Author's Note: Many thanks to katchile94 and GraceMonroe for your reviews! It seems we have a consensus, regardless of which version is being read, that this is NOT too much smut, which is a huge relief for me. ;-)

That being said, this chapter does NOT contain explicit sexual content. Pause for disappointment. It does still get pretty spicy, but I would probably rate it at a hard M rather than an E. I have edited the version that appears on this site very slightly, just to tone down the spice a notch. It appears in an uncensored format over on the other site, if you'd prefer to read that.

I also wanted to make sure to include a **CONTENT WARNING** that this chapter does contain a moment of nonconsensual sexual touch. It all works out okay, but I wanted to give you a heads up that this chapter may be triggering. If you'd prefer to skip, please feel free to send me a message and I will reply with a summary of what happens.

Do what you need to do to take care of yourselves, and enjoy!

Chapter Twenty-Three: Us

Sirius restlessly paced the length of his bedroom back and forth like a caged lion, scowling at his feet. Mad-Eye had come over that morning, and after Sirius had explained what had happened in the fireplace the previous night, Mad-Eye agreed it was extremely unlikely that Umbridge could have known whom Harry, Ron, and Hermione were speaking to. Just when Sirius was ready to change the subject to what he would say in their next fireplace rendezvous, however, Remus, who had been quiet for nearly the entire discussion, had chosen that moment as the perfect time to speak up and say that he didn't think Sirius should make any more attempts to contact Harry at Hogwarts.

And Mad-Eye had agreed.

Sirius had argued that Harry needed to be able to communicate with him, as a member of the Order of the Phoenix, one of the wizards dedicated to protecting him, and, not to mention, his bloody godfather. Remus had pointed out that there were five members of the Order at Hogwarts every single day - six, if Hagrid ever returned - whom Harry could reach out to should the need arise.

Sirius had then demanded to know how, if everyone was so sure that Sirius had not been spotted by Umbridge, there could be any harm or additional risk in trying again? Mad-Eye had said that Umbridge would be watching the Floo Network religiously going forward, and that she probably already had some stooge, like Percy Weasley, setting up a twenty-four hour watch as they spoke.

And so now Sirius was back to where he had been for the past three months: sitting around with absolutely fuck-all to do.

He stopped his pacing long enough to aim a solid kick at the fireplace, then whirled around howling and hopping on one foot, immediately regretting the impulse.

He sat down on the floor and pulled off his shoe and sock to examine the damage. His toe did not appear to be broken, but he had smashed the nail and what was left of it would probably blacken and fall off. Sirius wrapped his hands around the foot and squeezed, wondering if Remus would come at the sound of his agonized yowling.

Probably not, he reasoned. Once Mad-Eye had left, Remus had tried to soothe Sirius's anger and wounded ego, and Sirius had lashed out at him. Sirius sighed and released his foot, dropping his face into his hands instead. He had sneered that Remus had always been the good little boy, too afraid of breaking a few rules to get anything done without James or Sirius to tell him what to do. That James would have been so disappointed at how easily Remus had thrown his hands up and walked away from Harry when he was in need.

Remus hadn't said a word. He hadn't needed to. He had simply walked away.

But then, Moony had always been the judicious member of the group.

Despite what Sirius had said, he had always admired Remus's even temper, how much it took to rile him. James had often said that, if the four of them had been lined up and someone had to guess which of them was the werewolf, Moony would have been the last one to have been picked. His kindness, his patience, his innate compassion and empathy for what others were going through, belied the beast that held Remus hostage once a month.

No, Sirius was always the one James had joked should have been the werewolf, with his quick temper, restless energy, and sharp tongue - three things that James had always known how to circumnavigate. But then, James had known how to work with all of them, how to bring out the very best in each of his best mates, even Wormtail. James had been such a natural leader - people had simply followed him. In many ways, he had been the glue that had held the Marauders together.

Not for the first time, Sirius wondered how he could be expected to go on without Prongs.

His hands fell from his face as a dreadful thought occurred to him. Would he and Remus have ever been friends if it hadn't been for James pulling them together? Even worse: once the war was over, would they remain friends? Or was this war, this cause they had lost their friend to - their shining champion of a friend - was this the only thing now holding them together? Would Remus merely fade away once this was all over, and go back to his self-isolating existence? Would he want anything to do with Sirius, with his brutal temper and vicious mouth?

I'll still have Harry, he thought immediately, but just as quickly, doubt seeped in. No, Harry had also been on the receiving end of Sirius's coldness, when Harry had advised caution when using the fireplace and Sirius had compared him unfavorably to James.

