asking them. "It's me or no one, and that's it."
"Well, then I guess your girlfriend will have to pay the price of your weakness herself," he purred, lips curling.
Anger entered Regina's gaze and she pointed her index finger at him threateningly. "Don't you dare make me feel guilty. It's not even said that Emma will die. She can get better, and then this dark spell won't be necessary at all."
"Whatever you say. You know where to find me if you change your mind." He bowed his head briefly. "If you'll excuse me then, dearie. I have work to do." With that, he slowly walked out of the salesroom and once again retreated to his back room.
Regina stood frozen, unable to form a clear thought. There was indeed a way to save Emma's life, but the price was high. Too high. Emma would never let her do that. And convincing someone else of that was not something she wanted to do herself, nor would her girlfriend agree to. Feeling tears gathering in her eyes once again, she finally turned around and briskly left the pawn shop. It wasn't until she was in her car that she stopped trying to pull herself together and leaned her forehead against her steering wheel as she sobbed.
She had long intended to seek out the Dark One and ask him for help, but knowing that his offer would cost her something she might not be willing to pay, she had put it off over and over again. But Emma had become weaker and weaker in the last few days and slowly but surely seemed to lose her will to live. At the latest after the desperate conversation with Henry and the day she had admitted that she couldn't take it anymore, the moment had come for her to act, even if Emma would not approve of her asking Gold for advice. After the sobering conversation, however, she wondered if it wouldn't have been better to listen to Emma. She had given herself hope where there was none, and that was the most dangerous thing of all.
Dejected, she started her car's engine as she began to freeze and drove up to the road at a walking pace. Although the storm had subsided somewhat in the time she had spent at the shop, it was still snowing, making the road conditions unpredictable.
She made a stop at the supermarket to avoid arriving home empty-handed. If Gold's idea had been expandable, she might even have talked to Emma about it, but as things stood now, there was no way her girlfriend could know that she had been with him. The guilty conscience gnawed at her, since she had once even made her promise not to consult him, but Emma's ever worsening condition gnawed at her and drove her to do anything, even if it was wrong and immoral.
"Would you like me to carry your bags to the car?" the dwarf behind the cash register offered after Regina had paid for her purchases and put them in two bags.
"Thanks, that won't be necessary," she declined and made her way to the door, where she nearly collided with Archie. "Excuse me," she mumbled before she even realized who she was dealing with.
"Hello, Regina," the psychiatrist greeted amiably, clearing his umbrella of snow and keeping Pongo's leash short enough that the dog, wagging his tail exuberantly, couldn't knock Regina over with joy at seeing her.
"Hopper. Hello," she returned as she tucked one of the bags under her arm. "So I'm not the only one who's ventured out of the house today," she noted, raising a thin eyebrow. Immediately her guilty conscience stirred again and she felt the urge to tell him instantly what had happened in Gold's shop, but she remained silent.
"No, you're not," he laughed, looking down at Pongo. "He loves the snow, so I gave up the car and we came here on foot."
"At least someone who doesn't find the snow distracting and superfluous," she nodded with a brief smirk, finally pushing past the two of them. She'd been gone much longer than she'd planned, and even though she trusted Zelena, she'd grown to dislike leaving Emma in the care of others for long. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get going."
Immediately Archie raised a hand. "Of course, I don't want to keep you! Have a good day!"
"Same to you," Regina nodded and squeezed past him fully onto the sidewalk. Since she had found a parking spot right in front of the store, her purchases were also stowed in the trunk shortly thereafter and she made her way home, lurching. More than relieved to have reached her driveway unscathed, she got out a little later and carried the purchases inside.
"Do you want me to help you unpack?", Zelena inquired of her sister, as soon as Regina had taken off her clothes, damp from the snow, and placed her bags in the kitchen.
"It's not much, I should be able to manage," she replied, "But thank you. What smells so good in here, anyway?"
"I guess that would be the meat in breadcrumb coating," the redhead commented. "I hope you don't mind that I cooked? Henry requested the dish."
"Of course I don't mind, quite the opposite. Did you cook the meat well done? Emma shouldn't..."
"... eat half raw meat, I get it. I didn't just get here today, remember?" she interrupted her, rolling her eyes.
"Sorry." Regina sighed and brushed her hair back before stowing the flour and sugar in the cupboard.
"Hey." Slowly, Zelena stepped behind her and gently placed her hands on her shoulders. "Relax, you're all tensed up." Carefully she massaged her a little, whereupon Regina hung her head and rested her hands on the kitchen counter.
"I'm just..." She shrugged and closed her eyes, shaking her head.