Nobody would want the slightest fucking thing to do with you if they could help it, he told himself bitterly. And why would they? The way you treat them.

Sirius was well on his way down the familiar spiral staircase into depression when a soft knock sounded on his door. He whipped around, hastily drawing the back of his hand across his eyes as he looked towards the door.

"Sirius?" came Mairead's voice. "May I come in - is it all right?"

"Yeah," Sirius tried to say, but found his throat too tight. He cleared it and tried again. "Yeah."

The knob turned and the familiar head of messy curls poked around the door. "I've made tea if you want some," she said softly.

Sirius wanted to join her. The more time he spent with Mairead the more he liked her. She was a little too bashful for Sirius's romantic tastes, but with her private intellect, startling sense of humor, and, perhaps most of all, her sweet nature, he more than understood why Moony was drawn to her like a moth to the flame. But depression was around him like a heavy blanket, and he didn't have the self-preservation to reach out to her.

"Yeah, just bring it in here, will you?" he said glumly, turning back to look at the empty fireplace.

Mairead surprised him by saying, "No."

He frowned and shot a look over his shoulder at her, curious in spite of himself.

"If you want the tea you have to come out of your room and get it," she said, looking nervous but speaking with finality.

Sirius scoffed and turned back around. "Fine," he said bitterly. "Don't know why you invited me anyway."

"There's sandwiches and biscuits, too."

"I'm not hungry," said Sirius a little more jerkily than he had intended to.

"I bet you a thousand Galleons that's not true at all," Mairead argued back.

Sirius barked out a laugh. "If you had a thousand Galleons I hardly think you'd be bumming free housing off me," he snapped, then instantly regretted it.

Goddammit why do you have to be such an arse?!

Rather than rise to that insult, Mairead paused, then said in an even tone, "Your breakfast dishes are still on the table, meaning you haven't eaten lunch, and it's dinner time. You're six foot two if you're an inch and that's got to burn a lot of calories." Sirius was quiet for a long moment, battling with the duality inside him that made him want to sneer and send her running while at the same time desperately not wanting her to leave him all alone. Mairead spoke again before he could make up his mind. "Look, you'll need your energy if you're to sustain this level of sulk. Tea's in the drawing room. You can come get it and turn around and leave if you please. But I'm not bringing it up here."

Sirius heard the door click softly behind her. As soon as he was alone again, his mind was made up. He had always been an extrovert, but the twelve years he had spent in prison had made him hate being alone almost as much as he hated being stuck in this godforsaken house. He tried shoving his foot back into his sock, but the throbbing in his big toe made him rethink that decision. Opting instead to pull off his other shoe and sock, Sirius walked barefoot down to the drawing room.

When he opened the door and walked in, he saw not Mairead, but Remus, who was just a few feet into the room and was looking around, appearing confused. When he turned and saw Sirius, he chuckled ruefully to himself.

"She tempt you with biscuits, too?" he asked wryly.

"Yup."

Remus flinched ever-so-slightly at Sirius's brusque response, then turned back to the coffee table, where a teapot, two cups and saucers, a plate of sandwiches, and a plate piled high with biscuits had been left in front of a cozy, merrily burning fire.

"She not coming, then?" Sirius asked, pointing to the two, not three, teacups.

"I think she meant this to be just for us," said Remus thoughtfully as he considered the spread.

Sirius nodded. He watched Remus from his vantage point in the doorway. Remus seemed hesitant to sit down. All at once, guilt and loneliness gnawed at Sirius in a manner so visceral it took his breath away. His voice was somewhat thick when he said, "Listen, Moony..." Remus whipped around to look at him, eyes wide and searching. Sirius dropped his eyes in a show of humility. "About earlier..."

Remus's shoulders visibly relaxed and a small smile appeared on his face. "Forget about it," he said. "You were disappointed. We both were," he added carefully, watching Sirius for his reaction.

"Yeah, definitely," Sirius agreed hastily. "I know that. I know you wanted to be able to keep in touch with Harry, too."

Remus nodded, a tinge of wariness still about him as he decided whether to let his guard down or keep it up.

"You're right, though," Sirius continued. "It's not just my safety that we'd be risking trying to contact him again. It's his. You were right to tell me to leave off."

Remus thought for a moment, then said, "Let's spend the time between now and Christmas coming up with a fireproof way of talking to Harry."

"Yeah," said Sirius readily. "We'll come up with a rock solid plan and present it to him over the hols."

Remus smiled again. "It's a plan."

Perking up as much at the thought of a new purpose as at their reconciliation, Sirius left the doorway and strode over to the tea service, plopping down into a chair. Once he was seated, Remus joined him.

They fixed their tea in an awkward silence. Finally, Remus shook his head and muttered, "What an absolutely fanatical cretin Umbridge is."

Sirius burst out laughing. Remus's mouth twitched for a moment, then he joined in.

"Do you know - obviously I haven't met her," Sirius said, "but whenever people talk about her, I can't help but bring to mind that girl. That Ravenclaw girl. The one who kept a copy of the school rules and would read them off in a sing-song voice whenever anyone put so much as a toe out of line? What was her name? She was a year younger than us... always had her hair in those braided pigtails..."

Remus's eyes crinkled. "Louisa Pendelton."

"Yes!" Sirius shouted. "Louisa Pendelton! God! Wonder what became of her?"

Remus raised an eyebrow and his mouth twitched. "She writes the gossip column for Witch Weekly now," he said.

Sirius barked out a laugh. "Oh, I bet she's perfect at that... hey - how the hell do you know who writes for Witch Weekly?"

Remus shrugged. "Girls at Hogwarts would read off her stuff. I overheard it and recognized the name."

"Ah," said Sirius. "Makes sense, but in my head -"

"You saw me lying on my stomach, kicking my legs and putting curlers in my hair whilst reading up on the latest fall fashion trends?"

"That is, in fact, precisely what I saw."

Remus threw his head back and laughed. Sirius grinned doggishly at him, then reached for the plate of sandwiches, suddenly noticing he was ravenous.

They talked and ate their way through the plate of sandwiches, then started on the biscuits. They reminisced about school, Sirius told Remus about a very brief fling he'd had with a stunningly beautiful woman while he had been hiding out in Mauritius last October, and Remus confessed to Sirius how much he had loved teaching at Hogwarts. They finished the pot of tea Mairead had prepared for them, then switched to a bottle of wine, which Sirius fetched up from the pantry in the basement.

"Sneaky little witch, luring us out with food," Sirius commented, hours later, through a mouthful of biscuit.

Remus hummed noncommittally, but otherwise did not respond. Sirius looked over at him. Normally Moony jumped at the chance to bring Mairead into conversation.

Instead, Remus began chatting animatedly about a story he had heard on the Wizarding Wireless the other day. Sirius decided to ignore the creeping sense of suspicion he felt, but then, a few minutes later, he mentioned something tangentially related that he and Mairead had been discussing, and Remus quickly pivoted to talking about a job he had had some seven years before.

Sirius frowned and thoughtfully refilled his wineglass. Remus had certainly been acting strangely lately.

Sirius decided to try a little thought experiment. He said that Mairead had been telling him about some of the stranger jobs she'd had since graduating.

Remus started talking about the weather.

The weather.

Sirius's eyes lit up with triumph. "Oh, my God," he said slowly.

Remus looked over at him, and Sirius wanted to crow victoriously at the look of barely suppressed panic on his best friend's face.

Sirius laughed. "You sly bastard," he said.

Remus spoke in a low, warning voice. "Leave off, Sirius. You don't know anything."

"I do now," Sirius snorted. He folded his arms across his chest and leaned back into his seat. "Tell me: how did Little Red enjoy meeting the Big, Bad Wolf?"

Remus's cheeks flushed, just a touch. Sirius drank it up like mother's milk.

"Sirius, I swear to God if you make her uncomfortable over this - if you tease and humiliate her - if you so much as mention to her that you know -"

Sirius leaned back and smacked his lips. Nothing was better than having a go at Remus after he'd just gotten laid. He only wished James could be here. Post-Shag Remus Teasing had been his specialty. Time for a little good old fashioned goading. "Aw, c'mon, Moony, let me have my fun with her - you've certainly had yours."

"Sirius, NO."

"At least tell me how it was," Sirius bargained.

"I don't kiss and tell," said Remus flatly.

"So there was kissing," Sirius said. Remus's grey eyes flashed like lightning. Sirius grinned.

It was too easy.

Sirius shrugged. "Fine, I'll drop it," he lied.

"Thank you," said Remus pointedly.

Sirius sighed and put his feet up next to the empty teapot. "Phew," he remarked to the ceiling. "I can't remember the last time I had a virgin."

"She wasn't a virgin!" Remus yelped defensively.

Sirius smiled slyly.

Far too easy.