"Desperate? At loss?" Zelena offered, pulling her around so she could take her in her arms.
Gratefully, Regina leaned her head against Zelena's cleavage and wrapped her arms loosely around her waist. "I want to help her, but I can't. I'm completely useless," she finally said somberly, her brows drawn together.
"You're all that's holding her together right now. That's anything but useless," Zelena countered, holding her tightly in her arms.
Regina looked up at her and bit her lower lip. "I don't have a good feeling... I don't know what it is and I can't tell where it's coming from, but I feel that something is wrong. And I think Emma senses it too. She's deteriorating, Zelena. Not just physically, I see it in her eyes. She's coming to terms with her life, and maybe that's what makes the difference between living and dying."
"Do you really think it's in her hands? If it were, she'd be well by now. Hell, if it were so, a kiss from you would have cured her long ago! But unfortunately, it's not that simple and you know that as well as I do."
Smiling wryly, Regina looked at her sister. "You're probably right, and I'm just imagining all this," she admitted. "Anyway, I should go check on her. Where is she, on the sofa?"
Zelena shook her head. "Robin fell asleep on her cuddle blanket in the living room after Henry played with her. Now he's outside with her."
Confused, Regina looked at her. "You just said she was asleep."
"Robin is asleep, yes. I mean Henry and Emma."
"Emma's out?" Regina's normally deep, melodic voice almost snapped as she pushed Zelena aside to push past her into the hallway. "Are you guys out of your minds? It's freezing out there!" she raged as she slipped into her street shoes, not even bothering to look for a jacket first. Instead, she rushed straight for the back door in her blouse.
"Get a goddamn grip. You think she's out there in a tank top?" Zelena snorted, following her more slowly.
Eyes flashing with anger, Regina spun around and jabbed her index finger in front of her chest. "Henry is, after all, still a child who probably wanted to please her. But I would have expected a little more sense from you! If she catches another infection, it'll be your fault!"
Zelena sighed and crossed her arms in front of her chest as Regina pushed open the door and hurried into the backyard.
The sight that met her eyes, however, made her pause after only a few steps.
Henry was busy building an oversized snowman, losing one of his stick arms again and again, no matter how hard he rammed it into the body and secured it with snow.
Apparently, he had cleared the garden path of snow, because Emma was sitting there in her wheelchair, her mother's cap on her head and wrapped tightly in a thick blanket so that her face was barely visible. Tears of laughter ran down her cheeks as she watched Henry's efforts to finish the snowman.
Neither of them seemed to notice Regina, who had wrapped her arms around herself to protect herself from the cold and could hardly get enough of the sight of Emma's beaming face. Involuntarily, tears of happiness rushed into her own eyes.
"I understand your concerns. But do you really want to ruin this now?" Zelena whispered, who by now had stepped up beside Regina. "When was the last time you saw her this happy? When was the last time she left the house?"
"It's been so long I can't even remember," Regina replied in a choked voice, allowing Zelena to put the jacket she had brought with her around her shoulders.
"She's wrapped up warm, I promise."
Regina nodded and leaned her head against Zelena's shoulder. She had already grown incredibly cold in the few moments in her blouse, but she wasn't ready to tear herself away from the wonderful spectacle before her. Just a few more minutes she wanted to enjoy the moment, because no one could know what would happen just a few hours later.
After a while, Emma raised her head and met Regina's gaze. Her eyes shone with happiness as she nodded slightly at her, signifying that she should join her.
"I'm going back in to look after Robin." With those words, Zelena retreated into the house after giving her sister's shoulder a quick encouraging squeeze.
The freshly fallen snow crunched under her shoes as Regina followed the garden path and finally came to a stop in front of Emma, whom she gently put her hands to her cheeks and pressed a kiss to her lips. She looked beautiful as she sat there, snowflakes caught in the few eyelashes chemotherapy had left her before they melted and were replaced by new ones.
"You're not mad, are you?" she asked, wanting to put an arm around Regina, but the movement was slowed by the blanket she was tucked under. "I haven't been out here for long, Henry already started without me and I'm just..." she started to explain herself, but Regina shook her head to interrupt her.
"I'm not mad," she whispered, stepping behind Emma's wheelchair and bending over to wrap her arms around her from behind. Her eyes now fixed on her son, she took a deep breath.
Emma let her head sink sideways against Regina's arm and sighed contentedly. "Let's stop time and never let this moment pass," she asked softly.
"Sounds perfect," Regina returned just as softly and continued to snuggle against her.
Henry finally gave up the struggle with the snowman's arm and patted his gloves on his pants. When he looked up and saw his mothers engulfed in a long, tender kiss, the smile found its way to his lips automatically.