"And you knew that going in?" he asked the ceiling.

There was a long silence.

"What do I have to do to get this to stop?" Remus asked finally, sounding aggravated but also resigned.

Just how Sirius liked him.

"I'll make you a deal," said Sirius, letting his feet slide back to the ground and leaning forward. "You answer my questions, and I won't say word one to Mairead. Fail to answer my questions, and, well... I may just have to go to the other source for intel."

"I will answer the questions that I deem acceptable to answer, and you will leave Mairead alone," Remus said. "Regardless of how many of your questions I answer, Mairead is left out of this. Is that clear? You will leave her out of this. You will not ask any questions that insult her. You will not ask any questions the answer to which would be an invasion of her privacy. There will be no teasing of Mairead. There will be no hinting, no suggesting, no implying, no winking, no whistling. No innuendo around her and especially not when other people are around. You will not make up songs about this. You will not pantomime anything related to what I tell you. There will be no graphic drawings left around for me to find. You will not recite dirty limericks every time I bring up her name. You will act like an adult or do your very best impression of one at all times around Mairead. You will not divulge any of this to anyone else. No one else can know. That is imperative. No one else can know. I won't have her reputation ruined over this."

Sirius chuckled to himself. Ahh, poor Remus. We certainly had our fun with him.

"Deal."

Remus took a deep breath and let it out in a frustrated huff. He made a weary gesture with his hand for Sirius to go on.

Sirius grinned. "How was it?"

Remus's eyes slid a bit out of focus. His breath left him all at once. "It - it was..." He shook his head. "Indescribable."

Sirius's eyebrows shot up. "She's that good?" he asked incredulously. "I wouldn'tve taken her for a sex kitten."

Remus shook his head significantly. "No, she's not like that at all. She's just..." he trailed off, looking dazed.

Sirius couldn't help smiling at how astonished Remus looked at his own good fortune.

"So who...?"

Remus's eyebrows went up as if he were surprised even by the memory. "She did. She came to my room four nights ago."

"Way to go, Gryffindor," Sirius said proudly under his breath. Suddenly, he barked out a laugh. "That's why you stayed in bed so late! She was in there with you when I came by, wasn't she?"

"...She was," Remus admitted.

"You sly bastard," Sirius repeated, shaking his head. "Right under the noses of everyone from the Order."

"You're not the only Marauder living in this house, you know," said Remus dryly.

"James would've been proud," chuckled Sirius.

Remus smiled sadly. "I think she and Lily would've gotten on really well," he said softly. "Don't you think?"

"Oh, yeah," agreed Sirius. "James would've loved her, too. She's spirited. He always loved spirited people."

Remus hummed in agreement.

And just like that, the desire to torment Remus drained right out of Sirius. It just wasn't as much fun without James there to pile on, without Lily there to jump to Remus's defense. Lily had always been Remus's champion of the bunch. Moony and Prongs's wife had held a mutual affection and admiration for one another that had always slightly awed Sirius with its quiet ferocity. There was not a doubt in his mind that Lily would have been thrilled to learn that Remus had finally fallen for a girl who treated him right.

Sensing the shift in the atmosphere, Remus smiled regretfully. "Sorry for spoiling your fun," he said softly.

"Nah," Sirius said gruffly, waving a hand. "You didn't spoil anything. I was just caught off-guard. Didn't expect Mairead would get to have her way with you so quickly."

Remus chuckled. "Yes, well, she's a very determined witch."

"I guess so," Sirius said with a shadow of his usual grin. "Don't worry - just give me a little time and I'll have plenty of sexually explicit questions to ask you."

Remus snorted. "Excellent. Can't wait."

Mairead sighed and laid back in her bed. Remus and Sirius were still chatting away in the drawing room when she had come up to her room half an hour ago. She could hear their soft voices and the occasional deep burst of laughter, when she had passed by on her way up the stairs. She hadn't wanted to interrupt them, and so had taken a quiet evening by herself.

She felt a sense of warm contentment that they had made up. When she had come home from work earlier in the evening and found Remus, he had been utterly distracted. She had eventually wheedled out of him that he and Sirius had had a row that afternoon, though he had not wanted to share the details with her.

She had felt a little disingenuous, tricking both of them into going to the drawing room for tea, but then, that had always been how Sister Mary Agnes had gotten children at St. Hedwig's to reconcile. "Sitting down with someone who is giving you trouble, breaking bread with them, and getting some food and tea into each of your bellies is the first step towards mutual understanding," she had always said.

Clearly it had worked. The two friends had been in the drawing room for hours. Mairead made a mental note to stop by and visit St. Hedwig's soon and extinguished the lamp beside her bed.

She was not sure how long she had been asleep when she snapped awake. She wasn't sure what had awoken her, but then a knock sounded softly at her door and she reasoned it probably was not the first.

Mairead scrambled out of bed, blinking and rubbing her eyes to try to wake herself, and pulled open the door.

Remus took one look at her and blanched. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I should've known you'd be asleep. I'll go."

He turned to leave but Mairead reached out a hand and snagged his sleeve. "Wait!" she hissed. "You don't have to go - come in."

Remus turned back but shook his head. "You're tired, I don't want to interrupt your sleep," he said.

"Did you and Sirius make up?" asked Mairead, ignoring Remus's doubts.

Remus smiled and nodded. "Yes, thank you." He reached up a hand and brushed Mairead's hair behind her shoulder.

Mairead shivered. "Come in," she tried again.

Remus shook his head once more. "It's the middle of the night."

"Please?" she asked, gazing up at him in what she hoped was not a pathetic manner.

"Tomorrow," said Remus firmly.

Mairead's mouth twitched in dissatisfaction. She put a hand on his shoulder. "One kiss?" she cajoled, rising up onto her tiptoes.

Remus looked off to the side and one corner of his mouth rose a fraction of an inch. Mairead knew that look. She was going to get her way.

Remus looked back at her and shrugged. "I suppose a kiss goodnight sounds reasonable," he said slowly.

Mairead fought against a smile as Remus leaned in and brushed his lips against hers. She felt pleasure blooming in her stomach, spreading up to her heart and making it rush, spreading down to her center and making it warm. She moaned softly and opened her mouth, silently offering more. She could feel Remus teetering on the edge of indecision.

Then his hands went to her hips and pulled her to him. His lips took charge of the kiss, expertly directing it, his tongue flicking inside her mouth. Mairead's hand convulsed on Remus's shoulder, bunching his shirt in her fingers. Remus's arms curled around Mairead and one hand slid up her back to her hair, tangling his fingers in her curls. The other slid dangerously low, brushing the top of her backside.

The thrill of the new touch mingled with embarrassment. Mairead broke the kiss with a nervous giggle and began backing up. "M-maybe we shouldn't be kissing in the corridor?" she suggested breathlessly.

Remus looked off to the side once more, but now he looked guilty. "About that..." he started to say, "...Sirius... may have found out... about us... today..."

Mairead was completely distracted from this news by the way Remus had presented it.

Us. There's an 'us.' Remus and I are an 'us.'

"That's fine," she said quickly. "I don't mind if Sirius knows. Or anyone, really..." she added hopefully.

Remus did not pick up what she was putting down. "Don't worry," he said hastily. "No one else will find out. He won't tell anyone, I guarantee it."

Mairead bit her lip and nodded. "Oh, okay," she said softly.

"Are you all right?" Remus asked, looking at her searchingly.

She nodded quickly. "Yes, absolutely," she said with more confidence than she felt.

Remus looked relieved. He bent his head to kiss her again. "Goodnight," he breathed against her lips.

Mairead whimpered and made a face. "Goodnight," she said, standing back up on her toes and pressing the full length of her body against him while pressing her lips against his. Remus moaned when she slithered her hands around his neck and began toying with his hair.

The next thing she knew, Remus had twisted their bodies and pressed her back against the door frame. "Will you be able to see your way back to bed?" he asked, bunching her hair in one hand and gently tugging on it until Mairead tipped her head back. He leaned down and began kissing her throat.

Mairead groaned, "Erm... I think so?"

Remus hummed skeptically. "Are you sure?" he purred, his other hand skimming up her front and brushing over one of her breasts.

"Oh!" Mairead exclaimed, catching on. "Erm, maybe not... it's pretty dark."

"It really is," Remus agreed solemnly. "I feel duty-bound as a gentleman to make sure you get back to your bed safely. I couldn't live with myself if you stumbled and hurt yourself."

Mairead arched against his body. "I have very weak ankles," she said breathlessly.

"It's settled then," said Remus briskly. He pulled away from her abruptly, and Mairead giggled when he offered her the crook of his elbow. She wrapped her hands around it and smiled mischievously as he led her into the bedroom, closing and locking the door behind him.

Once inside, Remus wasted no time in escorting her to the bed. He looked at her and hummed thoughtfully. "I'd better take this nightshirt off you before I go," he said in a low, serious voice. "It's a real strangling hazard."

Mairead giggled again and hoped the light was low enough that he could not see her blushing when his fingers danced up her sides, pulling the baggy t-shirt off over her head.

"You should lie down," Remus added. "If you got vertigo and fell and hit your head after I left, there would be no one to help you." He took her by the hips and pushed her back to sit on the bed, then placed a hand on her shoulder and guided her to lie back. Mairead lay across the bed, heart pounding with anticipation. Now that her eyes were adjusting to the low light, she could see the teasing smile on Remus's face and the naughty glint in his eyes.

He dropped to his knees on the floor and leaned over her. Remus's hands moved back to her hips and found the waistband of her knickers.

"We should remove these, too," he muttered, straightening up and slipping the fabric down and off Mairead's legs.

"Oh? And why is that?" asked Mairead in an attempt to be arch.

Remus looked her straight in the eye and she received a jolt of surprise at the unbridled desire he wasn't even attempting to hide. "Because I want to see you naked," he growled.

Mairead's breath left her in a rush. She felt her cheeks burn with his blunt admission. Remus leaned over her and kissed her deeply. He wrapped his arms around her back and ground his clothed hips against her, then began trailing kisses down her neck. His lips paused briefly to nibble at her collarbone, then continued down her sternum. He teased her for a few moments, but then he continued his journey down her torso, leaving kisses along her ribs and around her navel. He kissed his way over to one hip, then languidly made his way across her lower belly to her other hip.

Mairead couldn't say why, but she was starting to feel exceedingly modest, wishing for her clothes back. "Sh-should we still silence the room?" she asked rather shrilly when Remus began to trail kisses down the top of one of her thighs. He paused.

"Oh, yes," he said, his voice quiet but husky. "I definitely think it's going to be needed tonight."

A thrill went through Mairead, but it didn't melt dreamily into arousal the way it usually did, but rather settled in her stomach, leaden and cold. She cautiously watched Remus sit back on his heels and cast both a Silencing Charm and the Contraceptive Charm on Mairead, briefly promising to show her how the next night. The look in his eyes told Mairead that he had something planned, and whatever it was, it was making her feel more and more uncomfortable.

Remus stowed his wand back in his belt, then put both hands on her thighs. He leaned forward and dropped a kiss onto one knee, then the other. His hands began to spread her thighs apart, and as they did, Remus leaned in and began leaving feathery kisses on her inner thighs, switching back and forth, devoting equal time to each thigh. His lips trailed up, up, up...

Mairead pushed herself onto her elbows and tried to wriggle away from his mouth, but found she had no leverage with her legs dangling over the edge of the bed, held in place by Remus's slender yet strong hands. Her breath began to wheeze with discomfort the higher Remus's mouth moved. She had no idea what he was playing at, but she did not like it.

Remus's hands pressed against her legs until her thighs were spread wide apart. Eyes wide and afraid, Mairead watched Remus stare openly at her, a hungry, devouring look on his face.

Then, he ducked his head.

"STOP!"

Mairead thrashed wildly, dragging herself up onto the far side of the bed. She pressed her back against the head of the bed, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them in a crushing grip. She buried her face in the tops of her knees, breathing raggedly and trembling uncontrollably.

"What - Mairead! Are you okay?"

She heard the alarm and concern in Remus's voice, but Mairead couldn't bring herself to look at him. As quickly as her terror had overtaken her, so quickly was it now fading away, replaced by mortification. In her frenzy to get away from Remus, Mairead hadn't even noticed until she recalled it now that he had stopped the instant she had asked him to; that in her haste, she had kicked him in the shoulder, probably quite hard.

"Mairead," she heard him say in the gentlest of tones. "I'm so sorry, darling. I'm so sorry. I should have asked. Are you okay?"

Mairead hugged her arms tighter around her legs as she felt the first, hot, humiliated tears leak out of her eyes. How could she ever look him in the eye again? He must think her such a child.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked softly.

Mairead let out a small, completely pathetic hiccough. "No," she said in the tiniest, shrillest voice, unable to lift her face from where it was hidden. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry," said Remus. He hesitated, then said, "I want to comfort you. Would it be all right if I came up on the bed to sit beside you? I promise I won't touch you unless you tell me it's all right."

Shame was burning through Mairead like an out of control forest fire. The last thing Remus should have to do was comfort her after she had just behaved like an unmitigated fool. He would probably sit beside her and apologize, tell her this was all his fault for not realizing she wasn't ready for an adult relationship with him. Tell her that it wasn't her, it was him. Tell her they could still be friends.

What an idiot she had been! Why hadn't she seen this coming? Of course he was more experienced than she was. Of course he would want to do the things he normally did with the women he slept with. Of course there would be things he would want to do that Mairead didn't even know existed. How could she have reasonably expected this to end any other way? A sob escaped her before she could catch it. She hoped that somehow Remus wouldn't have heard it, but since when had she ever had any luck to speak of?

"Oh, sweetheart, please talk to me," she heard him plead softly.

"I'm sorry," she choked out, wiping her nose on her knees. "I'm so sorry. You - you don't have to stay here. I totally understand. I'm so sorry."

There was a pause after she spoke, then Remus said in a confused voice, "Are you saying you would like me to leave? Do you want to be alone?"

Mairead didn't know what she wanted. She couldn't see a way out of this that would leave any shred of her dignity intact. "I want you to do whatever you want," she said, helplessly falling back on the words he had used only a few nights ago.

She hadn't even had him for a week before she had ruined things.

"I want to stay here with you," Remus said immediately. "I want to comfort you, if I may."

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to."

Mairead squeezed her eyes closed, felt more tears leak out of them. She nodded, resigned.

"May I come up on the bed with you?" Remus asked.

She nodded again. She felt the bed dip with the now-familiar weight of Remus's body. She felt another sob shake her when she considered that this might be the last time they ever shared a bed.

"Here," she heard him say softly. She raised her face off her knees at the feeling of Remus drawing her duvet up and over her. Her self-hatred made her loathe that Remus knew what she needed, but she accepted it anyway, clawing at the duvet and holding it tightly around herself. As soon as her body was no longer exposed she felt notably better, or at least less vulnerable. She sniffled and tried to wipe her nose subtly on the blanket.

"Mairead, I am so sorry," Remus said. "I never should have touched you like that without your permission. I - I don't know what I was thinking, but my behavior was inexcusable."

"No, I'm sorry," Mairead insisted, her voice rough and scratchy.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," said Remus gently but firmly.

"I kicked you," she reminded him.

"I deserved much worse."

Mairead wiped her eyes with the heel of her hand. "I - you -" she floundered, unsure of what she meant to say.

"You didn't do anything wrong," he insisted solemnly. "I overstepped. Significantly. I never should have continued without making sure you knew what was about to happen."

Mairead stole a quick glance at him, and just as quickly looked away, ashamed and remorseful. "I..." she began quietly. "I didn't - that is, I knew, erm... I mean - obviously, because, erm... because last night when, erm... so, like, I - I knew that... but... but I didn't know that... erm."

God, you're just making yourself sound even stupider.

But Remus said, "I think I understand." Mairead looked at him, surprised. "May I take a guess?" he asked.

She nodded.

Remus took a moment to gather his thoughts, then said, "You knew about oral sex for men - probably one of your old boyfriends showed you what to do - but you didn't know that oral sex could be performed on women. Is that about right?"

Mairead could feel her face burning with humiliation, but she nodded.

Remus's mouth tightened with regret. "I'm sorry," he said again. "That must have felt very invasive without any context."

Mairead shifted her shoulders uneasily. "It makes no sense, though," she said in quiet frustration. "We've already done... lots of other things. I don't know why I freaked out like I did. I'm so, so sorry."

Remus's voice was so compassionate when he spoke that it made Mairead want to cry all over again. "It's a very intimate act, Mairead. In a way, it's more intimate than anything else we've done."

Mairead thought about this for a moment. It did feel more intimate, even more so than having him inside her. The thought of Remus using his mouth on her - touching her with his lips and his tongue, of him knowing what she tasted like - was enough to make her squirm with embarrassment all over again.

Her head shot up at a thought suddenly occurring to her. "Wait - did it - was I - did I overstep? When I... last night...? Were you uncomfortable?"

Remus looked away and took a deep breath. "No," he said. "I quite enjoyed it." He looked sideways at her now, looking guilty. "But that also wasn't the first time anyone had ever... er - performed that particular act for me. You also asked permission, which I failed to do."

Mairead closed her eyes, desperate to banish the image of Remus with another woman - another, far more experienced woman, who knew all about oral sex, both the giving and receiving, and who also happened to look suspiciously like Tonks. She groaned. "I'm so sorry for losing it like this," she mumbled. "I should've just -"

"You should have done exactly what you did," Remus interrupted her sharply.

Mairead looked around at him in confusion.

"Don't you see?" asked Remus. "You did precisely what I asked you to do. You stopped me when I did something that made you uncomfortable."

"But I -" Mairead broke off. She had forgotten that he had repeatedly asked her to let him know if he did something she didn't like.

Remus looked at her seriously. "I'm so glad you stopped me. I would have felt - well, I already feel terrible - but I would have felt even worse if I found out after the fact that you were unwilling... that I violated you. You stopped a bad situation from becoming much worse."

Mairead mulled this over for a while, then looked tentatively over at him. "You're really not mad?" she asked in a tiny voice.

Remus made a move with his arm as though to hug her to his side, but stopped himself. "No, sweetheart, I'm not mad," he said tenderly. "I'm proud of you. That can't have been easy. And I'm very grateful. And..." he took a moment to think. "I'm not saying that I'm glad this happened - I'm not - but I'm very relieved to know that you will actually stop me if I go too far. It's been a concern of mine... This makes me feel more confident that everything that has happened between us so far - other than this - has been consensual."

"It has been!" said Mairead hastily. "I don't want to... to not do those things... just because I didn't want to do this... I mean, unless you don't want to anymore... which I would totally get..." She trailed off miserably, but Remus was smiling at her.

"That's not what I'm saying at all," he said.

Mairead was silent for a long while, thinking over their conversation. She glanced over at Remus. He was watching her, searching her face like he was trying to read her thoughts. He looked concerned and intent, but not annoyed or angry with her. Using her last reserves of courage, Mairead shifted closer to his side and rested her head hesitantly on his shoulder. Remus released a breath and immediately wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close and showering kisses into her hair. Mairead sagged with relief and shifted so that she could hug him back, holding him tightly and pressing her face hard into his shoulder.

"Here," Remus said after a few minutes. He gently disentangled himself and reached out a hand. Mairead watched her nightshirt rise off the floor and float over to Remus's outstretched hand. He offered it to her silently, and respectfully averted his gaze while Mairead slipped it over her head and pulled it down around her legs. "Let's go to sleep," he said quietly once she was dressed.

Mairead bit her lip fretfully. "You don't have to stay here," she said anxiously. "If you don't want to, that is. You don't have to feel the need to stay here... since we're not... erm..."

"Would you like me to go?" Remus asked, his voice mild.

"No, that's not it!" she exclaimed. "I just mean... I get it... if you'd rather... I mean... I don't want you to feel obligated..." She lowered her gaze, feeling lousy once more.

Remus cocked his head to one side and regarded her. "I'd like to stay," he said slowly, "but only if it's all right with you."

Miaread blinked up at him, trying to discern if he was lying to spare her feelings.

"Is it all right if I stay?" he asked.

Mairead nodded wordlessly.

Remus joined her under the covers and held out his arms, inviting her to cuddle up against his side. Mairead readily wrapped herself around him, nestling her face into the well-worn but heavenly soft t-shirt he wore along with his pyjama bottoms. She lay contentedly in his arms, listening to the sound of his breathing and his heart beating steadily, trying to give herself permission to let go of her guilt and anxiety over where the evening had led. Remus idly stroked her hair and shoulders, gradually coaxing her muscles to relax. After a while his hand fell still, and Mairead had thought he had fallen asleep when she heard his soft voice in the dark.

"May?"

Mairead's ears perked up. He sounded hesitant, unsure of himself. "Yes?" she replied.

Remus was silent for a long time, then, just as softly, just as hesitantly, he asked, "This - you know this isn't just sex for me, don't you? You know I care for you a great deal... right?"

Mairead felt her heart begin to swell as though filled with a warm, pillowy fluff. Surely it would soon burst out of her throat in a song of unimaginable sweetness. She turned her face so that her love for him was hidden from the darkness, buried safely in Remus's chest. She knew without asking that she was not supposed to express it, but she hoped he could feel it nevertheless.

"I care about you, too," she whispered. "So much."

She felt Remus let out a breath, and then he turned his head and pressed his lips against Mairead's hair, long and firmly. She fell asleep with his words in her ears.

"Thank you, sweet girl."

Author's Note: I hope that wasn't too upsetting for anyone! I considered editing that moment out of the version I posted on this site, but ultimately decided not to, because I thought the moment was important for their character and relationship development, and I thought readers here would be missing out if I edited it out completely.

Also, what did you think of Sirius's reaction to finding out about Remus and Mairead? Are you happy he finally knows? Anyway, please let me know what you think! Thank you all once again for reading! I hope you have a great weekend!